← Equipped for Life Podcast
Equipped for Life Podcast
#109: Creative Pro-Life Apologetics: Reaching Out Without Burning Out
00:34:44
Loading summary
Transcript34 lines
- [00:00]
A
Welcome back to the Equip for Life podcast. Emily and Rebecca here again. And we are continuing our conversation from last time about outreach. So in our last episode, we talked specifically about unexpected ways to do outreach. Like, what is outreach? What are the goals and ways to do it in majority pro life spaces that help mobilize pro lifers and move the cause forward? I think just like, one little interaction at a time. Just little ideas, strategies to help you get started with the least intense kinds of outreach. If you've never tried before, maybe you do regular outreach, but you're looking to get into new space or, like, shake up your routine. So today I want to move us on to our next category. We're going to get a little bit more intense. So if you didn't listen to that last episode, go listen to that one first, because today is going to be like a speed round. Okay. We're going to move faster through these ideas than we did in the last episode. The more intense ones, I think, A, need less explanation, and B, there's like, a lot more. Just slight variations on the same thing. So what I want to do is I want to run through a whole bunch of ideas and then you can react to all of them at once. Be like, oh, this one stuck out to me. I really like this. Or I really liked that one. So next level of intensity. Intensity is you go to a space where there are a lot of pro choice people. Like a college campus or like a church where there are more pro choice people. Or county fair is another great example. Or a farmer's market. A lot of my adult groups do county fairs and farmers markets.
- [01:17]
B
I never thought of a farmer's market. That's super cool. It's like, where can you set up a table? That's not like a college campus. That's one barrier to outreach. Now that I'm not at a college campus. It is farmer's market.
- [01:26]
A
Exactly. Farmers market, county fair, state fair, all that stuff. But farmers markets, like, happen regularly or just a town festival. If your town has a festival in the summer, great spot for it. Anyways, you go to a space that has a lot of pro choice people, but you're setting up something where they elect to talk to you. Like, you're not, like, going out and trying to get people to talk to you. They are electing to talk to you. Yo, you still should invite them in some way. You can call out from the table, be like, hey, would you do me a favor and take our poll? But they're still clearly choosing. They very much have freedom to walk by you. That's the level of outreach we often talk about at eri. So I would say that our two most common types of doing outreach fall under that category. The should abortion remain legal Table Sorrel we often call it in our materials. So you got your question on the table. Should abortion remain legal? You have your yes sign hanging down, your no sign hanging down your it depends slash I'm not sure sign in the middle. Very common. You have people vote, you get in conversation with them. A lot of our clubs really love when do human rights begin? So variation on that. You put up some sort of timeline that shows all the stages of development and I tell them go all the way up to two years old. A I want protest people to know that there are real people out there that argue that it's okay to kill up to two years old. But also I want to make it seem less like this is about abortion and more like this is about child development. And when at any point in this does a human rights begin. And so you've got that whole timeline. You can do cool things like put facts about what happens developmentally at each of those stages. I have some clubs that will put down different states in the US and different countries that have cutoffs at different places. So like have a list of like oh at this place, this is all of the places that cut off here you can't have an abortion after this place. And at this place they've got, you know the cutoff is here. So anyways you could do any of that. You have people mark with like a little one of those little post it note stickery things when they think human rights begin and they get in conversation with you. We've also got the should third trimester abortion be accessible? That one's been really popular. Specific to talking about those later abortions you need to be prepared to talk about the fact that they do in fact happen and they do happen for non emergency reasons. So you're going to get a lot of that kind of thing. But it can be a great way to get pro choice people to disagree with each other which is really fun when you're in a conversation and it's not you versus the pro choice people. It's like me and this pro choice person and this pro choice person in a three way conversation and none of us agree with each other and we get to like all go back and forth because the two pro choice people aren't even on the same page about should third trimester abortion be accessible? So I Love that. Same thing with this next question. Should abortion be rare? I really enjoy that question in this kind of space because it can get pro choice people disagreeing with each other a little bit. We've got. This is a fascinating one. I did this one once on my own college campus. Do pro lifers annoy you?
- [03:58]
B
Nice.
- [03:59]
A
I have many things I could say about that, but really interesting things can come out of that and it can be a very fun way to just surprise your pro choice audience that's maybe used to you doing issued abortion, remain legal table. You got to be prepared for, you know, different kinds of conversations that might happen there. But just like kind of surprising people. It can be funny. They can be like, because they're not expecting it, their guard is a little bit down when they come up. So that's an interesting one. Another one is doing some sort of factual display with a how does this make you feel? Question or free speech board. So I had a club do this really recently with a bunch of information about down syndrome. You know, a lot of pro life people are aware and are very passionate about the fact that there is so much deliberate elimination of children with down syndrome because of testing. And we'll talk about the facts in Iceland and how there's only one to two children that are born with down syndrome every year in the entire country because of how quote unquote, effective they are at eliminating down syndrome through prenatal screening and abortion. So doing some sort of factual display about that or about some other topic within the pro life space and then having people react to that in some way, like read a statistic or maybe even guess a statistic. I think actually this particular club, what they did is they had people guess what percentage of babies with down syndrome are aborted in the US and people would guess there was like a lift the flap with the actual answer. And then when you had the actual answer, they invited people to respond with like, how does that make you feel when you find out the actual number? My last idea for this particular space, I have one group that's had a lot of success with this is they offer either free food or a free drink in exchange for a conversation. So this particular group is an adult group in Iowa and they go to their county fair every single year and they set up this big booth at their county fair and they it's like a big sign, like, come talk to us and get a free bubbler. Specifically. Apparently in Iowa, people are really into bubblers. Going to be honest, I didn't even know what a Bubbler? Yeah, I didn't know what a bubbler was either. I have told this story to some of our other affiliate groups to get them to try it. And the universal reaction is, what is a bubbler? And I was like, it's a drink. Yes, it is a drink. I have seen it in my local grocery store. Now, now that I know it exists, I've, like, been in the drink home, been like, oh, that's a bubbler. Never had one. No idea if they're good. Maybe you tell us in the comments, people that have had a bubbler. Is this an Iowa thing? Like that? Clearly they sell them Minnesota because they're here. Is this a Midwest thing? Has anyone outside of the Midwest ever had one? These are all the questions I want to know in the comments. But anyways, they offer people a bubbler in exchange for having a conversation with them. They have, like, cocktail tables set up in their little area, like several cocktail tables that they're standing around out and they've got drinks and they're chatting with people. You can also do this with waffles. I've had college clubs do this where they, like, have, like a waffle bar on a table and the waffles are made to order. So here's the thing. The waffles are not sitting out. You come up, you say you'd like a waffle, and guess what? Now you're a captive audience. You have to talk to me for the next four minutes while I make your waffle. And so we start talking about, what do you think about abortion and blah, di, blah, blah. And by the time they get their waffle in four minutes, they're now enjoying this conversation and they really like me because I trapped them and they had to wait while I made their waffle. So I've had groups have a lot of success with that. I've also had that particular group do it before with you get a free drink, usually a bubbler in their case, in exchange for watching a particular video. So maybe they have a video of abortion procedures or they have an argument video. They have the equal rights argument video. This works particularly well in that kind of county fair setting. You've got a video that people need to watch. They get the free bubbler, and then there's people available to talk to them about it afterwards. And in my experience talking with them, everyone stayed to talk about it afterwards because they're also, like, standing there and maybe be a little bit weird if they left the cocktail table because they had, like, individual iPads on every cocktail table. Showing the video and there was like a pro life person right there with you, giving you your bubbler and so them inviting you to talk. It felt a little weird if you didn't. So I just, like, brain dumped 75 ideas that you could do. I want to know, Rebecca, what one stood out to you? Some of those I know you've heard before, unlike my first category. What stood out to you?
- [07:47]
B
Honestly, I think it depends. I can think of all of these different ideas and think about different things that are, like, easier to start with and harder to start with depending on your particular situation. So I think I would say, like, take whichever one of those sounds the easiest to you. Like, if you heard one of those and thought, oh, the like, should abortion remain legal? That's a sign I can draw with zero artistic skills. It's just right writing Sharpie print. But like a when does human life begin? Sign that I'm trying to, like, do research for or, like, find pictures for and attach to a larger poster board. That's a barrier. So maybe I'll start with should abortion remain legal? Or maybe you're the kind of person who is comfortable in a philosophy kind of conversations where you're kind of trading arguments back and forth, but less comfortable, like, trying to make small talk or start with people relationally. So maybe you want to start with should abortion remain legal? Instead of a waffle kind of setup where you're trying to, like, guide the conversation a particular direction and that doesn't feel super comfortable. Or maybe you're exactly the opposite. Maybe it's way more comfortable to, like, say, why do pro lifers annoy you and just, like, relate to people and talk with people, then to, like, have a more structured conversation where you're trying to, like, trade arguments back and forth. So I think the type of person that you are, the type of skills that you have, the things that feel more or less comfortable to you about outreach, are going to determine which of these is easiest for you. So I would say pick whatever has the lowest barrier to entry for you, because I think all of these could be really, really awesome. And which one feels most comfortable to you is dependent on you. And then my other thought is, I think it's important whichever one you do, be able to articulate why you're doing this, because people will ask that, and maybe that's just something you want to volunteer up front. Like, when I do a should abortion remain legal Table, I will, like, ask people to vote with their thoughts, and then I will say pretty much the same thing every Time I'll say something like, yeah, we're just out here trying to have better dialogues about abortion because I think often people really suck at talking about controversial things. Well, so would you be willing to, like, share more of your thoughts or like, why you voted that way? And so I'll start a conversation that way. So sometimes I'll just volunteer it. But I think it is helpful to think about why am I doing this? And the answer is probably not. I want to make a bunch of pro choice people into pro life people today. One, because if that's your goal, you're going to be sorely disappointed. I have seen pro choice people change their minds and become pro life in front of me. It's really awesome when it happens. Yeah, it doesn't happen very often, and that does not mean that your outreach was not successful. And also, I think it's a better goal actually to be out there to love people or to have better conversations. Because it's not like I'm trying to, like, have this conversation in order to get you to have a particular result, like I'm trying to manipulate you or control you or something that might feel like manipulation or control to you or just like aiming at a result over there. I think the goal in doing any of these forms of tabling could be to have better conversations, to make the thing that feels awkward to talk about and feels like we can't relate over more able to be talked about. That's one of my favorite things about the why do pro lifers annoy you or do pro lifers annoy you?
- [10:22]
A
Question.
- [10:22]
B
I love that so much because there are things that are awkward to talk about and so we don't talk about them. And then they're barriers relationally and to having the kind of conversations that can change people's minds and to just. Just like, acknowledge, yeah, prolifers can be annoying. Puts it on the table, makes things way less awkward and way more comfortable. I love that so much. So I think pick whichever of those tabling ideas sounds easiest to you. We want you doing something if that's your goal. And so pick whatever sounds easiest and then be able to articulate why you're doing it. That's one thing that's worth practicing a little bit or thinking through how you might answer that question.
- [10:55]
A
Yeah, the very last category that I'm going to spend like two seconds on because I don't think that this is relevant to most people, but it's helpful for just think for people's brains to, like, see the spectrum. And if You're a person that's already really, really comfortable with that second middle category of outreach. Maybe you want to give one of these things a try. But I think the most intense form of outreach that exists is the kind of outreach where you are directly approaching people and they don't know why they are not electing to walk up to this table and they can see a question and they're like, oh, we're going to be talking about this issue. So really I think there's two versions of this. There's door knocking, which is like walking up to someone's door, knocking on it and asking them a question. Usually it's in the form of some sort of survey you're trying to do and you're trying to get in a conversation with them or whatever. But they did not elect to walk to you. They just opened the door and now you're there. And that's can be a lot more uncomfortable for them specifically and they might react more strongly.
- [11:45]
B
And also things that are uncomfortable and awkward for the person you're talking to probably feel some measure of uncomfortable for you, probably.
- [11:50]
A
And I'm not saying door knocking is a bad thing. I think door knocking is amazing, can have really good results. But you need to be really, I think, experienced at the second category of doing outreach in order to probably feel comfortable doing that last category. I don't recommend that being your first experience doing outreach because you just want to be in a better space, being comfortable with it, being comfortable with the arguments, having had experience with different kinds of pro choice people before you go attempt that. I think the other version of that is the out in a park with a clipboard type of outreach or down in a downtown area with a clipboard. Anytime that the reason I am approaching you isn't obvious because there's not a giant sign already here or a table with a sign on it where you can see what we're going to be talking about and you can kind of elect. If I am just walking through a park with a clipboard and I am approaching random people and saying, hey, could you talk to me about your thoughts about abortion? Or do you think that abortion should be legal? Would you take the survey? Inherently, a similar reaction to the door knocking can happen where they're not expecting this. They didn't choose this conversation to happen. So I think it's the most intense form of outreach because it can be the most difficult, the most emotionally draining A to have to be that extroverted and go directly confront a ton of people. But B, they can also have a stronger reaction to it than they would if they elected to walk up to your table at the farmer's market, for example.
- [13:00]
B
Yeah, I think my initial reaction is, I think there might be a pretty significant difference between, like, how a clipboard feels and how door knocking feels. Because I have been at a park where it wasn't feasible to set up tables and so did this with Ordle, which is awesome. High school students, and they were walking around with clipboards that said, should abortion remain legal? And they did it just like they would if they had with a table. Emily knows this, but asking, would you be willing to do me a favor and take our poll really quick? And then people would vote with stickers on the clipboard. The last time I was there, it was raining. So like, like flip the clipboards upside down and it was clear so you could see the sheet through it and vote on top with a sticker and the sheet didn't get wet. Smart.
- [13:34]
A
I like that.
- [13:35]
B
Also, big shout out to Oregon high schoolers who tabled in the rain for the very first time. Their first time tabling was in the rain, and they did awesome. It was amazing. Anyway, asking, like, would you be willing to do me a favor and take our poll really quick and then letting people walk right on by if they don't, I think can be an option. Like, if your best spot to table is in a public park where it would be weird or just not feasible or maybe even, like, there are regulations against it to set up a table. I think it's much less intimidating to, like, use a clipboard where people can, like, take your poll or not. And you're asking, would you be willing to do me a favor and take our poll? Instead of asking, what do you think about abortion? Or something like that can be maybe harder than sitting at a table. Certainly harder than sitting at a table where you're not calling out to people. That might be easier for an introvert than having a clipboard and asking the question. But I think having the clipboard, particularly in spaces where a table is not feasible, might not be all that much higher of a barrier depending on your particular proclivities. Whereas something like door knocking, where you're like standing on the person's porch and they don't have a choice about whether to interact with you or not if they answer the door, at least to some degree, can be a little bit easier.
- [14:34]
A
I think that's a good point. I think both of them are still more intense than the traditional table method because it's still not quite as obvious what this person is saying yes or no to. They're not seeing the question, not seeing the point. There's just like a person who's approaching them and walking towards them in some way, which can be inherently a little bit physically intimidating. But I think you're right that it's still lower than door knocking. So maybe there's really two categories above that of the park clipboard, which is very doable. We've had people do it for their first outreach. Outreach, and it is doable, but I do think it's inherently a little bit scarier than doing something where you've got a table, you've got a sign, there's a little bit even more of an electing to come over and talk to you than there would be there.
- [15:10]
B
Yeah, that's.
- [15:10]
A
And door knocking is definitely the most intense version, I think. So when we think about all these different kinds of outreach, whether you're doing the least intense version and you're going and you're really trying to help people in a pro life space be more passionate about this and be more educated about this, or you're doing the most intense version and you're knocking on people's doors and trying to get them to talk to you. I think, regardless, it can be hard to do average. Like, there are things about it that are hard. And so I want to make sure that we now kind of get back to that pin that we used to put in that earlier of, like, what makes this hard and how can we really acknowledge that and work through those hard parts?
- [15:46]
B
One helpful thing to realize is I think this is hard for pretty much everybody. There might be some crazy, crazy, extrovert philosophy nerd. Those two things don't often go together.
- [15:54]
A
Can extrovert philosophy. Yeah.
- [15:57]
B
I think. Think typically there are parts of tabling that are hard for everybody, and there are parts of tabling that are hard no matter how many times that you have done it. So there are parts of tabling that are hard for me every single time. And I imagine there are parts of tabling that are hard for you, Emily, every single time. So don't feel like the fact that this feels hard means I'm not good at it or the fact that this feels hard means I shouldn't do it. This is hard, and there are parts of it that are hard for different people for different reasons, but it makes sense that it feels hard, and that doesn't mean you're bad at it or shouldn't do it.
- [16:25]
A
Yeah, maybe it would be helpful if we Both shared a little bit about what the hardest parts are for us, and then we can kind of break down. Yeah, I think they are, like, how we take care of ourselves in that. I'll go first. Let's just stick with what's hard first. I would say the hardest part of outreach for me is getting myself there. Me, like, when I wake up in the morning and I'm like, I have to do outreach today, My reaction is not, oh, my gosh, I'm so excited to do outreach today. Like, I don't think I've ever actually had that thought of, like, waking up in the morning. I get to do outreach today. This is gonna be great. I'm so excited. My. My gut very first thing when I wake up in the morning is I have to do outreach today, and I'm getting ready, and I'm thinking about the fact that I'm going to go do outreach today. Once I'm there and I'm in the zone, for me, it's a lot like, how my body reacts to singing. Here is just, like, a side thing about Emily. Emily was a voice major in college. I was a vocal music education major, and I was almost a piano performance major because I also had played piano, and I played competition piano all through high school. And I was trying to decide which one to do was do I wanted to be a piano performance major or do I want to do piano pedagogy, like, something in that category, or do I want to be a voice major? And the thing that made the difference for me is when I was coming up to the performance of either of those instruments, like, I knew I was going to have to perform in front of people, I would be crazy nervous. That's normal. I think every performer, like, experiences that when I played the piano in front of people, like, I am sitting down in the piano, I am actively playing it. I was still really nervous and was, like, struggling to think about the fact that there were people watching me play the piano right now, and what if I played a wrong note? And what would happen when I sing in front of people? The second I start singing, I not only, like, don't feel nervous anymore, but I am enjoying the act of singing. I am standing there being like, oh, my gosh, I get to give this song to these people, and I'm making eye contact with my audience, and I get to play this character in front of them, and I. Whatever. I feel similarly with theater. The second I'm there and I'm doing it, I'm really enjoying what's Happening and interacting with my audience and all that stuff. And I didn't get that feeling playing piano. That's similar to how I feel doing outreach. I am dreading it. Gonna be honest every second. Like that whole day, like leading up to it, I get there, I'm setting up the stuff and I'm like, oh,
- [18:32]
B
I don't want to do this.
- [18:33]
A
And then the very first pro choice person comes up to me and I start talking to them and it's like I'm singing. It's like I'm enjoying meeting this person and getting to love this person and getting to make some intelligent and loving say things with them. Like, I really find that that is when the switch flips for me and this becomes a positive experience. And so we'll come back and talk about how I like care for myself that whole morning leading up to outreach. But that's what's hard for me about it. What about you?
- [19:00]
B
Yeah, I have a little bit of that. It got better as I like built up more positive experiences having outreach. But like, I enjoy doing outreach. The lead up to outreach. I do absolutely feel nervous. I think the hardest parts of me, for me, while I'm actually, There are probably two things. One, the like, like first 10 seconds of a conversation. The like calling out to people asking, would you be willing to do me a favor and take our poll really quick? And then as they're taking the poll, starting to say the yeah, we're just out here trying to have better dialogues about abortion because I think often people really suck at talking about controversial things. Well, so would you willing to do me a favor, share more of your thoughts or like, why you voted the way you did? And like, there's a reason I have memorized those lines because they are hard for me. And it's just. It feels like a completely different skill set and a completely different like kind of thing than the entire rest of the conversation. Because once we're in a conversation, we're trading arguments back and forth, which is my philosophy brain and. Or like I'm talking about common ground or extending care to them around things that they have shared. And like, that also feels really natural for me. It's the like extroverty, really precise. Like, how do I get you into a conversation with me? And I'm also an enneagram one which means my brain, like way overruns on like, is this manipulative? Am I doing something wrong here by like choosing specific words? Like, if you ask, would you be willing to do me a favor and take our Poll people are a lot more likely to. Than if you just ask, would you take our poll? People like doing favors for other people. And so, like, my brain, because I'm weird, has to go through all of the like, okay, this isn't actually manipulative. Can I articulate to myself why it's not manipulative to say, would you be willing to do me a favor? When I know that people are more likely to do me a favor than if I don't say, would you do me a favor? And so it's extroverted, which makes it feel a little more uncomfortable for me. And it's also like trying to articulate things in a precise way that make people more likely to not try to, like, force them to or anything like that, but just make an invitation that people are likely to want to accept. And also on the flip side of that, like, when people walk away or when they don't want to take the poll, I tend to feel like, did I do something wrong? Because they don't want to talk to me? And so had to, like, go through that of like, oh, the goal here is not to get every person to talk to me. I can invite and people can move on with their lives. And maybe they just have class or maybe they have a story about disagreement that they've experienced or about abortion or something related to abortion that makes them not want to talk to me. And like, that's a them thing, that's not a me thing. And maybe there is something about my approach that I can get better about or more effective about. And that doesn't mean anything about me either. So, like, the first 10 seconds of the conversation where we're not already in an established conversation where things feel comfortable and it feels like I know where to go from here or where there's somebody who's already kind of agreed to enter into this conversation with me. But the like dance of like, do I start a conversation or not. This is also hard for me in other settings, like hanging around with people after church on Sunday once I'm in a conversation one on one, that's a lot more comfortable than like, church descended. I have a bunch of friends here and some people I don't know as well here. How do I end up in a conversation? Do. Do I. Yeah, the, like, getting into conversation is hard for me in other settings. And also tabling. And then the other thing, I don't have personal story with abortion specifically, but I do have personal stories with other topics related to abortion that can come up in abortion conversations. And sometimes it can be hard for me when those topics come up, particularly if the person bringing them up is angry. And so it doesn't feel like a safe space for me to feel the things that are coming up for me. And I have had to learn. I guess we can get into, like, how to care for ourselves around that.
- [22:07]
A
Yeah, I think we should just go straight there. Rebecca, you start. How do you care for yourself? Well, well, in those situations, yeah, I
- [22:14]
B
think a lot of it, for me at least, the initial barrier is it actually really is very important to care for myself well and like convincing myself of that. This thing that's coming up in my body and because of my story is valid and deserves care. And one thing about traumatic stories is one thing they tend to teach you is that you don't deserve care. And so doing that processing is helpful. And then practically, what does that look like? That can look like ending a conversation anytime. At the very least, giving yourself permission to end a conversation anytime, even if you choose, I actually am okay, I can keep going with this conversation. To choose that freely feels very different from I have to keep going with this conversation because this is so important or because I don't deserve care. This is true across the board. Regardless of why tabling is hard for you, you will be a much, much more effective tabler, both in terms of accomplishing whatever your goals are to help people get to a point where they're more open to the pro life view, and also just in terms of loving people. Well, if you tend to yourself first, you cannot give people water out of an empty well if you are not well are triggered. If you are exhausted, if you are thirsty, if you are hungry, if you are overheating, you are not going to be able to table as effectively. You are not going to be able to be as present with people and love people as well as if you tend to yourself first. So please do not table for five hours without a break. Please do not have a conversation that's hard for you for whatever reason, whether it's because somebody's mad at you or because something in your own story comes up or whatever, and then go right into another conversation. Take a break. Break. There are some practical things that make that more possible. If at all possible. Have at least two people with you, particularly at some of the more intense forms of tabling, so that you can, like, step away from the table, maybe stay within eyesight so that there's somebody else there, but just you don't have to go into the next conversation and you don't feel like there's pressure to go into the next conversation. I think one other thing that can be really helpful to have available is an empathetic witness. A quote, I'm not going to remember who said it, but trauma is not what happened. Trauma is, is what happens in our body in response to what happened in the absence of an empathetic witness. And that applies to really, really severe forms of trauma. That also just applies to an uncomfortable conversation that's not like capital T trauma, but is disruptive to your body and your nervous system and your emotions. It's really, really helpful to be able to talk about it with somebody who cares about you. Maybe that means the person you're tabling with just saying, whew, that was a really hard conversation. And having them say, oh, man, I'm sorry, do you want to talk about that now or talk about that later? And maybe you just say, I think I can talk about that later. I just need to, like, take a deep breath. Breath and like, have you hear that said out loud. But having an empathetic witness, whatever that looks like, maybe that's a friend that you can text and just say, whew, I just had a really hard conversation. Can we talk about that later? But having planned in advance, like, how can I get access to somebody who cares about me and can hear about something that was hard. Having a way to take a break. So if you are tabling by yourself, have a plan in place, have thought about it in advance. How do I, like, step away for a second if I need to. Maybe that looks like putting the sign on your table down so that people can't see it and they're not like drawn over toward your table and just taking a second to breathe. A third thing is just, just notice what's happening in your body. You can do this during a conversation, notice, oh, that person is angry. Let me to be clear, that doesn't happen all that often, particularly with these forms of tabling, because they're intended to invite and be open to pro choice people. So you hear me talking about people being mad, know that that's happened in less than 5% of my conversations with pro choice people. While tabling, even with some of these more intensive forms of tabling. But notice in the conversation, even just in an amicable conversation, oh, we're disagreeing with each other. That feels stressful. What does that stress feel like physically in my body? And that will get easier as you get more practiced with it. And you can do it in other situations too, but just Notice are my shoulders tense? Is my, like, head sinking down into my neck? Are my abs tight? What is my breathing like? Am I breathing shallowly because I'm feeling stressed? Is there like a lot of energy in my body and my body wants to move? What does the stress feel like in your body? That's a kind of like offering yourself empathetic witness and kind curiosity. So just to notice. And that's something you can do without even pausing a conversation or without the person you're talking with knowing that you're doing it. Just notice your own body. One really, really simple little tool is just notice your breath. You can take a slow, deep breath as the pro choice person is talking. And they don't even have to know you're doing it. But just notice your body. Offer your body kind care. Think about how to make it available to yourself to take a break, give yourself permission at any time for any reason to end a conversation and say, have a great day. And then have some form of access that you've planned out in advance to somebody who cares about you and can hear about how something was hard.
- [26:33]
A
Yeah, I really love all of those suggestions and I've used personally pretty much all of them at different points. I think it's really good to have a big tool belt of available options of things. You know, you're going to be at a different space, a different mental headspace, a different place every time that you do an outreach. And so having a lot of tools, I think is a really good idea to just help care for yourself. Well, two other things that work really well for me, if I'm thinking specifically about that kind of pre outreach space, a reminding myself, what is my goal today? Because if I remember that my goal is to give people a positive experience with a pro life person, possibly the very first positive experience with a pro life person they have ever had. That's amazing. And that's also really doable. I can do that. Like, if I'm sitting there thinking I have to change every person's mind, I'm gonna be totally overwhelmed to be like, I can't do that. Because you can't. You're not gonna change every person's mind in front of your face. That's craziness. But if I sit there in the morning when I wake up in my bed and I'm like, o, okay, today your only job is to give some people a positive experience. With a pro life person, I breathe a little bit easier. I'm like, okay, I can do that. Even if I only gave One person today, a positive experience with a pro life person. I've still succeeded at my goal. That's what I'm trying to do. And that helps me a lot. The second thing that really helps me in that space is to acknowledge my feelings. I think that what you said, Rebecca, is really, really important to acknowledge. This is how I'm feeling. This is how my body is feeling about this right now. And, like, take serious time. I don't. I don't want to, like, brush past that. Take serious time to acknowledge my feelings and then when I've done that, remind myself that my feelings are not always an accurate representation of reality. Especially when I think about that pre nervousness, I start thinking about what my body's feelings are and I start asking myself, why. Why am I feeling so nervous? Well, the reality is I'm usually feeling really nervous because I'm afraid that people are going to yell at me or that somebody's, like, going to try to punch me today. And then I have the benefit of looking back on thousands of other conversations, like tons of outreach experience that if this is your first time doing this, you don't have. But please take it from me when I say when I look back on thousands. I often tell people this exact thing because I get asked this question in Q and A sometimes. I have had literally thousands of conversations with pro choice people. I can think of exactly three pro choice people that I was incapable of having a conversation with. They were so angry and so hostile that I had to end the conversation. I will also note none of those three people actually, like, slapped me or physically threatened me in any way or any of the things my brain is like, worried could happen. But even that, I have had exactly three people. Those people are burned. Like, I still can picture them in my head because they were so angry. Okay? But that percentage is so ridiculously small. And so when I think about that and remind myself and be like, okay, I'm feeling all of these things. I'm nervous about all of these things. But now let me take a minute and remind myself what the reality is that the vast majority of people that I am going to interact with are people who need to be loved today, who I'm going to be able to love really well and who are going to react positively to that, and they're going to walk away having a very different perspective about who pro lifers are and what pro lifers stand for, even if they don't actually change their mind today. And that, to me, is so worth those three out of a Thousand conversations that weren't fun, that didn't go very well. But even then, I was in no way physically harmed by it. Like, I, I often tell this to people when I take them to do outreach for the very first time. I don't think I have ever, ever had an outreach where somebody was doing it for the very first time. And they said to me afterwards, oh my gosh, that was so much worse than I thought it was going to be.
- [30:06]
B
It's exactly.
- [30:06]
A
That has never happened. I've heard it's exactly the opposite. We have this picture. Yes. Over and over, people are like, that was so much easier. That was so much. People were so much nicer than I thought. Like, we build it up. And I still do this even after having thousands of conversations and dunning outreach so many times. I still build it up in my head as this scary thing that I'm about to do today. And so, yes, yes, take the time, acknowledge that, Acknowledge how you're feeling, and then remind yourself it's okay to feel that way. But those feelings are not an accurate representation of the reality of what you're about to do. That's not actually what's going to happen. That's not what history has told us is going to happen. And that is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other to get myself to that outreach. When I remind myself what my goals are and what is actually going to happen here and how that is not at all the thing that I'm imagining in my head.
- [30:54]
B
And also, you have a plan in place if what you're imagining does somehow happen. You get to end a conversation whenever you want. And that is perfectly legitimate. It doesn't make you a bad pro lifer. It doesn't make you, I don't know, not doing enough to try to save babies. It doesn't make you anything. You get to end a conversation whenever you want. You are in control of who you engage with.
- [31:15]
A
You get to walk away. You get to take a break. You get to go talk to your empathetic witness person. You have all these plans for what to do when you need, need that space. And it doesn't have to be anything as extreme as a really hostile conversation to allow yourself to take that break and go talk to that person and share what happened. I think you having all those tools and remembering all those things can help make that very first time you do it and every subsequent time afterwards a lot less scary.
- [31:38]
B
Yeah, I think as we start to wrap up, I think one thing, I'll leave you with is just, you can do something you probably can't table tomorrow if you've never tabled before. But what is the one thing that feels doable to you that could be like a step toward tabling? Maybe that's sitting down with a journal and thinking, why does this feel impossible? Maybe your first goal is not figure out how can I make it possible for me to table, but figure out what's in the way. Maybe that's go to your local farmer's market, figure out where it is and just go and see what it looks like. Maybe that's look up, how would I reserve a table here? Maybe that's talk with a friend at church and figure out what would it look like to set up a table in the lobby. What would feel normal and welcoming to people in this particular culture of this particular church and have that one brainstorming conversation with a friend. One thing that's really important to a hurdle to advance address before you start to have these kinds of conversations is are you likely to end up angry at or treating a pro choice person badly? So if that's something that you're afraid of getting into conversation, not that you'll be like nervous and withdrawn or something like that, but if you're thinking, oh, I know myself, I know I might end up treating a pro choice person badly if I set up this kind of table right now, that's something that's really helpful and important to get into and address before you go have these kinds of conversations. So, yeah. What is one step that you can take that can get you closer toward outreach? If that's something that you're like, ooh, that sounds cool, I'd love to do that. I see how that could be helpful, but I don't think I could ever do that. What's one thing that would start to make that more possible? That's something you can do.
- [32:59]
A
Yeah. That is absolutely something you do. That's something you can do today is be thinking about that, journaling about that, praying about that, talking to your people in your community about that. I love that so much. And if you are a person who has tried any of the kinds of outreach that I have listed today, or one that you think should fit into one of those categories that we didn't mention, I want to hear about it, please. Because. Because people ask me this all the time. Okay. There's a reason I have this long list, because people have given me these ideas, My affiliate groups have tried them, and then I hand the ideas to another affiliate group and then they go try it. And they're like, that was amazing. And then I give the credit back to the original group. So please help me make my list bigger. If you have tried any sort of outreach in your local area, please put it in the comments, tell us how it went, tell us what non traditional things you did and how effective they were. Because we want to help more people get more comfortable with doing outreach and give more people positive experiences with pro life people. That's really what it's all about, is changing people's hearts and minds and even just changing people's perspectives about who pro lifers are and what pro lifers exactly stand for in the first place. And we can do that every day, just being out there, having little interactions with people.
- [34:02]
C
Thank you for listening to the Equipped for Life podcast, a project of Equal Rights Institute. Equal Rights Institute uses speaking, writing, YouTube videos, podcasts, online courses, and campus outreach to help pro life advocates in the areas of practical dialogue tips, relational apologetics, pro life philosophy, and sidewalk counseling. If you've been helped by this podcast, please consider supporting it by making a donation@equalrightsinstitute.com.