← Dream Life Club
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Hello. Hello, everyone. All right. I am back with another episode of Dream Life Club, or Creating in Chaos or whatever the F we're calling it these days. I haven't officially rebranded yet, but I plan to. I just also think that sometimes, you know, those of us with ADHD might relate to this. We can get so caught up in things like, oh, brand new shiny object idea of, like, rebrand. Let me rename my podcast when like you, it doesn't actually matter. Like, the important part is doing this episode and sharing this with you guys and being a place of support for other artists and creatives and writers and thinkers and activists and everyone who wants to do something big in the world and make an impact, right? And that's what we're here for. That's what we've always been here for, whether it's been in terms of building a business or pursuing your dream, or actually figuring out how to keep making art during times of chaos, which we're in right now because we evolve with the world. Because anyone who doesn't, like, like, what are you doing? Like, the people who are still out there just marketing their supplement company in, like, times like this. And I'm like, that's great. But like, also, can you say something about the world around you? Like, there's a, there's an element of community that's lost these days, right? And like, everybody's talking about it, starting from the loneliness epidemic, right? Because people are so focused individually on their little projects that were disconnected from the macro picture, and I think that's actually really unhealthy. So today I wanted to just connect with you guys and share something that. Because, okay, two promises from this, right? Like, we are a community of people who are committed to continuing to do our art no matter what, in chaos. We need art more than ever. We need beauty, we need art. We need love. We need it for so many reasons, many of which have to do with our own personal ability to then actually make impact in the world and create the more beautiful world that we want to see, but also so that we're less easily manipulated, like legit. If we're burnt out, stressed and doom scrolling all the time, we're a lot easier to manipulate and control and feel frozen in fear than actually empowered to go do something positive in the world. And we need all of us right now to be able to have the energy to do the most positive things. So I am really passionate about, you know, paying attention, figuring out what we're going to do, and then moving on and creating art and Doing. Doing something that is meaningful and beautiful for the world. Okay, so today I have a really special thing that I wanted to share with you guys, and that is I joined a. A very prestigious, I'll say, public speaking training program with the public speaking professor, I guess, coach, mentor Richard Greene. And yesterday was our first class. It's for about four hours every Tuesday night for six weeks. And so it's a little intense and there's homework and things to do between each session. And the reason why I signed up for a public speaking course is when. Well, one, of course, I'm a speaker, right? And I actually think that I would like to get a lot better at it. I think that I'm a competent speaker, but I definitely don't think that I'm an exceptional speaker. Right. And I think anything that we do in life, it's cool to want to grow in that skill and become better. So this podcast, for example, I speak on this podcast all the time and I want to become better at it. So I took this course and I wanted to share with you guys because it's a small, very expensive course you have to apply an interview to get into, and it's in person. And there were about, I think, 12 of us there last night. And I think that it's going to offer a lot of growth for everyone in the course and me personally, and I want to be able to impart some of that to you guys because I think communicating and being a powerful communicator is probably one of the most important skills we can have in life as a whole. And so I hope this episode feels valuable to everyone listening, no matter who you are. Okay? So I want to kind of share a little bit about my main takeaways and hoping they help you too. So. Okay. Richard made us rate ourselves on three areas. One, if you were given the assignment to. If I said to you right now, okay, if you're listening to this podcast, it means that in exactly five minutes from now, you have to go next door to the auditorium. There's about 250 people sitting in the audience and you have to be prepared to give a 20 minute talk to them about something that. That you already know about, something that you are already comfortable with and that you're authentically passionate about. So, okay, if I said that you had about five to 10 minutes to prepare and then you could go in there and give a 20 minute talk, how would you rate your level of fear on a scale of 0 to 10? 10 is a total panic and 1 is, oh, easy Breezy, that beautiful feeling that you have after a 90 minute massage. Okay, how would you rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 there? So the first factor we're rating is fear. The second factor we're rating is ability to engage the room. So if you were up there for 20 minutes, maybe you could say, okay, all my fears at like a five. But like, do I feel confident that I'd actually be able to engage every single one of those people in the room for the entirety of that 20 minute talk? Or do I feel like people would be checking their phones, yawning, wondering how long this was going to go on for? On a, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 meaning every single person is super engaged the whole fucking time, and one meaning that people are ready to leave immediately and falling asleep and literally like looking around like, who is this bozo? Okay. So we then had to rate ourselves on that level. And then the third thing, and this one was really interesting because even this scale illuminates something. Rate yourself on how much fun you would have giving that talk on something, by the way, that you're authentically passionate about. Okay, how much fun will you have on a scale of 1 to 10? And what was really interesting for me was I was about a fear level for engagement level. I mean, I think I do decently. Well, maybe not every single person in the room is going to be glued rude to me the whole time. So I gave myself like maybe a six. But fun, I gave myself like a three because it's something that I want to do. But in the moment that I'm doing it, because I do have, in general, I have like performance anxiety. Even when I'm up on stage singing, even when I'm, when I'm doing anything on a stage, like, I have that feeling that I've learned to live with and deal with so, so much in my whole life, right? But it's the fast beating heart and the shaking. My body literally shakes. I shake. And that's not a very comfortable feeling. And so the level of fun, right, because I have to work against those physical reactions. So I'm not in the moment actually having a lot of fun. So when Richard said that, like, you know, you're doing it right if you're having fun, I was like, okay, I have something to learn from this course. So I'm so excited to like fill you guys in on how this six week go, six weeks go. I don't know if I'm going to be giving you a week by week update, but Regardless, it'll be fun to see the progress. So I want you to ask yourself the same question that those three skills that I just explained to you guys. I would love for you to write down your own scores or at least hold them in your head. Okay? And if you're not having fun doing something like that, then you know you have a lot. It's actually, like, really great. Like, if your scores are not high, then that's great, right? Because hopefully by this end of this, this podcast episode alone, you'll have a few more ideas on how to make yourself at least improve a little bit on each one of those scales. So here we go. So the first thing is the 7% rule. Well, it's not really called that, but I'm gonna call it that. So interesting to note that, and we've all probably heard this, that it's not really what you say, it's how you say it, right? Like, if I say, hey, I love you. Love you, Love you. See you later. Bye. Right. Okay. That's one thing versus if I look into your eye and I say I love you, that's a whole nother experience. Same words. Love ya, love you, love you. Okay, if I'm, like, leaning away, different tone, looking away, really different than I love you. So Richard gave us a few of those examples. Your tone of voice and your body language matter significantly more than the words we say. And according to a lot of research out there, apparently the actual words, in terms of communicating our message, the actual words only matter. 7%, 38% has to do with our tone of voice. Do you see how I'm changing my inflection? 38% of our message has to do with our tone of voice. And then 55% of how our message lands on someone has to do with our body language. So 55% plus 38% leaves only 7% having to do with the words. So as much as we see, you know, all this advice on storytelling and even in songwriting, it's like people spend so much time thinking about the words and the lyrics of the music, when ultimately that's only 7% of how it lands. It's crazy. It's crazy. I still think words are very important. And as a person of integrity and as a people of integrity in this community, words matter a lot. And we want to be as clear as possible with our words. But just to keep in mind, 38% has to do with your tone, and 55% has to do with your body language. Like, that is astonishing to me. I knew that word I knew that body language and tone mattered more, but I didn't think it was only 7%. Honestly, that was new to me last night. So that's something to keep in mind figuring out how when a lot of us feel like we get in our heads when we're speaking and we think maybe this isn't interesting. So in order to spare the listener on the other side, I'm going to speed up or not emphasize this or just kind of like not say this too passionately because what if it's really boring? So it's all this self doubt that actually makes us almost intentionally sometimes be less engaging because we are kind of prophylactically managing the other person's expectations. We're apologizing for our own words before we even say them, by saying them in a less aggressive tone or a less intense tone or a less meaningful tone or a less passionate tone. So, I mean, I realize I do that all the time, right? Like if I'm worried something isn't coming across right, I actually play it down by maybe saying it more monotone or saying it faster or not putting passion into it when I actually should be doing the exact opposite. If I am worried that the words I am saying aren't exactly right, what do I do to make up for that? I work with the levers of tone and body language to make it land better. It's mind blowing. It's mind blowing, right, that we do the opposite. So I think if you only take this one thing away from this entire podcast episode today, like, that is a win. That is a little win for today. Go with that. Go forth and practice with that in all of your communications today. And then like comment and let me know, like how that lands for you. Like, you know how you're playing with this. Because I'm really, do. I really do want to hear from you guys. Like, this podcast has had its ups and downs. We are going for it now. And I want to get to know you. I want to get to know you as listeners and really, really have this be a two way conversation, not just me staring at a camera in my studio alone. So, okay, so that was the one thing. That was the first thing, the 7:38:55 rule. Okay. The second thing I wanted to say was, so then like we all went up there last night and we all kind of gave our own opening. Nothing was prepared, but he just asked us why we, why we're here and why we joined this course and we had to get up and come to the front of the room. And share. And I took away a number of things from my experience doing that, because I don't. Because I consider myself like a pretty practiced speaker. I'm not a beginner, but what was happening to me, One thing that I really did not notice that I was doing is I crossed my legs, meaning as I'm standing across my legs. And immediately I was told that that lessened my impact. It made me seem meek. It came across as not as confident. And actually, I didn't even realize that after Richard pointed it out to me, and I uncrossed my legs and I kept on talking, and then I kept doing it because it's one of those unconscious things. Other people had similar patterns that they would do similar body movements that they would do and were completely unaware of. For example, well, this one girl did it in a really funny way in which she was pacing and walking around the semicircle that we were in. And when she was walking, she wouldn't just walk naturally. She would cross her legs as she was walking. So it was kind of like looking like this, like, awkward, like, dance that she was doing. And it was actually like, quite distracting, but she had no idea she was doing it. Other people had their hands behind their backs and would, like, kind of go from side to side. Okay. Like, shift their weight from one leg to the other and stuff like that. Whereas the confident position is to stand in the middle, Both of your legs should be equally receiving the weight of your body. Stand squarely in the middle, and your power area is between your two shoulders. And so if you're talking to people, you don't want to be talking to them on an angle. You want to be facing people in your power area and facing another person in your power area. Okay? So, like, those were all the little body language cues that we were talking about. So that's another thing that you can play with. If you take one thing away from that, the body language section, because I can't see you and tell you anything in particular is the equal weight. And, oh, yeah, another thing that Richard said was that if you have your hands in your pocket or behind your back or just clasped in front of you, he goes, it's like buying a brand new Mercedes without a steering wheel. He's like, these hands, be more Italian. Use your hands more. And these hands offer so much, much opportunity to emphasize your point, to land your position, to increase people's attention spans. Okay? So use your hands. So then let's move on to the third point. And this one is such a mental frame, it's such a mental frame and a mental shift when we go up there. Typically, if you go in front of the room and are asked to give a talk, you think of yourself as, okay, you're in performance mode, right? Like, I. As a. As a singer, songwriter, artist, performer, I often say that I'm a. I'm a performer. And Richard was like, stop. Stop thinking of yourself as a performer. You want to be. Not giving a speech, not giving a talk, not. Not. Not performing a song, but you want to be having a conversation with the audience. Okay, hang on real quick. I just wanna make sure that this has been recording. Yeah, we're good. Wouldn't it be sad if I'm talking for this whole time and have to redo the episode so it's not a performance, it's a conversation? And he was talking about, like, our nervous systems not being built to talk to many people. Like in the old school public speaking training, right, they would tell you to, like, look out on top of everybody's heads. Like, you know, pick a spot on the wall to focus on and just, like, look out as you're talking. Don't look at people in particular. And he's like, that's actually the worst piece of advice ever. Because we were built to connect with people one on one. Actually looking someone in the eye gives both people an exchange of oxytocin, the bonding chemical. So when you're giving a talk or giving a speech or giving a presentation or giving a performance, if you instead think of it as you're having a conversation with one person and then the next and then someone else and then the other person over there. It's a conversation between you and all these people. It's just a conversation. Everything changes. First of all, your nerves literally relax and reduce because you're not in that flight or fight. I hope they like me, otherwise they're gonna be kicked out of the tribe kind of response that we often get on stage, you're just having a conversation, and you get an oxytocin release because you're making eye contact with people. So that also was like, yes, yes, yes, yes. Like, I totally felt that, right? And nobody wants to be talked at. Nobody wants to be sung at. We want to be having an experience together with other people, right? And so it was so good just to be reinforced. These things that I know, I've heard and kind of intellectually know, right? But it was still really good to be able to be in a room last night and have these ideas reinforced. And, you know, because when I Went up there, and he said, so what. What are your nerves like? And I said, I don't know. Every time I perform, like, every time I perform, I have nerves, and every time I perform, they're probably at like a 6 out of 10. And he said, but do you have fun while you're. While you're singing at least? And I said, sometimes, if I let myself drop in. But often I'm so concerned about the audience, and I'm in performance mode, right? And so for me, remembering to be in conversation mode with, like, you're giving. Okay? And then the other thing he said, and I think this was one thing that I want to read, so I don't get it wrong. Yeah. Is that okay? Giving a talk on stage is actually nothing more than having a conversation from the heart. A conversation from the heart, not the head. While sharing something about something that you're authentically passionate about. That authentic passion piece has to be there. If you're not authentically passionate about it, why even go give this talk? Like, make sure that we're authentically passionate about it as a gift to someone else, okay? And he did this other example where he was like, so to this one girl who said she was so nervous, and, you know, her heart beats out of her chest and she can't handle the nerves. And he said, well, would you be nervous if you had to come up here and just give everybody in this circle $100 bill? And she said, no. And he said, well, why not? And she said, well, because I would be giving them something that is valuable. It's worth a hundred dollars. And he's like, so if you don't think that what you have to offer when you're talking on stage is worth that at least a hundred dollars to everybody, don't talk. Think of your talk or your presentation or your share or your song and as giving that gift to everybody in the audience, right? And be confident in the value that you're offering to them. And so that was such a great reframe, too. It's like, it's a conversation. Three main points on that one. It's a conversation, not a speech, right? It's a conversation, not a performance. On something that you're authentically passionate about. Be authentically passionate. If you're authentically passionate about something, it's so easy. It's so easy to share. We don't have to think. We don't have to conjure up certain movements. We don't have to think, oh, you know, stand straight, do this with my hands. Do this with my body language, like no, it just comes across naturally because we're authentically passionate about it as a gift to the person in the audience. So really recognize, spend some time recognizing the value in what you have to say and what you have to share and how that's going to enhance the listeners lives. Right. And really sit with that and recognize that as a gift. So those were sort of some of the takeaways from last night and I think that's most of what I wanted to share. So I hope that you guys really got a lot of this episode because I think it's really important to consider communicating as one of the most important things that we can do. Especially in times of chaos. We have to take our voices seriously. We can't let the uninformed, the buffoons, the narcissists and the sociopaths be the good communicators in the world. And that's why it's so important to me. Because good people need these skills and good people are often the last ones to pay attention to these skills because we're always sort of so busy doing things for other people, whether it be our families or friends or overworking to support people we love or whatever it is. Right. And so I think it's just so important that as a community of good, good hearted people that we take really seriously the, our ability to communicate so that we can have more influence in this world and so that ultimately good can win. That's all I got. Love you guys and I'll see you soon.