Podcast
Enneagram and Marriage
Hosted by Christa Hardin, MA · EN
The Enneagram and Marriage Podcast, hosted by Christa Hardin, MA, is rooted in two decades of experience counseling and coaching couples. On top of her expert marriage advice, Christa uses the Enneagram to add another layer of understanding in how we work as individuals and gives us deeper insight into how we connect and shine together in marriage and relationships across the collective community.
53episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Initiation: Who Reaches, Who Pulls Back, and Why
2w ago00:21:33Tap to summarizeAlmost every couple navigates it, and almost nobody talks about it openly: the vulnerable dance of initiation. Who reaches for whom, who tends to pull back, and the quiet hurt that builds around it over the years. In this tender and practical episode, Christa brings one of the most unspoken dynamics in marriage into the light. She explains why the lower-initiating partner is so often not less interested but more wounded, how the pursuer-distancer cycle plays out painfully around physical intimacy, and why it is almost never about frequency but about the meaning each reach and pull-back has come to carry. She shows how your Enneagram type and especially your instincts shape who reaches and who waits, why a self-preservation-led spouse may need to feel settled before desire comes online, and why a sexual-instinct-led spouse may feel the lack more acutely. Then she offers a clear, gentle path to change the dance: naming the pattern without blame, separating a no to this moment from a no to you, and making reaching feel safe again for both people. If initiation has become a sore place in your marriage, this episode will help you understand that you are not broken, your spouse is not broken, and the pattern can change. Plus, the Awakening Intimacy course is open and on sale now, one hundred dollars off, with this tender work woven right in. Watch on YouTube! Show notes: Sign up for the Awakening Intimacy Intensive 5 week courses now (Awakening Connection or Awakening Joy) now!! OPEN for Registration! The E + M Summer Intensives, Awakening Connection (Track 1) and Awakening Adventure (Track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Click here! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →Lighting (Safe but Sexy) Fireworks in Your Marriage
2w ago00:22:02Tap to summarizeToday we open the July series on sexual intimacy, and there's no better week for lighting the (safe but sexy) fireworks. Not the ones in the sky, the ones in your marriage. Christa dismantles the myth that real passion just strikes like lightning and reveals what the thriving couples actually know: fireworks are built, not stumbled upon, and synthesizes her decades of experience of working with couples to the often-misunderstood Enneagram sexual instinct, reminding listeners that the sexual instinct involves not only the foundational intimacy that we covered in June, but also novelty, intensity, and creative aliveness, not just one-to-one bonding. You'll learn why that matters for your spark, helping you to dissolve years of, sadness, shame and confusion around this area. Warm, honest, faith-friendly, and genuinely freeing, this episode is for you! Watch on YouTube! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! OPEN for Registration! The E + M Summer Intensives, Awakening Connection (Track 1) and Awakening Adventure (Track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Click here! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →The Foundation Before the (Sexual) Fireworks
3w ago00:22:55Tap to summarizeThis is the turning point of the Summer of Intimacy, the bridge from everything we have built in June into the sexual intimacy series beginning in July. But this episode names something deeper that has been happening all along. All month, Christa has not been teaching you to try harder at your marriage, she has been guiding you toward second-order change, a concept from family systems work that means transforming the actual rules and patterns of your relationship rather than just doing more of the same. In this episode she unpacks the difference between first-order change, pressing the gas in a car stuck in the mud, and second-order change, getting out of the mud entirely, and shows how learning to bear witness, build love maps, and put safety before closeness are not just techniques, they were a rewiring of the whole system. Then we land in the research on desire, why for healthy people, desire is responsive and flows out of emotional connection rather than appearing on its own. This is the groundwork we lay before the fireworks. Watch on YouTube! Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Show notes: Sign up for the Awakening Intimacy Intensive 5 week courses now (Awakening Connection or Awakening Joy) now!! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! OPEN for Registration! The E + M Summer Intensives, Awakening Connection (Track 1) and Awakening Adventure (Track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Click here! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →Two Essential Paths to Intimacy: Joy and Connection
3w ago00:20:34Tap to summarizeIn this crowning summer episode every listener needs to lean in for, Christa unpacks the two paths back to each other: connection, the path of being deeply known, grounded in John Gottman's research on love maps and turning toward bids, and joy, the path of shared aliveness, grounded in Arthur Aron's self-expansion studies on novelty and lasting passion. You will learn why you and your spouse may reach in different directions, why that mismatch causes so much hurt, and why the thriving couples learn to walk through both doors. Christa closes with a simple reflection to help you name which path your marriage is hungry for this season you don't want to miss. Plus, the Awakening Intimacy course is open and on sale right now with two tracks built around exactly this. Watch on YouTube! Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Show notes: Sign up for the Awakening Intimacy Intensive 5 week courses now (Awakening Connection or Awakening Joy) now!! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! OPEN for Registration! The E + M Summer Intensives, Awakening Connection (Track 1) and Awakening Adventure (Track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Click here! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →25 Years In: What I've Learned About Intimacy
4w ago00:24:45Tap to summarizeToday Christa talks through 25 years of marriage to Wes - and instead of a typical teaching episode, we're reflecting on the story arc of marriages that thrive. Christa shares a lessonn about her own parents and their 25th, that didn't go the way she expected, what her dad unwittingly taught her about really seeing the person you love, and what 25 years has shown her about intimacy. She also shares a few practical tips through the lens of the three desires - SP, SO, SX - and the story behind The Three Desires book cover (releasing Feb 2, 2027), featuring the breathtaking Antelope Canyon. If you're newlywed, in the trenches, or approaching your own milestone anniversary with thoughtfulness and a desire to genuinely grow in character, this one is dedicated to you. Show notes: Sign up for the Awakening Intimacy Intensive 5 week courses now (Awakening Connection or Awakening Joy) now!! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! OPEN for Registration! The E + M Summer Intensives, Awakening Connection (Track 1) and Awakening Adventure (Track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Click here! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →Subscriber Series: The Container Method - Emotional Safety for Every Type in Marriage (Free to All This Week!)
Jun 1700:19:46Tap to summarizeThis week's deep dive is FREE for everyone, and we mean everyone. Whether you're a longtime Collective member or brand new here, this one's a gift. We're going deeper into emotional processing containers, but this time we're breaking it down by Enneagram type. We cover every type in marriage: what backfires for each, what container works best, and how to create emotional safety with your specific spouse in your specific dynamic. This is the most practical, type-by-type episode we've done in the Summer of Intimacy series - and we wanted every listener to have access to it. No subscription required this week, it's a topic everyone desperately needs. Show notes: Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →What to Do When Sharing Backfires: Emotional Processing Containers
Jun 1700:16:29Tap to summarizeWhen you finally open up and say the vulnerable thing that needed to be said and shared, what next? Often, your spouse gets defensive, shuts down, or fires back, and now you're less likely to ever share again. This is one of the most common and heartbreaking cycles in marriage: vulnerability that backfires actually creates MORE hiding, not less. In this episode of the Summer of Intimacy series, Christa introduces the concept of emotional processing containers - structures that protect vulnerability so that sharing actually leads to connection instead of more hurt, so you can create a marriage where both of you feel safe enough to keep showing up and delighting in your live and shared light. For every Enneagram type, in every season of marriage, this episode will give you practical tools to make vulnerability work, even after a hard start. Listen here to this hope-filled message! Watch on YouTube! Show notes: Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →Hiding in Your Marriage: What It's Quietly Costing Your Connection
Jun 1500:23:30Tap to summarizeDo you tell your spouse every sip of coffee, every flirt at the grocery store, every small moment of frustration? Probably not, and that is not automatically a problem. But there is a real difference between healthy discretion and quiet hiding, and when we do the latter, it costs us more than we realize. This week we are opening up the question of what we share, what we keep to ourselves, and why. We will look at what faith and the research says about secrets and disclosure in marriage, and how our Enneagram centers shape our own particular flavor of hiding. Grab your coffee and settle in, this one gets personal but also has some lovely and light moments so you can connect with safety and fun, too! Watch on YouTube! Show notes: Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →The Tiny Moments That Make or Break Your Marriage: Emotional Bids
Jun 1000:22:40Tap to summarizeWhat if the thing that determines whether your marriage thrives or slowly fades isn't the big fights or the grand gestures, but the hundred tiny moments in between? In this episode, Christa unpacks one of Gottman's most important and least-talked-about discoveries: emotional bids. Every day your spouse is making small, quiet requests for connection, and you're either turning toward them, away from them, or against them without even realizing it. Learn what bids actually look like (they almost never announce themselves), why partners with the same love language can still miss each other constantly, and the one shift that changes the entire relational climate in your home. This episode is part of the Summer of Intimacy series. Show notes: Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →How to Stop Assuming the Worst About Your Spouse: Positive Sentiment Override
Jun 800:20:14Tap to summarizeWhat if the distance you feel in your marriage isn't about love at all, but about a bank account that has quietly run low? In episode three of the Summer of Intimacy series, Christa dives into one of Gottman's most powerful research findings, positive sentiment override, and the hidden force that erodes it faster than almost anything else: mental load. If you have been quicker to snap, quicker to assume the worst, or quicker to feel alone even when your spouse is right there, this episode will give you the language for what is actually happening and a way back toward each other. Plus, Christa shares how she and Wes put last week's love maps questions into practice on a real date this week, and how you can do the same. The Awakening Intimacy waitlist is now open, link in show notes. Show notes: Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive! Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here! Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too here! Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcribe →