Emergency Intercom – "Enya's Old Box" (Dec 5, 2025)
Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips, Kai
Podcast: Emergency Intercom (iHeartPodcasts)
Episode Overview
In this loose, rambling, and hilariously self-deprecating episode, Drew, Enya, and Kai reunite for the first time since recent travels to catch up on their latest streak of bad luck, questionable decisions, and nostalgic finds. The central focus is Drew's epic saga of car troubles, existential spirals, and absurd DMV misadventures, counterbalanced by tender tales of pet disasters and Kai's emotional rediscovery of a One Direction jacket from her youth (“Enya’s box”). The trio’s trademark mix of sardonic wit, dark comedy, and heartfelt friendship shines throughout, offering plenty of memorable banter and meta-commentary on modern life, adulthood, and growing up painfully but hilariously off-kilter.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Drew's Epic Car Trouble Spiral
- Car Accident & Aftermath: Drew and Kai recount getting hit by a car while rebuilding a cafe in Texas—the driver and everyone else are okay. (04:10–04:31)
- Drew’s Car Saga: Drew details a string of bad car-related decisions:
- Getting pulled over for FaceTiming while driving: “I own up to it. Naughty. Bad. Don’t do that.” (05:18)
- Illegally parking in a tow-away zone knowing full well the risk: “I knew I wasn’t going to do it ... I just needed to get out of this car.” (07:01)
- Parking ticket and then watching his car get towed via security camera: “I checked the live cameras and this is what I see ... I laughed. My knee-jerk reaction was to laugh.” (10:30)
- Realizing his registration has been expired—and driving around with it for months: “So I’ve been driving a suspended fucking vehicle for God knows how long...” (15:26)
- Compounding costs: $100 in Ubers, $442 for towing, multiple parking tickets, and a $936 registration renewal. “By now, y’all, I have spent fourteen hundred dollars ... I almost spent two grand.” (40:00–40:53)
- Self-Deprecation and Reflection: Drew claims full responsibility—“Let this be a cautionary tale. Get your life in order, because y’all, this story only gets worse.” (16:25)
- Poetry in a Downward Spiral: Drew shares the “poem” he wrote in his spiral:
“I was like, the decay is mine. It's a mandelbrot fract, fractal, infinitely repeating my pain across the universe.” (09:20)
2. Social Encounters & Unlikely Flirting
- At the DMV, Drew shares a “craziest ever” story of being flirted with by a woman, which makes for an awkward, comedic scenario given his sexuality. He gives her his mom's number instead of his own:
“She asked me for my phone number and ... I gave her my mom's phone number ... Said don’t text back. I’m a bad person.” (30:04)
- Drew suspects the woman was a podcast listener, given her oddly specific knowledge about his background and music tastes. (32:01)
3. Pet Mayhem: Azul the Couch Terrorist
- Kai tells the story of coming back from Miami to discover her beloved new adult-purchased couch had been “christened” by their pet, Azul, not with love, but with four piles (later, five) of cat poop.
- “If you have a couch and a pet, you kind of just have to accept that your pet is gonna treat everywhere couch like a litter box, because your pet is a piece of brat and doesn’t like being left alone for more than two days.” (46:44)
- Josiah, their friend, heroically cleans it up. Kai debates buying a kennel—Azul, meanwhile, acts like nothing’s wrong. (44:48, 47:56)
4. Kai’s Nostalgic Miami “Box” Discovery
- Kai shares her emotional find: the legendary One Direction varsity jacket from 2013, believed sent to Honduras, but instead tucked in a memento box in family storage.
- “It is so freaky ... it made my parents cry ... I used to wear this every single day ... the most exciting, expensive thing I had ever owned.” (50:56)
- The moment yields jokes about personal archives, memorabilia, and the bittersweetness of growing up/loss.
5. Pop Culture: “Heated Rivalries” (Not Fierce Competition) and Sex in Media
- Drew heavily plugs his new favorite series, which he kept calling “Fierce Competition”—it’s actually “Heated Rivalries,” a slow-burn, visually pretty, very explicit gay romance/hockey show.
- “Gay guys needed a slow burn romance ... it is cute ... it is relatable.” (65:26)
- “It sucks, but it is so fun to watch.” (64:19)
- The trio riff on how most new media is just sex now, and on the soap opera/absurdity of subpar white entertainment vs. actual queer representation. (64:35–65:16)
- Spirals into whether Drew would ever get a BBL:
“If no one would know, no one would know I was healing ... I would do it.” (66:47)
6. Miscellaneous Chaos & Philosophy
- On Wanting Pity: Drew: “I want people to pity me. Why is that such a bad thing?” (57:36)
- Kai: “It's a sign of not getting it enough as a child. I relate to it, queen.”
- Drew’s Stand-Up Set (Unhinged Edition):
- TSA Pre Check joke: “TSA Pre Check. More like TSA Pre Come because you get to come to the gate faster.” (68:51)
- “Mont Blanc pins are so expensive, hope they write the checks.” (70:44)
- “When I get into Drew stand-up flow state, like, it flows out of me ... It’s actually special.” (71:38)
- Child Stars & the Judy Garland Rabbit Hole: Drew recounts learning (as a 27-year-old gay man!) about Judy Garland's tragic story and parallels to Britney Spears: “She is kind, like, definition of underdog story … Her mom got her addicted to pills at the age of like nine ... that's what she died from.” (76:47)
- Gift-Giving & Adult Purchases: Kai and Enya discuss the evolving emotions surrounding gifts and what they want for Christmas (Enya: slippers—but they have to be a surprise and expensive). (80:01–80:28)
- Media of the Week:
- Kai: “Summer Soft” by Stevie Wonder, “Can’t Live Without You” by Charlie Wilson, “Reach Out for Me” by Burt Bacharach, “The World is Yours” by Air Jojo. (81:24)
- Drew: Oklahoma soundtrack.
- Enya: DMs with Cole from Wallows.
Notable & Memorable Quotes (with timestamps)
-
On personal responsibility:
“I am well aware that all of this is my fault. Like, I know that I had every opportunity to make it … I did this to myself.”
— Drew, (08:23) -
Poetic breakdown:
“The decay is mine. It's a mandelbrot fract, fractal, infinitely repeating my pain across the universe.”
— Drew, (09:20) -
On the trauma of modern adulthood:
“Y’all, let this be a cautionary tale. Get your life in order, cause y’all, this story only gets worse.”
— Drew, (16:25) -
On the cost of car neglect:
“I almost spent two grand, and I haven’t even paid for the parking ticket. I could have bought like a dildo that lays eggs up my ass.”
— Drew, (40:41) -
On wanting pity:
“I want people to be sad for me. I was like, I want people to pity me. Why is that such a bad thing?”
— Drew, (57:36) “It's a sign of not getting it enough as a child … and I relate to it, queen.”
— Kai, (57:50) -
On Azul’s destruction:
“If you have a couch and a pet, you kind of just have to accept that your pet is gonna treat everywhere couch like a litter box, because your pet is a piece of brat and doesn’t like being left alone…”
— Kai, (46:44) -
Absurd, dark humor:
“Tow truck drivers and Nazis, same thing. Barely any difference.”
— Drew, (18:53) -
On gay representation in media:
“Gay guys needed a slow burn romance ... It’s cute, it is relatable. There’s like, a lot of parts where it's like, oh, I’ve literally been here and this is traumatic, but in a good way. You feel seen. So go watch Heated Rivalries.”
— Drew, (65:26–65:49) -
Stand-Up highlight:
“TSA Pre Check. More like TSA Pre Come because you get to come to the gate faster.”
— Kai (68:51), Drew’s standup
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Drew’s Car Trouble Story Arc: 04:10–19:00
- Parking, tickets, towing, registration chaos, DMV hell
- Drew’s Downward Spiral Poem: 09:20
- DMV Flirting Story: 27:15–32:00
- Azul the Cat Couch Massacre: 43:44–47:56
- Kai’s One Direction Jacket Discovery: 48:39–51:16
- Discussion: Queer Representation, “Heated Rivalries”: 61:00–65:49
- Absurd Stand-Up Bits/Flow State: 67:57–71:57
- Judy Garland & Tortured Entertainers: 76:47–77:54
- Gift-Giving & Christmas Chat: 79:58–80:39
- Media of the Week: 81:18–81:48
Tone & Style Notes
The episode embodies Emergency Intercom’s signature blend: raw, self-effacing, and often absurd humor, quick pivots from banter to existential reflection, meta pop culture commentary, and honest glimpses at the messy realities of 20-something adulthood. There are moments of comic bravado (“pre-come!”), self-aware melodrama (“the mandelbrot fractal of pain”), and nostalgic warmth (“it made my parents cry, I used to wear this jacket every single day”). The trio’s chemistry means even their deepest spirals are undercut by affection and inside jokes, making for a cathartic and wildly entertaining listen.
Summary
“Enya’s Old Box” is an episode that careens through streaks of terrible luck, oddball poetry, and the squalor and sweetness of home life, all with humor and stunning self-awareness. Whether Drew is mourning his soon-to-be-cubed car or Kai is reflecting over a long-lost memento, Emergency Intercom remains equal parts hilarious and oddly comforting for anyone making it up as they go along.