Dumb Blonde Podcast
Episode: Martin Riese: Why Your “Healthy” Water Might Be Lying to You
Date: August 18, 2025
Host: Bunnie XO
Guest: Martin Riese, America’s first certified Water Sommelier
Episode Overview
This episode dives deep (pun intended) into the world of water, myth-busting viral claims about “healthy” and “unhealthy” bottled waters and tap water. Host Bunnie XO welcomes Martin Riese, renowned water sommelier, to debunk “scammy” water trends, clarify confusing science, and help listeners understand what’s really in their bottles. They address controversies (including toxic arsenic claims), deceptive marketing, and how listeners can make informed choices for their health.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
How Bunnie and Martin Connected ([04:55])
- Bunnie’s viral Mountain Valley water test video led to followers recommending Martin.
- Martin reached out, and the episode kicks off with their mutual desire to learn, correct misinformation, and take accountability.
Quote:
“I am never always right. I love to be taught stuff... When you stop learning, you stop living.” – Bunnie (07:00)
“You want the best for your followers, you want the best. I can see the passion.” – Martin (06:00)
Martin’s Water Sommelier Journey ([07:42]–[15:00])
- Martin’s childhood obsession with the taste of water.
- Parallels between wine and water tasting: both have terroir and mineral complexities.
- Creation of the first water menu in a Michelin-star restaurant. Certification by the German Water Trade Association.
- Immigration to the US on an “extraordinary ability” (O1) visa—specifically for his water expertise.
Quote:
“As a child...I wanted to taste the water. It’s not hydration for me...hydration is boring. I want to taste the water.” – Martin (08:00)
What Makes Water Taste Different? ([16:45], [29:42])
- Water’s taste comes from minerality picked up from stone layers, just as wine’s taste is shaped by its soil.
- TDS (Total Dissolved Solids) is commonly used to measure minerals, but that number can be misleading.
Quote:
“Imagine you’d go to a barbecue spot and they just served you one sausage...Why do we do this with water?” – Martin (09:27)
- Water is not a finite resource (the planet's water volume is stable), but climate change is altering global distribution.
Water Industry Behind the Scenes: Drama, Marketing, and Misinformation ([22:01], [23:24])
- In the US, “purified water” is often just filtered and treated tap water, not spring water.
- Marketing tricks: “Electrolyte-infused,” “high pH,” “alkaline”—often meaningless or misleading; both Smartwater and Dasani are “spiffed-up tap water.”
- Bottled water has a much smaller environmental impact compared to other beverages.
Quote:
“Smartwater is nothing other than highly processed boiled up tap water.” – Martin (24:44)
Demystifying TDS & Water Testing Myths ([30:12]–[34:12])
- TDS = Total Dissolved Solids. It simply measures the quantity of dissolved material, not whether those are “good minerals” or “dangerous contaminants.”
- Widely available home test kits and strips are often 29–65% accurate, providing misleading results.
- The EPA’s TDS limit of 500 is for tap water to flag possible contamination en route—not for bottled water, which is tested differently before bottling.
Quote:
“There are no really good water testing kits for home. It’s all just making money.” – Martin (33:09)
Social Media Fear-Mongering: Arsenic, Apps & Water Panic ([37:35]–[41:15])
- Viral Instagram claims alleged Mountain Valley water was hiding arsenic and other dangerous contaminants.
- Martin fact-checked: Mountain Valley publishes its water quality reports, and detected arsenic is natural, minuscule, and legally far below dangerous levels.
- Bunnie reads Mountain Valley’s official statement.
- Martin warns of influencers and apps leveraging fear for paid subscriptions, often twisting numbers.
Quote:
“What he does is nothing else than fear mongering on the Internet. This is how he sells his subscriptions.” – Martin (40:44)
“The idea that Mountain Valley is poisoning is complete nonsense...He’s fear mongering to sell his app.” – Martin (59:08)
Bottled Water, Regulation, and Transparency ([44:39]–[48:50])
- Some brands (Fiji, Mountain Valley) are highly transparent; others (Dasani) are not. Demand for published water quality reports.
- Cross-contamination and regulation: the FDA handles bottled water, the EPA tap water. In Europe, bottles list TDS and minerals for consumer clarity.
Quote:
“Not every water company is happy about what I say...if you mess up in your business, I just call it out.” – Martin (22:29)
The “Purified Water” Trap, Alkaline Gimmicks, and Multilevel Marketing Scams ([46:29], [48:26], [49:44])
- Alkaline, hydrogen, and deuterium-depleted waters are “health” trends lacking good evidence; physical claims rarely stand up to scrutiny.
- Multi-level marketing (MLM) schemes push high-priced filtered water machines under dubious health claims (“medical water,” “cellular hydration”)—often targeting the vulnerable.
- Martin critiques such companies for making medical claims, scaremongering, and spreading misinformation with impunity.
Quote:
“Every water will hydrate you on a cellular level...please don’t use these marketing terms.” – Martin (50:31)
Microplastics: The Ubiquitous Problem ([52:07]–[55:34])
- Microplastics are everywhere: not just in bottled water, but in food, the air—and especially from car tire runoff.
- Even glass bottled water can contain microplastics, mostly from painted caps and bottling processes, not the glass itself.
- The solution is reducing plastics at the source, not just filtering afterwards.
Waters Tasted Live: Flavor, Texture, and Pairings ([72:28]–[91:51])
- Martin guides Bunnie through tasting a range of waters, including Saratoga, Three Bays (Australia—thick, mineral-heavy), Mountain Valley (sparkling), and Soko Sani (Peru—bubbly, high in electrolytes).
- Each has dramatically different taste and mouthfeel due to its unique TDS and mineral profile.
- Waters like Three Bays or Borjomi (5,000+ TDS!) aren’t intended for regular hydration; some are medicative in their home countries.
Quote:
“It’s loaded with 27 key minerals...creamy, sweet, very unique water.” – Martin (77:10)
Water Safety, Kidney Stones, and Filtration at Home ([78:00]–[97:03])
- There’s no magic TDS threshold for kidney stones—it depends on individual health. Consult your doctor.
- Water softeners and RO (reverse osmosis) systems discussed: RO is safest but strips good minerals, so remineralization is suggested.
- Brita filters: cheap models mainly remove chlorine—not much else. The key with any filter is proper maintenance.
Quote:
“A $20 Brita filter literally just gets rid of chlorine. That’s all. It doesn’t filter anything else.” – Martin (94:48)
Tap Water Realities, Infrastructure, and Advocacy ([91:47]–[93:54])
- Martin supports tap water for sustainability—but always recommends filtration in the US due to varying pipe infrastructure and contamination risks (e.g., Flint, MI).
- Infrastructure investments are needed to bring all US tap water up to safe standards.
Quote:
“I’m a pro tap water person...But you should filter it first.” – Martin (91:51)
“Water is a human right.” – Martin (93:34)
Perrier Scandal and Calling Out Brands ([97:09]–[100:14])
- Perrier caught illegally filtering its spring water under European law but continuing to market as “natural mineral water.” The US-market “Masau Perrier” is now a different, less-regulated source.
- Martin values transparency, consistent labeling, and calls out brands that evade scrutiny or compliance.
On Fighting Misinformation and Building Community ([102:25]–End)
- Martin describes his role as a “water avenger,” holding influencers and companies accountable for false/misleading claims.
- He encourages critical thinking, compassion, research, and fact-checking— even of his own statements.
Quote:
“We need to trust sometimes our agencies...But, again, be skeptic.” – Martin (104:16)
“Please fact check even me.” – Martin (103:01)
“Let’s be all American and let’s help each other out. That’s a strong community and that’s a strong country.” – Martin (106:52)
Memorable Quotes with Timestamps
- “Smartwater is nothing other than highly processed boiled up tap water.” (24:44, Martin)
- “He’s fear mongering to sell his app. That’s what he does. What is sad. I feel sad for him actually.” (59:08, Martin)
- “All purified water is tap water.” (49:44, Martin)
- “Imagine you would just eat oranges, nothing else anymore. You would have a problem at one point.” (61:10, Martin)
- “The minute this water comes down, it passes through different stone layers and will leak out minerality, and these minerals you can actually taste later on.” (29:42, Martin)
- “I think when you stop learning, you stop living.” (07:22, Bunnie)
- “When something is too good or too weird, too bad, suddenly, maybe there’s a background.” (104:17, Martin)
- “Water is a human right.” (93:34, Martin)
Important Timestamps
| Time | Segment | |------|---------| | 04:55 | Introduction to Martin and their viral water controversy | | 07:42 | Martin’s background and becoming the first water sommelier | | 16:45–18:32 | The myth of “running out of water” and water distribution | | 22:01–24:44 | Purified water, tap water, and bottled water industry drama | | 29:42 | Water’s taste: minerality and flavor explained | | 30:12–34:12 | What TDS actually means and why testing is misleading | | 37:35–41:15 | The Mountain Valley arsenic panic and social media fear-mongering | | 46:29 | Alkaline/hydrogen water—science vs. hype | | 48:50 | Problems with multi-level marketing water schemes | | 52:07–55:34 | Microplastics—reality check | | 72:28–91:51 | Water tasting: Saratoga, Three Bays, Mountain Valley, Borjomi, Soko Sani | | 91:47–93:54 | Should Americans drink tap water? Filtration advice | | 97:09–100:14 | Perrier scandal and importance of transparency | | 102:25–End | On calling out BS, compassion, and building community |
Quick Reference: "Best" and "Worst" Waters (According to Martin)
- Good waters: Vary by taste, diet, and context (no single “best”). Martin praises Saratoga, Mountain Valley (still & sparkling), Soko Sani, and others for their transparency and authentic minerality.
- Waters to approach skeptically: Premium-priced purified (tap) waters with hype (Smartwater, Core), MLM “machine waters,” and brands evading transparency (e.g., Dasani, current Perrier US variant).
Final Thoughts
Martin Riese urges listeners not to panic over headlines, viral claims, or influencer “science,” but instead to approach water with curiosity, skepticism, and a desire for evidence. Read the labels, demand transparency, use common sense, filter your tap water, and remember: not every test or trend is what it claims to be.
Call to action:
Fact-check your favorites, think critically, promote transparency, and—most importantly—stay hydrated the smart way.