Podcast Summary: "It's Not Your Job to Please Everyone"

Podcast: Earn the Right to Live Your Dreams
Host: Dr. Coyte Cooper
Episode: 02 - It's Not Your Job to Please Everyone
Date: October 13, 2015

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Coyte Cooper delves into a fundamental but often overlooked concept: it's not your job to please everyone. Drawing from personal experiences and practical insights, Dr. Cooper discusses how the desire for approval can lead us astray from our dreams and highest potential. He introduces actionable steps and a mindset shift to help listeners break free from the need to please, focus on personal values, and aggressively pursue the life they truly want.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Universal Struggle to Please Others

• Opening Thought: Dr. Cooper notes that the desire to gain approval and avoid criticism affects nearly everyone, leading people to make decisions that pull them away from their dreams.

  "We spend most of our lives so worried about everyone else… worried about their opinions, worried about disappointing them, worried about criticism. And as a result… we back off on our aspirations." (01:00)

• Clarification: Adding value to others is important, but this episode focuses on situations where saying “yes” means betraying one’s own vision or passion.

Three Common Ways We Please Others at the Expense of Ourselves

1. Saying Yes to What Doesn’t Align:
   • People accept opportunities that don’t fit their vision because they fear disappointing others.
   • Dr. Cooper admits his own past struggles with this:

     "Somebody wants you to do something, and you say yes because you don’t want to disappoint them. And… you're not turning out your best work." (02:30)

2. Constantly Adjusting to Others' Demands:
   • He references Joel Osteen’s advice about people who continuously ask for favors, often without appreciation.

     "There are people that will constantly take advantage of you... and then they're not even truly grateful for it, and they'll continue to ask these things." (04:00)

3. Compromising Authenticity to Avoid Criticism:
   • Altering behavior or downplaying oneself to sidestep criticism or judgment.
   • The outcome: “You’re also incapable of being truly happy.” (05:16)

The Call for a Philosophical Shift

• Core Principle: “It’s not your job to please everyone.”
  • Dr. Cooper encourages listeners to repeat this mantra, especially when tempted to bend to others’ expectations.

Four Steps to Living Your Best Life

1. Control What You Can Control (07:00)

• Focus on your own attitude, behavior, and choices.
• Let go of trying to manage others’ opinions or criticisms.

  "You can always control your approach to your day... What you can't control are other people's opinions." (07:15)

• Stop waiting for permission and start living to your full potential.

2. Focus on Being a Supermodel (in Character) (08:20)

• Clarifies it’s not about appearances, but about being a "supermodel" of your own chosen values.
• Know who you want to be for the most important people in your life—parent, spouse, colleague, friend.

  "What are the values that you’re gonna stand for no matter what?... Focus on being great at modeling these things every single day." (09:10)

3. See Criticism as a Compliment (10:15)

• Lack of criticism often means a lack of ambitious living.
• If you’re criticized, it may be because you’re challenging the status quo and making others uncomfortable.

  "If you’re not getting any criticism, then that means you’re not really living to full potential… See that as a compliment." (10:33)

4. Commit to Living a “Crazy, Cool” Life on Your Terms (12:00)

• Define what happiness and success mean for you, not others.
• Don’t let negativity or mockery from others change who you are.

  "You don’t have to listen to what other people say. And the sooner you get to just living and being the exact person you want to be, the happier you’re going to be." (13:05)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On refusing to live for others' expectations:

  "If you have somebody who's frustrated with you and you're starting to think, well, I'll do this just to make them happy, remind yourself it's not your job to please everyone." (06:13)

• On bold living:

  "You determine what that is… just go out and live life on your own terms." (12:24)

• On the outcome of adopting this mindset:

  "You will be on your way to closing the gap on living your goals and dreams and just having an amazing life where you make a massive impact on people." (14:30)

Structural Roadmap with Timestamps

• [01:00] — Introduction to the episode's main theme
• [02:30] — Real-life example of saying yes to misaligned opportunities
• [04:00] — Insights from Joel Osteen and boundaries with demanding people
• [05:16] — The link between pleasing others and lack of true happiness
• [06:13] — The guiding principle: “It’s not your job to please everyone”
• [07:00] — Step 1: Control what you can control
• [08:20] — Step 2: Focus on being a 'supermodel' of your values
• [10:15] — Step 3: See criticism as a compliment
• [12:00] — Step 4: Live a “crazy, cool” life on your terms
• [14:30] — Encouragement and episode wrap-up

Conclusion

Dr. Coyte Cooper’s energetic, practical approach encourages listeners to courageously and consistently prioritize their values, goals, and true selves over the shifting expectations of others.
His four-step framework—control what you can control, model the values you believe in, view criticism as validation, and define (then unapologetically pursue) your own crazy, awesome life—empowers anyone seeking both peak performance and authentic happiness.

Final reminder:
“Don’t try to please everybody else, focus on living your best life and have an awesome day.” (15:00)