Why Are My Friends Excluding Me?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Why Are My Friends Excluding Me?"

Podcast Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest: Sabrina (14-year-old eighth grader) and her Mother
Release Date: May 12, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Why Are My Friends Excluding Me?" Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the challenges faced by teenagers navigating social dynamics in school. Sabrina, a 14-year-old eighth grader, reaches out for guidance as she grapples with feelings of exclusion from her friend group. Joined by her mother, Sabrina seeks Dr. Laura's no-nonsense advice to better understand and address her social struggles.

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The Issue: Feeling Excluded in School

Sabrina's Experience

Sabrina initiates the conversation by expressing her discomfort:

"In my friend group, I've been feeling excluded and I just been feeling like a spectator during lunch and nutrition and I've just been standing there and not really knowing how to socialize with them."
— Sabrina [01:40]

She reveals that her interactions with her friends have dwindled:

"Yeah, I've been able to talk to them. It feels like they've been talking to me. Less mess."
— Sabrina [02:05]

Contextual Background

Sabrina's mother provides additional context, explaining recent changes in Sabrina's school environment:

"There's been a lot of disruption with the school. And so she knew these kids, the girls, prior to the merging of two schools, basically. So where she went from having a 200 group of kids in her class, it got merged into the other school and now there's 400 of them."
— Mother [05:34]

This merger led to a larger, more impersonal school setting, potentially contributing to Sabrina's feelings of isolation.

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Analyzing the Problem

Size of the Social Group

Dr. Laura questions the size of Sabrina's friend group within the larger school context:

"And we're talking about five or six. So when you're in with those five or six, what do those other girls do? They're left out."
— Dr. Laura [03:27]

With approximately 400 students in Sabrina's grade, the smallness of her current friend group stands in stark contrast, emphasizing the limited social circles she is navigating.

Impact of School Merger

The rapid transition from a smaller to a larger school may have left Sabrina clinging to familiar relationships amidst the chaos:

"She knew these kids, the girls, prior to the merging of two schools, basically."
— Mother [05:34]

This abrupt change likely disrupted existing friendships and made Sabrina feel out of place in the new, expansive environment.

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Dr. Laura's Advice

Expanding Social Circles

Dr. Laura encourages Sabrina to seek new friendships beyond her current group:

"You may want to see if any of the other friend groups feel more comfortable because all the way through life, you're not going to have those five or six girls in your life for the rest of your life."
— Dr. Laura [03:46]

She emphasizes the transient nature of friend groups and the importance of exploring new connections:

"Feeling like it's these five, six or you're just miserable just isn't true. And it doesn't have to be that way."
— Dr. Laura [04:18]

Taking Initiative

Dr. Laura advises Sabrina to take proactive steps in building new relationships:

"Ask Audrey to come over. Ask Audrey to do something with you. Ask Audrey before lunch. Hey, got some stuff I'd like to talk to you about."
— Dr. Laura [09:20]

She likens making friends to fishing, highlighting the need for Sabrina to present something appealing to attract others:

"You can't just stand there with a metal hook and wonder why you're alone."
— Dr. Laura [11:07]

Addressing Self-Esteem and Body Image

Beyond social interactions, Dr. Laura touches on Sabrina's self-esteem issues related to her body image:

"In addition to the fact that you're having anxiety about your body and I'd much more want you to be concerned about your brain. So assuming your body will never be the perfect one you wish you had..."
— Dr. Laura [11:33]

She redirects Sabrina's focus towards her intellectual and personal aspirations:

"Tell me what you want to do with your brain for the rest of your life."
— Dr. Laura [12:00]

When Sabrina shares her ambition to become a Rockette:

"I want to use it to succeed... I want to use it to be a Rockette."
— Sabrina [12:03]

Dr. Laura supports her goal, encouraging her to pursue her passions:

"Okay. Why not? I go do the right thing."
— Dr. Laura [12:38]

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Additional Insights

Mother's Perspective

Sabrina's mother shares her observations on Sabrina's behavior, linking it to the school's recent merger and Sabrina's struggles with calorie restriction:

"She's also been dealing with restricting her calories and we're getting her help with that."
— Mother [08:52]

This insight underscores the multifaceted challenges Sabrina faces, encompassing both social and personal health issues.

Emphasis on Quick Time Frames

Dr. Laura highlights the brevity of Sabrina's current experience:

"I've been with them for about a year now... That's hardly any time at all. Oh, my God, girl, that's a spit of time. It's tiny."
— Dr. Laura [05:41]

She reassures Sabrina that her current situation is temporary and encourages her to explore new social avenues.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides Sabrina with practical advice to overcome feelings of exclusion by expanding her social circles and focusing on her personal goals. By addressing both the immediate issue of social dynamics and underlying self-esteem concerns, Dr. Laura empowers Sabrina to take control of her social life and personal well-being. The episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners facing similar challenges, emphasizing the importance of adaptability, proactive engagement, and self-confidence in navigating teenage friendships.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "I came up with that word. Feet gently slide in thanks to an invisible built in shoehorn."
  — Dr. Laura [00:00] (Note: Advertisement content)

• "You may want to see if any of the other friend groups feel more comfortable..."
  — Dr. Laura [03:46]

• "It's never going to be perfect. But tell me what you want to do with your brain for the rest of your life."
  — Dr. Laura [11:33]

• "I want to use it to succeed... Being a Rockette."
  — Sabrina [12:03]

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Final Thoughts

This episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day" adeptly addresses the complexities of adolescent social life, offering actionable advice grounded in empathy and practical wisdom. Dr. Laura's approach underscores the importance of resilience, self-awareness, and proactive engagement in fostering meaningful relationships and personal growth.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Mom]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. Hi, Sabrina, how old are you?

[Sabrina]

I'm 14.

[Dr. Laura]

And what grade does that put you in?

[Sabrina]

Eighth.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, thank you. What's happening, Sabrina? What can I help you with?

[Sabrina]

In my friend group, I've been feeling excluded and I just been feeling like a spectator during lunch and nutrition and I've just been standing there and not really knowing how to socialize with them.

[Dr. Laura]

You were able to socialize with them before? Is this new?

[Sabrina]

Yeah, yeah, I've been able to talk to them. It feels like they've been talking to me. Less mess.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, how many people, I assume they're girls, are in your social group? Friend group.

[Mom]

She's counting.

[Sabrina]

Like hold on, five or six.

[Dr. Laura]

So there are five or six in this friend group and how many girls are there in your class level?

[Sabrina]

They're all in my class level.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, but it's only you and five or six girls in the whole school at your class level? It's a very small school.

[Mom]

Oh, no, there's about 400 students.

[Dr. Laura]

I want to know how many students are at are 14 years old and in your grade?

[Mom]

400.

[Dr. Laura]

400. And we're talking about five or six. So when you're in with those five or six, what do those other girls do? They're left out. What about them?

[Sabrina]

Well, they would have their own friend groups, the people who aren't a part of ours.

[Dr. Laura]

So there are just a whole bunch of friend groups. Is that how it works?

[Sabrina]

Ah, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Any of the other friend groups seem nice?

[Sabrina]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. You may want to see if any of the other friend groups feel more comfortable because all the way through life, you're not going to have those five or six girls in your life for the rest of your life. You're not going to. It's quite temporary. You are going to meet new people, new friends, new friend groups, and then you're going to say to yourself, you know, I'm not crazy about these people, and then you're going to find another friend group. So I guess what I'm suggesting is feeling like it's these five, six or you're just miserable just isn't true. And it doesn't have to be that way.

[Sabrina]

Okay, thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

What? What a bunch of girls do. Mom, tell her your experience in high school with bunches of girls.

[Mom]

I have told her, Dr. Laura. I have mentioned my experiences and how my friends have evolved throughout the years. I think she's hanging on to these girls because, sorry, there's been a lot of disruption with the school. And so she knew these kids, the girls, prior to the merging of two schools, basically. So where she went from having a 200 group of kids in her class, it got merged into the other school and now there's 400 of them. And so knowing that that's comfortable for her and because it got thrown in very quickly last year for her, last year as an eighth grader for me, from my perspective, I think that's why she's.

[Dr. Laura]

Sabrina, what do you think about what your mom just said in her tears?

[Sabrina]

I'd say it's pretty true. I've been with them for about a year now.

[Dr. Laura]

That's hardly any time at all. Oh, my God, girl, that's a spit of time. It's tiny. There are so many other girls you might like better. Look around. Invite kids to your house on the weekend.

[Mom]

Too naughty.

[Dr. Laura]

It's not as though you were in the ocean, Sabrina, and you're drowning and those are the only five girls you can hold onto. Come on.

[Mom]

What do you say?

[Sabrina]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Sabrina]

Dad, stop. Stop.

[Dad]

Stop right here.

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Dad]

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[Dr. Laura]

Well, she knew that. I don't know if she was done with me. Are you done with me? Sabrina? Did you want to ask anything else? Did you want to say anything else?

[Mom]

I mean, I don't know if this plays a factor. She's also been dealing with restricting her calories and we're getting her help with that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I'm sorry, that's a whole other call. All right.

[Mom]

Yeah, yeah, but it's. It's just. I think it's a combination of everything.

[Dr. Laura]

Which girls do you have the most? Which of these girls do you have the most in common with? What's her first name?

[Sabrina]

Audrey.

[Dr. Laura]

Audrey. Okay, connect with Audrey. Ask Audrey to come over. Ask Audrey to do something with you. Ask Audrey before lunch. Hey, got some stuff I'd like to talk to you about. Can we sit lunch and have lunch together? Sitting and standing on the side never made anybody more attractive. And I don't mean attractive. Pretty. If you want to be connected with people, you've got to. You've got to walk in the water.

[Sabrina]

I understand, but I just don't know what to say.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. What you doing? I saw this movie. Did you read this book? Is that boy cute or what? I mean, it's unlimited, honey. What you can say. I got this new nail polish. I think it sucks. What do you think? Anything. How did you do on the math test? I had trouble. You want to get together and do the history memorization together? You want to get our. Want to come over and we'll do our nails? Anything.

[Sabrina]

Okay, I think I can do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Now, you've ever seen anybody fishing? They throw a hook in the water and no fish come to the hook. What do they have to do to the hook?

[Sabrina]

Put bait on it.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. And then it's attractive. So you present something that we'd be interested in seeing something, doing something, and the fish come to bite. You can't just stand there with a metal hook and wonder why you're alone. Okay.

[Sabrina]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

In addition to the fact that you're having anxiety about your body and I'd much more want you to be concerned about your brain. So assuming your body will never be the perfect one you wish you had too much, too little. Too little on the thighs, too much on the arms. The reverse way. It's never going to be perfect. But tell me what you want to do with your brain for the rest of your life. Tell me that.

[Sabrina]

I want to use it as a.

[Dr. Laura]

What?

[Sabrina]

I want to use it to succeed.

[Dr. Laura]

At what?

[Sabrina]

Being a rocket?

[Dr. Laura]

Being a rock. You want to be a Rockette? Ice skating?

[Sabrina]

Yes. No. They do the Macy's trade.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Why not? I go do the right thing. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com DrLauraProgram.

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[Mom]

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