Empty Netters Podcast – "Please Not Again Detroit and Are The Wolverine National Champs?!"

Podcast by Almost Friday Media
Episode Date: March 26, 2026

Episode Overview

In this high-energy episode, the Empty Netters crew—brothers Dan and Chris Powers, joined by Evan—bring their signature chemistry and banter to break down the chaotic NHL wild card races, react to major performances in hockey (from the NHL to college and women's tournaments), and share vivid tales from their latest hockey pilgrimage to Salt Lake City, Utah. Fans get round-by-round predictions for the upcoming NCAA Frozen Four, a loving roast and report on Utah and its unique culture, and the usual degenerate gambling picks and wild hockey stories. Expect sharp analysis, relentless chirping, and plenty of unfiltered laughs.

Table of Contents

1. NHL Wild Card Race Rundown — [02:00]
2. Biggest NHL Games & Player Highlights — [03:41]
3. Utah Mammoth Game Experience — [10:07]
4. Utah & Salt Lake City Review (Culture & Laws) — [57:19]
5. College Hockey Bracket Breakdown (Frozen Four) — [28:50]
6. Women's Hockey Shoutout: Wisconsin Wins Again — [28:50]
7. Betting Picks & The Professors Segment — [45:31]
8. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
9. Key Timestamps

1. NHL Wild Card Race Rundown [02:00]

• The crew dives right in with a detailed, game-by-game look at the latest results from the ever-chaotic NHL wild card race.
• Highlights a crucial Bruins–Maple Leafs game, speculates about "big brain" draft protection strategies, and feels the pain of Red Wings fans after another tough, playoff-jeopardizing loss.
• Montreal’s big win over Carolina is spotlighted as a classic “not their best game, still got it done” gritty win, echoing what Detroit can’t seem to manage.

"It's this time of year when you just need to somehow win a hockey game when you're not playing your best, which is what the Canadiens did. And it's what Detroit has just not been able to do for years now." — Christopher [04:37]

Quick Standings Check [06:39]

• Canadiens and Blue Jackets both majorly boost their playoff positions.
• Ottawa Senators, shockingly, now hold a playoff spot.
• Islanders and Red Wings slip out.

2. Biggest NHL Games & Player Highlights [03:41]

• Islander’s loss to the Blackhawks (despite outshooting them 47–24) is called out as a “tough loss in their race.”
• Columbus Blue Jackets beat the “red-hot” Flyers, putting them in 2nd place in their division’s wild card.
• Philip Forsberg and rookie Matthew Wood are celebrated for their rolling performances with the Predators, while Will Smith earns a shout-out for his goals, and the Jets, Kings, and Kraken all get scrutinized for their Pacific Division play (or lack thereof).

"The Pacific continues to be the biggest poopy poop battle that has ever pooped." — Dan Powers [08:48]

3. Utah Mammoth Game Experience [10:07]

• Massive section devoted to the Empty Netters' trip to Salt Lake City to watch the Utah Mammoth play.
• The crew details their stay at the Grand America Hotel, local bars (the Flanker gets heavy praise and a full review), and the wild pre-game scene.
• The Delta Center is depicted as “electric,” with a laser/ice show, free T-shirts, and the Mammoth entering through a giant iceberg prop.

"The way Salt Lake City has embraced the Mammoth and hockey culture—this is a hockey town. Sorry to the Jazz, but you have been overtaken." — Dan Powers [17:56]

• Mammoth’s mascot (Tusky) confronts the hosts about a previous mascot ranking, earning their respect with classic banter [19:01].
• Describes fan interactions, team hospitality, and the immense, sugar-fueled offerings inside the arena [22:00].
• Practically sells Salt Lake City as the next NHL destination—heaps praise on the team’s new practice facility, the fanbase, and the city’s general vibe.

"We are deciding that we're all taking Mormonism for a spin. Let's go for a week and we'll come back and report our findings." — Dan Powers [68:34]

4. Utah & Salt Lake City Review (Culture & Laws) [57:19]

• Lively discussion about Utah’s unique cultural, legal, and religious quirks:
  • Alcohol restrictions: can't buy on Sundays, measured shots (“half-shots”), no martinis over a certain size, “big soda” culture.
  • Mormonism’s prevalence and bizarre laws (e.g., banned from throwing snowballs in Provo, can't hunt whales or elephants).
  • Playful admiration for how pleasant the Mormon community is alongside roasting the oddities.
  • Exploration of "dirty soda" trend and local sweets obsession.
  • Running joke: trial stints of being Mormon to escape peer pressure to drink.

"Being Mormon is actually awesome when you don't feel like drinking... If you go, 'I'm Mormon,' they go, 'Dude, that's awesome. You want a lemonade?' And I go, 'Yes, please.'" — Christopher [67:42]

5. College Hockey Bracket Breakdown (Frozen Four) [28:50]

• After a deep-dive into the women’s game, Chris and Dan walk through every single upcoming NCAA men's tournament game, providing arguments and predictions for every first and second round matchup.
• Highlights:
  • Tricky upsets (Dartmouth over Wisconsin!), Denver and Michigan’s path, the “why not?” case for Cinderella teams.
  • Playful sibling rivalry with picks involving Michigan State.
  • Final prediction showdown: Chris picks North Dakota, Dan stays loyal to Michigan.

"This team is a fucking powerhouse. It’s time to take the years of choking, the years of shortcomings, and go fucking drop your nuts. Time to win." — Dan Powers [42:04]

6. Women's Hockey Shoutout: Wisconsin Wins Again [28:50]

• Full segment devoted to the Wisconsin Badgers women's hockey team, who secured their back-to-back national championship in a legendary rivalry with Ohio State.
• Praise heaped on star players like KK Harvey and Layla Edwards.
• Recognizes both the dominance and the challenge of living up to such a winning legacy.

"That is a very impressive feat... one of the greatest seasons you will ever see." — Dan Powers [31:46]

7. Betting Picks & "The Professors" Segment [45:31]

• The beloved “Professors” give their betting recaps (emphasis: do NOT follow their picks blindly).
  • Recent parlay: abysmal results; comical self-flagellation for missing so many.
  • New picks dropped for next weekend's NHL games (see [51:16] for full “Live on a Beach Saturday Mega Parlay”).
  • Life on the Line Parlay segment punctuated with rhyming sports poetry, innuendo, and degenerate banter.

"One could argue it's difficult to get that many wrong. It's just as hard to go 0 for 11 as it is to go 11 and 0... You're welcome." — Christopher [46:39]

8. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Detroit’s playoff agony:

"The Ides of March do apparently continue because the Red Wings lost to the Senators... and that ain't gonna get it done, folks." — Dan Powers [03:41]

On Canadian teams’ fortunes:

"Cole Caufield can’t stop scoring. I love it. He is 50. Dude, he’s going to win the Rocket.” — Dan Powers [05:47], Christopher [05:47]

On Salt Lake City and Utah Mammoth:

"This is about to be a Utah mammoth stroke off section. Get ready to soak because we're going for it." — Dan Powers [11:07]

On 'Dirty Sodas' and sugar culture:

"Dirty soda is just any soda... with pumps of syrup flavoring and then cream in there. Like a whipped cream flavor type thing." — Dan Powers [22:36]

On Mormon culture blending with nightlife:

"Being Mormon is actually awesome when you don’t feel like drinking... If you go, ‘I'm Mormon,’ no one cares if you don't party, they go, 'That’s awesome.'" — Christopher [67:42]

On predicting the NCAA Men’s Final:

"No Dak wins their ninth in school history. Ten years after the last one in 2016." — Christopher [42:02]

9. Key Timestamps

• [02:00] — NHL Wild Card Rundown
• [06:30] — Conference Standings Shakeup
• [10:07] — Utah Mammoth & SLC Trip
• [17:49] — Mammoth Game Atmosphere & Mascot Banter
• [22:36] — Dirty Sodas, Food, and Sugar Obsession
• [24:31] — Post-game Wine & SLC Food Culture
• [28:50] — Wisconsin Women’s NCAA Title
• [33:46] — Men’s College Bracket (frozen four) Predictions
• [42:04] — Michigan “Years of Choking” Speech
• [45:31] — The Professors: Betting Recap and New Picks
• [57:19] — Utah Law, Mormon Culture, Alcohol & Soda Laws
• [62:54] — “Big Soda” and Bar Pricing Rant
• [67:19] — Usefulness of “Trial Mormonism”
• [68:34] — All Hosts Commit to “A Week of Mormonism” for Fun

For New Listeners:

This episode offers everything from NHL playoff drama to a love letter to Salt Lake City, wild NCAA predictions, and deep-fried, sugar-dusted takes on Utah’s quirkiness. If you want to keep up with hockey culture as told by two brotherly degenerates (and friends), with plenty of chirps and insider chaos, this is a must-listen (or read) episode.

Remember: "Skate hard."