Dumb Blonde Podcast

Episode: TBT: Tonesa Welch – First Lady of BMF

Host: Bunnie XO of Dumb Blonde Productions
Guest: Tonesa Welch, First Lady of BMF
Date: December 25, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode is a deep and unvarnished conversation between Bunnie XO and Tonesa Welch – the so-called "First Lady of BMF (Black Mafia Family)." The discussion traces Tonesa’s journey from a middle-class Detroit upbringing to the upper echelons of a notorious criminal enterprise, her experiences with trauma and domestic abuse, prison, loss, and ultimately, redemption and advocacy. Tonesa shares her story in her own words, revealing the reality behind both her life and the legends depicted in popular culture.

Note: The summary begins after the ad break ([02:08]), focusing on the substantial conversation.

Major Discussion Points and Insights

1. Early Life and Draw to Street Culture

[03:47] – [04:55]

• Tonesa grew up on Detroit’s west side in a stable, middle-class family, with no drugs or violence at home.
• Despite this, she felt a strong attraction to the allure and excitement of street life.
• Quote [04:25] Tonesa: "Sometimes we just have a journey to fulfill and that’s why we came here, you know?"
• She became pregnant at 18 and had her first son at 19, starting as a typical teenager in love.

2. Introduction to “the Life” and First Love

[05:42] – [11:18]

• Her first experience in a flashy Detroit club at 19 felt like a pivotal moment, exposing her to glamorous street culture and changing her worldview.
• There, she met Harold (“H”), a well-known, fashionable figure from Detroit’s east side who pulled her into his world of money, drugs, and excitement.
• Tonesa describes the gifts, attention, and eventual partnership in drug dealing, acknowledging the undertones of grooming ([10:05] Bunnie and Tonesa discuss grooming into the lifestyle).

3. Active Participation and Ascent in Street Business

[13:02] – [15:48]

• Tonesa was not merely an accessory but an active, ambitious partner, pushing H to expand operations to Detroit's wealthier west side.
• Her natural leadership surfaced early.
• Quote [14:09] Tonesa: “I always felt grown. I always felt like I had to take on the responsibilities of everyone else.”

4. Abuse and Breaking the Cycle

[15:51] – [24:49]

• H became increasingly abusive as their fortunes grew. The violence escalated, culminating in an incident where Tonesa, fearing for her life, stabbed him in self-defense.
• Quote [17:18] Tonesa: “I had in my mind, I thought, like, I’m going to kill him tonight. I didn’t think about the consequences, just knew that was going to be the last time.”
• The experience of being in jail, not knowing if she’d committed murder, was a moment of deep reckoning and clarity for her: “Why don’t you just leave?”
• Both Tonesa and Bunnie relate through their own experiences of domestic violence, illuminating how abuse is often intertwined with trauma-bonding and ideas of love and protection.

5. Breaking Away, Independence, and Transition to BMF

[27:01] – [48:33]

• Tonesa discusses her strained parental relationships, especially the absence of her biological father and the resulting trauma-bonding that shaped her choices in men.
• After separating definitively from H (helped by his imprisonment), she enjoyed newfound independence, a rising profile, and ultimately connected with the men who would found BMF: Demetrius “Big Meech” and Terry “Southwest T.”
• Her relationship with Terry started as a friendship and business partnership, growing over time. Tonesa emphasizes that, contrary to the BMF series’ depiction, she was not an older woman preying on a younger man but rather already an established figure who introduced resources and connections.
• Quote [45:06] Tonesa: “He was my friend... I wanted him to be on the level I was... I’m gonna help you become a millionaire.”
• She details the explosive growth of the organization once connected to bigger suppliers, with her playing a central, often under-recognized role.

6. BMF’s Rise, Excess, and Downfall

[49:39] – [57:36]

• The BMF’s infamy grew both for their drug empire and their public glamour (“writing it on their shirts and wearing T-shirts: ‘We are drug dealers’” [51:50]).
• Tonesa saw warning signs early—a lack of discretion, ego, and excess ("You're going to get me indicted!").
• Eventually, her oldest son and family members became involved, despite attempts to protect them.

7. Indictment, Betrayal, and Prison

[64:38] – [69:27]

• Tonesa received 57 months in federal prison; her son, 11 years; nephews, cousins, and Terry, even more (Terry got 30 years, later released).
• She describes prison as an isolating, transformative space—a “stripping down” to nothing, but also an opportunity for reflection and spiritual growth.
• A particularly brutal counselor compounded her suffering; nevertheless, she turned inward, seeking God and ultimately working in the prison chapel.
• Quote [65:55] “It was my time to reflect on how did I get here... Please help me. Why am I here? Please change me.”

8. Reckoning with Loss and Final Releases

[86:21] – [94:14]

• Heartbreakingly, Tonesa shares the loss of her middle son by suicide in 2023. Despite the family’s struggles, she recounts their final conversations and emphasizes the pain and complexity of loss—particularly when it comes unexpectedly and without warning.
• Quote [91:19] Her son: “Mommy, just go be happy. […] We all gonna be all right.”
• She finds comfort in knowing she had meaningful last moments with him and in her son’s wish for her to focus on her own happiness.

9. Redemption, Advocacy, and Owning Her Story

[94:14] – [96:33]

• Tonesa is now a prison reform advocate, working on expungements, helping women, and giving back to her community.
• She’s featured in her own film, "First Lady of BMF: The Tonesa Welch Story" on BET+ and is writing a book.
• Tonesa discusses how her work, rather than the glamorization of street tales, is about second chances, self-reinvention, survival, and helping others—especially women who may have walked similar paths.
• Quote [97:43] Tonesa: “It’s a cautionary story, and it’s also meant to be inspiring… hey, don’t think it’s glamorous… I was one of those chosen to say, hey, this don’t happen often.”

Notable and Memorable Moments

• Describing transformation at the Rooster Tail club:
  [06:05] “You went in as one person, but once the night ended, you came out as a different person.”
• On being groomed for street life:
  [10:05] “You think of grooming as a pimp grooming his… but maybe grooming for the lifestyle, yeah… I still had an innocence about me.”
• On finally fighting back against abuse:
  [17:18] “I had already put the knife under my pillow and I just waited… I really wanted to kill him. I was fed up.”
• Cycle of trauma and redemption:
  [63:56] H’s apology: “He said, I loved you so much… I grew up in it. My father did it to my mother, and I thought I was okay. Then it was the cycle that I did to you. And after I got that apology, it was just like, okay… it gave me the freedom to speak about it.”
• On advocacy:
  [93:12] “Just doing some amazing things, helping women, helping people… uplifting people, showing… giving them hope… you have to give up, you can just never know what can happen in your life.”
• On the myth v. reality of the BMF TV portrayal:
  [41:00] “Why couldn’t you, you know… if you didn’t want me involved in your story, I get that—don’t do me like that. Give me some type of respect. Because no matter what, when I tell my story and I talk about them, I give them respect… I wasn’t chasing this kid... I was already ‘the kid.'"

Important Timestamps

• [03:47] – Tonesa’s Detroit upbringing
• [06:05] – First transformative club experience (“revolving door” night)
• [10:05] – The concept of grooming for street life
• [14:09] – Her natural leadership and desire to “run things”
• [15:51] – Discussion of Harold’s abuse and toxic cycle
• [17:18] – The night she fought back and stabbed H
• [27:01] – Insight on her relationship with her fathers and trauma-bonding
• [34:21] – Expansion into wider criminal partnerships (meeting Terry and Meech)
• [45:06] – Tonesa helping Terry “become a millionaire”
• [51:50] – BMF’s over-the-top public persona and Tonesa’s warnings
• [64:38] – The indictments, sentences for the family
• [65:55] – The harshness and spiritual “stripping” of prison
• [86:21] – The heartbreaking loss of her son
• [93:12] – Her current advocacy and next steps

Conclusion

This is an episode about survival against the odds and the slow, painful process of self-discovery and transformation. Tonesa’s story, as recounted here, challenges the glamorized depictions of the BMF legacy. Instead, she offers hard-earned wisdom on love, violence, accountability, loss, and the hope for second acts—and openly grieves the tragedies that can’t be redeemed.

She ends by reinforcing her new mission: lifting up other women, making amends through advocacy, and telling her own truth on her terms—no longer as an accessory to someone else’s notoriety, but as the First Lady of her own life.

Where to Find Tonesa Welch

• Website: silentheart.org
• Social: @FirstLadyTonesa (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter)
• Film: First Lady of BMF: The Tonesa Welch Story (BET+)
• Book: Forthcoming (2026)

Final Words (Tonesa) [97:43]:
“This is a story that people need to watch. It’s a cautionary story, and it’s also meant to be inspiring. [...] Don’t think it’s glamorous… I was one of those chosen to say, hey, this don’t happen often.”