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Nikki Boyer
A quick note before we start, in case the title doesn't give it away, this podcast has a lot of frank talk about sex.
Molly
Remember when I sexted you? Yep, yep.
Nikki Boyer
Sure do.
Molly
Sure do. Actually, yeah.
Nikki Boyer
It wasn't on accident.
Molly
No. Well, I didn't have anyone else to send a picture to. I had just gotten a tattoo on my side of a quotation that I really like, and I just, you know, I wanted sort of that instant gratification of somebody to be like, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Nikki Boyer
When Molly was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer, it's like her creative side started to bloom. She was art directing herself in these provocative selfies and trying out a new set of lingerie for every shot. Old Molly was into men's boxers. New Molly had to buy an extra dresser just for bras and panties. And sometimes she just had to share. So you sent it to me.
Molly
So I sent her just a sexy picture of me in my underwear, which.
Nikki Boyer
Is super, super hot.
Molly
It's okay.
Nikki Boyer
I mean, it's beautiful.
Molly
Is it?
Nikki Boyer
But I actually thought you accidentally sextexted me. I was like, oh, she thinks I'm Tinder number 77. The selfies were all part of her mission to put herself back into the dating world. Although at that point, she had yet to meet an actual living, breathing guy.
Molly
I didn't have anybody really, like, in the pipeline that I was that excited about, and I just. So I sent it to you, and then I was immediately ashamed and embarrass. Like when you were like, did you just sex me? And I was like, oh, she's mad at me now that I sexed her.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, I was real mad.
Molly
I know.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Molly
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
For Molly, life had become a series of extremes. She was either dealing with doctors and the effects of cancer, or she was sexting and sending selfies to guys. There was no in between. There is either a text about how sick you are and what is going on with your health and what you're dealing with for the day, or it's a complete opposite type of text, which is totally sexual gratuitous out there. There's no in between with you, which I love. So when I see my phone go ding, and I see Molly, it's 50. 50. There's never a day where you're like, hey, going to Ralph's to pick up some soup. I never get a text message from you about the mundane. I gotta say, every text from Molly had a certain flair. She did have a degree in creative writing, after all. Plus, she's a ham. Well, we both are. We love to do this thing where we, like, read our text aloud in these melodramatic voices. Who should read which text, though? Should you read the sick person text or the sexy text?
Molly
No, I think you should read both because I want to see what it would be like if I cast you as me. Oh, what do you sound like? It's me. Go, go.
Nikki Boyer
Wait. Ready? Let's go.
Molly
Okay.
Nikki Boyer
You the director. I'm going to be sick Molly and Sexy Molly.
Molly
Okay. All right. Which one? Okay, let's do sick Molly first.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Molly
Okay, Go.
Nikki Boyer
Hey. I'm in the ER and my lung needs to be tapped. I've also lost the ability to move my neck. Why am I laughing? This is not funny. And sometimes our dark sense of humor comes out of nowhere.
Molly
Why is it funny? It is funny, though. There's something funny about it.
Nikki Boyer
I've also lost the ability to move my neck. I'm doing okay. Love you.
Molly
I don't know if it's because of the way you're playing it. It's so tragic, but it's hilarious.
Nikki Boyer
I mean, it's pretty tragic when your lung doesn't work and your neck doesn't work.
Molly
My dad, my lung never works. My lung hasn't worked for like two. But it is funny, though. I don't know why it's funny, but it's funny. Okay, go do the other one.
Nikki Boyer
Hey. I met a 25 year old on Tinder and going to let him come over to my house and worship my feet.
Molly
Yeah, see, that's not as funny. Why is that not as funny? That should be the thing that makes you laugh. And that's the thing that makes you go, aww, sad. You're 45. What are you doing? And that's the one that's like, tragic.
Nikki Boyer
I love how Molly was still able to laugh about sexting a 25 year old guy. But sexting was safe. She was hidden behind a screen, comfortable and in control. But Molly was not the kind of person who played it safe. You know I'm cold. You know it, don't you? From Wondry, I'm Nikki Boyer and this is Dying for sex. Episode 2 Adventures in Dating Culture evolves at the speed of light. Just like your financial needs. When it comes to your money, credit karma keeps you in the know and ahead of the game. You can count on credit karma to keep up with your financial needs. As they evolve, we'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track no matter where you are on your financial journey. Intuit Credit Karma, karma you can count on. Mochi Health is here to help you start your weight loss journey with caring, personalized support. Meet one on one with board certified obesity doctors and registered dietitians who truly listen and understand your unique needs. Eligible patients can access affordable GLP1 medications delivered right to their door each month. No insurance, no problem. Mochi Health accepts FSA and HSA, making care accessible and affordable. And with 24. 7 customer service, you'll never feel alone on your path to better health. Get started with Mochi Health today. Take the free quiz@joinmochi.com and use code AUDIO40 at checkout for $40 off your first month of membership. That's join mochi.com with promo code AUDIO40. You're kind of running this one a little more on the blue section. And if you need help, I'll jump in.
Molly
Please help, because I.
Nikki Boyer
Should we do the intro again or.
Molly
No, we'll figure it out. Go.
Nikki Boyer
You're listening to Dying for Sex where we talk about feeling alive, like, really alive in the terms of a terminal term. Okay, start over.
Molly
Let's start again. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Okay, here we go. Take three. You're listening to Dying for Sex where we talk about feeling alive, like, really alive in the face of a terminal diagnosis.
Molly
I'm Molly. I'm 44, and I have stage four breast cancer. Technically, I'm dying, but aren't we all?
Nikki Boyer
You're just dying a lot faster than most people.
Molly
True. I'm Nikki, My best friend in the world.
Nikki Boyer
We've known each other for like, what, 20 years? But in the last few, Molly has gone through a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.
Molly
Well, kind of. I mean, I got breast cancer and did all of the treatment for that. Bilateral mastectomy, chemo, what have you. Three years later, I got re diagnosed as terminal. I left my husband at 15 years and started started having sexual escapades to feel alive.
Nikki Boyer
These sex stories are so interesting that we had to make a podcast about it and about our friendship.
Molly
Yep, being sexual is the antithesis to death. Sex also makes me feel alive, and it's a great distraction for being sick.
Nikki Boyer
So welcome to Dying for sex. Okay, here we go, girl.
Molly
Yes, ma'am.
Nikki Boyer
How are you feeling? Good.
Molly
Actually, today I'm doing all right.
Nikki Boyer
You look good.
Molly
Thanks.
Nikki Boyer
Red lipstick. Like, it just like you could be real, real, real sick. And you wear red lipstick and you.
Scott
Look real, real, real good.
Nikki Boyer
Real, real good.
Molly
Yeah, totally.
Nikki Boyer
So health is okay.
Molly
Health is okay.
Nikki Boyer
Means something so different to you than it means to the average person.
Molly
This is true for me. Like, life sort of happens in between those moments where I'm crumpled up on the bathroom floor, which happens quite frequently.
Nikki Boyer
You know, Is that hard? Does that get exhausting for you?
Molly
Fuck yeah. It's really exhausting. But, you know, like, when I'm feeling good, and for me, feeling good is probably like, you know, I think about if like a 10 year old popped into my body, they'd be like, oh, my God, get me out of this thing. You know? So for me, feeling good is like, you know, it's not feeling good for most people, but for me it was like, I want to live really hard and I want to, like, I want to feel this body. Like, you know, and like, sex is one of those things where that's why we have. I mean, that's why we're here. Right?
Nikki Boyer
Right.
Molly
That's how we got here. And that's like one of the things you get to do because you have a body.
Nikki Boyer
Molly wanted to feel alive through sex and touch. But for that to happen, she'd have to get out of the virtual world and into the real one. We spent hours crafting the perfect Tinder profile. What would be your ad? Like, hey, guys, date me.
Molly
Well, if you're commitment phobic, I'm your girl. Because I probably won't be around that long, so you'll enjoy me while I'm here and then you can move on. It's true though, you know, that's. Yeah, I love it. If you have some weird, like, attachment style, though, I'm not your girl. You know, it's like, yeah, like, how long is forever?
Nikki Boyer
Let's discuss.
Molly
Yeah, exactly. My. Forever is a lot less time than anyone else's. Not anyone else's, but most everybody else's.
Nikki Boyer
So when Molly was actually ready for her first real date, I was her stylist. We went simple, but of course, sexy. Tight black jeans, a revealing tank top with the lacy bra showing through, lots of red lipstick, and a string of gold chains hanging right in between her cleavage. She looked hot, like the badass she is. This is the first time you, like.
Molly
Took it out into, like, into the real world.
Nikki Boyer
Into the real world.
Molly
So I was like. So I was kind of, like, not really sure what I was into. But anyway, so that week I had a whole bunch of dates. And the first date I had was downtown with a couple. I was like, yeah, you know, I'll try it. I'm not into women. Not into threesomes. I like watching them on pornhub.
Nikki Boyer
But, like, porn, but real life.
Molly
Fantastic. Whoa.
Nikki Boyer
What do you do with all that?
Molly
Yeah, I'm like, yeah, get out of my face. I don't want. I have one of those. I don't want that in my head. Right.
Nikki Boyer
So wait, so you're downtown?
Molly
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. So there was Molly at this dive bar, the kind of place that has karaoke on Tuesdays and sticky vinyl bar stools where you wouldn't dare ask for a basil martini. Although Molly didn't mind, since she didn't drink. So what happened?
Molly
I'm just not into them. I'm like, you know, I'm just like. And I'm disappointed because, like, I came all the way down there to, like, get kind of turned on, and I'm sitting there like, you're not at all. No. And they're nice. They're really nice. But I'm like, they're the kind of couple, like, to me, I just don't find them sexual. But they're talking about all the stuff that they do. And I'm like, really? You do? Okay, cool.
Nikki Boyer
I keep picturing my hometown dentist and his wife Carol Ann. You know, the kind of people who get home and take off their work khakis and put on their let's get loose jeans. But Molly had spent an hour on the 405 to have her first sexcapade. She wasn't about to give up.
Molly
So I got on Bumble in front of them, and I was like, man, you guys are making me so hot that I got. You know, And I'm not ready for, like, the whole threesome thing. So I'm gonna go ahead and just, like, find another date. And, like, you know, I'm gonna think about you guys when I'm like, you know, you gave them a gift. I did.
Nikki Boyer
They went home and had great sex with them.
Molly
I think they did. But in my head, I was like, I don't know how else to extricate myself, you know? So it was like, yeah.
Nikki Boyer
But Molly didn't extricate herself. At least not yet. She decided to go somewhere more private with Carol Anne.
Molly
Did I pulled her into the bathroom because I'd never kissed a woman before.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, I didn't. That.
Molly
No. So I was like, you know, And I said, show me your lingerie. And I showed her mine. And then I kissed her and I felt her boob. And it was like. Just wasn't sensual. Like, she didn't use tongue. I was like, how. How does, like, if it were sensual. I'd be. Maybe I would have like, meh.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Molly
You know, like I would have tried it. But yeah, it wasn't good.
Nikki Boyer
So anyway, like, what should I do now? It was 8:30 on a Tuesday night at a nearly empty dive bar downtown. Molly needed to get creative. So she turned to what she knew best. Online flirting and naked selfies. Hi, Molly. Hey. I know.
Scott
I want to make out with you.
Nikki Boyer
Already within 10 minutes she had another date.
Scott
Would you actually sneak out tonight?
Nikki Boyer
I love the idea of pretending we're.
Scott
Both breaking the rules.
Nikki Boyer
I'm open to it. So between the time that you ended, you made out with the girl in the bathroom, you came back to the bar, you were like, hey guys, I'm so turned on, I have to go. And before you got to where he was, you guys had exchanged naked photos?
Molly
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
How do you, how do you.
Molly
How it's marketing, you know, it's like this is what you're gonna get. You know, it's like you're fast. I am fast. I'm very fast. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Her date was a mechanic. Beefy guy, brown hair, very masculine.
Molly
So this guy, mechanic. So mechanic was like, worked at a really, really high end car place. It was like really nice stuff. Right. He was working on a celebrity's car. Who? I can't tell you. Come on, Molly, I'm not gonna tell you that. So I don't want to get anyone in trouble. You know, I'm private, so I'm so private that I'm like spreading my legs on a podcast. But so anyway, but that's me. I'll tell you anything about me, but I just, you know, I want to honor some of these people. Okay. So he was like, hey, do you want to come see all these fancy cars? And then I'll show you this person's car too.
Nikki Boyer
Who was the person?
Molly
I'm not telling you the damn person. But anyway, so we went and we made out in this celebrity's car that was in the shop.
Nikki Boyer
Wait, so his game was, hey, you wanna come over to my shop and make out in somebody else's car?
Molly
I don't even think it was a game. I think he was just really like he was here from some Ohio or something or he had just moved here to work on these cars. And he was cute, like the best kisser. We had nothing in common. We had nothing to talk about, but it was like literally to date is the best kisser. Really?
Nikki Boyer
What made it so good?
Molly
I don't know. He was really sensual and just, he.
Nikki Boyer
Knew how to work under the hood.
Molly
But all we did was make out like it was the hood action. No, it was like the 80s. We literally made out like we were kids in the 80s.
Nikki Boyer
In somebody else's car.
Molly
In somebody else's car.
Nikki Boyer
Did you touch his penis?
Molly
No. I mean, it was so innocent, but it was awesome.
Nikki Boyer
Can I ask you something?
Molly
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
So you're in the midst of making out with this guy who you have the good kissing chemistry.
Molly
Awesome. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
And it's getting intense. And you just left one crazy date and this is like your first week out and about. In those moments, do you ever stop and think about where you are in the cancer world? Like, does it ever hit you like a brick and go. Or when you're in that moment, do you just like forget about it and just plow forward and have a good time?
Molly
Well, it's different now, right? So like back then. Yeah, back then it was like the ultimate distraction. And I was like normal person. And now things get in the way. Like I get short of breath and I'm like, oh yeah, it's because I have cancer or you know what I mean? Like, did you ever see.
Nikki Boyer
Did you. So after the kissing, the making out, where did it go?
Molly
That's it. And then I left. And I think we connected again, like on Bumble. And we were like, hey, that was a good time. And he was like, yeah, that was great. But then we never saw each other.
Nikki Boyer
It was just what it was.
Molly
It just kind of was what it was. And we both have, I think, good feelings towards each other, but it never amounted to anything more than just that.
Nikki Boyer
That evening, Molly was expecting a raunchy three way on her first night out. Instead, she ended up making out with a mechanic in the backseat of a car. And she was perfectly fine with it. That was Molly's first experience dating in the real world. Post husband and post stage four breast cancer diagnosis. It was like going back to high school. But she was about to graduate to more grown up stuff.
Molly
Ladies, is everyone trying to fix their.
Nikki Boyer
Health concerns with unproven gummies and Trix?
Molly
Well, thank goodness Lo Libido has a.
Nikki Boyer
Real clinically proven treatment. Low libido can be so frustrating.
Molly
But there is a treatment called addi.
Nikki Boyer
ADDI is the first and only FDA approved pill proven to boost sexual desire in certain premenopausal women.
Molly
Isn't that great a clinically proven option for your low libido?
Nikki Boyer
That comes from a doctor, not a gas station. Learn more@addi.com and take charge of your.
Molly
Sexual health with a treatment that's backed by science.
Nikki Boyer
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Molly
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Nikki Boyer
Hey you sexy Molly.
Scott
I'd like to see you very soon.
Nikki Boyer
We might be able to arrange that. Once Molly had decided she wanted to meet real guys in the real world, she started lining up dates. And yes, these are real texts. I'm free later and then this weekend is pretty open. Every exchange with a new guy started with a flirty text. I almost sent you a pic this morning of My nightie. But it was way too forward to start with.
Scott
Okay, I'm officially turned on.
Nikki Boyer
And then some verbal foreplay. You seem like a really open and fun person. And if you're a good kisser, even better.
Molly
I already have a boner for no reason.
Nikki Boyer
And finally, the meetup.
Scott
You better shave your legs.
Nikki Boyer
Who said you're gonna see my legs? One of Molly's first dates was with a 20 something aspiring screenwriter. He had a Japanese car. His name, well, we're not using real names. People's privacy and all that. So let's call him. Let's just call him. What was the name of the car?
Molly
Toyota.
Nikki Boyer
Let's call him Toyota. The Toyota guy.
Molly
So Toyota guy and I met at the local Peasant, which was like this little bar really close to my house at the time.
Nikki Boyer
I love that bar.
Molly
It's cute, right?
Nikki Boyer
The local Peasant is this neighborhood pub. Think high ceilings, microbrews, a lot of millennials watching the flat screen tv and an easy walk from Molly's apartment. Over the months, Molly would meet a lot of guys there.
Molly
I would go in there with like, tons and tons of dates. And my favorite part about it was I would always sit at the bar and the bartender would always look through me like they didn't recognize me and ask me what I wanted. As if I weren't gonna ask for a club soda with lime again.
Nikki Boyer
Cause you don't drink.
Molly
Yeah, so it was like, you know, they always pretended they had no idea who I was.
Nikki Boyer
Do you think they thought maybe you were like a call girl?
Molly
I don't know. I really don't know.
Nikki Boyer
I love that he, like, had this respect, like a nod, like, hey, I'm not gonna out you. You've been here 17 times pretty much.
Molly
In the past, like, day. Yes. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Molly and Toyota guy started with small talk. He told her he just got back from Europe and he was making a short film. She told him she was recently divorced and loved living alone. You know, typical first date stuff.
Molly
He was cute and like, we would, you know, we were chatting and then things got a little handsy, you know, where there's like a hand, brushes a hand kind of by mistake, but not really. And then on the, on the leg, and then the legs touch.
Nikki Boyer
So far so good, right? But how do you move from casual conversation to casual sex?
Molly
And then it was like, you know, hey, well, you know, let's go home. I'm gonna go home, but I'll walk you to your car first. Oh, you know.
Nikki Boyer
And where were you guys, like, parked? He was Just parked on the street?
Molly
Yeah, so he was parked in, like, the Shishi neighborhood.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Molly
So we walked up, like, past Ventura, like, south a bit, and then down one of those blocks, and we got to his car, and it was kind of like, eh, why don't we just make out in your car? And I don't remember who offered it, but we kind of, like, understood that we were just gonna make out in his car.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Molly
You know, so I feel like we started in the front seat, but it was just not comfortable enough. So we kind of tumbled into the backseat, like, without leaving the car. We just kind of, like, rolled into the backseat and we were kissing. And I think my bra came off. I'm pretty sure it did.
Nikki Boyer
Wait, it just came off?
Molly
Like, just came off on its own. It was, like, amazing. I'm out of here. You're magician. I don't want to do this anymore. So, yeah, so it came and then. And then, you know, and then his dick came out. But I, like, I don't even remember. I don't remember. I think I touched it, but the pinky, like, I don't really. But it was so fast. Like, it was all like. And it was one of those, like.
Nikki Boyer
What is he doing? Like, set the scene. Like, what was he doing?
Molly
Like, he was on top of me, writhing around. And it was one of those, like, straight out of, like, one of those movies where, like, all of a sudden, like, he was young, but he wasn't that young. He was in his 20s, but it was like. It was one of those, like, you knew something was gonna happen, you know, and it was gonna happen sooner than either of us was prepared for it to happen.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my God. Did he just hit puberty?
Molly
Yeah, it was a little like. And so he's like. Cause I think I touched it with a hand, a finger, and that was too much. And he was like, ugh. And so. And so all of a sudden, his head is darting around and he's, like, looking around, looking around, trying to figure out, like, where he's going to come, because I don't. He doesn't want to come in the car or on his stuff or on his date. Like, and so, like, you know, so what he does is he opens the back of the back door and he, like, you know, jerks it into the really nicely manicured lawn. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Let me get this straight.
Molly
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
So he was so aroused, but he had the ability to, like, not jizz on you. Not jizz in the car. He opens the car door, jizzes on the lawn.
Molly
And then what?
Nikki Boyer
Like, do you just say, oh, is that good? Like, what do you say after that? I've never seen anybody open a car door and jizz.
Molly
So it really wouldn't have mattered what I said because at that point, his car alarm started going off really loud.
Nikki Boyer
No.
Molly
Yeah, yeah. So he's coming and the car alarm is like, woo, woo. In this, like, really posh, quiet neighborhood.
Nikki Boyer
That neighborhood is straight out of the Brady Bunch. Traditional ranch style houses, manicured lawns. You'd almost expect Mr. And Mrs. Brady to come running out in their bathrobes to see what the commotion was all about. Oh, my. I would have given anything to have been walking my dog on my bedroom.
Molly
I know, I know, I know.
Nikki Boyer
Molly was off and running. She had dates lined up for weeks. But I still had questions, like, what was it like for Toyota guy? What was he looking for? And what was the date with Molly like for him? What was it like to be on the other side of Molly's adventures in dating? I think we need to be like, hey, here's what's really going on. Will you be a guest on the podcast? I want to hear his version of the story and ask him questions.
Molly
I would love that. And I'm sure it would be super embarrassing for me, but I don't care.
Scott
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Really? You don't?
Molly
No. Why?
Nikki Boyer
No, I love that. Yeah, of course. I never thought he'd talk to me, but then he actually responded and after a few texts I called him, but I had no idea if he was going to pick up. Okay, I'm doing this. I'm so nervous. Why am I so nervous? Oh, my gosh.
Scott
Hello?
Nikki Boyer
Hi there. This is Nikki. I.
Scott
Hey.
Nikki Boyer
Hi. I'm the person that's been texting you in reference to my friend.
Scott
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Hi. Okay.
Scott
Hi.
Nikki Boyer
Hi. Okay, so thank you for picking up and. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Scott
I just want to make. I mean, you said Molly over the text. I was very confused, but, I mean, I was humoring it because it was funny, but I don't. Were you. You weren't referring to drugs, were you? I don't know.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my God. No, wait. Molly, the drug Molly. No, no, no, no.
Scott
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh. No, no. Her name is Molly. Oh, my gosh. You probably thought I was a crazy person.
Scott
Um, I mean, I want to use the word crazy.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Scott
But I was just. It was. Yeah, I just wasn't sure and I figured I'd. It was a weird way to ask for it, so I just figured I'd play Along.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh. Okay. Okay. Oh, God, I love this. Okay, thank you. And are you okay if we record this? Because we have a podcast that we're doing, and I would love to be able to include this. So are you okay if we record you sure.
Scott
We're already in. Let's do.
Molly
Let's.
Scott
Yeah, let's keep going.
Nikki Boyer
Now, I only have your phone number. I don't know your name or who you are. What should I call you?
Scott
Scott is fine.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Scott
Please. Yes. Cause. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Do you. When I say Molly, does that ring a bell? Do you remember Molly?
Scott
No.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. All right, let me tell. Short blonde hair. This might ring a bell. Literally, because your car alarm went off and the local peasant.
Scott
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
You remember. Oh, my gosh.
Scott
Yeah. This isn't. This isn't about. I mean, I don't. I don't have a kid, do I?
Nikki Boyer
There's no. There's no child involved here. I promise you.
Scott
Okay?
Nikki Boyer
I promise. Oh, my God. Your heart must be pounding. There's no kid. This is. Let me just kind of set this scene. Molly is my best friend, and she was going on some sexual adventures, and you were definitely part of that. And I would just like to talk to you about that and sort of go into all of this. So. Okay, so you remember Molly, and you remember the encounter that the two of you had.
Scott
So I know I met her on an app of some kind, but I don't remember which one.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Scott
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. But you guys did agree to meet, and you both met at this little bar down the street from her house called the Local Peasant.
Scott
Yes, it is tough to forget that evening.
Nikki Boyer
Why?
Scott
Because it's a silly story.
Nikki Boyer
Well, I know Molly's version of it, and I can't wait to hear what your version of it is.
Scott
I mean. I mean, it was. Yeah. Are you waiting for me to tell the story?
Nikki Boyer
Well, I kind of want to. Do you mind if we back up just a little bit? Because I kind of want to get to know you a little bit more in terms of, like, what. Where were you in your life in terms of, like, your journey and your dating life? Like, just give me an idea of where you were back then.
Scott
You know, I was. Guess you're in la. It's like, it's a very promiscuous and somewhat hedonist city, if you can. If you want to look at it that way. I always tell my friends that it's a playground. It's like everyone has, like, Peter Pan syndrome. It's hard to grow up, so you just kind of always want to go out and have a good time and have. And enjoy yourself and have good experiences with good people kind of thing.
Nikki Boyer
Right.
Scott
So I guess that's where I was at, I guess.
Nikki Boyer
Okay, so what were you looking for when you went, like, to meet Molly? Like, what was the hope?
Scott
Obviously, when you meet someone at a bar, it's like, you think about that. You're gonna go into that, thinking, like, are we gonna hook up? Who knows? Just. It could be, you know, just roll the dice. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
So when you guys met in person, what did you think of her? What was your first impression?
Scott
She was cute. She was petite, which is, like, attractive to me. I like girls like that, built like that. Yeah. It was just. I mean, obviously we meshed over text, and then we met in person, and then. Yeah, I really enjoyed chatting with her at the bar. I don't remember how long we were in the bar. Maybe like an hour, hour and a half. Not enough to, like, drink, to get drunk.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. You know she didn't drink. Right. She's like having a club soda with a lime.
Molly
How funny is that?
Scott
You know, I don't. I was complet over. I know that for a fact, though.
Nikki Boyer
Okay, so. So what did you guys talk about? What did you think of her? And. And when you were sitting with her?
Scott
I enjoyed her company. She's fun. She seemed that she really wanted to get to know me and just really enjoyed her time just being out. She asked questions. She really wanted to get to know me as a person. And I actually. I really appreciate that in people. When of anyone. It's just like trying to build a connection with someone again. It's tough. It's like you're. You know, I always say it's like you. Dating is like getting a stranger to trust you. And it. It is in the creepiest way.
Nikki Boyer
Was she a good listener?
Scott
You remember the people, for me, at least, when you remember the people who do listen well, because they. They exactly. Not exaggerate their body language, but they lean in and they don't, like, break eye contact. So it's just. It's very nice when you memorable when you meet people like that.
Nikki Boyer
Do you remember? Yeah. Do you remember feeling chemistry? Like, did you have that with her when you guys were talking?
Scott
It was a good. Yeah, we had a good time, a good chat. And that's always for me. It's like, if you can. If you can make me laugh. That goes a long way for me because I think. I think humor is so important in every. In every relationship. No, matter what it is.
Nikki Boyer
Okay, so walk me through what? Was the leaving the bar part of the plan, or were you planning on just, like, going separate ways or was there hopes for something to happen?
Scott
I don't remember why we left the bar, but I do remember I offered to give her a ride home.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Scott
I'm pretty sure I brought her to my car with the intention of going home with her. But we didn't get to the door.
Nikki Boyer
So what happened?
Scott
Oh, you know the answer to that.
Nikki Boyer
But I want to hear you. I want to hear your version of it.
Scott
Oh, my God. Well, is this the story? Is this story time now?
Nikki Boyer
It's story time now.
Scott
Oh, I love it.
Nikki Boyer
We are so ready.
Scott
Hold on. I'm parched. Let me take a sip of water for you.
Nikki Boyer
When Molly told me this story, I pegged Scott as a douchebag. Just a random tinder hookup who met my friend at a bar and jizzed all over some rich person's lawn. But there he was, this normal sounding guy who was happy to share with me, a total stranger, about one of the most embarrassing moments of his sexual life. Toyota guy Scott was not what I expected.
Molly
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Scott
So we leave the local peasant. I'm like a block, maybe a block and a half behind the local peasant. And this time the sun has gone down. I remember it is nighttime because I remember very well that the street lights were on because there was one over my car. That is important. So, yeah. So we leave the peasant, we walk back. It's night time. We walk to my car. Yeah, it's. What is it? 2013 Chevy Cruze. I hate Chevy cruises.
Nikki Boyer
It's a Chevy.
Scott
What'd you say?
Nikki Boyer
It's a Chevy.
Scott
It was. I think it was a Chevy. I think or I think?
Nikki Boyer
I think. I think it's a Toyota.
Scott
Oh, yeah, it was. No, because I remember I. Yep, Because I think I totaled it like a month later.
Nikki Boyer
Okay, so the Toyota.
Scott
No, it was. I think that was the last hurrah of the Toyota Corolla.
Nikki Boyer
Okay.
Scott
Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. So we go back to my car. I feel like, you know, all of this.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, no, no. I'm along for the ride.
Scott
Anyway, so we end up in my car. End up in the backseat of my car and start to have a good old time. We're making out, you know, it's getting fun. I remember that she was a good kisser. I do remember that. You know, you. Like I said, you remember. You remember the small. The little thing sometimes things that won't leave your mind. And then. Oh, yeah, we're getting into the climax of the story. So. Yeah, I'm. How explicit you want me to be?
Nikki Boyer
Go. Go for it.
Scott
Oh, good, good. Yeah. So we're fooling around. I don't get her shirt off, but we, you know, we have some fun over the clothes. And then she wants my pants off. As a gentleman, I oblige. And then. As she pulls them down. Yeah, as she pulls them down. And I don't know what came over me, but it's. It's happening. Can't stop it. Train's coming. So I remember verbatim, I look at her and I go, you shouldn't have done that. And then I decide to do something asinine, and I. And because I don't want to get ejaculate anywhere inside my car, I open the door and just, you know, roll over and ejaculate outside of my car as the car alarm goes off. I don't know why the car alarm would go off on my own car when I'm inside of it, but it did. And so it's going off, and I'm almost positive someone came out of a house. Yeah. And it was. I thought it was. I was laughing about it. I don't. Because I think everything's funny. I don't know if I think she thought it was amusing at this point, so.
Molly
Oh, my God, I love that you're telling the story. It's so great.
Scott
And scene. I don't know. But, yeah, that was the. Yeah. You know, it just happens.
Nikki Boyer
How did you feel after it happened? Like, what was the tone in the car? What'd you guys say?
Scott
The tone was really awkward. Yes. I'm embarrassed. I can only imagine what Molly's thinking. And she's like, what the fuck just happened? Because I have to, like, you know, close the door. Car alarm still won't go off. I have to, like, crawl up, like, with my pants or my ankles into the front seat, kind of just like, do something with the car to make it turn on. Eventually it did. And, yeah, if I remember correctly, I just sat there for a couple seconds in the backseat, like, well, this was weird.
Nikki Boyer
What was she doing?
Scott
I mean, there's not much to do. It's just. I mean, at that point, I mean, it probably was one of the best mood killers I've ever done. I don't know. Yeah, it was. It. It was just. I mean, obviously there was no going forward from this. It's done.
Molly
Right?
Scott
Unless you wait, like, 20 minutes. But we're not gonna wait 20 minutes.
Nikki Boyer
Right. So then how did you end the date? Like, what happened? How do you say goodbye for that?
Scott
I ended up driving her to her apartment.
Nikki Boyer
Okay, I didn't know that part.
Scott
Yeah, I pulled my pants up, you know. Yeah. And I'm. I'm. My mother raised me to be chivalrous, not to ejaculate, set up car doors, but sometimes I forget. But it's. You know, I was like, I'm gonna offer to drive her home because it's just, you know, it's the. It's. It is the. I don't know. It's the least I can do. And also probably the most I can do.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh. This is awesome. And then when you said goodbye, what, like, did you kiss her? Did you say, like, what did you.
Molly
What.
Nikki Boyer
What happened?
Scott
Like, I mean, at that point, I don't really. I. I don't rem. I think we kiss goodbye. I don't remember. You might know on your end. I don't remember. But, yeah, I. I don't know if we. I don't think we planned a second time, because after that, it's like, I'm a confident person, but when that happens, right, to anyone, even someone like me, it's like, welp, I don't know when or if I will see her again.
Nikki Boyer
Right. You guys actually did go back and forth a little bit after your date, which I thought was really kind of cute. Okay, that was by far the funniest thing that has ever happened on a first date.
Scott
Well, yeah, I can agree. It was kind of crazy. I hope that didn't turn you off.
Nikki Boyer
To nail down a second, though.
Scott
How many people have you told that story to?
Nikki Boyer
I just told my best friend you.
Scott
And I told two of my buddies they lost it. Maybe because I reenacted.
Nikki Boyer
You told her that you had told some of your friends the story and actually reenacted it for a couple of your friends.
Scott
Well, it was one of those stories where, like, it's absolutely ridiculous. But it's like, you gotta own it. Cause it's just so funny.
Nikki Boyer
Right?
Scott
It's a good story. I mean, to the point where, like, I even, like, wrote it in a script one time. But that's.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh.
Scott
Are you kidding me?
Nikki Boyer
You've written this story with Molly?
Scott
No, not with Molly. I. Every. All the names were changed. Just. Just the event. Because the event is too good to be shelved.
Nikki Boyer
Right? Right. It's got to live on. I mean, you can agree. I do agree. It's. Yeah.
Scott
One of my friends, I. One of my friends we were talking about actually the other day, and he goes, honestly, whenever I talk about you to someone, I always tell them that story. And I'm like, why? And I'm just like, they don't know me, but they know me now. And only that way. How is that a good impression?
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. This. I don't think I realized the ripple effect of this story. It's amazing how some stories live on long past the actual event, how they morph over time, take on a life of their own. New details emerge each time it's retold until it takes on an almost mythic status. The memory of a memory. But I would have never imagined in a million years that this would be one of those stories. Scott didn't even remember Molly's name. But the story lived on.
Scott
Story aside, when the dialogue fades away, it's when you think about it, you're left with just feelings. Because you have so many memories, it turns into feelings.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.
Scott
But I feel good when I think about it. And obviously I can have incidents where I feel bad, and that's not a good one. And I have no bad feelings toward that night. It feels good to try to think back on it.
Nikki Boyer
The story served a purpose for me and Molly, too. It let Molly live in the moment again. And it let me forget for a moment that my best friend was dying. When we laughed, it felt like everything was going to be okay. So I have a question for you. I just have an important question. Did Molly tell you that she was sick?
Scott
No.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. Do you. So she was. When she was meeting with you, she was sort of at the beginning of this journey for herself where she left her marriage and she was diagnosed with cancer. And she was on this sexual journey of exploring herself. And you were one of the first people that she decided to do that with.
Scott
Well, I'm glad that I set the bar so high.
Nikki Boyer
Right. So she actually she was feeling good when she saw you, but she actually was, you know, being. She was diagnosed as terminal, basically when this started, like, when she.
Scott
Before she saw me.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Scott
Oh, she was.
Nikki Boyer
And I just didn't know if she had told you anything about that or mentioned it to you.
Scott
I did not know that.
Nikki Boyer
Would you have approached the date differently if you would have known that?
Scott
It's one of those things where I. I don't think I would have. No, it's. No, it would have been one of those things. Honestly, I. It would have. It may have changed it in a sense of like, what the fuck are we doing at a bar? If your terminal. Let's do something more fun. Like, it's just. But it's. Then again, it's like, but that's her. If she were to tell me before we even met up, or if she dropped it at drinks, which she obviously didn't do either, but. Yeah, that would have changed things too. But in the flesh, I don't know, I probably would have been like, holy shit. Like.
Molly
Right.
Scott
Because you really can't say. I don't like it when people say. It's like. Like, I'm sorry for things. It's just like, I'm sorry because. What does that. I mean, you can say, apology accepted, and that just sounds weird. How do. You can't. There's no response to that. You're not going to make them better. It's just. It's just you can say, I'm sorry, but what are you sorry for? It's just. Yeah, but that's probably why she didn't tell me. Maybe because she's. I mean, the last thing I think she would want would be bring it up. And that's all we talk about. I feel like, you know, let's put. She said, I'm gonna put my diagnosis on pause and just enjoy the night for what it is.
Nikki Boyer
Right.
Scott
And then tomorrow I'll go back to it. But now I want to have a good time and not worry about what is to come.
Nikki Boyer
No, I get it. So what about your own journey now? Like, did you get what you wanted? Are you still online dating? Like, did you find your person?
Scott
No, I'm not. It's. You know, I've had girlfriends, I've dated. It's. But, yeah, I guess dating, which I'm not dating right now because I just don't. It's scary. No, it's fine. It's. Yeah, it's just I'm trying to do me stuff, and if that comes along, I'm not gonna shy away from it. I've grown. I'm not a boy anymore. I know, I know. I know. What the do's and don'ts of car ejaculate. I don't know what that means, but.
Nikki Boyer
I said, oh, my God, I love Scott. Thank you. Just thank you for picking up the phone. I'm so grateful.
Scott
Of course.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. All right, take care. All right, you too. Bye.
Scott
Bye.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. Hung up. Yeah, that was just. That was awesome. In another lifetime, I can actually picture Scott and Molly dating. Long term, they have a lot in common. Molly with her creative writing background, Scott with his screenplays, their silly sense of humor. I can picture them writing a rom com together, arguing about characters and toiling over plots, then taking a break at the local peasant and ordering club sodas for two. It's corny, I know.
Molly
Yeah. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Did you ever see him again?
Molly
No. He really wanted to, but, you know, I was, like, cycling through so many people at that time.
Scott
It was very fun to make out with you. You really like those deep kisses?
Nikki Boyer
Yes, I do. I really enjoyed you.
Scott
So am I coming over your way?
Molly
Hmm.
Nikki Boyer
Soon, I hope.
Molly
And I was like, you were busy. I was busy. I was busy. And that was enough. Like, how do you beat that?
Nikki Boyer
As for Molly's adventures in dating, her encounter with Scott was just the beginning.
Molly
I met this guy on Bumble. Basically, his thing is he likes to get kicked in the nuts really hard by a woman. That's his thing.
Nikki Boyer
How does that even work?
Molly
And he was like, yeah, there's certain ways to do it. And I was like, I want to teach me. Oh, my gosh. I'm Naomi. Yes, sensei. I want to kick you in the nuts.
Nikki Boyer
So that's on the next episode of Dying for Sex. Wondery is teaming up with Metavivor, an incredible charity that gives 100 of donations to metastatic breast cancer research. Join us by clicking the link in our show notes to learn more from Wonder. This is episode 2 of 6 of Dying for Sex, a story about what you do with the time you have left. If you'd like to help us spread the word, please give us a five star review and tell your friends to subscribe. We're available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Castbox, and every major listening app, as well as wondery.com. if you're listening on a smartphone, tap or swipe over the COVID art of this podcast. You'll find the episode notes and some offers from our sponsors. When you support our sponsors, you help us bring you our shows for free. Can't wait for more Dying for Sex well, you can listen to ad free right now on Wonder Plus. For a limited time we are offering a free week of Wondry Plus. All you have to do is go to wonder Wondery FM DFS dying for sex. Get it plus so that's Wondery FM DFSplus. You can also find the link in the episode notes this podcast was hosted by me, Nikki Boyer. Corey Moss and Brad Godfrid of Bold Soul Studios produce the podcast recordings. This episode was written by Laura Donna Palavotta and produced by Janine Cornello. Our Production coordinator is Britain Pearlman. Sound design by James Morgan Audio assistance by Sergio Enriquez and Marcelino Villalpando. Executive producers are myself, Stephanie Jens Marshall, Louis and Hernan Lopez. For Wondry, follow Dying for Sex on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. You can binge all episodes early and ad free right now on Wondry. Start your free trial of Wondry in the Wondry app, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Before you go, tell us about yourself@wondry.com survey every successful business starts with an.
Scott
Idea, and on the Best Idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments, like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired by a toilet seat cover. On the Best Idea yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with, and the bold risk takers made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best selling sandals since Jesus and made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention span. Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.
Host: Nikki Boyer
Author: Wondery
Release Date: February 12, 2020
Overview
In the second episode of Wondery's compelling series Dying For Sex, Nikki Boyer delves deeper into the vibrant and tumultuous dating life of her best friend, Molly, a 44-year-old woman grappling with a stage IV breast cancer diagnosis. This episode, titled "Adventures in Dating," explores Molly's bold decision to reinvigorate her life through a series of sexual escapades following her terminal diagnosis. As the episode unfolds, listeners are treated to a candid and humorous recounting of Molly's attempts to reconnect with her sexuality, culminating in a particularly memorable encounter with a man they refer to as "Scott" or the "Toyota Guy."
Timestamp: [00:00] – [07:06]
The episode opens with Molly and Nikki sharing a lighthearted moment about Molly's foray into sexting and provocative selfies. Molly explains her motivations:
"I wanted sort of that instant gratification of somebody to be like, ah, ah, ah, ah."
– Molly [00:22]
Nikki highlights the dramatic shift in Molly's lifestyle post-diagnosis, noting her transition from simple men's boxers to an expansive lingerie collection:
"Old Molly was into men's boxers. New Molly had to buy an extra dresser just for bras and panties."
– Nikki Boyer [00:35]
This transformation serves as a coping mechanism for Molly, enabling her to assert control and reclaim her sense of self in the face of her illness.
Timestamp: [08:15] – [15:19]
Molly discusses her strategic use of Tinder and Bumble, crafting the perfect profiles to attract potential partners. She acknowledges the duality of her texts—alternating between health updates and overtly sexual messages—with Nikki humorously pointing out the stark contrast:
"There's either a text about how sick you are... or it's a complete opposite type of text, which is totally sexual."
– Nikki Boyer [02:38]
Molly reminisces about her early dates, sharing anecdotes that blend humor with vulnerability. Her first real date involves spending an hour at a dive bar where she grapples with a couple she deems unworthy of her time, leading her to seek more private encounters.
Timestamp: [18:18] – [44:59]
One of the standout moments in this episode is Molly's encounter with Scott, known as the "Toyota Guy." Their first date at The Local Peasant—a neighborhood pub—sets the stage for an unforgettable experience. Molly describes their chemistry and the gradual progression from casual conversation to intimate moments inside Scott's car.
During the recounting, Nikki captures the humor and awkwardness of the situation:
"It was one of the most embarrassing moments of his sexual life."
– Nikki Boyer [39:23]
Molly narrates the climax of their date, where an unintended ejaculation occurs on the manicured lawn outside Scott's car as the car alarm blares:
"So what you say after that? I've never seen anybody open a car door and jizz."
– Nikki Boyer [23:18]
Scott's detailed and candid retelling adds depth to the story, highlighting the mutual embarrassment yet underlying fondness they share for the incident. Their interaction underscores the complexities of dating under extraordinary circumstances and the importance of humor in navigating such experiences.
Timestamp: [25:00] – [44:59]
Nikki initiates a phone call with Scott to gain his perspective on the infamous date. The conversation reveals Scott's own reflections and the impact of the event on his life. Scott candidly admits:
"I don't like it when people say. It's like, I'm sorry for things. It's just like, I'm sorry because. What does that mean?"
– Scott [42:00]
He elaborates on the awkward aftermath of the incident and his chivalrous gesture to drive Molly home despite the discomfort:
"I ended up driving her to her apartment... it's the least I can do."
– Scott [37:09]
Scott's openness and willingness to share his side of the story provide a balanced view of Molly's dating adventures, emphasizing mutual respect and the unpredictable nature of human connections.
Timestamp: [39:00] – [43:58]
Both Molly and Scott reflect on how the story has endured over time, becoming a legendary tale among their friends. Nikki muses on the mythic quality of their shared memory:
"It's amazing how some stories live on long past the actual event, how they morph over time, take on a life of their own."
– Nikki Boyer [39:48]
They discuss the emotional undertones of their experiences, recognizing that while the story is humorous, it also serves as a poignant reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing meaningful moments.
Timestamp: [44:00] – [45:18]
As the episode wraps up, Molly hints at future dating adventures, maintaining her characteristic blend of humor and resilience:
"I met this guy on Bumble. Basically, his thing is he likes to get kicked in the nuts really hard by a woman."
– Molly [45:27]
Nikki emphasizes the ongoing nature of Molly's journey, highlighting the balance between embracing pleasure and confronting mortality. The episode concludes with a teaser for future episodes, promising more stories that explore the intersection of love, sex, and the human spirit in the face of terminal illness.
Reclaiming Sexuality: Molly's proactive approach to her sexuality serves as a powerful tool for empowerment and self-expression amidst her battle with cancer.
Humor as Coping Mechanism: Both Molly and Scott utilize humor to navigate the awkwardness and emotional complexity of their experiences, highlighting its therapeutic value.
Memory and Storytelling: The enduring nature of Molly and Scott's shared story underscores the significance of storytelling in preserving and processing personal histories.
Human Connection: The episode emphasizes the importance of authentic connections and mutual respect, even in fleeting encounters.
Molly [00:22]: "I wanted sort of that instant gratification of somebody to be like, ah, ah, ah, ah."
Nikki Boyer [02:38]: "There's either a text about how sick you are... or it's a complete opposite type of text, which is totally sexual."
Scott [42:00]: "It's just you can say, I'm sorry, but what are you sorry for?"
Nikki Boyer [39:48]: "It's amazing how some stories live on long past the actual event, how they morph over time, take on a life of their own."
Episode 2 of Dying For Sex masterfully balances humor and poignancy, offering a nuanced exploration of Molly's quest to feel alive through intimate connections despite her terminal illness. Through candid storytelling and insightful conversations, Nikki Boyer sheds light on the resilience of the human spirit and the profound impact of genuine relationships. This episode not only entertains but also prompts listeners to reflect on their own lives, relationships, and the ways in which they navigate the complexities of love and loss.