Why I Lie

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Why I Lie
Date: October 26, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Notable Caller: Valerie (9 years old)

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Main Theme

In this heartwarming episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast, Dr. Laura Schlessinger talks with a nine-year-old caller named Valerie about honesty, responsibility, and the challenges children face with telling the truth. Through gentle questioning and empathetic discussion, Dr. Laura helps Valerie explore why she sometimes lies to her mother and guides her toward healthier communication through negotiation and compromise.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Initial Introduction to Valerie and Her Family

• [01:16] Dr. Laura welcomes Valerie, learning she is the oldest of three siblings.
  • Valerie: “I have two brothers…four months and five.”
  • Dr. Laura: “Oh, you’re the oldster in the family. You’re the old kid. You’re the big kid. You're the grown up more kid.”

2. Exploring the Reasons for Lying

• [02:05] Valerie admits, “And I lie.”
• Dr. Laura encourages Valerie to dig into her motivations for lying, not as judgment, but as understanding:
  • Dr. Laura: “Give me two good reasons to lie. Good reasons.” [02:06]
  • Valerie hesitantly responds, struggling to articulate 'good' reasons but agrees that lying can help avoid trouble:
    • “It did pay off. But then at the same time, when she found out it wasn’t good.” [03:13]
  • Dr. Laura normalizes the experience, playfully commiserating about parents “usually finding out.”
  • Memorable quote:
    • “For some reason, parents usually find out. I don’t know how that works, but it’s annoying. I’m with you on that.” — Dr. Laura, [03:23]

3. Lying About Responsibilities (The Rabbits)

• Valerie reveals she’s been lying about feeding her rabbits:
  • “She says sometimes, did you do the hay? And sometimes I say, yes, but that was a lie.” [03:43]
  • She explains that she’s “tired of” caring for them because she’s “done rabbits for a long time.” [04:10]
• Dr. Laura gently teases out Valerie’s feelings about responsibility vs. desire, confirming Valerie originally wanted the rabbits but now feels burdened.

4. Deeper Feelings Behind the Lying

• Valerie admits she’d rather “sit on the couch and watch my shows” than do chores, and this realization makes her cry.
  • Dr. Laura compassionately explores the embarrassment and guilt that can come with these admissions, validating Valerie’s feelings:
    • “That is embarrassing. I can see why you’re crying. Makes sense to me.” — Dr. Laura, [09:10]

5. Valerie’s Activities and Family Rules

• Discussion covers Valerie’s limited screen time:
  • “Like an hour maybe?” [09:38]
  • After which she’s either “on my iPad” (only on weekends) or helping her mom — “Laundry, sometimes. Dishwasher.” [10:57]
• Dr. Laura shares her own fondness for folding laundry as a way to connect and normalize chores.

6. Transition to Solutions: The Power of Honesty and Negotiation

• Dr. Laura praises Valerie for honesty and urges her to voice her needs instead of lying:
  • “Sometimes it may be scary to say the truth, but your mommy would be so much more pleased and proud of you if you told her the truth instead of a lie.” [11:31]
• When Valerie shares another example of lying to play with friends despite restrictions, Dr. Laura brainstorms alternatives.
• Creative, practical advice:
  • “When your mom says, ‘No, you can’t go play with your friends right now,’ you say, ‘Mom, let’s make a deal…’ In other words, earn the time with your friend. Give her something in return.” — Dr. Laura, [14:00-14:24]

7. Practicing New Communication Skills

• Dr. Laura role-plays with Valerie, encouraging her to make a deal with her mother live:
  • Valerie: “Can I play with my friends a bit longer? And I will clean the kitchen.” [15:39]
  • Mom agrees to try, reinforcing the win-win approach.
• Dr. Laura and Valerie celebrate the breakthrough:
  • Dr. Laura: “You didn’t have to lie. You got what you wanted and you gave mom respect and something back. This is super dupers.” [15:59]

8. Emphasis on Positive Change

• Dr. Laura reassures Valerie there’s a new path forward, leaving guilt behind:
  • “No more feeling like a bad kid…We’re starting new here. We’re starting fresh now. So no more feeling like a bad kid. Okay. Promise me.” — Dr. Laura, [17:09-17:17]
  • Valerie responds affirmatively: “Okay? Yes.” [17:17]

9. Concluding Inspiration

• Dr. Laura reflects on the value of negotiation and communication in families:
  • “This will be a lot of communication, a lot of negotiating. This will be terrific. No lying, no no’s. It’s all negotiation. I love it.” [17:26]

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Notable Quotes and Moments by Timestamp

• 03:23 — “For some reason, parents usually find out. I don’t know how that works, but it’s annoying. I’m with you on that.” — Dr. Laura
• 09:10 — “That is embarrassing. I can see why you’re crying. Makes sense to me.” — Dr. Laura
• 11:31 — “Sometimes it may be scary to say the truth, but your mommy would be so much more pleased and proud of you if you told her the truth instead of a lie.” — Dr. Laura
• 14:00 — “When your mom says, ‘No, you can’t go play with your friends right now,’ you say, ‘Mom, let’s make a deal…’ In other words, earn the time with your friend. Give her something in return.” — Dr. Laura
• 15:39 — Valerie practices: “Can I play with my friends a bit longer? And I will clean the kitchen.”
• 15:59 — “You didn’t have to lie. You got what you wanted and you gave mom respect and something back. This is super dupers.” — Dr. Laura
• 17:09 — “No more feeling like a bad kid…We’re starting new here. We’re starting fresh now. So no more feeling like a bad kid. Okay. Promise me.” — Dr. Laura

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Takeaways

• Lying is often motivated by a desire to avoid responsibility or negative emotions.
• Honesty, though sometimes challenging or embarrassing, is rewarded by trust and improved relationships.
• Negotiation and compromise provide a healthier, more effective alternative to dishonesty in family dynamics.
• Empathy, validation, and encouragement—especially when dealing with children—can foster positive behavioral changes.

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura’s approach is warm, humorous, and direct. She balances seriousness with lighthearted moments, using empathy and wit to guide Valerie. The conversation is relatable for both children and parents, making the episode uplifting and instructive.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mom and Valerie, welcome to the program. Hi, Valerie.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how old are you, Valerie?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I'm nine.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Brothers and sisters?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I have two brothers.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how old are they?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Four months and five.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, you're the oldster in the family. You're the old kid. You're the big kid. You're the grown up more kid. All right. So what do you think about the new one?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

He's fun.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Can you believe you used to look like that?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No. Okay. How can I help you, Valerie?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I say that to my mom a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You say no to your mom a lot.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

And I lie.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Like. And you lie. Okay, give me two good reasons to lie. Good reasons.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

It's not. It's not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There are good reasons to lie. One is you get it. You get out of trouble. Maybe.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so give me some more.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

They believe you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Which gives you what?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Bad emotions?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, you're coming at this the wrong way. I want to know why you lied. And you didn't lie because it gave you bad emotions. You lied because it worked. So the lying was useful. I just want to find out in what way was it useful? Please don't be shy with me. I'm not Judging you. I'm not sending you to your room without supper. I just want to know the good part of lying. How that paid off for you.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

It did pay off. But then at the same time, when she found out it wasn't good.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's true. And for some reason, parents usually find out. I don't know how that works, but it's annoying. I'm with you on that. So what kinds of things would you lie about?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

My rabbits.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Tell me a lie about the rabbits.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

She says sometimes, did you do the hay? And sometimes I say, yes, but that was a lie.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. And the reason you said yes is because you didn't want to go feed the rabbits?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Why didn't you want to go feed the rabbits? If you don't feed them, they're going to croak on you.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

It's just I've done rabbits for a long time, and I just got tired of it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I see. Is this the first time you told your mother you're tired of rabbits?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

No. I've told her a lot, but.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Was a lie, too.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So for how long have you had rabbits?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I don't even know. Since I was just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Your whole life.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

X? Maybe six?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, six. Okay. Let me ask you something. Are. Did you ask for the rabbits in the first place?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. So, yeah, okay, so you asked for the rabbits, and that makes you responsible. And now is it that you don't like the rabbits anymore or you just don't want to be bothered taking care of them? Which is it?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I don't want to be bothered taking care of them.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. What do you want to use that time for instead of the rabbit?

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[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Sitting on the couch and watching my shows.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I see. Okay, take a breath. I know you're upset. Just take a few breaths so you can calm down a little bit. What do you think is making you cry right now?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, you do. Because your thoughts are in your head. So share with me the thoughts in your head that are making you cry. Come on. What? That you would rather watch television than take care of your pets?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, I'm with you on that. That is embarrassing. I can see why you're crying. Makes sense to me. Yeah. All right. By the way, how much television are you allowed to watch? A.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Not much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Like how much? How many programs can you watch?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Like an hour maybe?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you're only allowed an hour to watch your shows?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what do you do with the rest of the time?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

On my iPad.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're on your iPad?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Doing what on your iPad?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Playing Roblox.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Got it. Okay. You have unlimited use of your iPad. I mean, can you play with it as long as you want?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

No, I can only play with it on the weekends.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so after you watch an hour of TV during the week, you can't watch any television, right? Just an hour.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So then what. What do you do with the rest of the time during the week?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I either go play with my friends or help my mom.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, good. And what do you help your mom with?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Laundry, sometimes. Dishwasher.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you good at doing laundries?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you. Do you fold? Well, I'm a fabulous folder. I love folding. Yeah, it seems crazy, but it's very relaxing and to see nice piles of things. Okay. I get the feeling you're not a bad kid. Am I correct so far?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. And I can see that you feel bad about yourself that you do this lying. So what I'd like you to do instead of the lying is to say the truth at the moment. Say, mom, I don't really want to feed the bunnies anymore. I wish they would go away. Then you won't be lying. Sometimes it may be scary to say the truth, but your mommy would be so much more pleased and proud of you if you told her the truth instead of a lie. So let's forget about the lying right now and let's talk about some truths. So give me something else you've lied about this week.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

My friends. So she said they can't play a day, but I do it anyways, and I say yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And what. What would be the truth?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

To not do that and to listen to her and tell her, well, okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So there are times. I didn't quite follow that. There are times you want to play with your friends and mom says no. Explain to me what you meant. Oh, and mom says no, so you go there anyway?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. What's your punishment when you do that?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Sometimes I have to do a lot of work.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What kind of work?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Like cleaning the windows and cleaning the kitchen. Cleaning my room.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You know, if you were my kid, I'd beg you to lie because then I can have all these things taken care of by you. Honey, please lie to me. I need the windows cleaned. So cleaning the windows and doing all that, you're. You're okay with doing that? To have a little more time with your friends so you're okay with doing all of that, Is that correct?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Sometimes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So sometimes it's a good trade off. Well, then here's what I'd like you to do. I have such a good idea for you. Okay. When your mom says, no, you can't go play with your friends right now, you say, mom, let's make a deal. Let me go play with my friends until two o', clock, Whatever. Okay. And then I will clean the bathroom.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So in other words, earn the time with your friend. Give her something in return.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you think about that?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

I like that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. So no more lying. You're going to make a deal from now on. Mom, I want to make a deal. Let me hear you say that. Mom, I want to make a deal.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Mom, I want to make a deal.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Perfect. Okay. Can you think of a deal you'd like to make now so we can get some practice? Is there something she wants you to do and you don't want to do it? Whatever that we could make a deal with right now. Let's practice.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Maybe if I don't want to do my rabbits, lay on my TV or iPad a bit longer and then go do them.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So be very specific. Let me do two shows and I promise I'll take care of the rabbits every day. So mom's right here. Ask her to make a deal and see if she says yes. I don't know, you know. So let's do it right now. Go ahead.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Can I play with my friends a bit longer? And I will clean the kitchen. Okay, I think we can try that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hey, you just made a deal with your mom.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

We did it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You didn't have to lie. You got what you wanted and you gave mom respect and something back. This is super dupers. What do you think, Valerie? Are you happy now?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Okay. Lots of hugs. Any other questions? Are you good to go?

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

And so my mom knows a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that's going to change because you're going to make a deal.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So when she wants something, say, mom, let's make a deal. I'll do that in exchange for. And sometimes she'll say, yeah, I don't like that deal. And then you'll have to change the deal a little bit. But I bet you and your mom will do a great job at making deals. So no more lying, no more saying no. It's all deals. And no more crying that you're a bad girl and you're embarrassed. Stop it, okay? Stop it. We're starting new here. We're starting fresh now. So no more feeling like a bad kid. Okay. Promise me.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Okay? Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. That I like that energy. Okay. Bye, Mom. Bye, Valerie.

[Valerie (Child Caller)]

Bye.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Bye. Oh, God, I loved them. That is so sweet. I think that's great. This will be a lot of communication, a lot of negotiating. This will be terrific. No lying, no no's. It's all negotiation. I love it. Let me help you with something going on in your life. Maybe I can come up with a plan that makes things better. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com DrLauraProgram.

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