What's With This Behavior?

Summary

Episode Summary: "What's With This Behavior?"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111
• Release Date: February 21, 2025
• Episode Title: What's With This Behavior?

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a listener's concern about her 9-year-old daughter who tends to apologize excessively for minor or unrelated actions. The discussion delves into understanding the root causes of this behavior and providing practical strategies to foster genuine responsibility and meaningful communication within the family.

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Caller’s Concern

Michelle, a concerned mother, reaches out to Dr. Laura expressing her frustration over her daughter's habitual apologies. She describes instances where her daughter apologizes for routine actions, such as forgetting to take dishes to the sink or laying out clothes. For example, Michelle states:

“Honey, please don't forget to take your dishes over to the sink. Okay, mom, I'm sorry” (00:18).

Michelle emphasizes that this behavior is isolated to her daughter, as her husband does not exhibit the same apologetic tendencies. She adds:

“It's definitely not my husband. You're clear about that very crystal” (01:02).

Despite her husband's lack of frequent apologies, Michelle maintains strict standards for manners and respect within the household, ensuring her daughter understands the importance of accountability.

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Dr. Laura’s Analysis

Dr. Laura begins by probing further into the family's dynamics, particularly focusing on the absence of apologies from Michelle's husband. She remarks on the potential impact of this imbalance:

“If he never said he was sorry, I'd be all over him. Come on, you're going to tell me you never brought it up?” (01:21).

Michelle confirms that while she emphasizes manners, her husband rarely apologizes, leading to a unique dynamic where only the daughter feels compelled to apologize excessively.

Dr. Laura identifies that the daughter's over-apologizing might stem from misunderstanding the true essence of an apology. She explains that apologies should be meaningful and linked to specific wrongdoings, rather than being used as a default response to every minor interaction.

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Advice Given

To address the issue, Dr. Laura offers the following strategies:

1. Define the True Meaning of Apologies: Dr. Laura advises Michelle to help her daughter understand that apologies should only be voiced when she has genuinely done something wrong. She suggests prompting the child to specify the wrongdoing before apologizing. For instance:

   “Every time your daughter does that, you go, what did you do wrong? I appreciate an apology for something you've done wrong. Could you tell me what you've done wrong?” (03:12).

2. Replace Excessive Apologies with Affirmations: Instead of apologizing for routine tasks, Dr. Laura recommends that the daughter use phrases like “I love you” to foster positive communication. She illustrates this by contrasting an unnecessary apology with a heartfelt affirmation:

   “If you ask her to get the towel, say okay, Mom. Love you.” (03:39).

   Michelle agrees to implement this change, recognizing its potential to shift her daughter's communication patterns positively.

3. Lead by Example: Emphasizing the importance of modeling appropriate behavior, Dr. Laura encourages Michelle to continue demonstrating accountability by apologizing only when truly warranted. This approach reinforces the values of responsibility and sincerity within the family.

4. Engage in Meaningful Communication: Dr. Laura underscores the necessity of ensuring that apologies convey genuine remorse and understanding of the wrongdoing. She suggests that empty or frequent apologies lose their significance and fail to teach the essence of accountability.

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Outcome and Conclusion

By adopting Dr. Laura’s recommendations, Michelle expresses optimism about reducing her daughter's habitual apologies and fostering a healthier communication environment. She acknowledges the value of replacing unnecessary apologies with expressions of love and ensuring that any apology made is sincere and contextually appropriate.

Michelle concludes the call with gratitude:

“Okay, great idea. I can do that.” (04:19).

Dr. Laura reassures her:

“You know what to do. You got it. Now you're ready to roll, Mom.” (04:41).

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Notable Quotes

• Michelle: “Honey, please don't forget to take your dishes over to the sink. Okay, mom, I'm sorry” (00:18).
• Dr. Laura: “If he never said he was sorry, I'd be all over him. Come on, you're going to tell me you never brought it up?” (01:21).
• Dr. Laura: “Every time your daughter does that, you go, what did you do wrong? I appreciate an apology for something you've done wrong. Could you tell me what you've done wrong?” (03:12).
• Dr. Laura: “If you ask her to get the towel, say okay, Mom. Love you.” (03:39).
• Michelle: “Okay, great idea. I can do that.” (04:19).

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Closing Remarks

Dr. Laura concludes the episode by sharing upcoming content, including reading a listener’s children’s book, and encourages listeners to engage with the podcast through ratings and social media sharing.

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This episode provides valuable insights into addressing over-apologetic behavior in children, emphasizing the importance of meaningful communication and genuine accountability within family dynamics.

Transcript

[A]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Michelle, welcome to the program.

[B]

Hello. How are you?

[A]

Good. What's happening?

[B]

Hi. So I have a 9 year old daughter and I would love your thoughts on how I can help her stop apologizing for everything. And when I say she apologizes for everything, it could be, I could say, honey, please don't forget to take your dishes over to the sink. Okay, mom, I'm sorry, or honey, I laid your clothes out on the bed. I've got everything ready for you. Get moving. Okay, Mom, I'm sorry. So this.

[A]

Who else in the family tends to get apologetic?

[B]

It's definitely not my husband. You're clear about that very crystal.

[A]

And do you argue about him not saying sorry?

[B]

No, ma'am. No ma'am. I do.

[A]

I couldn't resist that. If he never said he was sorry, I'd be all over him. Come on, you're going to tell me you never brought it up? Come on.

[B]

No.

[A]

Give me a shovel.

[B]

In cases, yes, I have brought it up and I'm very big on manners. Men and women should have manners and treat each other with kindness and respect and, you know. So yes, I have brought that up because I need her to know that daddy can apologize too, when, when it's definitely needed and appropriate. And I'm the same way. I, I'm not overly apologetic by any means, you know, unless I, I've done something wrong or I am at fault. But you ask who else in the family is very apologetic. I can honestly say overly apologetic. No one.

[A]

Okay, how about you drop the word overly?

[B]

Okay, if I drop the word overly Apollo or. Excuse me, if I drop the word overly, I would say me.

[A]

Well, then this is the 11 year old version of you.

[B]

Oh, if you ask my mom, if you say. If you ask my mom that she would have said no. No, Dr. Laura, Michelle was a terror. Was not. It was, was a little bit of a terror at nine.

[A]

Yes, but that was then, this is now.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Okay. This is actually simply done.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Every time your daughter does that, you go, what did you do wrong? I appreciate an apology for something you've done wrong. Could you tell me what you've done wrong? Because basically when a person apologizes, they're supposed to say, I kicked the door in and I'm sorry. So you have to mention what you did wrong and then say sorry. Otherwise, when I ask you to get the towel, say okay, Mom. Love you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I think all of you should be running around saying love you all the time.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

So let's change sorry to love you.

[B]

I can do that. I can do that.

[A]

That means you, too. I didn't make your soup in time. I'm sorry. I got busy with something else, and that was wrong and I'm sorry. So you'll have to explain to her that I'm sorry follows an admission of the wrong deed, wrongdoing.

[B]

Okay, great idea. I can do that.

[A]

That way she'll understand. Because just plain apologies don't mean anything either. I mean, when you say sorry that flippantly, it has no meaning. And we want that to have remorse, to have a meeting. Meaning, not a meeting.

[B]

Yes, I agree with you 1 million percent. And I have been unsuccessfully able to convey that to her. So now you're on a roll.

[A]

You know what to do. You got it. Now you're ready to roll, Mom.

[B]

Yes, ma'am. Thank you so much. You have a great day. Appreciate you.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[B]

Thanks. Bye. Bye.

[A]

My number, 1-800-375-2872, a person. I'm going to open the program tomorrow with a children's book written by a listener who was at the VIP section of the celebration of my 50 years on radio. After the show, she wrote a children's book and it's on. Sorry, I'm going to read it the opening tomorrow. And she dedicated it to me. It's a published book and she does the four Rs. She even added another R. I was okay with that. I'll read that on air tomorrow. I have to find out where it's sold so you guys can get it, but that'll be tomorrow. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.