Podcast Summary

Emotional Badass with Nikki Eisenhauer

Episode: Positive Masculinity: Why Real Men Cry

Date: September 7, 2025

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and candid episode, host and psychotherapist Nikki Eisenhauer and her husband/co-host Chris Iacono explore the concept of positive masculinity through the lens of profound personal loss. After the sudden passing of Chris’s father, the couple reflects on the transformative power of grief, the societal expectations around men’s emotions, and the healing importance of vulnerability. The episode weaves personal storytelling, emotional education, and practical life lessons—making the case that "real men cry" and positive masculinity is about openness, connection, presence, and authentic feeling.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Processing Sudden Loss & Masculinity (00:10–21:21)

• Raw Experience of Grief: Chris shares the recent death of his father and how it has thrown him into waves of emotion:

  "This is the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life. And I have spent a whole lot of time crying..."

• Generational Differences: The couple reflect on how Chris’s father, emblematic of his generation, was taught to suppress emotion, never seeking therapy or sharing his feelings with friends.
• Last Conversation & Intuition: They recount a poignant, serendipitous final call with Chris’s father while on a mountain trip—an "otherworldly moment" that provided unexpected closure.

  Nikki: "He said, ‘Hey, y’all, look for a spot to spread my ashes while you’re up there.’"

• Impact on Personal Growth: Nikki ties the experience into her inspiration for creating Emotional Badass, emphasizing the need for emotional validation for sensitive people (HSPs) and "lost empaths".

2. Funeral Rituals & Emotional Openness (21:21–32:29)

• Cultural Mourning Practices: Chris details the marathon of a New York Italian Catholic funeral—three days of open casket visitations, eulogy, and cremation.

  "Three days of basically in the room, watching my dad in this box. … Every time I walked in, it hurt a teeny, tiny bit less." (19:42)

• Progression of Closure: The structured mourning provided unexpected comfort, with each ritual offering a step toward healing and emotional release.
• Public Expression: Chris shares openly about crying with family and friends, emphasizing the importance of men modeling emotional authenticity:

  "I cried at the funeral, which was, man, like Catholics. Oh boy..." (13:22) "You can bawl your eyes out, it’s okay… And it’s good because you need to do that to purge those feelings." (20:46)

3. Positive Masculinity and Emotional Legacy (23:08–32:29)

• Role Modeling Feeling: Nikki observes how Chris’s willingness to emote provided permission for younger male relatives to cry, breaking cycles of emotional suppression.

  "Watching your cousin’s little boy who’s 13, watching him watch you cry, watching that give him permission to cry..." (23:08)

• Rites of Passage: They discuss the psychological transformation after losing a parent—the shift from being a "child" to stepping fully into adulthood and autonomy.
• Valuing Vulnerability: The episode repeatedly returns to the notion that positive masculinity means feeling deeply, connecting openly, and letting others witness your vulnerability.

4. Finding Meaning and Relief (31:06–32:29)

• Choosing Positivity After Loss: Chris discusses the duality of grief: sadness mixed with relief that his father died quickly as he wanted; this has inspired Chris to live more positively and be present with loved ones.

  "I don’t want to waste my time being anything but as positive as I can possibly…"

• Honoring Emotional Cycles: Nikki stresses the normality of swinging between pain and joy in mourning, and the importance of honoring every emotion that arises rather than numbing or pathologizing it:

  "It’s okay to go between sad and serious and light and funny…you don’t need a mood stabilizer. That’s the journey of grieving someone." (31:56)

5. Good for the Soul Segment (32:49–41:06)

• Nikki’s Creative Recovery: Nikki shares the empowering act of returning to her memoir after a discouraging publishing experience, highlighting creative work as personal healing.
• Book Recommendation — The Happiness Advantage: Chris discusses The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor, emphasizing research that happiness precedes success. He describes how simple acts of positivity (giving genuine compliments at a farmer’s market) created a ripple of good feeling.

6. "Dear Internet" Relationship Segment (44:04–54:27)

• Jalapeno Popper Dispute: They tackle a listener’s Reddit story about a boyfriend eating all the poppers his girlfriend made; Nikki and Chris reflect on how family culture and communication shape our sense of politeness, food-sharing, and consideration in partnership.
• Conflict Resolution Role Model: Applauding the couple’s repair, Nikki underlines the importance of making amends with effort, not just words:

  "So many people think they can just go, ‘Sorry, didn’t mean it’… you have to put in effort." (53:09)

• Avoiding Assumptions: The necessity of communicating needs and not making assumptions—big or small—in relationships is highlighted.

7. Boundaries Intensive Promo & Community Announcements (54:27–56:12)

• Announcement: Chris shares details about the upcoming Boundaries Intensive led by Nikki—a course focused on building healthy relational boundaries, especially crucial for sensitive people and those healing from toxic backgrounds.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Generational Change & Emotional Expression:
  Chris: "His was the generation where you don’t talk about your problems. You don’t see a therapist… You stuff it all. And it comes out sideways when you do that." (10:37)

• On Positive Masculinity:
  Chris: "You can bawl your eyes out, it’s okay. And it’s good because you need to do that to purge those feelings sometimes because they will build up." (20:47)

• On Ritual Mourning:
  Chris: "Every time I walked in, it hurt a teeny, tiny bit less… That was a progression of closure." (19:42)
  Nikki: "When you force yourself to face all of that, it does make the grief move through you..." (17:54)

• On Finding Relief in Swift Loss:
  Nikki: "For him to go quickly… I have such a gratefulness that it shook out that way for him because if he would have had… extended healthcare… he would have hated it." (27:56)

• On Transformation Through Grief:
  Chris: "It feels like there’s something that has been jolted into me… a rude wake-up call to me, how quickly I could lose you, how quickly you could lose me..." (31:06)

• On Role Modeling Emotional Presence:
  Nikki: "Watching your cousin’s little boy who’s 13, watching him watch you cry, watching that give him permission to cry…" (23:08)

• On Repair in Relationships:
  Nikki: "You have to put effort, you can’t always fix it… but I gotta get you another bike, you have to put some effort toward righting your wrong." (53:09)

• On Life’s Fragility:
  Chris: “…the shortness and fragility, that is life… I had better smile today.” (31:06)

Useful Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening and Introduction: 00:00–01:41
• Chris describes his father’s death & family context: 01:41–05:41
• The final, fateful mountain phone call: 05:41–10:17
• Discussion of positive masculinity across generations: 10:37–13:22
• Funeral rituals and mourning in Italian Catholic culture: 13:22–21:21
• Chris’s grief journey & emotional modeling for other men: 21:21–23:08
• Role modeling positive masculinity & group healing: 23:08–32:29
• Finding meaning, positive legacy, and daily gratitude: 31:06–32:29
• Good for the Soul segment: 32:49–44:04
• Dear Internet/Reddit relationship query: 44:04–54:27
• Boundaries Intensive and community closing: 54:27–56:12

Tone and Language

• The overall tone is warm, vulnerable, humorous, and supportive, with moments of deep intensity balanced by levity and practical wisdom.
• Both hosts are candid about their internal worlds, modeling the very openness and "moxie" the show’s tagline promises.

Takeaways for Listeners

• Real masculinity includes the freedom to grieve openly and feel deeply.
• Grief is both private and public; honoring ritual mourning brings closure.
• Showing emotion as a man can empower others—including children and peers—to do the same.
• Communication, not assumption, is the root of healthy relationships.
• It’s never too late to pick up a put-aside dream or creative project.
• Happiness isn’t the result of achievement—positivity is a fuel for success and connection.
• Life is fragile: say "I love you," feel it all while you can, and don’t hold back your tears or your laughter.

This summary aims to provide listeners with all important topics, insights, and moments, effectively capturing the emotional and educational core of this episode.