Worry Won't Change Anything

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "Worry Won't Change Anything"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 6, 2025
Main Caller: Kathy

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Overview

This episode centers on a deeply personal call from Kathy, a mother struggling with worry over her adult son’s homelessness and her inability to reconnect or help him change. Dr. Laura listens, asks clarifying questions about Kathy’s family history, and provides her signature no-nonsense advice, emphasizing personal responsibility and acceptance of life’s difficult, sometimes unfixable realities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kathy’s Backstory and Main Concern

• Kathy reveals her son is homeless by choice (01:48–05:18).
  • She traces the origins to a difficult family situation, a turbulent divorce, and her ex-husband’s negative influence on their son.
  • Kathy struggles with guilt and a sense of helplessness as her son refuses contact and chooses a transient life.

2. Family Dynamics and History

• Dr. Laura probes for context on the family environment (02:21–04:49).
  • Kathy explains that after a bitter divorce, her son was caught in the middle and eventually left to live with his father in another state.
  • She wonders if her decision to follow “tough love” advice contributed to the outcome.
  • Other children in the family are discussed and appear to be doing well, adding to Kathy’s complex feelings (08:24–09:05).

3. Dr. Laura’s Core Advice: Acceptance vs. Control

• Kathy asks how she can get her son to open up and reconnect.
  • Dr. Laura is direct: "You can't. You can't. If he's unwilling to do that, you can't. You can't do that one-sided. I'm sorry. I wish I really had a technique for that. Some things you can't fix. Some things you can't fix. They have to be endured." (10:01–10:19)
  • She reiterates the necessity of accepting what cannot be changed and not expending energy trying to fix what is out of one’s control.

4. The Reality of Worry and Unsolvable Problems

• Dr. Laura compassionately, yet firmly, tells Kathy:
  • "I can't [make you feel better about this]. Nobody can. You're just going to have to feel bad until you're dead and you won't feel bad anymore." (09:37–09:55)
  • She normalizes the pain and sadness that comes with certain parental situations, affirming these emotions are sometimes simply to be endured, rather than solved.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On One-Sided Reconnection:

  "You can't. If he's unwilling to do that, you can't. You can't do that one-sided. I'm sorry. I wish I really had a technique for that. Some things you can't fix. Some things you can't fix. They have to be endured."
  — Dr. Laura (10:01–10:19)

• On Accepting Sadness:

  "I can't [make you feel better about this]. Nobody can. You're just going to have to feel bad until you're dead and you won't feel bad anymore."
  — Dr. Laura (09:37–09:55)

• Caller’s Resignation and Hope:

  "Well, I've been accepting that for decades already and I'm just hoping nothing is going to change."
  — Kathy (10:19–10:32)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:48–05:18] — Kathy describes her son's homelessness and troubled family past
• [08:24–09:05] — Overview of Kathy’s other children and their life paths
• [09:35–10:19] — Dr. Laura’s advice on one-sided relationships and enduring unfixable problems
• [10:19–10:32] — Kathy acknowledges decades of acceptance and lingering hope

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Episode Tone and Style

As always, Dr. Laura delivers her counsel with her trademark bluntness and candor, refusing to offer false hope or platitudes. Her approach is empathetic but grounded in realities—she encourages listeners to accept difficult feelings when change is not possible and to recognize the limits of personal influence over others' choices. Kathy’s vulnerability is met with respect and honest guidance.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a poignant exploration of the limits of parental power, the enduring pain some family issues bring, and the importance of learning to accept rather than fix certain realities. Dr. Laura’s message: Worrying and wishing cannot change what someone else does not want to change, and sometimes, the healthiest option is to endure the discomfort rather than futilely seek a nonexistent solution.

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Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Well, I was looking at my phone when you first started and my phone actually said this was a day that you talk about depression and I forgot what the other word was because I can't see my my phone anymore because it's all your your phone number. But I think the one thing right now that's bothering me a lot is because I have a son that is homeless and I've had to and why.

[B]

Why is he homeless.

[C]

By choice and he doesn't.

[B]

What has what made him make that choice? How do you understand his behavior and choices?

[C]

It started with a bad home life and then it got worse when the home life got worse.

[B]

Whose home life? Whose home life are we talking about?

[C]

Well, it started with mine, then my marriage and then my kids and it was like a snowball effect. This poor kid, he got. He got the brunt of my divorce. And I know you're gonna say why did you get it?

[B]

How did he get the brunt? What was. How did he get the brunt what does that mean?

[C]

Because his, his father was very vindictive and told him terrible things about me that I thought, you don't have to fight it, you don't have to stand up for yourself because he knows me. So I just let it go. And by the time he was 14, his dad had talked him into going to his house in another state and made life so miserable at my house that I had to let him go. I mean, it was the type of situation that I could see no good coming out of it. And I read that stupid book about tough love. And their thoughts on the matter was you have to do certain things because you love them. You can't let them get away with some of the stupid things. Like, for instance, found out that he was trying marijuana at 14. But he was. I had him in counseling the whole family first and they said that they needed to talk to him more. So. Okay. And he told me every week, you know, this isn't doing any good. Well, where'd he go from that? But the thing was he started getting in a lot of trouble.

[B]

So how old is he now?

[C]

I ever hurt.

[B]

How old is he now?

[C]

He's 56.

[B]

So when you say he's homeless, where is he living?

[C]

He went down south because it was warmer.

[B]

Is he living in a tent? Is he living under a bridge? Is he living in an apartment? Just tell me where he's living.

[C]

It changes. I know that one time he did tell me he had a tent and because they have hurricanes down there, I worried about him a lot. So.

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[C]

I have a daughter that's really succeeding very well in life. That's a good husband, got good kids. And they both. One's about to graduate from college. One already did.

[B]

Okay. And. And the other.

[C]

My other son had a couple of problems with women. Of course he had started off by marrying both of them. Ending up. Both of them cheated on him. So he dumped them both with kids.

[B]

So how is he doing now?

[C]

Knowing that that's crucial. Great. They. They all love.

[B]

So your. Your question for me today is.

[C]

Is what do I do? I have to face the fact that my son is homeless all the time.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

But he wasn't.

[B]

I need. Ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, ma'. Am. I need a question that I can help you with.

[C]

Okay. I would like to open up conversations with them and it's not possible.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

He's here in Ohio.

[B]

Okay, sweetheart, I'm here to help, but I don't know what it is you want me to do yet. Do you want me to make you feel all better that this is happening? I can't. Nobody can. You're just going to have to feel bad until you're dead and you won't feel bad anymore. So I need a question.

[C]

How can I get him to open up to me? What he needs in life you can't.

[B]

You can't. If he's unwilling to do that, you can't. You can't do that. One sided. I'm sorry. I wish I really had a technique for that. Some things you can't fix. Some things you can't fix. They have to be endured.

[C]

Well, I've been accepting that for decades already and I'm just hoping nothing is going to change.

[B]

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[C]

Possibility means you have a chance.

[B]

Passion opens the door to all possibilities.

[A]

When I feel like anything's possible, I.

[C]

Feel kind of giddy.

[B]

I want to be an astronaut, an.

[C]

Artist, an actress, to visit another country.

[B]

All I need is a backpack and a pair of shoes and I'll find a way I'm able to do anything.

[C]

I set my mind to.

[B]

I've never felt like more things are.

[C]

Possible than right now. In the right shoes, anything is possible.

[D]

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