Effectively Wild Episode 2413: “Allons-y, Alonso”

Date: December 13, 2025
Hosts: Ben Lindbergh (A), Meg Rowley (B)

Episode Overview

This episode of Effectively Wild dives into two major storylines in MLB:

1. The off-field quirks and alternative health trends percolating within the Philadelphia Phillies’ clubhouse, featuring their backup catcher’s now-viral breast milk TikTok and the broader context of baseball “bro science.”

2. The big transaction headline: Pete Alonso signing with the Baltimore Orioles, its implications for both the Orioles and the Mets, and discussion of related moves during MLB’s winter meetings.

Scattered throughout are sharp, humorous observations, heartened criticism of baseball culture, robust statistical blasts, and memorable baseball banter, all in the show’s signature style.

Philly Phollies: The Clubhouse Gets Weird [00:34–14:20]

The Breast Milk TikTok Incident [00:36–14:20]

• Ben (00:36): Surprised and unsettled by discovering that Phillies’ backup catcher Garrett Stubbs posted a TikTok of himself taking a shot of his wife’s breast milk, thanks to Meg mentioning it on BlueSky.

  • “He posted a TikTok of himself taking a shot of his wife's breast milk. ...Now I am committing the same crime against our listeners. ...Are the Phillies okay? No.”

• Meg (02:20): Contextualizes the Phillies’ quirky, chaotic clubhouse and contemplates whether we just “know too much” about players in the social media age.

  • “This is classic. We know too much about each other.”
  • "[Stubbs] captions it ‘booby milk is always the answer.’ ...Have some self-respect. ...You’re making a dumb choice and then you’re sounding like a child, and those things in concert are not agreeing with me.”

• Discussion:

  • The “bro science” culture in baseball: athletes gravitating toward pseudoscientific health practices (magnetic necklaces, unpasteurized milk, etc.).
  • The tension between freedom and responsibility: Should teams, or the union, intervene when players adopt potentially harmful health trends?
  • Humor and horror at the spectacle, culminating in an editorial policy: “Breast milk only for babies.” (14:20)

Quote – Meg [11:54]:

“The breast milk. That’s for the baby. That’s not for you. You’re not the baby!”

Main Event: Pete Alonso Joins the Orioles [16:18–44:28]

Deal Details and Immediate Reactions [16:18–20:25]

• Ben announces the Orioles have signed Pete Alonso: five years, $155 million, with a $12.5M signing bonus, $18.5M in 2026, and $31M annually thereafter [17:29].

  • “...the Orioles have signed him to a five year, $155 million guarantee. ...Pete Alonso will impact plenty of baseballs as a member of this team.”

• Discussion of Team Fit:

  • Orioles’ offense needed a bolster, especially against lefties (last year's 87 wRC+ versus left-handed pitching, 20th in MLB).
  • Alonso provides power, depth, and a reliable everyday presence in the lineup, though is noted for reverse splits (135 wRC+ vs righties, 125 vs lefties).
  • Ben: “He’s about as safe a bet to crank dongs as anyone in baseball.”
  • Depth chart callout: Jackson Holliday, Gunnar Henderson, Adley Rutschman, Taylor Ward, etc.

• Lighthearted callback to prior grossness:

  • “Not the most uncomfortable thing we discussed on this episode.” (20:38, Ben)

Roster Construction and Longer-Term Implications [20:25–24:30]

• Orioles’ ongoing issues:
  • More moves needed, particularly pitching (“...they gotta get to going on that,” Meg [30:45]).
  • Positional logjams with Ryan Mountcastle, Kobe Mayo, O’Neill, and the possibility of trading for pitching.
  • Concerns about aging curve risk with a right-right first baseman (“...the decline can happen very abruptly,” Meg [24:30]), invoking the specter of Chris Davis.
  • Timing and fit of the signing (e.g., “If their internal evaluation of Alonzo was this strong, why didn’t you just give him the seal last year?” Meg [24:34]).
  • Comparison to Schwarber: “Kyle Schwarber is a better pure hitter than Pete Alonso, but Pete Alonso is younger...”

Big Picture Analysis: Orioles and Mets [28:40–57:25]

• Orioles:

  • “If what Baltimore is trying to do is maximize this core ...let’s get the very most we possibly can out of this group.”
  • The importance of adding offense, but the need to “focus on the pitching piece.”

• Mets:

  • Emotional angle of losing homegrown, beloved players like Alonso, Nimmo, and Diaz.
  • Practical outlook: “It’s fine that they didn’t bring him back... I don’t think this is an instance of them ‘metzing’ it.” (Meg [36:15])
  • Payroll, luxury tax, and future roster flexibility also factor into the decision.
  • “...the comforting thing for Mets fans is that from a process perspective, I think the decision to let those guys walk is defensible now.” (Meg [55:04])
  • Analysts vs. fans: “Fans get to be sad that the guy they liked best is gone. ...Analysts get to tell you if it’s good baseball. ...It doesn’t have to be nasty.” (Meg [38:20])
  • “...when it makes sense, when there’s a guy who they want to be their guy for a long time, they’ve demonstrated that they will spend up to do that.” (Meg [57:04])

Notable Quotes:

• Ben (40:47):
  “When you have Juan Soto and Francisco Lindor—two top 10 position players in baseball—that eases the sting.”
• Meg (41:33):
  “The notion that this is some indictment of [Stearns'] perspective and philosophy of roster building is probably just overblown... Give it a minute. Jesus.”

Stat Blast: Historic Context of Player Departures [46:50–59:45]

How Rare Is This Mets "Exodus"? [47:09–59:45]

• Ben and Meg draw on Michael Mountain’s deep dive into historical precedents for losing swaths of long-tenured, high-value players:

  • Most ever: 1947 St. Louis Browns lost 8 (with caveats).
  • Recent benchmark: 2013 Yankees lost five key long-tenured players (Rivera, Cano, Pettitte, Hughes, Chamberlain).
  • By total FanGraphs WAR: 1914 Philadelphia A’s (post–"fire sale"), 179 WAR lost.

• In context, the Mets’ trio (Nimmo, Alonso, Diaz) falling far short of these franchise-defining upheavals.

  • “So obviously, these Mets departures nowhere near the record-setting totals in either quantity or quality.”
  • “This kind of loss happens fairly routinely, actually.” (Ben [54:48])

• Comfort for Mets fans: decisions weren’t process-poor, and other teams have moved on from similar or larger departures and thrived.

Winter Meetings & Other Notable Transactions [65:22–75:37]

• Robert Suarez signs with Braves (3-year deal to set up Iglesias).
  • “He’s almost 35... That’s interesting because, and I like Robert Suarez, but he’s almost 35.” (Meg [65:58])
• Braves sign Mike Yastrzemski to a two-year, $23M deal; likely a platoon starter.
• Tigers re-sign Kyle Finnegan for bullpen depth.
• Royals extend Michael Garcia (5 years, $57.5M).
  • “Michael Garcia is really underrated, I think if anything, and is a really good player.” (Ben [72:28])
• Minor Phillies talk, general market trends (many free agent contracts running over projections).

Transactions, Market Observations, and Winter Meetings Reflections [75:37–79:33]

• “Not a dud, but not a smashing success of a winter meetings... It never felt like, oh, the stove is scalding.” (Ben and Meg summarize [76:28–77:43])
• Fewer big trades than expected; most action came on the free agent market.
• Winter meetings referenced as louder and busier than ever (“Apple Watch kept giving me ‘you’re in a loud environment’ warnings”).
  (Meg [77:55–79:06])

Listener Feedback and Bits [79:33–82:27]

• Discussion of Scott Boras’s “pun” pressers continues (“Armed and rangerous”).
• Listener notes on the NHL's equivalent of Sonny Gray nicknaming Cashman “Cash.”
• Meta-discussion: the value and appropriateness of fan and analyst responses to team behavior.
• Show closes with a call for hygienic milk consumption and notes on Phillies’ catching uncertainty.

Memorable Quotes

• Meg [14:20]: “Breast milk only for babies. That’s our editorial policy on Effectively Wild.”
• Ben [20:36]: “[Alonso] is about as safe a bet to crank dongs as anyone in baseball.”
• Meg [24:30]: “The scary thing about this kind of guy is that the decline can happen very abruptly, which Orioles fans know something about.”
• Meg [55:04]: “From a process perspective, I think the decision to let those guys walk is defensible now.”

Key Timestamps

• Phillies breast milk TikTok & club culture: 00:34–14:20
• Pete Alonso signs with the Orioles: 16:18–44:28
• Historic context of Mets player departures (Stat Blast): 46:50–59:45
• Market/transaction summaries & winter meetings: 65:22–79:33
• Listener responses/odds-and-ends: 79:33–82:27

Tone and Style

Rich with banter, signature irreverence and wordplay, critical but compassionate analysis, and plenty of dry asides about baseball’s odd culture. Notable for its meta-commentary—how much is too much to know about players, and how much does any of it matter relative to on-field production and healthy process?

Summary Takeaway

“We know too much about each other” (02:32): The episode cleverly intertwines baseball’s penchant for both statistical over-analysis and off-field spectacle, using the Phillies’ latest escapade as comedic, anxious evidence. Meanwhile, Pete Alonso’s move to Baltimore triggers a nuanced breakdown about team-building, aging curves, and the emotional calculus of modern baseball fandom. Through it all, Ben and Meg provide steady, informed perspective—with an editorial policy you won’t soon forget: “Breast milk only for babies.”