Episode Summary: S3 E21 "Yearning" – È solo sesso

Host: Valeria Montebello
Date: 30 January 2026

Overview: Unpacking the Modern "Yearning"

In this reflective episode, Valeria Montebello explores the phenomenon of "yearning"—a deep, persistent kind of longing that pervades modern romantic and digital cultures. She investigates how stories, from TV series to TikTok, amplify our hunger for connection and how this yearning is increasingly stylized and performed rather than authentically felt. The discussion considers why contemporary adults are captivated by adolescent love stories, the rise of performative vulnerability online, and the challenge of re-engaging with real, transformative desire amid digital escapism.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

What Does "Yearning" Mean Today? ([00:30]–[02:20])

• Defining the 'Yerner': Montebello gently mocks and empathizes with people who crave deep connection, often feeling empty after casual encounters, unafraid of vulnerability, but also, self-ironic ("Sei un po' cretino").

  "Yearning significa struggimento, ma con un sottotesto più profondo, malinconico, viscerale. Non è solo amore o nostalgia. È qualcosa di più intimo e indefinibile."
  – Valeria Montebello [00:52]

• Content That Fuels the Hunger: Romantic TV shows (e.g., Bridgerton, One Day, The Summer I Turned Pretty) are highlighted as cultural phenomena that provoke intense longing in viewers, invoking emotional response across generations.

  • Notable anecdote: A middle-aged fan at a watch party describes women screaming for the character Conrad:

    “Sembrava la finale di campionato, ma invece di fanatici del calcio c’erano donne in menopausa che volevano farsi un adolescente."
    – Fan cinquantenne [02:11]

  • Montebello notes this as a "scossa per i nostri cervelli rettiliani," reigniting desire long buried by adult routines.

Fantasies vs. Adult Realism ([02:20]–[03:30])

• Contrast Between Generations: Montebello questions why grown-ups immerse themselves in adolescent love stories, suggesting adult versions are too realistic ("sedute di terapia") while teen stories allow for pure, irrational passion without the baggage of toxicity diagnoses ("nessuno è narcisista, evitante o insicuro").

  "Il mondo delle storie d’amore sullo schermo è un paradiso per nostalgici... Dove i personaggi possono... amare intensamente senza doversi chiedere se quella persona sia o meno tossica."
  – Valeria Montebello [02:44]

• Yearning as Escapism: Watching these dramas acts as a portal to forgotten adolescent feelings, offering catharsis and a vacation from adult skepticism.

Performative Yearning & Social Media ([03:31]–[05:35])

• Rise of "Desiderio Performativo":

  • The episode describes a shift from authentic longing to its staged and commodified expression online.

  "Il performative yearning è l’ennesima evoluzione del romanticismo digitale."
  – Valeria Montebello [03:51]

• Examples:

  • Viral sad playlists, TikTok videos of staged crying (often set to Lana Del Rey), and meme-ified heartbreak.
  • Notable quote from a college student:

    "A volte non so nemmeno se sono triste o se voglio solo postarlo."
    – Studentessa ventunenne [04:58]

  • The allure lies as much in being part of an aesthetic ("parte dell’atmosfera") than in actually experiencing the feeling.

• Collective Catharsis or Numbing?

  • Social platforms create safe, curated outlets for desire, providing the "thrill of heartbreak" minus real vulnerability. Montebello asks if we're dulling true emotions or simply finding new ways to collectively process them.

The Pandemic’s Long Shadow ([05:35]–[06:40])

• From Longing to Self-Sufficiency:
  • Referencing an online psychotherapist, Montebello reflects on how the pandemic intensified yearning for physical contact but also normalized solitude and self-sufficiency.
  • Adds that current times are "molto passivi, pieni di pagliativi", where global crises accentuate a pervasive sense of having lost something essential.

The Dual Nature and Potential of Desire ([06:40]–[08:30])

• Desire as Propulsive Force, Yet Dangerous if Stagnant:

  • Montebello reminds listeners that desire can motivate bold action ("comprare un biglietto per Parigi, baciare qualcuno per strada"), but if left to stagnate, leads to inertia and lost opportunities.

  "Per liberare il potenziale trasformativo del desiderio non possiamo limitarci a soffermarci all’infinito. Dobbiamo ritrovare il gusto dell’azione."
  – Valeria Montebello [08:10]

• Humor and Self-Irony:

  • In closing, she jokes: "Struggersi per una persona che sembra un personaggio di una serie TV romantica è porno. Struggersi per un banale coglione è non porno."

  – Valeria Montebello [08:29]

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On the cultural need for yearning:

  "Il desiderio è propulsivo, genera energia... Ma se lasciato ammarcire può portare una sorta di stasi che impedisce di godersi il tempo che si ha."
  – Valeria Montebello [07:55]

• On social media’s influence:

  "Non ci limitiamo più a provare emozioni, stilizziamo l’emozione fino a renderla degna di essere vista."
  – Valeria Montebello [04:35]

• On modern emotional distancing:

  "Online desideriamo ardentemente. Offline non ci soffermiamo abbastanza a lungo da provare davvero dolore."
  – Valeria Montebello [05:15]

Important Timestamps

• [00:30] – Defining the "yerner" and introduction to the concept of yearning
• [02:10] – Fan anecdote at the The Summer I Turned Pretty watch party
• [03:51] – Introduction of "performative yearning"
• [04:58] – College student quote on sadness and social sharing
• [05:15] – Online vs. offline emotional processing
• [08:10] – Call to reclaim the transformative power of desire
• [08:29] – Humorous closer on the difference between fantasy and reality in yearning

Tone & Language

Montebello’s approach is witty, self-aware, and lightly ironic—full of cultural references and relatable scenarios. She combines sharp sociological analysis with humor and empathy, making listeners reflect on their own experiences without judgment.

Conclusion

"Yearning" is reimagined through a 2026 lens: both a driver of individual hope and a collective spectacle, shaped by stories and screens. Montebello challenges us to recognize how performative longing may numb us to genuine connection—and encourages embracing actionable desire, not just its aesthetic.