The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Why I Lie
Date: October 26, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Notable Caller: Valerie (9 years old)

Main Theme

In this heartwarming episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast, Dr. Laura Schlessinger talks with a nine-year-old caller named Valerie about honesty, responsibility, and the challenges children face with telling the truth. Through gentle questioning and empathetic discussion, Dr. Laura helps Valerie explore why she sometimes lies to her mother and guides her toward healthier communication through negotiation and compromise.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Initial Introduction to Valerie and Her Family

• [01:16] Dr. Laura welcomes Valerie, learning she is the oldest of three siblings.
  • Valerie: “I have two brothers…four months and five.”
  • Dr. Laura: “Oh, you’re the oldster in the family. You’re the old kid. You’re the big kid. You're the grown up more kid.”

2. Exploring the Reasons for Lying

• [02:05] Valerie admits, “And I lie.”
• Dr. Laura encourages Valerie to dig into her motivations for lying, not as judgment, but as understanding:
  • Dr. Laura: “Give me two good reasons to lie. Good reasons.” [02:06]
  • Valerie hesitantly responds, struggling to articulate 'good' reasons but agrees that lying can help avoid trouble:
    • “It did pay off. But then at the same time, when she found out it wasn’t good.” [03:13]
  • Dr. Laura normalizes the experience, playfully commiserating about parents “usually finding out.”
  • Memorable quote:
    • “For some reason, parents usually find out. I don’t know how that works, but it’s annoying. I’m with you on that.” — Dr. Laura, [03:23]

3. Lying About Responsibilities (The Rabbits)

• Valerie reveals she’s been lying about feeding her rabbits:
  • “She says sometimes, did you do the hay? And sometimes I say, yes, but that was a lie.” [03:43]
  • She explains that she’s “tired of” caring for them because she’s “done rabbits for a long time.” [04:10]
• Dr. Laura gently teases out Valerie’s feelings about responsibility vs. desire, confirming Valerie originally wanted the rabbits but now feels burdened.

4. Deeper Feelings Behind the Lying

• Valerie admits she’d rather “sit on the couch and watch my shows” than do chores, and this realization makes her cry.
  • Dr. Laura compassionately explores the embarrassment and guilt that can come with these admissions, validating Valerie’s feelings:
    • “That is embarrassing. I can see why you’re crying. Makes sense to me.” — Dr. Laura, [09:10]

5. Valerie’s Activities and Family Rules

• Discussion covers Valerie’s limited screen time:
  • “Like an hour maybe?” [09:38]
  • After which she’s either “on my iPad” (only on weekends) or helping her mom — “Laundry, sometimes. Dishwasher.” [10:57]
• Dr. Laura shares her own fondness for folding laundry as a way to connect and normalize chores.

6. Transition to Solutions: The Power of Honesty and Negotiation

• Dr. Laura praises Valerie for honesty and urges her to voice her needs instead of lying:
  • “Sometimes it may be scary to say the truth, but your mommy would be so much more pleased and proud of you if you told her the truth instead of a lie.” [11:31]
• When Valerie shares another example of lying to play with friends despite restrictions, Dr. Laura brainstorms alternatives.
• Creative, practical advice:
  • “When your mom says, ‘No, you can’t go play with your friends right now,’ you say, ‘Mom, let’s make a deal…’ In other words, earn the time with your friend. Give her something in return.” — Dr. Laura, [14:00-14:24]

7. Practicing New Communication Skills

• Dr. Laura role-plays with Valerie, encouraging her to make a deal with her mother live:
  • Valerie: “Can I play with my friends a bit longer? And I will clean the kitchen.” [15:39]
  • Mom agrees to try, reinforcing the win-win approach.
• Dr. Laura and Valerie celebrate the breakthrough:
  • Dr. Laura: “You didn’t have to lie. You got what you wanted and you gave mom respect and something back. This is super dupers.” [15:59]

8. Emphasis on Positive Change

• Dr. Laura reassures Valerie there’s a new path forward, leaving guilt behind:
  • “No more feeling like a bad kid…We’re starting new here. We’re starting fresh now. So no more feeling like a bad kid. Okay. Promise me.” — Dr. Laura, [17:09-17:17]
  • Valerie responds affirmatively: “Okay? Yes.” [17:17]

9. Concluding Inspiration

• Dr. Laura reflects on the value of negotiation and communication in families:
  • “This will be a lot of communication, a lot of negotiating. This will be terrific. No lying, no no’s. It’s all negotiation. I love it.” [17:26]

Notable Quotes and Moments by Timestamp

• 03:23 — “For some reason, parents usually find out. I don’t know how that works, but it’s annoying. I’m with you on that.” — Dr. Laura
• 09:10 — “That is embarrassing. I can see why you’re crying. Makes sense to me.” — Dr. Laura
• 11:31 — “Sometimes it may be scary to say the truth, but your mommy would be so much more pleased and proud of you if you told her the truth instead of a lie.” — Dr. Laura
• 14:00 — “When your mom says, ‘No, you can’t go play with your friends right now,’ you say, ‘Mom, let’s make a deal…’ In other words, earn the time with your friend. Give her something in return.” — Dr. Laura
• 15:39 — Valerie practices: “Can I play with my friends a bit longer? And I will clean the kitchen.”
• 15:59 — “You didn’t have to lie. You got what you wanted and you gave mom respect and something back. This is super dupers.” — Dr. Laura
• 17:09 — “No more feeling like a bad kid…We’re starting new here. We’re starting fresh now. So no more feeling like a bad kid. Okay. Promise me.” — Dr. Laura

Takeaways

• Lying is often motivated by a desire to avoid responsibility or negative emotions.
• Honesty, though sometimes challenging or embarrassing, is rewarded by trust and improved relationships.
• Negotiation and compromise provide a healthier, more effective alternative to dishonesty in family dynamics.
• Empathy, validation, and encouragement—especially when dealing with children—can foster positive behavioral changes.

Tone & Style

Dr. Laura’s approach is warm, humorous, and direct. She balances seriousness with lighthearted moments, using empathy and wit to guide Valerie. The conversation is relatable for both children and parents, making the episode uplifting and instructive.