← Dream Life Club
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Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Dream Life Club podcast where we share insights and inspiration for creatives and entrepreneurs chasing a dream. This is Sumi and if you don't know me, I built a 200 person company in D.C. and then decided to leave all that behind to follow my dream of being a pop music artist in la. And today I want to talk to you about talking yourself into the life you want. It's going to be an informal episode, but I think there's so much not, I think I know there is so much power in the words that we use and what we tell ourselves. In fact, I was just listening to Jay Henriques who wrote the book Aristotle's Guide to Self Persuasion. Aristotle's Guide to Self Persuasion, which became a huge top selling book that talks uses old principles of Aristotle's philosophy of rhetoric, which is the art of persuasion really. And honestly. When rhetoric, the concept of rhetoric was first developed, it was a way to solve disagreements and conflict without devolving into violence. And the power of words, the power of delivery, the power of how we say what we say and when we say it is what Aristotle talks so much about. And then Jay Henricks wrote a whole book on how to leverage that thought theory and those principles of rhetoric to self persuasion to basically talk yourself into achieving the life that you want or building any dream that you have. And when I was listening to him, I was listening to him on, on another podcast, he was a guest. And so I haven't read the book, but I want to get it because his story itself that he illustrates his principles of self persuasion through is so motivating. But I was thinking to myself the whole time how I have basically used same or similar types of ideas and principles to enable me to make this massive life change and to build the dream that I'm currently living. You know, taking myself from actually both dreams that I've built, building a company from when I was 19 years old, building and growing that and what I had to constantly talk to myself and tell myself to keep going and combat doubt, combat self doubt, combat imposter syndrome, combat fear, combat lack of initiative, feeling like I wasn't good enough, smart enough, old enough, experienced enough to do what I was doing. And all of the things that I was constantly doing intrinsically, like I didn't think about it. Cause I didn't have time to think about it at the time. I was like, I was really like thrown in. I feel like I was thrown into the deep end with that company. But I figured it out, right? And like I Want everybody to know that, like sometimes that is actually in alignment with Henrique's whole theory too, where he uses this concept of having to develop a hyperbole for yourself. Hyperbole inch comes from the ancient word, Greek word hyperbolus, if I remember correctly. And no, sorry, hyperbole is, is the, is the ancient Greek verb that it comes from, which means to throw beyond, to exceed. And he talks about creating a hyperbole for yourself that is in such alignment with what your soul actually wants to do. It's something far beyond the you today is capable of doing. So it's like when I was 19, did I think I was going to be able to run a company with 200 people under me? Like, no, that is mind blowing. I still can't believe that I did that. But it was, you know, but I did it through all of these methods of first believing that it was possible, putting a huge goal out there. And then his key is that goal has to be so aligned with your soul and not something that you have to be forcing or pushing through. Otherwise you're not gonna be able to be consistent with the daily habits necessary to be successful. Or if you are, you're gonna be so burnt out and like hate your life at the end of it that it won't be worth it. For Jay Henrix, this hyperbole was being able to climb run up this mountain, Mount Musa Lock, in fewer minutes than his age in years. So he was 58 when he did it and he ended up climbing it in 54 minutes. And he didn't, he didn't consider himself an athlete. He was, he basically so many people who had done this and doctors and experts told him it was practically impossible. Like it's not even something that he should aim for. They were saying that, you know, once you're like for anyone above 40 years old, it's pretty much impossible to do. Like don't even try it. But he was so committed to it because it was something that he'd wanted to prove to himself his whole life that he was an athlete. He was never considered one, but somewhere he's, he believes his soul knew that he was and is an athlete. And so that was the motivation for him to get up every day at 4am and start doing these practices that enabled him to finally achieve that. For me, I know that when I moved to LA and sort of started my artistic journey, taking being a singer, songwriter, recording artist, performing artist as my full time thing, it was so scary. But I feel very similar. Like when I heard him Say this on the podcast, that he, somewhere in him, knew that he had this potential. No one else could see it. Everyone else was like, jay, you're not an athlete. You've never been an athlete. Why are you trying something so stupid? You have a bad hip. He had a bad hip on top of it. And he's like. And no one else could see it except for him. Something in him knew that this was possible for him. And whatever it is that you like, I know that if you're listening to this right now, you are thinking something in your mind right now that is your thing. Somewhere in you, the deepest, highest part of you knows that you're actually capable of something that most people don't see for you, or maybe nobody sees for you except for you. And if you. When and if you share it with anyone, people kind of. They don't support you. They tell you, they try to talk you out of it. They think you're crazy. They don't understand why you would want to do something like that. If you feel that. What Jay's saying, and I believe too, is that means that is what you're supposed to do. That is what you're actually supposed to do, and no one else is supposed to understand it. It's your vision. It's your vision because it's yours. Right? Like. Like. Like you are the molecule in this equation. Like, you are the one with this to add to the world. Whatever you believe, whatever is, like, pinging you, whatever it feels like your soul knows is true for you. For me, right now, like, my whole life, like, even though I was never considered an athlete really, I had tried to work out, tried to stay fit, would go to various, like, boot camps, various fitness classes, you know, tried to go for runs, was constantly, like, constantly wanting to be fit and look good and feel strong. But, you know, for example, the idea of being able to do a pull up was just something that wasn't even, like, ever in the realm of possibility for me. I think some people are. I don't know, they. They do sports from a very young age and they're trained to think that, yeah, they, you know, understand that if they train hard, they can do a pull up. For me, that was never the case. I mean, I could. I couldn't even hang from the bar for more than probably like two seconds, and I could not do even a push up. And so when I moved to la, something in me just said, you know, I've wanted to do this my whole life. Like, what if I just really committed to it? And I started training for. I started going CrossFit five days a week and then started training calisthenics pure, like body weight, strength stuff separately in addition, for an hour a week, four times a week, in addition to the CrossFit that I was doing. And within six months I could do a kipping pull up. And then within a year I could do a pull up, which that sustained effort for that long amount of time was actually like, was shows how weak I was to begin with because I was putting in so much work to finally do one pull up basically after one year of that effort that I just described, right? But if someone, you know, like, if my mom saw me trying all of this time and putting in so much work and not getting better, she'd be like, you're just not cut out for this. Just why are you even putting yourself through this hell? Like, just stop, right? But I wanted to do it so bad. And for me at the time, that was my hyperbole. It was like I wanted to do a pull up. Like the amount of self, like that fulfillment that I felt, even though I worked my ass off for it, right? And sacrificed other things. The time that it takes that I was putting in. Right. Was definitely like sacrificing other things I could have been doing during that time. But it was so worth it to me that I knew that I would be so happy on the other end. And now in retrospect, this was like now like three, four years ago. I'm so happy I took the time to do that, you know, and now it's just onward from here. But what my hyperbole now is and all of the self talk is the whole point of this episode. I told you it was going to be a little bit roundabout and informal, but I wanted to share these concepts because I think when we hear stories from other people, it matters so much more than just like hearing another framework or quote unquote formula to follow for success. Because honestly, there is no freaking formula, right? And it's like we have what it takes inside of each one of us to, to actually live and create our dreams. I do believe that we really can do anything. I mean, when we think about things that people have achieved in the world, like, I bet you no matter what it is that your dream is that you're trying to create in the world, like, first of all, someone's done it before. Probably many, many, many people have done it before. Probably thousands of people have done it. It's nothing that is like really that big at the end of the day. Like, I don't. I want to know what your dream is, by the way. Like, please send me a DM exosumex on all platforms. Tell me what your dream is, what, what your hyperbole is. Like, what it is that you're trying to create in this world. And also, like, like there are people like Nelson Mandela in the world, there are people like Gandhi in the world, there are people like Martin Luther King, there are people like Lincoln who have done such like, unfathomable things that I would venture to say that whatever your dream is is not as big as the dream that they created. So if, like. So we have to also understand that while it's massive for us, we also have to put it in perspective and use the fact that like, people have done much harder, bigger things to not let that scare us. You know, like, my hyperbole right now is to sell out Madison Square Garden. To imagine myself performing at stage stadiums with fans who are knowing every line to my songs and singing along and that moment of impact is like what really gives me goosebumps. Just thinking that that could be possible. And while it might sound crazy to somebody who knows me right now, because I'm not at that level of platform building, I don't have the exposure or that many people who know about my music or like my music yet. Right. I also can see on the other hand that like, well, thousands of artists have done that and continue to do that. Like, if they can do it, why not me? And that's the exact attitude we have to have. Right. Because. And at the end of the day, I'm a firmly believer. And this becomes, comes from the fact that my dad brought us up in a very like Buddhist tradition. Well, it's a Hindu tradition too. It's this, it's. But it's, you know, there's so many different ways to practice Hinduism and some, some philosophies, some practices, some, some families practice Hinduism in a much more Buddhist type of way. Hinduism is such a broad, wide ranging religion. But the principle that like you focus on your effort. We have to do everything that we can do every single day to make sure that we're putting in our best effort at, at every moment. Right. And do not focus on the results. Do not focus on the results. We know what result we're aiming for because we need to have a goal, we need to have a target. But then what do we do? We don't think about that. We don't. We almost, we put that out there and then we leave it Be. And we focus on what we're doing every day. For me right now, for example, like, the biggest pain in my neck, figuratively speaking, is my growing my social media, right? Like, I feel so frustrated by the that. And yet. And, and, and you know, sometimes I'm like, well, I've tried everything. Like, I've done everything. Like, I don't, I don't know how, like, some people pop off and like, why am I not, you know, like, like beating myself up over it, not even beating myself up over it. Just getting really discouraged. But then I have to remember, no, Sumi, like, you didn't do everything you could do today to grow your social media, did you? Like, every day is a new day. Like, what, what metrics are we measuring our success by every day and every week? And make those really clear. Write those down. Write down what metrics you're measuring for your effort, right? Which is such a Buddhist, such a Hindu way of operating in the world. And then let the results be. Forget about them, because we really don't have control over the results. We have control only about our effort. And I really think that's such a beautiful way to operate. So one of the things involving our effort is our self talk, right? Our behavior changes so much depending on what we tell ourselves. And Aristotle talks about this too. And what's his name, Jay Hendricks, refers to this when he talks about how he created his self talk practices for his, like, you know, for his climb up the mountain. He would have phrases. He would have phrases for himself that were like, said in a poetic, like, rhythmic cadence that he called that. He references Aristotle calling peons. And, and this idea of creating a peon for yourself is something that you tell yourself, like an affirmation that is something that you don't actually even believe yet. And I was, when I was listening to him talk, you know, he started, he started sharing this idea of a peon. And he said, you know, the idea of affirmations is pretty. Is pretty. Sounds pretty like, cheesy these days. And I was thinking to myself, yeah, like, the idea of affirmations gets so much. It's like, it's like been on so much by mostly like, I know, like these like, bro podcasters somehow. And I was thinking, and I have believed all along that what are they talking about? There's so much power in affirmations and in creating narratives for yourself that are helpful for where you want to go and telling yourself stories about yourself and the goal that you're trying to achieve that will help you get There it's like, we really do get to program our mind on what to believe and how to think. So why in the world wouldn't we intentionally feed it thoughts and phrases and peons that help us do what we really want to do? Why would we let it go on auto control and just, like, go off into negativity or fear, right? Like, that's what our minds will do if we don't, like, feed it intentionally. And so Jay talks about, like, adapting phrases like, my legs love rocks, I flow up rocks. Things he didn't believe, but he would say them out loud repeatedly, even if, and especially when it was embarrassing. He said when people were around, he would say, my legs love rocks, I flow up rocks. Like, while he's like, slowly climbing up this mountain. When he would get up early at 4am, my body loves waking up early. My body loves waking up early. And he would create things that sounded like, rhythmically pleasing to him too. And that's what he shared was like, the secret to the peon. And like, if you look at any, like, advertising motto, you can't. You can't eat. Just, you can't just. You can't eat just one. You can't eat just one. Or even like, song lyrics, like, things need to sound good to our ears, right? And we'll remember them and we'll want to think of them. They'll pop into our heads, like, so it's really important that you create for yourself various, like, memorable mantras or peons or whatever you want to call them that help you when you're struggling that are, like, go to phrases that you say to yourself either, like, routinely, like, as soon as you wake up or when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning when you're getting ready. I started this thing, you know, I started this thing, like, looking when I didn't feel like I was very attractive. And I was really like, I would, you know, be like, nitpicking myself every morning about the way I looked. And then I. I started like, just stopping that completely and doing the exact opposite because I knew that I wanted to go around with a positive self image, right? So much of how we. Our energy and how we carry ourselves and how people see us is how we see ourselves. And I wanted to take better care of myself. And I wanted to believe that I was beautiful and attractive and anything that I wanted to believe, but I didn't believe yet. I would tell myself. I would tell myself literally every morning in the mirror, in my journal, repeated when I'm in A situation where I'm feeling self conscious. Like instead of repeating the self conscious thoughts, I would replace those self conscious thoughts with thoughts that were the opposite and that reinforced a belief I wanted to have about myself, but did not yet. And so I really want to emphasize this. I want you to create at least two or three mantras that sound pleasing to your ear that help reinforce a belief that you'll need to have in order to achieve your big dream. Like, seriously think about it. Do you have these right now? And actually, as I'm saying it out loud, I was like, I think I need new ones for this big dream. Like I used to have ones. Like I'm extremely talented as an artist. Like I would remember things from my past or I would like, you know, stack evidence of how the different things, like how I played trumpet my whole life, but then like didn't get into the college band, but walked on auditioned and got into the college jazz vocal group as the only non music major in that group. And so like, there are little like things that I remember to try to stack up my confidence. I'm like, yep, that's true. That actually happened. Okay, Believe that you're a capable singer. Believe that you can do this. You know, I would and but what I'm realizing right now as I'm saying this out loud is that I don't have my two or three mantras that are going to help me believe that I can play a stadium like Madison Square Garden in the next, I don't know, three to five years. Like, how do I build this though? What do I need to tell myself to believe that that's possible? And for me right now comes much more around like platform building and the marketing aspect of things and getting my music out there. Like, I need to come up with those for myself right now. So I want you guys to do this. I want you guys to write down at the top of your Take a blank page out or notes app and write down your big vision, your hyperbole, right? The, the goal that seems like it's kind of impossible, right, but that you feel is really true for you and your soul. And then write down at least two or three mantras that are pleasing to the ear that you need to believe about yourself, who you are, what you're capable of in order to actually achieve that thing and then carry them around with you. Replace any negative self talk with these every time it comes up. And I'm actually so excited to do this for myself, for my own hyperbole, my own big goal and let's do this together and let's all support each other to actually building our dreams. Because it's so possible. It's so possible. It's all almost boring in an eye roll to think that it's not possible. I truly believe in you and I truly believe in us as a community. So please, if this episode meant anything to you, if you're inspired, if you're motivated, if you're a little bit more on fire, if you have a little bit more confidence, please, it would mean the world to me if you shared this with somebody that you know. Share it on your Instagram story. Text this episode to someone or write a review or comment. It really does help. It helps me keep making episodes and to continue to get the level of guests that I'm so excited to bring to you coming up and that we've started to have on the POD recently. So with that, I will see you guys on Friday with another guest episode and talk to you next week on Tuesday for a solo. In the meantime, go have an amazing week. Believe in yourself, because I sure do. Okay. Lots of love. Bye.