Emotional Badass: "Narcissists Count on You Making THESE Emotional Mistakes"

Host: Nikki Eisenhauer
Date: April 13, 2025
Episode Theme:
In this episode, Nikki Eisenhauer, psychotherapist and life coach, uses a sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek approach to outline the top ten emotional mistakes that keep people stuck in cycles of narcissistic abuse. By flipping the healing process on its head, she reveals the behaviors and mindsets that prevent recovery—and empowers listeners to do the opposite for genuine healing.

Main Episode Purpose

Nikki’s aim is to provide listeners with an unconventional perspective: she jokingly gives a list of “ways to never heal” from narcissistic abuse. The intent is to spark realization and self-reflection, helping survivors and highly sensitive people (HSPs) identify damaging patterns and move toward healthy change. The episode is laced with humor, empathy, and candid truth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Over-Ownership and Self-Blame (00:45)

• Main Point: HSPs often take on too much responsibility in abusive dynamics, believing if they "own" everything, the other person will follow.
• Insight: Over-owning your part doesn’t fix dysfunctional relationships. It only perpetuates imbalance and chaos.
• Quote:

  “Over-ownership is just as sick as under-ownership. It's as if some part of a highly sensitive person decides, ‘Hey, it's kind of better if it's all my fault.’” — Nikki (03:11)

• HSPs do this because it gives them a sense of control over the situation, even if it’s only illusion.

2. Politeness over Self-Preservation (06:30)

• Main Point: Placing politeness or social appearances above your own well-being helps narcissists retain control.
• Insight: Politeness at the expense of honesty is self-abandonment.
• Quote:

  “If politeness trumps self-preservation, you might have been raised in the South... but prioritizing what other people think over your own compromises your authenticity.” — Nikki (07:18)

3. Minimizing and Denying Abuse (10:00)

• Main Point: Calling abusive or manipulative behavior “just a difficult season” or “my trauma” keeps you from confronting reality.
• Insight: Honest naming of abuse is necessary for healing.
• Quote:

  “Keep calling it just a difficult season… and you’ll never be able to move forward in truth. You won’t be able to grieve or grow.” — Nikki (10:15)

• Childhood conditioning can confuse your sense of what’s normal or healthy, leading to misplaced over- or under-reactions in adulthood.

4. Emotional Avoidance & Numbing (17:40)

• Main Point: Staying busy, intellectualizing, or numbing (with food, alcohol, social media, etc.) blocks the pain—but stalls healing.
• Insight: Feeling through the pain is uncomfortable, but it’s the only way out.
• Quote:

  “Modern life really helps us here. We can stay just as busy as we want to be… Whatever you do, don’t actually feel the pain.” — Nikki (17:51)

• Avoidance ensures you stay stuck; confronting emotions brings freedom.

5. Leaning on Unsupportive People (20:36)

• Main Point: Seeking understanding or comfort from those who don’t “get it” or who invalidate your experience deepens confusion.
• Insight: Choose support systems wisely; validation from the wrong people reinforces self-doubt.
• Quote:

  “Keep sharing yourself, your wins, your pain, your vulnerabilities with people who aren’t wired like you… This will keep you feeling raw, weird, alien, wrong…” — Nikki (21:14)

6. Chasing Closure from the Narcissist (23:25)

• Main Point: Trying to get them to acknowledge or apologize will only keep you stuck.
• Insight: Closure comes from within, not from the person who harmed you.
• Quote:

  “Keep rooting around for it like a pig looking for truffles… They’ll definitely give you closure. Definitely.” — Nikki (23:38)

7. Repeating Old Patterns in New Relationships (25:02)

• Main Point: Jumping into new connections without reflection tends to recreate the familiar dynamics of abuse.
• Insight: Familiar pain feels safer than the unknown, but it blocks personal growth.

8. Ignoring Intuition & Gut Instincts (26:05)

• Main Point: Talking yourself out of what your body and feelings tell you perpetuates vulnerability to manipulation.
• Insight: Honoring intuition is a practice critical to an HSP’s healing.
• Quote:

  “If you never want to heal or change or grow, you ignoring your intuitive gut is a fabulous way… you will get what you want if you continue to talk yourself out of your gut response.” — Nikki (26:44)

9. Avoiding Deep Therapy or Self-Work (28:00)

• Main Point: Opting for “easy” therapy (or none at all) allows confusion and overwhelm to remain constant companions.
• Insight: True healing requires confronting uncomfortable truths and engaging in challenging self-work.
• Quote:

  “Overwhelm and confusion are amazingly always available for you to hang out with… Therapy would ruin your relationship with your best buds of overwhelming confusion.” — Nikki (28:39)

10. Falling in Love with Potential, Not Reality (30:04)

• Main Point: Prioritizing the fantasy of someone’s “potential” over their demonstrated behavior keeps you loyal to dysfunction.
• Insight: Loyalty to hope and potential wastes years and drains your energy.
• Quote:

  “It really is possible to wait a lifetime to see if somebody else’s potential will actualize. And while you’re doing that, what do you think happens to your own potential?” — Nikki (30:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Over-Ownership:

  “Own your stuff, but don’t over-own your stuff if you want to heal. Or continue overowning to ensure you never heal and grow past narcissistic abuse.” — Nikki (04:59)

• On Self-Respect:

  “The gut can tell any of us very clearly… but we often don’t like what the gut says because it means getting brave and having to make some changes. So we will choose denial.” — Nikki (08:56)

• On the Narcissist’s Empathy:

  “For me, see, it doesn’t hurt a narcissist like you’re hurt when you hurt somebody, when you’re upset because you caused somebody pain. That’s your moral compass. That’s your empathy.” — Nikki (14:21)

• On Chasing Closure:

  “Pour all your energy into making your narcissist give you that closure. It will work wonders beyond your wildest dreams to ensure you never ever heal and stay stuck.” — Nikki (23:55)

• On Denial:

  “When we worship the power of denial, we can keep generational trauma and emotional neglect going. We don’t even need someone else to show up and neglect us. We will show up and neglect ourselves like good little dysfunctional soldiers.” — Nikki (31:13)

Essential Takeaways

• Healing from narcissistic abuse requires facing discomfort, taking responsibility only for your share, validating your own reality, honoring intuition, and choosing supportive relationships.
• Recovery is compromised by old habits of self-blame, politeness over personal truth, minimization, avoidance, unhelpful support networks, fixating on closure from the abuser, repeating familiar patterns, ignoring gut feelings, avoiding deep work, and clinging to someone’s potential over their actions.
• True transformation comes from courageously stepping into self-awareness, honest ownership, and prioritizing peace.

Closing Messages

Nikki’s empowering final words (paraphrased):
Only you can decide to give yourself peace and step away from dysfunction. The hard truth is that embracing reality is what sets us free, no matter our past. True change requires bravery, self-ownership, and authentic self-compassion.

“I genuinely want you to have just as much peace as you will allow yourself to have. And I want you to know, in all seriousness and no sarcasm, that you are the only person on this entire planet… who can decide to give peace to yourself.” — Nikki (31:43)

To join Nikki’s community and access further resources:

• Patreon Community
• Breakthrough Peace Program
• Workshop: Mapping Your Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

Episode Highlights – Timestamps

• Over-Ownership & Self-Blame: 00:45–06:20
• Politeness Over Self: 06:30–09:50
• Minimizing/Denying Abuse: 10:00–17:15
• Emotional Avoidance: 17:40–20:20
• Seeking Validation from the Wrong People: 20:36–23:15
• Chasing Closure: 23:25–25:00
• Repeating Patterns: 25:02–26:01
• Ignoring Intuition: 26:05–28:00
• Avoiding Therapy: 28:00–30:00
• Loving Potential Over Reality: 30:04–32:00
• Final Empowerment: 31:43–32:25

For all Highly Sensitive People seeking clarity and peace—Nikki’s combination of humor, tough love, and insight offers a clear roadmap to break free from cycles of narcissistic manipulation and reclaim authenticity, groundedness, and joy.