Episode Overview

Episode #201: Family of Origin Dysfunction: Why Going Home Dysregulates Your Brain
Host: Dr. Trish Leigh
Date: December 21, 2025

In this special holiday episode, Dr. Trish Leigh dives deep into the neuroscience of why returning home or gathering with your family of origin can feel so emotionally and physically draining. She unpacks how old neural wiring, emotional memories, and family roles are triggered during these times, causing stress, anxiety, and even identity regression. Dr. Leigh provides actionable strategies to maintain self-regulation, set boundaries, and "rewire" your brain for healthier, more empowered holiday experiences.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Neurological Roots of Family Triggers

• Why Family Feels So Charged

  • Being with your family activates the oldest wiring in your nervous system—patterns formed long before adult self-regulation was possible.
  • "When you walk into that house, your brain doesn't just see the present... it sees the past. Old roles can come back online super quick." – Dr. Trish Leigh [03:37]

• Roles We Fall Back Into

  • The fixer, the achiever, the invisible one, the peacemaker, the scapegoat.
  • Sudden regressions to "child self" are common unless a strong "adult self" identity is present.

2. How Family Environments Hijack the Brain

• Limbic System Reactivity

  • The limbic system, responsible for emotion and threat detection, gets "triggered" in familiar family settings, often overriding conscious intention.
  • "Your system may react before you even know what's happening. We've got to catch this, right?" [04:50]

• Emotional Memories and Threat Circuits

  • Old emotional memories become instantly reactivated, leading to inappropriate or destabilizing reactions.
  • "When I walk in the room, my threat circuits light up because there has not always been safety and security in that circle." [07:20]

• Nature, Nurture, and Navigation

  • Family creates early neural pathways (nature), experiences reinforce them (nurture), and personal growth (navigation) requires intentional effort to override past patterns.
  • Even after a "software update" (personal growth), old programming can glitch when back home.

3. Common Family Dysregulation Dynamics

• Boundary Collapse

  • Returning home often leads to disappearance of boundaries carefully established as adults.
  • "Boundary collapse...it’s your job to keep them up." [11:13]

• Energetic Drain

  • Being around dysregulated people makes it much harder to maintain self-regulation.
  • Dr. Leigh describes managing this with exercise and alone time: "I always work out...Then I go for a run, I chit chat with them. Man, was it cold when I just went." [13:18]

4. Neurological Self-Regulation: Brain Mapping

• Reading Your Brain Map
  • Dr. Leigh describes using brain mapping to observe "miswiring" (strained or drain brain patterns), especially after family events.
  • Goal: Reach and remain in the "green zone"—a state of regulated, adult self.

Strategies for Staying Regulated During Family Gatherings

1. Pre-Regulation Rituals [19:41]

• Prep Your Nervous System

  • Arrive as calm and regulated as possible.
  • "I chilled myself out on my flight there. I was ready to roll. Regulate you before they try to dysregulate you." [20:08]

• Micro-Boundaries

  • Insert breaks into interactions; spend time alone; set time limits.
  • "One of the micro boundaries I do is I put breaks in the middle of all of my interactions..." [20:44]

• Neutral Exits and Sensory Breaks

  • Take a phone call outside; get fresh air; use the bathroom for a reset; reassure yourself: "I am safe, I’m an adult, I choose my identity."

2. Boundary-Setting and Maintenance

• Set, Communicate, Hold Boundaries

  • Setting is easier than holding—expect repeated testing.
  • "Old me would have said yes, by the way. Old me would have went, okay. And then I would have had resentment...Instead, I said no, and I was feeling like a rock star." [25:00]

• Compassionate Boundary-Holding

  • Respond empathetically but firmly when boundaries are tested.
  • "Setting the boundary isn’t the hard part. It’s challenging. Holding the boundary is the hard part." [25:40]

3. Aftercare Rituals [23:55]

• Healthy Decompression
  • Take baths, use Epsom salts and essential oils, listen to spa music.
  • Avoid unhealthy dopamine sources (alcohol, sugar, social media).
  • "Quiet warmth, decompression. It stabilizes your nervous system after you have been triggered." [24:18]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Family Triggers:
  "Your family of origin can be one of the most powerful triggers of mis wired neural circuits. So if you’re feeling that it’s because it’s actually happening, but you can overcome it." – Dr. Trish Leigh [14:00]

• On Regression:
  "Your adult self can be overridden by your child self if your adult self identity isn’t strong enough." [09:18]

• On Self-Awareness:
  "Look for what dysregulates you. You’re going to become aware of it, you’re going to increase your self awareness. This will help you. Then you name it." [24:45]

• On Boundary-Setting:
  "Become aware. Set the boundary that makes you feel good. You’re an adult now. You choose where you sleep. You choose when you come and go. And you can do it compassionately and empathetically. And then you gotta hold that boundary, even when it’s tested anywhere between two and a hundred times." – Dr. Trish Leigh [28:00]

• Sibling Comparison:
  Dr. Leigh recounts how her sister was triggered and spiraling after a family visit, while Dr. Leigh was calm and centered—proof of the value of her self-regulation techniques. [29:40]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–03:00 — Introduction: Why going home feels dysregulating
• 03:37–09:00 — Old neural patterns and identity regression
• 10:45–14:30 — The miswiring of the brain and emotional memories
• 19:41–24:00 — Pre-regulation and in-the-moment strategies
• 25:00–28:30 — Boundary setting, maintenance, and real-life examples
• 29:40–31:00 — Sibling comparison and celebrating self-regulation wins

Actionable Takeaways

• Be proactive: Prepare your brain and nervous system for emotional triggers before entering family environments.
• Set and maintain clear, compassionate boundaries, especially when tested.
• Use breaks and aftercare rituals to stay regulated—avoid quick dopamine fixes.
• Celebrate small wins in self-regulation, acknowledging your progress.
• If you continue to struggle with old family patterns, consider brain mapping and professional guidance.

Closing Note:
Dr. Leigh wraps up with a reminder that your family of origin may be your most powerful trigger, but it’s also your greatest opportunity for growth. “Control your brain or it’ll control you.” [31:00]