Bedard’s Shoulder Injury Is Bad News But He Remains A Blackhawk

Summary

Empty Netters Podcast

Episode: Bedard’s Shoulder Injury Is Bad News But He Remains A Blackhawk

Date: July 9, 2026

Hosts: Dan Powers, Chris Powers, Dr. Watkins

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the major NHL news of the week—Connor Bedard’s shoulder injury and its broader implications for the Blackhawks, his career durability, and ongoing rumor-mill drama. The brothers zipped through the compressed off-season, emerging captaincy picks, spicy NHL rumors, and then turned toward lighter fare—weddings, World Cup, hot dog eating contests, space diamonds, and their signature fun segments: Fraud Watch, Top Hits, and a 90s Nickelodeon blind ranking. The episode pulses with their brotherly chemistry, wild hypotheticals, digressions, and a pure love for all things sports and pop culture.

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Key Sections & Timestamps

• NHL News Sprint: Bedard's Injury & Offer Sheet Rumors (04:00 - 12:47)
• NHL Captaincy Vacancies & Trade Scenarios (13:16 - 23:10)
• World Cup & Corruption Riffs (24:35 - 34:46)
• Weddings: Swift/Kelce vs. Dua/Callum (35:50 - 51:41)
• Joey Chestnut, Hot Dogs, and Competitive Eating (51:53 - 60:36)
• Gardening, Loofahs, & James and the Giant Peach Allegories (60:58 - 70:12)
• Space, Diamonds, and the “Booze Cloud” (70:14 - 77:37)
• Fraud Watch & Top Hits (79:43 - 106:32)
• Blind Rank: Best 90s Nickelodeon Shows (106:40 - 116:31)

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NHL News Sprint: Bedard's Injury & Offer Sheet Rumors

(04:00 – 12:47)

• Connor Bedard’s Shoulder Injury

  • News breaks that Bedard hurt his shoulder in a summer skate. The group debates his durability and compares him to Jack Hughes.
  • Chris: “If this was like, he got rubbed against the boards and rubbing is racing. And now his shoulder's dislocated, then I'm like, you are a bitch. But if he's like, I slept weird, then he's fine.” (04:27)
  • Joke speculation that the injury was from a summer spike ball or wakeboarding session, using practice as cover.

• Breaking Update Insert:

  • After recording, news emerges that Bedard has had shoulder surgery and will miss 4 months:
  • Dan: "Listen, I said this to Kane’s fans about Jarvi. I was like, don’t panic. Like, this is the time to get a shoulder surgery. Yes. Do it right now. You maybe miss a month. So he’s not going to miss the whole season. But listen, I don’t love 20 year olds getting surgery." (10:11)
  • Chris: "If he misses time from a July 7 shoulder knock... you got—“ (06:13)
  • Speculation about how this affects his extension, trade rumors, and offer sheets (“Who offer sheets him now?” – Chris, 11:34)

• Offer Sheet Mayhem

  • Rumor: Flyers sent an offer sheet to Chicago for Bedard, but he refused.
  • “The Flyers should be offer sheeting every 1C that they want... but what’s awesome is Connor Bedard’s like, I’m a Blackhawk and that’s okay.” (07:06)
  • Hosts riff on hockey rumor media and Bedard’s evolving “cool” off-ice persona.

• Memorable quote:

  • “Cool era Bedard—getting injuries, playing spike ball, he’s faking injuries at hockey practice to cover up his spike ball injury, but I’m not hurt that bad. That’s cool, Bedard.” – Chris (11:06)

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NHL Captaincy Vacancies & Trade Scenarios

(13:16 – 23:10)

• Dylan Larkin Trade Scenarios

  • Dan proposes three new Larkin trade fits:
    1. Columbus (offer: Johnson, Sillinger, 1st)
    2. Carolina (offer: Nikishin, Kotkaniemi, 1st)
    3. Dallas (Robertson for Larkin, straight up)
  • Chris: “I would rather be shot dead than traded to the Columbus Blue Jackets right now if I'm Dylan Larkin.” (14:00)
  • Banter on Ohio life, bad trades, and Larkin’s fate.

• Rapid-fire Captaincy Predictions:

  • Ducks - Carlson
  • Bruins - Pasta or McAvoy
  • Blackhawks - Bedard (if the “spike ball story” is true, all the more reason!)
  • And so on—includes strong, impassioned Drew Doughty support for LA:
  • Dan: “You put that on him and you don’t even blink. Whoever’s the next captain will become the next captain later. It’s Dewey, and that’s obvious.” (19:33)

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World Cup & Corruption Riffs

(24:35 – 34:46)

• Hosts react to Argentina advancing, officiating drama, and Egypt’s coach’s accusation of FIFA corruption.
  • “You’ve got a lot of logistics going into getting these teams here just for the refs to go, ‘Messi, we’ll make sure Messi wins no matter what.’” – Chris (25:17)
  • Debate over VAR and missed-calls: “If you’re gonna piss on me, tell me it’s raining.” – Dan (30:44)
  • Chris likens late-game soccer scoring to NFL no-huddle drills.
  • Comic riffs on pro sports corruption, and, for levity, corruption in pro bowling and pro equestrianism.

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Weddings: Swift/Kelce vs. Dua/Callum

(35:50 – 51:41)

• Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce’s Madison Square Garden wedding vs. Dua Lipa & Callum Turner’s high-fashion Sicilian bash.
  • Adam Sandler officiated at Swift/Kelce, Paul McCartney performed, “streets were flooded with Swifties.”
  • Dua & Callum: $1.73 million Italian villa, Elton John performed "Your Song," fashion icons in attendance.
  • Dan: “Was this a classic class versus trash situation? I say trash with love… when I hear a guy from Ohio marrying a gal from Tennessee, the heart of it all, getting married into the heart of country, a professional sports stadium with Adam Sandler officiating, that feels very like small townie to me. And I fucking love that.” (38:14)
  • Extended banter on wedding details: cake for fans, charity donations, lack of gifts, guest list drama.
  • Hot take: “Taylor Swift could literally sell her fecal matter. Someone would buy.” – Dan (45:50)

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Joey Chestnut, Hot Dogs, and Competitive Eating

(51:53 – 60:36)

• Recap of Joey Chestnut’s continued hot dog dominance—66 dogs in 10 minutes.
  • “There a point to this competition anymore? Because he just wins every year.” – Dan (52:57)
  • Chris waxes nostalgic for the Kobayashi era.
  • Discussion of food, training, and wild hot-dogging party flashbacks.
  • Speculation on Chestnut’s health: “Does Joey Chestnut live to 60?” and jokes about how your body feels after just one hot dog vs. 66.

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Gardening, Loofahs, & James and the Giant Peach Allegories

(60:58 – 70:12)

• Report on a British gardener breaking world records for the largest garlic, loofah, and pea pod.
  • Chris: “The stories are always cooler when it’s someone who’s like, I planted a pumpkin… and then one day, it’s the size of a fucking minivan.”
  • Riff on loofah origins (turns out, yes, they’re grown, not fished), and a wild tangent into James and the Giant Peach, child abuse subtext, and whether giant garlic could save a mistreated child.

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Space, Diamonds, and the “Booze Cloud”

(70:14 – 77:37)

• Hosts react to the discovery of a rum-and-raspberry-scented gas cloud (“booze cloud”) and diamond-raining Neptune.
  • “Are we not taking advantage of space enough?... We’re so obsessed with our pretty little planet that we don’t go up, up or down.” – Dan (73:26)
  • Much riffing about future “Neptune jewelry” and harvesting space resources.
  • Evan: “The heart pumps blood out to other places.” (73:47) (in relation to Ohio, the “heart of it all”)
  • Sci-fi digressions on teleportation, Interstellar, and what would happen if Earth got Neptune’s diamond weather.

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Fraud Watch & Top Hits

(79:43 – 106:32)

Fraud Watch Picks

• Evan: “Charity at the check stands/registers” – Calls out how stores ask for donations, then claim those as their own for tax breaks. “So it’s just a scam for major grocery stores and chains.” (80:19)
• Chris: “People who get mad at ‘we’ in fandoms.” – “The entire point of fandom is a community… Yes, we won.” (83:17)
• Dan: “Netflix and chill” (and indecisive streaming culture):
  • “We’ve all gotten into the doom scroll of streamers... You go on the streamers and then you doom scroll for an hour without picking something…” (88:14)

Memorable Quotes:

• “Say your wheeze is a great shirt.” – Evan (87:03)
• “You know what I need Netflix to do? ...when you open Netflix, it doesn’t give you options. It’s a new category...your next watch: one movie.” – Dan (92:22)

Top Hits

• Dan: “Ice cream walks. My favorite sweet treat is ice cream. Especially in the summertime, going on a walk, grabbing some ice cream... best feeling in the world.” (96:39)
• Chris: “Spices. Spices are awesome...You can flavor the shit out of whatever you want in delicious, delicious ways and it’s really nothing.” (100:24)
• Evan: Anim short “Paper Trail” by Don Hertzfeldt—poignant, life-tracking montage, recommended for a good (and possibly emotional) watch. (105:02)

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Blind Rank: Best 90s Nickelodeon Shows

(106:40 – 116:31)

Blind ranking list, their placements:

1. Hey Arnold
2. Doug
3. Rugrats
4. Ren & Stimpy
5. Rocco’s Modern Life

Peer Commentary:

• Dan: “Hey Arnold was that show... To have a cartoon make you be like, I want to be Arnold. I want Arnold’s life.”
• Chris on Doug: "Doug was me. Doug was you. Doug was all of us."
• Evan: “Gross-out humor was my thing.” (after defending Ren & Stimpy and Rocco)
• Extended nostalgic riffs on song themes, favorite characters, and the relative coolness/psycho-ness of each show.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If you’re going to piss on me, tell me it’s raining.” – Dan, re: soccer officiating and FIFA bias (30:44)
• “Cool era Bedard... I play spike ball, I get hurt, I fake injuries at hockey practice to cover up my spike ball injury.” – Chris (11:06)
• “Joey Chestnut is on borrowed time.” – Evan (58:21)
• “I think the group of people that think when fans say 'we', they don’t like that... Shut the literal fuck up.” – Chris (83:17)
• “You can flavor the shit out of whatever you want in delicious, delicious ways, and it’s really nothing.” [on spices] – Chris (101:19)
• “Say your wheeze is a great shirt.” – Evan (87:03)

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Final Thoughts

• The Empty Netters trio bring razor-sharp humor, candid sports culture insights, passionate nostalgia, and distinctive personalities to an episode that ricochets between frank analysis (especially around Bedard and the NHL), lighthearted pop culture, and banter-laden deep dives into the weird and wonderful world of sports fandom and beyond.
• Bonus for trivia fans: multiple segments feature impromptu sports and pop culture history, as well as hilarious personal stories and wild hypotheticals.

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[Still can’t decide what to do next? Take a walk, grab some ice cream, and say your wheeze.]

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Empty Netters podcast.

[B]

Can you believe what this has become?

[C]

There was a full 48 hours where I felt like I was like literally Superman.

[A]

Jumbo loves playing Fortnite.

[C]

So does he gets on the sticks.

[A]

Did TR show you the saunacycle or was that all you did? No, I invented that.

[B]

Almost a year now that I haven't

[C]

taken a body check.

[B]

That's kind of nice.

[A]

So we are back. We are horned up and we are going deep.

[C]

Finished tonight with some chicken fingers and a few Guinnesses.

[B]

Ran into you guys.

[A]

And that's where this pod came to life. Ice is ready. And we're back with another episode of the Empty Netters podcast, brought to you by BetMGM. I'm your host, Dan Powers. We got Dr. Watkins on the sticks. And over here your co host, Chris Powers,

[B]

as always.

[A]

Don't like it. I love it. What these guys are doing. Coming at you with another episode. This is our Thursday ep and like we've told you earlier this summer, things are going to be a little bit different these days. On Thursdays, yeah, we're going to talk a little bit of hockey. We're going to do an NHL news sprint to Dr. Watkins has a nice buzzer. We're gonna get a little bit of time to talk about a few things and then we're getting into fun stuff today, folks. We're talking about what's going on in the world. We're talking about the World Cup. We're talking about weddings. We're also talking about farmers and space. Can you believe that? And then we are getting into some

[B]

fun that's very interstellar. Farmers in space.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

What was that? The log line of interstellar.

[A]

Do you think I do things randomly? No, I think about shit. And. And then again now, as always on Thursdays, we're getting into Fraud Watch and Top hits. It's going to be a great, great episode, capped off with a nice blind ranking. Let's go ahead and get into the NHL news sprint. I'm going to wait for Dr. Watkins because right now he's futzing with the camera and that's okay because he's going to put us on that timer and it's going to be incredible.

[B]

I can't believe. I can't believe these are getting five. I can't believe these are five minute majors. These are two minute minors.

[A]

Well, you know, there's only three and I just didn't want to. I don't have to be too.

[B]

I actually was hoping today to go like this. In today's Hockey news, Nothing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Moving on.

[A]

Moving on. It's been funny. I saw a lot of people after the USA got bounced from the World cup in truly embarrassing fashion. I saw a lot of people being like, God, I can't wait for hockey to be back.

[C]

And.

[A]

And don't get me wrong, folks. I hope that the NHL delays the season six months.

[B]

I hope they go on strike. I hope there's a work stoppage.

[A]

The amount of time that I need off from hockey is remarkable.

[B]

I hope there's a work stoppage for you. Don't want to hurt people's primes too badly. So two years, I think two years off. Come back strong, by the way. 20, 28 fall, and then I'm like, boom.

[C]

Is this the shortest off season? Like, I would say hockey with Olympics specifically, dude.

[B]

So a couple years ago, the season went so late, the draft was that like, that Friday, you know, we flew from the cup to the draft, literally. And I was like. And everybody was like, that is.

[A]

That can't happen. It was a disaster.

[B]

And something did happen that year. It was like. Because it wasn't four nations, it was the year before. But there was, like, something that spread the season out a little bit, and they were like, oh, we gotta fix that.

[A]

I think it just, like, was long.

[B]

And then this year, the season ended a little bit earlier. A tiny bit earlier. But good news, everyone.

[A]

We're adding games.

[B]

We're adding games. So the season starts in September instead of October. So get fucked.

[A]

It's an absolute nightmare. Also, we're gonna get into this NHL news Sprint. But I do need to say, I desperately need you to get a haircut. It is just.

[B]

We're going. We're going till the work stoppage is over.

[A]

Okay. Then I need the NHL to come back next week. Absolutely. All right.

[B]

I serve two Eagles.

[A]

NHL News Sprint. We're starting with Connor Bedard's injury future. Evan, put us on the clock.

[C]

You're on the clock.

[A]

So news is reportedly Connor Bedard got a shoulder injury in one of their summer skates. There's no update on it. My questions are, are we worried about his durability?

[B]

Depends on what this is. Jack Hughes started to get this thing, like, oh, Jack smaller. Does he get hurt? And bedsy. Dude, shout out. Home by three beds. He had his chin out a couple years ago. Yeah.

[A]

And didn't have it tucked.

[B]

Didn't have it tucked. And then that's what happens. I don't know what this is. If this was like, he got rubbed against the boards and rubbing is racing. And now his shoulder's dislocated. Then I'm like, you are a bitch. But if he's like, I slept weird, then he's fine.

[A]

I mean, he did not sleep weird. It happened on the ice.

[B]

Well, that's what they're telling you.

[A]

That's we. There's video of it.

[B]

Well, that's what they're telling you.

[A]

You think that they went out and staged an injury on the ice?

[B]

I think it would not be the first time that someone was wakeboarding and got hurt and then they went like this. Just go get banged and practice and go, yo, my shoulder hurts.

[A]

That's actually genius. Getting injured doing a summer sport activity. You're playing spike ball, beach volleyball. A little bit too hard, you get injured, and then you go, I'm gonna just pretend I'm fine. I'm going to suit up. And then the first thing that happens, I'm going to go down and go, he tweaked it.

[B]

Tweaked the shoulder.

[A]

I'm injured.

[B]

So I think this was spike ball, wakeboarding, whatever. I mean, he played 70, 69 games last year.

[A]

I just think if you're that young and you're not playing 82, I don't know what's wrong with you. I said the same thing about Macklin his first year. I was like, buddy, come on. And then he missed a couple this year.

[B]

So you can't get knocks.

[A]

Not in my NHL, not in my book. I mean, I talk about it all the time. People want to talk about Jason Robertson and these clowns out there going, he's soft. The guy plays 82 games pretty much every year. Every year he's soft.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Iron Man's a thing for a reason.

[B]

Okay, then yes, he has a durability problem. He is a bitch.

[A]

I just. I think if we stop it, dude, that's the answer.

[C]

Hey, come on. Penguins need to offer sheet him. That's what I've been hearing online. Come on, man.

[A]

I think if he misses time at the beginning of the year, I'm a. I'm officially a little worried about him.

[B]

Oh, dude. If he misses. Even though we just said September, if he misses time from a July 7 shoulder knock, you got.

[A]

You're being a little too harsh.

[B]

Oh, my God, bro. He could be shot in the shoulder. Someone could have broken to practice, put a bullet in his shoulder, and he should be ready for September 29th.

[A]

All right, well, now we're gonna switch to some cool shit. This is a big time rumor. Not. Hey, Fucking people. Rumor clipping us and, like, writing articles. This is a rumor.

[C]

Oh, yeah. We. You live. We live in Orange County.

[A]

Yeah, no, it has some, like.

[C]

Should I pause the clock?

[A]

No, no, it'll be quick. Some Ducks account, like, posted something that

[C]

they quoted you, Dan.

[A]

Yeah, and it was. It was a great post. It was just like, what we said, and it was like, the Empty Netters podcast is in Orange county, and they're massive Ducks fans.

[B]

And I was like, okay, you know what? I am a Ducks fan. I don't live in Orange county, but I. I love the Ducks.

[A]

I come to go, we don't live in the OC but we do have love for the Ducks. Yeah. Rumor that the Flyer sent an offer sheet to Chicago for Connor Bedard, and Connor Bedard said, smell ya later, dude.

[B]

You know why that's awesome? Cause the Flyers should be offer sheeting every 1C that they want that. That idiotically is not signed. I would. And I also. What's also awesome is Connor Berdard like this. I'm a Blackhawk, and that's okay.

[A]

That's what I don't. I disagree with you about the first part because we literally spent all last episode talking about how insane this is by the Flyers, because even if the Ducks don't match now, they are fucked with the 18. So I'm like, I don't think it's sick that they're doing that well. I. I love the Mayhem.

[B]

I would love to know the number.

[A]

I love the Mayhem. I love if this is true. I love it from Connor Bedard being like, no, because I'll tell you what, man. He came into the league and he had a little bit of a Sid McDavid robot label, and I think we saw it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

With some of those interviews where he's like, I don't eat fast food. I do this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think he's letting the lettuce grow a little bit. I think he's hanging out with Macklin

[B]

a little bit more.

[A]

And we're seeing him chirp like he chirped Utah fans after that OT win goal last season. I think he's becoming more of a human. Yeah. And I think this is cool shit, too. Connor Bedard is getting cooler every day before our very eyes, and I think it's very cool.

[B]

He just got hurt playing spike ball.

[A]

I hope this is the man. Dude, this guy got injured playing spikeball, and now he's faking injuries on the ice so he don't get fined. This guy fucking rocks, dude.

[C]

Do you think it was Dennis Rodman over here?

[B]

It definitely was less than Leo, right? Like they sent five by.

[C]

Yeah. How would they not?

[A]

Again, rumor. We don't know that this happened, but yeah, I would guess so.

[B]

Isn't that crazy? Like, Conor Bedard's like, did you just offer Leo Carlson 5, 3 more minimum 3 to 4 more million dollars than me. And they're like this. Yes, I actually would. Now, the reason he didn't sign is because he. Not for Blackhawk's loyalty, but because he also got a rumor he heard about the Leo offer sheet and it was for double his.

[A]

No. The rumor is it was way before they sent it to Bedard and he said no. And then they went to Leo.

[B]

That's the rumor. And they went, we're going to LEO now and we're upping the price.

[A]

Well, you don't know. Why do you keep assuming that there

[B]

is no universe where Bedard got five by 18?

[A]

Did you change?

[B]

I actually didn't. But you did.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

Because we have an insert.

[A]

Quick emergency insert, folks. After we recorded, it came out that Connor Bedard has had shoulder surgery and is out for four months.

[B]

Must have been one hell of a spike ball game.

[A]

Yeah. So listen, we're adding a little bit of time to this five minute blitz, but we said, are we worried about his durability? And now he's missing four months. Now it's the beginning of July.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He's gonna miss like one month of the season.

[B]

And this, I feel like this always happens where. Especially with the kids. The young kids.

[A]

Yeah, the young kids.

[B]

He'll just be back sooner. Like they're saying four months, which by the way, always do that, always say too long for my expectations as a fan and then have them come back earlier. They're saying four months. November. I bet he's back. I bet he misses a week or two and he's back in mid October. But I'm now with you and especially dude, because we have no info. But don't forget, he. It was his shoulder that cost him this seat, this pass seat or not cost. But like, that was the games he missed when he got tangled up with Shen. Is it the same shoulder? What happened? You know, I don't know this information yet, but that would bother me even more if they're like, fuck, same problem.

[A]

Listen, I said this to Kane's fans about Jarvi. I was like, don't panic. Like, this is the time to get a shoulder surgery. Yes. Do it right now. You maybe miss a month. So he's not going to miss the whole season. But listen, I don't love 20 year olds getting surgery.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like.

[B]

Which is same with jar.

[A]

I'm like, you're. Well, he's not 20.

[B]

Well, how old is he? How old is Bedard?

[A]

20.

[B]

Is he actually 20?

[A]

Yes, that's why I said 20. I mean he turns 21 in like nine days, but he's 20.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

I don't like, I don't like 21 year olds getting surgery. Yeah, I'm kind of like, damn, dude, like you're already getting surgery. And. And that is ass cheekies. But I listen, he got injured playing spike ball. Allegedly.

[B]

Allegedly.

[A]

And I think that makes him cool. Well, we're entering cool era, Bedard. I get surgery, he's playing spike ball. He's getting surgeries. Oh, dude.

[B]

Here's the thing though. I think you need to cool Bedard is. I play spike ball, I get hurt. I fake injuries at hockey practice to cover up my spike ball injury, but I'm not hurt that bad. That's cool, Bedard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Getting a slightly surgery that puts is. I got hurt playing spike ball. I now need surgery in about four months. So he actually Dan, he swung so far too.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Yeah. That he needs to reel it back in a little bit and go do some homework.

[A]

Is this good for Kyle Davidson and the Blackhawks as far as contract extension?

[B]

Yes. And even more so.

[A]

You're a broken man.

[B]

Even more so. Who offer sheets him now?

[A]

I think plenty of people.

[B]

So yeah. It's actually a nightmare because the offer sheets come in. Actually, no, this is good because offer sheets come in, they're lower because they're like, hey, dude.

[A]

Or are they higher? And then because teams are going like this, we're gonna fuck you. Because now you have to match for a broken man.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But then it just puts the chip on that shoulder, which is bad.

[B]

Which that could not afford any structural damage. No, no, no.

[A]

We can't afford any more weight on that.

[B]

This is a disaster.

[A]

No, it's not. This is cool, Connor.

[B]

This is too cool. Connor.

[A]

Put it this way. Things have been bad in Chicago for several years and it feels like every single year with this kid there has been some sort of injury. And now here we go again.

[B]

Dude. That's what. And I think, like I said, I think almost two weeks. But that is actually what really sucks because it was a joy to watch him last year. Yeah. When he's driving after, obviously he won rookie of the year. But just last year I was like, that's there's the guy. There's the guy they drafted. I was really excited to see that upward trajectory. It's still going to happen, but I just, I can't. I can't be having him missing time.

[A]

Sure. Listen, you're not happy about this.

[B]

No.

[A]

But I still think the era of

[B]

Cool Connor is still here, is still on. We're still in Cool Connor season and I'm fine with that right now.

[A]

Let's get back. Next topic, Dylan Larkin. Landing spots. I got three trades for you. The three teams that I think are the most likely this juncture. This is from me.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

This is not a rumor. This is from me. I also want to shout out our fucking boys at the fucking show. One of the great Instagram accounts in the game they had, they did a little video on this and these teams were on there as well. And I was like, oh yeah, dude, that's exactly what I'm thinking. Okay, here are the three trades that I think are most likely. And I made up the package.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But these are the three teams. Because Florida is out. I personally, I don't know how Vegas makes this work. So I'm leaving Vegas off my list. Although they were my number one pick at the beginning of all this and they remain on there. These are three new teams. I think Minnesota's out for me. My liking. These are more so teams that were never on his initial list that I think make a lot of sense. Number one, the Columbus Blue Jackets. Zach Rensky is sticking around. And if you add larks to that team, playing with his best friend Zach Rensky, all of a sudden we might have some action here. So the trade is Kent Johnson, Cole cylinder and a 2027 first round pick for Dylan Larkin.

[B]

I would rather in Ohio is the heart of it all.

[A]

The heart of it all.

[C]

Heart of it all.

[A]

People are saying that.

[B]

Don't forget that everybody. But I would rather be shot dead than traded to the Columbus Blue Jackets right now. If I'm Dylan marketing.

[C]

Well, they can do that with a giant cannon.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.

[C]

They can shoot you with a cannon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? Shout out our good friend Dakota Irvin. When I was a ute, a teenager playing hockey with dreams of the NHL, he once watched a game that I played in and we were all hanging out after it and he was like, you know what? I see you on the Blue Jackets. And I went, why? And he was like, I don't know. When I just like look at you play. I just like. I imagine a Blue Jackets jersey And whenever I hear the Blue Jackets and, like, think about a trade there, I'm like, this. That could have been me.

[B]

You have love because of that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Dak.

[B]

Shout out, Dak. Dude, that's awesome.

[C]

I know.

[B]

It's an awesome story.

[A]

Listen, man, I think Johnny Goudreau picked that place for a reason. I've never spent time in Columbus. I hate Ohio State because of allegiances to Michigan. But I bet living in Columbus, like, around Ohio State vibes, probably great real estate prices.

[C]

That's where my dad played football.

[A]

Good. Good place.

[B]

That's what.

[C]

Yeah, he played football at Ohio State. He has a national championship.

[B]

Suck. Suck it, dude.

[A]

First of all, faced.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Second of all, that is amazing.

[C]

Well, I've spent some time there because he tried to get me to. We're going to circle back because we're on the topic.

[A]

That's incredible. I bet Columbus is probably like a wonderful Sanders mom.

[B]

I spent time there, was fucking gas.

[A]

Yeah. So why. Why are. Why is this bad?

[B]

Because, A, they are right next to where he was and is from. Like, he's like, oh, great. Now I just moved.

[A]

Ohio is not right next to Michigan.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Dude, it is pretty close.

[A]

It's close, but it's not right next to him.

[C]

But it's basically.

[A]

It's not like we're talking Jersey.

[B]

And I flew to Detroit to get to Sanders. Like, that's the closest.

[A]

I know they're close, but you know, they're not. I mean, that's as close as it comes.

[B]

All right, so you don't like it, and they blow. Like, he's like, I just want to.

[A]

But you add him. Maybe they don't blow.

[B]

No, they do. They blow.

[A]

You add him, then you go. Trade for Aiden Hill as well. Now you got a goal.

[B]

Okay, then trade for Matthews. Trade for McDavid. Let's get everybody to Columbus.

[A]

You're being ridiculous.

[B]

They suck.

[A]

Number two, the Carolina Hurricanes. We've been saying this for the jump, and now Elliot Friedman's talking about it. Elliot, I know you. Listen, just fucking admit it. Carolina 4 Nikishin Cockaniemi and a 2027 first.

[B]

Love it. They would repeat and they. Detroit would never in 1 trillion years take that package.

[A]

Why? Nikishin's amazing.

[B]

They would go like this. Below me. Dylan Larkin is our golden boy. I will not trade him.

[A]

But he wants out. Their blue line is absolutely miserable. All of a sudden, you add Nikishin Dan, he's miserable. The Red Wing's blue line, their right side is in shambles.

[B]

Right side Pretty bad. Is Mode a left shot?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wow. I can't even picture him anymore. I haven't seen Mo play in so long, I don't remember what he looks like.

[C]

You got one minute left, boys.

[B]

Uh, they. I mean, dude.

[A]

God, I hope there's a right shot. Defenseman. Sorry.

[B]

That's all right. If they do great. If. If I'm the Wings. If I'm the Wings, I go Nikitians.

[A]

Sorry. He. I believe he's left shot.

[B]

That. I don't know.

[A]

I'm looking this up. Keep talking.

[B]

He got popped on what was. Yeah. I would be very bummed if I was a Red Wings fan now. Maybe your answer is, dude, the Red Wings are going to be bummed no matter what because they are not going to get a good package. But Stevie to me, has pretty much been like, I'm not doing dick.

[C]

Shoots left.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

Yeah. Nikitian's left. Mo Cider is right. And yeah, I got my things flipped like I need them to beef up the left side.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Because they got Falk on the right side, too. Yeah, they got to get better on the left side.

[C]

20 seconds.

[B]

So I'd be bummed if I was Detroit.

[A]

Okay, last one. Dallas Stars. Jason Robertson for Dylan.

[B]

Dude, I'm one for one. Amazing. Dallas is too deep down the middle, so I don't know what they do there, but I'm so in on that.

[A]

Marks can play right wing.

[B]

Just do it.

[A]

Yeah, I love that one, too. Wow. Perfect timing. Okay, our next topic and final topic. We have NHL captaincy vacancies. 10 of them. Yep. We're going to go through each team and you're going to give me your knee jerk reaction. Who is the captain? Evan. I want you to do it, too. Starting with the Ducks.

[B]

Leo Carlson.

[C]

Skip me.

[B]

You go. You double down fully. You go like this. You're back. And we love you and you love us. You're the captain.

[A]

You have to be the captain if you bring him back. I actually kind of like that. Go like this. You're the captain too now, fucker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My answer is Jackson Lacombe, and I don't think it's close. Boston Bruins.

[B]

Charlie McAvoy for me. But pasta would feel hard done by.

[A]

I think I'm going to go pasta. I think I'm going to go pasta.

[C]

Swayman.

[A]

Nice. I like it.

[B]

I love that. Dude, that actually be sick.

[A]

The Chicago Blackhawks.

[B]

Gotta give it to be.

[A]

What are we waiting for?

[B]

Yeah. I cannot believe he's not the captain.

[A]

Give it to Bedard and Also, if this spike ball story is true.

[B]

It is.

[A]

If this spike ball story is true, and the fact that he's getting cooler and he turned down an offer sheet potentially put it on him. The Columbus Blue Jackets.

[B]

Why was Rensky not captain? Because of Boon Jenner, because of Boone Jenner, Zach Wawinsky.

[A]

I agree. And also, it's like he was like, I want to retire here. I think you slap the C on him and go like this. Prove it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because. And by the way, he's going to. I made this point the other day. He is going to full ark in himself. Like this arc. I've watched. I've just watched happen. He's going to go, I want to be here. They're going to go, you're the captain. And in two years, he's going to go, I would like to leave. And they're going to go, yo, said you wanted to be here.

[A]

And I'm like, I think you got to do it. Strong arm. Next one is the LA Kings. Dewey, dude, I. We're not going to get into this too much, but I'm going to say this. It has not been announced yet.

[B]

And.

[A]

And I am looking at you, King's organization, who we love, and all these executives. The answer is Drew Doughty. And I don't care. I don't care what your hesitations are about his contract. How many more years has he played? Dude, this guy has been a legend for your franchise his entire life. He is the LA Kings. You put that on him and you don't even blink. And whoever's the next captain will become the next captain later. It's Dewey, and that's obvious.

[B]

That's correct. And, dude, not that you're making. It's sports. It's a business. But, dude, what it would mean to that man to later in life have a jersey with King's jersey on it. Agree is enough to you for you to do it.

[A]

Agree completely.

[B]

Don't be a douche.

[A]

Don't be a douche.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Next up, the New York Islanders.

[B]

Crazy take from me here, Schaefer. Just do it, dude.

[A]

You know what's funny? I actually texted Cheese about this the other day, and I was like, how long before they slapped the seat? Because Anders Lee left and Cheez was like, that's not my area, but should be fun to watch. Yep, I think do it, too. It's. To me, it's like a. A lot of people are talking about Horvat, and I'm like, dude, you're acting like Horvat was Like a career islander. He obviously loves there. He's a great player and he is a good leader. To me, I'm like, what are we waiting for? Dude, you literally fired the coach.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you guys were doing this guy is the future of the franchise. There's no need to wait. Do exactly what you did with Landy.

[B]

You got to go. Palmari, Crosby, not Shaf.

[C]

I was thinking Paul Mary.

[A]

Like, legitimately, Palmari's a good option, but also Palmieri, to me, feels like any year he could get traded.

[B]

Yeah, true.

[A]

It's Schaefer. What are we waiting for? You don't need to put it on Horvat because, like, let's say Horbat plays like, six more years. Like, you're going to wait six years to put it on Schaefer. It's Schaefer. Put it on him. Next up, the Ottawa Senators.

[B]

This reeks of a team that won't do one.

[A]

I agree. But I think with the way things went with Brady, you have to pick a new one immediately because you can't let the like, oh, we don't know what to do after Brady. Like, you got to act like that didn't even happen. Yeah.

[B]

Brady who? Jake Sanderson. Then I think.

[A]

Absolutely agree. Sandy for sure. I like Bath. I like the bath, man. A little bit there. I also like chatty.

[B]

Yeah, but Stutzlo would be sick, too. But I just think.

[A]

I think it's Sandy for sure. I think it's Sandy for sure. Okay. Moving on, the San Jose Sharks.

[B]

Toph actually give it to Toph for a year. Let me think. Yeah, that'd be fun.

[A]

That would be fun. It's obviously Mack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stop wasting time. St. Louis Blues.

[C]

Rob Thomas.

[B]

Rob Thomas. Mick Tavish. Give it to McTavish. Go like this. Welcome. We love you.

[C]

Just got there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This. This to me reeks of a. We're not going to do one.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, that's probably right, dude, but it could be. It could be, Bob. The weird thing here is the trade shit. Give it to Jimmy Snuggs, dude.

[A]

I like that. I think the answer is Philip Roberg signing that offer sheet. And then the dude signed till 2032. He's an amazing 25 years old, and, like, a captain on the Blue line in St. Louis just makes so much sense.

[B]

Yeah, true.

[A]

I think it's Broberg for sure.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. And then last up, we got the Vancouver Canucks.

[B]

No captain, and they shouldn't like all these other ones. I'm like, you should make it. This guy. These guys won't make a kid. No one am a captain and nor should they.

[A]

It's such a tough situ. I mean, good God, that team. What a nightmare. But you got to give it to Besser, right? After everything that happened, the fact that he came back, that's actually. And signed until 2032. Like he's. It's Brock Besser is a Vancouver Canuck.

[B]

That. That's actually true.

[A]

Brock Besser. That is it.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

NHL news sprint boys. That was some of the best timing stuff I've ever seen. Let's take a quick ad break and come on back.

[B]

We are in the quarterfinals. Yes. When you're listening to this, it will be the quarterfinals of the World Cup. I'm actually so sad it's almost over because it's been so much fun. It feels like March Madness in the middle of summer and I'm loving it. And now everything's gonna be horrible when we go back to baseball. But they're still cool baseball bets. But I'm just saying the World cup is amazing. And if you want this Tournament to be one to remember, you need to be hitting BetMGM's 2Up early payout. You know why? If you had Egypt and you went, oh my God, I took Egypt moneyline, oh my God, I'm actually gonna win this bet. And then Messi ripped your throat out. Not so with BetMGM. Because the 2up early payout means you just place a pre game match result on any World cup game who you think is going to win. And if your team goes up by two or more, you win. You've won the bet. If you had Egypt and they went up to nothing, you won. You should have won twice because that goal should have counted also. But the second you went up 2, you win the BetMGM 2 up early payout is absolutely insane. You keep the winnings. No matter what happens next, no matter when FIFA decides to rig the game so Messi can win no matter what, you still win your bet. That is awesome. This is available every single match of the World cup and there aren't that many left. So get in on this action and if you haven't signed up for BETMGM yet, you can join that family by using promo code netters. That's N E T T E R S When you sign up and you get a fifteen hundred dollar new player offer on your first wager. How are you? How's your mother? BetMGM make it legendary.

[A]

We're back. And now it's time to get into what's Going on in the world. Number one, Vargentina moves. Excuse me, Argentina moves on in the World Cup. What do we think about what is going on here?

[B]

I think a lot of things. I think that it sucks. I loved. This is kind of the next point. But the Egypt's coach's comments, the second half of his comments ring so fair to me. Because it's not the easiest flight to get to the old US of A. From some of these places.

[A]

Sure. Why?

[B]

And why. And the traffic in all the cities is brutal. Cause everyone's going to the games. The hotel rooms. It's like, you know, it's chaos. We were. When I was at the Norway game, this is actually cool. We were driving in early and I'm in the Jersey Turnpike, you know, it's a zoo. And they. This massive police escort came and then it was the teams like the buses were going by and I was like, oh, sick. Because the cops have to be like, yo, move. I have to get the teams to the game. So my point is there's a lot of logistics that go into getting these teams here just so the refs can go, Messi. We'll make sure Messi wins no matter what. And I'm like, that is annoying. If I'm another coach or player, there is.

[A]

I don't think that there's a tournament without any controversy. There's no championship without controversy, without complaining about stuff. But I'm gonna be honest. Selfishly, I loved this because I got really bummed out with all the talk about USA and the Baligan red card and the fact that there were poo pooers. There's always people who wanna poo poo, dude.

[B]

People poo pooing all day, every day.

[A]

I'm telling you. I think one of my least favorite things right now is how sensitive everyone is. We gotta start laughing about stuff again. And I'm not saying we should laugh about corruption. Other I do think that one sometimes we should. I love that funny quote. There's like that guy that's like, I hate corruption if I'm not involved.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's funny. You should laugh at jokes. The Baligan red thing. I like people flipping their stance. A lot of people were like, I'm not mad that the red card got suspended because it was a bad red card. I'm mad that Trump got involved. And I'm like, totally hear that. Politicians, government, stay out. And I'm like, just ignore. He's like, I made a phone call. And I'm like, I'm sure you did. Dude, shut up. But I was getting bummed at people being like, fuck, man, this was such an awesome World Cup. There was so much goodwill for the US and now it's ruined. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's only ruined if you let it get ruined. Ignore that bullshit. Let's keep having a blast and let's move on. And there's nothing, there's no better way to move on than some more corruption. Yeah, we're on to the next thing.

[B]

As always, as always with FIFA. Yes.

[A]

FIFA's corrupt as shit. And the Egypt coach being like, why do I fly here, dude?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Like, that was so. He was so bluntly like, you guys cheat. For Messi, for Argentina. It's a joke. Fuck you.

[B]

I wasted my time coming here and now the whole world has seen it. Yeah, yeah. He's so right. I'm so glad he said it. I so often say I want more fucking authenticity from my athletes and coaches in post game interviews. I usually mean it in losses, but in wins and losses, yeah. Nothing would make me happier than my favorite athlete when my team loses to come out and instead of going like, we gave it a best, it was a really good effort, you know, they were the better team today. I want them to go. This is the worst day of my fucking life. I'm so mad and humiliated. Just lay it out there because I know that's how you're feeling. I have played sports. Lay your soul bare, dude. We have both played sports at a competitive. And it doesn't even matter how competitive you've played if you are in a serious game and you lose. I want to hear exactly what you're feeling because I know what you're feeling and so does everyone who's done it. So fucking say it out loud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was so happy with this, where he goes, I don't give a shit what's going to happen to me. You're all cheaters. Fuck you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I kind of will always

[A]

forgive a coach or player if they, right after a game do a press conference and they're so emotional and then later they're like, listen, sorry I said that. I'm like, don't be sorry.

[B]

Don't be sorry at all.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

What I don't like about the game itself is, in my opinion, Egypt's second goal should have counted, so they should have been up 20 earlier. But to be fair to the sports world, that changes what happens. Butterfly effect, you know, you don't just get to go then we would have been up 3 nothing. And I'm like, well, no, because you would have been up two nothing earlier and things would have gone differently. So I don't know. Right. But I do think that goal should accounted. I think there was cries for the penalty on Mo Salah right before the Argentina goal. And that sucks. What I cannot respect though.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Cannot respect is giving up three goals in a soccer game with 20 minutes left. I don't care if you're playing the fucking Monstars.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is a joke. And this is one of the great chokes of all time. So you also have to live with that.

[A]

It's a meltdown by Egypt.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And listen, I don't like the second Egypt goal that's called back. I think that's absolute dog shit.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I think that is an improper use of various. I think it goes against the game and I'm a big. If there's a missed call, call it. If you have the technology. We talk about tennis. Tennis is perfect. Tennis literally took away line judges because they were like, we have technology to know if a ball is in or out.

[B]

So funny.

[A]

Moving on. And I'm like, every sport do that with sports that have fouls that are decidedly subjective. There's no like that is certainly a foul versus something that's not. But if we're going all the way back to the other end of the pitch a full minute before the goal is scored to take a goal away. That happens against Argentina, you have to at least look at that Mo Salah foul.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to go like this. Hold on. We're going to look at that and then spit in our faces and go, nope, no foul. You can't just ignore it because then it looks so brutally one side.

[B]

Good point. Very good point.

[A]

That's all I'm saying. If you're going to piss on me, tell me it's raining. I know people say, don't piss on me and tell me it's raining, but have the decency if you're going to piss on me to at least tell

[B]

me that it's raining. Dude, I said this to the annex text yesterday, so you already saw this, but it has never ceased to amaze me. And dude, this goes back to like when you and I were really getting dialed in soccer early, early 2000s. Some of these insane Champions League battles, Chelsea, Barcelona, Ronaldinho, where Chelsea's up a goal and I'm like, please don't let them score. There's only five minutes left. And then they score and I all since from that day to this very day, I has always blown my mind how easy it is to score in soccer when you actually need to score, considering no one scores ever, until you're like, wait, we're desperate. Let's score. And I know I already. I had this thought, and I already came up with a good comp.

[A]

It's like, I know the comp. Can I. Can I guess the comp? It's NFL teams doing 2 minute TR.

[B]

Yes, it is literally. It is literally no huddle where I'm like, oh, just score.

[A]

Just play. No huddle at all times.

[B]

And they're like, well, the fear is like, well, then we give the ball. And I'm like, who gives a fuck?

[A]

It is your best offense.

[B]

Yep. You would score most of the time. And then, yeah, you turn it over a couple times, you're d. Tired, they score, then you just go score.

[A]

It is.

[B]

It may. I have never been more sure of anything that soccer should just be like,

[A]

run and gun, dude.

[B]

Go try to score. It's pretty fucking easy. Like, just score a fucking goal, dude. God damn. So, yeah, it is actually. It is. It is a choke by Egypt. But it is funny because I'm like, kind of isn't a choke. Because soccer is actually pretty easy to score when you're actually fucking trying. And instead of just dicking around and passing backwards for 80 minutes, it's like, oh, I have an idea. Kick it towards the fucking net. And then they scored.

[A]

I find it so funny. These are always such fun topics because, like, I want to say I do not believe that FIFA is cheating to aid Argentina. But then so much stuff happens. Like, go all the way back to the group stage. When Messi scored his hat trick. He fucking destroyed a man's ankle right before, like, probably should have been a card.

[B]

It's the same. It's the exact same thing as Val.

[A]

And they were like this. Not even looking at it, not calling it. No nothing, I think. But hold on, hold on, hold on. I. As much as I want to be like, they're not doing that, so much stuff happens. The larger thing is like, I love Messi. He's my goat. It's just like, these things become so funny when you look at their cakewalk. And I know a lot of that has to do with, like, they won their group, but their group is pretty easy.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And then their path now to the final is hilarious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just like, okay, here we go.

[B]

They are cheating for them, but so does every sport. Or, I mean, not for them. Every sport, like the NBA is like, I would love to see.

[A]

The NHL does not.

[B]

The NHL is the only one.

[A]

The NHL is a perfect league.

[B]

The NHL is the only one. The MLB is full of corruption.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Pro bowling. Pro bowling is like, oh, my God. Who writes the biggest check?

[A]

You ever seen the Professional Equestrian League?

[B]

No, but I imagine there's some horseshoes

[A]

have springs in them. You would not believe the corruption going on in the Pro Equestrian League. The pel. Is unbelievable.

[C]

Putting those horses on steroids or something, is that what's happening?

[B]

They're fucking pumped full of juice.

[A]

Those guys are. It is surging through their veins. It's remarkable.

[C]

And then the. The jockeys, they're giving them, like, anti steroids to make this. They're like, making their bones hollow, like, to be lighter.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Like birds. That's so funny. Jockeys, boats.

[C]

Yeah, I got a joggy that weighs 15 pounds.

[B]

They're anti calcium pills, you know, like, there's like dark matter, like.

[C]

Yeah, no, it probably gets, like, some ribs removed. You know what I mean? Like, you can do some surgery to

[A]

shorten your leg saying hollow bones. Like. Like freaks. It's, you know, people. What's that shit called? Triphobia or tryptophobia. Yeah, what's that called where you don't like clusters?

[B]

So weird.

[A]

Oh, people look at a honeycomb and they lose their mind.

[C]

Tryptophobia, dude, look it up.

[B]

Evan.

[A]

I think it might be. Just try. It's not triphobia.

[B]

I think it is triphobia.

[A]

It might be. Just try

[B]

po. Tripophobia.

[A]

Trypophobia.

[B]

And then.

[A]

Or is it trypophobia?

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's what it is.

[A]

Trypophobia. People look at that and they absolutely freak out.

[C]

I don't like it either, but I gotta say, I don't am a phobic, but it is. It is gross.

[A]

As more as it's come out, more, I think more people are like, oh, yeah, it's not stucco.

[B]

It actually is stucco.

[A]

It's exactly stuff. Get that picture off my screen before I get trypophobia.

[C]

It's gonna vomit everywhere.

[A]

When I hear hollow bones, it makes me shudder because it makes me think of me having hollow bones and then them breaking and looking like. Yeah, a piece of. Like, what are those? What are those? Alice just bought candy that was this. Those really lovely. I think it's like an Italian dessert.

[B]

Oh, yeah, wafer.

[A]

A circular cylindrical wafer filled with, like, a chocolate mousse.

[C]

Hockeys or whatever.

[A]

It's. I Just described that perfectly.

[B]

You did?

[C]

Yeah. Those are good.

[A]

No, I'm not. I'm not being like. How do you not know the name? I'm just going on a roll there. I was a little surprised that I stuck the landing so well. And if I stuck the landing with hollow bones, they would have turned to dust.

[B]

It's like.

[C]

Yeah, your legs would be through your fucking butthole.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

What's. What's the. What's the very famous one? Cannoli. It's like a cannoli, but way thinner.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving on. Let's get into some wedding talk.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We had a couple of big weddings recently and it got me thinking. We should have a little bit of a wedding wars discussion. Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce finally tied the knot on what many not us thought was a PR relationship. But they're dating now. They're official.

[B]

Oh, dude, they're married more than dating.

[A]

They're married. They've tied the knot. They got married at Madison Square Garden over the weekend. Adam Sandler officiated.

[C]

My favorite on that is. And. And do you. That's how he officiated. You think?

[A]

He quoted the incredible performance by Rob Schneider. And I now pronounce you Chuck and you can do it doing the circle thing.

[C]

Oh, no. I don't know.

[A]

He's playing an incredibly offensive Chinese man.

[C]

Oh, of course.

[A]

And he's like Robert Schneider. A marriage is like a circle.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he did.

[A]

I wonder if he did that.

[C]

Maybe he did.

[A]

The streets were flooded with Swifties. Paul McCartney performed. Apparently. He played like I want to hold you'd hand for the first time in decades or something.

[C]

Yeah, I heard that. Yeah. Something from the 60s.

[B]

That's gas.

[A]

But we had another wedding, folks. Dua Lipa and Callum Turner, who I personally am dubbing the hottest couple on planet Earth right now. Okay, I'm doing it. Those two also were just married on apparently June 6th in Sicily. In Italy. And they had a secret service in London on May 31. So they've had an extravaganza of a wedding. This wedding was held at the Via Valguanera in Palermo. Three day bash. Cost an estimated $1.73 million. Included 200 star studded guests such as Donatello Versace and Charlie XCX was there too.

[B]

Gas.

[A]

They also had an unbelievable performance. Elton John surprise guests by performing your song while fireworks lit up the sky.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Dua Lipa was in a custom Bottega Veneta feather gown.

[B]

And weren't they weren't Taylor Swift and Travis in custom Dior or something. I heard they also had.

[A]

I think there was some custom Dior.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They had a Kansas City Chiefs logo on it, though.

[A]

The question is, and first of all, let me say, before swifties get mad, we're celebrating both of these weddings.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I am going to say, was this a classic class versus trash situation? Uh oh, because. And I say trash with love. Because. Because when I hear we're gonna get comments. Well, let me explain.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

When I hear a guy from Ohio marrying a gal from Tennessee, the heart of it all, getting married into the heart of country, a professional sports stadium with Adam Sandler officiating, that feels very like small townie to me. And I fucking love that. Because he's from Ohio, she's from Tennessee. Like, they're kind of embracing their. Like, I like this shit.

[C]

Well, they got married in Madison Square Garden. I mean, that's not. Most people from Ohio and Tennessee don't really have the paper to pull that off.

[A]

At the end of the day, they got married inside of a sports stadium. I don't care how big it is.

[C]

Also concerts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they did it, apparently, because they didn't want any drones. But I'm like, get married inside of a castle. Drones can't get inside castles either.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

I think you could also get missile air. My point is systems for that.

[A]

We have one that was very unexpected and kind of like American.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And then we have another that's like this big, beautiful Italian wedding. And I love what Taylor and Travis did. I love what Callum Andua did, too.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But I. They're so different. And I love it.

[C]

I mean, there's a lot of fun. You go ahead. And then I've got a list of some funny things.

[B]

No, give me the list.

[A]

Yeah, let's get the list of what happened.

[C]

This is maybe my.

[A]

Do they have a nickname, by the way? Are they like.

[C]

Well, no. TNT Trailer. So look at this sign. It's just TNT Married.

[A]

Don't love that.

[C]

Because now I think of the network tnt, where Monday Nitro. Wcw Monday Nitro. And TNT is where the action is. And now it's tnt. So Travis and Taylor, for viewers and

[A]

listeners here, we're looking at a picture that literally, it was a billboard, a screened billboard in New York City that says just. And then off of the word just, it's an ampersand and another T. Right. Like, it just. I don't think that works.

[C]

And they're.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

This is the monogrammed tnt. So it's gonna be forever. Handkerchief.

[B]

So that's her lyric.

[C]

Embroidered gift. Yeah, that's her lyric. Allegedly there was also the wedding vows took about 20 minutes.

[B]

I'm like.

[C]

And allegedly there was some singing that happened from Taylor. From Taylor. I hope.

[A]

I would hope. And if I'm marrying Taylor Swift, I. I need her singing.

[C]

I gotta say, though, I got married and if my wife started singing at my face in front of everybody. Acapella.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm. Even if it's Taylor Swift, I might be like, too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Little too much. Sting. Little too much for me.

[A]

Sting.

[C]

Little too.

[B]

Dude, just say your words. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

But that's me.

[B]

I know. I hear you, dude. Because it's such a.

[C]

It's a bold move.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's massive.

[C]

How long did it go on?

[A]

I heard they were giving cake out to people on the streets.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

Which I think is so cool.

[C]

Let them eat cake.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Makes them feel like they're a part of the wedding. Yeah, I like that. You know that if you. If you are going.

[C]

I didn't. I wouldn't take cake off a New York City street from anybody. I'm so sorry.

[B]

20 minutes.

[A]

If you are going. She sang her vows.

[B]

The vows took 20 minutes. And there was a. And she sang.

[C]

Not. She didn't sing for the whole 20 minutes.

[A]

Let me tell you what, if they release that, it's like the. Taylor's version of. What's that song? I love that song.

[B]

I think there's a whole, like, album.

[A]

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's like a nine minute red.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's. I don't remember, but there's a nine. It's not red. Is it red? I don't think it's red.

[C]

I know jack shit about Taylor Swift, so I'm sorry, I cannot help you here.

[A]

I fucking love her music. I think she bangs. 1989 is Taylor's version. And there's that song that's like nine minutes about Jake Gyllenhaal. It's called I Can do this.

[B]

All Too well.

[A]

All too well. Ah. When that released, people. I mean, we've got friends who would literally. We'd be at parties and they'd put on that nine minute version being like, we're singing the whole thing. And I'd be like, fucking. All right, here we go. If her 20 minute vows get released, do you have any idea how quickly that will go to number one on Spotify?

[B]

People will say it as their vows. Like, there are women that will go, my vows are and then recite Taylor Swift.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I'll be like, yep, I'm happy for you.

[C]

So.

[A]

But hold on, hold on. I was going to say, go ahead. If you went to Taylor Swift's wedding, if you were the type of person who went to flood the streets just to be outside of msg.

[C]

You mean a psycho?

[A]

Be careful. Disavow. I disavow that.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

If you are that. If you are that type of fan and then someone came out with cake from inside, you would shove that cake up your butt.

[C]

I know what I would do. If I was a true Taylor Swift fan, I would get it like, in a fucking airtight. You would put it in JB through

[A]

its hyperbaric chamber and save it forever.

[C]

It would be saved. Yeah, I wouldn't. But I would not eat a. If I was a super fan, wouldn't eat the cake. Be. If some random person hands me cake on New York City street. How do I know? How do I know that it's Taylor Swift's official cake?

[A]

Dude, I think there were like caterers or people walking out the doors being like, here's. I'm pretty sure it was planned is what I read.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Like, they. They were like, go bring this cake out to the people outside.

[C]

Right?

[A]

It was a full on Marjorie move. It was like, that is from Game of Thrones. Like, Taylor is literally Lady Margaery going, there are a bunch of plebes out there just desperate to get a look at us. Go give them some of this cake. We have too much cake. This is thrown away.

[C]

Well, you know, they said that they donated $26 million in charity. Maybe what they meant was they had $26 million in cake and they're just gonna give it to the New York City.

[A]

By the way, that cannot be gloss. I don't care how rich people are, donating $26 million to charity is incredible.

[C]

That is great.

[A]

Yeah, like, that's fucking awesome.

[B]

The freeze, Lex. That is.

[A]

If you're like, on my wedding. Yeah, I donated $26 million.

[C]

Well, that's so people wouldn't get mad that they were eating up Madison Square Garden.

[A]

You know what? Job done. Yeah, like, good job.

[B]

You two.

[A]

People give Taylor shit for flying around in their private jet. You know, I would. I would sleep on my private jet if I had one. I don't fucking like, this is. That's exactly how you satiate our anger. $26 million in charity.

[B]

Did you freeze your cake, Evan, and then eat a piece at your anniversary?

[C]

No, we. What? I. Dude, I don't even remember what happened to that cake. We had some of it. I'm not a huge cake person.

[B]

You freeze the cake and then you eat it in a year.

[A]

Here's an idea.

[C]

Yeah. We're not cake people.

[A]

On your anniversary, go to a nice dinner and get a fresh, amazing dessert.

[B]

What I would have done is frozen that cake immediately, and a year later, sell it for $1 trillion.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Oh, if you're Travis and Taylor.

[B]

No, no. If I'm one of the people who got on the street, I would have gone, thank you so much. And then immediately put it in my. And unfortunately, everyone listening to this right now has already eaten it, and it has now remains broke.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I think you and Evan are both right. I guarantee there are some people who did save that.

[C]

Some people might even poop the cake out and try to sell the poop.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

This is Taylor Swift cake poop.

[B]

Yeah, that's correct. This poop. If you dig deep into this poop, you will find.

[A]

I don't think we need to get into scat talk on this show.

[B]

We might.

[A]

That said, I legitimately bet that Taylor Swift could sell her fecal matter.

[B]

Oh, 100%.

[A]

Someone would buy.

[C]

Don't put this idea in people's heads.

[A]

Someone would buy.

[B]

Someone bought. Someone bought.

[A]

Well, the good news is the only idea this is. Unless Taylor Swift is listening.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, that'd be great.

[A]

Who could do anything?

[C]

Taylor, we love your music.

[B]

Someone bought Scarlett Johansson's used tissue.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Like, I gotta say, this City Sweeney

[A]

literally monetized bath water. People will buy things that come out of celebrities bodies.

[C]

The grossest thing.

[B]

I think that the Beatles are better. The Beatles are better than Elton John.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And getting Paul McCartney to sing a song isn't sung in since the 60s is all time.

[A]

That's power, dude. But Taylor is enlightened.

[B]

But Elton John playing your song, I actually think I actually. In the upset of the century, I think wins more than I want to hold your hand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your song from Elton John is insane at your.

[C]

But he. He might have played some other Beatles hits too.

[B]

True. But I'm just saying, toe to toe, song to song, I want to hold your hand.

[A]

I don't know. I think if you have Paul McCartney at your wedding, you can't ask him to play more than one song. Then he's just a performer.

[B]

Yeah, I'm working, dude.

[A]

It's such a flex to be a guest at a wedding and be a musician and have People be like, can you just do one song for me? Cause then you're not a performer. You're like, this is my gift to you. That's also Pretty Sick by Paul and Elton. They don't have to buy a gift now.

[C]

Well, okay, so apparently there were no gifts allowed. Makes sense. Yeah, yeah, they're pretty. They're well off.

[A]

What do you get these people?

[C]

And then here's some controversy, apparently. Who was it? Blake Lively and.

[A]

Oh, yeah, not invited.

[C]

Ryan Reynolds. Were not there.

[B]

Dude. And I gotta say, there was a clip and I brought this surfaced because Sandra and I are having so many wedding guest list conversations.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I actually got a call from our parents today to reprimand Chris for being such a Goo Goo Gaga baby child when it comes to his wedding guest list.

[C]

Why is he supposed to get that out now?

[A]

No, it's, it's. He wants too many people. Oh, I'm sorry.

[C]

How many people do you want?

[B]

700.

[C]

700. 700.

[A]

The audacity of this man. To think that 700 people care about him enough to come to his wedding is hilarious.

[C]

Are you, Are you renting Madison Square Garden?

[B]

No, I want to do it in an open field, like, just literally. And I said, I said we could search.

[A]

Everyone gets served Kool Aid at one point.

[B]

Yeah, I said we could, we could purchase the field. And now we have an asset. We'll sell it later.

[A]

That was actually funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When like, people were like, you'll never find a venue. And you were like this, I'm going to buy property.

[B]

I'll buy land.

[C]

Chris, here's the problem. Here's the problem with saying you're going to invite seven or there's going to be a few people that don't get invited. They're going to be mad.

[B]

Okay, well, dude, this is what I was headed. Taylor Swift made this comment, and this is to circle back to what you brought up, but Taylor Swift made this comment, which I immediately. Sandra actually showed me. We were laughing about it. Where she goes, they were like a thousand person wedding. And she goes, by far the worst part about the wedding is when you have a guest list having to be like, oh, who's on the outs? Yeah, just invite everyone that you are. Friend. Like, if there's. Oh, here's this friend group of five people, three of them. I'm really tight with. Two of them. You go, just bring them all. Cause like, now there's no issue. And obviously she's allowed to do that because she has so much money. But you can have 700 people in a fucking field for no money. So it's possible.

[C]

I get that.

[B]

But my point is, I'm so aligned with her where I'm like, the only awkwardness of the wedding is, like, that person's not coming. Even though they totally could come. And I'm like, then fucking invite them. Like, this is lunacy, dude. Bring them. So the fact that she has that public statement where she goes, I'm inviting a thousand people because under no circumstances would I ever want someone to think they couldn't come. Cause they're my friends. And then to not invite those two.

[C]

Well, was it that she didn't invite Blake or Blake didn't go, oh, fair.

[B]

She didn't invite them.

[C]

Or if she invited Justin Baldoni, that's a problem.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Good question.

[C]

I don't think he was there.

[A]

So awesomely petty.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Oh, you're not coming.

[A]

Well, listen, love's in the air.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And I think it's amazing. We had two incredibly different weddings, two equally spectacular weddings. And I hope they all live happily ever after. And I also hope that Callum Turner becomes the next James Bond.

[B]

That'd be cool.

[C]

You think so?

[A]

That is probably my pick. I've said for a long time, I really like Aaron Taylor Johnson for that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But now he might be too big. And I really do like that. I know the broccolis aren't fully in control anymore, but I like how traditional Bond people are. Like, the best part of the new Bond was always that at the time, no one knew who they were. And that is true of Daniel Craig. Like, very, very few Daniel Craig, or, excuse me, Daniel Craig Bond fans had seen Layer Cake, you know, before Casino Royale came out. And I do love that when Bond introduces the world to a new actor. So I think that there is a world where, if it doesn't go to a Callum, say, and I know Josh o' Connor is now in the running. People are talking about, Lordy. And I'm like, I would rather a true newcomer be cast as the new Bond over some of these guys. But if it is one of these guys, I agree. I really do like Callum.

[C]

Dan, look right into the camera and give him your best Bond. James Bond. And say, you're auditioning Bond.

[A]

James Bond.

[B]

That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

[A]

Thanks.

[C]

That's pretty good.

[A]

It would be. It would be the greatest dream of

[C]

my life that I. I mean, if you were British, you'd have a shot to play Americans. They can't get.

[A]

Yeah, they can't. But Batman.

[C]

That's true.

[A]

Still in there. All right, moving on to some more fun stuff. Joey Chestnut. Yep. This is gonna be quick.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But Joey Chestnut keeps his belt in the hot dog eating contest. For any of our international listeners, every year on Fourth of July, there is a Nathan's hot Dog. It's Nathan's, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. And we have an absolute hero here, a Usain Bolt, if you will, of hot dog eating named Joey Chestnut. He wins it every year. This year, he ate 66 hot dogs to be crowned the 4th of July champ yet again.

[C]

How long does it take him to get those hot dogs?

[B]

I'm pretty sure 10 minutes.

[A]

Is it 10?

[B]

10 minutes?

[A]

10 minutes.

[C]

10 minutes. 66 hot dogs in 10 minutes.

[B]

And buns. And buns.

[C]

Reportedly, you know, they dip them in water.

[B]

Yes. Fucking yeah.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. This like, that makes me want to vomit.

[A]

Oh, I'll tell you what, it's not a fun watch. If you watch the con and it's televised, it's like his face is beet red, his cheeks are. Are just puffed out the whole time, and his, like, veins in his forehead and neck are bulging as he's just stuffing down 66 glizzos. The question is, is there a point of this competition anymore? Because he just wins every year.

[B]

Well, Kobayashi was my goat. Yeah. I actually loved it.

[A]

So fucked up, dude. Because Joey is American.

[B]

Well, but it was cool, though, because Kobayashi is loop size.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, Kobayashi would, like, this tiny little Japanese dude would walk in and eat. Put. Dude. If you stacked the amount of dogs Kobayashi would eat on top of each other, it was bigger than him. So I was like, where is this possibly going? And it was awesome because, like, he was the guy. And then Joey Chestnut came in, and I didn't like it because I was like, dude, you're upsetting the order of things here. And then Joey Chestnut clearly was like, I'm better than. And I can accept that and understand that. Kobayashi's all time best at The Nathan's famous Fourth of July hot dog eating contest is 53.75 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes, which he achieved in 2006. He burst onto the scene in 01 by eating 50 dogs, which was the record. The contest format later changed to 10 minutes, which is what it is now.

[A]

So Joey Chestnut, I actually distinctly remember the year when he was trying to defend his title when he puked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And his, like, eyes were like, oh, no.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I.

[A]

They were like, you're disqualified because you Can't. What do they call it? They have like a term.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like an evacuation.

[B]

No, but it's like.

[A]

I think it's that.

[B]

I think it's like something that's coming. Like reanim. It's like a re in it, I think. But you're right. You're 100% right.

[C]

Refund.

[B]

Yeah, it's something like that.

[A]

Regurgitation.

[B]

So Joey just did 66 in 10. In 10. Kobe's record is 53 and he's getting better. And. Well, no. So Joey. This is what I was going to say.

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, Joey did 76 in 2021. Like this 60. So what I was going to say.

[C]

Yes. That was post Covid, though. He had a lot of time to.

[B]

True. Because I was going to say this is. We should keep doing it because someday someone will beat him and that'll be cool or not cool. And he'll go. He'll never lose. And it'll be sick until he retires, which is also a thing. But I am slightly frustrated with Sir Nut because I would like a better fucking effort because I know you have 76. You're capable of fucking out of 10 more. You need to be clearing 70 every time.

[A]

This guy retired years ago.

[B]

Years ago.

[C]

How old is he now?

[A]

The fact that he keeps coming up because there's no contender. He keeps coming out to entertain you, you asshole. And you're out here telling him he needs to eat more dogs. Also reportedly 42. He comes out. That is way beyond playing age. He also apparently does this. And then that night gasses like 20 beers. Yeah, Chad, I can't imagine. So fuck you.

[B]

He also. There was a year. I'm pretty sure we can look this up, but I'm pretty sure he skipped one because. And did like his own special on Netflix or whatever. Because they. It's not like they weren't paying him, but they were fucking him over in some way and he went pretty public about it. And to that I am completely on his side because this does not exist without Joey Chestnut. Like, I cannot believe anyone is trying to strong arm Joey Chestnut in the competitive food scene.

[A]

I don't know. We talk about doing like the 999 challenge all the time. And I'm always like, I couldn't. I physically couldn't do it. Like, I could drink the nine beers, but I physically could not put down nine Dodger dogs on top of nine beers. I couldn't. Who do you think in this office would put up even a decent showing in a hot dog eating contest?

[B]

Falbo. I don't know if he counts still, but Falbo really.

[A]

I know Falbo can handle heat. Can he eat a lot too?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Foul is just good at food related stuff.

[B]

Edge. I like.

[A]

I kind of like Danny.

[B]

Danny me.

[A]

I watch Dan. Yeah, you are always a dark horse in these. Danny, straight up, used to. We were talking about this yesterday. He used to buy Bogo fried rice and spring rolls for lunch and just pound both.

[B]

Both. Dude, Chinese food lunch is. And dude, I don't mean like a green leaves lunch on a weekend Chinese food.

[A]

Check out Chinese during the work week for lunch and eating it at your desk is insane work.

[C]

That's a fun smell.

[B]

Dude, I texted Loop.

[A]

I don't mind the smell. I think the smell of Chinese food's incredible.

[C]

Was it Panda Express?

[A]

No, no, it was.

[B]

I wish. Dude, that Walk on Fire, dude, Loop ordered. There's a Chinese food place Walk on Fire that we really like out here. That it's. It's very New England. Feels like a New England Chinese place.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah. And I put him on. We put him on it and he really likes it now. And he. The other weekend texted me. Every time he gets it, he'll shoot me a text like, order and walk. And he shot me a text the other weekend that. That he was ordering wok on a Saturday and all the text said was just ordered wok. And it was Saturday night. And I did the laugh at it, like in the. You know how you can do that on a text? And he goes, what is funny about that? I was like, I don't know. Something about Chinese takeout on a Saturday night got me like Sunday night, I'm like, yeah, you know, But Saturday, because it was like, it wasn't late night. It was like eight. I was like, are you going out? What is happening?

[C]

Yeah, literally wanted to put no effort into cooking or going to a restaurant.

[B]

Like, holy.

[C]

Sit on the couch. The weekend's over now.

[B]

Chinese takeout on a Saturday.

[C]

What do we. What do we think? So he's 42 years old. Does Joey Chestnut live to 60?

[A]

I. Evan, is he putting his body on the line? Every time I watch him do this shit, I'm like, this dude is on borrowed time.

[C]

The amount of sodium, I can't even imagine. Six hot dogs, but I can't even imagine.

[B]

I think he's quite healthy.

[A]

There's no way he's quite healthy.

[C]

But I would say if you're training to do this, how do you do it where you're not eating Hot dogs. But you're eating something that doesn't kill your body.

[B]

There's.

[C]

That's what I wonder.

[A]

That pops up on my algo every now and then. Who feels like a robot? He's the most monotoned dude of all time. And he does all these videos where he sits in his car and he just pounds so much food. Like, he goes to Crumbl and he's like, crumbl. Cookies of the week. And he gets 12 cookies and eats all of them. My God, it's unbelievable.

[C]

My God.

[A]

It's like. And I can't even. I believe that's like 10,000 calories.

[C]

His foot is the size of a basketball. Yeah.

[A]

He's insanely ripped. He's in incredible shape.

[C]

So is he just lifting weights for five hours?

[A]

He's done videos where he's like, how. And by the way, he drinks, like, a gallon of milk.

[B]

Yeah, he does this too.

[A]

He's done videos where he's like, how I stay in shape when I eat like this. And he posts his workouts and stuff. So I think people like this guy and Joey, they, like, train their stomach to be able to consume this much food.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But six of the seven days of the week, they're really healthy and working out. But I'm like, that can't be. You're just going like this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

So I had hot dogs. I had one hot dog, one hamburger, and a bunch of crab dip on Sunday. And then I spent the rest of the day on my couch going, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I was like, I had too much food. I can't imagine adding 65 more hot dogs. Dogs.

[A]

I've been super into dogs lately.

[B]

I don't know why dogs are gas.

[A]

Yeah, they are. I mean, they're probably not the best for us, but I've been really digging dogs.

[C]

They're absolutely not the best.

[A]

I'll also say meat in there. We. We talked about this. Shout out. We. I've said this on the pod before when I talked about my dog D. Dog day. Shout out. Liza, my friend who put me onto Trader Joe's having the split.

[C]

I got those, by the way.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

On our fourth of July hang, we had sesame seed dog buns, which was nice.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

They weren't split top, but they had sesame seeds on them.

[B]

And I was like, yeah, we'll take that.

[A]

That was pretty cool. Speaking of herbs and spices, we've got a British gardener named Graham that we're now calling Graham. And the giant garlic set a world record growing the Largest single head of garlic ever, weighing in at over £3. That's lbs, not British bounds.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

My question is, if you were but a humble gardener, is something like this the pinnacle of your existence? You grow something so large that it gets in the Guinness Record Book.

[B]

And just to be clear, this is like, dad, right? Like, he's just a guy with a garden.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

His name's Graham, and he just, like, lives in England.

[B]

You just plant a pepper. You plant a pepper plant, and then one day you come outside and you go, honey, look at this pepper.

[C]

Wait, was it intentional? Like, genetically.

[B]

This is what I was trying to do.

[A]

No, no, no. Not genetically, but Graham. I believe Graham did a technique where he used certain soils that are. It's also, like, an interesting form of garlic. It was an elephant garlic, which is actually a type of leek.

[B]

The fuck?

[A]

Good for you to know. But, yeah, it says he planted it through a black weed membrane which warmed the ground and blocked harsh winter frost. So he did this intentionally?

[B]

Yeah. So it's still cool. Definitely.

[A]

But, I mean, Grant Barrett set out with a goal, and he achieved it.

[B]

But it just. The stories are always cooler when it's someone who's like, I planted a pumpkin.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then I'm like, oh, my God, the pumpkin's the size of a fucking minivan.

[C]

This guy's British.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

If I'm an Italian gardener, I'm looking at this going, watch your ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Garlic's our thing, dude.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. I hear you. My other question is this. I think I've said on this show before, I have a bit of green thumb. I love gardening, particularly vegetable gardening. I had a garden in the past. On what?

[B]

He also broke the Guinness record for the heaviest Swedish heirloom snow pea that day.

[A]

I don't like that he's stealing

[B]

cultures.

[A]

Yes. This is now a culture war.

[B]

And he also.

[A]

Why not a British snow pea?

[B]

He also has the record for heaviest loofah and the longest pea pod.

[A]

Like, this guy sucks.

[C]

Heaviest loofah.

[A]

People forget that loofahs are vegetables.

[C]

You mean the thing I scrub my butt with?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That's grown in the earth, pal.

[C]

Yeah, I don't know about that.

[A]

Isn't that crazy?

[C]

Feels like plastic.

[B]

Is it?

[C]

Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, the ones that are, like, hard.

[B]

No, dude.

[C]

And look like seaweed.

[A]

No, I'm pretty sure loofahs are, like, grown. Obviously, you can buy the fake plastic, but I'm pretty sure an actual real loofah is grown there.

[B]

I think they are, aren't they?

[A]

Think it's like a sea sponge.

[C]

Yeah, it's like sea sponge.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

It's one of the two. Well, comes from the earth is what I'm saying.

[B]

Well, like a loofah. A shower loofah is l o o f a h. And it is like a fucking.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Plastic net.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So a loo that comes from a. That comes from the C. Right. An actual real loofah.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

I'm pretty sure I'm.

[B]

What a real loofah is like. I think a loofah is a literal shower tool, and an L, U, F, F, A is a gourd, like vegetable.

[C]

Okay, so natural sea sponge is loofah.

[A]

No, I am. Right. I said, does loofah come from the ocean? It says no, loofahs do not come from the ocean. They are actually entirely plant based and are grown in gardens on vines. You guys try to make me sound like an idiot.

[B]

Well, there's two different things. Like, that is a. That is not grown on a vine. Correct. That is literally.

[A]

I typed. Yeah. Cause that's. He typed in plastic loofah, you buffoon.

[C]

So, okay, so there's natural loofahs, there's silicone scrubbers. Yeah. So natural loofahs are made from the fibrous dried fruit. How are they made? I never knew.

[A]

The loofah plant produces a long, green squash like fruit. If left to mature on the vine, the fruit turns brown, dries out, and becomes lightweight.

[C]

Okay, so the point is that this guy made the biggest loofah. Yes, you are the biggest loofah.

[A]

He tried to gaslight me.

[B]

I still don't think this is correct. Either way.

[C]

I don't believe it.

[B]

Like, this is. These are different things.

[A]

Graham clearly makes a habit of breaking world records with vegetables. I'm wondering, does this. Are we worried at all that this enters into a. The last of us territory?

[C]

Because you mean more garlic is gonna take over?

[A]

Well, here's the thing, dude. I grew. I like growing vegetables, right? And I had a garden at my old house that was I. The area where I made my vegetable garden had been a vegetable garden of owners past. And the first time that I was reaping and sowing, deep down in the dirt, I found, like, old crops. I believe they were yams. And they were, you know, from seeds of previous owners. And like, these yams were. They were, like, deformed and huge and weird and it kind of freaked me out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think every one of these alien and zombie movies that talks about this it's like life finds a way. And when we think about plants like this, like, that's life. They are growing. It is using photosynthesis and other things to grow and create life. And when we allow plants to grow this big, I wonder, do you enter James and the Giant Peach territory? Do you enter the Last of Us territory where all of a sudden that life evolves because we've allowed it to grow so big and now we might have a bit of a mess on our plants?

[B]

I think it could go either way, though. Last of us. Not good. James and the Giant Peach. Amazing.

[A]

Was that amazing?

[B]

Yes. Dude, I want to talk to a cricket.

[A]

I'm pretty sure James the Giant Peach fact checked me on this. Roald Dahl was spooky. There was bad stuff going on in that book.

[B]

Well, the kid was being mistreated. That was what was bad. He's being molested. By what?

[A]

James and the Giant Peach is about kid diddling.

[B]

Yes. James the Giant Peach.

[C]

What do you think the peach stands for, brother?

[A]

Yeah, pal, if I can't tell if you guys are messing with me. If James and the Giant Peach is about a kid who was being molested by his stepfather and then he had to escape into a giant peach with

[B]

a spider to be safe, that would blow my mind.

[C]

I'll look it up.

[A]

But I want you to type out right now as James and the Giant Peach about molestation.

[B]

There's no molestation in Roald Dahl. It says no, but it's abusive homework.

[A]

But there is a theme of abuse.

[B]

Escapes severe physical and emotional abuse from his cruel guardians.

[A]

Didn't he also do Matilda, whose also

[B]

name is Aunt Sponge, AKA Aunt Loofah. Aunt Loofah, Yeah.

[A]

So, wait, yeah.

[C]

Droll. Dahl was obsessed with kids getting being.

[A]

It stands to reason that Roald Dahl was abused as a child, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Also, James was an orphan.

[C]

Eh?

[B]

Yeah. His parents are killed and he's forced to live with his aunts who treat him like a servant, beat him and force him to sleep on bare floorboards.

[A]

Is James and the Giant Peach just Harry Potter?

[C]

Yeah. No. Well, Harry Potter is ripping off James and Giant Peach. I mean, all great novels tend to. Yeah, still a little bit, but, you know, it's a kid's book. It's how they get the kids in. You say, oh, you're being abused. Read this book. It'll make you feel better. Maybe you can go to a giant peach. Yeah.

[B]

Maybe you can live in a peach.

[A]

Maybe you can. What a dream that would be.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

So we're not worried that it could. Well, it could go bad, but it also could.

[B]

It could go good. Go good.

[A]

It could. A giant head of garlic could save a child of abuse.

[B]

If he goes like this. What happens if he goes like this?

[A]

Is there a world where Graham Barrett is abusing his child?

[B]

Yes, guys, very likely.

[C]

This is. This is so more real than you think, because I don't know what your politics are, but because of climate change, they're saying that mushrooms are, like, growing in number and their ability to live. And if they get in your body and you don't, like, the antibiotics, can't fight them anymore because there's so many different variations, they can kill you. Yeah.

[A]

This is literally.

[C]

You won't become a zombie, but it will just give you a horrible disease.

[A]

It's literally the plot of the last one.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm never eating mushrooms again?

[C]

No, you can eat them once they're cooked. They're dead.

[B]

You gotta cook them.

[C]

You gotta worry about the growth of them. Yeah, yeah. In your body.

[B]

In my body.

[A]

Do not let mushrooms grow in your house.

[B]

I think it would be cool if in Graham's garden.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He goes to be like, I wonder if there's another fucking record in here. And then there's a. Like he peels back a leaf and there's a ladybug the size of. Or talking a sewer.

[A]

Are they. Are the insects. It's a bunch of insects in James and the Giant Peach, Right. Are they all huge or does James get small? No, no, I haven't read James and the Giant Peach.

[B]

Dan, the peach is huge. It's called the Giant Peach.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What am I talking about? How did they get huge?

[B]

I can't remember. I think he gets a jar of magic beans and he.

[A]

And it makes him.

[B]

It turns everything. Like, he puts it on the peach,

[A]

and then, like, the peach gets huge. And also the insects get huge. All the things that they go inside the peach, Right?

[B]

Oh, yeah. They, like, sail the seven seas.

[A]

Are the seven seas inside the peach or are they sailing seven seas on the peach? We gotta read James and the Giant Peach.

[C]

Yeah, we gotta. We'll circle back on that one.

[A]

Our last topic of the world is actually leaving the world and going to space. Because I saw some interesting things about space. Number one, astronomers are doing their thing. They're exploring. They're checking out certain things. And they're staying in the Milky Way, our own galaxy. And inside it, they have found a massive gas cloud that's packed with ethyl formate. If you're unfamiliar with Ethyl formate. That is the gas that gives raspberries their flavor and apparently smells like rum. And they're calling it the booze cloud.

[B]

Sick.

[C]

How do you guys. How do you not say that's gas, dude? Yeah, it's like your catchphrase, Evan.

[B]

That's gas, Dan. That is literally gas.

[A]

You could have said it.

[C]

I know, but it's your phrase. It's not my phrase. Your phrase.

[A]

That is gas.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

Additionally, we have apparently discovered that on Neptune, it literally rains diamonds. The intense pressure crushes carbon into solid gems. Here's my question. Are we not taking advantage of space enough?

[B]

Of course not.

[A]

But people call it the final frontier.

[B]

It's very hard.

[A]

How do we know all this shit, though? Because here's an idea. Why are we not. We got blood diamond issues here.

[B]

Yeah, go to Neptune, bitch.

[A]

Why are we not just sending a drone to Neptune with a giant net to catch said falling diamonds and bring them back and put fucking K Jewelers out of business?

[B]

Then everyone gets married and then we call.

[A]

The new company is called Neptune.

[C]

Because the value of diamonds probably doesn't outweigh the billions and billions of dollars you'd spend to get out there.

[B]

And by the time.

[A]

It sounds like we're already out there discovering this.

[B]

And by the time it came back, everyone here would be. And their grandchildren would be dead. Like, that is actually probably like, Kay Jewelers has taken over the world in the generation. In the generation that we're now trying to take down.

[A]

Big K. Big K. And it's like, dude, we waited too long.

[B]

Yeah, but we need to get. We need to start traveling faster. I've been screaming this for years.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Planes go too slow.

[B]

How can we not. You're telling me that it takes me six hours to get from LA to Boston and not LA to Neptune?

[C]

Well, when are we gonna get the teleportation stuff going?

[B]

That's a big deal.

[C]

That's the Star Trek thing.

[A]

That's how we are.

[C]

But you know what? In order to do that, they basically kill your body biologically and reconstruct it somewhere else. So every time you take one, you're killing yourself.

[A]

Could you imagine very precise station of raining diamonds that would hurt if it rained diamonds here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The cost of the damages would not be covered by the diamonds.

[B]

Yes, they would.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I think we would. We would become. We would adapt, Dan. We would. We. Every. Every home would be covered in. In diamonds would also be made of diamonds. Yeah, but diamond.

[A]

Home diamond can't cut diamond.

[B]

Right.

[C]

You. I mean, if it's sprinkled diamonds, that would be the worst because you get damaged. Then you wouldn't have enough diamonds to cut.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're like just enough. Just enough to give me and LA

[B]

Tough Seattle's now the capital of the world.

[C]

That's true. Yeah. Kay. Jewelers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just saying there's stuff out there that we could be harvesting. We're not harvesting space.

[B]

We are so obsessed with our pretty little planet that we don't go up, up or down. There are things in the ocean that.

[A]

What's that interstellar quote? It was like we were born here, but we were never supposed to die here.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[C]

That's what I felt about Ohio.

[B]

Yeah. Heart of it all.

[C]

Speaking of the heart of it all.

[A]

It's the heart of it all.

[C]

It is. But you know, heart pumps blood out to other places.

[A]

True.

[B]

That is really good. That is really good.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Evan. Nothing against Ohio. I love Ohio.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Love Ohio.

[A]

It's incredible.

[B]

Yeah. We need to. Dude, we should go. Space is incredible. Well, space is scary. So is the ocean. But there are aliens. They're aliens everywhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we. I want to talk among us. Yeah. They're actually on this planet. They've been on this planet. Ship. Alien ships have been on this planet. And have you seen Disclosure Day?

[A]

It's Steven Spielberg's documentary.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. The whole movie is. It's Colin Firth going, we mustn't disclose the aliens. And then. And then it's Coleman Domingo going, we will disclose the aliens. Yes.

[A]

It's also Colin Forth going like this. Get off of me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time someone touches him.

[B]

Get off of me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Get off of me. Because he was dealing with a lot, man. His wife died. Sorry, Love.

[C]

Actually,

[B]

no, his wife.

[A]

That's. His wife's banging his brother Neeson.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

His wife fucks his brother in love, actually.

[C]

Oh, that's what it is.

[A]

Yeah. Which is basically the same thing that

[B]

actually would have been dead to me. Such an incredible cut. If in that part of Disclosure day, which I won't talk about for the people who haven't seen it, but in that part of Disclosure, if it was that girl.

[A]

Oh, my God, maybe it was.

[B]

That would be awesome.

[C]

We. Yeah. I just think we don't have the infrastructure or the money to go there yet. To get to Neptune, to get that far. Yeah. We need like light speed travel.

[A]

We gotta fucking just sounds pretty sick. Could you imagine if we had atmospheric behavior that every now, you know, we get fog Mist, rain, sleet, snow. If every now and then a booze cloud ran through, and all of a sudden, you just opened your mouth. It tastes like raspberries. You took a big whiff, smelled like rum.

[C]

I mean, I'm pretty sure, like, the area outside of Dublin where they're making Guinness kind of has that. Like, you know, there's distilleries and things.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Would it be sick if they were

[C]

like, talk to Sean about it.

[B]

We will. We are going to build a massive international space station that has everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you can go. And it's got supplies for a trillion years. So you're fine. Like, you will never run out of supplies. And you, we're gonna send you to Neptune. We're send you to all of them. This pit stops at all the planets. You can see them all. But then you will die. Like, you will never come back. Would you go? You can bring 20 people?

[A]

Yep. I would. We'd come back rich, and I would start back.

[B]

That's what I just said.

[A]

Oh, shit, I missed that part. No, I would not.

[B]

You can bring 20 people, and you guys get to have.

[A]

And I have to go live on Neptune.

[B]

No, you get to go. You just travel space forever. No, you all die.

[A]

I would not.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because I'm just Rylan Grace now, and I'm just living on a ship for

[B]

the rest of my life with 20 people. And you have everything. There's a movie theater. There's a gym.

[A]

This ship is like the axiom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. 20's not enough.

[B]

How many people would you need?

[A]

You give me. You give me 5,000, I'll go 5,000 people. And I think there are 5,000 people. I have access to, like, everything that I.

[C]

700 that.

[B]

I'm saying.

[A]

I wouldn't do it for 700.

[B]

Access to everything you want.

[C]

So you. I just think I would miss breathing fresh air.

[A]

But there's fake fresh air. This is the Axiom.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

But you're both right. There's fake fresh air, but it's not fresh air. But there is fake fresh air.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you see that movie Ad Astray? It was the Brad Pitt movie.

[A]

The one where there's randomly. A baboon in space.

[B]

That was insane.

[C]

It was not a great movie, I would say, mostly because the voiceover was really good.

[A]

Trailer.

[C]

The trailer was great. And I like that director, and I like Brad Pitt. But, like, the. The part that I found the funniest to me was when he goes to the moon, and it's just like an airport with like Panda Express and like a Subway and I'm like, oh, that's what would happen.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It would just be like a regular.

[B]

Totally.

[C]

Just, you know, be like the Dallas airport, but it's on the moon. I thought that was pretty fucking funny.

[B]

Fuck, that's good.

[A]

It's beautiful stuff. All right, let's take a quick ad break and then let's get into FraudWatch and Top Hits, babes. You know that I'm all about looking good and style and that's why I want to talk to you about gld. GLD is making some of the greatest jewelry in the game right now when it comes to personalizing your style. And guys, I want to talk to you you specifically for a second because I know a lot of you are afraid of wearing jewelry and afraid of zhuzhing up your style, but you should not be anymore because GLD is hooking you up with amazing stuff like this, this unbelievable gold bracelet that I wear all of the time. You see me with my chains on constantly. Bracelets, whatever it is, GLD has you hooked up. They send it in these unbelievable boxes with nice pouches to hold your jewelry and keep it clean. High quality at all times. Folks, you want to take your looks to the next level. Yes. You got to figure out your style and all your clothes. But after that, it's accessorizing. We love accessorizing. Take your game up a notch with gld. It is a no brainer we see all the time in sports. Players are particular about their equipment, what they use, baseball players, glove hockey players stick, things like that. But then you also see it in their style. And you got to keep going. After you've used, you've figured out what clothes you like to wear. You got to step it up with a nice necklace, a nice bracelet, something like that. And GLD's website is packed with so many amazing options. You've got to check this out because you deserve to take your look to the next level and GLD can help you. So level up your lineup with GLD for a limited time only. New customers are getting an insane deal and this is truly insane. Use Code netters to get 40% off at GLD. Again, that is 40% off with code nettersld.com after your purchase, they're gonna ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. It is time to jump into FraudWatch and Top Hits. We're gonna start with FraudWatch and we're gonna do a true Snake draft this time. Dr. Watkins, why don't you start us off? What's on FraudWatch for you this week?

[C]

Charity. Wow.

[A]

Yes, wow. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce in shambles right now.

[C]

It's not them. I'm very specific about this.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I love charity as a concept, however, specifically, charity at the check stands. I hate charity at the check stands.

[B]

Like checkout. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Am I saying that weird? Is it like a British thing?

[B]

No, I.

[C]

Check stand, checkout.

[A]

I've never heard of check stand at the register.

[C]

At the register.

[B]

Register, yeah.

[C]

Charity at the register.

[A]

Okay, I'm in. I'm all in now.

[C]

Okay, yeah, you know, yeah, cuz here. Here's the big fucking scam.

[A]

Would you like to round up for St. Jude's Hospital?

[C]

Exactly, yeah. No, I don't. And I'll tell you why. It's not cuz fuck them kids. It's cause fuck your fucking corporate overlord who wants to get a tax write off on my charity. So if you give them the money that they give to St. Jude's or ASPCA or whatever, then they get to say, look at all the money we donated. Now we can pay less in taxes. Whereas you could have done that. You could have said, if you really have a charity you care about, you can say, I'm gonna take my fucking $2 or 2 cents or whatever and give it directly to the charity. I don't need to have the middleman. So it's just a scam for major grocery stores and chains.

[A]

So you're telling me my local Vons is actually grifting me?

[B]

Yeah, I'm going to never do that again. The unfortunate rub is I will never take the time out of my day to donate to St. Jude's I will never be like, you know what? I'm gonna take $2 today and donate to St. Jude's so now St. Jude's is unfortunately getting less money because they had just. They. I do. I always do that on the register. I will now never do it again. So St. Jude's just lost every penny.

[C]

I just ruined. I'm sorry I have so many dead children because of me.

[B]

But dude, that is an incredible point. And I am now furious.

[C]

Have you noticed? Noticed that they. It's only at the check stands at the registers. Why do I say check stands? What am I, 55 years old?

[A]

I've never heard that phrase in my life. Is that a British. I don't think that's British.

[C]

When I unzip my suit. Yeah, I'm a lizard person. Yeah. But it like at the self checkout, they don't ask you because there's no pressure. There's no social. There's nobody behind you. Or there isn't the clerk sitting there going, are you going to be a nice person? Are you going to be a fucking asshole today? So it's completely pressured.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

I did not know we were coming full circle. This is corruption.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They are asking you if you want to be a good person and they're kind of guilting you. But actually what they're doing is they're saving themselves money.

[C]

I mean, look, damn. It's not a complete black and white. They are donating money. Hopefully. Hopefully they're not fucking just taking the money.

[B]

Right. They could.

[C]

There's no way. We know. Really. I'm not checking on my don't $2 donation.

[B]

Did that get home?

[C]

But it. But the reason they're doing it is to bring their taxes down by. By donating this money. Whereas if you really want to do it, you can donate directly to the. To the people.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

So.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

That's my fraud watch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's literally fraud.

[B]

It's literal fraud.

[A]

Fucking a good one.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Chris.

[B]

Oh, mine is this. I think I might get Seward for this. I think that this group of people that I'm going to talk about are so lame. I don't hate you. I'm not mad at you. I just think you're so lame.

[A]

You're starting off hot. I love it.

[B]

And I'm sorry if it's either of you two. Cause it might be.

[A]

Oh, shit. You might be in here.

[B]

Yep. I don't think you are, but I don't know. I've never asked you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I think the group of people that think when fans say we, they don't like that. Like the group of people that go we. I didn't realize you played. I didn't realize you were on the team. Shut the literal fuck up. It is called being a fan, dude. The entire point of fandom is a community. Yes, we won. Yes, we won the super bowl this year. Yes, we had our hearts ripped out in the playoffs this year. Yes, we drafted an awesome new prospect. I am a part of the fan community. I am aware I'm not on the team. Do you think when you're going really we. I just forgot that I didn't play. I know what's going on. I am in this together with all the people that like this team. It's supposed. Watching sports is supposed to be fun or sad. Because you care. Right. Like, it's that you're supposed to experience the heartbreak together. That is the entire point of fandom. Anyone that gets mad when someone goes we or we, it's they, dude.

[A]

It's they.

[B]

You're not there, dude. You are so lame. I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you. I'm just. You are just so, so lame.

[A]

So anti. We. People are on fraud watch. Yes, Evan, What?

[C]

Do you want my take on that? Yeah. I actually love this. And the only time I've edited the Wiis out of my life is recently with you guys. Because on the show. Because I was born a huge Penguins fan. Yeah. And so when I refer to them, I naturally want to say we.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But then I'm also like, well, we're talking about so many other teams. It feels weird to like. So I've been trying to edit it out, but on my natural state, I love saying we. And you know why? Because it pushes the narrative forward that watching sports can be an empathetic experience. So when you are the we, you are. You are the player, you are the team. You're really taking to heart the victories and the failures of your team, which I think is a beautiful thing. It really means you're engaged in it.

[B]

Just like you said, dude, someone. There was a. Not a study, but there was some article or whatever that people often say, we. If it's good with your sports team, we won. And they lost.

[A]

They lost it.

[B]

And I'm such a psychopath. I swear to God, when I started noticing it, I do the exact opposite. I go, we lost. And then I go, they won. Like, I literally receive all the negativity and I'm like, we, We've blown it. And then if they want it, flogging yourself, dude, they did it, not me.

[C]

That's great. Dan, what do you think?

[A]

I've got two of these for you guys.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Thumbs up.

[A]

I will say, and I've said this on this show many times, I do not like fandom when it becomes toxic, which is unfortunately way too often.

[C]

It happens a lot.

[A]

And that goes way beyond sports. It goes into TV shows, I would

[B]

say almost always beyond sports. Like, sports fans are some of the healthiest fans I know.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I. Yes, I think that there are toxic, lunatic sports fans, but I agree, sports fans are way more normal with how they deal with parasocial stuff than other fans.

[C]

And I think the Internet exacerbated all this because you have that block where you don't actually have to face up to it. So it's way worse.

[A]

Toxic fandom in other spaces needs to be medicated in a significant way. But that said, I think you're right in that the we is like. It's not. They're not saying I'm on the team. They're referring to the fandom. They're being like, we Dodgers fans. Yeah, not we, the Dodgers. And that only got bastardized because in my opinion, I think it was jealous people would be like this. Oh, we. Cause it was always a way like, we just. Or when people are like this, we won a championship. And they go, oh, I didn't realize

[B]

you were on the team, dude. It's something like this.

[A]

So you're just jealous.

[B]

It's insane.

[A]

So, yeah, yeah. Say your wheeze.

[B]

We won, dude. It was cool.

[C]

Say your wheeze is a great shirt.

[A]

My fraud watch this week is Netflix and chill now. It's not Netflix. Netflix has.

[B]

So he hates chilling.

[A]

So it's. Netflix has produced some great content for

[B]

us over the years.

[A]

Netflix and chill I am referring to as the process now of watching something on a streaming service. And I do think Netflix is the worst. So it kind of is Netflix. Not for I watch. Back in the day, dude, we used to go, hey, do you want to watch a movie tonight? And we would say, yes. And we would go to People's Video or Blockbuster and you would pick a movie that you would think about beforehand or go into the store, peruse, and go, let's watch this one. You would rent it and you would go home and you would fucking watch that movie and you would watch the whole thing no matter what, because you paid money to rent said movie and watch it. And then if you were a good person, you would rewind it and you'd return it.

[B]

Be kind.

[A]

Even then when we got the OG Netflix, you would go on and decide what but you wanted to be sent to your house to then watch it. Nowadays, dude, a, we've all gotten into the doom scroll of streamers where you go, hey, with your wife, with your girlfriend, your fiance, your girlfriend, whatever, your boyfriend, it doesn't matter. You go, let's watch a movie. And you go on the streamers and then you fucking doom scroll for an hour without picking something. Cause there's too many options and you're too indecisive. And then you go, it's too late now. We can't even watch a movie. How many times does that happen? Oh, yeah, or you, like, default and watch something safe. But then what I've noticed Also, now we go on these streamers and they start playing, like, a quick snippet of the movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, you literally watch, like, 30 minutes. But even worse, dude, is what happens is when you go, let's watch this random movie. And you click it and you watch it for 15 minutes and it sucks. And you go, I'm done with this. And you stop. Because you know there's a million other things that you can watch.

[B]

We.

[A]

We gotta get back to taking five seconds to make an educated decision on what you want to watch and then sticking to it.

[B]

Um, I will. I'm gonna give you this.

[A]

Dude, I just think it's bullshit. I'm gonna add. And I'm. I'm sorry. Then you can keep going. I can't stand when I. When a new movie has come out and you go. Especially it's on a streaming service, not a. I bought it on Amazon. And you go, oh, have you seen the new. Blah, blah, blah. And people go, oh, I watched 20 minutes of it. Let me give you my opinion. And I'm like, well, finish it.

[C]

You barely got through the first act.

[B]

Yeah, okay. So I guess I will tweak it up a little bit, because I don't want people giving opinions. But I could not be more on board with turning a movie off that you don't like. My time is so valuable that if I'm watching a movie and I'm like this, I don't really enjoy this. And especially if it's a movie I'm randomly taking a chance on, it's not like a actor I love already or a director that I'm like, I'm gonna see this through. Cause I love their work.

[A]

Well, my thing is this. I have before turned stuff off, and I'll talk to friends and be like this. I wasn't liking it. And if they go, it's fucking good. Give it a shot. I will then give it a shot before continuing to give my opinion. You know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, yes, I do.

[A]

So if you turn it off, I think you're allowed to go, I didn't like it, so I gave up. But you then can't have an opinion on the movie, in my opinion.

[B]

Oh, totally agree. All you can say is, I really wasn't enjoying the first 20 minutes. So I just.

[A]

You gotta do your homework.

[B]

Found a better use of my time.

[A]

I also just think, I don't know, man. Like, it might be good for us to watch stuff fully through. Like, you say your time's so valuable, but, like, you do that. Let's say you do that five times and then all of a sudden you've watched an hour and a half of movies that you decided you didn't like. Wouldn't you have rather have gone, I'm gonna sit this one thing through. I think maybe there's a great scene in it. Maybe there's a. Maybe it gets way better?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I still think.

[C]

No, I would say the caveat to that would be like, if you're gonna. If you're gonna watch 20 minutes of it and then you turn it off and then you spend the next hour scrolling on your phone, looking at dumb bullshit, then it's like, you might as well just have watched the movie.

[B]

Yeah. And. Or, yeah, keep going.

[C]

Well, and I was gonna say some of the stuff that he said about how the fucking trailer plays.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

On every streamer now is so annoying because it's like assaulting my senses.

[B]

I know.

[C]

And like, I hate it so much, I have to mute the tv.

[B]

You can turn it off, by the way.

[C]

I need to figure out what that setting is because I'm just like, I don't want you to immediately just ram this trailer into my eyeballs. But I totally agree with you, dude. It is. There is so much choice. Like when you're on an airplane and you have like 20 bad movies, at least you're like, okay, it's these 20 movies and they're none of them I really love. But you know what? This one is just in theaters and I'll watch it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But when there's so many choices, you've got this thing where you're like, oh, there's got to be something better. Just keep going. Just keep going. It's like, no, dude, just land on something.

[A]

You know what I mean? You know what I need Netflix to do or. Or a third party to do. Netflix, like, has the algo, right? Like, it shows you different thumbnails based on your algo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I need Netflix to institute a decision making algo where you literally turn on Netflix and it doesn't give you options. It's a new category that's right at the top that says. I think there's one that says, like, your next watch, it needs to be one movie. And it goes based on your algo and what you watch.

[B]

That'd be cool.

[A]

Here's your next movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, listen, you can still

[B]

scroll other stuff, like five deadlines, but

[A]

if you go, I wanna watch a new movie, it goes, here's your next watch.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

One movie.

[C]

I mean, they have done some of them like, I know at Christmas time. I think Warner Brothers, the, the HBO app had like a. Like it was like a gift package. Then you click it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then it would like open up the gift and it was the movie you were gonna watch.

[A]

That's.

[C]

They tried shit like that. And a lot of it was like kids movies or Christmas movies or whatever. But they could do that on a more regular basis.

[A]

You know, this is the.

[B]

This.

[A]

There was no way would they would do this. But this is my next step. If you opt into it, it's like, you know how people have those things where it's like it literally blocks your phone from time wasting apps for like two hours. If you sign up for it on Netflix, like sign up for the. Your next watch. When you open Netflix, it goes, do you want to use your next watch today? If you click yes, it goes, boom. The one movie and you can't watch anything else.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be funny. That's what I need. I think maybe they do something like this already. But it would be cool Dan to go. You know, because every time Dan gets on a plane that I'm on with him, he. I will get a text that's like 12 movies. And Dan has gone A to Z, watched, looked at every single movie and then gone. Here are the 12 that I'm interested in. And he's partially doing it just so he has it to reference. But I'm like, send it to me too. So I know what's good. It would be cool if Netflix did two things. One, where you could start favoriting something that's like, oh, this is cool. It's on the platform. So when you're like, what am I going to watch? You can go back to your.

[A]

You can do this. You just add it to your watch list.

[B]

Okay, yeah, the watch list. And then also you should be. And this is on us, but you should be ranking movies every time you finish so that it starts spitting you. Here's movies you like. You've on this platform have said you like these movies. Here are movies like that. That would be cool.

[A]

I'm pretty sure you can do that.

[C]

Well, yeah, no, he's saying you need to actively rank.

[B]

I have never reviewed a movie. At the end of Master Movie, you

[C]

don't give it the thumbs up, thumbs down. So like, like when I was a kid, we had this record store and video rental store called Sound Odyssey. And the guy that ran it was this dude named Ralph Jones who would sit outside, smoke cigarettes. And he literally told all of us, a bunch of dirty stories and weird and weird jokes. And it wasn't like perverted or anything, but. And that was the cool guy because you go in and look at these VHS covers and go like, what do you think of this movie? He's like, you'll like it. Or it sucks or oh, it's weird.

[A]

Or I love that dude.

[C]

Like, we need, like, we need like a personalized Ralph Jones.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Rest in peace. He passed away last year.

[A]

Start this app called Ralph Jones do.

[C]

But like, we need some kind. And I will say, like, I might out myself as a fucking film nerd here, but the Criterion app has great curation aspects to it. Like it has playlists and it's like, here are 80s noir movies. Here's a bunch of fucking French movies about, you know, this would be a

[A]

great floating in space, dude.

[B]

I was just about to say, I didn't know if this was gonna piss you off because you guys use letterbox.

[C]

Like, I, yeah, my wife is big on it.

[A]

I very much use letterbox. Like when I watch a new movie, I go to my letterbox and I rank it and I, I, I don't write a review, but I like just the star meter. I rank it and I categorize it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I feel like I should like put the link of my letterbox into Claude and be like, based on what I like. Give me one movie to watch tonight, dude.

[B]

And it would be sick. Like legitimately, it would be awesome if the platform had and we'll call him Ralph. But if it was like a talking thing and Netflix where you could be interacting with the TV like, hey, I want to watch a movie. Like, I saw this movie Begin Again with Mark Ruffalo. I loved it. Is there any kind of indie music movie like that? And it was like verbally answering.

[C]

I mean, yeah, I mean, look, this is absolutely going to happen whether you want to or not. And the sad thing is is that now people like Ralph have no job.

[B]

Yes, right. That's why it sucks.

[C]

But I'm like, unless they logged in from their house and like, oh, what? What do you want?

[A]

This fixes my doom scrolling fraud watch.

[C]

It's true.

[A]

All right, swing it back around into top hits. My top hit this was going to be my last week is Ice cream walks, dude.

[B]

Eating ice cream with the enemy, dude.

[A]

Ice cream walks are gas.

[C]

They're great.

[A]

Recently did one with Alice where we. I, I don't have the biggest sweet tooth. I've talked about that. But I do think I've come around to my favorite sweet treat is ice cream. I think it's because it's cold. Yeah, I love a cold treat. And, dude, especially in the summertime, going on a walk, grabbing some ice cream or fro yo or in a perfect world, gelato and then eating it while you walk is the best feeling in the world.

[C]

Are you coning it?

[A]

No, I'm more of a cup guy. I do love a cone. I got a soft serve cone the other night.

[B]

You did?

[A]

And eating the cone, I had not done that in a long time. And I was like, this is lovely, but it feels a little more like you really gotta watch it drips, even with the napkin. And I'm a big napkin boy. I prefer a cup.

[B]

What do you prefer? Ev.

[C]

If I'm on an ice cream walk, I'm coning it. And if I'm on a date, Coning it. Very cute.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Very cute. If I'm literally just wanting to gorge some fucking ice cream. You get more value out of the cup. Yes, you can get a lot more in that cup.

[A]

And toppings.

[C]

Yeah, your toppings are more applicable in a cup. But as far as the cute factor. Gotta go. Come, baby.

[A]

Yeah, like, if we're. If we're going for a cute Americana movie moment, you need it to be in a cone.

[C]

Yeah, the licking is suggestive too, which could lead to sex later, I think.

[B]

I.

[A]

Well, I. I lick in the bowl. So then like a cat, I'm down to muck.

[B]

Barn.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he's.

[A]

He's eating ass, dude.

[B]

I think I, as a young, young child, understood the value of a cup earlier than my peers. So I was like, I started getting cups and everyone was like, the waffle cone, sugar cone, blah, blah. And I was like, I want a cup.

[C]

Here's the problem, though. If you get a stale ass cone, it ruins your ice cream.

[B]

Sucks.

[C]

You got to get a fresh cone.

[B]

And there's an ice cream spot in our town that we would all go to. And this was certainly not unique to this ice cream spot. But eventually a friend asked for this, and I was like, oh, that's the play where you get it in the cup. But you're like, like, can you put the cone.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

On it? Like, you just get the cone ice cream, like, in the cup. I was like, oh, yeah, it's genius. That is. That is the play.

[A]

But yeah, I, again, I'm talking walks. Like, I know a lot of people in small towns. You have to drive places and that. And I encourage you to go For a walk while you eat it.

[B]

It's kind of nice. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

[A]

You're burning cows. And there's something nice about walking and eating ice cream.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, when we were in Italy, we. We had so much gelato, and we walked everywhere. I mean, I don't think I gained a fucking pound there.

[A]

Yeah, that's crazy. I'm starting to think ice cream in cities is better than ice cream in small towns because, like, you're just walking around.

[B]

Well, there's place you can walk in a small town.

[A]

It's pretty. It is pretty rare that the ice cream place in your small town is walkable from your house.

[B]

Sorry, I just thought you meant, like.

[A]

No, but that's the whole thing. It's so nice to be able to go. You're sitting in your house or your apartment in a city, and you go, let's walk to that ice cream place. Get ice cream and walk back.

[B]

Eat it on the walk back. By the time you get home, like,

[A]

it's not getting in the car and driving with your ice cream is fucking

[C]

Get a carton of Ben and Jerry's at home, eat it, and go on the treadmill. Yeah, Solved.

[B]

That's nice. But I was gonna say walking on

[A]

a treadmill and eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's is awesome. Yeah.

[C]

Losing weight.

[B]

The perk of a small town, I think, is you drive to the ice cream stop, shop, get the ice cream, walk somewhere. Cause you're. Yeah, everywhere is safe.

[A]

I mean, it's better than not walking, but it is driving home, because you have to then get in your car and drive home.

[C]

Yeah. I was gonna say it depends on what part of the city you're in. If you're getting ice cream walking around, you might be getting shot.

[B]

I was gonna say it's a way lovelier walk. Like, I would be like, I'm talking

[A]

about living in the ghetto.

[B]

I walked the beach instead of. I walked trash.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Walking on the boardwalk with ice cream is great.

[B]

Yeah, it's way better.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yep. Mine is spices. Spices are awesome. And I had this thought the other day where. What?

[A]

I love this.

[B]

I was like, dude, because I was. We were joking with Mikey a while ago where I was like, I love hot sauce because I actually. I used to never be a hot spice.

[A]

Yeah. I'm touching something.

[B]

I never was a hot spice guy. And then actually, I say this all the time. Chatsky got me into spicy food via fire sauce at Taco Bell. Like, he would Take me to Taco Bell all the time and then be like, eat this fire sauce. And I was like, it's too hot. And then I just developed a taste for it, and I like that. But I have stayed on the hot sauce kick because I think it's good flavor, but also, it's so nothing. As I've said many times, I'm. Condiments are my favorite food, but condiments are not good for you. There's sugar and everything. They're ridiculous.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Chemicals.

[B]

Hot sauce is like. Like, it's vinegar. Yeah. Oh, great. And spices serve that role so well too, because you can flavor the out of whatever you want in delicious, delicious ways, and it's really nothing. So for already, I'm like, what a cool thing spices are. And I love having them in the kitchen. I'm not a fucking serial killer like Dan. Where they're in private labels. Personal, private labels. But I have them all, and I

[A]

like nothing private about them. Yeah, it's.

[B]

They're labeled personal, personal, private.

[A]

There's nothing personal or private.

[B]

They're personal. Those are personal.

[C]

We've literally talked about it several times in the show. It's exposed now.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You even exposed camp Mix, and I can't believe you did that.

[B]

I know. That was crazy. But I love being a mad scientist with spices, because you can be like, I'm gonna just try this Potions class. Yeah, it's potions class. It's amazing. And then the thing I really. The cherry on top of spices, for me, in this analysis, is similar to our loofah conversation, where I was like, where are these. Where are these coming from?

[C]

And it's like, Arrakis.

[B]

I just love. Yeah, I just love how it's like, we. I think, as a. And, dude, I don't know. So I'm excited to learn today. I think we, as a people found, like, a berry, and we're like, that's delicious. And then we found, like, a cinnamon stick, and we were like, that is way too much, but it's delicious. But if I ground it down and sprinkled it on things, and I'm like, how did we get there?

[A]

Most spices are herbs that are dried out and ground. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It was just like that. They're a little too poked.

[C]

Back in the day. Back in the day, when we became farming communities, you know, thousands of years ago, they just had one idiot in the town. They would say, go eat that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And if he lived, I think about

[A]

that all the time.

[C]

And if he lived. Yeah, if he lived, then all right, let's try it. And if he died, we're like, all right, we're not eating.

[B]

Okay, next.

[C]

We're not eating that turd or whatever it is. Get the next dumbest person.

[B]

I love this.

[A]

Spices are incredible. If you want to keep. Keep things lean, it is the best way. I mean, dude, other. Other nations and other cuisines have been doing it right for years. But also, if you. If you're more of a wet fan. Olive oil, vinegar, and lemon. Just take all those spices and then add oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a wet mixture now.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Spices rock.

[C]

You gotta be careful, though, because I was making sweet potatoes in the air fryer, and I meant to put on.

[A]

Fuck. Paprika or paprika.

[C]

I meant to put on paprika and

[A]

you were coughing your head off.

[C]

Dude.

[B]

What is paprika, by the way?

[C]

No idea.

[A]

What is. I mean, what does paprika come from?

[B]

What does.

[C]

Human paprika virus.

[B]

It is made by drying and grinding the fruit pods of the capiscum annum plant.

[C]

Capsaicum.

[B]

Caps, C A P, S I. That would be weird if it's sasum, but maybe it is.

[C]

I don't know. Is it capsaicin? I don't know.

[B]

C A P, S I C U

[A]

M. Yeah, that's capsaicum.

[B]

I believe that is a crazy pronunciation of S I if it is sasum, but maybe it is capsisum.

[A]

Capsaicum. Like, you know, help us out, folks.

[B]

Which includes mild bell peppers and chili peppers native to the Americas. The peppers were brought to Europe in the 16th century and are now heavily featured in Spanish cuisine and Hungarian cooking. So you're welcome. Europe and Hungary.

[C]

There we go.

[B]

Ready? And Spanish cooking.

[A]

Capsicum. Good job.

[C]

Capsicum.

[B]

But it's crazy that there's a. It's. The plant has mild peppers and chili peppers on it. What a crazy plant.

[A]

It's pretty amazing.

[B]

That is. That is an incredible feature.

[A]

All right, Evan.

[C]

Okay, I got a top hit. I got a short one. This is a little short movie my wife and I watched last night from this animator called Don Hertzfeld, who, I don't know if you're familiar, he had some, like, Internet videos, like 20 years ago. It was all stick figures. And it was kind of like, you know, fucked up stick figures, like doing violent shit to each other. But. But underneath of it was like some kind of broader message. But he has matured over the. Over the years. Don Hertzfeld.

[A]

I think I saw this video. Are you thinking of like the old Break.com stick figure fight video. That was like the coolest video of all time.

[B]

Yeah. That was so gay.

[C]

I don't know if that's.

[A]

If that's this guy, but.

[C]

But this animator, you know, he does all the things by hand. He does it on his own. And he just came out with a movie called Paper Trail, which is like 14 minutes long. It's a short animation and it's pretty poignant because I don't want to spoil the film, but basically it like tracks the life of a human through what they write. So it starts as a kid with finger paints, and it's literally just the paper and then you see the imprint of like, the pen marks, but you don't see the hand or the thing. So it starts with like a kid doing finger painting and then like schoolwork and then progresses through their life and kind of poignant, actually. Like, it kind of. You know, I got a little teary eyed because it was kind of in. So if you have a chance, it's like Don Herzfeld, just look up Paper Trail. I think you can rent it on Vimeo for like four bucks. And it's worth a shot for 15 minutes. It's. It's a good little animation. That's. That's what I give my top hit.

[B]

And it's gonna. If it goes. If it spans someone's whole life, I know it is going to make me cry too.

[C]

Yeah, that's usually the case with these stories, but yeah.

[A]

Now let's close this episode out with a nice blind rank. And we're doing blind ranking best Nickelodeon shows from the 90s. I cannot wait the same.

[B]

And this is going to be hard. Yeah, this is going to be very hard.

[C]

Okay, you guys ready?

[A]

Yeah. I know. No matter what, the comment section here is going to be diabolical. Yeah, yeah, they're going to.

[C]

You missed this show. All right, number one, Rugrats.

[A]

Oh, shit. You know what's tough? Rugrats for me is like Toy Story of Pixar in that it's so good. Rugrats was awesome. But when I'm doing my personal, like, top list, it's never like Toy Story. I'm like, Toy Story is incredible. It started it all. But Toy Story is never at the top of my list on Pixar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think Rugrats gets a tough rep. But at the end of the day, there were other shows that I just liked way more. It was a show about babies and I didn't love that.

[B]

I think I did, but I actually, I haven't Seen it in so long. And that's the other thing, too. There was probably a time where it was my favorite, and then I got a little bit older, and it was

[A]

like, dude, you ever seen those memes? It's. Particularly for our generation. It's like, shows Rugrats, and it's like. It shows a picture of all the dads and moms.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, we used to watch this show, and those were old fucks, but now it's just us.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They're. Dude, they're younger than we are.

[C]

Yeah, they're like, in their early 30s.

[A]

They're, like 25.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, oh, my God, that's so true.

[C]

Have you seen the. The building where they used to animate it in Hollywood? It's like, still. It was called, like, Klasky Cuspo or something because it was named after some European guy. But there's a mural on the side of the wall with the Rugrats character.

[B]

Oh, no way.

[C]

That's animation. Used to happen. It's unlike Melrose or something.

[A]

I have seen that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was ready to go really high out the gate with that, but now I hear you again.

[A]

I mean, this is our list. It's not my list, but, like, I can think of a lot of Nickelodeon shows right now that I'm like, I preferred that show.

[B]

Damn. So five. No, no.

[A]

Because there's bad shows. Like, I think three is safe, but I would go four if we think heavy hitters are coming. But, yeah, I know Evan's brain, and I actually think he's gonna pick a couple that I'm like, I did not like.

[B]

So then two. No, no, three.

[A]

Okay, perfectly for us.

[B]

Last. Yeah. Three. Three. Three.

[A]

Rugrats. Three.

[C]

Doug.

[B]

Doug. Tremendous Doug. Maybe one.

[A]

This might be my one.

[C]

Dude.

[B]

Doug. Maybe one incredible. Quail man.

[A]

Quail man. The beats.

[B]

The beats.

[A]

Pork chop. Yep.

[B]

And Doug was.

[A]

Doug was.

[B]

Doug was me. Doug was you, Doug was all of us.

[C]

Can you guys still do the theme? I. I can do it if you.

[A]

I can sing a lot of the Beat songs, like Banging on a Trap.

[C]

Remember the. The main was. It's. Like a Hanson song.

[B]

Yeah, it does.

[A]

He plays the banjo there. Roger Klotz plays the guitar.

[B]

Patty Mayonnaise.

[A]

Patty Mayonnaise. Dad was in a wheelchair for no reason.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

That's diversity, man.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Inclusion. Yep. Awesome.

[C]

God, we. We're not even going to rank it. We're just going to talk about Doug the Whole time.

[A]

Doug. Doug is my personal two.

[B]

Oh, I wonder what your one is. You don't have to tell me yet. I want to go one.

[A]

Man, we're dead. We should have put Rugrats lower.

[B]

I know. Okay, Doug, we can go, too, but I'll probably be bad.

[A]

Okay. I am a big justice for Doug guy, so, like, we could do justice for Doug by putting it one right now. But I just. I can think of a show that I'm like, that is definitely my favorite.

[B]

I know.

[C]

I think Doug's kind of a fucking pussy, so.

[B]

He is a pussy, but so are we, so that was.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[C]

He wrote in a diary, which is nice, but I loved Roger. Roger had green skin. Roger was fake. Like, hey, funny.

[A]

You like the bully?

[B]

Yes, dude.

[A]

They had a couple cool episodes where they came together, though, and did some cool shit.

[C]

You remember the one where Doug got, like, really big shoes or something? Yeah.

[A]

They were, like, cool, too. It was like the cool new shoes.

[C]

Yeah, it was like basketball shoes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Doug two.

[B]

Doug two.

[C]

Rocco's Modern Life.

[A]

I'm quite happy with four or five here.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I actually liked Rocco, but Rocco bordered on Ren and Stimpy for me, where it was too gross at times.

[B]

Yep. I will go. I'll go four.

[A]

I would go five.

[B]

Me, too, but I'm wondering if something else. There's stuff even worse. Yeah, but I could go five.

[A]

I'd like to go five.

[B]

Five.

[A]

Rocco's Modern Life. Five.

[C]

Wow. That was the wrong answer.

[A]

Oh, fuck.

[C]

Just. Just for me personally. Okay. Ren and Stimpy.

[B]

4. 4 should be 5.

[A]

I would have swapped those two.

[B]

I can't believe you went both of those shows.

[A]

Like, the two shows that just, like, showed close up stink lines of boogers and poop. Why would you pick both of them?

[C]

Because Ren and Stimpy's the greatest fucking show. It was so subversive in Been fucked Up, and it was hilarious.

[A]

I was too much of a bitch. I just did not fucking like that show.

[B]

I will say that.

[C]

You were there sitting there loving Doug, and I'm sitting here going, that guy just picked a booger out of his butt.

[B]

Yep, there was. There were two. You either loved both of those shows or didn't like them. Like, that is a fact. Like, those either were your favorite Nickelodeon shows or you hated.

[A]

Well, I liked Rocko, but, like, Red and Stimpy would straight up come on, and I wouldn't watch, but I would watch Rocco the.

[B]

I don't think I watched Talking Bitches

[A]

Dude, Rocco was a bitch. He was such a pussy.

[C]

Was he a wallaby?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[B]

I don't think I watched either of them. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Do you want to know a fun fact? Yeah. The guy who does the voice of Rocco is Carlos Alizranki, who's the mustached gray haired guy from Reno911.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I did know that.

[C]

Actually, I worked with him once. He's fucking cool.

[A]

That's awesome.

[C]

Okay, so what are you putting that at? 4?

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna go for now our number one.

[C]

Your number one's hey Arnold.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One.

[B]

That is not my one. But that's a great show.

[A]

You don't like hey Arnold, you would have.

[C]

You would have wanted one to be Doug, right?

[B]

Yes, I would. Doug would be my one. But hey, Arnold is awesome.

[A]

I'm thrilled.

[B]

I thought you were gonna say rocket power.

[A]

No, listen, I liked rocket power. I Here's a dude. I actually saw photo yesterday of Uncle Tito and the caption under the photo was just, man, I would have loved to gas a few beers with this guy. And I was looking at Uncle Tito and I was like, holy fuck. Me too. Like, that dude is probably the best hang in the world. You have a charcoal grill outside with a couple of glass bottles of beer with Uncle Tito. I'm not sure there's anything better than that. And also, Raymundo was a homie. He had a wood paneled car. It was just a surf ledge.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do they ever get into in that show what happened to their mom? Did she just die?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Otto and Reggie's mom.

[B]

Look at, look at Raymundo and Tito, bro.

[A]

Raymundo is the man, but Tito is the boy.

[B]

That's awesome.

[C]

I tried to pick earlier 90s shows just because I feel like SpongeBob to me was like so late 90s.

[A]

It might as well be like SpongeBob is still going.

[C]

Exactly. So I didn't pick later. I picked the really early.

[A]

Like truly feeling you would leave out rocket power. Rocket power. I loved rocket power. But rocket power almost felt like they were trying to be too, too cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And hey, Arnold was just effortlessly cool.

[B]

Hey, Arnold was cool. It was just so New York.

[A]

It's not New York, actually. It's Washington state.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That can't be right. They go to sure Kiss.

[A]

Look it up. Do you think public schools only exist in.

[B]

That's the only place they. That's what they call it.

[C]

Well, it's probably written by a guy from New York who didn't know anything.

[A]

It's actually written by a guy from Washington. I believe he's from Seattle. Hey, Arnold was set in Washington state. That is gas.

[C]

You're right.

[B]

Washington. But it's literally New York. Like, they. They.

[A]

It's not. It's Seattle.

[B]

Well, it says it serves. The guy says it serves as a combo of his favorite cities. Seattle, Brooklyn. Brooklyn was one of them.

[A]

Sure. But, dude. Hey, Arnold, man. Grandma and Grandpa. Amazing. Gerald the Man.

[B]

Dude, our ranking of best friends in those shows would be cool.

[A]

That would be cool.

[B]

Skeeter, Gerald, Chucky.

[A]

Dude. I just think, like, hey, Arnold was that show. To have a cartoon make you be like, I want to be Arnold. I want Arnold's life. Like, you wanted to have his sick room with the skylight. You wanted to play baseball in that amazing, like, random lot.

[C]

You wanted your head to be shaped like a football.

[B]

I wanted to wear a kilt to school.

[A]

There was surprise carnival day. Dude.

[B]

Yeah, that also.

[A]

That's a common misconception. He wears a shirt over a button down shirt, and it's just a long tail. Is he Seth Cohen?

[B]

Yes, but someone needs to buy the correct size shirts.

[A]

He wears too long of a shirt. Hey, Arnold. Was gas good.

[C]

Are you happy with this list? So It's Hey, Arnold. 1, Doug, 2, Rugrats, 3, Ren and Stimpy, 4, Rocco's, Modern Life at 5

[B]

and Rocco's your favorite.

[C]

My favorite was Ren and Stimpy.

[A]

Ren and Stimpy.

[C]

I like Rocco because Rocco's actually Rocco's. Look, I'm the youngest of five, so everything I wanted was for older people. I grew up, up way young. So the grossness of Ren and Stimpy I thought was great because it was a little mature and some of the jokes were dirty. Yeah. And then, like, Rocco was actually kind of adult in some ways.

[B]

Oh, dude, definitely.

[C]

So there was some things about that

[B]

that I. I think that's why I didn't like either of them. I was a little child. Yeah. I was watching Rugrats.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, give me the babies.

[A]

Confirmed Evan was a gross kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I love it.

[C]

Gross out humor was my thing.

[B]

All right. I love it.

[A]

I love the episode that's gonna do it for us today. And this week, folks, have an amazing weekend again. Unbelievable. New merch out right now. Please go to emptyknutters Shop. Check out the awesome hoodies that we just dropped. We've got hats hitting the airwaves again, too, that I know a lot of you have been waiting for guys. Subscribe. Subscribe. Subscribe please to the YouTube. Spread it around. Also spread the IG around. Get people to follow to like all that stuff. It means the world to us. It helps us a lot. We love you guys. Have an amazing weekend again until we see you next week.

[B]

Skate hard.