Escaping the Drift - The Weekly Drop: Anchoring in Values Through Life's Turbulence - Escaping the Drift with John Gafford

Summary

Escaping the Drift Episode Summary: Anchoring in Values Through Life's Turbulence

Podcast Information:

Title: Escaping the Drift with John Gafford
Host/Author: John Gafford
Episode: The Weekly Drop: Anchoring in Values Through Life's Turbulence
Release Date: January 23, 2025

Introduction to the Episode

In this compelling episode of Escaping the Drift, host John Gafford delves deep into the significance of core values and their pivotal role in shaping one's identity, especially during life's turbulent moments. The episode, titled "Anchoring in Values Through Life's Turbulence," offers listeners insightful discussions on maintaining a strong sense of self amidst adversity and change.

The Importance of Core Values

John begins by emphasizing the necessity of having well-defined core values. He argues that without them, individuals risk having their identities tied to transient aspects of their lives—such as careers or hobbies—which can lead to identity crises when circumstances change.

Notable Quote:

"If you make your identity based on what you do, especially something that can change in an instant, you're setting yourself up for failure."
— John Gafford [02:45]

Personal Stories Illustrating Identity and Core Values

To illustrate his point, John shares two poignant personal anecdotes:

Friend Battling Cancer:

John recounts a post by his friend Steve Sims, who is courageously fighting cancer. Steve expresses how his identity, previously linked to activities like riding motorcycles and drinking whiskey, feels shattered due to chemotherapy-induced changes. This loss highlights the fragility of an identity anchored solely in external activities.

Notable Quote:

"Because if you don't pick your core values, your identity is always going to be wrapped up in something that's shaky or can go away."
— John Gafford [01:20]
Nightclub to Lava Lounge:

John narrates his transition from running a top nightclub in Atlanta to facing its sudden closure due to unforeseen circumstances. When he tried to attend the opening of a new club run by a friend, he was unrecognized, leading to a moment of profound identity loss. This experience underscored the dangers of tying self-worth to professional roles.

Notable Quote:

"In that moment, my identity was completely destroyed because I had wrapped everything about who I was based on what I did."
— John Gafford [03:15]
Apprentice Show Recognition:

Another story involves John encountering someone who misrecognized him from his time on The Apprentice. The dismissal he faced made him realize that basing his identity on past achievements was limiting and not sustainable.

Notable Quote:

"That is no longer going to be part of my identity... it doesn't work that way."
— John Gafford [04:10]

Defining and Identifying Core Values

Transitioning from personal stories, John offers a structured approach to identifying one’s core values:

Reflect on Defining Moments:

He encourages listeners to think about pivotal moments in their lives, especially those involving adversity, to discern what truly mattered during those times.

Notable Quote:

"Think about defining moments in your life... What was the thing that was really, really important to you at your core?"
— John Gafford [07:30]
Look to Role Models:

Observing and analyzing the values embodied by admired individuals can help in pinpointing one’s own core values.

Notable Quote:

"Consider the people that you absolutely admire. What values do they embody?"
— John Gafford [08:15]
Narrowing Down:

John suggests consolidating the identified values into three to five paramount principles to avoid dilution and ensure clarity.

Notable Quote:

"If you have twenty things, it's crazy. You're never going to do anything with that. Just get down to like three or five."
— John Gafford [09:00]

Practical Application in Networking and Business

John transitions to the practicalities of leveraging core values in everyday interactions and business decisions:

Networking:

Instead of just listing professional achievements, John advocates for sharing personal core values to build more meaningful and authentic connections.

Notable Quote:

"I would rather tell somebody who I am as a human rather than just rattle off a resume."
— John Gafford [05:50]
Business Decisions:

In the context of running a business, John emphasizes incorporating core values into decision-making processes to ensure actions align with foundational principles.

Notable Quote:

"We make all of our business decisions based on those core values."
— John Gafford [11:30]

He provides examples from his real estate company, Vegas, highlighting values like integrity and a culture of collaboration. These values guide hiring practices, partnerships, and overall company culture.

Notable Quote:

"Integrity above all other things. Does this jive with that? Is this person living that?"
— John Gafford [12:10]

Living Your Core Values

John underscores the importance of consistently living by one’s core values to maintain authenticity and prevent internal conflict:

Auditing Actions:

Regularly assessing whether one's actions align with declared core values helps in staying true to oneself.

Notable Quote:

"Audit your actions and ask yourself if this is what's important to me. Am I living true to these words?"
— John Gafford [08:55]
Adaptation and Flexibility:

If discrepancies arise between actions and values, John advises either adjusting behaviors to align with values or re-evaluating and redefining the values themselves.

Notable Quote:

"You can either change your core values to what really reflects who you are, or change your actions to get more in line with what you wrote down."
— John Gafford [10:20]
Decision-Making:

In moments of choice or crossroads, referring back to core values serves as a reliable compass to guide decisions.

Notable Quote:

"When you're faced with a difficult choice... you have to look at your core values and ask yourself, does this work with what I do?"
— John Gafford [10:50]

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

John wraps up the episode by reiterating the transformative power of core values in forging a resilient and authentic identity. By anchoring one's sense of self in deeply held principles rather than external achievements or roles, individuals can navigate life's uncertainties with confidence and purpose.

Final Thoughts:

Define Your Core Values: Reflect on personal experiences and role models to identify what truly matters.
Narrow and Prioritize: Focus on three to five core values to maintain clarity and actionable direction.
Implement Consistently: Use core values as a guide in personal interactions, professional decisions, and daily actions.
Regularly Reassess: Ensure that actions remain aligned with core values, making adjustments as necessary.

Encouraging Quote:

"Your life will fall in line with your core values as long as you're using them to manage your day-to-day decisions."
— John Gafford [12:45]

John ends the episode by urging listeners to embrace their core values as a foundation for a purposeful and fulfilling life, inviting them to share the message and stay connected for future episodes.

Visit EscapingtheDrift.com to learn more and join the mailing list for additional insights and resources.

Transcript

A (0:00)

This message comes from Pemco Mutual Insurance Company. At Pemco, their mission is to help customers worry less and live more. That's why they're all in on sharing prevention tips that empower you to prevent some of life's pitfalls before they happen. Visit pemco.com prevention from the podcast that.

B (0:16)

Gets you from where you are to where you want to be. Escaping the drift. This is the Weekly Drop with John Gafford. No matter what platform you're watching or listening to us on, make sure you like, subscribe and comment. And now the Drop. Welcome back to the program, everybody. This week on the Weekly Drop, we are talking about core values, what they mean, why you should have them. So I was just surfing through the old interwebs, as I do sometimes, and I ran across a post by my good friend Steve Sims, who is fighting a battle with cancer right now. He is aggressively fighting it. I like to say that he's winning. It looks like he's winning, but he's kind of in those throws where a lot of his identity and what his post about was today was about losing his identity to chemo. And he says, my identity was always kind of wrapped up in riding motorcycles and drinking whiskey and having a goatee. Well, right now, obviously, because I'm in the hospital, I can't ride motorcycles and I can't drink whiskey. And because the chemo now my goatee has fallen out. So everything that I would have said is my identity has now gone away. And I wanted to kind of take that a little bit further than what Steve said today. And because I tell a story in my book, which is when I talk about being very careful with what you make your identity out to be, and especially what you can't do is make what you do your identity. I tell a story in my book that's coming out where I talk about many moons ago, I was running a very hot nightclub in Atlanta. I mean, Esquire magazine had called us the number one nightclub in the United States. It was a very swanky spot. And then because of some random, you know, grains of sand coming through the hourglass, the world turning a certain way, the butterfly effect, whatever it was, we had a very high profile crime that happened at the club and it put it out of business. And when the club was going, I remember there was not one door that was shut to me in Atlanta. I could go to any restaurant, any table, any bar, any nightclub. And everything was always comped, the ropes always opened. And, you know, whatever I wanted was always provided because I was the guy running the coolest spot in town. And there was a new bar opening up downtown in midtown, in Atlanta. My friend Ray was opening a new place called Lava Lounge. And this is after our club had gone out of business. And I was kind of a little bit lost with what I was doing, trying to figure out what I was going to do next. And, you know, it had been a minute. And anyway, my friend goes, we should go to the opening of Lava Lounge. I said, okay, yeah, let's go. So much like I had a million times before, I didn't think to call anybody. I just figured I'd walk up and play nice. And there it was. And I walked up to the front of the line, which was a mile long, wrapped around the planet, and there was a bouncer standing there that I did not know. And I knew most the door guys around town. I did not know this guy. And as I walked up, I said, hey, man, I'm John from Cobalt. And the guy just looked at me with this blank stare and said, mad Bar has been out of business for, like, three months. You know, whatever. Back of the line. And in that moment, I know it sounds stupid, and you may listen to this and think it's crazy, but in that moment, my identity was completely destroyed because I had wrapped up everything about who I was based on what I did. And if you do that, especially if you're in a situation where things can change in an instant, you're going to set yourself up for failure. You're going to set yourself up to have a crisis of identity, or in worst cases, not be your true, authentic self to anybody that's out there. So how do you take that story and what Steve was talking about earlier and really protect yourself going forward from doing that? And it's to identify your core values. Now, in business, if you look at this, a lot of companies have core values. You see those motivational posters that are written on the walls. A lot of companies just have this is who we are, and they put it up there on the wall, and then they don't ever look at it again. The employees, if you ask them, couldn't tell you what they are. They have no idea. I try in our companies to develop core values that everybody knows, and then we make all of our. All of our business decisions based on those core values. But more importantly, you should identify and pick out core values for yourself, because if you don't, your identity is always going to be wrapped up in something that's shaky or, you know, can go away. Another Time in my life when my identity got a little rocked was I'll never forget the last time that I told people instantly that I was on the Apprentice. That show. It was, we're in New Orleans. And this girl walked up to me and she's like, you look familiar. This is before I was married, so I'm allowed to have this conversation before I was even dating my wife, so I'm allowed to have this conversation. So she walked up to me and said, you know, hey, you look familiar. And I said, oh, well, you know, you may know me from season three of the Apprentice. And this girl looks at me with this Southern accent. She goes, I thought you went to Metairie High School. I don't watch that shit. And just walked away. And I was like, wow, okay, that is no longer going to be part of my identity to say that I'm on this television show, because that's over and it's behind me. It doesn't work that way. So when developing your own core values, and when should you use these? Right, let's talk about when you should use them first before how to develop them. Number one, I talk about in networking, when people come up and ask in those networking events, I would rather tell somebody who I am as a human rather than just rattle off a resume. I find it much more interesting, and I want to hear about. I would rather hear somebody's core value than what they do for a living, because I don't care what you do for a living. If I. If I don't respect or I don't resonate with what drives you or your. What you find important in life as a human, I don't really care what you do, because we're probably not going to do business anyway. So understanding how to use that, understanding what it is, is very, very important. Now, obviously, one of my favorite books is 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. He talks about the importance of having the end in mind. So when you're, you know, when you're first thinking about developing.