← Dream Life Club
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Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Dream Life Club podcast. My name is Sumi and if you don't know me, I built and sold a 200 person company in D.C. and then moved across the country to follow my childhood dream of being a pop music artist here in la. I know something about what it takes to build a dream. And today I want to talk to you about one of the main myths that I think people believe when going for their dream. I think people look at success like climbing a mountain and believe that once we get to the top of the mountain, we will be successful, we will be happy. We will have proven to ourselves, to our families, to our haters, to our people from high school who are criticizing us, that we are capable and that we can in fact achieve what we say we want to do. And so we get so singularly focused and I see this happening in the creative community around me so much like so singularly focused on achieving what they've set out to do that unintentionally, we forget the most important part. And what is that most important part? That most important part is building community, is building people relationships, is collaborating. And I want to give you guys an example of what happened to me recently that illustrates, illustrates this so clearly. And like, I couldn't do what I'm doing now. I moved here and I think I tried for many years. Well, I suffer from imposter syndrome. I didn't think I was good enough, so I was afraid to put myself in situations with other people for fear that they judge me. Right. So it was easier for me to sit by myself in my apartment and like work on songs and write things and post on social media than it was to go out in the real world in the wild and play at an open mic, go to a writer's round, book a show, play with friends, go to a backyard concert, right? Like, it was so much easier for me to hide because of that like insecurity and imposter syndrome that I was facing at the time. And so I want to talk to you guys today about like, really what we need to do. Because even if we feel like hiding is getting us somewhere, like, meaning like posting on social media and we can do it without being out in the wild, we won't end up being fulfilled at the end of the day. And I think I have enough experience now in life being an entrepreneur for the past 20 years that I can like that I can own this and claim this and know that it's true that the three keys to building a Successful career and especially successful creative career. Come down to three Cs that I want to share with you guys. Collaboration, community and craft. Really, those are the only three things you ever need to focus on to build a successful career as a creative. So I, I want to paint this story for you. I, three years ago released my first single and did a music video. Ended up not being happy with it at all because why I didn't invest in community or collaboration to get that done. I paid a hefty fee to get a big name director who found out later if you hire a big name director for a project and you're not a big name yourself, they couldn't give two shits about doing a good job or following up on the project they did for you, right? They're collecting a paycheck and moving on. I hired a big name director. I spent so much money investing in who I thought were going to make my project so good and instead of doing it from the ground up, where I and this has been a common theme across our podcast network, across, like Amber Grimes has shared in the previous episode, that's her key. That was one of her major keys to success, right? Similarly, when you're coming up as an artist, collaboration that means networking across. That means working with people that are at your level, right? Like your peers that are at the same level growing together. That is the key. That is collaboration at its finest. And that is how community, like a snowball, builds and rolls down the hill and becomes a huge impact in the world. So that was my first music video that I did. And I remember, like, you know, I put so much money into it and at the end of the day, wasn't happy about it, wasn't even really sure I wanted to keep it on YouTube. In fact, I ended up taking it down completely because I felt so cringe to see it up there. And I just wasn't proud of the work that I had created. And fast forward now, three years later and I'm doing a music video. We're recording it this weekend for American Dream. And the process looks so different. So there are so many people involved in this music video who I have met organically, who I naturally connected with, who I was excited to collaborate, who are excited to collaborate with me. And it almost happened. It literally happened like one person. And then, you know, so first it was like me and Heather and we were working together and then we went out and we met Carlos and Carlos I met through going to Coachella and then Carlos and Heather and I were out on Abbot Kinney in Venice. And we met Aaron, who's this artist. His artist name is Heel Boy. And then the four of us went and we met my friend Robbie, who put together an artist whisperer session where we met Lexi. And then I was here collaborating at the recording club and I met Steven. And now all of these people are now part of my music video team that we're accomplishing this weekend for a far less budget than I invested in my first music video. And these people are now invested in my project. They're excited about it. They've been on the journey all along. We've co created something together. Why? And how? Because I became unafraid to put myself out there and finally be in the wild with people. Right? Like, that's what it takes, you guys. Like, I have been realizing more and more and more and more that even if you get to the top of the mountain, but you've done it by yourself. And you look around and no one's around to celebrate with you. To feel like a shared sense of accomplishment. What is the point? Like, there is no point in doing something like that. And I am more and more of the belief that, you know, like, the loneliest, ugliest people in the world oftentimes are the ones with the most money because they disconnect themselves from others. They think that they, you know, there is research to prove that, like, you know, billionaires basically become so disconnected from reality that they lose a sense of empathy. They lose what it means to be human. Empathy is what it means to be human, to be able to connect to another soul and to put yourself in other people's position and to feel for others and to. That is what it means to be human, right? That connection, the ability to feel something outside of yourself. And, you know, believe it or not, like, research has said that when you become a billionaire, you actually, like, lose your sense of empathy. And so it's kind of like, why would anybody. Why should. Like, that shouldn't be something that any of us are striving for. And now, not to say there aren't some like Tom Steyer, who was running for governor in California. I believe that he's a billionaire who's using his money, resources, access, power, influence for good. And I, in fact, want to work with him on some stuff coming up. And so, you know, it really is. Money in general is an amplifier of who you are at your core, right? But it also can corrupt. It also can. Can really make things messy and unclear. And if you surround yourself with people all along, the way, that is one of the best protections against the nasty, the ugly side of success. And I've just been thinking about that and realizing that so much more recently, like, this video is so much more fun that I'm doing it with all my friends. They're literally. And, you know, we say that a lot in la, like, la, the community is very competitive. And Nashville, it's very collaborative. And in Nashville, it's like, there's nothing more fun than making music with friends. And really, in Nashville, you know, people take that, in my opinion, and sit with it and let that mantra kind of, like, take their edge for growth off a little bit. In my experience, no hate to Nashville and my friends in Nashville, I love you dearly. I also just think that, like, it depends on your personality. Like, for me, I want to revel in community. I want to make music with my friends, make art with my friends. And I think that that is, like, the. The peak experience. And I want to grow. I want to push myself. I want to see how much impact I can have with my art. For me, that's part of the game, right? That is my entrepreneurial brain, like, kicking in. For me, I don't want to just sit around in my backyard or sit around a lake with a guitar. Like, I want to have a goal that I'm gonna sell out Red Rocks, I'm gonna play Madison Square Garden. Like, those goals keep. Keep me excited, like, keep me going. And so I want to balance that and say, like, there's. So there's nothing wrong with having those big goals, right? But building it with community along the way. Like, imagine if you're selling out Red Rocks or playing Madison Square Garden, and you have hundreds and hundreds of people who've been part of your project and have grown with you and have come up with you. Like, that's peak. That's peak life experience, right? Like, to me, that's the dream. And that only became clear to me super recently. I wouldn't have been able to tell you this before. So collaboration, community, and craft. So as you're building community, how can you collaborate with people? For example, you know, I was talking about writing a campaign anthem for Nithya Raman here, who is running for mayor of la, and instead of just taking it on myself, I'm thinking, okay, who can I collaborate? What other writers and producers can I collaborate with to make this a cultural moment so it's not just me working so hard on my own and then, like, pitching it and hoping she accepts my anthem and plays it at her Rallies. No, I don't want to go. That. That sounds so hollow. What if we got together and made it a cultural moment? Then of course, if it's an amazing song, lots of people are involved, it innately is something that will attract her. So it's almost always like that collaboration aspect of building a creative career is what attracts people to you in the first place. And so it takes all the work, it takes like half the work of marketing off, right? It's like you're so much further ahead because you're increasing exponentially because more and more people are involved in your project. So you know, it's like that, that idea of like every one person that, that virality formula, like when, like when Covid was, was. Was viral unfortunately, right? It was like if, if you spread it to one person that was like at the point of no return, like we, we, we like lost control of virus of like if, if every person spread it to one person. And like think about that in a creative career, like if you have like, you know, just one more person involved in your project, that's one more person spreading the word of your thing like that, that grows exponentially, then. So I think that's what's so exciting about like community and, and, and collaboration. And it's not just about, you know, it's not just about like having a circle of friends, right? It's about having creative collaborators. And it's also not just about host, you know, being in community as in like hosting an event, you know, or something like that. It's about actively bringing people into your creative pursuits because it makes it more fun and it makes it more powerful and more impactful. At the end of the day, success isn't possible without people because the success that you attain by yourself isn't success. Self made is a myth. Anybody who's ever achieved anything has done it with people. And I think that that's such an underemphasized concept in society. We always talk about like, you know, we always talk about the hard work and the discipline. And while all of that is true, and that is the third C. It's craft, right? Like we as creatives have to take the time alone to like work on our craft, right? I have to take the time, I'm learning piano. I have to take the time if I want to get better, to practice, right? If I want to be an amazing vocalist, to work on my craft as a vocalist and to continue improving in those areas. And that is not what's going to like get you anywhere out in the world at the end of the day. And it's, it's taken me a while to realize this and that's why I wanted to make this podcast today. Because I think if we can reframe all of our pursuits in this way, if we can also reframe our pursuits in terms of impact and not money, I think we will get a lot further too. And that's why I think it's actually a really smart idea as a creative to have another source of income in the beginning so that our focus can be on impact and our focus can be on collaboration. Through that collaboration and through that focus on impact, we will at the end of the day end up making money with our creative pursuit. But if we focus on money, I swear it's gonna pull and steal all the joy out of our creative career. It's going to make us so stressed out, anxious, worried and like a shell of ourselves. And like that is no place to create from. That is no place to create from. So I am a huge fan of having another stream of income. Working on your creative career as your passion, developing your friend group around that creative career, collaborating with those people, making that be your community life becomes so much more streamlined and easy. And it's hard too, especially as like a multi passionate person. And if you're listening multi passionate, multi talented people on this, you know, who are here in this community, I know it, it's hard because we have so many different communities that we would like to plug into. But we do have to make the choice because we can't actually be involved with everything. And I think that if we want this creative pursuit to go somewhere, if we actually say we want to build our dream life around this creative pursuit, we have to make sacrifices. And in my opinion one of those sacrifices we have to make is we have to sadly be really realistic with how much time we have in a day to entertain other communities, to entertain other hobbies, to entertain other friend groups or dinners or coffee catch ups. And we have to be strict and precious about our time because it is so precious and our energy is so precious too. And you know, as I'm here in LA building one of the things that like I have the music video shoot this Sunday and Monday and then I have my debut on Late Night on Make It a Good Night on Wednesday night we're recording and I'm so super excited about that. And on Tuesday I had more podcast episodes, I had a couple networking calls, I had a voice lesson and I had practice with my band. And I'm like, hold on, that is like way too much after a two day music video shoot to go straight into all of that the next day and then to have my late night debut on Wednesday. Like, I could just feel myself getting anxious, overwhelmed again, right? And so I'm like, hang on, I need to change something. I need to be precious about my time and energy. And so I cleared my calendar for Tuesday and I said, you know what? No, the only thing I want to do that day, everything else will be there, right? It's not life or death. Everything else will be there. But the only thing I want to do that day is practice and decompress from the music video shoot. Because also we need space for creative inspiration. Decompress from the music video shoot, practice with my band, mentally prepare so that I can do my best on Wednesday. And those kinds of things are where we need to be focusing. And so those are the kind of sacrifices, I mean, right? Not saying yes to every social invitation, even though we're trying to build community, is it in alignment? Right? Because if we have another job to bring in our income and then if we're building community and collaboration around our creative pursuit, there's not a lot of extra time or energy. There's really not. And then especially if you, if you have a family, right, like there, you're really, really precious around your boundaries, around that. Because those are the people that are most important to invest into. So those are my thoughts for today. I think if anything, take away from this episode, that you don't want to be going it alone if you are in the boat like I was in like three years ago, like stuck trying to do everything myself because I was too afraid to put myself into community. Nip in the bud. Nothing will change if you don't challenge yourself to go meet real people in real life. And I also just think it's so important right now with AI Music, right? With AI Everything. And we're all stuck behind our screens. Like, the more we can be with real people in the wild, the more our lives will change, like faster than anything. And that's not to say that like social media doesn't provide great opportunities for us to get to the wild, right? Like, I use social media right now as a way to access people and groups and connections that I wouldn't know about if I just started walking around my block, right? That's like, you don't walk around your block to find out about those things. You, you go on social media first and then you find out about opportunities to go in the Wild. So think about it like that. And like, for example, today I also act when I'm inspired on an impulse to connect. I think that's so important and it has been a game changer for me. And my dad told me this like 15 years ago and I didn't really understand it at the time. I remember like this was a, this was like Derek Sivers when, when long time ago when Derek Sivers still had like CD baby. And dad said to me, I said, oh did. I said, Derek sold CD baby for like for nothing and donated all the profits to a charity. And I was like, that's so inspiring. And I got an email from Derek, you know, and he said like, reply back and I'll read and reply to all emails. Derek Siffers is such an interesting guy if you guys don't know him. And I was telling my dad this story as if like I wanted to reply back but I hadn't yet. And dad goes, sumi, when you have those impulses, like act on them right away, like do it now. And another one of my voice teachers has this acronym, DIN D I N Do it now. So it's like act on it right away. Well, what did I do? You know, as my young 20 year old self, of course I did not act on it. And I never ended up emailing Derek Sivers. Right? And now it's a completely different world for me. Like if I get an impulse or an inspiration to act on something, connect with somebody, send them a note right away. This morning I was scrolling and I saw this film director who's Oscar winning, Emmy nominated and he's doing a lot of social impact work, cares about a lot of the same causes that I care about. And I immediately just sent him a dm cold dm. I said, hey, it would be great to connect. I love your work. I think maybe, you know, this is my background. Maybe we could use some of my music in your films. Maybe I could write something specifically for what you're working on now. Are you open to a coffee or a zoom? He wrote back right away, sure, let's do it. So now we've got that coming up. Also another artist. I was so inspired by her style and her music as I was scrolling, totally cold, I didn't know who she was and I sent her a DM right away responded, let's connect. We have a coffee on the calendar. These are the ways we get out in the wild when we feel like we don't have any opportunities or don't know people yet, right? Like we have to create it from scratch and. And then allow yourself to let one connection lead to another. And don't forget to keep showing up for people. Keep following up with people. It's not just like a one coffee and then what? Right then for most of us, we go to an event, meet a bunch of people, forget to follow up and everything dies right there. It was kind of like a ways that we went to that event to begin with. We could have been cozy at home, getting more sleep or working out. So if we're gonna put ourselves out there, we gotta remember the follow up, right? The fortune is in the follow up. And I hate that phrase because it's like the fortune sounds like, like it's all. It's all wealth based, but it's true. Like the fortune in all aspects. Like the reward is in the follow up. And let's build the community with fun, right? Like people, at the end of the day, I think we all just want community. We all want connection, we all want to be doing cool stuff with cool people. So know that you're a cool person and that people want to be doing cool stuff with you and keep putting yourselves out there. That is my wish for you today. I am so happy that you're here with me and I'll see you guys next week. Love to you.