A (0:00)

There's a trend happening right now. Fewer people are having sex. And most explanations, they sound like this. Dating is harder, people are more anxious. Relationships, they are more complicated. But that is not the real reason. The real reason is happening in your brain. This video is brought to you by my HarperCollins published book, Mind Over Explicit Matter. If you're ready to quit porn and reclaim your life mentally and physically, go over to doctor.com book. So here's the hijack. Your brain doesn't actually know the difference between real connection and simulated connection. So when you're watching sexual content, the same networks activate as during real intimacy. So from a brain's perspective, something already happened. So your brain starts doing something subtle. You think about it, maybe texting her, or maybe making a move, starting the conversation, actually being present. And there's a moment where you could. But then something else shows up. I'll do it later. I'm tired. Not tonight. And. And almost without thinking, you reach for your phone because there's something easier. No pressure, no risk, no chance of getting it wrong. And in that moment, it doesn't feel like you're making the wrong choice. It just feels like you're choosing easier. It's just easier not to. It's like standing in front of a stairs and. And an escalator. You know, the stairs are better for you, but the escalator, it's right there. It's easier. And the more you repeat that, the more your brain starts choosing the escalator for you. So here's a client of mine, let's call him Michael. He's young. His brain is in the strain brain and drain brain pattern from years of pornography use. He's had one partner in his life and he is interested. But it feels like a lot of work to get out there. He doesn't want to be rejected. This is happening to millions of people all over the world. And it's not because they don't want connection. Most people do. But over time, something starts to change. Not in what you want, but in what your brain expects. When the need is met artificially, your brain stops pushing you toward the real thing. It starts to. To settle. Lowering the drive, lowering the urgency, lowering the natural pull to connect with another human being. That, my friend, is the hijacker. Not in the moment of choice, but in the pattern that follows. It reshapes what feels necessary. So it's not that you decided not to try. It's that your brain stopped asking you to. And that's when the drive to pursue connection starts to Fade. There's a word for what happens next. Sedation. After high stimulation, your brain doesn't just feel satisfied, it feels downshifted. Dopamine drops, prolactin rises, the system slows. And in that state, energy goes down, motivation goes down, and drive goes down too. Not temporarily, but predictably. And when the brain repeats that pattern over and over, your brain adapts to it. So instead of returning to baseline, that lower state starts to become your baseline. There's actually data behind this that supports it. Researchers like Debra so have been calling attention to a growing trend. Fewer people, especially younger adults, are having sex. Real life sex. In her work, she points to the role of technology, porn, and digital substitutes and reshaping how people meet their needs. And the data supports it. Right now, about one in three young men report no sexual activity with a partner in the past year. And that number has been rising. So this isn't just about dating being harder or people being more anxious. It's not just a cultural shift. On the surface, something deeper is happening. Because when you look at it through a neuroscience lens, what you start to see is that this isn't just a drop in behavior. It's a shift in what the brain, people's brains, are being trained to pursue, pursue. You're not driven, you're not seeking, you're not moving forward. Your brain is designed to seek, to pursue, engage, and connect. That drive comes from a healthy balance between beta and alpha brain activity. But when that system gets replaced, something shifts. Seeking turns into scrolling. Instead of activating it in a focused, purposeful way, your brain starts slow cycling, spiking high beta, then dropping into low alpha, strain and then drain. So instead of building something, you consume something. And over time, your brain adapts to that pattern, making it harder to convert energy into real action or connection. This is the part that people don't see. If your brain doesn't need to pursue, it stops. It stops building anything real. Because connection isn't automatic. It's built through effort, attention, and through showing up consistently. And when that part goes, nothing replaces it. But I want you to know this isn't permanent, because your brain is always adapting. If it is a learned pattern, then guess what, you can unlearn it and you can actually see the shift happen. On one side, the system is dysregulated. Spikes, crashes in a lowered baseline. That's what overstimulation does. It suppresses sensitivity. But when the input changes, when stimulation goes down, the pattern starts to shift. The spikes calm, the crashes soften, and the system begins to stabilize. And what you're seeing isn't something new, it's something restored. Sensitivity comes back online. Drive comes back online. And over time, your brain recalibrates upward. You're not rebuilding from scratch, you're recovering what was suppressed. And this is where neurofeedback changes everything. Because awareness is not enough for most people, you can understand the pattern and still feel stuck in it. Neurofeedback actually trains your brain out of that state. It works by showing your brain its own activity in real time and reinforcing more regulated patterns. So instead of staying in those spikes and deep crashes, your brain starts to stabilize. You can see on the graph that here the, the purple line is coming down and evening out. You can see that high beta is reducing and alpha is coming back online. The system is learning how to stay regulated instead of cycling. And when that happens, something more important shifts. You don't have to force connection anymore. Real intimacy starts to feel different. It's not flat and it's not forced. It's not something you have to think your way into. The reward system reconnects to real world experiences instead of artificial ones. So it's not just that the pattern breaks, it's that the brain relearns how to experience connection in a real way. And this is what we actually see on brain maps. As that shift happens, the high beta activity, the strain state, it starts to come down. Alpha begins to come back online, which supports calm, stable regulation. And instead of chaotic spikes and drops, the brain becomes more balanced and consistent. You're not bouncing between over stimulation and depletion anymore. The system stabilizes. And that's where things start to feel different. Not just mentally, but in how you engage, how you focus, and how you connect. If you want to start shifting this, the most effective place to begin isn't the behavior, it's your input. Because the pattern doesn't start with what you do. It starts with what your brain is exposed to all day long. So for the next seven days, you're going to do this very intentionally. When you're scrolling, pay attention to what hooks you. Not just what you watch, but what makes you pause, what makes you look a second time, what starts to pull your attention deeper. And the moment you notice that, don't engage with it. Hold the video tap. Not interested. Mute the account, Skip it immediately. Don't let your brain complete the loop, then actively replace it. So search for something that builds you training skills, business, fitness, learning, motivation. Real world goals, not passive content. Something that requires focus. Because what you're doing here isn't just cleaning up your feed. You're retraining your brain on what to respond to. You're teaching it. And this is where things start to feel different in a real tangible way. When your brain is rewired, you. You don't have to force desire anymore. It's not something you have to think your way into or perform. Your brain literally becomes responsive again. Attraction isn't flat, it's present. You feel it. And more importantly, you can stay with it. Instead of needing constant stimulation or novelty. Your system responds to real deep, true connection. Eye contact holds, touch feels engaging again. You're not distracted, you're not checking out. You're actually there. And that changes everything. Because sex stops being something you chase or compensate for. And instead it starts becoming something that happens naturally for you. An experience when your brain is regulated. If you want to understand your brain and bring your drive back online, please, please go over to drtrishleigh.com because this isn't about sex. It's actually about self control. So I want you to remember, control your brain. Or in fact it will control you. I'll see you next time.