Emotional Badass – “Why Stubborn People Are Actually Genius”

Host: Nikki Eisenhauer
Date: September 14, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Nikki Eisenhauer, psychotherapist and life coach, explores the misunderstood quality of stubbornness—especially in highly sensitive people (HSPs) and empaths. She dismantles societal stereotypes around being stubborn, reframes it as a genius trait, and encourages listeners to find power and pride in their own stubbornness. Drawing from personal childhood experiences, therapeutic insights, and the dynamics of being raised by narcissistic parents, Nikki reveals how stubbornness is often a profound survival mechanism, a source of integrity, and a backbone for healthy boundaries and leadership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Stubbornness: Head or Heart?

[01:00–05:55]

• Nikki points out how society frames stubbornness as something “in the head” (e.g., hard-headed, thick-skulled).
• As someone who works with HSPs, she challenges this narrative, highlighting how for many sensitive people, stubbornness is more rooted in feeling, intuition, and gut instinct.
• Quote:

  “Does our stubbornness actually come from our head or more from our feeling parts? What we feel within ourselves and within any given situation?”
  (Nikki, 02:45)

Childhood Stubbornness—A Deeper Truth

[06:00–14:30]

• Nikki shares vivid childhood memories: persistently wishing for an older brother and being labeled as "difficult" and "stubborn."
• Behind her stubbornness was a deep longing for protection and security, as she was scared by threats involving her biological father.
• She emphasizes how labeling sensitive children as “stubborn” often overlooks underlying emotional needs and missed opportunities for deep connection.
• Quote:

  “The tragedy in painting a highly sensitive child as stubborn is that the learning opportunities are lost. There are lost moments of potential, deeper connection, and true intimacy…”
  (Nikki, 08:10)

The Weaponization of Stubbornness Labels

[15:00–20:00]

• Society uses terms like “difficult,” “uncooperative,” “headstrong,” and “pain in the ass” to shame those showing healthy resistance.
• Nikki shares personal stories of being told, "You just always think you’re right, don’t you, Nikki?"—comments which instilled confusion and shame about her own critical thinking and instincts.
• She discusses how often “compromise” is a one-way street, especially for highly sensitive and eldest children: it really means “give in and don’t rock the boat.”
• Quote:

  “I learned it should be easy for other people and that should be the priority over whatever stubborn desire I was wanting or experiencing.”
  (Nikki, 18:14)

Stubbornness in Narcissistic Family Systems

[20:10–24:40]

• Many HSPs are raised by parents with narcissistic traits, whose self-absorption prevents them from truly seeing their children as separate beings.
• In narcissistic dynamics, children are expected to be extensions of their parents; stubbornness is seen as a threat to control.
• Nikki reframes stubbornness and insight as the “kryptonite” that can break cycles of dysfunction in families.
• Quote:

  “Stubbornness and insight may be the kryptonite that shows up in the child of a narcissist. That may be what it takes to ultimately break those cycles of dysfunction.”
  (Nikki, 24:33)

Reframing Stubbornness as Genius

[25:00–29:50]

• Nikki invites listeners to reclaim and celebrate the positive aspects of stubbornness: being resolute, tenacious, persistent, steady, and authentic.
• She highlights the traits of so-called “reluctant leaders”—often HSPs—who quietly observe, then offer wisely stubborn guidance.
• Stubborn HSPs are frequently goal-oriented, conscientious, loyal, reliable, and authentic—qualities that make for visionary, trailblazing, and trustworthy individuals.
• Quote:

  “Maybe when society looks at you or your family looks at you and says, ‘ugh, so stubborn,’ maybe you’re just very clear about who you are and what you want.”
  (Nikki, 27:55)

Stubbornness as Backbone & Moral Compass

[30:00–32:25]

• Nikki equates positive stubbornness with having a “backbone,” standing one’s ground, and not compromising on values.
• She acknowledges the struggle of people-pleasers and the need to reclaim a “hard, stoic, strong, not bendy backbone.”
• Quote:

  “Do we really need to connect with this idea and give permission to feel the strength of an unwavering backbone, to not back down? Stubborn people know how to stand their ground.”
  (Nikki, 31:47)

Reflection and Call to Action

[32:30–34:45]

• Nikki offers reflective questions:
  • Has your stubbornness served your highest good or just your ego?
  • Has it been used in the light (wisdom guiding it) or in the dark (immaturity or protection)?
• She encourages listeners to develop a proud, peaceful relationship with their stubbornness and to examine whether it exists within healthy boundaries.
• Quote:

  “What happens if you make peace and make positive your relationship with stubbornness? … Maybe, just maybe, have a different relationship with your own stubbornness.”
  (Nikki, 34:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I trust stubborn people to be who they are. Principled, strong, reliable, grounded.”
  (Nikki, 34:20)

• On positive stubbornness as innovation:

  “This kind of positive stubbornness describes visionaries, pioneers, trailblazers. … Trailblazers are the people in society who truly innovate.”
  (Nikki, 31:15)

• On compromise in relationships:

  “One way compromise is not compromise. We don’t always need to compromise, just like we don’t always need to always have hope if hope is being used like it’s being thrown down a black hole.”
  (Nikki, 30:30)

Key Timestamps

• [01:00] — Societal baggage around “stubbornness” and headiness
• [08:10] — The tragedy of labeling sensitive kids as “stubborn”
• [18:14] — Early lessons on compromise and people-pleasing
• [24:33] — How stubbornness can break narcissistic family cycles
• [27:55] — Reframing stubbornness as clarity and strength
• [31:47] — The essentiality of “unwavering backbone” for HSPs and visionaries
• [34:05] — Invitation to reconsider your own stubbornness

Closing Thoughts

Nikki concludes with a powerful invitation: instead of shaming or shrinking from stubbornness, sensitive and insightful people can embrace it as a tool for authenticity, leadership, and positive change. Developing a healthy relationship with one’s own stubbornness is not just self-acceptance—it’s a radical act of self-leadership that can break generational cycles of dysfunction and inspire others to stand in their own truth.

Final thought:

“If we’re not being stubbornly true to ourselves, what the hell are we doing?”
(Nikki, 28:45)

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