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Art, poetry, music, beauty, Love is what makes life worth living. And if that's what's knocking at my soul, why not go do it? And so I want to give you guys permission if you have a creative calling or if you just have a non traditional path or something that you've been wanting to do that's been knocking at your soul and you're not taking it seriously. Let this be the moment that I know that you're in my head and I know. Hi. Hi friends. Welcome to episode four of the Dream Life with Sumi podcast. I'm so excited that you're here back with me today. Hopefully you've been following along and are ready to get your mind blown today. Let's see if I can meet that high bar. This podcast is for you. If you are a high achieving woman who's super successful on the outside, but on the inside, you know that there's something more for you. If you don't know me by now. My name is Sumi and I was in that boat. I spent most of my life building a tech company in DC. We grew it to $20 million in revenue and my earring just fell off. But I'm gonna keep going cause we roll with the punches around here. We grew that company to multiple eight figures. How to team full time employees of 200 people. We were serving some of the most mission critical programs from the US Federal government. And on the outside you would think I would feel like a success, but on the inside, I just knew that I was in the wrong place. I was never able to feel fully happy or fully content. And I had a calling on my heart to be a singer, to be a performer, to be a recording artist. So after a decade of building that company, I made the really hard decision to change everything, move to LA and follow my dream of being a recording artist. And that's what I'm doing today. I have never been happier, never been more fulfilled. And I am on a mission and so excited about inspiring, mentoring and coaching other women who feel like there's something more for them. So if that's you, keep listening. I got my master's at the Harvard Kennedy School. And this was at the point in my life where I had been growing the company for about a decade. I was in dc, so I'm heavy in politics and policy and how all these things deeply shape and affect the country and the world. So I got really curious about actually spending more of my time inside policy making and politics. I had set up a management team who was running my company that allowed me to take this year long. It was an executive master's, it was a year long program and I thought that this is what I wanted to do. The funny thing was I actually, before I joined the program in August, I went to Nashville for the summer and I spent what was supposed to be two days there because I believe I had just packed for the weekend. I ended up making my two day trip into a two month long trip. And I just loved being in a city where there was music, where people were full time musicians and that was a viable career. Back in dc, if you tell anybody that you're a full time musician, everybody's confused. Like, how do you make a living? Is the question. Like, oh, what do you mean? Like, what do you really do for work? But in Nashville, full time singer songwriters, full time musicians, full time people in the music industry and it's just accepted, it's normal, like of course full time writers, like that's such a thing there. And I just was so invigorated by that energy. I remember that I thought, well, you know what, Like, I don't have to rush back to dc. I could stay here and actually produce my ep, which is like a mini record, like a three to five song album that I've wanted to produce for so long. And I was at a voice lesson I had. My voice teacher had introduced me to a producer and I'm like, maybe I should just stay and before I go to Harvard, get this record out of me. And that's what I did. I had the most magical experience that summer. Everything lined up. I posted on Facebook and a friend said she had an Airbnb that was available and I stayed there and I was the most beautiful neighborhood and I just had the best time recording my songs and working with the producer. And he called me an artist for the first time and I was like, oh my God, that feels so good. Like I'm an artist. And I, I remember just having these moments in time where I'm like a lot of little of these hints that like, this is an identity that you really want to adopt and I wasn't there yet at all. So I go off to Harvard thinking I'm going to explore a career in politics or policy, right? I had just come off of this high from Nashville and I walk into the doors at Harvard and the sign I see on the wall, it says, harvard, you belong, you belong. And I'm like, why are these signs everywhere that just say you belong? And they were everywhere. And then I realized that they put those Signs up on purpose because everyone that comes to Harvard has imposter syndrome, feels like they're not good enough, that everybody else is smarter than them, that how did I get in? That feeling is apparently so prevalent that the administration decides to put up signs everywhere that says, you belong here. You belong here. It was really interesting to me because I was like, I definitely faced those feelings of imposter syndrome beforehand. I definitely felt like I'm not smart enough. Why am I here? I definitely had those feelings, but it was really interesting to see that I wasn't the only one. So I'm now thinking, well, what did that teach me about my career now as a pop music artist? And I'm like, I have those same thoughts now. I often feel like I'm not good enough. Can I really do this? Can I break out? And the truth is, yeah, I belong. I belong here as an artist. And you belong, you belong in whatever it is that you want to do. Don't forget that everybody feels that feeling of not thinking that we're good enough or ready or smart enough or talented enough or strong enough or whatever it is that you're feeling right now. And just remember those signs that were on the Harvard walls. You belong. You trying to tell the smartest of the smartest bunch, right? Supposedly in that field that all were facing that same feeling. So that's one thing that I always try to remember and take to my music career now, to not let myself fall prey to those self destructive thoughts or feelings of imposter syndrome or not being good enough. The second thing that I thought I would share is a very, very interesting thing that happened to me. And it's, it's still something that I'm working on. We had a leadership class there. It's a very famous class actually. There's no professor leading the class, no guidance onto how this class is supposed to run. There's rumors about what this class is, right? So everybody's really eager to take this class because seems like this big mystery and it's very unique and supposedly everyone has an amazing experience in it and learns so much about themselves as a leader. And so I walk into this class and I'm like really spirited person, right? And I, I feel like I had a lot of experience to that I was bringing into that classroom and I wanted to get the most out of it. And so I. When you're in a classroom of 50, 60 people and there's no guidance from a professor at the front of the room, what happens? Well, you notice that little factions start to form little cliques start to form. People start to decide we should do this or we should do and try to raise initiatives and lead the group in a certain direction. And then there's all the people who disagree and the people who argue and the people who try to sabotage. And there's all of the factions that you can imagine that happen in real life. They happen in this, like, microcosm in the classroom. And it's fascinating. And so here's my big takeaway. I walk in and the first day, and this was all set up like this on purpose. Okay? There was a limit on the number of people who get into this class. And the administration told us that, well, if you didn't make it into this class, you're not going to get in because there's a limit to the number of seats we have in this classroom. A couple of us looked around and said, but there's a bigger classroom available in the hall across the way. Can we just move to that classroom? That way all of our friends who wanted to take this class but didn't get in could be in it. And a lot of us thought that that was a very viable solution. And we were really confused. Remember, this was like, first day or two of class. We didn't know that all of this is part of the experience. And so I raised the initiative, and I was like, I think we should move class. And the professor's standing in front of the room, he's just not saying anything. And I was putting forward this initiative for us to tell the administration that we needed to move rooms. And, like, that would solve the problem. And I. To me, I'm like, there's such an obvious solution. Why don't we just do it? And there were a couple people who were, like, in my quote unquote faction who agreed with me. And then there were a couple of my friends in the class, too. And I remember that they did not agree with me. They thought it was stupid that I'm spending the time talking about moving classrooms. Like, let's get into the class. The administration already decided what room it was going to be held in. Like, let's actually do the work that we're here to do. And they very much disagreed with me. And then a couple other factions who had a different idea and thought that it was better for a smaller class and like, this shouldn't be. They didn't. They actively did not want the more people in the class and, like, all this stuff, right? So there were all these factions popping up and people with different viewpoints trying to navigate decision making process when there's no protocol and there's no leader appointed. So all of this was part of the experience. The main thing that I want to share about this is that there was a concept taught in this class called being assassinated. Now don't take that literally. It was just a word that meant when you try to put something forward and people try to take you down and people either cut at the idea or cut at you, or just act like they don't approve or whatever it is and how does that affect you as a human? And I remember that people disagreed with me and my friends disagreed with me. And after class I felt like people were rolling their eyes at me and not talking to me. And that really affected me to the point where I didn't actually lead any other initiative for the whole rest of the semester. I participated, but I didn't take it upon myself to lead another initiative or be strong willed about anything else. And at the end of the semester, my professor and the TA sat down with everybody and kind of debriefs on how it went. And the one thing they told me was my ta, I remember this, she said to me, sui, you were so engaged the first week you tried to lead the initiative that you thought was best and people assassinated you. You never recovered from that. You didn't try to lead another thing the whole rest of the semester. What happened to you? She was like, I was waiting. She was like, I was waiting for you to do something else the whole rest of the time and you never did. And I heard her and I'm like, holy, you're right. I didn't realize that sound like it was a conscious thing. It was very unconscious. And I was like, I let the fear of people's opinion of me take me down. And I want you to hear that. So many of us don't do the thing we really want to do, or we don't share our art, or we don't speak our truth, or we don't hold our boundaries, or we don't communicate clearly with people or speak up for what we really want. Because we are living in fear of being assassinated, of not being liked, of not being approved of, of being taken down in some way. And so I try to think about that all the time. Now when I'm putting something out there on social media, when I'm releasing a new song, when I'm shooting a music video, when I'm in a writing session, anything that I do, I'm like, I don't want to repeat the same mistake twice, right? It's a hard one, but it is so powerful if we can really get that. We live by our values and our principles. We don't live by other people's approvals or for other people's validation. We live by our values and by our principles, and we do what we think is right and people react how they react, and that's none of our business. So that is the second thing that Harvard taught me about being a popular music artist is that don't let the fear of getting assassinated. And if you're not watching me on YouTube, I keep putting quotes around that word because I don't want anyone to take me literally. Don't let that stop you from doing your thing, no matter what your thing is. Okay? So I hope that you hear that because that is so powerful. Okay, the third thing that I want to share, I'm in a total of four things today. The third thing that I want to share. Oh, yeah, you go into Harvard and you think that everyone is so smart and that all your insecurities come up. And my firm takeaway from that one year experience is that no one is special, but everybody is special. And actually, Marianne Williamson, if any of you guys know her, follow her. She has. She said that. She has said that a lot in her teachings over the years. I've heard that from her. And it just really hit me. We're all here, we're all doing our best. We're all trying. No one is special, but everybody is special in some way, right? Everybody had a reason that they're there. We all have a unique thing that we offer, but nobody is better than anybody else. And if we can stop thinking that either we are better than everybody or that someone else or everybody else is better than us, like, neither of those thoughts are helpful or true. We're all special and no one is special. And that just evens the playing field. And that's just like how it is. So remember that. And then the fourth thing is that, oh, yeah, this is. This is huge. Okay, so Harvard is in Cambridge, Massachusetts. And what is also in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is the Berkeley School of Music. I go off to Harvard thinking that, well, you know, maybe I want to spend my time in a career in government policy, politics, but meanwhile, all I want to do is go down the street to Berkeley College of Music and take guitar lessons, take songwriting lessons, learn more, deeper music theory. And every time I would see one of those tear off papers, like, posted up on a tree or a poster, a cardboard thing, and see, like, oh, Teaching lessons or come drop in at this course or whatever. It was so tempting for me. And it's so funny because I think that was one of the wake up calls for me. I spent years exploring what I really wanted to do. You know, when I summarize my life story for an introduction to a podcast or something, it's gotta be like succinct. But the truth is I spent like 10 years trying to figure out all while I was building that company. I was also in my mind, like, but what do I really want to do in life? It's been like my existential question up until two years ago when I decided to commit to music. And everything has been clear since then. But before then it was like, oh, maybe I want to be an actor. Maybe I want to be a sports journalist or work for CNN or run a gym or just be a life coach, then go into politics. Obviously I was at school for it. Like, it was a real consideration. When I kept noticing myself daydreaming first of all of my summer in Nashville before I started the program, and then looking down the street wishing I was over there at Berkeley, it was like, simi, maybe there's some information here for you. Maybe you should take this little knocking at your heart that's been happening your whole life that's been saying, you want to be in music, maybe you should take that seriously. And I think just giving myself that permission to do that was something that I never thought I could do. I didn't think it was a serious dream. And the cool thing about my life story when I look back is like, well, it was a serious thing. And why did I have all of these rules around what was serious and what wasn't? I don't even get that now. You know, like art, music, beauty, poetry, all of these things. Like that Robin Williams quote in Dead Poet Society. I believe that's what makes life worth living. Law, business, engineering, we all need those things to keep the world going. But art, poetry, music, beauty, love is what makes life worth living. And if that's what's knocking at my soul, why not go do it? And so I want to give you guys permission. If you have a creative calling or if you just have a non traditional path or something that you've been wanting to do that's been knocking at your soul and you're not taking it seriously, Let this be the moment that you start to question that and you start to ask yourself, why am I not taking this seriously? There's nothing that says you couldn't be just as Good. As somebody else who's doing it. I. Oh, my gosh. On social media next week, and I should cut this short now, but I am sharing a before and after video that shows how I found this on my phone. It was when I first started, after I graduated. Spoiler alert. I ended up deciding not after a year of doing work in politics, I decided to make that 180 pivot and go pursue music. And when I first started that path, I didn't really have the talent at singing that I thought I had. I worked on my voice for a really long time, and when I look at how I was back then in 2019, there was a little clip of me singing a song, and then I. I was like, I can't believe that's what I sounded like. I thought I was decent. I was not. But years later, after putting in the work and putting in the reps and practicing and taking it seriously, I can actually sing. And so it's not even like you need the existing talent, just like everything in life. Like, on my last episode, I was talking about taking feedback as proof that you can grow and get better. You can get better at the skill that's required for your dream. Don't think that you have to have everything already or you could never do it. That's just not true. You get better. We all get better if we focus on things. And we gotta remember that. I think at some point in adulthood, we forget that we can still learn new things. That's ridiculous, right? Kids are not the only humans who can learn things. We can, too. And that's what makes life more fun, more juicy, more delicious. When we actually experience all the growth and all the highs and the lows that come along with that, that's when we're experiencing life. If we're just stuck in the same rut, doing the same thing over and over again, that's like the definition of a mediocre, boring life that'll suck us dry. But if we keep learning and keep growing and keep discovering new things about ourselves and about what we can do, that's what keeps life juicy and that. That's what keeps life fun, and that's what keeps us young and alive. So that's what I want for you guys. And I hope this episode was helpful as you think about what it is that you really want to do in life and how these things that I talked about here apply to you. Okay, I would love to hear from you on Instagram. Tag me at XO sue me. X X O S U M I X. And tell me, what was your takeaway from this episode of these four Things? Like what did of any hit you? I would love to hear. Until next time. I know that you're in my head and I know all the things they said.