Who's Going to Save My Granddaughter?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Who's Going to Save My Granddaughter?"

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Date: October 27, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Kimberly, a grandmother deeply concerned about the destructive environment her granddaughter is growing up in. Kimberly describes family visits marked by anger, yelling, and passive parenting, and seeks advice on how—or if—she can exert a positive influence in her granddaughter’s life. Dr. Laura offers her characteristic direct advice, emphasizing courage, honest confrontation, and the limits of a grandparent’s influence in toxic family dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Situation: A Tormented Grandmother

• Kimberly’s Dilemma: Kimberly describes flying several states to visit her son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter, only to witness lots of family tension, yelling, and a generally hostile home (01:06–02:31).
  • She feels “tormented” and powerless, admitting she often retreats (literally going to her room) as her way of coping.

2. Handling Toxic Environments: Dr. Laura’s Advice

• Lost Cause or Take a Stand: Dr. Laura is blunt: “Lost cause. ... I’m more geared toward helping you deal with things in your mind, your soul, your psyche. But dealing with difficult, erratic, crappy people, I can't help you with that other than minimize contact.” (02:58–03:33)
• Encourages Minimizing Contact: If the dynamic is unchangeable, focus attention and effort elsewhere, even suggesting Kimberly invest energy in her other children (03:35).

3. Speaking Truth Boldly

• “Rip Faces Off”: Dr. Laura vividly describes how she would confront the situation:

  “I’d rip a few faces off and say, you know, you’re destroying this kid’s life. ... I will give [my money] to her when she's all grown up. Just want you to know that I see how crappy and angry and vicious and mean you are to each other and how it's impacting the family, and I don't want to be part of it anymore.” (06:29–07:12)

• Don’t Be Afraid of Retaliation: She acknowledges the risk (“Of course they’ll cut you off”) but insists that sometimes a grandparent’s duty is to be honest, regardless of the consequences (08:04–08:06).

4. Influence and Responsibility

• Women’s Reluctance: Dr. Laura notes, “Women in particular are scared to do this because they’re going to be mad at me. They won’t let me see [my granddaughter].” (07:55)

• Influence Only Comes from Action:

  “You may not be able to have any positive influence, but you sure would read them the riot act, and who knows if that would have impact. ... You have to tear a building down to build a new building.” (07:35)

• Highlighting Grandmother's Role: Kimberly feels she has “no influence”; Dr. Laura counters with tough love, saying retreating has only taught her granddaughter that “nobody stands up for her, not even her grandmother.” (10:14–10:29)

5. Direct Confrontation: In-Person or Not at All

• Action Plan: Dr. Laura recommends:

  “You do it in person, and stay at a hotel.” (08:50–09:01)
  Don’t expect to “out-yell” them—instead, deliver the truth calmly, wait for them to tire out, and repeat the message.

• No Half-Measures:

  “If you’re just going to go back to do the same wipey thing you’ve done so far, don’t bother. It doesn’t help.” (09:55)

6. Memorable Quotes & Tough Love

• Dr. Laura:

  • “Stop being a coward and only thinking about yourself. Stop it. I need you to be the matriarch or the red queen. Off with their heads.” (09:06–09:50)
  • “Your influence sucks.” (10:14)
  • “Then you’d be the kind of grandmother who makes cookies and is useless after that. You’re needed. Take care of business. You’re needed.” (11:51)

• Caller Kimberly:

  • “I just want to be clear. So I do go back and face it.” (09:50)

7. Grandparental Limits & Reality

• Accepting What Can't Be Changed: Dr. Laura is candid that sometimes, families are so dysfunctional that even a grandmother cannot “save” the child, but not taking the risk guarantees nothing changes.
• Moral Responsibility: The call closes with an insistence that Kimberly’s granddaughter needs her—and that kindness and cookies aren’t enough if the child is living in an emotionally destructive home (11:46–11:51).

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Kimberly describes family tension: 01:06–02:31
• Dr. Laura on “lost cause” and minimizing contact: 02:58–03:38
• Dr. Laura’s “rip faces off” confrontation approach: 06:29–07:12
• Kimberly on feeling powerless: 07:12–07:35
• Risk of being cut off vs. duty to speak truth: 07:55–08:32
• Plan to confront in person, not to out-yell: 08:50–10:06
• Impact of retreating vs. standing up: 10:14–10:29
• Final verdict: cookies vs. action: 11:46–11:51

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Conclusion

This episode is classic Dr. Laura: direct, unsparing, and focused on personal responsibility. She challenges Kimberly—and all listeners facing similar family dynamics—not to shy away from hard confrontations, even at the risk of family estrangement. Ultimately, her message is that love sometimes means telling the unvarnished truth and that protecting a child from harm may require taking painful stands and accepting inevitable consequences.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Kimberly]

Hello. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. What's up?

[Caller Kimberly]

Well, I seems like there's a theme today on grandparents or grandmothers. I'm calling today because I'm extremely tormented by a situation I have with my oldest son and going out to visit them. Each time I have visited I live several states away so I fly my granddaughter, their one child is eight years old now and each time I've flown out usually an average of once a year, sometimes a little, maybe it'll be two times depending on the situation. There is a lot of tension in their home. They always have said, you know, we're not host and I'm they're not the wife, my daughter in law is not a good hostess and that's okay, I've accepted that. But the tension in the home is very destructive and there's somewhat passive parenting or yelling and screaming. And my last trip out just a few weeks ago was my granddaughter is now 8 and the blaming and the yelling and the arguing and the screaming and I had to just excuse myself and go upstairs and I really didn't handle it well at all.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry. What would have what would have handling it well looked like.

[Caller Kimberly]

Oh, thank you for that. What would have handling it well look like, wow, what a great question. I think that I'm being blamed right now because they thought I should come back down for dinner and I was not able to come back down for dinner.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Kimberly, lost cause. You got any other kids? And you're right it's turning into a theme. And I don't want any more calls like this today because I'm left saying the same thing and it's not really, quote, helpful. I'm more geared toward helping you deal with things in your mind, your soul, your psyche. But dealing with difficult, erratic, crappy people, I can't help you with that other than minimize contact. As ridiculous for them to say you were a bad person. That's just ridiculous. I hope you have some other kids.

[Caller Kimberly]

I do. I do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. Focus on them.

[Caller Kimberly]

Yes, I have been. I'm just, you know, don't say I'm.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Just nothing that follows. I just is going to be useful for your life. Some people turn out to be crappy. Some people turn out to be crappy and you have no control over how they hurt their kids.

[Caller Kimberly]

Yeah. Yeah, it is sad.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hang out with them.

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[Caller Kimberly]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Now. The difference between 95% of the people who call me with this kind of story and me is that I'd rip a few faces off and say, you know, you're destroying this kid's life. You're not going to get any money when I die because I'm not giving it to crappy parents who hurt my grandkid. But I will give it to her when she's all grown up. Just want you to know that I see how crappy and angry and vicious and mean you are to each other and how it's impacting the family, and I don't want to be part of it anymore. If you want to send her to me till she grows up, I would love that. Then you could just yell and scream at each other with no interference. See, that's how I would handle it.

[Caller Kimberly]

Mm. Well, that's what I wanted to hear. Because I. I know you say a lot of you know about being. I'm still the matriarch. I'm. I'm. And I'm her grandmother, but I. I'm lost at how. Where's my. Where's my influence? I don't. That's what drove me to the call. I don't think I have any influence.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You may not be able to have any positive influence, but you sure would read them the riot act, and who knows if that would have impact. You're asking them to send the kid to you because theirs is a crappy house to grow up in. If you say the truth, it gives an opportunity for something to happen. You have to tear a building down to build a new building. But women in particular are scared to do this because they're going to be mad at me. They won't let me see.

[Caller Kimberly]

Oh, they'll cut me off.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, of course they'll cut you off. But you've got to take a stand on the off chance they get it, and especially tell them they Are no way in your will. You're not giving money to crappy parents. They are crappy spouses and crappy parents. And you're not going to help them. Of course they're going to cut you off. But not cutting you off does nothing for your granddaughter.

[Caller Kimberly]

Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for this call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Rip faces off for a change. And I would, if you're going to have the balls to do this, because you do have balls. They're just internal.

[Caller Kimberly]

Mm.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I've learned that. Okay, then you do it in person and stay at a hotel.

[Caller Kimberly]

Well, I do know that they'll out yell me. They'll out, they'll outdo me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What difference does it make? Tell me what difference it will make. What difference will it make? For all the time she gets to spend with you, what difference will it make? Tell me. You think you're having such an impact? You're not. You're there rarely. And then you go upstairs and hide, just like she does. Stop being a coward and only thinking about yourself. Stop it. I need you to be the matriarch or the red queen. Off with their heads.

[Caller Kimberly]

I just want to be clear. So I do go back and face it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, yes. Only if you're going to rip their faces off. If you're just going to go back to do the same wipey thing you've done so far, don't bother. It doesn't help.

[Caller Kimberly]

This last time, I just. I. I went to the room and hid. Literally, that night. Last night.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, gee. That was a big help for your daughter. Granddaughter. That was a huge help. Yeah. Now she knows that nobody stands up for her, not even her grandmother. So tell me about your influence. Your influence sucks.

[Caller Kimberly]

So when I. When I do go back, I stand up. I go back, I stand up. But what happens if, when they yell me down.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I can't help you anymore? I gave you an example of how I would do it. You either do it my way or don't bother. Let them yell you down. Shut up. Listen to them yell. When they run out of steam, hit them again. Don't yell over them. I don't think you have the strength. Don't yell over them. Wait till they shut up and start all over again. And make it clear you're damaging your daughter for life. This is despicable of the two of you. This has been going on forever. Why can't you two be kind and nice to each other? And if you can't, why are you together? So that she has to experience this every minute of every day. What the hell is wrong with the two of you? Don't you care about her at all? You want to hate each other more than you love your daughter? That's how you handle it. In my never to be humble opinion, but if you don't think you can hack that, you can't hack that. What can I say?

[Caller Kimberly]

Yeah, I got it. I got it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then you'd be the kind of grandmother who makes cookies and is useless after that. You're needed. Take care of business. You're needed. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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