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Nikki Boyer
Here's the thing about Dying for sex. It's a story about women, about friendship, about finding yourself, and about, you know, orgasms and grief and trying to reclaim your power one adventure at a time. So it almost feels like the men in this story could be side characters, you know, two dimensional, like so many female love interests end up being. But they're not. The guys on this show are weird and kind and vulnerable. And I got to talk to two of the incredible actors who made these guys real. First up, Rob Delaney. He plays Neighbor Guy. He's a comedian, actor, and best selling author known for co creating and starring in the critically acclaimed British sitcom Catastrophe. You might also know him from Deadpool vs. Wolverine or bad Monkey. Or maybe you know him from his online presence where he mixes offbeat, truly hilarious jokes with deep, disarming reflections on embracing life through heartbreak and healing. We talked about balancing funny and sad, finding incredible chemistry on set, and the allure of the male form.
Rob Delaney
We're not in the ancient Greek phase where a naked man's body was like a thing of magnificence. For whatever reason, naked men's bodies are funny now. And so. So it's easier to make people laugh if you're naked and doing something silly.
Nikki Boyer
After that, I chat with actor Jay Duplass. He plays Molly's husband Steve on the show. And from the moment that I met Jay, I just knew, like, I had this feeling. He has this energy. He's like the guy at the party who actually wants to hear about your weird dream. Yeah, that's him. We talked about all of it. Getting super vulnerable on set.
Jay Duplass
Someone was asking me the other day, like, how naked are you in this? And I'm like, very naked. And they were like, yay. And I was like, not my best work.
Nikki Boyer
Finding peace in the chaos of filming and what this story can teach us about death.
Jay Duplass
Was shepherding Molly's death something that made you more scared of dying or less scared of dying?
Nikki Boyer
And, well, I cry like four times. That's a good one.
Jay Duplass
I'm sorry.
Nikki Boyer
This is so fun. We're having such a funny conversation.
Jay Duplass
I know, it's a blast, right? Hilarious.
Rob Delaney
You know I'm cold. You know it, don't you?
Nikki Boyer
From Wondery. I'm Nikki Boyer and this is behind Dying for Sex, a series of interviews with the creators and cast of the new FX show, inspired by the podcast that I made with my best friend Molly. This is episode three. Rob Delaney and Jay Duplass, the men of Dying for Sex.
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Nikki Boyer
Hi. Rob Delaney.
Rob Delaney
Hi. Nikki Boyer.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, well, I'm just. I just want to dig right in because you and I have spoken before and we've had conversations, but I haven't really gotten to pick your brain about this project. How did this project even come to you?
Rob Delaney
Well, I'm at the point in my career where sometimes I get offered stuff, and this happened to be one that I was just offered. And so that was kind of shocking because everybody involved was so great and the story was so rich and wonderful and unique that this is easily the best job that just spends dropped at my feet. And I, like, I couldn't say yes fast enough. So that's how this happened.
Nikki Boyer
Why couldn't you say yes fast enough?
Rob Delaney
Well, the source material was remarkable and true, and I felt that I. I'd had life experiences that would allow me to sort of operate honestly in that realm. And then the creative team behind it was just bananas. So, you know, you met us more than halfway.
Nikki Boyer
Thanks for saying that.
Rob Delaney
And so, yeah, it just felt really special.
Jay Duplass
I don't know.
Rob Delaney
I can't kind of overstate that.
Nikki Boyer
So you get the script and you're reading through it, and you see your role is just neighbor guy.
Rob Delaney
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
When's the last time you played a role that was just neighbor guy or just guy at bar or.
Rob Delaney
One of the first things I ever did. The Upright Citizens Brigade. You know, the comedy group did an improvised movie, like, 15 years ago. Or probably more. And my title in that was Whipped Cream Ass Man. But usually my characters have names. And for those of us listening who aren't screenwriters and don't spend time reading scripts and stuff, frequently a character might be introduced, and in their first line of dialogue, it would be under the heading of Neighbor Guy. And then Neighbor Guy would be like, my name's Matt. And then subsequently he'd be called Matt, you know, but then not in this. Just eight episodes deep. What's this guy's name? Who knows?
Nikki Boyer
I loved. I actually loved that part of this because just so you know, when Molly and I would discuss her lovers, we gave them names, like, of course, you know, Sock on Wiener Guy or Neighbor Guy.
Rob Delaney
What I like about it, though, is that he very much does begin as Neighbor Guy. And while within the show, he certainly blossoms into a character who, you know, would have a name that Molly would know.
Nikki Boyer
Right.
Rob Delaney
But I like that he doesn't, because then he's just sort of this, like, concept, which is he starts as an annoying neighbor guy and then turns into something more wonderful just because Molly gives him attention. You know what I mean? He turns into a real boy.
Nikki Boyer
I think it's worth mentioning that your character doesn't technically exist in the podcast. I think you're kind of a combo of six or seven different men that she had things going on with. So you're like the combo plaid. You're like the buffet.
Rob Delaney
Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's good. In real life, I have roughly six to seven personalities. I unveil for my wife on a. It's sort of on a Russian roulette basis. It's like a revolver. Where's the bullet? Who am I getting tonight?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah. So I know that this role really involves a lot of vulnerability and a little bit of nakedness. So how did you feel about that? Like, what conversations did you have going into this project knowing that you'd be nudie?
Rob Delaney
I mean, I'm kind of one of those people who's like, I'll go pretty far to make people laugh, you know? And I wrote a show with Sharon Horgan called Catastrophe.
Nikki Boyer
That one of my favorites, by the way.
Rob Delaney
Thank you very much. And that had a lot of simulated sex in it and my butt. So I was not infrequently naked on that show, so I had practice in the simulated intimate arts, So I was fine with it, you know? And the good news is, is there's people doing stuff in the show that make what Neighbor Guy does look like, you know, checking your mailbox at the end of the driveway.
Nikki Boyer
I think it's interesting to call out a little bit of the emotional vulnerability in this show versus, say, the penis. Naked vulnerability.
Rob Delaney
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Is that as challenging for you, like, those kind of moments?
Rob Delaney
Well, that's more challenging because just being naked, for whatever reason, we're not in the ancient Greek phase where a naked man's body was, like, a thing of magnificence, for whatever reason, in our collective cultural relationship to bodies and sex and stuff. Naked men's bodies are funny now. And so it's easier to make people laugh if you're naked and doing something silly. So that's easy.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Rob Delaney
Harder for the emotional vulnerability because, you know, that's really uncomfortable and really raw and tender. So this show, while I really loved doing it and really grateful to be a part of it, you know, there was a lot of crying when the cameras weren't rolling.
Nikki Boyer
Right.
Rob Delaney
And there were times when you had to, like, emotionally budget yourself during difficult days of shooting.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Rob Delaney
It's really weird because I have had to simulate crying in jobs before where, like, you know, it doesn't look like I'm crying, you know, and on this, not necessary because it was so intense, you know.
Nikki Boyer
Is there a scene that comes up that brings up that feeling of being super challenging?
Rob Delaney
Oh, sure. I mean, shooting in the penultimate episode when Molly's in the hospital and we know she's gonna die was brutal, you know, really brutal. But it was also, like. It felt sacred.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh. Right.
Rob Delaney
It felt honest and beautiful and real.
Nikki Boyer
I mean, that's one of my favorite scenes in the whole series. It's. I felt like I didn't breathe the entire time I was watching it because it was. It was so beautiful for me to see. I also. This is based off of a real moment in Molly's life. But basically, it's the scene where Molly is in the hospital. Neighbor guy comes to visit, and then you are there for hours on end, and you are giving her the gift of affection and emotional love and sex and an orgasm. It was just so romantic and so vulnerable. It was the most beautiful love scene that I've seen in a while on television. And it took place in the most sterile, unromantic spot in the hospital bed.
Rob Delaney
But, you know, it kind of felt like you were. Honestly, it felt like you were in a lobby or the foyer of the afterlife, you know? Cause she's getting ready to move on. It was really. Yeah, it was crazy.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah. It felt like there was definitely something spiritual going on on that set.
Rob Delaney
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Tell me the things I don't know. Be the fly on the wall for me, because what was it like?
Rob Delaney
Well, this was being really lovingly crafted by everybody there.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Rob Delaney
Everybody wanted it to be the absolute best that it could possibly be. So before and after takes, I'm talking to Shannon and Liz, director and writer, producer, respectively. And then during takes, I'm opposite Michelle Williams.
Nikki Boyer
I mean, the chemistry that you have just by looking at each other across the elevator, across a bedroom, a hospital bed, wherever you guys are, what goes into that of creating chemistry with essentially someone that was a stranger not too long ago?
Rob Delaney
I'm really grateful Michelle and I hit it off. You know, we hadn't met before this, and so we got together and talked about the story and talked about ways to express it, and so we had a really good rapport and a slice of the pizza of her incredible talent is the generosity and the openness and the desire for you to do well, too. I mean, I'll say we've both dealt with real life stuff that is pretty heavy duty, and we were both able to be very sensitive to each other about that. So I guess we kind of maybe developed a color palette together that we're, you know. Like, if she would mix a blue, I'd be like, oh, I know that color. You know, and if I mixed a red, she'd be like, oof. Haven't seen that in a while. You know? Are you getting anything out of it? Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
The way you look at me when I give you exactly what you want, you look at me like you want me so much.
Rob Delaney
Can I just say that your eyes are mesmerizing. And I know that sucks to say out loud. I'm sorry, but they are. I do feel very grateful that Michelle and I were kind of able to hit the ground running. And then, you know, she has the career that she does and the reputation that she does because she does have an oceanic talent. And so I just try to be as emotionally naked and present as possible. Like, I want to work with very, very good actors because it makes it easier for me to just listen, to just truly be there. So Michelle Williams makes that very, very easy.
Nikki Boyer
Well, and I have to say, yes. I mean, she's just magic. And I have to say, I feel the same way about you. You are the safest, funniest place to land when an actress is doing something like that. How do you do that?
Rob Delaney
Oh, gosh.
Nikki Boyer
How do you show up in a way that makes people feel like that?
Rob Delaney
It's weird, because some years into my career, I'M now trying to just, like, strip away. Strip away. It's like, wait, don't you go to acting school to learn how to do an accent and put on a funny nose? And now I'm more about, like, get rid of all of that, everything that you can, so that people can be watching. Real questions dance across my eyes, or real hunger or curiosity or, you know, confusion into anger. Because you want to be watching people discover stuff in real time.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Rob Delaney
I would never go into a scene like a bull in a china shop. And here's how it's gonna go. I mean, also, coming from a comedy background and from writing with a partner and stuff, like, you really wanna be vulnerable and open so that you can be doing the stuff in real time and learning things and letting the audience see you learn things or be foiled or be whatever.
Nikki Boyer
You know, what was so interesting about Neighbor Guy is that a lot happens very quickly. We meet you eating a taco in the elevator, right? Making a disaster with so much sour cream, which looked actually delicious.
Rob Delaney
It was.
Nikki Boyer
Then you get reprimanded in the hallway for the trash situation. And then you masturbate through the wall together. And then she starts to yell at you and insults you. And then eventually it leads to you telling her that you want her to kick you in the dick. Talk to me about that, because I'm so interested in that, the unfolding of that.
Rob Delaney
So everything you've just said is 100% TR. And by the end of it, it's such a beautiful thing that they have. And it's such a testament to Liz and Kim that they could weave it in a way that all the craziness leads to such beautiful places and that it feels earned and organic and you believe it, you know.
Nikki Boyer
Have you ever been kicked in the dick in a movie or in real life?
Rob Delaney
I mean, in childhood, it happened. My kids will hit me with, like, a football. And then. That's not on purpose, I think, but not. No, I've never asked somebody to do it, and I don't personally. It's not on my list of secret desires.
Nikki Boyer
How did the two of you, you and Michelle, handle that? It was a dance, right? And turning that into something funny and then sexual and then funny again and then tragic.
Rob Delaney
I mean, I guess if you think about, like, if I'm thinking about my own sexual adventures, you know, you can, like, wear a lot of ha in a courtship. And then as you begin to get intimate, you know, when there can be, like, you know, like, oh, you try this approach. Oh, didn't land the way I wanted to. Oh, I'll try this. You know what I mean? So even within, like, say, a successful sexual experience, there can be aspects of frustration, of overreach, of embarrassment. So this was just more like, take stuff and just dial it up.
Nikki Boyer
I know you mentioned tears. Lots of tears. Just so you know, I was probably on the other side of the wall with you crying at different times because it was just such an emotional journey. How challenging was it to take on a project that grappled with a woman who is sort of confronting her own mortality?
Rob Delaney
Oh, it was really very difficult. And in fact, I had a little hiatus after shooting a bunch of stuff, and then I knew I had to go back into the hospital for my final scenes with Molly. And during that hiatus, I was really upset because I was like, I'm going to watch my friend Michelle, who I've been getting to know and work with and have a really wonderful time. I'm gonna watch her apply her formidable skills to a facsimile of dying again and again and again up close. And that's going to be really hard. And we know it's not real, but still, you're using parts of yourself that are very real. And if it's going to be any good, then you have to be willing to run the gamut of emotions, including getting hurt, you know, so it was really. There were aspects of it that were deeply unpleasant and required some detoxification from afterwards, for sure.
Nikki Boyer
How did you detox? What did you do? Did you just rest?
Rob Delaney
Swim, Rest, Run? Smell my children's heads?
Nikki Boyer
Yep.
Rob Delaney
Stuff like that I find very helpful. And talk about it. Be like, this was hard.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah. Would you ever do a role like this again?
Rob Delaney
Well, yeah, I would do something that required plumbing my own depth like this again, because it was so rewarding. I mean, you know, really, truly before this, I was like a guy who was brought in to make a scene funnier in a movie or something. You know what I mean? And so this is my first acting job where I was like, oh, man, it can be like this, you know?
Jay Duplass
Right.
Rob Delaney
So, yeah, this has spoiled me a bit. We'll see where it goes from here.
Nikki Boyer
But all right. Your character becomes a big part of Molly's journey of self discovery. And it's not really this typical romantic love story that we see played over and over again. How do you think that the relationship between your character and Molly challenges conventional ideas about love and intimacy?
Rob Delaney
Oh, it's a great question, you know, because they do or are forced to, even at this Incredibly fertile juncture of her life where she's getting ready to move on to the next realm. They do have to hold onto each other lightly in certain ways, which is to say, Neighbor Guy is well aware of the fact that Molly has other lovers. Molly is well aware of the fact that at least chronologically or real estate wise, she will have taken up a small portion of Neighbor Guy's life. Right. But with that and the fact that they allow that of each other and are accepting of it allows them to become extraordinarily close and share things together. And I guess through accepting that, then they are able to have the special thing that they have.
Nikki Boyer
What do you hope that people take away from watching this series?
Rob Delaney
If anybody watching this came away with it being like, I'm gonna die, and then really took that in and did things to acknowledge that even if they're already old, you know, and are like, fuck, I guess I am gonna die, and then just did some things a little bit differently. Be a little kinder, you know? I mean, like, for me, I've told, like, other straight dad friends that I love them since this more. I've been more vulnerable to them, really. If I've been afraid of something, I've spoken up about it. And, you know, usually a guy will be like, oh, my God, me too, you know? Or like, really? Cause I know a thing we could do to help with that, you know, so value your friendships and your relationship. Obviously, you know, if you have a partner that has primacy and you give that attention and the love that it needs, but also just friends, you know what I mean? Cause, like, the relationship between television, Molly and Nikki is so beautiful and offers so much, and I think could be a really wonderful template, you know what I mean? That type of relationship is probably more in reach to people than they might realize if they're willing to be truly vulnerable. So, yeah, vulnerability is a gift that you give people that you love. Be careful with it. Can't give it to everybody, you know what I mean? But if you know somebody who you think can handle it, then they can handle it and give them that gift and it will bear fruit.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, my gosh, I love that. I love that through this story about death, it's really teaching you how to live life and things to focus on about life. And that's what I hope people take away from this. I have to tell you, there are so many scenes that you have with Michelle that give me something that maybe I didn't get from Molly's story, like resolve in certain spots. Of her life. Like, there's a scene where you see her for the first time outside, and you say, oh, I haven't seen you in daylight, right? And then she falls and you call 911. And in the midst of that conversation, she says, I love you to you.
Rob Delaney
Oh, my God.
Nikki Boyer
And I was there on set that day, and I just remember I just was sobbing and sobbing, and I couldn't figure out, Rob, why I was so emotional. And I think because she didn't get that moment in her life, she got a lot of love, and a lot of people loved her. But that person that said, like, I'm here and I love you, I think that's why I feel oddly connected to you, because you helped. Like, a little bit of closure for myself of going, see? Like, it happened in a weird way. That's crazy.
Rob Delaney
Oh, my God, that's so fascinating. And thank you for telling me that. And isn't that wild? Because the people that we love, they're still with us. We don't know how, like, what you're describing that some sort of commune between you and Molly, you know, being facilitated by other people and speaks to the connected nature and how nothing ever is really gone, you know?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah. Ugh, Rob, I just want to hug your face off.
Rob Delaney
I'll hug your face.
Nikki Boyer
I just really appreciate you opening up your heart and cracking into your own grief and cracking into your own healing to bring neighbor guy into everyone's hearts. I think everybody's gonna secretly wish they had a neighbor guy.
Rob Delaney
Aw, that'd be kind of fun. Except he plays video games loud and he's a little messy, but other than that, a good guy and masturbates through.
Nikki Boyer
The wall, but other than that and leaves trash out.
Rob Delaney
Okay, he's not perfect.
Nikki Boyer
I mean, listen, you know what? This isn't actually sounding so good, so forget I said that. Oh, my gosh, Rob, thank you for your time, and thank you for bringing Molly's story to life. And I can't wait to see you.
Rob Delaney
Well, it's been a privilege. Thank you so much.
Nikki Boyer
Coming up, we get down and real. When I talk to Jay Duplass about finding the comedy and being a well intentioned, emotional bulldozer.
Jay Duplass
I was, like, just fully grounded in this, I think, very naive but very believing place that, like, I know how to keep this woman alive better than anybody here. And me, J. Duplass actually thinks he's right. Ladies, is everyone trying to fix their.
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Rob Delaney
Why are there ridges on Reese's peanut butter cups? Probably so they never slip from her hands. Could you imagine?
Nikki Boyer
I'd lose it.
Rob Delaney
Luckily, Reese has thought about that.
Nikki Boyer
Wonder what else they think about. Probably chocolate and peanut butter. You might know Jay Duplass from his role as Josh Pfefferman on Amazon's Transparent or from TV shows like Industry, the Chair and the Mindy Project. He's also written, directed, and produced acclaimed series like HBO's Togetherness and Somebody Somewhere, as well as films like Cyrus Jeff, who lives at home, and the soon to be released film the Baltimorans on the FX series. Jay plays Steve, Molly's husband. He's a fictional character who's been taking care of Molly so long, he thinks he's the expert on everything. But in real life, Jay's the kind of person who makes you want to hug him before the interview even starts.
Jay Duplass
Hi, buddy.
Nikki Boyer
Hey. I want to hug you.
Jay Duplass
Are you across town?
Nikki Boyer
I'm actually down in the desert.
Jay Duplass
Oh, nice.
Nikki Boyer
I know. I can't believe how busy you are right now. There's a lot going on. Isn't that how it always is, though, when it rains and pours?
Jay Duplass
Yeah. A year and a half ago, I was on the floor just looking for something to do. Now. Now I can barely breathe. But I'm not gonna complain about it.
Nikki Boyer
Because I know, Yeah, I get it.
Jay Duplass
I'm happy to be doing stuff. Doing stuff is super underrated.
Nikki Boyer
Well, thank you. Thanks for taking time to chat because obviously this is incredibly important to me, and I feel this with everyone that was involved, like a deep, deep, spiritual, heartfelt connection. So when I get to see your face, it just, I don't know, makes me happy. So thanks.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, me too.
Nikki Boyer
So in this series, Jay, you play Molly's husband, Steve.
Jay Duplass
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
Let's go back. How did the role come to you in the first place?
Jay Duplass
Yeah, this was, I think, a straight offer.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Jay Duplass
As it should be, from Liz Merriweather, the co creator. So that was enormous. I had heard of your podcast, and it was. There was lore, definitely, because, you know, the ladies in our friend groups and stuff, most of them had listened to it. And I have to say, you know, that was just the beginning. Everything that I stepped into, and every time I came closer to this job and got to New York and met you, and, you know, everything was just adding on to this feeling of, like, wow, this is actually something. This show is actually about something. This is what you're supposed to be doing. It just everything snowballed.
Nikki Boyer
I Love that. I am curious. I would love to know a little bit about your thoughts about the dynamic between Steve and Molly. Yeah, I know that Steve sees himself as a caretaker, but I think he's kind of clueless as to what she actually needs. Like, as an actor, how do you approach a role and not have judgment about the guy and the way he's unfolding as a human?
Jay Duplass
Well, I definitely had some judgment, you know, in the early days. You're reading the script and you're reading the story as an audience member would. And I have judgment. And I also laugh at him.
Nikki Boyer
Right, right.
Jay Duplass
I mean, he's more of a laugh at versus a laugh with. You know what I mean?
Nikki Boyer
That's true. That's funny. Yeah.
Jay Duplass
There's a big difference. But I can still love people that I laugh at. I think for me, too, it's just like, the closer that I get to shooting the thing, it moves away from, like, this external judgment and the internal locus of, like. Like, who is this guy and what is he trying to do? It's very easy for me to lock into a place where I love Michelle Williams and am trying to keep her alive. It starts with love, you know, it starts with, like, loving someone deeply and, you know, connecting to that love and connecting to that deep desire of wanting to keep someone alive that you love and then just, like, fully activating inside of the story, which is, like, the actions that he does to love her are super fucked up sometimes. But I loved everything about it. I loved that, like, he's fucking good at it, right? He actually is fucking good at it. I mean, there's a good chance that she's alive because of what a fucking nerd he is and how, you know, what a. Frankly, I know you're not supposed to use it, but he's kind of like a health Nazi, you know what I mean? And that's super funny. And my motivation in terms of being super bold and pushy was very much based in this fucking works. And I know what I'm talking about. And of course, that is completely disregarding her spirit and her sense of self and her sense of joy with whatever years she has remaining, whether they are 2 or 20. You know, that's not what.
Nikki Boyer
It's not yours to. He's my doctor.
Jay Duplass
Okay? I think we're still reeling from stage four of it all.
Nikki Boyer
Stop it. Stop it. It's my life. It's my death. It's mine.
Jay Duplass
Okay? So I was, like, just fully grounded in this, like, I think, very naive but very believing place that Like, I know how to keep this woman alive better than anybody here. And me, Jay Duplass actually thinks he's right. He's right about this. One little fact is that if. If everybody just did what Steve said, and including Nikki, including Molly, including, you know, nurses who, you know, we all have had those experience where you have a nurse and you're just like, I'm sorry, but this nurse will not do.
Nikki Boyer
This is so interesting. It's what makes Steve's character likable because it's based in love. And I love that you said that like, that's his love language.
Jay Duplass
Yeah. There's a ton of scenarios where we just hate Steve's guts the whole time. And I wanted everybody to hate Steve's guts and be crying for him at the same time because they understand that he so desperately is trying to keep his wife alive.
Nikki Boyer
And I think you nailed that.
Jay Duplass
Thank you.
Nikki Boyer
You brought the humanity that made that real. And I know that linking up with Michelle and like you said earlier, like, trying to save her, you tapped into that. What was it really like to work with her?
Jay Duplass
It was pretty wonderful. She's just very dropped in and very present and very. The thing, you know.
Nikki Boyer
What do you mean by that?
Jay Duplass
Well, what I would say is that for people who don't work on movie sets is they seem fun, but they're actually the most stressful environments in the world because you have a very limited amount of time to make lightning strike in a room and capture it on camera. It's weird. It's actually like living under imaginary circumstances in the most artificial environment you could possibly imagine, you know, because it's not just there's shit everywhere. It's literally like, outside of the shot that you see is fucking chaos.
Rob Delaney
There's like.
Jay Duplass
It kind of is grown men under couches with, like, a. With a microphone sticking up like a hard penis at your face. You know what I mean? There's, like, people running in the background like chickens with their heads cut off. There's, like, somebody's, like, walking in with, like, a birthday cake and hiding in the corner. You know what I mean? That is what is going on outside. Outside of the one shot that you have. And every minute costs thousands and thousands of dollars. And everyone is aware of it. Everybody's aware of it. And so when I say dropped in about Michelle is, like, she is able to, like, 100% maintain this character and maintain herself and tune out the fury of 120 people running in and out of this room and desperate to get their jobs right? Desperate not to fuck shit up. Desperate to move as fast as we can. And so, you know, when you create a company of actors who are fully committed to that moment and committed to just like staying inside this reality, you know, it's just you walk in the room and you're with Michelle and she's just there 100%. And so that. That's the first impression that I had of working with her. And it was immediately just like very, very comfortable. Shorthand, shorthand. I was just like, I've been with you for a long ass time and we have not done rehearsals.
Nikki Boyer
So I love this.
Jay Duplass
Super comfy, super, super comfy.
Nikki Boyer
Those are the moments where you're like, oh, you see why this relationship worked at one time. And it's really, really beautiful.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, that was so important to me because they've been together for a while, so there has to be love there and there has to be functionality there, you know? And that's what makes her departure that much more heartbreaking.
Unknown
I know.
Nikki Boyer
Can we talk about that scene?
Jay Duplass
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
Do you know what that is?
Jay Duplass
Me standing up totally naked.
Nikki Boyer
How do you know? It's one of my favorite scenes.
Jay Duplass
Oh, God.
Nikki Boyer
So Molly is going down on you and you start crying.
Jay Duplass
Because it might be the first cinematic crying mid blowjob scene of all time.
Nikki Boyer
But you're crying because you are sad because of her double mastectomy and the scars on her boobs. And you say that it's a lot of trauma. And yeah, that's true. It's my favorite scene because it's sexual, it's emotional, and it's completely ridiculous. I've watched that scene.
Rob Delaney
So good.
Nikki Boyer
But what kind of headspace were you in to pull a scene like that off that you know is funny, but you can't play any of the comedy. Cause it's trauma. It's not comedy. It's trauma.
Jay Duplass
You gotta go full trauma when you play this scene. You have to go full personal devastation. You know, and this is the thing about sex scenes that people don't realize is like they're choreographed like a stunt, like a fight scene in a stunt. So when you have two. Not to put myself in the same category as Michelle Williams, but the stylistically we are very naturalistic actors. We work on instinct and intuition. We don't like to talk about things a lot. We really like to just do it and feel it out. But when I'm totally naked and she is. Her face is in my crotch, you really have to talk about stuff. Because it didn't look realistic at first. Because I Think it was just we were probably being a little too careful with each other, you know?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Jay Duplass
I'm nervous. You know, it's like someone was asking me the other day, like, how naked are you in this? And I'm like, very naked. And they were like, yay. And I was like, not my best work. Know I'm 50 year old, man, you know, Like I. I'm not like thrilled with where my body's at right now. I'm just like the whole thing is very, very tense. And then, you know, I. I got to have the biggest emotional moment of. Of the whole show. For me, absolutely in that moment. So very. I'm just being really honest, like nervous is shit. Nervous as shit. Leading up to it, you know, just like hoping I don't fart with like Michelle's head around me. Just logistical shit like that, you know, like just. I mean, just super, super nervous. And I really want to get this moment right. Cause it's such a funny moment. But it's beautiful too. And yeah, it's all of it. So. It was all of it.
Nikki Boyer
I think it's really interesting because there is an intimacy coordinator and your director and your showrunners are working with you. I never worked with an intimacy coordinator. And it really is like a fight choreographer for sex and for intimacy scenes. Right.
Jay Duplass
And you know, really the trick for great intimacy coordinators are people who can be really clear and firm and clear about like Michelle, your head needs to be 2 inches to the left because we can see that Jay has a weird fig leaf over his junk. You know what I mean? Stuff like that, but not over talking it.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah. One thing that I really, really love about this show, Liz Kim, writers, actors, everybody involved in this part of it is that the male characters really could have just looked like a bunch of assholes.
Jay Duplass
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
And they're not. They're layered.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, you guys did us right in the way that most male filmmakers do women. Wrong. And yeah, I mean, just the parts for me and for Rob I thought were just so. They were complicated and complex and a lot of sides to them. Rob's character just could have been a nut job and my character just could have been an arch, overbearing husband. And you know, the fact that he was. My character was a soft boy, which is a term I learned in the UK a while back.
Nikki Boyer
A soft boy.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, a soft boy. You know, the performatively soft, but like really actually just a bulldozer. But like wants to be soft. Really wants to be a feminist and claims he's a Feminist, but doesn't know the fucking first thing about it. Including. First rule of male feminism is don't brag about your feminism.
Nikki Boyer
Which is one of the first things that Steve does.
Jay Duplass
Yes, he does. Yes. Not your call, bro.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, exactly. Oh, my gosh. I have to say, like, the moment that I met you on set, I was. I don't know, there was a familiarity. I was like, oh, he's one of my people. Like, I felt like I knew you for years. And I'm not gonna lie, it just. I mean, it just made me feel really comfortable on set. Cause I was, of course, having my own feelings and thoughts around things.
Jay Duplass
You know, you and I were, like, fast friends, like, from the first minute that we met, Right?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Jay Duplass
And what's super interesting is, you know, Jenny Slate plays you, your character in the movie. And Jenny and I have the exact same sort of trajectory, and we have this, like, super fun, buddy energy. That's just like, our energy where we can, like, switch from fart jokes to just, like, crying on the floor. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. There's just something. It's so cool to me that Jenny plays you, and I just. I have a very tight kinship with her that feels very similar to how I feel about you.
Nikki Boyer
Right. I felt meeting you and meeting Jenny and connecting with Michelle and having such great relationships on set made me feel so safe and so protected. And honestly, like, there was just a deep trust. And then meeting you just made it feel even better. And you being so good at your craft and so good at getting rid of the judgment and still being incredibly funny and likable, all while doing things that weren't serving Molly. It was so beautiful to watch, and I'm just really grateful for that. So thank you.
Jay Duplass
That's so nice. Thank you. I know. I'm gonna cry now, too.
Nikki Boyer
I just adore you.
Jay Duplass
Can I ask you a question?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, I would love to have you ask me something.
Jay Duplass
What was your hardest moment? Ooh, I'm just going straight to it.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. And then I'm gonna. And then I get to flip it on you.
Jay Duplass
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
Okay. I don't think you were here for this scene. There's a scene I'm already crying.
Jay Duplass
You haven't even said where.
Nikki Boyer
Right before Molly passes away, she has one last request to have a bath, and I got to be there. Claire, our intimacy coordinator, said, I feel like you should be here for this. And they allowed me to stay, which was so beautiful because I was there when I gave Molly her actual bath.
Jay Duplass
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
And that, to me, was the hardest scene to watch because it felt like they were just taking a sliver of. Of my life and, like, putting it out there. And it felt so vulnerable and so real. And it was just. That was my favorite. I loved it. I just.
Jay Duplass
Oh, I love that scene from the script. And that's part of what made me want to do the show. I mean, really, I just feel honored to be included in this piece of art. And, you know, you making sense of what you guys went through and being able to share it with everybody, you know?
Nikki Boyer
I love you for saying that. What was your favorite scene to shoot?
Jay Duplass
Looking back, I think the scene that was, like, most memorable for me to shoot was when she comes home to me, you know, she's got the diagnosis, it's on. The cancer is on again. And Steve is, like, full on Superman mode. He's chopping broccoli. It's chopping broccoli. She's drinking. What was the cola that we made that she's drinking?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, it was like squirt, but not.
Jay Duplass
The most atrocious thing. You can drink like this.
Nikki Boyer
And you were so mad, and I.
Jay Duplass
Was so mad at her, but I was letting her drink it. But I was just like, when that thing gets finished, everything changes, you know, Like, I'm gonna fill her belly with vegetables, the organic kind. So I'm just, like, going into mode. I'm chopping broccoli, and she's, like, high on squirt soda. And she basically, it's a seduction scene. And to me, that scene contains all of the elements of their relationship. Like, it's the whole arc of their relationship is in that scene where I'm going into activation mode, I'm gonna save her life. She's drinking something very inappropriate and trying to seduce me, and I'm fighting her to the death. And I was like, this scene contains all the elements of the love that they have, what they want from each other, the struggle that they have, and the failure that they're facing.
Nikki Boyer
Oh, I can't wait to watch that scene again.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, that scene's one of the most, I think, electric scenes I've ever heard.
Nikki Boyer
And that's what leads to the blowjob.
Jay Duplass
Yes, the trauma.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, that's a. Was there a scene that was just really hard to get right? Like, where you're like this. Like, you had to work it or just felt vulnerable, like, just hard to get right scene?
Jay Duplass
Yeah, I think the blowjob scene was super hard to get right. There were just so many freaking logistics about it not only was the blowjob really hard to shoot and coordinate, but it was like I was leading up to this huge emotional moment. Like, I had tears for days. I was like, it was all there. And, you know, due to the logistics, like, there was a moment where the scene was going on for a while, and I was just. You know, sometimes you kind of just like, start losing your mind. But, like, before we shot, Michelle just let me, like, hold onto her. And, I mean, you know, I'm gonna cry thinking about it, but. But she let me hold on to her. And then I just thought about you guys, and it was like, immediately I would go again. And we did so many takes like that, and it just kept coming and kept coming. And Michelle was really, you know, I mean, she was really generous because, like, you know, we're at odds in this scene. But, like, she. She. Michelle gave me, Jay, lots of love in between to recharge my battery so that I could come undone every time somebody's going to cry. I know. And that's the other thing about, like, when I say Michelle being dropped in.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Jay Duplass
That wasn't a question. That wasn't something I had to ask for. Like, her generosity towards me and, you know, helping me get through it. But, you know, I think I can't speak for her, but, like, I think we all felt it in different ways. You know, it's just like a very big team effort because everybody on this show is doing major fucking heavy lifting, you know, so, you know, just for all of us to be there for each other is just like, yeah, whatever you need, you know, let's make this work. Because, I mean, that's the thing is, like, this show's actually fucking about something, and that is incredibly rare. And so we're all in service of, you know, your story, you and Molly's story, and what we believe this story can do for other people. You know, it's just wild. It's interesting. Cause one of our friends just died of cancer, and she's, you know, 50. My wife's really close with her, and she's not gonna be able to watch the show for a while, you know, But I know that in, like, six months, this show's gonna be church for her, you know, it's gonna be, like, exactly what she needs. So I do. I just fucking, deeply, fundamentally believe in what we created. And it's just an honor to be a part of something that actually fucking matters in this world, you know?
Nikki Boyer
Yeah, I know.
Jay Duplass
I get it.
Nikki Boyer
I so get it. I'm really Sorry about your friend.
Jay Duplass
Thank you. Thank you.
Nikki Boyer
But I think Molly would really love to know somehow how that her story will become, like you said, church for people that are going through it.
Jay Duplass
100.
Nikki Boyer
Yeah.
Jay Duplass
And. And fun church, right?
Nikki Boyer
Like the cool church.
Jay Duplass
Fun, cool church. What was your favorite moment of the whole shoot?
Nikki Boyer
Oh, there's a. Like, right now, all of them flashing, flashing, flashing. There is a moment where nurse Amy, who is the hospice nurse, comes in and sits down and has a heart to heart with Molly's mom, Molly, and Nikki, and explains what is gonna happen and how beautiful a process it is to actually die and how the body knows exactly what to do. And she describes it with such humor and excitement that it's almost like a coach on the side. Like, this is how you die. And the exchange between Nurse Amy and everybody in the room is. I feel like that will be one of those changing moments for people. They'll say, oh, this is what we expect. Something that people tangibly take away and go, oh, I know more about death and about the process and also the gift. If you get to walk somebody home and they get to die in that way, what a beautiful gift that is. So, yeah, I can't wait for you to see it.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I can't wait. And I think you're right. I think that is, in terms of the largest culture changing moment of this show. I think that is fundamentally it, which is like, dying is actually a thing to do. It's not something that's happening to you if you can do it and if you can have the love and the support around you and make your own choices and, you know, it just. Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
I so agree. And I really hope this show does that for people and shows people like, we can talk about. It's the one thing we can all count on is that we're all gonna die. And if we're lucky enough, we get to say goodbye, we get to have moments. We get to do it where we can be thoughtful and graceful about it, which I'm so grateful that Molly got to do that.
Jay Duplass
Can I ask you a question? Another big one.
Nikki Boyer
Yes.
Jay Duplass
Was shepherding Molly's death something that made you more scared of dying or less scared of dying?
Nikki Boyer
That's a good one.
Jay Duplass
I'm sorry.
Nikki Boyer
This is so fun. We're having such a funny conversation.
Jay Duplass
I know. This is a blast, right?
Nikki Boyer
This is trauma. Yeah.
Jay Duplass
This is a fucking chuckle fest. You're welcome, everybody.
Nikki Boyer
It made me. It made me less afraid.
Jay Duplass
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
It made me feel more empowered with information. And I realized. I think this is what I realized, is, gosh, if we could all have a passing that looks and feels like that, and we should be so lucky. So you may as well have the conversations and prepare for that moment. And also, to be honest with you, Jay, when I was asleep next to Molly, I was fast asleep. And something flicked my fingers. So much so that I thought it was a nurse that was waking me up to tell me something.
Jay Duplass
Yes.
Nikki Boyer
And I wake up and no one is there except for Molly's mother asleep. And Molly is sedated. And there's. I woke up from something tapping my fingers. And that's when she took her last breath. Like, that shows me that there's something else at work here. And there's something else. So that makes me less afraid of dying.
Jay Duplass
Yeah, it's fucking cool. It's super, super cool.
Nikki Boyer
I cannot tell you how much I've loved this conversation.
Jay Duplass
Me too. This church. I'm having a great time. I mean, are you kidding? This is like the island of, like, connection and spirituality and giggles that I needed in the middle of this week.
Nikki Boyer
Good. I'm so glad.
Jay Duplass
Yeah.
Nikki Boyer
And Molly would have just loved you. So just thanks for being part of this.
Jay Duplass
Thank you for having me be a part of this. I'm beyond honored.
Nikki Boyer
All episodes of FX's limited series Dying for Sex are now streaming on Hulu from Wondery. This is a special episode of Dying for Sex hosted by me, Nikki Boyer. This episode was produced by Rachel Yong. Our senior producer is Lora Donna Palavotta. Senior managing producer is Lata Pandya. Managing producer is Heather Baloga. Sound design and mixing by James Morgan. Music supervisor is Scott Velasquez for Freeze on sync. Special thanks to Erin Hart at Wondry. Dying for Sex clips courtesy of FX and Hulu. Executive producers are Stephanie Jens Marshall, Louie and Jen Sargent for Wondery.
Unknown
As a contractor for the nsa, Edward Snowden had access to a range of top secret government programs. But as he learned more about these clandestine operations, he came to understand a devastating secret. The government was conducting mass surveillance on its own citizens. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of Wondry show American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history. Presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our latest series, whistleblower Edward Snowden changes the national conversation about privacy on the Internet as he risks his own freedom and his family's well being. Follow American Scandal on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to all episodes ad free and be the first to binge the newest season only on Wondery. You can join Wondery and the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Start your free trial today.
Dying For Sex: Rob Delaney and Jay Duplass - The Men of Dying for Sex | Episode 10
Release Date: April 23, 2025
In Episode 10 of Dying For Sex, hosted by Nikki Boyer, listeners are treated to an in-depth conversation with two remarkable actors: Rob Delaney and Jay Duplass. Both actors bring depth and nuance to their roles in the FX limited series adaptation of Dying For Sex. This episode delves into their experiences portraying complex characters, navigating emotionally charged scenes, and contributing to the show's exploration of themes like healing, vulnerability, and the intricacies of human relationships.
[04:23]
Nikki Boyer: "Hi. Rob Delaney."
Rob Delaney: "Hi. Nikki Boyer."
Joining the Conversation:
Rob Delaney, known for his work on Catastrophe and his unique blend of humor and heartfelt reflections, discusses how he came aboard the project. Excited by the rich and authentic source material, Rob was eager to contribute to a story that went beyond typical narratives.
Role as Neighbor Guy:
Rob elaborates on his character, Neighbor Guy, highlighting the intentional choice to keep his identity somewhat ambiguous to emphasize his transformation from a mere concept to a fully realized individual through Molly's interactions.
[06:02]
Nikki Boyer: "When's the last time you played a role that was just neighbor guy or just guy at bar or."
Rob Delaney: "Yeah. One of the first things I ever did... Usually my characters have names. And for those of us listening who aren't screenwriters... But then not in this. Just eight episodes deep. What's this guy's name? Who knows?"
Embracing Vulnerability:
Rob discusses the emotional challenges of portraying vulnerability, especially in scenes that juxtapose humor with raw emotion. He reflects on the intense moments during filming, particularly the penultimate episode where Molly faces her mortality.
[09:39]
Rob Delaney: "Harder for the emotional vulnerability because, you know, that's really uncomfortable and really raw and tender. So this show, while I really loved doing it and really grateful to be a part of it... there was a lot of crying when the cameras weren't rolling."
Memorable Scenes:
One standout moment Rob mentions is the hospital scene where Neighbor Guy offers Molly both physical and emotional support, blending romance with the stark reality of her condition.
[10:00] - [11:43]
Nikki Boyer: "That time Molly is in the hospital... giving her the gift of affection and emotional love and sex and an orgasm... the most beautiful love scene that I've seen in a while on television."
Creating Chemistry with Michelle Williams:
Rob emphasizes the importance of his rapport with co-star Michelle Williams, noting how their genuine connection enhanced their on-screen chemistry.
[12:09]
Rob Delaney: "I'm really grateful Michelle and I hit it off... we had a really good rapport... we were both able to be very sensitive to each other..."
Balancing Comedy and Trauma:
Rob shares insights into balancing comedic elements with the show's heavier themes, acknowledging the difficulty of maintaining humor without undermining the emotional weight of the story.
[16:34]
Rob Delaney: "Everything you've just said is 100% TR. And by the end of it, it's such a beautiful thing that they have... feels earned and organic and you believe it."
Personal Impact and Future Roles:
Reflecting on the profound impact of the role, Rob expresses a desire to continue taking on projects that delve deep into personal and emotional terrains.
[19:52]
Rob Delaney: "This has spoiled me a bit. We'll see where it goes from here."
[25:35]
Nikki Boyer: "Well, you might know Jay Duplass from his role as Josh Pfefferman on Amazon's Transparent or from TV shows like Industry, The Chair, and The Mindy Project."
Joining the Conversation:
Jay Duplass, acclaimed for his roles in Transparent and his work as a writer and director, shares his journey to the show. Inspired by the depth of Molly's story, Jay was drawn to the project’s authenticity and emotional resonance.
Role as Steve:
Jay delves into his character, Steve, Molly's husband, portraying him as a well-intentioned but often misguided caretaker. He discusses the complexities of playing a character who is both a source of support and, at times, unintentional frustration for Molly.
[31:06]
Nikki Boyer: "I would love to know a little bit about your thoughts about the dynamic between Steve and Molly... how do you approach a role and not have judgment about the guy and the way he's unfolding as a human?"
Jay Duplass: "I definitely had some judgment... But the closer that I get to shooting the thing, it moves away from, like, this external judgment and the internal locus of... who is this guy and what is he trying to do?"
Working with Michelle Williams:
Jay highlights the professionalism and dedication of Michelle Williams, praising her ability to remain fully present and committed despite the chaotic set environment.
[35:00] - [36:59]
Jay Duplass: "Michelle is able to, like, 100% maintain this character and maintain herself and tune out the fury of 120 people running in and out of this room..."
Balancing Humor and Emotion:
Jay discusses the delicate balance of infusing humor into emotionally charged scenes, particularly the challenging yet rewarding moments that required genuine emotional investment.
[37:21]
Jay Duplass: "The scene that was super hard to get right was the blowjob scene... really have to talk about stuff... super, super nervous."
Themes and Character Depth:
Emphasizing the layered portrayal of male characters, Jay appreciates how the show avoids stereotypical depictions, instead presenting men with complexity and humanity.
[40:46]
Jay Duplass: "You guys did us right in the way that most male filmmakers do women wrong... Rob's character just could have been a nut job and my character just could have been an arch, overbearing husband."
Personal Reflections and Impact:
Jay reflects on the show's broader impact, believing it serves as a healing tool for audiences grappling with grief and mortality. He shares personal anecdotes about the show's significance to those affected by loss.
[48:03]
Jay Duplass: "It's deeply, fundamentally believe in what we created... something that actually fucking matters in this world."
Both Rob and Jay provide candid insights into filming some of the most emotionally intense and intimate scenes in the series. They discuss the logistical challenges, the necessity of emotional authenticity, and the supportive environment that allowed them to explore their characters' depths safely.
[37:29]
Jay Duplass: "How do you know? It's one of my favorite scenes... sexual, it's emotional, and it's completely ridiculous."
[46:35]
Jay Duplass: "The blowjob scene was super hard to get right... Michelle let me hold on to her... kept coming and keep coming."
The episode underscores the show's exploration of vulnerability, love, and the human condition in the face of mortality. Rob and Jay discuss how Dying For Sex challenges conventional narratives around romantic relationships and intimacy, offering a fresh perspective that intertwines humor with profound emotional truths.
[20:42]
Rob Delaney: "They're forced to hold onto each other lightly... allows them to become extraordinarily close and share things together."
[52:21]
Nikki Boyer: "It made me feel more empowered with information... have the conversations and prepare for that moment."
Episode 10 of Dying For Sex offers a compelling look behind the scenes with Rob Delaney and Jay Duplass, revealing the dedication and emotional labor that brings the show’s characters to life. Through their heartfelt discussions, listeners gain a deeper appreciation for the show's delicate balance of humor and tragedy, as well as its meaningful exploration of what it means to live and love in the shadow of mortality. This episode not only highlights the talents of Rob and Jay but also reinforces the show's mission to inspire conversations about death, intimacy, and personal growth.
Notable Quotes:
Rob Delaney [01:18]: "We're not in the ancient Greek phase where a naked man's body was like a thing of magnificence. For whatever reason, naked men's bodies are funny now."
Jay Duplass [31:37]: "He's more of a laugh at versus a laugh with."
Nikki Boyer [21:36]: "Vulnerability is a gift that you give people that you love."
Jay Duplass [40:46]: "You guys did us right in the way that most male filmmakers do women wrong."
Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments and focuses solely on the substantive content of the interview between Nikki Boyer, Rob Delaney, and Jay Duplass.