Enya's old box

Summary

Emergency Intercom – "Enya's Old Box" (Dec 5, 2025)

Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips, Kai
Podcast: Emergency Intercom (iHeartPodcasts)

---

Episode Overview

In this loose, rambling, and hilariously self-deprecating episode, Drew, Enya, and Kai reunite for the first time since recent travels to catch up on their latest streak of bad luck, questionable decisions, and nostalgic finds. The central focus is Drew's epic saga of car troubles, existential spirals, and absurd DMV misadventures, counterbalanced by tender tales of pet disasters and Kai's emotional rediscovery of a One Direction jacket from her youth (“Enya’s box”). The trio’s trademark mix of sardonic wit, dark comedy, and heartfelt friendship shines throughout, offering plenty of memorable banter and meta-commentary on modern life, adulthood, and growing up painfully but hilariously off-kilter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Drew's Epic Car Trouble Spiral

• Car Accident & Aftermath: Drew and Kai recount getting hit by a car while rebuilding a cafe in Texas—the driver and everyone else are okay. (04:10–04:31)
• Drew’s Car Saga: Drew details a string of bad car-related decisions:
  • Getting pulled over for FaceTiming while driving: “I own up to it. Naughty. Bad. Don’t do that.” (05:18)
  • Illegally parking in a tow-away zone knowing full well the risk: “I knew I wasn’t going to do it ... I just needed to get out of this car.” (07:01)
  • Parking ticket and then watching his car get towed via security camera: “I checked the live cameras and this is what I see ... I laughed. My knee-jerk reaction was to laugh.” (10:30)
  • Realizing his registration has been expired—and driving around with it for months: “So I’ve been driving a suspended fucking vehicle for God knows how long...” (15:26)
  • Compounding costs: $100 in Ubers, $442 for towing, multiple parking tickets, and a $936 registration renewal. “By now, y’all, I have spent fourteen hundred dollars ... I almost spent two grand.” (40:00–40:53)
• Self-Deprecation and Reflection: Drew claims full responsibility—“Let this be a cautionary tale. Get your life in order, because y’all, this story only gets worse.” (16:25)
• Poetry in a Downward Spiral: Drew shares the “poem” he wrote in his spiral:

  “I was like, the decay is mine. It's a mandelbrot fract, fractal, infinitely repeating my pain across the universe.” (09:20)

2. Social Encounters & Unlikely Flirting

• At the DMV, Drew shares a “craziest ever” story of being flirted with by a woman, which makes for an awkward, comedic scenario given his sexuality. He gives her his mom's number instead of his own:

  “She asked me for my phone number and ... I gave her my mom's phone number ... Said don’t text back. I’m a bad person.” (30:04)

  • Drew suspects the woman was a podcast listener, given her oddly specific knowledge about his background and music tastes. (32:01)

3. Pet Mayhem: Azul the Couch Terrorist

• Kai tells the story of coming back from Miami to discover her beloved new adult-purchased couch had been “christened” by their pet, Azul, not with love, but with four piles (later, five) of cat poop.
  • “If you have a couch and a pet, you kind of just have to accept that your pet is gonna treat everywhere couch like a litter box, because your pet is a piece of brat and doesn’t like being left alone for more than two days.” (46:44)
  • Josiah, their friend, heroically cleans it up. Kai debates buying a kennel—Azul, meanwhile, acts like nothing’s wrong. (44:48, 47:56)

4. Kai’s Nostalgic Miami “Box” Discovery

• Kai shares her emotional find: the legendary One Direction varsity jacket from 2013, believed sent to Honduras, but instead tucked in a memento box in family storage.
  • “It is so freaky ... it made my parents cry ... I used to wear this every single day ... the most exciting, expensive thing I had ever owned.” (50:56)
• The moment yields jokes about personal archives, memorabilia, and the bittersweetness of growing up/loss.

5. Pop Culture: “Heated Rivalries” (Not Fierce Competition) and Sex in Media

• Drew heavily plugs his new favorite series, which he kept calling “Fierce Competition”—it’s actually “Heated Rivalries,” a slow-burn, visually pretty, very explicit gay romance/hockey show.
  • “Gay guys needed a slow burn romance ... it is cute ... it is relatable.” (65:26)
  • “It sucks, but it is so fun to watch.” (64:19)
• The trio riff on how most new media is just sex now, and on the soap opera/absurdity of subpar white entertainment vs. actual queer representation. (64:35–65:16)
• Spirals into whether Drew would ever get a BBL:

  “If no one would know, no one would know I was healing ... I would do it.” (66:47)

6. Miscellaneous Chaos & Philosophy

• On Wanting Pity: Drew: “I want people to pity me. Why is that such a bad thing?” (57:36)
  • Kai: “It's a sign of not getting it enough as a child. I relate to it, queen.”
• Drew’s Stand-Up Set (Unhinged Edition):
  • TSA Pre Check joke: “TSA Pre Check. More like TSA Pre Come because you get to come to the gate faster.” (68:51)
  • “Mont Blanc pins are so expensive, hope they write the checks.” (70:44)
  • “When I get into Drew stand-up flow state, like, it flows out of me ... It’s actually special.” (71:38)
• Child Stars & the Judy Garland Rabbit Hole: Drew recounts learning (as a 27-year-old gay man!) about Judy Garland's tragic story and parallels to Britney Spears: “She is kind, like, definition of underdog story … Her mom got her addicted to pills at the age of like nine ... that's what she died from.” (76:47)
• Gift-Giving & Adult Purchases: Kai and Enya discuss the evolving emotions surrounding gifts and what they want for Christmas (Enya: slippers—but they have to be a surprise and expensive). (80:01–80:28)
• Media of the Week:
  • Kai: “Summer Soft” by Stevie Wonder, “Can’t Live Without You” by Charlie Wilson, “Reach Out for Me” by Burt Bacharach, “The World is Yours” by Air Jojo. (81:24)
  • Drew: Oklahoma soundtrack.
  • Enya: DMs with Cole from Wallows.

---

Notable & Memorable Quotes (with timestamps)

• On personal responsibility:

  “I am well aware that all of this is my fault. Like, I know that I had every opportunity to make it … I did this to myself.”
  — Drew, (08:23)

• Poetic breakdown:

  “The decay is mine. It's a mandelbrot fract, fractal, infinitely repeating my pain across the universe.”
  — Drew, (09:20)

• On the trauma of modern adulthood:

  “Y’all, let this be a cautionary tale. Get your life in order, cause y’all, this story only gets worse.”
  — Drew, (16:25)

• On the cost of car neglect:

  “I almost spent two grand, and I haven’t even paid for the parking ticket. I could have bought like a dildo that lays eggs up my ass.”
  — Drew, (40:41)

• On wanting pity:

  “I want people to be sad for me. I was like, I want people to pity me. Why is that such a bad thing?”
  — Drew, (57:36) “It's a sign of not getting it enough as a child … and I relate to it, queen.”
  — Kai, (57:50)

• On Azul’s destruction:

  “If you have a couch and a pet, you kind of just have to accept that your pet is gonna treat everywhere couch like a litter box, because your pet is a piece of brat and doesn’t like being left alone…”
  — Kai, (46:44)

• Absurd, dark humor:

  “Tow truck drivers and Nazis, same thing. Barely any difference.”
  — Drew, (18:53)

• On gay representation in media:

  “Gay guys needed a slow burn romance ... It’s cute, it is relatable. There’s like, a lot of parts where it's like, oh, I’ve literally been here and this is traumatic, but in a good way. You feel seen. So go watch Heated Rivalries.”
  — Drew, (65:26–65:49)

• Stand-Up highlight:

  “TSA Pre Check. More like TSA Pre Come because you get to come to the gate faster.”
  — Kai (68:51), Drew’s standup

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Drew’s Car Trouble Story Arc: 04:10–19:00
  • Parking, tickets, towing, registration chaos, DMV hell
• Drew’s Downward Spiral Poem: 09:20
• DMV Flirting Story: 27:15–32:00
• Azul the Cat Couch Massacre: 43:44–47:56
• Kai’s One Direction Jacket Discovery: 48:39–51:16
• Discussion: Queer Representation, “Heated Rivalries”: 61:00–65:49
• Absurd Stand-Up Bits/Flow State: 67:57–71:57
• Judy Garland & Tortured Entertainers: 76:47–77:54
• Gift-Giving & Christmas Chat: 79:58–80:39
• Media of the Week: 81:18–81:48

---

Tone & Style Notes

The episode embodies Emergency Intercom’s signature blend: raw, self-effacing, and often absurd humor, quick pivots from banter to existential reflection, meta pop culture commentary, and honest glimpses at the messy realities of 20-something adulthood. There are moments of comic bravado (“pre-come!”), self-aware melodrama (“the mandelbrot fractal of pain”), and nostalgic warmth (“it made my parents cry, I used to wear this jacket every single day”). The trio’s chemistry means even their deepest spirals are undercut by affection and inside jokes, making for a cathartic and wildly entertaining listen.

---

Summary

“Enya’s Old Box” is an episode that careens through streaks of terrible luck, oddball poetry, and the squalor and sweetness of home life, all with humor and stunning self-awareness. Whether Drew is mourning his soon-to-be-cubed car or Kai is reflecting over a long-lost memento, Emergency Intercom remains equal parts hilarious and oddly comforting for anyone making it up as they go along.

Transcript

[Host/Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Drew]

So my friends text let's do a quick little weekend getaway. Super chill, right? Famous last words. Suddenly someone's buying a bonfire outfit and apparently there's a boat. Now that's when I pull out my Klarna card. Swipe done. And if I want it off my plate now, I can pay in full or I can pay later. No IOUs, no stress. Because the Klarna card isn't just a card, it's how you survive. Friends plans plus no credit impact when you apply. Learn more about klarna [e-mail] debit flex card pay Later Plans issued by Web bank depos in your balance account are held at webbank Member FDIC Anywhere VISA is accepted, certain merchant product good and service restrictions apply. Some merchants do not accept virtual cards. Physical card only included with a paid.

[Kai]

Karna membership plan she's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think.

[Host/Announcer]

About her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Xolair Omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe, life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see Zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair. This is an advertisement for Zolaire, paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

[Drew]

If you're a maintenance supervisor for a commercial property, you've had to deal with everything from leaky faucets to flickering light bulbs. But nothing's worse than that ancient boiler that's lived in the building since the day it was built 50 years ago. It's enough to make anyone lose their cool. That's where Grainger comes in.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

With industrial grade products and dependable, fast.

[Drew]

Delivery, Grainger can help with any challenge from worn out components to everyday necessities. Call clickgranger.com or just stop by Granger.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

For the ones who get it done.

[Drew]

Par los grandes para los chicos, par los bajos y los altos, los pacifistas, los valientes para los octi mistas y.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Los pecimistas, los que valor and loyaventro.

[Drew]

Para los que estanlejos, los que no.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Vendelejos, ilos que no vendeca para los.

[Drew]

Introvertidos y los extrovertidos para los que bienzan y los queasin para los que.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Noso mosrado en el camino Coca Cola.

[Drew]

Paratodos.

[Host/Announcer]

What is chronic migraine? It's 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox Onobotulinum Toxinae prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not approved for adults with migraine who have 14 or fewer headache days a month. Ask your doctor about Botox Botox is.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

A prescription medicine injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, Myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton Syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

[Host/Announcer]

Talk to your doctor and visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Or should I say welcome to a new episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Kai]

Oh my God, the vibe on this guy.

[Drew]

Like no, I like so many car troubles. We got hit by a car. Roll the security camera footage. We got that.

Driver'S okay to clarify.

[Kai]

Everyone walked away okay. It was really sad. But me and Drew stayed in Texas the past week rebuilding the cafe. So the cafe is fine. The guy who did it was fine.

[Drew]

And you built the wall?

[Kai]

Yeah, I famously built the wall in Texas.

But Drew is being such A bratty bitch baby pissy pants because he's had.

[Drew]

The worst car troubles. Yeah, like. Like I don't know what transpose spirits I upset. I don't know whose toes I stepped on.

[Kai]

That's all that talking about the bus.

[Drew]

No, I really manifested this, y'.

[Kai]

All.

[Drew]

Like I really. I really manifested this. So let me just. Let me just run you through it. I. I could talk about this for the whole hour, but I won't. I'm just gonna keep it short and not let you.

[Kai]

Cuz I've heard enough and I just love you and I think it's funny.

[Drew]

So I'll let you again. But basically.

I was driving home from the gym and I was fully on FaceTime. Like I own that. I was FaceTiming and driving like phone up in the window. Like everybody that drove past could see Josiah on FaceTime. Like fully doing that. I own up to it. Naughty Bad. Don't do that. I know that was bad. Got pulled over. Got a ticket. Haven't seen how much that ticket's gonna be yet. So we'll figure you on the spot. No, I guess.

[Kai]

Hope you're ma.

You're hella guilty.

[Drew]

Well, no and no. It's crazy because I left Josiah on FaceTime while he was talking to me. And he walked up and he was like, you know, I pulled you over and I was like, yeah. And he was like, yeah, you were on. You're on FaceTime. He like corrected himself.

[Kai]

And then like, oh, you're dumb as hell.

[Drew]

You're cooked. And then I was like, oh, I should probably. I would have hung up so fast.

[Kai]

And thrown my phone at the back windshield.

[Drew]

I never. I never like, I've never been a sunglass guy, but now I'm a sunglasses guy after the wedding. And.

I wore sunglasses the whole time. Like while I was a little dickhead. No, I was such a little shit. And I was like laughing and I was like not taking it seriously at all. But I was just so like what the fuck ever. Well then I go to a friend's house and park my car out front in a tow away zone at 6:00am to 6:00pm I wake up at 5:30am.

[Kai]

Like, I like literally can't imagine that right now unless I drew it out. Like I would need to see that.

[Drew]

Physically park it there. It's a toway zone because the. There's like a building being remodeled and so they need to park it yourself.

[Kai]

You were going to be able to move your car before 6am?

[Drew]

No, I knew. I knew I wasn't going to do it. But I woke up.

[Kai]

You knew it was a wrap, but you didn't. You didn't. You didn't anticipate.

[Drew]

I didn't anticipate what was coming.

[Kai]

I didn't anticipate what was going to happen.

[Drew]

I parked my car there and I was like, you know, like, if I get a parking ticket, not that big of a deal. Like, small price to pay. Like, I just, I need to get out of this car. I've been driving all day. So I park the car there. I wake up automatically at 5:43 in the morning. I don't have an alarm set or nothing. I, like, look and I look at my phone and I'm like, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. So I go back to sleep. Then I wake up and I get a notification on my phone saying, suspicious activity near your car.

[Kai]

Dude, you know what? It God woke your ass up. He woke your sinful ass.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Up.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kai]

And you still denied. You like a little iPad, baby. When God called, you denied.

[Drew]

Yeah, I hung up fast as I said, no, no, no, no, no. So then I, like, get a notification at like 9am she pulls up to my car and gives me a ticket. And I was like, okay, at least it's a ticket and I'm not getting towed. Like, I'll just stay for a little bit longer.

[Kai]

Do not tell me this story is a one, two, three strikes. You're out.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then I did not hang out.

[Kai]

I did not know this. I did not know this.

[Drew]

No. I need to make it abundantly clear. I am well aware that all of this is my fault. Like, I know that I had every opportunity to make.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

It actually was like, mine.

[Kai]

I'm not kidding.

[Drew]

I'll tell y' all after. But it actually was. But like, I.

I cannot, Like, I. I did this to myself. I even wrote a poem about it.

[Kai]

A poem?

[Drew]

I did spoken word poetry last night.

I was so. I was crashing out down such a.

[Kai]

Bad mental spiral that you start keeping fortune cookies.

[Drew]

I was crashing out so hard. It was crazy. Actually, I'm not. It's embarrassing. It's about like, everything being my fault. But I did use the.

Etchings of my sigil on the universal clay, and I thought that was very clever.

[Enya]

This is something that you wrote? Yeah. Okay. That's, I think, the scariest thing you've ever said.

[Drew]

I was like, the decay is mine. It's a mandelbrot fract, fractal, infinitely repeating My pain across the universe.

[Kai]

I'm so confused. Like, those are words.

[Drew]

Y. I'm crazy. I'm losing it. I'm literally about to start crying. Remember? Hey, I have.

[Kai]

I. I need to bring you back. Hey. A year ago, around this time, we went to a dinner and you walked away and you were like, this person's crazy.

[Drew]

The.

[Kai]

It is nuts.

[Drew]

I have. I showed the podcast that some schizophrenic, like, went into my notes app and put, like, the craziest shit I have ever seen in my entire life, but.

[Kai]

I actually think I'm gonna throw up. Okay, so you're fucking Clay Mandolin, whatever the fuck that means. Keep going.

[Drew]

So I get another. I get a notification saying, like, alert. Very suspicious acting.

[Kai]

Very.

[Drew]

Very spicious activity is going on. And I checked the live cameras and this is what I see. And here I see five camera angles of my car speeding down the road getting towed. And I laughed. I. My knee jerk reaction was to laugh because I was like a ticket, a parking ticket. And.

[Kai]

Oh, two. Two was this Sunday.

[Drew]

This was yesterday. Two days ago. Two days. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

[Kai]

I'm not kidding. Okay. I wanted to say this to you, but I, like, I could call my mom right now for proof. I could call my mom. No, Sunday was the 30th.

[Drew]

They don't play about the first of the year. The end of the month, they got to meet their quotas.

[Kai]

I mean, low key, but. I took my mom to get a massage on her birthday for the first time to the now massage in Wynwood. And.

[Drew]

And who, When? Where would.

Where would werewolf. Oh, fuck.

[Kai]

One, two, three strikes, bitch. You never learn. A bitch who never learns.

[Drew]

And I'm not done.

[Kai]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Drew]

But you.

[Kai]

I took my mom to her first massage ever. I promised we were going to be in a room together because I anticipated that we would. We were not. And I felt really bad, but I was like, honestly, this is good for her. Like, I do believe she's a woman who, like, feel like new experience. Experiences that are a bit uncomfortable, but good for her. Whatever, whatever, whatever. I walk myself through that anxiety trip because I'm like, laying down naked and thinking, oh, my God, I've just abandoned my mom on her birthday and she thought we were going to be together and we're not. My mind drifts off. I'm like, oh, my God, awesome massage. Needed this. And then I remember that my dumb ass parked across the street. Miami is infamous for towing. Like, if. If you think LA is bad, Miami live, breathe and die by Tower, I left the car in this parking lot, and I didn't pay for parking. So for a full 15 minutes of my massage, I was literally just, like, mortified that my car was getting towed. And I was like, on my mom's birthday, I'm literally gonna ruin her birthday. And then it didn't happen. But then you sent me that video, and it made me laugh hard as. And I told Natalie, and she laughed really hard.

[Drew]

Okay, good. I'm glad there's, like, at least something good coming out of this traumatic interrupt with that. No, I'm glad you did, because I'm talking for 15 minutes.

[Kai]

In my eyes, in my mind's eyes, I was seeing your car being disrupted.

[Drew]

No, you could sense it. You could sense it. It was, like, the wrong. But no, the thing is, I have. I. You could go back onto this podcast. I have literally begged for this. Like, I'm not kidding. I have, like, hands praying to the gods that be beg to get my car towed to turn into a cube. I've been begging to be. I wanted it to be cubed. Little did I know that that is quite literally my reality. Like, it. It is.

[Host/Announcer]

Oh.

[Drew]

So I watched the live stream on my car getting towed. I watched it.

[Kai]

I watched it on live stream. You gave it a galaxy.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I donated galaxies. I. Actually, before that, before I tuned in, I sprinted to the spot. I was sprinting me. I was running, like, fast as fuck. I won't. I will. I won't run in an airport if I'm missing a flight, but apparently I'll run to a fucking tow truck. He was gone by the time I got there. And I taste blood in my lungs. It was crazy. The vape is really getting to me. I taste like blood in my mouth. And, like, also like, vape juice from a vape I bought, like, four months ago.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Like a flavored vape. I've been smoking mint recently, and it.

[Kai]

Was, like, still tasting guava.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. It was giving guava. It's giving things.

[Kai]

Guava jam.

[Drew]

It's giving. It's giving things.

But, yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.

But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but.

Go back, watch the live stream on my car getting towed. Was laughing, was lolling. I was like, okay, like, this will be really expensive, but, like, at least I have this funny footage and I can talk about it on the podcast. So I, like, wait. And I keep checking the database, and my car is not appearing in the database, and I'm like, what is going on? So then I just, like, drive my Ass over there. I get to the window and roll the clip.

[Kai]

Model, WiFi or Blackpool, New Hampshire, right?

[Drew]

Yes, like, nine.

[Kai]

Hold on it for registration.

[Drew]

Oh, really?

[Kai]

Yes, it's been expired for over six months.

[Drew]

Wait, so what does that mean?

[Kai]

So that means that you have to.

[Drew]

Go register your car and get a.

[Kai]

Release order from that office. Otherwise you cannot take the vehicle.

[Drew]

Okay, thank you. They say that.

[Kai]

What? Clip? I mean, I have clips.

[Drew]

No, I have clips.

[Kai]

But, like, I'm here.

[Drew]

And I also. My dad. My dad was like, you need to get your license fixed before you get clipped again. And I was like, why are you saying that? Where did you learn that?

[Kai]

Before you get slimed out?

[Drew]

Yeah, before you get slimed out. In Milwaukee. I got slimed out in Milwaukee.

But I. I pull up and they say that my expert or my registration has been expired for six months, and I have a suspension on my car. So I've been driving a suspended fucking vehicle for God knows how long with. No, I just put that registration sticker on there. I just put it on there, like, two months ago because I remember vividly because I got made fun of for it.

[Kai]

You got made fun of for why?

[Drew]

Because it was, like, three years expired or some, like.

But no, I. I had. I had all of the stickers. I just don't put them on my car because I'm scared they're gonna get stolen off. So I had them in my car.

[Kai]

That's why you're supposed to crisscross into it with a razor blade so nobody could peel it up.

[Drew]

Yeah, but.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. I guess. Yeah, that makes sense. But this. No, this makes more sense in Miami. But, like, yeah, the last time I waited so long to get my register because I. I. As much as I'm making fun of you, I'm so bad.

[Drew]

Yeah, y'. All. Let this be a cautionary tale. Get your life in order, because y', all, this story only gets worse. Yeah, it only gets worse.

[Kai]

But last year, last, like, holidays when I was in Miami, I renewed the registration on the car that my parents have now. And literally, I had been waiting so long to do that, finally did it. The very next day, the tags got stolen. So then it makes you think, like, at what cost?

[Drew]

The universe shoved you. That's what happened to me. The universe shoved me.

So.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Did y' all see Sydney Sweeney?

[Drew]

Oh, my God. She thought that was, like, a war crime. Like, did you see it, Kai?

[Enya]

No, bro.

[Kai]

You're dumb as, like, she literally.

[Drew]

She was literally, like, like, scared to say, six, seven, because she thought it was like, a slur.

[Kai]

Okay, somebody made a good point that they were like, oh, maybe she. They actually. No, because her whole thing is boobs. And.

[Drew]

Isn'T she Bob?

[Kai]

I named it Bob Bob. Like, her whole thing is that. But somebody was like, Maybe she thought he meant, like, 69.

[Drew]

Well, no, that's what I thought. But I was like, no, I think she literally thinks, like, 67 is a slur. I don't know. But that made me laugh so hard. But drive my ass to the tow company. They don't let me get my car. They're like, you have to go here, here, and here. Get your shit figured out. Come back. So I woke up the next morning.

Mind you, already $100 in Ubers, because I was all the way across LA, so already up to $100, remember? Parking ticket. Parking ticket, citation, towed. All in one day. All in one day. What did I do? I literally. What did I do?

[Kai]

You illegally parked your car. Actually, it's pretty simple.

[Drew]

No, it's actually. It's actually crazy.

[Kai]

It's pretty simple. You didn't follow the.

[Drew]

Literally last week, I had a thought where I was like, wow, I'm so lucky. I just, like, park illegally all the time and nothing ever happens. And it all happened in one day. Don't use your phone while you drive. But, like.

That call was very cathartic. It was worth it.

[Kai]

I think parking tickets are.

[Drew]

And I think towing is the most sinister.

[Kai]

Towing is evil. No, towing is evil.

[Drew]

Like, the fact that I had to pay $442. Oh, so choosing to today be somebody.

[Kai]

Who tows cars is like, choosing to be tsa to be Hitler.

[Drew]

It's the same thing. That's. It's the same thing.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So tow truck drivers and Nazis, same thing. Barely any difference.

[Enya]

I've been.

[Drew]

Barely any.

[Enya]

I've been saying this.

[Drew]

Yeah. So I woke up this morning and I was like, I'm gonna have a big old fat day. I'm gonna get all my done. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it with a smile. I'm going to get this fucking car back. And, like, I woke up in such a good mood, and I was like, this is all my fault. Like, I have no one to blame but myself. Like, literally, that was my mindset. And I was like, I just got to get it done. Like, I can't even be upset. Like, I just literally have to get it done. Like, it's a.

[Kai]

There's no other way. There's no way over it. You just got it.

[Drew]

My first line of action was to call the tow truck company, be like, hey, how long does my car have to sit? They said 30 days. I was like, cool, no problem. But then I realized that none of the utilities, Internet, My bank statements, like, no important documents, like proving our. My residency in this house exist. They're either in your name with my payment information, or my name on our lease agreement. Isn't my government name. It's just Drew. So they won't accept that. And then my bank statement is, like, the address on there is, like, my business manager's office. So, like, literally, I don't exist in this house. So I was, like, kind of freaking out, and I was like, okay, wait.

[Kai]

I can just go Queen of the castle right here.

[Drew]

I was like, I can just go to spectrum.com.

[Kai]

You don't piss me off, because I'm gonna get you taken out of this house. How? Call the police.

[Drew]

You're gonna get me taken out.

[Kai]

I called the police. I say, he doesn't live here. They'll look it up.

[Drew]

He doesn't. I don't live here. No squatters. Rice.

[Kai]

And then I'm selling all your.

[Drew]

I know. That's, like, literally a thought I had today. I was like, I need to sell my. But I need to restart. I'm not kidding. I was freaking the fuck out.

[Kai]

Cleanse. Cleanse.

[Drew]

No, I really need to take a bath. And, like, imagine that the water is, like, cleansing, like, pulling the bad out of me, the bad energy, the bad spirits, but.

[Kai]

Except the bath is in my room, and you're gonna be, like, going through that, and then I'm gonna be like, do you mind if I pee? And then come in there, and it's gonna be, like, really, like, distorting.

[Drew]

Yeah. Destabilizing. Where was I? Oh. So I started doing research. I was like, oh, oh, no, not a problem. I'll just change the address on my banking app, and I'll change the address on. Or the name on the Spectrum to my name. Wipe my hands clean. Good to go. I can go get my. Because I have to get a new id. I've had a California or I've had a Texas ID this entire time that I've lived here. And I need to get a California ID to get my car back because they don't believe that I live here. So I was like, okay, I need proof of residency.

[Kai]

Dude, it is crazy you've had a Texas license this long. No offense.

[Drew]

I know. And I just got pulled Over. I got pulled over over like literally two days ago. And they didn't say a word. They don't give a fuck. They really don't care.

But I start doing research and I realize that.

Once I change my name on Spectrum and change the address on my banking app, I have to wait a month to get the letterhead with my new address and name. So by then, which would have been the 2nd of January, but by then my car would have been turned into a little baby cube because it only holds it for 30 days. So I was like, what, would they.

[Kai]

Have sold it or crushed it?

[Drew]

They would have probably auctioned it. But I like saying like the visual of it getting turned into a cube is way funnier.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

So my friend's text. Let's do a quick little weekend getaway. Super chill, right? Famous last words. Suddenly someone's buying a bonfire outfit. The Airbnb costs more than my car and apparently there's a boat now, literally, when did this turn into Coachella? That's when I pull out my Klarna card. Swipe done. And if I want it off my plate now, I can pay in full or I can pay later. And there's no group chat math to figure it out. Oh also, my budget's still breathing. No IOUs, no stress. Because the Klarna card isn't just a card, it's how you survive. Friends, super chill plans, dinners, outfits, random trips you didn't plan for covered plus no credit impact when you apply. So next time the plan spiral. Stay in control. Learn more about klarna [e-mail] debit flex card pay later Plans issued by Webbank Deposits in your balance account are held at WebBank, Member FDIC, anywhere visa is accepted. Certain merchant product good and service restrictions apply. Some merchants do not accept virtual cards, physical card only included with a paid Klarna membership plan.

[Kai]

Getting a last minute gift can be really difficult, especially if it's one that you want to hold meaning. But aura frames has got you covered. Everyone I know and love is getting an aura frame because there is nothing better to me than a gift that is useful and keeps people in contact. I just love the idea of my mom and dad no longer filling my text thread with old photos of myself that I look at once and then never see again. But instead they can upload all these very embarrassing photos of me in my very awkward time in my life that I hate to reflect on onto a frame everyone in my house can see. So instead of it being this odd thing I forget we can all talk about it.

[Drew]

You can't wrap togetherness, but you can.

[Kai]

Frame it for a limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get 35 off Aura's bestselling Carver Mat frames, named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code Intercom at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code Intercom. This deal is exclusive to listeners, and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Hello Hello, I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast smart talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO Arvind Krishna, and I asked.

[Drew]

Him how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business?

[Malcolm Gladwell]

My one advice to them Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys and the side. For example. If anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today with the goal of being 70% more productive. Yeah, so we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say you can leverage what we did. We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process. Because the biggest change is not technology. It's getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com smarttalks.

[Host/Announcer]

Stay cozy, stay home and save big online during Lowe's December deal drops because, honestly, why go anywhere when the deals come to you? Check this out. Lowe's is going to give you two free select tools from dewalt, Craftsman or Cobalt when you buy a select battery or combo kit. Yep, two tools free. It's basically a holiday miracle. Plus, rewards members get free standard shipping all month long. Yet another reason not to leave your couch. Kick back, click around. Let the savings roll in. Shop New December deal drops on Lowes.com every week. This month, fresh deals, cozy vibes, zero effort. What is chronic migraine? It's 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox Onobotulinum toxinae prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not approved for adults with migraine who have 14 or fewer headache days a month. Ask your doctor about Botox.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Botox Botox is a prescription medicine injected by your doctor Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

[Host/Announcer]

Talk to your doctor and visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

[Drew]

I'm wrapping this shit up. So I go to the dmv. I miss my first appointment and then I get in line again. I miss that one. And while I was waiting in line for the third appointment, I got hit on in a way that I have never experienced in my life. I got flirted with in the craziest, craziest way. Like, literally, like there was. There was actual. Like, it was a girl. I should. I should start with that. It was a girl. Not gonna happen. Literally will literally never.

[Kai]

Wait, can I please explain this from my side?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

I'm. I just got home. I just arrived back from Miami a.

[Drew]

A.

[Kai]

Blur.

[Drew]

The screen. Kai, I need to hit my vape.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Kai]

That. Oh, God. Oh, my God. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. So I was upstairs. I know Drew's going through all this because Drew, at 9:45am said sent me literally a wall of text freaking the out about his car. And I was like, omg. First of all, I just wok. Like, I literally was just like, oh, my God, this sucks for you because I woke up in such a good.

[Drew]

Mood and I look ugly today.

[Kai]

And I was.

[Enya]

No, you don't. You don't look ugly.

[Drew]

Okay, thank you.

[Kai]

You seriously did.

[Drew]

You don't know. I've, like, been taking videos of pictures of myself. That's how hot I think I am right now, bruh.

[Kai]

Look at my phone.

[Enya]

Text with you looked really good in it too.

[Kai]

Like.

[Enya]

Him just telling you to die.

[Kai]

No, he said he wants to die.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew]

I said kill myself. Kill myself. Kill myself.

[Kai]

What are we looking at?

[Drew]

This is me. And dude, you look really good. Don't I look good?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, you're fucking disgusting.

[Enya]

And also, it's kind of A cinematic shot.

[Drew]

No, it's gorgeous. It was beautiful in there. But the sounds. They had construction sounds going on the whole time in the dmv. It was horrible. Sorry, go ahead.

[Enya]

But you're playing it over.

[Kai]

Yeah, I know he's going through all this because, like, I've just been, like, getting calls for updates. Okay? He calls me and he goes, I just got hit on. And he's like, first of all, I just missed another appointment. Second of all, I just got hit on in the craziest way ever. It was so crazy. And I was like, okay, what? And then he was like, it was a girl. And I was like, oh, my God, that's so funny. Did you tell her you were gay? And he was like.

No, I. No, I didn't. I didn't tell her that. So this woman is out there walking around with a phone number, thinking it is Drew's phone number. And that Drew eats box.

[Enya]

Is that what you said to her nom.

[Drew]

Yeah, I said, I E. Boxed.

[Kai]

Yeah. He said, no.

[Drew]

She asked me for my phone number and was like, let's, like, hang out. And I was like, okay. And I gave her my mom's phone number. And then I texted my mom in her face and was like, hey, if you get a number, don't say, who is this? Said, don't text back. I'm a bad person. I know. I know. I should.

[Kai]

Why wouldn't you have just been like, girl, I suck dick like mad?

[Drew]

Well, no, I was. I was hinting at it because I was like, yeah, we can.

[Kai]

Yeah, I was like, yeah, that's because, like, what are you supposed to do? Be like, I'm gay.

[Drew]

I know. Like, what if she stabbed me in the fucking throat? People are crazy.

[Kai]

But I'm sorry. Hey, I'm sorry to jump to. Like, I shouldn't.

[Drew]

I should thank. But it is really weird.

[Kai]

You gave her your mom's.

[Drew]

I was. I was queening out with her. Like, I was like, oh, Kiki. But it's 25.

[Kai]

About to be 20, 26.

[Drew]

Everyone, listen. It gets real suspicious. I didn't tell either of y' all this, so.

I never said anything about where I'm from. I never once said a word about where I grew up.

[Kai]

Explain why you were there, like, with the dmv.

[Drew]

And I didn't say a word about where I from. And then she randomly goes like, oh, you're, like, from Texas. Like, you said, small town, right? And I was like.

No, I didn't say that. And then I rewind the whole conversation and I was like, wait, you can do that? Yes. I stopped time. I stopped time. Hey.

[Kai]

And you went like this.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

All gay people can do that.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's actually really thing crazy. That's what. Also I saw this article today about like why Avatar isn't a cultural hit. And they. It's because like gay men can't be horny over it. Basically. It's like, what are we going to be attracted to like giant like agave people or whatever the fuck they're called.

[Enya]

The agave people. They're called the Na'. Vi.

[Drew]

The Na'.

[Enya]

Vi.

[Drew]

But.

My eyebrow raised, but I didn't really think anything of it. But then I like go back through the conversation and I was like, at that point had you given her this is suspicious, the number? No, I was like, this is a suspicious, suspiciously good conversation. I was like, she was naming like every one of my top artists. Like she like knew everything. Like she asked like small town in Texas. She was like, it was so weird. I was like, what the. Like, it's like literally like weird, like knowledge.

[Kai]

And that's why you couldn't tell her you were gay because she was Loki, the girl of your dreams?

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[Kai]

Like girls who gave big boom little wig listening to Radiohead.

[Drew]

Well, that's what she said. She was saying Radiohead and then we were like. I was like, girl that listens to Radiohead. What? This is crazy. Girls don't listen to Radiohead. They only listen because I say I listen to Radiohead.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

And that's what she did. Basically. I'm inferring that I think she might have been a listener of the podcast and I think she might have known who I was. At the very least, you think she.

[Kai]

Might have been a listener to the podcast and that's why you couldn't say you were gay?

[Drew]

Well, no, that's why I couldn't. Give me her my number. I didn't even like it even occur to me that I could have stopped it by saying I was gay. Actually it didn't. I was just scared of hurting her feelings. A. Yeah, I didn't like cuz she, she came up to me and she started the conversation. She initiated. She was like, I like your shoes. And she was like, are those Onasuka tigers? And I was like, yeah. And she's like, how did you get them? And I was like, I was early. I got them five years ago. No, they're ban. Like you can't buy them if you're an American now. I'm not even kidding. You Can't.

[Kai]

Like, wasn't there a store right, like, there?

[Drew]

They're not in America anymore. You can't even buy them off the Japanese website. They don't ship them here.

[Kai]

I thought they were.

[Drew]

Oh, it might be back. They might have brought it back, but I know they were banned. Not banned, but stopped selling to Americans for a while, but.

[Kai]

Well, they were banned because of the.

[Drew]

No Shade. I was first. I don't give a. I'll claim it. I was first. I was first.

[Kai]

Actually, Loki, my dad, was first. I just posted a picture of him on my story and he's wearing some dark red ones. Were they.

[Drew]

Yeah, these are, I think, basics, too.

They're wrestler shoes. Kill Bill was first.

[Kai]

Nacho Libre was first.

[Drew]

Nachio.

[Kai]

Okay, so you got your car or.

[Drew]

No. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

After you let a woman on. Oh, my God. As if you couldn't ask for more reasons for God to strike you down. You lead a woman on.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

You lied to a woman.

[Drew]

No, I know. It was. I. I know that was bad.

[Kai]

No, it's okay.

[Drew]

I'm kidding.

[Kai]

I literally don't give a.

[Drew]

But I go back in. My number is called, like, five years.

[Kai]

She can live without you.

[Drew]

Oh, also.

Nevermind. I won't say that. The way she was looking at me when she walked away, I was like, oh, she might really think this could be a thing. Like, she, like, turned over her shoulder and, like, walked into her car, her dad's car, and then, like, looked out the window at me as she was driving away and she was like, good luck. But anyways, I get. Oh, my God, my number's called, like, five minutes later. And I didn't miss it, but I think it was divine intervention.

[Kai]

What you can't miss.

[Drew]

I think it was a universe.

I missed it so many times. I missed it so many times.

[Enya]

You missed it because you were hitting on someone?

[Drew]

Yeah, because I was getting.

[Kai]

While you were in there.

[Drew]

I was there.

[Kai]

I'm imagining a world where Drew's, like.

Just can't seem to make it to one DMV on time.

You are such a little bitch.

[Drew]

Like, no, no, no, no, no. The first one. The first one, I was late by 30 seconds. I'm not kidding. I watched my number go away. I watched the number poof off the screen. The second one, I was fully there.

I was fully there. But.

[Kai]

Oh, my gosh, you are amazing. You are seriously fucking amazing.

[Drew]

But I think it was divine intervention.

[Kai]

And I think it was paths unwritten. Like, you literally, you just, like, it's all My fault.

[Drew]

Like, it's literally just my fault. I can't. I cannot express that enough. If I would have just handled 20% of this a year ago, when I was starting to handle it, like, none of this would have happened.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But now we get parking passes for the street because my car is registered to the house, so.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Universe just gets even better for me.

[Drew]

The universe shoves. But I get to the DMV teller, and she. When she started off mean as I would be mean as to, like, dealing with people calling you an all day. Like, I would literally, like, they would take everything. I mean, not to hit someone. But she started off mean. And then I watched her, like, kind of get into this, like, weird little, like, back and forth with one of her co workers, and she said something in Spanish, and I could tell. I knew what she was saying, but I didn't know what she was saying. And then she whips her head around and rolls her eyes and then starts typing on her computer really hard. And I'm just laughing. And she's like, oh, no. Can you speak Spanish? And I was like, no. She's like, can you read lips? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, oh, no, I'm in trouble then. And I was like, I'm not a snitch. And then we laughed together. And then she became the nicest woman I have ever interacted with at a bureaucratic agency ever in my life. She was so cool, and she completely flipped my day. She, like, made everything okay. She was like, okay, what you're gonna do is you're gonna go to this kiosk right there. You're gonna put all your information in. Oh, wait, you have to, like, change your address. Let me change your address real quick. Oh, my gosh. You have a suspension because you're. And she was just, like, flow state like, helping me. And I was like, I needed this. I needed this so, so bad.

And so she gets, like, all of my, like, registration figured out. But, like, I wasn't supposed to be able to get my registration today. Like, I fully wasn't. And I was able to because of this woman. But I.

Like.

Leave and I go home and drop your car off. And then I get into a car. It's an hour and seven minutes to the tow place. And the entire time, I'm, like, buzzing. I'm like, yes, I'm getting my car. Yes. Well, I get there. They're so mean to me. You didn't go get the. The slip. You didn't do this. And I Was like, oh, no. But I got the registration like that. Like, she yesterday told me I could just get the registration and come. And she was like, no, she didn't. And then this one, the girl that told me I could do that just, like, turned away. I'm not kidding. Anya, the girl that told me, like, she just, like. Like, you know, like, sus. Dog. Like, dog, like, looking at camera, like, that's the energy she had because she knows. She told me that shit. So then they gave me a fucking paper and circle this location. Like, right next door to 1304. I literally was right next door. It was crazy.

[Host/Announcer]

Wow.

[Drew]

It was crazy. It was very jarring. Orgy. Orgy house. Yeah, Orgy house.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, what a dark, dark place.

[Drew]

The bubbles in the windows. Yikes.

[Kai]

Damn. Also, like.

Looking back, having a window that showed airplanes next to buildings was.

[Drew]

So bad for our mental health.

[Kai]

Like, we literally would like, it's happening.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, it's gonna happen. It's finally happening.

[Kai]

I'm not kidding. That one's so ghost. Like, every.

[Drew]

Every day, all day, every day would, like, spike our face, and we would run to the windows and we would be like, oh, my God. We had to get to the roof to watch the building fall. Like, we really believed in that shit. Damn it, my leg is showing again.

[Kai]

What's wrong with that? Are you Monistat or whatever the it's called?

[Drew]

Monistat.

[Kai]

What's the kind of Christian the dresses? Montessori. Montesino.

[Drew]

Like, Monistat.

[Kai]

Monastat. Oh, that's yeast.

[Drew]

That's meds.

[Kai]

Oh, my gosh. Wow, that burns. Itching and burning. Itching and burning. Itching and burning.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I cannot believe it. But anyways, I go there. They're like, you have to go to this other place. I go to this other place. I go get the documents. By now, y', all, I have spent fourteen hundred dollars. No, thirteen. Thirteen hundred dollars to get this car back because I had to pay 2 parking tickets. 4. 4 parking tickets. 2 that were gone, two that were gotten out front of our house, and then two that I got for registration and parking in a spot I wasn't supposed to be. Four parking tickets. Then I had to pay for the renewal of my. Whatever it's called. $936. My registration renewal. Then I get to the tow place, and I'm finally ready to get my car back. They're like 442 more dollars.

I almost spent two grand, and I haven't even paid for the parking ticket. I Could have bought like a dildo that legs eggs up my ass. Like the jelly eggs that melt.

[Kai]

You could have started a business because you could have bought like a mold kit and everything.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Made your own.

[Drew]

Yes. Yeah.

[Kai]

And you would have made. You actually would have made money back. That would have been an investment.

[Drew]

I actually, like, I hate this car. It is so demonic. I want it dead. I want the battery.

[Kai]

See, here you go. Not learning a single goddamn lesson. Like, right back to it. Right back to it. No. Oh, my God. You know what? This really put me in this perspective where although this isn't my dream car and I don't necessarily align with it and it gives me an odd vibe, this is my car and I should. I should be happy I have a car. No. Back to wanting it to be a cube hoe. It was literally in cue to cube town today.

[Drew]

In cue to cube.

[Kai]

Like, it was literally in Q2. Cube.

[Drew]

Q2. It was. It was in Q2. Cube in Q2.

[Kai]

That was about to be your car with a crush machine.

[Drew]

I really would have like, if they were like, okay, your car is getting cubed. I was like, can the very least, can I pay you 100 to watch it happen?

The bitch is dead. It's the fucking wicked witch of la.

[Kai]

Oh my God. That would actually be so fun.

[Drew]

But long story short. Long story long, I got my car back and I drove it back and I didn't learn a lesson because I did text on the way home. I texted Kai and Inya saying I was going to be there at 4:30 ETA.

[Kai]

That's not bad.

[Drew]

4:30 ETA.

[Enya]

That'S pretty concise.

[Drew]

What's your ETA? Tell me, what's our ETA?

Was that new jeans ETA, I think, yeah.

[Kai]

Oh.

Well, I had an awesome day. I had an easy flight.

[Drew]

No, you clean off the couch. Azul's mass. Talk about Azul's.

[Kai]

But see, a lot of people would be like, oh my God, she's such a negative soul. I. I say I had a good day and I was steam cleaning out of.

Me and Drew have had like an uncomfortable couch for five years. The worst.

[Drew]

The worst couch.

[Kai]

Whatever.

[Drew]

We even visually ugly.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

No. I liked that couch. Visually idf.

I like this.

[Drew]

Like, this is stunning.

[Kai]

Well, this.

[Drew]

This is a piece of architecture.

[Kai]

Yeah. This is like, wow. Like, wow, look at what we've been able to come up to. That was like, this is what we can have.

[Drew]

Also the amount of chocolate almonds.

[Kai]

Oh my God, I love that fucking couch. I don't give a fog. But it was really Uncomfortable. So nobody liked to hang out in the living room. And finally I was like, you know what? Fudge it. I'm going to be an adult and buy a nice couch for the house. Like, it's going to. It's going to be so worth it. I splurge. I. Literally, the day this happened, I was just showing my dad pictures of the couch, and I was like, yeah, this is the couch I got for the house.

[Drew]

And you bought it all by herself, too.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying.

[Drew]

It's her couch.

[Kai]

It was an adult purchase. Very big. Like, I'm gonna have to have this couch for the rest of my life. But.

[Drew]

Hard pill to swallow now that it's covered in.

[Kai]

But I'm. Josiah is nice enough to come and check on Azul, and he, like, calls me and it's all fine. We're, like, laughing on the phone. I'm in the living room with my mom and sisters, and, like, he's saying hi to all of them. Whatever. Funny, funny. He hangs up. He goes to leave the house, and then he calls me back, and it's not. I don't see Josiah's gorgeous blonde hair and smiling face. I see my couch covered. And not one, not two, but three, four.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Four.

[Drew]

Four piles of.

[Kai]

Four piles of.

[Drew]

Four piles.

[Kai]

If you think about it, this is my karma for putting that ass sign outside and being so aggressive and taking my angers out on the world. Even though that anger was rightfully put into me, I don't have to, like, let it out like that. And that. That was literally. That was my karma for that. And he all over the couch. And Jo, I love Josiah. I literally. I unironically need to give him a banger gift for Christmas because he picked up all the.

[Drew]

All four piles.

[Kai]

All four piles of. And I just had to sit there and watch. Also, I didn't tell you this, but my dad from the other room, I don't know if you remember when I walked off camera, because my dad called me. It literally. He called me to be like, tell him to kick that cat out of the house.

[Drew]

No, literally, he literally was like, tell.

[Kai]

Him to get rid of that.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

That's.

[Drew]

That's exactly the energy I was on. I was like. And, like, I wasn't supposed to get home the next day, but I got home the next day. I walk in and I'm like, damn. Like, Josiah cleaned it up, but it still smells really shitty in here. The first thing I see when I walk into my house is a fifth pile of shit. He left Another pile of shit for four, five days of shit. Just, like, on the couch, all on the same cushion. That motherfucker. And it took everything in me not to leave the front door open and be like, oh, sorry. Like. Like, I wasn't even home. Like, it must have. Like, the wind must have blew it open or something and let him out. I literally. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

And then he was gonna facetime me with the door wide open and be like, oh, my God, you left the door open.

[Drew]

You left the door open when you left for Miami's gone to. Everything's in the house. No one stole anything, but Azul is gone. How did this happen?

[Kai]

I am not kidding. But, yeah, today I was steam cleaning.

The couch, and that machine cost me $200. So on top of my expensive couch, imagine how I feel my couch is in the house.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That it's not susceptible to strangers. Like.

Wow.

[Drew]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Kai]

Like, my couch? Like, your car has to be out in the world. There's, like, strangers all around it. Like, that's kind of like getting your car towed is, like, a thing you accept when you have a car. Like, I guess if you have a couch and a pet, you kind of just have to accept that your pet is gonna treat everywhere couch like a litter box, because your pet is a piece of brat and doesn't like being left alone for more than two days.

[Drew]

It's crazy. And then I got home after he everywhere, and, like, I was hissing at him. I'm not gonna lie. I was literally hissing at him. I was like, get the away. Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Well, when he dropped, Josie went and found him under my bed, and I yelled at him for, like, 10 minutes straight.

[Drew]

And I his at him. I was hissing at him through FaceTime because I was on the FaceTime call, too.

[Kai]

Yeah, Papa was there, too. It's a reprimanded on the phone.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

And then today, he's, like, being so nice, and I literally. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Drew]

He thinks he won. He thinks five times on the couch is what brought us home.

[Kai]

Home.

[Drew]

That's how his mind works.

[Kai]

Oh, I know.

[Drew]

That's how his mind works. So he's like, he's getting rewarded with us being home.

[Kai]

I'm gonna. I'm not kidding. I was fantasizing because this all happened on the Sunday before Cyber Monday. And I really fantasized about going to chewy.com and seeing if they had a kennel like a cage. And I was fantasizing about locking a soul in the basement for, like, an hour when I Got back.

[Drew]

But, like, he's still, like, I still let him sleep with me. I pet him.

[Kai]

Like, I mean, yeah, I mean, I have. I'm not kidding. If you look at my camera roll, the only thing I've taken a picture of since I've gotten back is a zool.

[Drew]

Oh, he's so handsome.

Your jacket.

[Kai]

Oh, my gosh, guys.

I found.

[Drew]

I forgot to wear the other thing. Wait, I'll tell you after. We'll wear next episode.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally, it's not. This is literally such a miracle that I own this. I went back to Miami and I thought I was. I think I've said it on the podcast multiple times. I was really convinced when we got evicted. This was like something I had sent to Honduras because my family always, like, sends big boxes of. And I.

[Drew]

Sorry. I got flirted with by a girl today and that's all I can think about.

[Kai]

I'm right here.

[Drew]

I don't care.

[Kai]

I'm saying, like, choose, pick me.

[Drew]

Choose me.

[Kai]

Pick me.

I really thought this was in the closet of a random Honduran child's home. And when I was back in Miami.

My parents are going through our storage unit.

[Drew]

What's Miami?

[Kai]

You said it so real too. My parents have been going through our storage unit and my dad had sent me this picture and I'll insert it and it just said like, sweater something and a calculator. And I was like, okay, cool. There is nothing more obnoxious and annoying than a cryptic 15 year old going through a traumatic event because. Can you just be clear what's on the box? But I had taped that the up because I always have all talked to you about, like, me having that boss box. I had a box that I like that I had filled up.

With a bunch of mementos and stuff when we got evicted. And I didn't want to bring it into the new house.

So I wrapped it up in sweaters and. And then wrapped it up because I didn't want anyone to look through it.

Anyways, I found my One Direction varsity jacket from 2013.

[Drew]

My reaction to when you pulled it out, I literally. I literally.

[Kai]

I wish I saved it because he literally started crying. It is so freaky. I mean, it. For some reason, it's crazy. It made my parents cry, but it's because I used to wear this every single day.

[Drew]

You look like the pictures from 20.

[Kai]

Like third. No, 2012 to like 2014. I wore this every single day. It was the most exciting, expensive thing I had ever owned.

[Drew]

It probably is. I mean, let's have you looked at it on ebay?

[Kai]

No, but, you know, what's up is we are living in a really scary time. I pulled this out of that box, and first of all, the first thing I thought was what amazing quality this is. It's 80% cotton. Which to me, I was like, whoa, that's crazy.

Dom.

Is bad now. But yeah, I found my old jacket and I found so many things. And dude, oh, my God, I wish I brought that box back. I had left it at home because I just didn't have enough space to carry a bunch of. And I'm going back to Miami for Christmas anyway, so, like, I'll figure it out then.

[Drew]

So my friends text, let's do a quick little weekend getaway. Super chill, right? Famous last words. Suddenly someone's buying a bonfire outfit. The Airbnb costs more than my car, and apparently there's a boat now, literally, when did this turn into Coachella? That's when I pull out my Klarna card. Swipe done. And if I want it off my plate now, I can pay in full or I can pay later. And there's no group chat math to figure it out. Oh, also, my budget's still breathing. No IOUs, no stress. Because the Klarna card isn't just a card. It's how you survive. Friends, super chill plans, dinners, outfits, random trips you didn't plan for covered. Plus no credit impact when you apply. So next time, the plan spiral, stay in control. Learn more About [e-mail] Debit Flex Card Pay later plans issued by web bank. Deposits in your balance account are held at WebBank, Member FDIC, anywhere visa is accepted. Certain merchant product good and service restrictions apply. Some merchants do not accept virtual cards, physical card only included with a paid Klarna membership plan.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Hello.

[Enya]

Hello.

[Drew]

I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Smart talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO Arvind Krishna, and I asked.

[Drew]

Him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business?

[Malcolm Gladwell]

My one advice to them, pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example, if anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today with the goal of being 70% more productive.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

So we are not asking our clients to to be the first experiment on it. We say you can leverage what we did we're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process. Because the biggest change is not technology, it's getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com smarttalks.

[Host/Announcer]

Stay cozy, stay home and save big online during Lowe's December deal drops because honestly, why go anywhere when the deals come to you? Check this out. Lowe's is gonna give you two free select tools from dewalt, Craftsman or Cobalt when you buy a select battery or combo kit. Yep, two tools free. It's basically a holiday miracle. Plus rewards members get free standard shipping all month long. Yet another reason not to leave your couch. Kick back, click around, Let the savings roll in. Shop New December deal drops on lowe's.com every week this month fresh deals, cozy vibes, zero effort chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox Onobotulinum Toxin a prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for adults with migraine with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average 8 to 9 headache days a month month versus 6 to 7 for placebo.

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, Myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

[Host/Announcer]

Ask your doctor and visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-844botox to learn more. When the holidays start to feel a bit repetitive, reach for a Sprite Winter Spice Cranberry and put your twist on tradition. It's a refreshing way to shake things up this sip and season and only for a limited time. Time Sprite Obey your thirst But I.

[Kai]

Had so much in there and it was making me so happy.

I'm done.

[Enya]

Was it? Sorry, no, There's a lot of stuff in your box.

Was it. Wait, was it a big box or was it like a smaller box.

[Kai]

For Anybody who's not like, a visual listener. What you're witnessing is how funny it is to two white guys to interrupt a woman and make her uncomfortable. Wow.

[Drew]

I'm crying.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. I mean, girl.

[Drew]

I'm crying because women's periods, like, make me so sad.

[Kai]

If you don't take that stupid. Don't talk about my sticker off of your car. Freak out.

[Drew]

I'll take it off if you let me wear your E cardigan, the red one, on Sunday.

[Kai]

You're far too big to fit into that.

[Drew]

No, I already did.

[Kai]

And you stretched it out. And you stretched it out so it'll fit me. And you stretched it out. No, I washed it in hot water and hang dried it in the sun.

[Host/Announcer]

Wow.

[Kai]

You need to take that sticker off because every time I look at you, it looks like. Like, I feel like you've been to a hospital 18 times this week or something.

[Drew]

I want people to be sad for me. I was thinking about it. I was like, I want people to pity me. Why is that such a bad thing? Like, I want people to feel bad for me. Is that is like, am I getting.

[Kai]

Like, what's the definition in your adulthood Is a sign of not getting it enough as a child. So it would. What it sounds like is the truth.

And I relate to it. Queen.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

But I don't know if we should.

[Drew]

Like.

I want more.

[Kai]

Can I expand on that?

[Drew]

Expand it.

[Kai]

Can I spread you on that topic?

[Drew]

Span and spread me spread all over it. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God time.

[Kai]

Also, this is the first time me and Drew are doing an episode right when we get back from a trip because we haven't even actually had a proper catch.

[Drew]

We haven't got to hang out.

[Kai]

I know. I got really, really up on my.

[Drew]

Mom'S birthday for, like, two days.

[Kai]

I threw up for, like, two days, and I slept all Monday. Like, I had, like, a full. Like, I could.

[Drew]

Monday, Tuesday.

[Kai]

Wait, nobody does that. See, that's where we lost it when people stopped. Kept track of. Stopped keeping track of themselves every month with that one thing. What was the song one, though? The psalm one.

[Drew]

Oh, what was.

Was like.

[Kai]

January.

February.

Dude. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

The Internet was so pure at one point.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. That's when we lost track once it became like, oh, everyone's so craz cringy or what or this or that. Like, it really is. It always comes back January.

You know, it comes back to January.

Guys. Start it right now. So you have it at the end. Yes, Guys, remember to start it now. No, we need to go back to that. That was a simpler time. Also, the argument of, like, the. Oh, my God. God, what did I see? Somebody did, like, a really great needlework print of the blue and black dress.

It was like a pixel print. We need to go back to those kind of. Yeah, that needs to be the discussion.

[Drew]

There was a video where the guy was wearing the exact air forces in it, and not a single comment on that video was, like, blue or black. Oh, wait, not. It's not his address, but there's air forces where it's like, wait, you just had a stroke.

[Kai]

Because not his address.

[Drew]

Wait, no. You know the air forces where they're like, pink and gray or blue and yellow or whatever.

[Kai]

Yes. Nathalie was just talking to me about this.

[Drew]

Yeah, there was a video of the guy and a guy.

[Kai]

I think they're pink and white.

[Drew]

Yeah, they're pink and white. But this guy was wearing them, and you literally couldn't tell, like, if they were pink and white or blue and yellow.

[Enya]

But why did you say not his address?

[Drew]

No, not, Not. Not the dress.

[Enya]

Oh, not address.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I thought you said not his address. It literally.

[Drew]

I like.

[Kai]

Oh, you were slipping.

[Drew]

Well, no, I am. I am.

[Kai]

Oh, I know that, though.

[Drew]

I started watching Fierce Competition. That, like, gay hockey show.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

I thought, like, wait, have y' all heard of this?

[Kai]

I thought you just meant that in general. I've been watching Fierce Competition.

[Drew]

There's fierce competition?

[Kai]

Is that what you're, like, renaming watching basketball?

[Drew]

I used I. Literally, up until two days ago, I did not give a fuck about man ass. I did not care about what an ass looked like. I. It did not cross my mind at all. I'm more of, like, a chest and belly guy.

[Kai]

Okay. So, yeah, where is this going?

[Drew]

Me, myself, after watching Fierce Competition, I am here to say I'm an ass guy.

[Kai]

What the fuck is that?

[Drew]

I'm an ass guy. I'm an ass guy.

[Kai]

Fierce.

[Drew]

And. Oh, and then I. I.

[Kai]

What is this? Cuz I don't think, like, fierce competitor. Fierce competition.

Like, I'm so confused.

Hello? Is it called something else? What was.

[Enya]

Dude, it doesn't exist. The show doesn't exist.

[Kai]

It's boring.

[Drew]

Called Heated rivalries.

[Kai]

Oh, you thought.

Talk to the hand. Fierce competition.

That's a crazy fren slip. Also because, like, you just thought it was called fierce competitions because it's a.

[Drew]

Show about gay guys competing the asses. The hockey butts in. That is. It's crazy. And it's like, like, full on like gay sex. Like two dudes like banging each other. And it's hot as. It's literally hot. Neither of them are my cup of tea personally, but.

It'S hot. And gay guys needed this. Yeah, needed that. Gay guy, not. I didn't need this.

[Kai]

You didn't say I needed this. You started it with saying gay guys.

[Drew]

Needed this, this or that. Dimple, simple, dimple, poppet, squish.

[Kai]

I don't know if I'll be watching that.

[Drew]

Because it is your worst nightmare. Not because it's gay guys, but because it's just men banging.

[Kai]

Yeah. That's why I'm like, I don't think I want to watch only men having a good time. On I'm down to watch gay guys. But like, I need like a few girls in there too.

[Drew]

There's girls, okay.

[Kai]

Period.

[Drew]

There's girl arcs. But like the show, like, like, like this is gonna ruffle some feathers. But like, it sucks. But like, it is so fun to watch and it is, it is. It sucks, but it's good. It's weird.

[Kai]

Well, it's kind of like that whole argument against. Oh my God. Oh my God. I can't think of the word. And this isn't the word I'm meaning to say, but it's the one I'm finding at this moment.

Subpar. White people get to really succeed while being super subpar. And then anybody who falls out of being like a white straight said do the most. I like. Yeah, like gay guys have corny shows. Riverdale exists.

[Drew]

No, like, that's. That's literally it. It's like not to compare. But it's also.

[Kai]

Cuz I haven't seen this yet.

[Drew]

It's also literally just like challengers, except just two gay guys. They actually like, hook up. But so it's.

[Enya]

It's like challengers, but it's just guys.

[Drew]

Yeah, but no, I mean like the soundtrack and like the way it's shot and everything, it's. Yeah.

[Kai]

Is it like shot nice? Like, is it?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, it's visually, it's really pretty. Like actually, like they're a few times where I was like, whoa, this is like really cool. But it's just like.

[Kai]

But you're just sex.

[Drew]

Like, it's literally just sex. It's like a lot. It's literally all just gay sex.

[Kai]

I mean, most new media is just sex. Not to sound like an old.

[Drew]

But like most media for a long.

[Kai]

Time has just been sex. No. Damn. And there's no. Like, I don't even. I'm not Even anti sex. But it has to be like, swag full sex. I want some sex. Sex inspires me.

[Drew]

No, that.

[Kai]

Oh, it doesn't inspire you?

[Drew]

No, it inspired.

[Kai]

Okay, period.

[Drew]

No, there was some in there where I was like, you're selling it.

[Kai]

Like, it's like, Is it like, damn, I might have to pee. Like, watching this.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Oh, period.

[Drew]

Yeah, and it's also like, damn, I'm gonna have to try that out. Like, oh. And it's like, it's like, damn. Like, wait, like two verse dudes. Like, this is awesome.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, really?

[Drew]

But like, like, I'm not gonna spoil.

[Kai]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Drew]

But it's also like a slow burn.

[Kai]

Love show with gay guys turn straight by the end.

[Drew]

Yes. Okay.

[Kai]

Okay, good.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'll watch it now. No, my piece on it is, like, it sucks, but gay guys needed a slow burn romance. Like, it's really cute. It is cute. It is relatable. Like, there's like, a lot of parts where it's like, oh, I've literally been here and this is traumatic, but in a good way. You feel seen. So go. Go watch heated rivalries.

[Kai]

If you haven't yet, go watch Fierce competition.

[Drew]

Yes. Fierce competition.

[Kai]

I'll be watching the first episode of Fierce Competitions tonight. I can't think of.

[Drew]

I even wrote fierce Competition down.

[Kai]

How did you remember what it was really called?

[Drew]

Because I. You kept saying it over and over again and I was like, that's literally not what it's called.

[Kai]

Oh, my gosh. Well, I don't think I've watched anything.

[Drew]

I saw this really funny tweet about it where it was like, gay guys watched fear heated rivalries and immediately went to the gym and started working on ass. Mind you, I hadn't seen that tweet yet, but that's the first thing I did was went and did leg day hip thrust rdls. Like, I went hard. My ass is still sore from working out. No, I really, like, I really want a bbl. Like, I'm not even kidding.

[Kai]

Would you actually get a bbl?

[Pharmaceutical Ad Voice]

No.

[Drew]

No. Hell no.

[Kai]

What if there was a world where you could get one, nobody would know and it'd be like, supernatural.

[Drew]

Yes, absolutely.

[Kai]

Okay, so you would get a bbl.

[Drew]

Yeah. But if, like.

[Kai]

So instead of answering no to the bbl, you should say, yes, I would get a bbl.

[Drew]

Actually, there's different stipulations.

[Kai]

You should walk in your truth.

[Drew]

There's different stipulations. Like, there's like a healing period, but if no one would know, no one would know. I was healing because that's when most people find out.

[Kai]

But personally, I just don't even think. If nobody knew, I would never get it.

And it really has less to do with anything other than the fact that my OCD has really convinced me that I have bad luck with anything cosmetology wise. Because when I was 18, I got the most fuck ass extensions I've ever gotten in my life.

[Drew]

Another satisfied customer.

Insert.

[Kai]

That's literally what I look like. I have to find it because I have smiled.

[Drew]

I want to go as that for Halloween next year. Drew, sigh up.

Imagine you're getting kidnapped and you have a stuffy nose and they tape your mouth.

Your dad. That's all I got. But I do have Drew stand up.

[Kai]

Oh, no.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kai]

Because you're in a weird mental space. I don't know.

[Drew]

I. I did it at 5am in the airport before I boarded my plane home. I haven't read them since.

[Kai]

Okay, so you were on a good one. This was before your life fell apart. So maybe it's good.

[Drew]

No, these are bad. I can't even. I can't even do it. I can't even do it.

[Kai]

I literally do them.

[Drew]

I literally can't even do it.

[Kai]

Can I do it?

[Malcolm Gladwell]

I.

[Drew]

The. The.

Okay.

Wait. I might actually, like, have to run out.

[Kai]

What? Be who you are. Okay. Is it clocking to you? Why would Justin Bieber be a clock?

Oh.

TSA Pre Check. More like TSA Pre Come because you get to come to the cake faster.

[Drew]

That one's good.

[Kai]

That was really good.

[Drew]

That one's good. Wait, let me read that.

[Kai]

I wish that was off the back of a Laffy Taffy.

[Drew]

Let me read that.

[Kai]

Like. Oh, my God. If Mr. Oh, I would never give a good idea to that monster.

[Drew]

I was just. Oh. When I was on that impromptu Tate out front of the dmv. Dmv. It was a DMV day. It was really cute. Y' all should try it sometime. I was saying how I think Pedro Pascal and Mr. B share the same evil. There's. There's an evil brewing.

[Kai]

I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that.

[Enya]

I don't get the same vibe from Pedro Pascal as Mr. Just watch, guys.

[Drew]

Maybe not now, maybe not in five.

[Kai]

Years, and maybe not ever.

[Drew]

Road trips are so funny. Why would I want to do LSD and Hailey Baber's skincare routine at the same time?

Like road beauty trip.

[Kai]

Hailey Baber.

[Drew]

Hailey, baby.

[Kai]

Wait, say that one again because I don't really think I understand.

[Drew]

Road trips are so funny. Why would I want to do LSD in Hailey Bieber's skincare brand routine at the same time time? Like, road beauty. Road trip.

[Kai]

I get it. After the second read.

Are you still here?

[Drew]

I can't even do these, dude. They're, like, really bad. I like, they're bad. Like, they were making me laugh. Chanel number five. More like Channel five. What does that mean, Channel five? More like Chanel five.

[Kai]

No, that one's just not yet.

[Drew]

It's literally not even funny. Like. Like Mont Blanc pins are so expensive. Hope they write the checks.

[Enya]

That one's pretty good.

[Drew]

Okay, this one's, like, actually really dark. I'm not reading it.

That's. That's it True. Stand up.

[Kai]

Wow. That was.

The mont block was good. I wish you said that with more confidence because it would have landed.

[Drew]

Pre come was good.

[Kai]

You would have landed that. Pre come was really good.

[Drew]

TSA pre check. More like TSA precom because you get to come to the gate faster.

[Kai]

There you go. There you go.

[Drew]

Wait, you did not. You didn't think. Is it clocking to you? Why would Justin.

[Enya]

My favorite.

[Drew]

You don't think that's funny? Funny.

[Enya]

It is funny.

[Kai]

Okay, good. What does it mean, though? Like, I don't know what made you start that? Because, like, something had to have triggered your thought to make you.

[Drew]

No, when I get into, like, Drew stand up flow state, like, it flows out of me. Like, when I get to writing, like, it comes out of me unlike anything you've ever seen before. It's actually special.

[Kai]

Mind you, the two instances in this episode we've had of your writing have been complete psycho babble of a person going down.

[Drew]

Like, the.

[Enya]

Someone will think the Mandelbrot fractal of pain is really good.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Enya]

And I feel that because.

[Kai]

What the are you saying? What did you say?

[Enya]

Oh, Mandelbrot fractal. Mandelbrot fractal.

[Kai]

Yeah. Y' all can't say it. That's just not real.

[Drew]

It is.

[Kai]

It is real.

[Drew]

It's infinite.

[Kai]

Neither of you can repeat it more than once.

[Drew]

And it's Mandelbrot factor.

[Enya]

Mandelbrot fractal.

[Host/Announcer]

I did.

[Enya]

It.

[Drew]

Sounds like you have a. Like a speech impediment when you say it. Fractal.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kai]

Fractal.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Doesn't sound like a speech impediment when it came out of my mouth.

[Drew]

No, no, it does. Someone knows what I'm saying. Fractal.

[Enya]

I. I hear it. I hear it.

[Drew]

Like blindle fractal.

[Kai]

I mean, let me not be the person pointing out not being able to pronounce because I'm so bad at pronouncing out loud. It's actually awesome. I was reading to my siblings and I just had such an awesome moment of being like, wow, I really would be a good parent. Because anytime I couldn't read a word out of the book because I was reading. Did I say what I was reading? I was reading that book, how to stand up to a Dictator, which is insane that my read that to them.

[Enya]

Go back.

[Kai]

And there were a lot of words in that book I had never said out loud. And I would be reading to them and not know something and look it up with them and look up the definition. And I never made a fuss about not being able to pronounce things. And I didn't make fun of myself or anything because I didn't want them to think that at any age you should be embarrassed of not being able to pronounce things.

[Drew]

That's a beautiful thing.

[Kai]

Actually, I think I might be the best person on the planet.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

And I am not kidding. And I am not kidding. I think that. And I.

[Drew]

If everyone was like, in you, the world would be a better place.

[Kai]

It would be a place.

[Drew]

It would be a place.

[Kai]

My God. Damn. It would be a place.

[Drew]

If the world was like, no. I think it would be awesome.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Yes. We would be like, literally like one of us.

[Kai]

Who are you picking for the world?

[Drew]

So it's like, he's gonna change, but.

[Kai]

You'Re his boyfriend of like, what, seven years?

[Enya]

Boyfriend, Sort of.

[Drew]

I would never call him that. Oh, my God.

[Enya]

You guys literally don't technically never claimed me, but let me think about this.

[Kai]

Okay?

[Enya]

I think the world would be best if it was Enya's world. I think it's because Enya's perfect. Oh, fuck.

[Drew]

Blur of the screen.

Say yes, sir.

[Enya]

Yes, sir.

[Kai]

Ew.

Wow.

[Drew]

We're good.

[Kai]

Oh, my gosh.

[Enya]

Yeah, we're good.

[Kai]

Oh, Wicked for good was so good. And I loved Wicked for good because I knew you. Because I knew you. I have.

[Drew]

Madam Marvel turned upside down. Wicked Witch.

[Kai]

Is it you said Marvel?

[Drew]

Madam Marvel.

[Kai]

I actually, I'm not kidding. I don't know anyone's name in the movie.

[Drew]

Turned upside down.

[Kai]

Wicked Witch and Glinda. Galinda. Glinda.

[Drew]

Madame Marvel. Wicked Witch.

[Kai]

Madam Marvel.

[Drew]

Turn it around.

[Kai]

Wicked Witch.

[Drew]

Wait, no. We are like, unk. Like this is three weeks ago now.

[Kai]

It's amazing. Are you kidding me? She. And listen, listen. She look at how many clips of her doing that? You think that happened over the span of one week? She's been working on this and been tracing this out for a long time. It's finally coming to frictician.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's all coming to fruition. It always comes to friction, really. Fruition. But I saw this, like, sketch this girl that I wish I could, like, give her credit because it was so funny, but it was like the first person that like, said Madame Marvel, Wicked Witch to her, Michelle Yo. And then Michelle yo ends up killing her because. What did you say? I know, it's just like a funny thing that I thought of, like, Madame Marvel, turn it upside down, Wicked Witch. What did you say? And then she pulls out a gun and kills her and takes it and goes on her breast tour.

[Kai]

Dude, I love Wicked. I love Wicked. I love Wicked. Makes me so happy. The second movie made me really sad. I think a lot of the commentary on not only the movie and the people in it is a whole bunch of hoopla and you're dancing around the point of the movie, which is build community, baby. Like, literally. That movie is amazing. I think that movie is literally Bible. Bible.

[Drew]

I went down Bible. I went down the Judy Garland rabbit hole, which is shocking as a 27 year old gay man that I'm just now going down this rabbit hole. She is so fierce. Like, she is kind like definition of underdog story. Like the way they treated her on that goddamn set is horrifying. Her mom got her addicted to pills at the age of like nine or some like that, which is eventually what she died from is the same fucking pill her mom got her addicted to. Isn't that dark? Yeah, but like throughout her whole career, she was just like. She was kind of like Britney Spears.

[Kai]

That's Liza Minnelli's mama. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

She let them. She let.

[Kai]

It's actually so fucked up. Like, how many of these iconic faces we've seen our whole life have the scariest.

Upbringing. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Drew]

Tortured souls.

[Kai]

Yeah, tortured souls. But the best entertainers around. Wow. Who would have thought?

[Drew]

All right.

[Kai]

That is really sad. I. I don't actually know that much about her.

[Drew]

Y' all should look into her because she is really fucking cool.

[Kai]

I know a bit more about Liza, but all of my knowledge about Liza is because she was. She's always really fucked with the Muppets.

[Drew]

Yeah. So you're autistic.

[Kai]

I love the Muppets.

[Drew]

I know. Did you get anything?

[Kai]

What do you mean?

[Drew]

From the sample sale.

[Kai]

Oh, no.

[Drew]

Yeah, it Was like, when I looked, it was like $48,000.

[Kai]

I watched the chairs vanish. Like, literally. Like, I think There was a 70th anniversary for the Jim Henson Company. Like, and they had chairs from the Muppets from Space movie, and I wanted them.

[Drew]

So all of the dark crystal. I looked when I was in the airport, and it was like $20,000. And I was like, oh, I'll never be able to afford this. And then I looked again, and it was like $92,000. And I was like, oh, okay. Like, literally what? Like what? And it's like, piece of shit. Little, like, dog water. Like, it's literally.

[Kai]

Not getting it. Be like, piece of. I don't want that.

[Drew]

Piece of. Yeah, have fun with that piece of. I never wanted that in the first place.

[Kai]

But, yeah, I didn't get a single thing from the auction. And I literally just watched. I think my sister was with me. No, Rain was with me, so my sister was with me. Me and Rain were together, and I was telling her about it, and then I pulled it up, and she literally watched the bid for the chairs jump up immediately to 5, 000. And she just called, oh, O. And, like, she just, like, made that sound at me, and I just locked my screen and we kept eating.

[Drew]

Don't even think about it.

[Kai]

And I kept getting texts about all the other things I wanted. And, yeah, whatever, it's fine. I don't need any of that stuff.

[Drew]

Well, just know Christmas is around the corner.

[Kai]

Christmas time is here, Kai.

[Drew]

Christmas is around the corner.

[Enya]

I know. I'm excited. I love getting gifts.

[Kai]

You love getting gifts?

[Enya]

Gifts, Yeah, I love getting gifts.

[Drew]

That's. That's honestly the realest anyone's ever said. I actually hate getting gifts unironically. I think it's evil, Kai.

[Enya]

Sorry, I kicked something. Well, there goes your gift with my foot. That's very cold. And I was mentioning before that.

[Drew]

Oh, my.

[Enya]

If you're wondering what to get me, you're. It's very drafty in this house and my feet tend to get cold, and so maybe some slippers would be nice. And I'd like to.

[Drew]

To.

[Enya]

I would like to be surprised by what type of slippers they are. I want. And I. What would be really surprising is if they're expensive. Okay.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

So if you worked, say, at, I don't know, like, ASOP or something, would you ever go in there and go to your managers and just start talking about how you really want a pair of slippers?

[Drew]

Or, like, I feel like he would.

[Enya]

I would. Yeah. Because it's important to.

[Drew]

Wait, is it giving.

[Enya]

What cardboard box?

[Drew]

Is it giving fierce rivalries or heated rivalries? I did two days. Leg day. Evil rivalry. Okay, I need to. I literally can't do this anymore. I'm like, I'm antsy.

[Kai]

My media of the week is. Oh, my God, I found this.

[Drew]

Mine is the Oklahoma album.

[Kai]

Minus Summer Soft by Stevie Wonder. Can't live without you, Charlie Wilson. Reach out for me, Bert Bakarok. And the world is yours. Air Jojo.

[Enya]

And my media is. I met a new friend. So his name, he's Cole from the Wallows. And I met him last week and he's really cool and funny. So that's. My media is dming with him.

[Drew]

Him. So when I was on my date, I was talking about how the DM DMV date when I was talking about how like election cycle, bad media be produced, but three years after election cycle, good media produced.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's true.

[Kai]

Well, okay. I think you're both incredibly.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Thank you guys so much for listening.

[Drew]

Thank you for tuning in.

[Host/Announcer]

Did you know Tide has been upgraded to provide an even better clean in cold water? Tide is specifically designed to fight any stain you throw at it. Even in cold butter. Yep. Chocolate ice cream. Sure thing. Barbecue sauce. Tide's got you covered. You don't need to use warm water. Additionally, Tide pods let you confidently fight tough stains with new coldzyme technology. Just remember, if it's gotta be clean, it's gotta be tied.

[Drew]

So my friends text, let's do a quick little weekend getaway. Super chill, right? Famous last words. Suddenly, someone's buying a bonfire outfit and apparently there's a boat. Now that's when I pull out my Klarna card. Swipe done. And if I want it off my plate now, I can pay in full or I can pay later. No IOUs, no stress. Because the Klarna card isn't just a card. It's how you survive. Friends plans. Plus, no credit impact when you apply. Learn more About [e-mail] Debit Flex Card Pay later plans issued by web bank deposits. Your balance account are held at WebBank, Member FDIC, anywhere visa is accepted. Certain merchant product good and service restrictions apply. Some merchants do not accept virtual cards. Physical card only included with a paid Klarna membership plan.

[Host/Announcer]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line, but.

There the last one.

Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

Gas groceries. Eating out. It all adds up fast with the verizon Visa card, you get rewarded every time you spend. Get 4% in rewards on gas, dining and at grocery stores, and you can put those rewards toward your Verizon bill or on new tech like a smartwatch and earbuds. Apply today at Verizon. Application required. Subject to credit approval. Must be a Verizon mobile account owner or manager or FIOS account owner. See verizon.com Verizon Visa card for terms and restrictions. The Verizon Visa Signature card is issued by Synchrony bank pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc.

[Drew]

I already love same day delivery with Shipt, but it's so much better since I signed up for target's circle 360. Why? Because I no longer pay price markups from the majority of stores through Shipt. Only a handful of alcohol retailers and items items don't count. That means no markups on groceries, pet food, even home goods and makeup. So to recap, I have more time to catch up on life while someone shops for me and I spend less. It's a win win. Order [e-mail] 360 terms apply.

[Host/Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.