Podcast Summary: "You Have to Make a Change to See a Change"

Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Patty, who is grappling with the ongoing turmoil caused by her 39-year-old stepson's addiction and criminal behavior. Having just celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary, Patty feels trapped by her husband's refusal to take decisive action against his son’s repeated offenses. Dr. Laura provides her signature no-nonsense advice, urging Patty to make firm, actionable changes instead of relying on empty threats or manipulation, and to reclaim control over her own life and safety.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: A Marriage Undermined by Addiction ([00:59]–[01:43])

• Patty shares her 25-year marriage to a man with a 39-year-old son struggling with addiction.
• Recent events: After returning from their anniversary trip, Patty discovered the stepson had stolen her car, credit cards, and money, and had misused their trust once again.
• Dr. Laura immediately identifies courage and accountability as missing elements from both spouses' responses.

2. Dr. Laura's Immediate, Blunt Solution ([01:58]–[02:17])

• Dr. Laura: "The answer to your problems is something neither one of you has the guts to do." ([01:58])
• She advises calling the police and pressing criminal charges to break the cycle of enabling.

3. Systemic Failure & Emotional Exhaustion ([02:17]–[03:25])

• Patty explains the apparent lack of support from authorities, the judicial system, and even credit card companies, which fuels her feeling of helplessness.
• She expresses frustration with her husband’s recurring promises to change, which are never fulfilled.

4. The Futility of Hollow Ultimatums ([03:25]–[03:43])

• Dr. Laura: "Telling him you can't move on is bullshit. He knows you can. He knows your threats are meaningless." ([03:25])
• Dr. Laura stresses that ultimatums carry weight only if accompanied by real action and a willingness to follow through.

5. Taking Concrete Action for Self-Protection ([04:20]–[05:19])

• Dr. Laura suggests legal separation and living apart as ways for Patty to protect herself, without necessarily ending the marriage.
• Dr. Laura: "If you don't want to live like this anymore, you'll have to move. You don't have to divorce him ... you can get a legal separation and live somewhere else." ([04:20])

6. The Consequences of Weak Parenting ([04:28]–[05:01])

• Dr. Laura labels Patty’s husband not as a “good man,” but as a "weak man,” attributing the son’s failures to lack of paternal discipline.
• Dr. Laura: "He's a weak man, which is one of the reasons his son is such a loser." ([04:28])
• The son is described as having spent more time in jail than out since age 15.

7. Standing Firm Amidst Social Pressures ([09:36]–[10:33])

• Dr. Laura reassures Patty that her plan to move out (even while still involved with her husband) is reasonable, and criticizes the influence of others who discourage change just to keep things comfortable.
• Dr. Laura: "Stop listening to a whole lot of itinerant people who just want to keep everything copacetic." ([10:22])

8. Ownership and Agency ([10:53]–[11:25])

• Dr. Laura encourages Patty to frame this move as taking control, making it clear that she is acting to improve the quality of her own life.
• She suggests setting a clear timeline for her husband: "You have one year. In that one year you don't make there be a difference, I'm never moving back in." ([11:08]–[11:25])

9. The Role of Support Systems and Patterns of Enabling ([11:57]–[12:47])

• Discussion of Patty’s Al Anon support, with Dr. Laura questioning its ultimate benefits for her particular case.
• Dr. Laura: "So you can complain but not leave ... that's the game." ([12:25]–[12:37])
• Patty is forced to reflect on how support circles can unintentionally reinforce the status quo.

10. Final Thoughts: Kindness Versus Self-Respect ([13:08]–[13:46])

• Patty expects to hear she should be kind to her husband; Dr. Laura insists enough is enough.
• Dr. Laura: "25 years of this bullshit. What do you mean, kinder? His being kinder has left you in this and has supported his son being a bum." ([13:17])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura: "The answer to your problems is something neither one of you has the guts to do." ([01:58])
• Dr. Laura: "Telling him you can't move on is bullshit. He knows you can. He knows your threats are meaningless." ([03:25])
• Dr. Laura: "If you don't want to live like this anymore, you'll have to move ... you can get a legal separation and live somewhere else." ([04:20])
• Dr. Laura: "He's a weak man, which is one of the reasons his son is such a loser." ([04:28])
• Dr. Laura: "Stop listening to a whole lot of itinerant people who just want to keep everything copacetic." ([10:22])
• Dr. Laura: "You have one year ... if you don't make there be a difference, I'm never moving back in." ([11:08])
• Dr. Laura: "So you can complain but not leave ... that's the game." ([12:37])
• Dr. Laura: "25 years of this bullshit. What do you mean, kinder? His being kinder has left you in this and has supported his son being a bum." ([13:17])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Caller’s dilemma and background: [00:59]–[01:43]
• Dr. Laura’s hardline advice: [01:58]–[02:17]
• Patty expresses frustration and describes marital pattern: [02:38]–[03:25]
• Discussion on ineffective ultimatums: [03:25]–[03:43]
• Recommendation for separation: [04:20]–[05:19]
• Critique of weak parenting: [04:28]–[05:01]
• Encouragement to disregard others’ opinions: [09:36]–[10:33]
• Action plan and setting boundaries: [10:53]–[11:25]
• Reflection on Al Anon and the cycle of enabling: [11:57]–[12:47]
• Challenging the notion of “being kinder”: [13:08]–[13:46]

Conclusion

This episode showcases Dr. Laura's direct, tough-love approach as she counsels Patty to move beyond warnings and make real changes, emphasizing personal responsibility and the necessity of actions over words. Dr. Laura dismantles excuses and social pressures, encouraging Patty to act decisively for her own well-being after years of turmoil. For listeners, this call demonstrates the limits of patience and the importance of boundaries when dealing with addiction and enabling within a family.