My Favorite Color

Summary

Ear Hustle – “My Favorite Color” (April 1, 2026)

Podcast Summary

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Episode Overview

In this deeply moving episode, Ear Hustle explores the decades-long estrangement between D’Monica, a woman incarcerated at the California Institution for Women, and her father Ula (aka Damon), who is serving a life sentence at San Quentin. The episode traces their journeys—both individually and shared—through trauma, loss, choices, and eventual reconnection orchestrated by the Ear Hustle team. Centering on a groundbreaking video call between incarcerated family members, the episode offers a rare, raw, and hopeful look at how prison can sever family ties—and the painstaking work required to try to restore them.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions & Family Background

• D’Monica’s Life and Her Father’s Absence

  • D’Monica, now 30, has not seen her father in person for over 20 years due to incarceration.
  • Remembers witnessing police raids as a toddler; gang presence and parental absence normalized chaos.
  • “I cry. I sit to myself and I cry over my dad.” – D’Monica [02:14]
  • Her father, Ula/Damon, was a well-known figure in their community due to his gang activity and charisma.

• Father-Daughter Parallels and Patterns

  • Both D’Monica and Ula were drawn into “the life” from a young age, influenced by intergenerational crime, trauma, and community reputation.
  • D’Monica sought closeness to her father by emulating his path, even joining his gang:
    • “I would have risked it all just to be like my dad. Because I didn’t get a life with my dad.” – D’Monica [12:31]
  • Ula acknowledges the painful irony: “You being there is a result of me being a bad father and being neglectful.” – Ula [32:46]

2. Estrangement, Communication Barriers, and Misunderstandings

• Barriers to Contact

  • Incarcerated individuals cannot communicate with each other by phone; gang affiliation further restricts letter-writing.
  • Both missed years of potential connection due to family challenges, state custody, and bureaucracy.
  • D’Monica: “It was more so like he got put on a shelf.” [08:39]

• Misconceptions and Wishes

  • D’Monica thought her father would celebrate her toughness and criminal notoriety; in reality, he feared she’d follow his path:
    • “All my life, I’m thinking that he would glorify my actions and not be too concerned.” – D’Monica [14:33]
    • “He was more concerned about you getting life... not glorifying it.” – Earlonne [13:24]
  • D’Monica’s deepest wish: get to know her dad through simple, everyday conversation (“Simple things, like my favorite color or what I like to eat.” [21:26]).

3. Making the Video Call Happen—Behind the Scenes

• Unprecedented Logistics

  • Ear Hustle’s editorial team spends almost a year navigating California’s prison bureaucracy to arrange a sanctioned video call.
  • Multiple wardens, PIOs, and prison staff had to break precedent for this father-daughter call:
    • “As far as we know, this was the first time that an incarcerated father and daughter were able to get on a call like this.” – Earlonne [28:20]
  • Three Ps: “patience, politeness and persistence” [20:02]—the key to making the impossible happen.

• High-Stakes Emotion

  • Neither Ula nor D’Monica fully believed the call would happen until moments before.
  • The anticipation was overwhelming:
    • “I haven’t been able to sleep or eat for two days.” – D’Monica [26:52]
    • “I’m a ball of emotions right now.” – Ula [27:49]

4. The Video Call—A Historic Reunion ([31:05] onward)

• Awkward Beginnings Give Way to Authentic Connection

  • Both are deeply nervous, surrounded by staff and the podcast team, but quickly move to honest, vulnerable exchanges.
  • Ula immediately tries to open the floor:
    • “Ask me whatever you want to ask me. …I know that you being there is a result of me being a bad father.” – Ula [32:29]

• Long-Awaited Questions and Answers

  • D’Monica finally gets to share who she is:
    • “I like protein, but I keep getting buff. I look like a linebacker right now, but I like chicken and cheese. I love cheese.” [36:07]
    • “Pink. I love pink.” (on her favorite color) [37:06]
    • “I love music. I love cooking. I spend most of my days in my room chilling. I love school.” [37:07]

• Reflection on Choices, Love, and Identity

  • D’Monica unpacks loyalty, survival, and misunderstanding love:
    • “Every time I fight, I get this praise. …That’s not love. That’s people that really don’t care for me. …That’s how my flower got watered...” [34:12]
  • Ula expresses ongoing remorse and longing:
    • “I think about that constantly, like how you used to look at me… I want to know what you’re into.” [33:57, 35:51]

• Shared Imagining of the Future

  • D’Monica: “If you could spend a day with me outside of prison, what would we do?”
  • Ula: “I would spend probably [the] majority of that time just listening to you.” [37:33]
  • Both reminisce about going to the beach; D’Monica still goes there (in her mind) for comfort.

5. After the Call—Impact and Legacy

• Emotional Fallout and New Possibilities

  • Deep catharsis for all involved, including Ear Hustle’s hosts:
    • “I was teary eyed for real because it was so emotional... he was trying his best to get what, 20-something years of conversation into this one hour.” – Earlonne [39:13]
  • The call allowed Ula and D’Monica to subsequently get written communication approved by the state, a major milestone.

• Ripple Effects

  • The episode’s efforts inspired hope among other incarcerated people disconnected from loved ones.
    • “Everybody on the yard is more inspired that this could happen to them...” – Earlonne [41:29]
  • Ear Hustle underscores the power of persistence for small, deeply personal victories within massive systems.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I would have risked it all just to be like my dad. Because I didn’t get a life with my dad.” – D’Monica [12:31]
• “It's shocking to me that someone expressed that they cared about my life if I was to get a life sentence. That's foreign... It's a weird feeling. It's a good feeling, but it's a weird feeling.” – D’Monica [14:09]
• “Ask me whatever you want to ask me. ...Because I know that you being there is a result of me being a bad father and being neglectful.” – Ula [32:29]
• “I just felt like I had nobody to protect me but me.” – D’Monica [34:18]
• “Now you can communicate.” – Earlonne (on the achievement of approved letter-writing) [40:48]
• “It talks about the importance of making something happen for two people, and that’s huge... Spending a year making something really special happen for two people matters deeply.” – Nigel [41:09]
• “Here's to us continuing to try to open the door of communication in any way that we can.” – Nigel [41:49]

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Key Segments & Timestamps

| Time | Segment/Topic | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:14 | D’Monica introduction—childhood recollection, emotional opening | | 06:07 | Father’s arrest and the impact on D’Monica | | 09:46 | Hearing about her dad through street reputation | | 12:31 | D’Monica describes following his footsteps, desire for connection | | 13:42 | Consequences of poor communication—wish things had been different | | 14:09 | D’Monica’s surprise at her father’s love and concern | | 16:41 | Barriers to communication—prison rules, logistics | | 17:18–20:02| Ear Hustle team describes efforts, setbacks, breakthroughs | | 21:26 | D’Monica’s hopes for simple, human questions | | 26:52 | Pre-video call nerves and anticipation | | 28:20 | The historic significance of the planned call | | 31:03 | The video call begins—first words, awkwardness breaks | | 32:29 | Candid conversation: guilt, forgiveness, healing | | 36:07 | Favorite color, foods—getting to know each other again | | 38:33 | Call conclusion: “I love you”s and hope for more contact | | 39:13 | Host reactions and reflections on the experience | | 41:29 | Impact on prison community; inspiration for others |

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Tone & Language

• Candid, intimate, and emotionally charged, all the way from hesitant, joking banter to moments of tearful honesty.
• Ear Hustle’s trademark blend of empathy, hard truth, gallows humor, and hope underlines each exchange.

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Episode Takeaway

“My Favorite Color” is a testament to Ear Hustle’s ability to transform personal storytelling into meaningful action. By overcoming bureaucratic and cultural barriers, the team gives a father and daughter space to rediscover each other—demonstrating how even small moments of connection, hard-won, can echo with healing throughout families and entire incarcerated communities. The episode’s emotional resonance arises from the honesty and vulnerability of its participants, as well as the determination of those who fight to restore channels of love in the most unlikely settings.

Transcript

[Earlonne Woods]

Did you ever wonder what it's like to live alone, hidden in the woods, not speaking to a single soul for 30 years? Or wander the desert, uncover a hidden well and dive to the bottom of the deepest water hole for 2,000 miles? The snapdraget podcast takes you there with amazing stories told by the people who live them with an original soundscape that drops you directly into their sho. Snap judgment. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Before we get started, we want to make sure you know about all of our upcoming live shows because those east

[Nigel Poor]

coast tickets just went on sale.

[Earlonne Woods]

But first, we've got a big show on April 11th in San Francisco at the ACT Tony Rimbate Theater, Earlonne.

[Nigel Poor]

I'm super excited about that one. I mean, it's basically our hometown, right?

[Earlonne Woods]

Yes, yes.

[Nigel Poor]

Then coming up in May, we're gonna

[Earlonne Woods]

be in Baltimore, Philadelphia, Brooklyn and Northampton, Massachusetts.

[Nigel Poor]

And I'm gonna add this. I just heard the tickets for that show are going really quickly.

[Earlonne Woods]

Of course you're from there.

[Nigel Poor]

Dates and tickets are on our website, earhustlesq.com tour.

[Earlonne Woods]

Come check us out.

[Nigel Poor]

And I am going to say this. Buy them on our website because I have heard of people getting scammed.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yeah, it's not just scammed, it's just the markup is hella.

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah, exactly. Yep.

[Earlonne Woods]

So we want y' all to keep it as cheap as possible.

[Nigel Poor]

Go to our website.

[Earlonne Woods]

It's going to be a dope ass show.

[Nigel Poor]

It's going to be great.

[Earlonne Woods]

This is Mysore Abdul with Healing Rhythms, Chief of West African Drum in the prison. Top Bingham Nan Koi Top Ear Hustle. The following episode of Ear Hustle contains language and content that may not be appropriate for all listeners. This question is advice. What are some things that would surprise your dad about you?

[D' Monica]

I'm really funny. People always tell me I'm a comedian. I think that I know everything. So I think that I'm always right and I'm not most of the time, but I'm so stubborn that I have to be right. I do not like math. My dad used to try to get us to do math. I don't like it. I love clothes. I absolutely love cheese. I love to read and I love to swim. He probably thinks I don't care too much, but I do. You know, I still. I cry. I sit to myself and I cry over my dad.

[Nigel Poor]

This is D'. Monica. She's 30 years old and this was our first time meeting her. But e, you and her dad go way back?

[Earlonne Woods]

Yeah, yeah. We served time together in San Quentin

[Nigel Poor]

d' Monica actually hasn't seen her dad in person like over 20 years. But recently she caught a glimpse of him in a photograph in the San Quentin News. And the San Quentin News is a newspaper that's produced in inside the media lab and Earlonne. Right. It's distributed inside and outside of prison.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yep. How is it when you see him

[D' Monica]

in the newspaper, like what? The first time I seen him in a newspaper was last year. I cried. I was like, oh my goodness.

[Nigel Poor]

By chance you just happened to see him in the paper?

[D' Monica]

Yeah, I was just looking at the paper now I look for him in the paper. He's the only reason why I look at the paper now. To catch glimpses of that must have been shocking. Yeah, I was like, oh my goodness, he's old.

[Nigel Poor]

Dahmonica and her dad were really close when Dahmonica was a kid, but they haven't seen each other in more than 20 years. So how do you, or really even can you pick up a relationship when so much time has passed?

[Earlonne Woods]

Today on the show, the story of d' Monica and her pops, Ula. I'm Earlonne Woods.

[Nigel Poor]

I'm Nigel Poor and this is ear hustle from PRX's Radiotopia. Earlonne, you've known Ula since you were both at San Quentin together?

[Earlonne Woods]

Yep.

[Nigel Poor]

How would you describe his personality?

[Earlonne Woods]

I would say this. He's very intelligent.

[Nigel Poor]

Uh huh.

[Earlonne Woods]

And he loves to debate. Okay. I don't care what it is, he's debating it.

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah. I'm gonna go a little further and say he's got a pretty big personality.

[Earlonne Woods]

Okay.

[Nigel Poor]

Right, yeah, yeah. And he is intelligent and yes, he likes to share his knowledge.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yes.

[Nigel Poor]

So when we met Di Monica, we asked her to describe her dad's personality to us.

[D' Monica]

I think he's big headed and he's in love with himself. He thinks he's really smooth and cool.

[Nigel Poor]

I definitely think you have his personality down. That is definitely what he's like.

[D' Monica]

Yeah. Big headed, think he's smooth. Yeah, I could kind of tell.

[Earlonne Woods]

Ula and Damonica are from the Inland Empire, AKA the ie, which is San Bernardino Indio, you know that area. And when Demonica was a kid, Ula was in the streets, gang banging, slanging drugs, you know, into crime.

[D' Monica]

I can literally remember getting raided at three years old. It was scary cause first thing when the police pull up, the adults turn all the lights off. They all hiding. So now me and my brother trying to find the hiding spot. We trying to hide in the drawer. We were trying to hide in the Closet. We're babies, but we're trying to hide. That was normal to me. Those raids were normal. Like seeing the police kicking the door, that was normal. I didn't think there was nothing wrong with it. I thought this was just normal.

[Nigel Poor]

When Demonica was six, her dad was arrested.

[Earlonne Woods]

He received a sentence of over 100 years. How was it when he stopped coming around, did you understand where he was at?

[D' Monica]

I knew because I was a nosy kid. They would say he was at school, but I would be listening. I would say. I'd be ear hustling, actually. I knew that he was in jail, and I knew because of how my mom was emotionally, that he was not coming home. I knew as a kid, they might not have told me, but I understood. When he left, that was a big hole in my heart, and it still hasn't been filled. I can't say that nobody's ever loved

[Nigel Poor]

me like my dad has.

[Earlonne Woods]

Mm. I'm definitely saying, yeah, he love his daughter. That's what he do. Nigel, I don't know if you know this, but Ula is not his name.

[Nigel Poor]

I didn't know that, actually.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yeah, his name is actually Damon, but he don't use that name because everybody know him as Ula.

[D' Monica]

Right.

[Earlonne Woods]

And his daughter is actually named after him.

[Nigel Poor]

Got it.

[Earlonne Woods]

Because her name is Damonica. And I know that she's very close to his heart. Like, you know, any father that's locked up in their child is out there. So tell me, what are the tears? It's just emotional.

[D' Monica]

I get like this every time I talk about my dad.

[Earlonne Woods]

Do we have any?

[Nigel Poor]

Do we have any?

[Earlonne Woods]

She's like, yeah, we do.

[D' Monica]

Thank you.

[Nigel Poor]

Well, after he left, how long was it before you heard from him again?

[D' Monica]

I know it was years. There's been times where I didn't talk to him for maybe a year to two years at a time.

[Earlonne Woods]

Was it your choice, or it was just that he just couldn't?

[D' Monica]

No, it wasn't my choice. I've been to foster care, and my mom, she's better now, but she had an addiction, so I don't think that was her main priority. And it wasn't my dad's family main priority either, to keep us in contact with him. It was more so like he's in prison. It is what it is, you know, kind of like he got put on a shelf.

[Earlonne Woods]

I get the sense that d' Monica and her siblings didn't have a lot of guidance.

[D' Monica]

If I was at my dad's mom house, sometimes we didn't come in till

[Earlonne Woods]

the morning time when you was 7

[D' Monica]

and 8, that young, and what would you be doing? We would be at the park at night. We would be outside. Lord Jesus. We'd be playing Ding Dong Ditch. We were bad kids. We were terrible.

[Nigel Poor]

So it just sounds like every adult in your life, they just had their own.

[D' Monica]

Yeah, they had a lot going on. Yeah, they had a lot going on.

[Earlonne Woods]

Even after her dad went to prison, Dahmonica kept hearing about him. His reputation preceded him. He was in the streets. He was the man, you know, and people talked about him like war stories. And since Dahmonica didn't get to see him, these stories was all she had.

[Nigel Poor]

And as d' Monica got older, she looked for ways to be close to him. And, you know, she sort of used kid logic. She thought if she took the same path as her dad did, it would bring them closer.

[D' Monica]

When I went to the streets, it was, oh, he did this. He was this. Your dad was this. Your dad did that. I loved hearing about him. I wanted to take every route that he took to be closer to him. If it was going around people who glorified the things that he did, even glorifying his prison sentence, that's who I was around to hear about him.

[Ula (Damon)]

At one time, I had maybe 16 people that was up under me. So I had this reputation. I have all these people that follow me and all these people that depend on me to make a decision for what's right for the set.

[Earlonne Woods]

That was Ula Da Monica's dad. He's still incarcerated at San Quentin.

[Nigel Poor]

And just like d', Monica, Ula grew up with parents who were in the life. His mom was a drug dealer.

[Ula (Damon)]

When I was maybe about, like, 11 years old, when she couldn't get up to go to the door to serve the next customer, I would take it upon myself to do it for her. And I thought that it was a good thing that I was doing, because it's like, oh, she's sleeping. She's been up all night. So at least when she wake up, she'll see there's money in the drawer, product is gone. She'll be proud of that. That was how I came into my little ways of dealing drugs and dealing with people. I think I passed a lot of that on to my daughter.

[Earlonne Woods]

While Ula was in prison, he'd get word from the streets about how his daughter had joined the same gang he'd been in and was rising through the ranks.

[Ula (Damon)]

I was starting to hear little stuff like d', Monica, you know, she's just like, you like? She addresses everything just like you. You know what I mean? Instead of talk, she'd rather fight. I think maybe by the age of 16, just like me, she had people that was already following her. I think she had already had somebody that was claiming her name.

[Nigel Poor]

What does that mean, that people were claiming her name?

[Earlonne Woods]

That mean that, you know, you have such a respect that say, for instance, your name is Nyge and you from Hunter's Point. Right. Then somebody that respect you so much, they want to be Little Nige. Oh, so now this person is claiming your name because of the respect that you done made in the streets.

[Nigel Poor]

Why were you little emac.

[Earlonne Woods]

It was a guy that was older than me.

[Nigel Poor]

Oh, got it.

[D' Monica]

The more I acted in violence, the more my dad name got brought up. Like, you're his twin. You just like him. So I fed off of that.

[Earlonne Woods]

And how far was you willing to go?

[D' Monica]

I hate to say it. Who I am today is not who I was then, but I can be honest. I would have risked it all just to be like my dad. Because I didn't get a life with my dad.

[Nigel Poor]

D' Monica really did follow in her dad's footsteps. In 2018, she was arrested for her involvement in a shooting.

[Earlonne Woods]

And I remember the day she was arrested. I was walking across the basketball court, and Ula was sitting on the ground by the court, and he was just looking dejected. And I walked up to him, man, like, what's up? He was like, man, my daughter got arrested.

[Nigel Poor]

Oh, wow.

[Earlonne Woods]

And when I met with d', Monica, I told her that story. Yeah, I was on the yard with your daddy. He was telling us, man, my daughter just went to jail for a shootout.

[D' Monica]

I'm not as tough as he thinks.

[Earlonne Woods]

No, he wasn't saying it as glorifying. He was more concerned about you getting life or. You know what I'm saying? Like, fuck. Like, he was more concerned in it. Like, damn. Like her life. You know, he was thinking of that because we were sitting in there, both had life sentences. You know what I'm saying?

[D' Monica]

Yeah. And I honestly wish that we would have communicated more before this happened, because then it probably would have never happened.

[Nigel Poor]

When Earlonne said to you what your dad's reaction was, I wish I had a mirror to show you the expression on your face. Can you describe what your reaction was when you heard that?

[D' Monica]

Yeah. It's shocking to me that someone expressed that they cared about my life if I was to get a life sentence. That's foreign, you know, that's very, very foreign to me. It's a weird feeling. It's a good feeling, but it's a weird feeling. It was like.

[Nigel Poor]

Is it a feeling of maybe love?

[D' Monica]

Yeah, it is a feeling of love. I fought a lot. You know, people would brag. She just beat so and so up. All my life, I'm thinking that he would glorify my actions and not be too concerned.

[Nigel Poor]

It looked like it hurt to hear it. I mean, your facial expression was. Or maybe it was just very deep emotion. Yeah.

[D' Monica]

No, it didn't hurt. I just wish I would have heard it sooner.

[Earlonne Woods]

In her mindset, she always thought she was doing what he wanted her to do, Right. Like, yeah, keep the name going. But that's totally not what he was on. And it hit her like a ton of bricks. Like, in that moment.

[Nigel Poor]

Mm. I mean, how different her life would have been if they actually had been in communication.

[Earlonne Woods]

Right.

[Nigel Poor]

Have you ever been able to talk to him about your crime?

[D' Monica]

Um, no. Not an open conversation of the things that I went through and what led me to my behaviors. No.

[Nigel Poor]

Do you think he wants to know or he's afraid to know?

[D' Monica]

I think he would think that it was his fault. I'm sure he would want to know.

[Earlonne Woods]

And do you ever think about when you're going to see your dad again?

[D' Monica]

Sometimes I think, like, maybe I'll never see him, but I'm going to try my best to do everything that I can so I can get accepted to have a visit if he's not home by the time I get home.

[Nigel Poor]

Right now, Dahmonica is incarcerated at the California Institution for women. She's eight years into a 19 year sentence.

[Earlonne Woods]

And Ulla's serving a life sentence at San Quentin with the possibility of parole.

[Nigel Poor]

And since he and d' Monica are both in prison, they can't communicate. One incarcerated person cannot call another incarcerated person. And because they were in the same gang, there's restrictions on them even writing letters.

[Earlonne Woods]

So Ear Hustle tried to do something almost impossible.

[Nigel Poor]

Exactly. We spent almost a year trying to make something happen that, as far as we know, has never happened before.

[Earlonne Woods]

We work with prison staff at San Quentin and the California Institution for Women to try to get a video call set up between ULA and his daughter, d'. Monica.

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah, I know that might not sound like a big deal, but we need to bring Amy, our editor, on to explain all that entailed. All right, Amy, so can you shed some light on how this actually happened?

[Amy Standen]

Sure. So the idea came about, I'm gonna say, in, like, late summer, early fall, 2024.

[Nigel Poor]

So we're talking like almost two years ago.

[Amy Standen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nigel Poor]

All right.

[Amy Standen]

And that's when we heard from Ula, who we all know at San Quentin, that his daughter is incarcerated at ciw. So when we found that out, I approached a woman at San Quentin named Sergeant Graves, and she works under the warden. And I said, hey, you know this father and daughter are out of touch, and wouldn't it be cool to connect them after all these years?

[Nigel Poor]

And what was her first reaction to that request?

[Amy Standen]

She was into it. She was excited. I think she was moved by the idea of, you know, it's part of rehabilitation. Right. Bringing families back together, and she believes in that. Of course, as often happens, when you are asking for something from someone at a prison, it takes a lot of emailing. You don't always get a response back. There's a lot of very polite follow ups. So that went on for a couple months. But I think that in the background, the gears actually were turning on this, because a couple months later we got a reply that, yes, if CIW was willing to approve this video call, San Quentin would also approve it.

[Nigel Poor]

So anyway, just out of the blue, you got an email from Graves sort of saying, okay, next steps.

[Amy Standen]

Yes.

[Nigel Poor]

Wow.

[Amy Standen]

Then there was some paperwork because both Ula and d' Monica had to separately file a formal request to communicate with each other.

[Nigel Poor]

And I don't know if this made it even more problematic because they were both in the same gang.

[Amy Standen]

That really actually was the biggest obstacle. More than that they are both incarcerated. Right. Is that they were in the same gang on the outside. And actually, I think that's why after a period of these very enthusiastic emails, I got another email saying the whole thing was off. No explanation, but it was off.

[Nigel Poor]

It's up and down. It's a lot.

[Amy Standen]

Yeah. And at that point, we all kind of gave up on it. You know, it would have been great. But then one day I was in San Quentin and I ran into Sergeant Graves and she said, hey, you know, write me an email, because that video call may be back on. So, of course, I immediately did. And what I learned later is that this issue of the video call had actually risen all the way up to the warden level at both prisons. And even though policy is that these two people shouldn't be able to talk, the wardens at each prison believed that this was worth doing. And then finally, I'm going to say about six or eight months after that

[Nigel Poor]

initial, I'll call it eight months, it was a long time.

[Amy Standen]

The video call was finally approved.

[Nigel Poor]

So this reminds Me of even, you know, how Ear Hustle started. It's like you have to find the right people. And if you're patient, the three Ps, patience, politeness and persistence eventually make things happen.

[Amy Standen]

Totally.

[Nigel Poor]

Right. Yeah.

[Amy Standen]

But so meanwhile, you know, of course, we're continuing to talk to Ula and Di Monica. And they knew that this was a possibility because they both had to fill out paperwork to request it. But it was really important that we not give them, especially Di Monica, you know, that no one give her false hope that this would happen because it always felt like a huge long shot.

[Nigel Poor]

If you can talk with your dad, if it works out, what do you want to, like, what do you imagine that being like?

[D' Monica]

I don't know how I would react. I know I would cry. I don't know what I would really ask. I don't know what I would talk about. I don't even know if I could. I hope if it does happen, that I could ask questions. But just seeing him and not a picture, I don't know. It's something that I've been wishing for for like the last 23 years.

[Earlonne Woods]

What you wishing for?

[D' Monica]

Just to get to know him.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yeah. That's understandable.

[Nigel Poor]

What would you hope he asks you about?

[D' Monica]

Simple things, like my favorite color or what I like to eat. Simple things.

[Nigel Poor]

Of course, d' Monica and Ula have had contact before d' Monica went to prison. Ula would call her at home. But those calls from prison are pretty rushed. Like, you only have 15 minutes for the call, and he's probably talking to a whole bunch of people in the family at that time, you know, probably not just her.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yeah. The call is just like, I love you, I love you, I miss you, I love you. We can't wait to see you. You know that?

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah, exactly.

[D' Monica]

It was, hey, I love you. It was just, you know, always trying to push the issue that we love each other. Hey, I love you, I miss you. You know, it's kind of rushed because you want to get everything you can in within 15 minutes, you know?

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah.

[D' Monica]

You know, he just be like, hi, baby, I love you. Oh, my princess. My baby.

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah. And do you think he's capable of handling it? Yeah. Asking those questions and really hearing what you have to say as opposed to just saying, I love you, I love you. You're my princess.

[D' Monica]

Yes.

[Earlonne Woods]

When we finally got a date for that video call, we still didn't want to tell anyone because as we know in prison, don't shit go off as it's supposed to.

[Nigel Poor]

Exactly. We didn't tell Oola until the day the call was supposed to happen. Our inside managing producer, Tony, shared the news with him. Well, if everything goes right, you need

[Earlonne Woods]

to be at the chapel at 1:30 today.

[Ula (Damon)]

Whoa. I'm overwhelmed by that. That's too much.

[D' Monica]

That's too.

[Nigel Poor]

Oh, man.

[Ula (Damon)]

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, man. I was. Oh, man, thank you. Thank you. Oh, my goodness. What?

[Nigel Poor]

How.

[Earlonne Woods]

How, How, How.

[Ula (Damon)]

How did she know this? She knows. She knows this.

[Nigel Poor]

She knows.

[Ula (Damon)]

I think I need to go cry right now.

[Nigel Poor]

Go cry.

[Ula (Damon)]

I gotta go.

[Nigel Poor]

1:30.

[Ula (Damon)]

I'll be here.

[D' Monica]

Thank you, Tony.

[Ula (Damon)]

You're welcome.

[Earlonne Woods]

Thank you. When we come back, we'll see what happened with that video call.

[Nigel Poor]

I'm David Remnick, host of the New Yorker Radio Hour.

[Earlonne Woods]

There's nothing like finding a story you can really sink into that lets you

[Nigel Poor]

tune out the noise and focus on

[Earlonne Woods]

what matters in print or here on the podcast. The New Yorker brings you thoughtfulness and depth and even humor that you can't find anywhere else. So please join me every week for the New Yorker Radio Hour. Wherever you listen to podcasts, It's spring. The trees are blooming and the air feels different.

[Nigel Poor]

Yes. And I have this urge to get organized. You know, like clean up my closet or something.

[Earlonne Woods]

When you're done with yours, come do mine, please.

[Nigel Poor]

I would love to.

[Earlonne Woods]

But seriously, here's one item on my list. Finding the right life insurance policy.

[Nigel Poor]

Yeah, Earl, and we've actually been talking about this. How the responsibility of protecting your loved ones and planning for the future can be overwhelming.

[Earlonne Woods]

I've been looking into this and it's hectic to find out how much your life insurance will cost. I mean, every insurance company weighs the factors differently, so you really got to compare quotes from multiple insurers. And that's where policygenius can help.

[Nigel Poor]

Just answer a few questions on their website. And policygenius will provide quotes from top insurers that fit your needs.

[Earlonne Woods]

The licensed agents at policygenius can help you find what you need. Coverage, amount, prices, terms. There's no guesswork, just clarity.

[Nigel Poor]

Protect the life you've built. With Policygenius, you can see if you can find 20 year life insurance policies starting at just $276 a year for $1 million in coverage. Head to Policygenius.com to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you can save. That's policygenius.com. Hello, Mrs. Yolanda.

[Earlonne Woods]

How you doing again?

[D' Monica]

Fine. You?

[Earlonne Woods]

I'm all right. It's been a minute since I seen you.

[Nigel Poor]

Come On.

[Earlonne Woods]

Sit down.

[D' Monica]

Okay. I'm nervous.

[Earlonne Woods]

On the day of the call, I'm down south at the California Institution for Women. I meet up with the public information officer, Lieutenant Newborg, and he takes me to, like, this conference office up in the administration building. There was, like, a big table in there, and I can imagine this is where all the briefings go down at, between the warden and the captains and all that. And about 15 minutes after I got there, Dahmonica was escorted into that office.

[D' Monica]

I don't know how. I haven't been able to sleep or eat for two days. What? Yeah. Why are you nervous? Cause I don't know what to say or do. What you mean?

[Earlonne Woods]

I mean, what's bringing about that type of feeling, though? I know you haven't seen him in a long time, and this is different. And you. You know, he's lived in your head your whole life.

[D' Monica]

I told myself, and I've been telling everybody, like, what am I gonna do? They're like, it's a good thing. It's a good thing. I'm like, yeah, but what if I can't talk to him?

[Earlonne Woods]

What have you been talking to him in your head about? Because I know you. You've probably practiced this conversation.

[D' Monica]

I told myself, I said, I want to see his hands, I want to see his ears. I want to see his height. I just want to be able to see him.

[Nigel Poor]

Meanwhile, in San Quentin in Northern California, Ula is walking across the yard, headed up to the chapel where the video call has been set up.

[Ula (Damon)]

I'm going to go see my daughter, D' Amonica Lewis, who I haven't saw since she was 6, who'll be 30 next month on the 4th. So I'm. I'm a ball of emotions right now. I'm just so excited to talk to my baby and just. I haven't saw her mannerism. So I don't know if she looks like me when she, like, smiles or if she looks like her mom or grandmother. So I want to see her in her movements. I just want to see her.

[Earlonne Woods]

I know we said this earlier, but I just want to reiterate that as far as we know, this was the first time that an incarcerated father and daughter were able to get on a call like this.

[Nigel Poor]

I wasn't there. So, Amy, can you describe what it was like? Sure.

[Amy Standen]

So while Earlonne is at CIW with d', Monica, I was in San Quentin with Ula. The staff had set up a room for us right near the chapel. And the funny thing was that they had gotten, I guess, the screen that was available. This was a huge, like a 56 inch TV was set up to be.

[Nigel Poor]

Wait, wait, I thought you guys would both be on laptops or something.

[Amy Standen]

Oh, no, no. This was like a gigantic tv.

[Nigel Poor]

And how many people are in the room?

[Amy Standen]

So there was this long table. Okay, let me count. So I'm there with my recorder. Ula is there, Sergeant Graves is there, and then the public information officer, Lieutenant Barrett is there. So there's about four people. There's four people sitting around this table. And of course.

[Nigel Poor]

And everyone's, like, looking at Ula.

[Amy Standen]

Well, at San Quentin first, everyone's just trying to get this thing to work. I mean, what about you, Earlonne? At ciw, things were looking a little

[Earlonne Woods]

dicey on our end, too.

[D' Monica]

There's no technical difficulty on why they can't jump in other than they're just to wait.

[Earlonne Woods]

D' Monica is sitting there and she's anxious and the picture on the screen is kind of popping up and then disappearing.

[Amy Standen]

Yeah, we could see you, but you couldn't see us.

[Earlonne Woods]

Right? And I'm sitting there like, man, I hope this shit work. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is too dope to not happen.

[Nigel Poor]

And how is Ula reacting?

[Amy Standen]

He was just. He was just, like, overcome from the beginning. He's sort of like grasping onto the table, leaning toward the screen, you know, like, his face is just, I don't know, six or eight inches away from this screen.

[Nigel Poor]

Was he talking a lot or just quiet?

[Amy Standen]

He was just, you know, saying, oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's her. It's her. I mean, he really was overwhelmed. He had brought this piece of cloth with him that he called his tear rag because he knew how emotional this was gonna be for him.

[Ula (Damon)]

Oh, my God.

[D' Monica]

Sit down.

[Nigel Poor]

So you.

[Ula (Damon)]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Nigel Poor]

All right, it's getting clear.

[Ula (Damon)]

Look at my baby.

[D' Monica]

You can't see. Can you hear us?

[Ula (Damon)]

Oh, my God. Look at my baby.

[D' Monica]

You can hear us.

[Earlonne Woods]

So miraculously, both prisons hit the right button at the right time, and there everybody was.

[Nigel Poor]

Oh, my God.

[D' Monica]

Hello.

[Ula (Damon)]

Oh, my God. How you doing, baby? I love you so much.

[D' Monica]

I love you, too.

[Ula (Damon)]

How are you doing?

[D' Monica]

I'm doing fine. A little nervous.

[Ula (Damon)]

I'm beyond nervous. But I'm here because I love you and I miss you so much.

[D' Monica]

I miss you, too.

[Ula (Damon)]

How have you been doing?

[D' Monica]

I've been fine. I've been all right. I'm just nervous.

[Nigel Poor]

So Earlonne, she says she's nervous, but it's funny. I mean, I can't really hear that in her voice.

[Earlonne Woods]

I know, but she was stressing. There was tears in her eyes, and you could tell that she was trying to hold him back. She just kept saying, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

[Nigel Poor]

Was it awkward or.

[Earlonne Woods]

I think it was just a big moment in her life. Like, you know, she hasn't really looked and talked to this person technically since she was 6 and now she's 30.

[Nigel Poor]

Amy, what was the vibe with him?

[Amy Standen]

I mean, he. Like I said, he was overcome. He was really emotional. He's leaning sort of craning toward the screen. It did feel a little tiny bit awkward. I mean, he's got all these people watching him, and I think there was just so much writing on this video call. Like, would they actually be able to get to know each other again, you know, after all this? But I will say that they got past the pleasantries really fast. I mean, almost right off the bat, they were kind of into the thick of it.

[Ula (Damon)]

I know you got a lot of questions for me, right, About a lot of stuff. And I just want to sit. I just want you to be able to ask me whatever you want to ask me. I want you to be able to talk about whatever like. Like whatever it is that's going to help you through this process and heal, like. Because I know that you being there is a result of me being a bad father and being neglectful.

[D' Monica]

You know, I'm not gonna say that you were a bad father. Cause I don't feel like I had bad parents. I just feel like I had parents that wasn't raised right. So I wasn't raised right, but I don't feel like that's y' all fault. The life I lived, was it a hard life? I lived a very hard life. But I don't blame my parents.

[Ula (Damon)]

Well, I. I love you for saying that, but as your parent, I think it would be impossible for you to be in that situation if I hadn't been absent.

[D' Monica]

Yeah, probably just trying to find that love that you gave me and chasing these images of you. That's probably why I committed my crimes. Just trying to be like my dad. That was the most joyful moments for me in life is when somebody was speaking of you and the things you did. So I felt like that's what made me whole, to try to be like you.

[Ula (Damon)]

I think about that constantly, like how you used to look at me and how you used to mimic all this stuff. I remember you told me one time when you was small, and you. He was like, you should have made me a boy.

[D' Monica]

I thought I was a boy for a long time. I thought I was a boy for a long time. I think that's probably why I got in so much trouble in the streets. I felt like I had to be a man. Not like I want to transition or anything like that, but I feel like because there was no men in my life, that I had to be that man. Like, I felt like I had to go up against men. I felt like I had to show them that you will not play with me. And I don't like that now. I don't like to think that, but that's how I thought then, because I felt like I had nobody to protect me but me. I would tell people that by 18, either I'm going to be dead or I'm going to be in prison. And I felt like I had no purpose, I think, because the parent that loved me was you. So once you love something and you nourish it and you take that away from that plant and nobody's watering anymore, it dies. So I felt like, why am I here? But every time I fight, I get this praise. Now I'm thinking the love is coming from these people praising me for fighting everybody and beating them up. And that's not love. That's people that really don't care for me. But I thought that was love. That's where I got my love from. That's how my flower got watered through. These people praising me for doing the wrong things.

[Ula (Damon)]

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I want to know what you into. Like, what do you do? What do you eat? What are you doing now? Like what?

[D' Monica]

I like protein, but I keep getting buff. I look like a linebacker right now, but I like protein. I like chicken and cheese. I love cheese.

[Nigel Poor]

And

[Amy Standen]

before the interview, our team had written up a list of questions, and we'd given them to both Ula and Di Monica. And these were optional, obviously, but just in case, like, they needed something to talk about. And on that list, I had included the questions that Damonica hoped her dad would ask her. Remember those? Like, what's your favorite color? What do you like to eat?

[Nigel Poor]

Do you think you would have asked those questions if you hadn't put them on a list?

[Amy Standen]

Probably not. In retrospect, I'm not really sure that was the right call, because Di Monica wanted him to think of these questions on his own, you know? And I guess I'm still thinking about this, but I really did want Di Monica to get what she wanted out of this conversation, which is for her dad to know her.

[Ula (Damon)]

You know what else I don't know? What's your favorite color?

[D' Monica]

Pink.

[Ula (Damon)]

Pink.

[D' Monica]

I love pink. I'm five eight, but I look like I'm about six, three if you ask me. But I'm five eight. I love music. I love cooking. I spend most of my days in my room chilling. I love school. If you could spend a day with me outside of prison, what would we do?

[Ula (Damon)]

Well, we would have to probably go like to San Francisco because I would want to take you to Pier 39. I think we would probably go see your great grandmother's grave. I think we would go spend time with her. But I would spend probably majority of that time just listening to you.

[D' Monica]

I want to go to the beach. That was the last place I remember us going to the beach. We went to the beach. So I wouldn't want to go back to the beach. I go to the beach when I get sad. That was the last place we went to was the beach. I love water now because of that.

[Earlonne Woods]

I know there was a lot of us in the room, but honestly I think they forgot.

[Amy Standen]

Yeah, I agree.

[Earlonne Woods]

And we didn't know how long the staff was gonna give them for this. Again, it was unprecedented, but I think Ula and Damonica talked for about maybe an hour before it was time to go.

[Amy Standen]

So you guys have about less than 10 minutes left.

[Ula (Damon)]

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

[D' Monica]

I love you so much. I love you.

[Ula (Damon)]

Thank you everybody.

[D' Monica]

Thank you.

[Ula (Damon)]

My baby. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

[D' Monica]

I love you too. I hope you have a good day.

[Ula (Damon)]

You have a blessed and wonderful day. I don't know if it's going to get any better after this, but I'm going to try to keep this vibe all the way throughout. I love you, Demonica.

[D' Monica]

Alrighty. I love you, dad. I love you too.

[Ula (Damon)]

I love you too. Oh my God, that's my baby.

[Earlonne Woods]

Thank you guys. Listening to this call,

[Nigel Poor]

did the boohoo start to fall?

[Earlonne Woods]

I was teary eyed for real because it was so emotional just hearing Oola just express his love. And you could just hear how his decisions in life basically robbed him of his time with his daughter, you know what I'm saying? And he was trying his best to get what, 20 something years of conversation into this one hour. So whether it was just, you know, listening to a grown man start to tear up, it just affects you, you know what I'm saying?

[Nigel Poor]

But how did you feel for Demonica?

[Earlonne Woods]

I was, you know, more happy for her that she had a chance to, as a daughter, to be able to talk to her father. We were able to make something beautiful happen in that moment. I was happy.

[Nigel Poor]

Of that, I agree. And because I wasn't that involved in it, I can say that it wouldn't have happened without the Ear Hustle team making it happen. And that's pretty amazing to spend a year and a ton of energy to make a conversation between two people, a dad and a daughter, actually happen.

[Earlonne Woods]

And all of this started because Oola found out that we were working at ciw, and he was like, man, my daughter's there for that little situation to grow into. Them being able to reconnect in a way that not only did they get this video chat, they got approved to write each other.

[Nigel Poor]

Right. So since the video visit, Damonica and Ula have been given me permission to write letters to each other, which. That's a big deal, right?

[Earlonne Woods]

That's a huge deal because now you can communicate.

[Nigel Poor]

Well, it makes me think of our last episode about letters, right? If you write a letter and you open it, you never know what's going to happen. You know how some people, you know, they always want to know, how are you changing a bunch of people's lives? Like, everyone wants you to upscale, upscale, and make your outreach bigger. I love this story because it talks about the importance of making something happen for two people, and that's huge. Spending a year making something really special happen for two people matters deeply.

[Earlonne Woods]

And then it's not just them, too, because everybody on the yard is more inspired than this could happen to them because a lot of people have family members that's in jail and they're not able to communicate with them based on rules and regulations. That may make sense in some situations, but most likely not.

[Nigel Poor]

All right, well, here's to us continuing to try to open the door of communication in any way that we can. It's pretty cool.

[Earlonne Woods]

Yeah, definitely.

[Nigel Poor]

Go Ear Hustle.

[Earlonne Woods]

We did that.

[Nigel Poor]

Ear Hustle is produced by me, Nigel Poor, Earlonne Woods, Amy Standen, Bruce Wallace, and Kat Shknecht.

[Earlonne Woods]

Shevnam Sigman is the managing producer.

[Nigel Poor]

The producing team Inside San Quentin includes Durelsa, Deke Davis and Tom Nguyen. The inside managing producer is Tony Tafoya.

[Earlonne Woods]

Special thanks to Warden Andes and public information officer Lieutenant Berry and Sergeant Graves at San Quentin for the special effort you put in to making this video call happen.

[Nigel Poor]

And thanks also to our friend Lt. Newborg, who recently retired as the PIO at the California Institution for Women, who also put in a lot of legwork to make this possible.

[Earlonne Woods]

Thanks also to Acting Warden Parker, Associate Warden Lewis and Pio Lt. Avena at the California Institution for Women and Warden Dela Cruz and Pio Lieutenant Williams at the Central California Women's Facility for their support of the show.

[Nigel Poor]

I am Lieutenant Giamari Berry, the Public Information Officer here at San Quentin Rehabilitation center, and I approve this episode. Bruce Wallace sound designs the show with help from Earlonne woods and Durelsa Deke Davis, Fernando Arruda and Harry Culhane are our engineers.

[Earlonne Woods]

Music for this episode comes from Antwan Williams, David Jahzee, Darrell, Siddiq Davis, Bruce Wallace and me.

[Nigel Poor]

For more information about this episode, check out the show notes on Ear Hustle's website, earhustlesq.com and if you want to check out the newspaper that's produced inside San Quentin, go to san quentinnews.com ear

[Earlonne Woods]

hustle receives support from the Just Trust Building a smaller, more humane engine of justice and safety across the country.

[Nigel Poor]

Ear Hustle will always be free, but if you want more Ear Hustle without ads, sign up for Ear Hustle. You'll get subscriber only bonus content and you'll be supporting our team.

[Earlonne Woods]

Sign [e-mail] plus or directly in Apple

[Nigel Poor]

Podcasts Ear Hustle is a proud member of Radiotopia from prx, a network of independent, creator owned, listener supported podcasts.

[Earlonne Woods]

Discover audio and Vision at Radiotopia fm.

[Nigel Poor]

I'm Nigel Poor.

[Earlonne Woods]

I'm Earlonne Woods. Thanks for listening. I got a cool background on Microsoft Teams, cartoon characters behind me, all kind of stuff. They'd be like what the hell wrong with Erlon? Radiotopia

[Nigel Poor]

from PRX.