Podcast Summary: "È solo sesso" – S3 E20: Test di coppia

Host: Valeria Montebello
Date: January 23, 2026
Podcast by: Chora Media

Overview:

This episode dives into the social media phenomenon of "couple tests"—quirky, sometimes absurd challenges circulating on TikTok and other platforms that partners use to assess each other's love and commitment. Host Valeria Montebello unpacks the psychology behind the Orange Test, Strawberry Test, and the culture of constantly putting relationships under scrutiny, especially among younger generations. Through humor and sharp observation, she explores why these rituals are so appealing and what they say about our craving for connection and reassurance in the era of swipe culture.

Key Discussion Points:

1. The Rise of "Couple Tests" Online

• Viral TikTok Challenges: Montebello opens with examples of relationship "tests" on TikTok. One standout involves a woman asking her boyfriend, “Preferiresti non avermi mai incontrato o uscire e tradirmi adesso?” The boyfriend’s baffled response strikes a chord with millions of viewers.
  • Quote: “Preferiresti non avermi mai incontrato o uscire e tradirmi adesso?” (00:40)
• Other playful but loaded questions:
  • Would you kiss someone else for ten million dollars or kiss me for ten?
  • Do you love me because I'm cute, or do you think I'm cute because you love me?
  • Would you be attracted to my identical twin sister if I had one?
• Observational humor: These tests are both an attempt to provoke, gather reassurance, and double influencer follower counts.

2. The "Orange Test" & Its Origins

• The Orange Test: If your partner gently peels you an orange and serves it, it’s "real love." If not, it's not love.
  • Quote: “Se il tuo partner sbuccia un’arancia e te la serve con gentilezza, allora il suo è amore vero. Se il tuo partner rifiuta, no.” (02:01)
• The Strawberry Field Test: If your partner would eat strawberries found in a random field, it guarantees infidelity—a metaphorical upgrade from the apple, a new temptation symbol.
• Rule 2-2-2: Go on a romantic date every 2 weeks, a getaway every 2 months, a vacation every 2 years—relationship success via "magia numerica della cabala."
• Origins: These rituals have roots in the concept of "bids for connection" by psychologist John Gottman (1990s).

3. The Psychology Behind Relationship Testing

• Gottman’s Theory: Little daily moments (bids for connection and their responses) build trust and relationship quality.
  • Quote: “Una relazione di qualità si costruisce sull’accumulo di questi piccoli momenti quotidiani che creano fiducia e senso di ascolto.” (04:01)
• Increased Anxiety in Modern Dating: The urge to test partners is especially strong among young women. TikTok: ‘Orange Test’ surpasses 8.7 million views, ‘Strawberry Test’ hits 17.3 million.
• Public Validation: What was once introspective (quiz for oneself) now happens in front of an audience for comment and judgment.
  • “La domanda che sembra essere posta sotto le sembianze di arance e fragole è... sei qui per me?” (05:00)

4. Avoidance and the Need for Confirmation

• Why We Create Tests:
  • Fear of rejection, abandonment, and a longing for reassurance.
  • Tests offer control over uncertainty without true vulnerability—“È protettivo, ma è anche una forma di evitamento che mantiene l’intimità a distanza.” (05:50)
• The Downside: Instead of communicating, these games perpetuate emotional distance. It can be more revealing—though uncomfortable—to directly ask, “Are you here for me?” than to orchestrate elaborate tests.

5. "Love Maps" and Real Relationship Knowledge

• Gottman's "Love Maps": Happy couples know detailed facts about each other—their worries, excitements, favorite foods.
  • “Quindi forse alcuni di questi test si basano in realtà su dove mi colloco nella tua mappa dell’amore?” (06:19)
• Millennials & Gen Z: Obsession with these tests reflects modern dating insecurities—echoed in Facebook groups like “Stiamo uscendo con lo stesso ragazzo” and the normalization of ghosting alongside “una buona dose di ansia sociale.”

6. The Social Reality of Modern Romance

• Riccardo Haupt (brief cameo): “In un periodo in cui non c’è più nessun copione romantico prestabilito...” (06:30)
• Montebello’s Reflection: The digital age replaces old romantic scripts with endless advice and rigid new rules. Anxiety prompts us to seek reassurance through fast, simple answers, yet real connection always requires risk.
  • Quote: “Dubitar delle intenzioni di qualcuno perché non ti ha sbucciato un’arancia non può essere un’alternativa a rischiare e vedere come vanno le cose.” (07:03)
  • “Sbuccarti l’arancia da sola è porno. Paragonare le tue simili a delle fragole… non porno.” (07:19)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments:

• [00:40] Valeria Montebello (on TikTok couple quizzes):
  “Preferiresti non avermi mai incontrato o uscire e tradirmi adesso?”
• [02:01] On the Orange Test:
  “Se il tuo partner sbuccia un’arancia e te la serve con gentilezza, allora il suo è amore vero. Se il tuo partner rifiuta, no.”
• [04:01] On Gottman:
  “Una relazione di qualità si costruisce sull’accumulo di questi piccoli momenti quotidiani che creano fiducia e senso di ascolto.”
• [05:00] On the deeper question:
  “La domanda che sembra essere posta sotto le sembianze di arance e fragole è... sei qui per me?”
• [05:50] On the protective but distancing nature of tests:
  “Quando mettiamo alla prova invece di comunicare, cerchiamo di controllare l’incertezza… È una forma di evitamento che mantiene l’intimità a distanza.”
• [07:03] On taking risks:
  “Dubitar delle intenzioni di qualcuno perché non ti ha sbucciato un’arancia non può essere un’alternativa a rischiare e vedere come vanno le cose.”

Timestamps for Essential Segments:

• [00:40] – TikTok couple questions & viral tests.
• [02:00] – The Orange Test and other trending rituals.
• [03:30] – John Gottman’s research and its influence.
• [05:00] – The real underlying question (“Sei qui per me?”).
• [05:50] – The psychology of relationship testing.
• [06:19] – Gottman's “love maps” and what really matters.
• [06:30] – Riccardo Haupt’s aside; loss of romantic scripts.
• [07:03] – Taking risks vs. seeking quick reassurances.

Tone & Style:

The tone is witty, playful, and self-aware, blending humor and irony (“Sbucciarti l’arancia da sola è porno.”) with insightful social criticism. Montebello moves seamlessly between sharp observation and heartfelt reflection, speaking directly to the lived anxieties and hopes of her audience.

In Summary:

This episode of "È solo sesso" offers a smart and entertaining take on why couple tests fascinate us, how they mirror our universal search for security in love, and why the most meaningful connections always involve risk, courage, and straightforward conversation—no TikTok challenge required.