B (3:01)

Well, you know, it's funny because whenever I tell my last name to my students in college, there will always be boy students that go, it's a blessing here too.

A (3:09)

Ah. I mean, but you're hot too, so I couldn't even imagine you being a teacher. Like, that would be wild.

B (3:14)

I get hit on.

A (3:15)

I was gonna say you have to get hit on all day long for. And then what do you. What would you teach? You weren't teaching sex, were you?

B (3:21)

I do, yeah. I teach human sexuality in college. Oh, my.

A (3:25)

Okay, so let's. We gotta start. Let's start from the beginning here. So how does somebody get into this type of line of work? I mean, like, did you just. Were you like suppressed in childhood and this was kind of like your way of making up for being suppressed? Or did you just wake up one day and was like, you know what? I want to be like?

B (3:42)

Dr. Ruth, are you a therapist? Because that's accurate.

A (3:46)

Well, I mean, listen, I talk about sex all the time because I grew up in a really religious home. So I think my way of kind of like taking my power back as being a child was to be able to express how I want to and to be like out there, you know? So I'm only assuming that, yeah, that might be what happened with you.

B (4:04)

That was a big part that contributed to me pursuing this career. I'm originally from Thailand, from Bangkok. And for those that don't really know Thai culture from like the local perspective, it's very, very conservative. I think movies, like Hollywood movies, like Hangover, right. Makes it look like Thailand's super sexual. But that's only for foreigners, right? It's like for tourism. But for us people that grow up there, it's very sexually conservative.

A (4:33)

Isn't that kind of like, like just a weird conundrum that.

B (4:38)

Yeah, it is.

A (4:39)

Like, you guys are so strict, but yet to the tourists it's such a sexual.

B (4:42)

Yeah, because it's a big gdp, we make a lot of money from foreigners coming here to fuck. So yeah, we'll make it okay. But yeah, not, not for us, not for, for Thai people. So growing up in that environment. And then also I went to an all girls Catholic school.

A (4:58)

Oh my goodness.

B (4:59)

So all of, all of those combined. And also, like never had any sort of sex education. Parents never talked about sex. They were the people that like, close my eyes when there's like some sort of sex scene in the movies.

A (5:10)

So as somebody who grew up with parents who didn't talk about sex, how did you discover sex? Did you have to figure it out on your own?

B (5:17)

So like most teenagers, porn, and that's.

A (5:21)

Such a. I feel like. And coming from the industry, the adult industry that I was in, I truly feel like porn is now it's getting better. But back in the day, it used to be so glamorous and like, it's just not realistic.

B (5:34)

No.

A (5:34)

You know, so the expectations that children are. I don't even want to say children, but when you're of that age to sort of.

B (5:40)

Oh, I was a child when I found my first porn.

A (5:42)

Really? How old were you?

B (5:43)

And it was fingering porn. So I love getting fingered ever since then. I was maybe 11.

A (5:50)

Okay, gotcha.

B (5:51)

Yeah. And I mean, statistically, research shows that people like kids nowadays actually find pornographic materials around that age too.

A (6:00)

I know.

B (6:01)

So when I tell parents, like, you should start talking to your kids about sex at around 10. They're like, 10?

A (6:06)

Yeah.

B (6:07)

There's children, they're so young. I'm like, they're not. They have smartphones or if they don't, their friends do.

A (6:12)

Yeah.

B (6:13)

They will run into something. Like, it's better to just be open with your children. So they talk to you.

A (6:18)

Yes.

B (6:19)

You're the person they come to.

A (6:20)

Absolutely. And I, I didn't realize that until our daughter, who's 17 now, when she would come home and ask us, you look 17. Oh, I appreciate you so much. When she would come home from like middle school and tell me like some of the stuff that the kids were talking about, I was like, and I don't clutch my pearls, but I was just like, oh my God, you're only like 10 or 11. Like, this is crazy. How are you guys learning this stuff? How would you suggest that parents even start that conversation with their kids?

B (6:46)

Yeah. 100% start young. So even when they were young, kids use the right, like don't use made up terms. Because what that insinuate to children is they should be ashamed of their sexuality and their body parts. I love that people won't say vagina or vulva. They will just say, well, your flower, like, don't touch your flower heart. I'm like, it's not a flower, it's a vagina. It's a medical term.

A (7:13)

It looks like a grenade went off in a deli counter.

B (7:16)

All right, I don't know about yours.

A (7:18)

But I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

B (7:20)

Maybe an orchid.

A (7:22)

Mine might be a flower compared to that.

B (7:26)

But yeah, like, I would highly suggest never using euphemisms with children because that does send a subconscious signal that children will process later in life that give them sexual anxiety that like, that their body is dirty, that their genital is dirty. So just use medical terms. There's nothing to be ashamed of to say vagina.

A (7:47)

Are we allowed? Do you think the P word is a little bit much?

B (7:50)

Pussy? Yeah, I mean, I would use the word with my children, but that's my prerogative.

A (7:55)

Gotcha.

B (7:56)

But yeah, I think I. I mean, the word is a slang. Okay, Right, Gotcha. So it depends.

A (8:00)

Always use medical terms.

B (8:02)

Yeah. Ever since they're children, like, even if they're five and they're touching themselves, because children are very curious, right? And they don't know what things mean. It's adults that assign these like, bad meanings. So if they're just like touching themselves, like, mommy, like, what's this? And you know why I don't have that? That's dangling. Just say like, well, you have a vagina, he has a penis.

A (8:23)

Right.

B (8:23)

And they are different. And you know, just use medical terms with children. But when they get to 10 years old, I think 10 is the golden age of actually having a sex talk.

A (8:33)

How would you even begin that? Like, you wait till they bring it up to you. Or do you just sit them down one day and say, hey, look, we're about to learn about the birds and the bees.

B (8:42)

So you sit them down, but you don't say the birds and the bees.

A (8:45)

Okay?

B (8:45)

Because that's euphemisms.

A (8:47)

Gotcha.

B (8:48)

You just sit them down and say, hey, this is nothing serious, but I would love to know, like, any of your friends at school are talking about sex yet you want to ask a question first? You never want to just tell them what to do. It never works. We have so much research that tells us that telling kids what to do just doesn't work. Yeah. Especially when it comes to exploring sexually. So what you want to do is create space. And how do you create space? What you do right now? Ask questions. So your 10 year old or your 12 year old like asking, so have you been hearing people talking about sex at school or your friends or do you know anything about sex? Like, let me know, tell me, let's talk about it. Right? It's okay. Like, just Say it's okay, let's talk about it. I mean I have sex like you know, and one day you'll have sex. So let's talk about it. So ask them the question and then they'll start telling you a little bit and then sort of be inquisitive and ask them more questions and then from there it's easier.

A (9:47)

So I definitely want to circle back to your story, but I just have one more question to add on to this. When? How soon? Okay, so what if your child is like 14, 15 and they want to start exploring having sex? Do you still have that same open minded conversation with them?

B (10:03)

Yes, 100%. Like I said, you want to be the person they always come to. But what to learn from anywhere else.

A (10:11)

Right, exactly. Yes. And I understand that. But what if like you are just like, like, you know, if you want to like tell them to wait or like, you know, wait till you fall in love or is there a right time to tell a child when they can and can't have sex even if.

B (10:24)

You say you can't? They will if they want to.

A (10:27)

Right.

B (10:28)

And what you don't want to happen is them hiding you. Hiding from you.

A (10:32)

Right.

B (10:33)

Because the worst thing that happens is when kids feel too ashamed to talk to their parents is the saddest thing because they then have to go talk to someone else and sometimes they find a comfortable person to talk to online and that could be some creepy dude.

A (10:48)

Yeah. You know, in living in his mom's basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

B (10:52)

Try to like be the comfort person that accepts her. Like, you don't want that.

A (10:56)

Yeah.

B (10:56)

You want her to come to you. Yeah. So yeah. Always be open minded. And if she's like, yeah, I don't know, like my boyfriend and I have been together six months and we're thinking about it just like listen, you know, whatever you want to do, you have the power to choose and I support you.

A (11:10)

Yeah.

B (11:10)

But remember you, here are the qualifications of good sex. Like, one, he must respect you. Do you feel respected most of the time or all the time? Because you should. And if there are times where you feel like, I don't know, he's kind of weird about that, then don't, don't have sex with him yet because you need to be respected at all times. And then two, like, do you think he will focus on your pleasure? Because remember, especially for girls, for young girls, like your pleasure means more. Right, Right. Don't just, you're not there for just him. Right. Don't just let him take over and you know he comes, he's done right? Like no, no.

A (11:49)

I love that. I love teaching young women to have the boundaries and luckily our daughter is so open with me about everything that she does that makes me happy. But in the beginning when she first came to me about sex, you know, like especially because of the the lifestyle that I was in, I just wanted to shield her so much from it because I just know how bad it if you get real deep into it. But then I also had to remember that her life isn't the one that I lived. So Right. Quint really does have all the staples covered and a lot of their stuff has become everyday go tos for me. I've been wearing their gym wear non stop. It's comfortable, flattering and actually holds up even after a ton of washes. I've also picked up bath sets and home pieces like their comforters and sheet sets and they seriously make everything feel more luxe without being over the top. The quality is really noticeable. The fabrics feel feel good. They're well made and they last for travel. Their luggage has been a favorite. It's durable, sleek and has held up great on trips, which is always a win. You can tell Quint pays attention to the details, the stitching, the fit, the materials. Everything feels thoughtfully made. And like everything from Quint, it's made with premium materials in ethical trusted factories, but priced way lower than what most luxury brands charge. It's just solid, high quality stuff you actually use and keep using. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com bunny for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's q-u I n c e.com b u n N I E to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.combunny well, the holidays have come and gone once again. But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift. Well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. You get it now. You call it an early present for next year.

C (13:47)

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A (13:49)

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B (13:52)

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A (14:00)

Per month when network is busy see terms. Yeah, yeah, totally. So circling back, you grew up in an all. You grew up in a strict home Went to an all girl Catholic school. Take from there.

B (14:11)

Oh, well. So then I got the opportunity to go to a high school in Finland. So it was the very first time to branch out of my like environment in Thailand with like all the Asian girls to a co ed school with like girls and boys. And also in Europe where they don't care too much about nudity or genital or, you know, they don't sexualize things because being naked is fine. Yeah.

A (14:37)

Don't they have all the nudist beaches out there and stuff?

B (14:38)

They do. And they also have saunas where they go in naked. Yeah. Like they don't wear bathing suit. They actually don't allow bathing suits. Really? They go into saunas naked and everybody.

A (14:48)

Out there is so beautiful and they don't care.

B (14:50)

Yeah, yeah, they don't care. What I really love is they practice body neutrality. So it's not body positivity where you're like, oh, love your body, you're so beautiful. Right. Like they don't care about that. They're just like, listen, my body works. Yeah. You know, my body is effective.

A (15:06)

I've never heard that. I've never heard that before. Body neutral neutrality.

B (15:10)

Body neutrality. Like I love my body because it works.

A (15:13)

Right?

B (15:14)

Yeah. And you don't have to, you know, beautify it or.

A (15:17)

Yeah, no, that's beautiful.

B (15:18)

Yeah. And so in Finland, you know, it was my first time being around like naked people going into saunas. They didn't care. Being around boys, girls and boys and people of all ages. Yeah. So like teacher, like, you know, grandpas, everyone. Yeah. It was also my first time seeing an old person's dick. Oh God.

A (15:36)

And they're weird looking, man. Back in my day I've seen a few and just the old wiry hairs. I can't stand it, dude. I hate it.

B (15:46)

When I was a teenager, I didn't.

A (15:47)

Smell like Old Spice. I can't do it. I'm having flashbacks.

B (15:52)

Oh. But yeah, that was like, that was my very first time just learning that like my body isn't bad and like genitals aren't bad.

A (16:03)

I wish America was more on the body neutrality because that's such a beautiful. Just a way to teach people how to just love themselves.

B (16:13)

Yeah.

A (16:13)

Whereas out here it's just, it's such a fake, you know, body positivity. But everybody's had surgeries. We have, you know, I've had Botox, I've had my lips done. We've all.

B (16:22)

I love Botox.

A (16:23)

Yeah, exactly. I love Botox. I will never live without It. But it's like, you know, if had we have been wired on the body neutrality, we probably wouldn't have felt the way that we do now.

B (16:34)

Yeah, yeah. A lot of pressure.

A (16:36)

Yeah, for sure. So what is it like going to school with boys the first time, like, how was that for you? And were you away from your parents? Okay.

B (16:45)

The first time that it was away from parents, people were naked.

A (16:49)

I mean, this sounds like a great time. Sounds like summer camp.

B (16:52)

And just lots of tall, attractive people everywhere because Scandinavia.

A (16:56)

Oh, yeah. And they're all beautiful. Like, it's just crazy.

B (16:58)

Yeah. So it was. It was really crazy. I had a lot of sexual exploration.

A (17:03)

Wow.

B (17:04)

A lot. Yeah. Yeah. Like when people ask, like, when you just. When did you start sexually exploring? Like, my whole face started long time ago when I was a teenager.

A (17:13)

I love it. Yeah, same for me, too.

B (17:16)

I don't.

A (17:16)

I don't know how much we can get into, like, your sexual expert exploit explorations underage. Because, you know, everybody, right? Nobody, Nobody knows how to deal with anything like that. And if we talk about stuff like that, people get offended. But you did discover your sexuality while you were away and you were going to this school.

B (17:33)

Yeah.

A (17:33)

And is that kind of like, what inspired you to want to go on the path that you chose for living, for work?

B (17:40)

Yeah, yeah. So out of all, like, my background combined, right. Then I moved to the United States, you know.

A (17:49)

Oh, God, you went from Finland to fricking the United States.

B (17:52)

Yeah, yeah. Well, but I moved to la, which to me is still quite, like, sexually liberated.

A (17:57)

Yes.

B (17:57)

Comparing to Thailand, it is more sexually liberated.

A (18:00)

Definitely not body neutrality out there, though.

B (18:02)

No, no.

A (18:03)

A lot of pressure. Pressure, Yeah.

B (18:05)

A lot of pressure for beauty. But in terms of, like, sex and sexuality, I mean, there were like, everybody, Right. There's West Hollywood. There's like, there's just everybody. So it was really cool. But, you know, people often ask, like, wow, like, becoming this, like, global sex expert. Like, were you always like this? Like, no, I was. When I first came to America, I was just like an anxious immigrant girl from Thailand. I was. I was anxious. I was quite quiet. And I really, like, it was hard for me to make friends because I didn't speak fluent English. My dad sent me to an accent reduction school so I can speak standard English.

A (18:44)

I didn't even know they had those.

B (18:46)

Yeah.

A (18:47)

For international students to, like, learn how to not have an accent.

B (18:51)

Yeah. To sound American. Oh, yeah. So, I mean, I think it pays off because, like, I've received a lot of speaking opportunities. I think it's probably also because that I. That it's easy to understand me.

A (19:04)

Right.

B (19:04)

But, yeah, so I moved to America. I was in la, and I was pursuing higher education, and at that point, I was doing my master's degree. And in my master's degree, I learned that sex is one of the most. Oh, actually, sex is the most universal problem that all couples around the world have, regardless of their race, ethnicity, gender, age, how much money they make. Like. Like everybody has a sex problem at some point in their lives.

A (19:35)

When you say blown away, that is crazy. When you say problem, what do you mean? Because I feel like it's a great problem to have. Or is it?

B (19:42)

No, it's any kind of problem. So it can be physical problems.

A (19:45)

Right.

B (19:45)

So like dry vagina, erectile dysfunction. Yeah. Can't last long. Like, any sort of physical problems. It can also be psychological problems. So sexual shame, sexual anxiety, sex addiction. Right. It could also be almost like a relational problem, like in a relationship where you are in a sexless marriage, or you're in a relationship where one person is resentful because they initiate more sex than the other. So there's a lot of problems in different aspects.

A (20:17)

Gotcha. When you were saying sex problem, I thought you were talking about, like, having too much sex.

B (20:20)

Yeah.

A (20:21)

And I was like, I don't know if that's a problem. No, it's not. Yeah.

B (20:24)

But, yeah, I think. Think when I read that, I was like, damn, like, I want to be the solution to that problem because it's so universal. Yeah. Yeah.

A (20:34)

Did you have anybody that inspired you to want to go down that route, too? Because I know that there was Dr. Ruth and then there was. What was that other lady's name who used to suck the banana?

B (20:42)

Sue.

A (20:43)

I love sue, dude. She's amazing. And I've always, like, been obsessed with those two women. And even when I started my podcast, I used to say, the degenerate love child of Dolly Parton and Dr. Ruth, because I've just. They were so influential back then, you know, So I love that they influenced you also.

B (21:02)

100. Like, Dr. Ruth. Yeah, 100. I definitely, like, even now, like, you know, when I. Whenever I talk about Brand, I always say, like, I am becoming the Oprah of sex.

A (21:13)

Yeah.

B (21:13)

You know, like, interviewing people about their sex life and stuff like that. So, yeah, I love it. So ever since then, I started pursuing this career, and then I got my PhD in four years. And then once I got my PhD, I became a college professor, and that's, like, my first career and still is my Career as a college professor teaching human sexuality.

A (21:33)

That's so cool. I love how driven you were and how you just, you know, coming from, you know, coming to America, not even being able to speak English, going to school to learn how to, you know, dampen your accent, and then saying, like, you know what? I'm gonna take over America and become their sex therapist. Like, that's fucking dope.

B (21:52)

Than you.

A (21:53)

I love you so much. Thank you. So we have your man sitting over here, too. Can you tell me a little bit about how you guys met? And then we're going to dive into some questions that my Patreon members have, because there's so many of them, and I'm so excited to talk about sex.

B (22:07)

Love answering sex questions. Yay. So my husband, Brent, we met on the plane. We were heading out to Europe. So it was from la, and it was like, LA to New York. And it was that first five hours. Then he went to Italy and I went to Greece, but we sat next to each other. I remember when I got on the plane, and as I was walking down the aisle, like, I kept looking at my ticket, and I look at that hot guy over there, and I'm like, oh, I hope I sit next to him. And as I approach, I'm like, I am sitting next to him.

A (22:35)

You manifested it.

B (22:36)

Yeah. And he was drawing.

A (22:38)

Yeah.

B (22:38)

So, like, go figure.

A (22:40)

He's an oil painter, guys.

B (22:41)

Yeah, yeah, he's an oil paint, big time. And as I approached, I was like, hey, like, yeah, that's my scene. And he was drawing. So, you know, as I sat down and got settled, I'm like, so, like, what do you do? Like, what are you. What are you doing? And so we started talking about his art, and he just lights up like I have never seen in anyone in my entire life. He's just. When people live truly in their passion, you just feel the energy. And at that time, like, I haven't felt that kind of energy in a man. So when he introduced himself and he started talking about his career, like, I was drawn. Yeah. Like, I was like, I want that. I want in. Well, I want him and me, and I want in. But, yeah, that's. That's how we met. And then we sort of just been hanging out ever since. And we got married two years ago. We met five years ago, and we got married two years ago.

A (23:29)

Oh, I love that. That is so, like, serendipitous.

B (23:32)

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yes. Because our original flights were canceled. Both of us.

A (23:37)

Wow. Yeah. Oh, it was meant to be. So what's it like, being. Is his microphone over there?

B (23:44)

Hold on.

A (23:44)

We're gonna ask him a question because he's. He's married to a sex therapist. So I have to ask, you know. Okay. Hi, Brent, right? Yes, hi, Brent. So being married to us, what's it like being married to a sex therapist?

C (23:57)

Oh, it's. I mean, I think you know the answer.

A (23:59)

Yeah. I mean, is it, like, amazing? Like, how do you guys.

C (24:03)

Well, okay, I'll. I'll say the one. One of the huge benefits that I think maybe people wouldn't think of is her communication is like. She's got a PhD in communication, so I always know what she's thinking, how she's feeling, because she's telling me. And she taught me that as well.

A (24:22)

Which is like, I love language.

C (24:24)

It is, like, the most valuable thing to have ever. Like, any type of disagreement, we get in, it's over in three to five minutes, and we're moving on to bigger and better things.

A (24:35)

Absolutely.

C (24:36)

Yeah.

B (24:37)

So that's a great part. And great pussy.

A (24:39)

Yeah, that's right. That's all given because that's really what I was getting at, because it's like, being a sex therapist, I feel like the pressure is on. Like, you would have to really perform in bed all the time.

B (24:51)

You know, that's really funny, because when I first started, I sort of feel like that. But then I've been in this, you know, doing this for eight years. So for me, it's just being authentic.

A (25:00)

Right.

B (25:00)

I think people love authentic people everywhere, but particularly in bed, we're very vulnerable. Yeah. So, like, as long as you put in the effort, show yourself authentically, and, like, be really into it, because that's what people want. Like, people don't want, you know, people that just lay down. Yeah, right. Like, just be into it. Like, you know, even. Even when I give a blow job, I'm into it. Yeah. You know, I'm doing that.

A (25:23)

Like, have you ever. Have you ever given a class on how to give a blow job? Like, how sue did. Do you remember how she would, like, put the condoms on the banana and, like, twist her hands and, like, really get it going? Like, have you ever done that?

B (25:34)

But I. I aspire that would do.

A (25:36)

That spiral on Tick tock.

B (25:38)

I know, but then they will Delet.

A (25:39)

I mean, I wonder if there's, like, some way you can.

B (25:41)

A lot of community guidelines.

A (25:43)

YouTube. Yeah, Mimi said YouTube. You could do it on YouTube. Some guy waxes straight butthole on YouTube. I'm talking, like, spread cheeks.

B (25:50)

You could see.

A (25:51)

Did you See it.

B (25:51)

I had him on my podcast, bro.

A (25:53)

He's amazing. I love him.

B (25:55)

Leonardo, yeah.

A (25:56)

Yes. But he straight up wax his butthole.

B (25:59)

On YouTube and the Nair guy.

A (26:00)

Millions of views, dude. So you could definitely do it. Okay, so do you mind answering some questions?

B (26:06)

Let's answer the question.

A (26:08)

Questions.

B (26:08)

Thank you.

A (26:08)

Brent, too. And you can chime in anytime you want. You got a microphone.

C (26:11)

Oh, nice.

A (26:12)

Yeah. Hold on one second. And then we're going to talk about your book too.

B (26:16)

Thank you.

A (26:17)

Okay. This question to me was. So I didn't understand it, but then actually as I read the, the, the. The question, it kind of made a little bit of sense. So she said, when I have an orgasm, why does it make me cry? It's not a sad. It's not sad or anything like that. My partner and I have been together for about 12 years and everything is fine. It's not like an ugly sobbing cry, but more like a release.

B (26:41)

I love this question. Yeah. And it brings awareness to this topic. So that is called crygasm.

A (26:49)

I never knew that.

B (26:50)

Have you had it?

A (26:51)

No.

B (26:51)

Yeah. So crygasm is a very real thing and lots of people, particularly women, but some men too, experience it. It's because when you have a really intense orgasm, your whole body and your hormones and your physiology is all like heightened and very enhanced. So it's quite normal to have different sort of release. Some people may release it through, like, grabbing something really hard. Some people may release it through, like squeezing their vagina walls really hard. Some people release it through crying. So crygasm is actually a good sign.

A (27:26)

So that just means that she feels so good that she. They're. The only way to just get it.

B (27:29)

Out of her is that sex is incredible. Yeah.

A (27:31)

Wow. Her man must be putting it down. Have a cry gasm. Anybody here? Yeah, Cry gasm. No.

C (27:38)

Damn. I think I may have.

A (27:40)

Yeah, I bet.

C (27:41)

I. You and I, definitely.

B (27:42)

Yeah. We have had cry gasm.

C (27:44)

Yeah.

A (27:44)

You guys do or don't?

B (27:46)

We have.

C (27:46)

We have.

A (27:47)

Oh, I love you guys. That means you guys are just really getting into it.

B (27:51)

Yeah.

A (27:52)

Can we talk about squirting? Because so many people are, like fascinated by squirting and then the other people are, like, disgusted by it because they say that it's peeing. I know how to squirt and I know it's not pee, but what are your thoughts on squirting? How does somebody do it? What is it? All the things squirting.

B (28:13)

I am a big fan of squirting. Like, I love to squirt. Right.

C (28:18)

Me too. I'M a big fan. Yeah.

A (28:21)

She does it.

B (28:22)

He makes me squirt really, like so fast.

A (28:25)

Look at you, buddy.

C (28:27)

Shit.

B (28:28)

Okay, so first of all, I love squirting. There's nothing wrong with squirting. And people that feel disgusted, I think you should shift your perspective to enjoy it because it feels amazing for the woman, but also to the partner. So what is it? It's liquids from the Skene's gland, however. So the liquid from the Skene's gland is the majority of it. However, if you push the whole system really hard, sometimes there's pee in it for sure. Sometimes, right?

A (28:56)

Sometimes.

B (28:57)

And again, pee is actually not dirty. Pee is sterile, right? Like, pee is cleaner than your mouth.

A (29:04)

Wow.

B (29:04)

Yeah. Pee is sterile. Yes. That's Brent. He's a doctor.

A (29:08)

I never knew that.

B (29:09)

Yeah, yeah, pee is clean. It. It's sterile.

A (29:12)

So that's why some people drink pee, like when they do like these crazy.

B (29:16)

Oh, yeah. I think that's like sort of a new age remedy thing.

A (29:18)

You've seen it, right?

B (29:19)

Like people are drinking on Tick Tock.

A (29:21)

Actually, I've seen it on Instagram reels. That's a dark, dark place in there. But yeah, some people I've seen drinking their pee. So that's why. Because it's sterile.

B (29:30)

It's sterile, Yeah. I mean, I don't recommend drinking pee.

A (29:33)

Yeah, yeah, we do not recommend drinking pee. Just a heads up.

B (29:36)

However, it's not disgusting to just like, you know, have a little bit of pee and your skin's glands, liquids on the bed or on you or in your face or on your fingers or whatever. So that's what it is. And then how, for the women, you need to really completely relax. Yes, you would say so, right?

A (29:58)

That's absolutely.

B (29:59)

Because before I was able to squirt, it was because I couldn't relax.

A (30:03)

Too tense. Or if your mental is not there, you're not going to be able to do it.

B (30:09)

So you have to be able to relax your whole body completely. And that comes with like, foreplay, taking deep breaths and like really feel it building in your body and like sort of of push it out. Another thing is using a vibrator on your clitoris. When you get penetrated either by a finger, by fingers or penis, or a toy. Because when you come clitorally, you have more capacity to like, also have ejaculatory orgasm or squirting orgasm. So that can help too. For newbies, I think that might help them squirt easier and then one day you can try without it. It.

A (30:46)

Yeah. Also there's a technique that a guy can use. His fingers pushes down. Yes. To come hither. When he pushes down on your stomach and goes like this, like.

B (30:55)

Yeah.

A (30:55)

You can squirt a lot that way too. There's so many ways. Is there a certain position that you would recommend to beginners who are trying to learn how to squirt?

B (31:03)

Yes. Well, so it's easiest when you are getting fingered. So I recommend putting a pillow under the bud because then you're about 45 degrees up. And then have him use like. Or her. We use one or two fingers and then do the come hither motion while pushing on the mons. Like, the pubic area. However, even before you get there, though, you do need to, like, warm up the whole body.

A (31:27)

Yeah. You can't just go straight in.

B (31:28)

Yeah. Yeah. The vagina is not a separate. It's like a car. Yeah.

A (31:31)

You gotta warm it up in the wintertime.

B (31:33)

Yeah. So, like, lick the nipples, massage the breast. Kissing. Like you need the whole body first. And then. Yeah, yeah, go there. Start doing the come hither. Do the pillow under the butt. And I think it's easier to squirt that way.

A (31:46)

I love that. I hope this helps people at home too.

B (31:49)

Yay.

A (31:50)

Let's dive into some more shame in squirting. Yeah. I'm 31 years old, and me and my husband have four kids. My husband is a very horny man to the point I cannot keep up how. And what can I do to up my sex drive?

B (32:07)

Have him do more chores.

A (32:10)

Have him pull more weight around the house.

B (32:12)

Right. That's my real first answer. Because based on research, women who don't have to do chores as much are hornier. Wow. Yeah. That's why we. I mean, I say chore play is foreplay.

A (32:26)

Wow.

B (32:27)

Yeah. Like, when women are so overwhelmed, there is no space to be horny. Right. No space. Yeah.

A (32:33)

Mentally, you're just not there.

B (32:34)

You're tired. Even if I give you, you know, three tips, Tips to boost your libido, like, you can't do it if you're overwhelmed.

A (32:40)

Right.

B (32:40)

So chore play is foreplay. That's first. And then, like, once you're not so overwhelmed, then here are some of the tips based on research that really works. Yeah. One is exercise, because you need blood flow. If you are working at a computer and then taking care of your children and then laying in bed to go to bed, like, there's no blood flow. Right. Like, maybe you walk a little bit, but you need that intensity. Like, you need the.

A (33:04)

The.

B (33:05)

The hit workout. Or like, you know Stairmaster. Like you need to boost the heart rate and help with blood flow.

A (33:13)

Yeah.

B (33:13)

When you say getting horny, it means that your blood flow goes to your vulva. Right. The whole vaginal area. So if there's no blood flow, there's not going to be blood flow that can go to your vulva and vagina and therefore you can't get horny.

A (33:29)

Right.

B (33:29)

So exercise walks, like whatever, move your body. That will be the first one. The second one is more foreplay throughout the day. A lot of sexting and like teasing. Yeah. A lot of long term couples tend to have a very dormant sex life and then try to have penetrative sex.

A (33:48)

Right.

B (33:49)

Women can't do that. Yeah, most women can't. Like they have to feel like desired throughout the day. Like, I'm wanted, I'm desired. I'm sexy. Yes. Me daddy. Yeah, right. Like you can't get to, oh, I'm working on the computer and my sex life is dormant until and get home and be like me daddy. Like, you know, you can't get there.

A (34:08)

Right.

B (34:09)

So there needs to be flirting throughout the day. If you know it's your like sex date day throughout the day. There needs to be some sort of courtship going on and that needs to be revived because I think people forget when they're in long term relationships. Yeah. And then lastly, I mean, you know.

A (34:27)

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B (36:00)

There are a lot of, like, people that say, you know, meditation or sexual meditation can help you feeling more horny. But there's actually real experiments and studies in big universities that show that it works. So sexual meditation is what I do every day and it works in keeping me feel horny.

A (36:19)

Where would you find like sexual meditations at? Like on insight timer or like YouTube?

B (36:25)

YouTube? Yeah. I have a. I have a, like a bunch of guided sexual meditation on YouTube. Yeah. If you search for me, go on there. Press play and just listen to me. Take deep breaths and do what I say.

A (36:36)

Ah, I love that. You're amazing. I could listen to you talk all day long.

B (36:40)

Thank you.

A (36:41)

Next time my husband says anything, I'm gonna be like, chore play is foreplay.

B (36:44)

There you go, brother.

A (36:46)

Yeah, go do the dishes.

B (36:48)

Chore play is foreplay. I need that T shirt.

A (36:50)

Yeah, for sure. Okay. How do I get comfortable again with my new boyfriend after a domestic narcissist relationship that was three plus years? It just feels like sex will always hurt. And every doctor said, nothing is wrong. I'm just tense. I need help.

B (37:10)

I highly recommend seeing a somatic therapist. Have you heard of that?

A (37:14)

I've heard of them. I don't know exactly what they do. Could you explain?

B (37:18)

So in therapy, there are three different size of sex therapy. There is talk therapy, which is just like a regular therapy, but it's specifically about sex. Then there's somatic therapy, which is body movement. A lot of trauma is stored in the body, and sometimes just talking about it, it doesn't go away. But working with the body, you can heal from it, from inside the body. So somatic therapy actually is very powerful for people in that situation. And then the third type of therapy is called sexological bodywork. Have you heard of that one?

A (37:53)

I have not.

B (37:54)

It's very interesting. I actually discovered this only like five years ago. It's sexological Body workers are the people that work on your body so they touch you and you can touch them all.

A (38:08)

Right.

B (38:08)

As a part of therapy, where are they touching? Depends on where you have, like trauma stored.

A (38:14)

Gotcha.

B (38:14)

Okay. And like, where you have.

A (38:15)

So it's not like they're like making you orgasm. In any way. It's a healing, healing type of therapy.

B (38:20)

They can. If you have orgasm problems. A lot of women can't orgasm. It's called an orgasmia. And you can see a sexological body worker and they can basically therapeutically help you find your blocks and then like work on your body and you can also touch them. So it's like two way touch. If that's like what's agreed upon. Because of course you have to talk about it and there has to be consent.

A (38:42)

Yeah, absolutely.

B (38:43)

But I have a personal story about that.

A (38:45)

Let me hear.

B (38:46)

I recently saw a sexological body worker because I have never had anal orgasm.

A (38:52)

Well, that's. It's hard because it hurts so bad. Like you're not thinking about being like relaxed because you're so tense. I'm sorry, anal sex hurts.

B (39:03)

I can't. Because also that's why poop comes out.

A (39:05)

And sometimes you got a hemorrhoid, you know?

B (39:08)

Yes.

A (39:08)

So it's like sometimes the shit don't feel good. All right, I know.

B (39:13)

That's for real. You're very real for that. It's true. But yeah, like, I talked to some women in my field and they're like, oh my God, anal orgasm is like amazing. It's like full body. It's so great. And I'm like, oh, jealous. Like, I've never had. Has always been painful. Yeah. So I contacted this sexological body worker that actually like works on a TV show in the uk and we became friends and she came to my house, had a bed and everything. Right. Because like, body worker, kind of like a masseuse, like, they work on your body.

A (39:44)

How does someone get licensed to do this?

B (39:47)

So it's not licensed with the state or the country, but there is certification.

A (39:51)

Okay, gotcha.

B (39:51)

Yeah, so you should only, like, get certified.

A (39:54)

Yeah, don't. Don't find the guy on Craigslist.

B (39:56)

Okay.

A (39:56)

Don't have some somatic body worker from Back Page coming to help you.

B (40:01)

No, not the dude on Craigslist that was like, I don't work on your body.

A (40:05)

Exactly. I know. Craigslist is shut down, I think, right?

B (40:08)

Oh, really? I don't know.

A (40:09)

I don't know. I haven't been on there in so long. But I'm saying it's like, don't find somebody online unless they have certifications.

B (40:16)

Yeah, not, not the people that are like, I can come work on your butthole.

A (40:18)

Yeah, exactly. All right, so let me hear the story. I'm sorry I cut you off.

B (40:22)

Yeah. Never had anal orgasm. So she came over and, like, literally, it took all day of, like, talking therapy about my, like, butt and my anal stuff and then go into, like, different exercises, like breathing. So I lay down naked and I started, like, doing the exercise with her. She massaged my whole body. She, like, held space for me, then I turned around, then she massaged my whole body, then massaged my butt for a long, long, long, long time. And then she started, like, you know, having me, like, lay on the side and, like, you know, open my legs a bit so, like, she can open my butt cheeks. And then she started, like, massaging my hole. And then basically. Yeah, like, took a long time massaging the hole. Then she taught me where the anal tissues are and, like, where the orgasms can happen. And it's like the six o'. Clock.

A (41:08)

Wow. So even in women. Because I know in men. And we'll talk about that next, they have, like, a little walnut in there. Do us, as women, have one also?

B (41:16)

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, not prostate, per se, but, like, we. We can also. Yeah, we can.

A (41:21)

Something that can stimulate an orgasm.

B (41:24)

We can have anal orgasm. Wow. Because I just had one, so. So she worked on my whole body, worked on my butthole for a long time. Put her finger in. Put one finger in first, then two fingers. And then she used a toy and then helped me figure out, like, which part of the butth inside the butt was pleasurable, which part hurts more. And then she started doing the stimulation. And. Yeah, like, it took a long time.

A (41:47)

And how did it feel when it finally happened?

B (41:49)

You know, it feels like a deep, like, deep bodily release rather than, you know, clitoral orgasm. That's the easiest one. Right. And that's when your legs are, like, shaking or you have to close your legs. Yeah, it's not like that. It's very, like, sort of deep and, like, in the body, almost like it feels like in the tummy. Yeah, it felt great.

A (42:10)

Where were you when all of this was going down?

C (42:13)

She was overseas. I was back in la. I missed all of this.

B (42:18)

I know.

A (42:18)

She should have done it on FaceTime. I know. I'm like, where's Javi at when this is going on?

B (42:23)

He's so excited, though, that now I'm down for anal. Right.

A (42:26)

So have you been able to orgasm with him now since doing that, or are you still.

B (42:30)

Yeah, no, I just did the. I just did this anal retreat, like, a couple weeks ago. Oh, wow.

C (42:35)

This is all brand new.

A (42:36)

Oh, my goodness.

C (42:37)

It's not even new.

A (42:38)

You guys are gonna have to report back because I need to know I.

B (42:41)

Will let you know.

A (42:41)

So circling back to what we were just talking about, about, you know, the, the men's anal gland and the G spot that's in there. Can you tell us about how if a woman wanted to make her husband orgasm from that spot, how did we make that happen?

B (42:56)

Yeah, the P spot. I mean, there are different ways. First way, you can massage the perennium or like the taint. You can massage that in, like different sensations. You can do with just your fingers first and then try like lube and like a lot of lube to see what feels good for him. I heard that doing that, coupling that with like a blow job is like, you know, fireworks. So you can massage the perineum, you can also insert. And that's why some men really loves getting pegged or fingered in the butt. So you can also insert your finger, maybe one or two fingers. It's about one and a half inches inside the butthole. And it is a part of the whole, like, prostate system. So yes, men can have an orgasm and it doesn't mean ejaculatory orgasm. So they might not ejaculate, but they can have a bodily orgasm from that as well. But they can also ejaculate if you also stimulate the shaft. So you can do all of that combined and it should feel really good. That's why some men love when you give them a hand job and they're about to come, they're like, oh, put your finger inside me, because it makes it more intense.

A (44:08)

Yeah.

B (44:08)

But some men also just love full blown getting pegged, right? Yeah.

A (44:11)

So let's talk about that.

B (44:12)

Have you pegged men before?

A (44:14)

I have not.

B (44:15)

Do you want to?

A (44:15)

I've had people try to hire me back in the day in my old profession to peg them, and I just never could. It wasn't my thing. But there was other girls who have done that. Can we talk about what pegging is? And like, for people at home who don't know about it and you know, what are some fun things that people can do with pegging?

B (44:32)

Yeah, yeah. I mean, putting finger inside and stimulating some, stimulating it that way is also. Also sort of like, you know, pegging 101, you know?

A (44:41)

Okay, so maybe I have pegged some people.

B (44:44)

Yeah. Well, without any tools. Right. But like originally or traditionally, when we say pegging, we mean women wearing a strap on.

A (44:54)

That's what I was thinking.

B (44:55)

And then pegging men. So like, like them in the butt. Right. And to do that, you need to go then first, like, go purchase the. The whole harness Purchase the whole harness and you know, the strap on. Right, the dildo. Strap on. And usually if men are newbies, they want to start with something really small. So like a four inch dildo.

A (45:16)

Listen, if men can't even handle anal at first, how do you guys think we can handle your big old schlongs the first time?

B (45:21)

Preach, sis. I know. Yeah, I mean, like, if you want to do me anal. I do. You analyze me. It's not a me. Are you a we?

A (45:31)

I love it.

B (45:32)

But yeah, like, if you're new to pegging, there's a lot of like resources online, like how to peg, but it's generally like wearing the strap on, lubing it a lot with lube. And then also start with massaging his butthole first so it's relaxed and warm.

A (45:47)

When you say massaging, do you mean like just putting your two fingers on the outside? Yeah. Okay.

B (45:53)

But you can't have like super long nails. So.

A (45:55)

Yeah, I wouldn't think that these would be fun in there. That would not be good.

B (45:59)

You don't have anal nails.

A (46:00)

Yeah, no, no.

B (46:02)

But yeah, massage the whole. The starfish. Massage the whole. Keep it like warm and loose. And you can also even start with like just one finger and like kind of lube it around like this and then. Yeah. Slowly inserting.

A (46:14)

So I never knew putting a finger in the butthole. I have. I actually one of my exes, I. I banged him with a dildo. So I guess that's considered pegging too.

B (46:21)

Yeah.

A (46:22)

Also.

B (46:22)

Okay. Yeah.

A (46:23)

Ye. Yeah, I guess I have.

B (46:25)

So you experience.

A (46:26)

I just never worn the strap on. Not that I have anything against it. I just don't think that I don't. I don't think my thrust technique would be great. You know, I need to work on my thrust.

B (46:35)

I feel like it just feels so powerful to have a.

A (46:38)

Literally. Have you pegged people?

B (46:39)

I have.

A (46:40)

Yeah.

B (46:41)

Him. Because he's not into anal.

A (46:42)

Yeah, well. Oh, you're not into it. But yeah, he's not into it on himself.

B (46:46)

Well, but he will.

C (46:47)

But here's another thing. Going back to your question about marrying a sexologist is I'm. Now I'm open to anything.

A (46:59)

Were you like that before?

C (47:00)

No way. No. No way. I grew up in a very loving parents, but very conservative. Like I was ashamed of sex.

B (47:10)

And we don't mean conservative in general. We mean sexually conservative.

C (47:13)

Sexually conservative. Yeah. So marrying her and being with her, she's opened my mind that, that I can't. I'll never say never to anything. So I'm I'm always looking to grow and learn.

B (47:25)

And that means I get to peg him tonight.

A (47:28)

I was gonna say. I was gonna say get the strap out, baby.

B (47:31)

Let's go. 8 inch 1.

A (47:33)

He's over here blushing right now. He's like, ah. Nope, didn't mean that.

C (47:37)

Yeah, not tonight.

B (47:38)

I actually don't remember the brand. I don't want to shout out anyone, but like, I heard that there is a brand that makes a specific strap on for his butthole. Like they do like a. It's like a custom made.

A (47:52)

Oh, yeah. I'm glad they get the royal treatment. Meanwhile, women, we just have to take it. It could be fucking 8, 10. Doesn't matter.

B (47:59)

Curve 10. How have you met?

A (48:02)

I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

B (48:04)

Is it him?

A (48:05)

No, no. This is Jaime. His girlfriend's hot, though. His girlfriend is really hot. He's banging Brooke and she's beautiful. All right, we're gonna ask you a couple more questions because I feel like this is so informative, but I'm gonn patreon because. Oops. Hold on. I just hit.

B (48:19)

Let's do it.

A (48:20)

I could sit here and listen to you talk all day. Like, you are so informative. But you know what's really cool about the information that you give is you also teach people to, you know, work through their trauma. And I think that's amazing because a lot of sexual blockage is from trauma. And actually a lot of fetishes stem from trauma too, you know, and we always say on this podcast we never yuck anybody's yum, you know, and we do a segment called Ask, Tell, Confess every week and we get some pretty crazy questions. And I feel like I need to just start shooting people over to you. I'll be like, go ask Dr. Tara.

B (48:53)

Yes, ask me.

A (48:55)

All right, hold on one second. Yeah, we could call in Dr. Tara on the lifeline. That would be amazing. This person Haley said, I want to know your opinion on womb meditation.

B (49:08)

I think it's lovely.

A (49:09)

I've never heard of it. What is it?

B (49:11)

Yeah, it's like to honor the yoni and the womb, and I think it's lovely. I think any sort of, like, sex related meditation is lovely and effective because, like I said, there's research that shows through the experiments that it works. And honestly, we as women, we don't give honor and love to our womb that much. We just take it for granted. We take her for granted.

C (49:36)

Yeah.

B (49:36)

So I think like womb meditation, yoni meditation, whatever you call it, sacral meditation. I think it's it's super, super lovely. And when I say, like, research found it works, I mean, it really works on some of the people that actually had zero sex drive. There was a study that was about cancer patients who had, like, some sort of cervical cancer. So, like, these women had no sex drive, and then after doing this for, like, a certain period of time, they all had sex drive. So, like, it works.

A (50:07)

Yeah. No, I love meditation. I'm a. I am a huge meditation advocate. I talk about it on the podcast all the time because I like. I love of anything that is a reset, especially for your nurses.

B (50:20)

Yeah. Can I just say, it's amazing because we need more, like, celebrities to talk about meditation.

A (50:27)

Yeah.

B (50:27)

Because, again, like, generally, meditation is free.

A (50:30)

Yes.

B (50:30)

And it's literally therapeutic, and it's literally breathing.

A (50:34)

It's breathing and getting in touch with your body. I feel like. Especially because in this world that we live in, we are all so detached from ourselves that it's like. Like, you deserve to give yourself 20 minutes a day of just being inside yourself and literally, if you want to, or, you know, figuratively speaking. But meditation, I just think is so healing and so, so needed. They should teach it in schools.

B (50:56)

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (50:58)

Do you teach it in your class?

B (50:59)

Yeah, yeah. I talk about sexual mindfulness and meditation.

A (51:03)

What college do you teach at?

B (51:04)

California State University, Fulton.

A (51:06)

You're going to have everybody and their mom go sign up for your class.

B (51:09)

I mean, my classes are always full in the first five minutes.

A (51:11)

I bet. I could only imagine. I. If you. You. If I had a class back in the day, whenever I just was thinking about going to college, I would have gone to college just for your class.

B (51:19)

Thank you.

A (51:20)

So Joanie wants to know, I. I need some advice on what to do about menopause. I've been going through this shit for half my life, it seems now. But what helps with hot flashes and my sex drive? She said, evidently I took a wrong turn and got lost.

B (51:37)

So, three things. One, there are menopausal supplements out there that work. You just need to vet the website, really read their research, like, read their clinical trials, because there are too many supplements in the world. And some of them are shit. Yes. Right. Like, just.

A (51:53)

And don't buy them off Amazon.

B (51:55)

No. And it's just, like, made in some people's, like, garage. Yeah. Like, so make sure it's legitimate. And. But there are, like, natural supplements that can help regulate the menopausal process. So supplements is 1, 2 is using a ton of lube for everything, including masturbation.

C (52:14)

10.

A (52:14)

Even if they have vaginal dryness, will the loot. Will it still feel good to them?

B (52:19)

It will still feel good, yeah. I, I love silicone based lube because it stays slippery a long time.

A (52:24)

I literally preach silicone. Do not use water based.

B (52:29)

No, it just goes dry fast.

A (52:30)

I don't like it. And you get a yeasty beastie every time. Silicone. I feel like you don't.

B (52:36)

Yeah.

A (52:37)

Like a yeast infection I can't stand.

B (52:38)

It's so cute. It's like a cartoon. Like a. Oh my God, we should make sex ed cartoon.

A (52:43)

Oh my God, that would be so cool. Beasty. I'm serious. Cuz they're like raging. Like, I hate it. I hate Easter.

B (52:50)

I just got one two weeks ago because I try new lube. I won't say the brand, but I try a new lube. A brand sent it to me. So I tried it and I got yeast infection. It was the worst.

A (52:59)

No, it's the worst.

B (53:00)

The worst silicone.

A (53:01)

You never have that problem?

B (53:02)

No. So use silicone based lube and just like become comfortable using it all the time. Because a lot of people have this shame still. Like, I'm a woman, I should get natural, naturally wet. Or else I'm not womanly.

A (53:15)

No.

B (53:16)

But that there's also a lot of factors while you're dry. Like if you're taking antihistamine, like, allergy pill.

A (53:22)

Yes.

B (53:22)

You're dry. Like it's normal.

A (53:25)

Yes.

B (53:25)

So people don't know that. They're like, oh, I'm dry. Like I'm, you know, I'm not confident. He goes down and he's like, why are you dry? Are you not horny? Like, no. Like your head can be horny, but your is dry.

A (53:35)

Yeah. There's so many factors.

B (53:37)

I take so many, like, allergy pills that like, sometimes times I'm just not that wet.

A (53:41)

I literally have silicone lube in my purse right now. Okay. Like I, I can pull it out right now. That's how much I love lube. I think there's nothing wrong with it and I mean just you can have so much fun with it and.

B (53:53)

Yeah.

A (53:54)

Never have to think twice.

B (53:55)

Yeah.

A (53:56)

How do you make sex fun again once you're in recovery from substance abuse? It was so much fun before, but now that I'm sober, it's very meh.

B (54:06)

I think it needs a complete need. Rewire of the brain.

C (54:10)

Yes.

B (54:11)

And I've read a lot of literature, research into like sober dating. And what people will do is they will integrate like being sober into like their sexy date. And that sort of. Sort of starts the wiring process. Yes. So what that means is when you go on a date with your boo or someone's. Someone you're dating is have, like. Let's say, like, do. Do a mocktail taste thing. Have, like, five different mocktails. And do, like, the tasting and actually talk about it. Integrate it into your romantic life first so that it's not. It doesn't just feel like sex. Right. Because everything else, like, it goes together.

A (54:49)

Right.

B (54:50)

So rewire the brain that, like, hey, like, when I feel loved, when I'm in a romantic situation, there's no alcohol.

C (54:57)

Yeah.

B (54:57)

Right. Then when you transition into having sex in order to make it more pleasurable because you used to just have drunk sex all the time and now you're having sober sex, is to make sure that you integrate props, like tools. The reason why you feel sober sex is not as good or it's awkward is because your brain is literally trained that when you are drunk is the only time that sex is pleasurable. Like, there is a neural pathway that tells you that. And in order to rewire that, maybe try something different. So not the same sex. So maybe it's not just. Just like, him trying to penetrate you. Maybe it's him using a toy on your.

A (55:40)

Yeah.

B (55:40)

And just change it. Yes, change it. Open new pathways, like, neural pathways. When people ask me too, like, how. How come I can't have vaginal orgasm? It's because that pathway isn't open yet. You have to work on it, and it takes some time. But once that pathway with your brain and your body is open and it's connected, you can have it all the time. So.

A (56:02)

Yeah.

B (56:02)

I would highly recommend her to have different types of sex than when she had drunk sex.

A (56:08)

Yes.

B (56:08)

Including toys and tools. And try that first. And once it's repositioned, then you can go back to the missionary and the other things you've done before.

A (56:17)

I couldn't agree with that more because I had to go through that when I got sober in 2017 off of drugs and then off of alcohol. I got sober in 2018, and I had to learn how to be.

B (56:29)

So you don't drink anymore. Congratulations.

A (56:31)

Thank you so much. Yeah, I had to relearn how to be sexy, not up. And it's. I'm telling you, it is a journey, but you can get there, because now I don't need anything to feel sexy. And it's kind of, like, empowering because you, like, you know, you can turn it on at any time and turn it off and you don't have to have the hangover.

B (56:49)

Right.

A (56:49)

So everything you just said is 100 spot on.

B (56:52)

Thank you.

A (56:53)

Yeah, no, was. That was really great advice.

B (56:56)

I love that he's snoring.

A (56:57)

I, I Do you see me over here? I'm like, shaking him. I'm like, stop.

B (57:00)

That's so cute.

A (57:01)

I'm gonna ask you, like, two more questions and then we're gonna talk about your book. These are just so good. I feel like so many people have so many questions too. We already talked about squirting. I'm 57 years old and have been in a sexless relationship for 12 years. Any suggestions for a woman who is with a man who just doesn't want sex?

B (57:26)

Wow. So first off, I want to tell her that you are beautiful, you are sexy, you are desired, you are wanted, and you don't need him initiating sex to tell you that. So I say that first because I know it's really, really, really hard to be in a relationship where the man is. Where it feels like the man doesn't desire you sexually. I have been in a relationship like that, and it wasn't my fault or anything about me at all, actually. He was struggling with testosterone problem, and he, he personally had really low sex drive, but still, it had that spillover effect on me and my self esteem. And the whole time in that relationship, I did not feel good about myself because I'm like, oh, like, even my partner didn't want to fuck me. Like, you know, so, yeah, like, I completely understand where she's coming from. Although that sounds way more sever. 12 years.

A (58:21)

12 years, yeah. Would you suggest that somebody just like, I don't know, I would suggest, like, hey, maybe set this guy down and if you guys can't come to an agreement of some sorts of trying to work on it, then maybe you guys need to go separately.

B (58:33)

Get a divorce. Yeah. Yeah.

A (58:35)

Because there's so much life to live. And you're 57. That's not that old.

B (58:38)

Like, no, that's.

A (58:39)

You still have freaking. Hopefully 20 more years to live. You know, like, go get your groove on, sister.

B (58:44)

Oh, yeah. And silver dating. I mean, I. I know it sounds.

A (58:49)

Kind of silver dating. I love that.

B (58:51)

I know, but that's like people over 55, like, silver dating. Fair. Silver dating is so popular.

A (58:58)

Yeah.

B (58:58)

So popular.

A (58:59)

Oh, they're horny old people. My dad, literally, my dad passed away last year. Was banging all the way up until he croaked. It was like, like, they don't care, these people. No, I'm Telling you they old people are horny.

B (59:12)

Who were.

A (59:13)

Who was just telling me about the. You. What were you telling me? Me.

B (59:18)

They do nursing home. Can you.

A (59:21)

Okay. Say that on the camera because I think this will be a good clip. Can we talk about how old people are horny as hell?

B (59:27)

All people are horny as hell. I mean, there are some statistics out there that say, like, senior homes or like nursing homes have the highest STI rates in the. In the country.

A (59:36)

That's insane. I can't believe.

B (59:38)

Are fucking way more than Gen Z. Like way more than young people.

A (59:43)

Why do you think that is? Why is everybody so horny? Because I feel like the older generation was so repressed. Do you think they're in, like their sexual liberation now?

B (59:51)

They are. I think they are in their sexual awakening. And yeah, I think when you're older, you're in the fudge it mentality. Yeah. Yeah.

A (59:58)

You know, obviously if you're going around collecting STI, like badges of honor, I.

B (60:03)

Have 10 years left just going to.

A (60:04)

Get and give me gonorrhea, chlamydia and all. All of the above.

C (60:08)

They don't care.

B (60:09)

Already on antibiotics for, like their hips or their back. So, like, it works.

A (60:14)

How are they even getting to STIs? What the hell's happening? Who's doing this review? Like, what are we doing?

B (60:21)

But for that woman, I really want her to be able to masturbate regularly because you can still get benefits from orgasms by yourself. And that's like the cocktail of happy hormones. When you orgasm, you get oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin in. It's incredible. Like, the benefits of orgasming, you don't need anyone to help you. Like, you can just grab a toy and lube and orgasm on your own. So I highly recommend that person, like masturbating regularly to feel that sexual energy. And with him, I mean, see a sex therapist or sex coach, that can help. But at the end of the day, if you can't talk and come to terms with it, I, I would. I agree with you.

A (61:00)

Yeah.

B (61:01)

Divorce. Have to. Yeah.

A (61:02)

Do you feel like if you don't use you. If you don't use it, you lose it? You know that saying? Do you feel like that's true?

B (61:08)

100.

A (61:09)

Me too.

B (61:09)

Yeah. If you haven't had sex a long time as a woman, your vagina becomes. It kind of like shrinks a little cobwebs. Yeah. And literally it hurts so bad to have sex again. Yeah. Yeah.

A (61:22)

So definitely always twiddle the twacker because it's going to keep us happy no matter what. Yeah.

B (61:27)

Help yourself.

A (61:28)

Dr. Tara, thank you for answering those questions. That was awesome. Let's talk about your book.

B (61:32)

Book? Yes.

A (61:33)

So you, you just dropped a book actually. Or it's coming out.

B (61:37)

It's a release. It's coming out in October. Okay. But the pre order is open now and it's called how do you like it? A guide for getting what you want in bed.

A (61:47)

I love this.

B (61:47)

Thank you.

A (61:48)

The book combines academic research with playful no filter advice that includes quizzes, writing prompts and sexual profile tools. Yeah, tell me about that. This.

B (61:59)

Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs test?

A (62:01)

I don't know.

B (62:02)

Have I, I feel like personality test maybe.

A (62:04)

Is that like the enneagram?

B (62:06)

ENFJ intj. Like, yeah.

A (62:09)

So I'm like a seven, eight.

B (62:10)

Wait, that's. That's enneagram. That's a number. So this one is like ENFJ intp.

A (62:16)

Oh no, I need to take it.

B (62:17)

Oh yeah. So that's a personality test. Okay. I basically came up with one for sex. So it's like a sex personality test. So when you take it, you'll know like who you are sexually. Yeah. And you can use it like to talk about with your date or your partner and it allows her. It's a conversation starter. It really my goal is to help people in the world start talking about sex together. And this will help them because they will. There's a ton of quizzes in this book. So you take the quizzes. It will tell you like who you are, your sex personality, how you moan, like your sexual expression type. There's all kinds of quizzes on there that will help you understand who you are and then be able to talk about who you are with your partner.

A (62:59)

I think that would be. That's amazing because it can actually like bring couples together.

B (63:02)

Yeah.

A (63:03)

Like some couples don't like to talk about sex. So maybe if they sat down and actually like did like a chapter a day or like a quiz a day, like while they're laying in bed, like it would just spark something between them.

B (63:13)

That's actually America's biggest problem. I did a huge study based on 5,000 people. Wow. And I found that America's biggest problem is not talking about sex. Sex when it comes to romantic relationship.

A (63:26)

Wow.

B (63:26)

They don't. People don't talk about sex.

A (63:29)

Do you think it's because they don't want to rock the boat with each other or they just don't know how to communicate?

B (63:33)

They don't know how to start. Yeah. And it's It's a very vulnerable topic. It's like, where do we start? Where do we go? Do we just ask? Like, does this feel good? What else do you like? What if they say something that I don't want to do? Like, you know, there's. There's a method to how to talk about it. And in my book, I talk about all of this. That. Yeah, Yeah.

A (63:50)

I love that. So we all got to go. I would like to get a copy of your book, too, so maybe we'll order it. We love to. We love to contribute.

B (63:57)

Thank you.

A (63:58)

How do you like it? Dr. Tara's debut book is coming out October 21, 2025. I love the month of October. I feel like all good things happen in October, so that's amazing. And shout out to you for your new book.

B (64:09)

Thank you. Thank you so much.

A (64:10)

So excited for you. Do you think this is going to be the first of many?

B (64:13)

Yeah, the first of many.

A (64:14)

Yeah.

B (64:15)

Yeah. And it. And hopefully I become a New York Times bestseller. Oh, you will.

A (64:20)

We're putting it in the air. We're manifesting it.

B (64:22)

I'm manifesting it. I'm manifesting it.

A (64:24)

I'm telling you. More people need books like this, and it's so relatable. And the way that you're so down to earth, I feel like people just are comfortable with you and we need somebody like that in the world. So. Yeah.

B (64:35)

Thank you so much.

A (64:36)

And writing a book is a very hard feat. I'm. My book drops in February, so I literally, I. The fact that you did this speaks volumes because writing a book is not easy.

B (64:47)

Thank you so much.

A (64:47)

Yeah, absolutely. Dr. Tara, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.

B (64:51)

Thank you. It has been orgasmic.

A (64:53)

Yeah.

B (64:53)

Yeah. I'm having, like, a full body experience.

A (64:56)

I've got my orgasm. My. What is this?

B (64:59)

My have an orgasmic day notebook. It's just a blank notebook that you can write your, you know, your journal. Do you journal?

A (65:05)

I don't.

B (65:06)

There you go. Now you can journal every day. I can write one sentence every day. Why you're proud of your yourself.

A (65:11)

There you go. I will do that. I'll do that for sure. Shout out where everybody can find you your socials and all that stuff.

B (65:17)

Yes. So my website, Instagram and Tick tock are lovebites. Co. That's L U V B I T E S dot co.

A (65:24)

I love it. Thank you so much, Dr. Tara.

B (65:26)

Thank you.

A (65:27)

Appreciate it. You got to come back, please.

B (65:28)

I will. This was so much fun. You're like the best interviewer ever.

A (65:32)

Oh, I love you.

B (65:32)

So calm, but very, like, inquisitive. It's great.

A (65:35)

I love it. Well, I. I literally could sit here for another hour and talk to you. So don't sit here. You can. I have so many on this paper right on this notepad right here. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.