Escape Pod 1011: "Once Upon a Planet" by Kelsey Hutton
Escape Artists Foundation | September 18, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features Kelsey Hutton’s "Once Upon a Planet," a cosmic, humorous, and heartfelt science fiction story narrated by Kat Day. The narrative follows three immortal “aunties” of the universe—Mildred, Ethel, and Phyllis—as they attempt to fix a disastrously dysfunctional planet, only to uncover a metaphysical hide-and-seek involving Death herself. The episode blends cosmic stakes with familial, witty banter, drawing parallels to mythological triads and offering reflections on persistence, community, and the nature of endings.

Key Discussion Points & Story Progression

1. Setting the Stage: The Three Planets (03:04)

• The universe is introduced through the lens of three planets: one too hot, one too cold, and one “just right”… if you like ammonia.
• Hutton’s playful, fairytale-style narration immediately sets a whimsical tone:
  “One was too hot. [...] The last one, as they say, was just right. Or at least just right if you breathe ammonia.”

2. Introducing the Aunties

• Aunt Mildred: Brash, practical, and loud with a penchant for action and dry wit.

  • "Mildred was a woman who took up space and regretted nothing." (05:10)

• Aunt Ethel: Empathetic, nurturing, deeply invested in the fate of “her” planet.

• Aunt Phyllis: Wry, somewhat ethereal in both personality and literal presence—she toggles between corporeal and non-corporeal forms.

  • "I'm going non corporeal mostly these days," said Phyllis gruffly. "Easier on the joints." (07:00)

• Their familial, bickering dynamic grounds the cosmic tale in very recognizable, human relationships.

3. The Planetary Crisis & Universal Chaos (07:20–12:45)

• The aunties gather on Xerosia (or “Zorosha,” as it’s sometimes called), a battered, nearly uninhabitable world with cosmic significance—its wellbeing is tied inexplicably to the fate of the universe.
• Despite their powers and best efforts—mending the landscape, altering geography, innovating biology—nothing works for long. Problems on Xerosia echo and amplify through the cosmos:
  • “None of these problems are unique to Zorosha.” (09:58)
  • “Stars went supernova over the tiniest thing, and supermassive black holes were sprouting up everywhere.” (11:58)
• The story’s scope stretches millions of years, emphasizing the exhaustion and emotional toll on the aunties.

4. Confrontation with Death (13:30–18:20)

• Having failed to fix the planet or understand the root issue, the aunties realize something (or someone) else is behind the relentless decline.
• Mildred bellows a cosmic call, summoning Death herself, who emerges from the planet’s fault line—muddy, childlike, and amused.
  • “That was the longest game of hide and seek ever,” said Death, her voice high and piping. “I gave you so many clues and you still took so long.” (15:12)
• Death confesses to manipulating things as part of a game, childishly delighted by her trickery.
• The aunties threaten, scold, and insist Death restore balance.
  • “Put it all back right now. Mildred yelled. If I count to three and it's not back, so help me. One. Two. All right.” (17:36)

5. Restoration and Emotional Aftermath (18:40–22:45)

• With a snap, Death reverses the damage: the aunties regain strength, the universe stabilizes, and even the planet seems bearable.
• Tension dissolves into relief and gentle mockery as Death retreats.
  • “Smelled better too, you have to admit,” Death said before she flounced off into dark matter, leaving only a glint of blonde behind." (20:34)
• The aunties resume their cosmic caretaking, renewed.
• The story ends on a note of everyday wonder—taking joy in survival and small victories, even on an “ammonia planet.”

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Cosmic Wit and Familial Banter
  • “You remember that time she bought out the fried carbon cakes when everyone was side stepping to the polka? Didn't even notice what millennium she was in.” (06:08)
• Existential Exhaustion
  • “Aunt Phyllis fell first. Her mind was sludge, and all she could think of was the end. ‘Why hasn't this fucking planet died already?’ she finally gasped…” (14:20)
• Mythic Scolding
  • “Dumavati Eterna Alani Tukulka Hecate. Aunt Mildred shouted. And when Aunt Mildred shouts, you listen.” (16:55)
• Relief and Recovery
  • “Oh, that is better,” she said, like she had just sunk into a salt spring bath. And then she grabbed Death by the nape of the neck…” (19:38)
• Cosmic Epilogue
  • “Cypress trees, she gleed as she wiped away sparkling tears. ‘And the plankton will be so pleased.’” (21:20)

Host's Commentary (22:56–25:00)

• Merle Afferty reflects on the archetype of “three” in mythology:
  • “Somewhere along the way in literary circles we became interested in groups of three women, each of them representing something larger. Maiden, Mother, Crone; three witches from Macbeth; the Fates from Greek mythology [...] these aunties would fit in well with the literary triple goddesses of old… just in the future with cosmos-altering powers and they are tired of your shit…” (23:10)
• Recommends the TV show Chaos for fans of modern Greek mythology retellings.

Thematic Insights

• Persistence and Cosmic Care: The story balances the grand (fate of the universe) with the intimate (sibling-like tension, exhaustion, pride, relief).
• Mythological Resonance: Echoes the Fates and Furies, reframing cosmic control as the work of “aunties” who are simultaneously nurturing and formidable.
• Humor as Survival: The constant wit—juxtaposed with cosmic disaster—offers a fresh perspective on both heroism and caretaking.

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:04 – Story begins: Fairy tale of Three Planets
• 05:10 – Aunties’ introduction and personalities
• 07:20 – Assembly on Xerosia and attempts to fix the planet
• 11:58 – The universe-wide chaos described
• 13:30 – The aunties realize the scope of the crisis
• 15:12 – Summoning and confrontation with Death
• 17:36 – Death restores the balance
• 19:38 – The aunties recover their strength
• 22:56 – Host’s commentary on mythological triads and modern storytelling

Conclusion

"Once Upon a Planet" offers a delightful blend of cosmic adventure, mythic resonance, and family dynamics—reimagining the caretakers of fate as exhausted, wisecracking aunties who meet chaos not just with power, but with teamwork and resilience. The episode serves humor, heart, and hope in equal measure, standing as a tribute to the power of community (even at a universal scale) and the rituals—mundane or mythic—that hold worlds together.