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Kevin Davis
Can I make my sight firmer? Can we sleep cooler?
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John Gafford
Hey, it's John Gafford from the Escaping the Drift podcast. And big news. My new book, Escaping the Drift is coming out November 11th. You can pre order it right now at thejohngafford.com There are tons of bonuses, tons of giveaways. Get the book. If you are somebody that feels like you might be drifting along, this is for you. If you know somebody that feels like they might be drifting along, this is for you. Available everywhere, all bookstores, everywhere, Amazon, Barnes and nobles, the whole nine yards. But pick your copy up right now at thejohn.comgaffer.com and get a bunch of the awesome bonuses I've thrown out because I promise you, I put my heart and soul into this thing. I want it to help you change your life. Pick it up everywhere. What's the most unalpha habit you have that actually makes you a better man?
Kevin Davis
Self tanner.
John Gafford
And now, Escaping the Drift, the show designed to get you from where you are to where you want to be. I'm John Gafford, and I have a knack for getting extraordinary achievers to drop their secrets to help you on a path to greatness. So stop drifting along. Escape the drift. And it's time to start right now. Back again. Back again for another episode of the show that, like it says in the opening, man, gets you from where you are to where you want to be. And today, ladies and gentlemen, beaming live into the studio from just outside of Bozeman, Montana, where apparently it's already snowing. Not here 12 inches of sunshine in Vegas today, but already snowing in Bozeman. This guest today is a Dude that's built over 20 brands. He's currently got four companies across, I'm sorry, four companies with eight active brands across industries including automotive, off road janitorial, RV and. But mainly what we're going to talk about today is his men's coaching business which has taken out. He is on a mission after 25 years of entrepreneurship to save, save the American mail. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the program. This is Kevin Davis. Kevin, how are you, man?
Kevin Davis
I'm awesome. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. This is gonna be a lot of fun.
John Gafford
Yeah, dude, I love it. So, maxed out or sorry? Yeah, maxed out, man. When did you start max out, man? Let's start with that.
Kevin Davis
So it's been a couple years, but I actually had this kind of God given epiphany about 12 months ago that I needed to scrap the entire thing and start over. And so that, that's always fun when you have a, have a growing brand. But the story goes, originally I was targeting guys like me. I'm in, I'm in my early 50s, I'm fit, happily married, good business, all of those things. But over the course of this weekend that I had was down in Miami, speaking of Sunshine, I had 13 conversations. 12 of those were with men under the age of 35 and 11 of those were about marriage. And so it was a, it was kind of this like, dude, these guys need to hear from you. They don't have men in their lives to tell them how to be married, how to get fit, how to do be successful in business. You need to be that guy. And so that's, we re engineered, rebranded, did everything brand new and max out, man. So that's kind of where we're at right now.
John Gafford
So let's, let's go backwards. Tell me a little bit about you growing up that gave you. Was, was dad a super influence on you? Were mom and dad, Are you the polar opposite?
Kevin Davis
Deal, I'm, it's, it's the opposite. You know, either do, either do what you see or, or do the exact opposite because you of what you saw. And I've got it. I'm kind of the second one. My parents divorced when I was 6.
John Gafford
Hey, we got a, we got a match.
Kevin Davis
Nice.
John Gafford
Yeah.
Kevin Davis
And you know, it's funny because I, I always credit this to Dan Martell. I know he wasn't the first person to say it, but almost every successful entrepreneur between 6 years old and 12 years old had some sort of crazy traumatic event happening. It just, it Kind of sets that recipe and sets the stage for, you know, building self reliance and task management and figuring out how to solve your problems and all that. And that was kind of me. I kind of raised myself after the age of 8. My mom was into drugs and alcohol, and we moved every six months depending on what guy she was shacking up, shacking up with at the time. And at that point, this is 70s in Texas. And at, at that point, your mom could be a literal crack whore. Mine wasn't. But they could be the worst mom ever and they would still give her full custody. This is, this is kind of how life went back in the 70s for us. And so back when they had the.
John Gafford
Open container laws in Texas, that you could just drive around drinking a beer.
Kevin Davis
That's right. That's right.
John Gafford
Which from the sounds of what your mom may have done from time to time.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, she was, she was probably the poster child for that, I'm sure. And my dad, I love my dad. Great guy. But he ended up marrying a woman that was, was not the best stepmom in the world. My dad's not a strong guy. He's a really loyal person. And so he didn't necessarily kind of fill me with, hey, this is what you need to do as a man. And these are the things to deal with. And I had other men in my life that I relied on. I'm a big car guy. So every weekend I was over hanging out with the guy that had a 67 Corvette, you know, and then his daughter had a Camaro. My girlfriend had a Malibu. I had a Malibu Chevelle. So those were, that was kind of the men that I, that I learned stuff from.
John Gafford
Yeah, Learning how to turn a wrench at an early age.
Kevin Davis
That's right. And learning how to throw them when, when you, when you bust your knuckles.
John Gafford
That's.
Kevin Davis
That's another quintessential learning.
John Gafford
Yeah. There's always that fear that you get from your father of holding the flashlight if, you know when she's fixing a tire or something.
Kevin Davis
That's right.
John Gafford
Yeah. He wasn't there. So you just got it from somebody else, which is interesting.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, for sure.
John Gafford
So what, So a lifelong entrepreneur, did you come out and have jobs? I mean, what's, what's the story?
Kevin Davis
I, I. So my degree, I have two degrees, One exercise physiology and one in business. I started my early career as a personal trainer and then ended up, I was a really good. As a personal trainer and really good at sales. So I got my own club when I was 22. In Phoenix. And so that was kind of like the, you know, I was. Dude, I didn't know jack squat. 22 years old. I'm the operations manager of a 50,000 square foot facility doing 20,000 workouts a day. Crazy, right? And I figured out that if you want to have a family, the fitness industry is not the place for you because your hours are 5am to 9am, 11am to 1pm and 5pm to 9pm and so those are not exactly family conducive kind of hours. Right. So had an opportunity back. This is the dot com boom days. People were throwing money at everybody. An opportunity to work for a startup at that point and, and ended up helping to grow that company from I think I was number 27 or something.
John Gafford
To over 200 from, from in sales.
Kevin Davis
Or I was in operations and I did corporate training and, and program management, project management stuff. Kind of a little bit of everything when you start out. And so that was kind of that journey is. And then from there. So I kind of had this entrepreneurial thing and then I started my own business. First business was a web company and then it's just been. My wife basically just accuses me of just my business. My hobby is starting new businesses. So that's kind of in addition to cars. She's not wrong.
John Gafford
Well, what made you a great salesman?
Kevin Davis
I think it's just, it's a, it's a. So the way I describe it and it's just like this. Right. And I feel like you probably have the same thing. I feel like I was given a gift that I can open what I call a conduit to almost to pretty much everybody. So whether it's a custodian at a high school, 10 figure business owner, billionaires, it doesn't really matter. I was given this gift I feel to where I can find whatever that thing is to connect the two of us. And so, and so that is, it's really the connection part of sales that makes it about sales. I'm not a high pressure guy. I'm not a, you know, I don't, I'm not a car salesman kind of guy, any of that kind of stuff. It's really just making a connection, giving an offer of how I can help them and then you know, if they take it, they take it and they go from there.
John Gafford
But that those same skills, the high eq, the people skills translated to all of those places.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, absolutely. I mean it's, it's, you know I was thinking the other day about like what does that journey look like and it's really. It doesn't matter what industry you're in, what business you're in, what offer you're making. It's all about networking, networking, leadership, and. And communication. Those are kind of the things. And you can build your teams that way, you can build businesses that way. And that's kind of my story overall.
John Gafford
When you were that kid at 22 years old and they put you in charge of that gym, what do you think they saw in you, that they figured you could do it?
Kevin Davis
I'm the one that I. I kind of just give that vibe, and I'll. I'll. And I. I even did at that point. And I don't know if it's overconfidence or stupidity, probably a little bit of both. But I'll give you an example. I went to a car show that my buddy had invited me of that he was putting on, and his wife was putting on Southern California, about 300 cars, huge car show, famous guys like Chip Foose and Andy, you know, trying to remember his last name. Anyway, guys like that big in the industry. And I showed up, and literally 15 minutes later, I had a clipboard and a golf cart, and I was running the show somehow, because I started telling people what to do and trying to organize things, and I just kind of am that. That tends to be my methodology. I try not to. Michelle, my wife, she'd be like, dude, you were way too much. You need to slow down. Don't always have to be in charge, you know, those kind of things. And so I try to be a little bit more gentle. But, yeah, at 22, I was probably a little bit more forceful. I. They knew that I knew that I could do it.
John Gafford
Well, also, just. I mean, obviously you're not in the studio. You're being. You're beaming in today, but you look like you're a tall dude. How tall are you?
Kevin Davis
I'm actually six foot.
John Gafford
Okay, all right.
Kevin Davis
Yep, six foot. I. I look taller on the Internet, which is nice, but I'm not. I'm 6 foot, about 205. So I. I have a fair amount of muscle on me, so. But I do. You know, I do have that presence. Right? Like, I feel like that. And Michelle calls it resting bitch face, which I probably do have, but it can intimidate a little bit, but not. I' Pretty nice.
John Gafford
You know, I'll tell you. I'll tell you a funny story. There's something about being tall, and I'm a tall guy. I'm. I'm. I used to be 6 4. I'm probably shrinking now, which you can probably appreciate that. Yeah. And. But yeah, when we went to many years ago, I was on a reality show and it was the Apprentice and my sister and I went to an open call and because she's 5 10, we're both dressed in black suits, there's thousands of people there and everybody's coming up to us, asking us where to go, what should I be doing? Where should, should I be in this line? Should be that line. It's like we're here the as you. So there's something to be said about being able to put out a presence that people just resonate to and are willing to follow. So I. Hopefully that's part of your program that you're teaching some of these guys.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, I mean it's a, the physicality of it makes a big difference. Fitness makes a huge difference, people. Especially when you start getting into our age group. Right. Like the difference between a fit 50 year old or 55 year old or 50, almost 53, and a note fit one is so striking that you become, you know that that pool of people that you have to compete with gets really small. And so people, and if you're, you know, moderately attractive, you carry yourself well, you could have great conversations and smile a lot, you actually get better treatment. And people could call it privilege if they want or whatever, but like, dude, I work hard to make sure I have this privilege. So. But like whether it's flight attendants or, you know, the airport people or TSA or anything, you can kind of prove it to yourself.
John Gafford
It's. It's amazing for those of you that are much younger, it's. If you, if you told me at 35 the stuff I was willing to do at 53 to stay in shape, I mean, dude, as soon as somebody said peptide and now my stomach is like a damn pin cushion from all the peptides that I shoot myself every day. And, and I'm an. I am a needle like phobia. Like I hate, dude, I hate it. And now every day it's some shooting needles at myself with these damn peptides to stay, to stay ahead of the game, man. Because it's you using that science to stay fit.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, I haven't gone down the peptide. Right. But I'm, I'm on. I've been on TRT for a couple years and dude, yeah. Literally changed my life. So that's a big ass needle I shoot in my butt twice a week.
John Gafford
Yeah, yeah, I do that. I do that too. Yeah, yeah, do that too. No, so no, I'm on. So right now I'm on the glow, which is BP157GKU for your skin and stuff in your joints. Because being tall, I'll tell you, the BP157 is huge, huge difference in my joints because when you lift and you get. As you get older, it's just your joints just hurt when you work out. But that, that's good. So I'm good there. And then it's got something else in it. GKU something and then something else in it that makes it, oh, TD TB 500.
Kevin Davis
Oh, okay.
John Gafford
And then that and then Tessamorelin and like a micro dosage Tirzepatide, but just for my brain, not for like losing weight on it for that. So yeah, dude, it's just, but it's just constant little needles just in every direction. It's a disaster.
Kevin Davis
And being sore. I told somebody the other day, started lifting when I was 14, so I've literally been sore for 40 years.
John Gafford
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, see, here's the problem. Like, I got some friends. See when you. Again, 53, I got some friends that are in their 40s and these morons are still working out like I did in like high school. They're like, like, I'll come work out. And it's like, what are we doing today? And I'm thinking like, at this point I'll do. I work out. I lift weights four days a week. Two of those are functional upper body, two of those are functional lower body. And it's a lot of mixed stuff. It's a lot of multi angle, like payload press where you get a lot of different parts of the body involved. These idiots are like, oh, we're going to work out shoulders today. I'm like, I'm sorry, what one body part. Those days are long gone for the kid. I'm not no long. Like there's nothing about a thousand reps on my shoulders in one day that I need to do anymore.
Kevin Davis
Yep, 100% I'm good. Yeah, yeah.
John Gafford
I'm like, I, I'm gonna.
Kevin Davis
My whole. My shoulder hurts just thinking about what you're.
John Gafford
Does that anymore? It doesn't make. It makes no sense to work out like that. Well, let's talk about when do you think? Because obviously you're teaching masculinity and how to be a good man. When do you think? What, when, when is the, when did the decline in masculinity start in this country?
Kevin Davis
Oh, man, I think it's probably, I mean, it's gotta be in the last 10 years, I would say. And it's, it's kind of, it's one of those slippery slopes. Right. It's like the frog boiling pot of water A little bit with gender politics, honestly plays into it. And I think not in the way that most people would probably think, but I think that we, our biggest issue right now and the things that scares me the most, speaking of testosterone, our cumulative testosterone, the average testosterone in 17 to like 22 year old men guys is lower. It continues to get lower, which is really scary. But then you couple that with societal pressure and some of that thing. So the way I describe it is that I think boys who are, let's say 15 to 18, they are afraid to be men. Right. And that, and that can mean different things. You know, I'm, I tend to be a little bit more alpha. You were talking about working out. You probably a little bit more alpha in that way. If you're not like a alpha guy, then that's totally okay. But I think what we have, what we are teaching these young men is that the worst possible thing you can be is a guy. You know, that's where there's toxic masculinity. Yeah. That rhetoric and all that. Right. Like it's, you know, so. Because then it's, it's not only from a political standpoint, gender ideology and all that, but it's actually in the presence of young women. It's like I, if I. So I've did this thing where I literally open my wife's door every time, both in the car and wherever we go, unless I'm physically unable for the last 32 years that we've been together.
John Gafford
Unless it's shoulder day.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, unless it's shoulder day.
John Gafford
Right.
Kevin Davis
And, and so, but just the act of opening her door, some women will, especially young ones will, will interpret that, that you're saying I'm less than or whatever. Right. And that's the exact opposite of what I'm saying. I'm saying to my wife, I value and care enough for you to show the respect of opening your door for you, not because you can't. She's a boxer, she's a welder, she does off road rallies. There's nothing weak about this woman.
John Gafford
Yeah, right.
Kevin Davis
But I think what we're teaching these young guys is that I don't even know what I can do and what I can't do. Like as my, my natural inclination is to teach this, is to treat this young woman with tons of respect, adoration, put her up on a pedestal, whatever. But I think if I do that, I'm going to be rejected.
John Gafford
I. Do you think that's regional, that kind of behavior? And the reason I say that is because, like, I grew up in the. I grew up in the south, like, as South. South is in the south is where I grew up.
Kevin Davis
Yeah.
John Gafford
And we spend a lot of time in New Orleans, and I've got a lot of graduate friends there. And you still teach your kids manners in New Orleans. You still teach them to pull. I mean, my wife always jokes that the first time she met a bunch of my guy friends in New Orleans, we were at a formal lunch at a very famous restaurant there, and she got up to leave the table and everybody stood up and it freaked her out. And it freaked her out. And it was just like, well, that's just kind of winners, I guess.
Kevin Davis
Yeah.
John Gafford
And so we've done a good job of trying to. In Vegas, it's. It's hard, you know, because here it's.
Kevin Davis
A melting mixture, right?
John Gafford
Yeah. It's a melting pot from all over the place, but, you know, holding doors for people and. Yes, ma', am, no, ma'. Am. And that kind of a thing. You know, we've done our best to instill that in our kids, but I can tell it's definitely an anomaly here.
Kevin Davis
Yeah.
John Gafford
Without question.
Kevin Davis
Which is good, because you want them to be the anomaly. Right? Like, that's the. That's. That's a. That's a big part of it. Yeah. I didn't even know adults had first names till I was, like, 13.
John Gafford
But literally, I was on a trip this weekend in Napa with one of my good friends who's 55, and he said to me, hey, because my son is 17, he's going to college next year. And my buddy said, hey, do you think we can get away from the Mr. Gorton with hate? I mean, I've known him since he was a kid. Do you think we can get away from the Mr. Gordon thing? And I said, absolutely not.
Kevin Davis
Yeah.
John Gafford
Nope. What do you mean? I just said. I said, at my father's funeral, me as a mid-40s man, there were men there that I had, you know, Mr. Knutson, Mr. Russell. That's just what we. And I still. I'm 45 years old, and that's what I called them, because that's how it is. So I said, well, Eric, is Hayden ever going to call you Eric? No, he's not.
Kevin Davis
No.
John Gafford
Because that's not. Because it's not appropriate.
Kevin Davis
Right? Yeah, Well, I mean, not how this works. That's. I mean, yeah, that's. I think that's just good manners and it shows respect. I know one of the things in the south you'll hear like Mr. Kevin, Ms. Michelle. Yeah, the little kids. But it's still. There's a, There's a, a part of respect there that it's not. I'm not on a first name basis. My daughter's dating a young man now that I hope she's gonna marry. Awesome dude. But he still calls us Mr. And Mrs. Davis. He's 28, 29 years old. And that's, you know, he doesn't. That's just. And I respect that and I like that, you know.
John Gafford
No, I, I like it too. Let's get back to talking about men being broken. Your program maxed out, man. Really focuses on three pillars, which are, you know, man, marriage and mission. Tell me about that.
Kevin Davis
So. And my thing just went crazy again. Can you hear me? I'm sorry, I. Keep it good. All right, good. So sorry. There's. There's your cut right there. Oh, you're good. So, Max, that man. We describe it kind of as that three legged stool, which is a fairly common analogy, but it's usually man, marriage and mission. Those are the three things we talk about, man, is mindset. Health and fitness is a huge one. Spirituality and faith. Marriage is fairly obvious. How you treat your wife. The. You know all of the different things about being married successfully. And the mission typically is your legacy. Finances, entrepreneurship, tons of business oriented things. And so most of the time, men only get one or two of those right? And usually one or two very wrong. And so as an example, you'll have a guy that's, you know, seven figure entrepreneur, eight figure entrepreneur. His kids hate him and he never talks to his wife, right? So. And maybe he's 50 pounds overweight.
John Gafford
I think if your kids are teenagers, don't feel too bad, they're gonna hate you.
Kevin Davis
Between between 14 and 22, you get a break, right? Or like in my case, I'll. I'll admit that my marriage is the, Is solid. I. The way I describe it is it's better today than it was last year, and it'll be. And it's worse today than it'll be next year. So, like, it just keeps getting better. And I don't know a lot of men that can say that after over 30 years of marriage, but it literally gets better all the time. My fitness is dialed in. Workout six days a week. Pretty dialed in there, but I can always be. But my business side of it. I typically am a little more frazzled with my business. I could be more successful in that area. So I know those things to work on.
John Gafford
The. Well, let's, let's. Well, the first one obviously is your man, which is focusing on your first thing. I don't know how you could be good at the other two if you don't have that first one straight.
Kevin Davis
Well, I mean, people prove it all the time. There are a lot of really overweight, unhealthy men that are successful business people. You know, I don't see how you can't have that one dialed in and be effective anywhere else. But at the same time, the same thing goes for marriage. You know, miserable at home. That will transfer out to every relationship.
John Gafford
Yeah. I mean, you look at, you look at like Jeff Bezos, right? He was not, he was not exactly a stud when he got Amazon going. And now the dude rolls around. Oh, number one, he's financed like one. But he looks like a Bond villain. I do.
Kevin Davis
Well, I mean, he, he hits that TRT pretty hard.
John Gafford
Yeah, well, and let's, let's face it, if you literally had unlimited funds, I mean, unlimited funds, if you're not in great shape, there's something wrong with you. Which is honestly when you see like, and man, we're going to get hate for this, but I don't care. I'm gonna say anyway, but like, I think that's where people have like a problem with like Lizzo. Right? Like, yeah, no, you're not. Everybody's beautiful in your own way. Like, you're rich now. You can afford anything. And I think you've seen her lose some weight because of that. Because. And I don't think it has any do with the pressure of people saying she's not attractive in her current state. I think it has to do with when you're rich and you can. A chef and a trainer and all of that other stuff. Suddenly it becomes much easier to get in shape than when you're trying to count points on a nutrisystem app on your phone and maybe make it to Orange theory after your 12 hour shift at the plant. You know what I mean? It's a little harder to get a little harder to get in shape then, you know, but when you're rich, personal.
Kevin Davis
Chef, that you give them your macros. Look, I would be way more ripped than I am right now.
John Gafford
Yeah.
Kevin Davis
I would not be, you know, doing my own food prep every week and all of that kind of stuff. Right. It's, it's. I always, I Do actually think about that. I'm like, why is this rich guy or rich girl? Why are you fat and unhealthy? Like, it's not that hard to call people that can come help you. Like, where's your assistant? Well, I think there's no one in their life to tell them, look, you're fat. This is. This isn't good for you. Well, I think it's not all about the visual.
John Gafford
Yeah. I think people. I think people that are heavy are well aware that they're heavy. I think probably that there's. They need to deal with the underlying issues there.
Kevin Davis
Yeah.
John Gafford
I think is probably most of it. Dude, I know me. I know when I get super, super, super stressed out, I'm heading to the pantry, and I gotta fight that. That is a battle that I fight all the time. I'm like, bro, you do not need a handful of peanut butter pretzel things. You just don't need it. Just because you had a stressful phone call. That's not gonna. And that's. You know, I constantly battle with myself over that.
Kevin Davis
Well, if I live with a pastry chef, she's an amateur, but she's professional level. And I love. I'm addicted to sugar. She literally. We have lock boxes and a lockable freezer so that she can keep my. And I call him Kevy, my inner fat kid who gets up at 2 in the morning and wants to eat. Right. Like, that's my, you know, similar struggle. But, yeah, it's rough.
John Gafford
Yeah. I kind of can't wait, you know, because I. My thing is, if it's in the house, right. And so with the kids, we always have all this really, like, crazy junk, and I'm just like, why do we have this? You know? And then, I mean, you're like, this is terrible. We have this munching it down, but it's like, why do we have this? I kill my wife all the time. It's like, I will miss our kids when. When they're gone and off to college, but I will not miss what my pantry looks like. Just be not the dinner. Yeah.
Kevin Davis
And I mean, the question goes, is, is it healthier for you? It's not any healthier for them than it is for you. No, no.
John Gafford
But, dude, when you're sick. No, when you're sitting. My son, he's 17. He could eat 8, 000 calories a day. Yeah.
Kevin Davis
Right.
John Gafford
You know, 2% body fat the rest of his life.
Kevin Davis
You just got a spoon. I got a spoon with M&Ms.
John Gafford
That's all it makes no sense. Well, let's talk about what builds a healthy marriage. I want to talk about that. Well, what in your opinion, you said been married 30 years. What's the secret, in your opinion, to a healthy marriage?
Kevin Davis
There's a, I mean, honestly, there's a guy named Dr. Gary Chapman, if you're familiar with the five love languages. That was his thing and he started that, he developed all that stuff. But he talks about the five love languages are great. I love that stuff. Go look that up. But one of the big things he talks about is that marriage isn't 50, 50, it's actually 100.
John Gafford
100.
Kevin Davis
So the way that it should work is that if I do everything I can to make sure that my wife's needs are met. Met, and she does everything she can to make sure my needs are met, everybody's needs get met. That's, that's the, that's the, the end equation. Honestly, you know, it's not that simple for me. I, I basically put, you know, it's, God, my wife, kids, and what I think happens a lot, especially typically more with moms than, than dads, kids, but kids, yeah, it's, it's. And I, you know, I've seen women say I'll do anything for my kids and I'll like they could care less about the husband. Right. And that's why when you see people, you know, you're coming up, your son's 17. When you get to that empty nester phase, that's when a lot of people get divorced because they realize they've invested absolutely nothing into their relationship over the last 15, 18 years. And you know, it's not surprising that they're, that they don't know each other. Well.
John Gafford
The one thing that in common just walked out the door.
Kevin Davis
Absolutely. That's the only thing you have to talk about. I mean, we're huge into date nights. We did a date night on Friday, went out, nothing crazy, we just went out for Chinese food, which don't tell my trainer, but went out for Chinese food and just kind of hung out and talked and did we have these little conversation cards that we use and, and, and that connection. But it's little simple stuff. It's. I had an experience Saturday morning I went down and worked out she wasn't doing weights today. But I'm listening to my playlist and there' song called the Good Stuff by Kenny Chessen that came on and the premise of the song is it goes to the bar, says give me the good stuff. And thinking that's Alcohol. But he goes on to describe all of these little moments and these little things that make up a happy life with your wife. And so. Love that song. Michelle loves that song. I came upstairs, I started playing that song, and I grabbed her and we slow danced in our kitchen for. For three and a half minutes. Right. When we pulled away from each other, both of us were crying. And it's just this, like, tenderness and this tender moment that was completely unplanned, but it's a deliberate act to feed into my relationship. Right. Because it's so easy for me just to not do that. Right. But it didn't take much effort and didn't take much time.
John Gafford
But see, wait a sec. But wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Not so fast now. But see, what. Isn't that not work with the alpha lifestyle?
Kevin Davis
I think, you know, when you talk about what a masculine man is, he loves, serves and protects the women in his life and his friends, but in particular his wife. Alpha. Alpha has a bad name.
John Gafford
The point. Exactly. That's the point that I was trying to get to. I think you've got a whole generation of guys coming up that watch certain social media influencers and stars.
Kevin Davis
Mr. @.
John Gafford
Yeah, there you go.
Kevin Davis
Thinking of.
John Gafford
Yeah, yeah. And just. And watch this. That's who's educating a generation of men how to be men.
Kevin Davis
Yeah. And that's what I'm trying, you know, that's what people that are in my space, we try to combat that. Right. Like, I want to have. I want to teach a young man how to treat a woman in a way that they, that they feel loved, cherished and protected. Because if you look at, I don't care what, you know, feminism and all that stuff. But, but if you look at the core of what most, if not, you know, 95% want, it is those three things. To be loved, to be cherished, and to have safety and security or to be protected. Right. Dr. Jordan Peterson talks about the propensity for violence. And if you've heard him talk about. Oh, yeah, of course, you know, women want to know. Not that you're a violent person, you're capable. You're capable of doing it. Right. And that's. But that's not the same. Like, you should have, like, I have. My wife has. I have gorilla hands is what she says. She actually calls me her gorilla because I'm the guy that breaks glasses on accident in my hands. It's just from years of working out, working on cars, all that.
John Gafford
It might be a depth perception issue as well. Could be. That could Be that.
Kevin Davis
But like I, but I can have that tenderness that when we lay in bed at night, if she wants her black back rubbed, I can tenderly do that. That's kind of how I see masculinity in its purest form is that it's based out of love and based out of caring, not based out of authority. Authority or somehow proving that I've got a big unit or whatever, whatever drives that kind of behavior. That's not what masculinity is all about.
John Gafford
When guys come to you, what's the biggest problem with most of them have? Do you see?
Kevin Davis
Consistent self identity is a huge thing. You know, the. And I suffer with it too. Like the imposter syndrome or like I'm not good enough or I'm. I'm kind of putting on this mask and no one really knows the real me. Those are big ones. And that gets coupled with bad relate, you know, no relationships with other men. That's our, that's our go to right as guys is it's really hard for us to have relationships with other guys and, and to be friends with other guys. I talked about this morning on a, on a call. We kind of did these wins today and, and I had two wins on Friday at a morning conversation and end of the day conversation before date night with two guys that I've been meaning to connect with for about six months. And we finally got connected and had like a 40 minute conversation. But it started because I thought of them, I texted them to say, hey, just want to let you know I'm thinking about you, I love you, I hope you're doing well, let's connect. And then that, you know, then they, then they call me. So those kind of activities that is missing in a lot of men, I think whether it's fear not understanding or a whole host of different reasons.
John Gafford
Well, I think as you get older and it's, you know, people get families, people get this. People wait too long. They wait for. They're like, well, I don't have any friends because nobody reaches out to me to do anything. But in most cases people just start thinking about you because they're probably not thinking about much outside of themselves. And you know, I tell people the time, if you want something to happen in your life, you've got to be responsible for that. And if that means reaching out to other people to be happy, you have to do that. It's also interesting you were talking about self identity with people because with the people that I coach, one of the things I find is the biggest mistake is they wrap their identity to something that's fleeting. Their identity becomes their job, it becomes their profession. It becomes something that could change several times throughout their life and sometimes, especially in this climate, could change unwillingly. And if your entire identity is wrapped up in something that you don't control, like a job, then you're setting yourself up for a major problem. I mean, you should identify as nothing more than things that are within your personal control, in my opinion.
Kevin Davis
Right.
John Gafford
Yeah.
Kevin Davis
The way I have described it to people is that men. And I made this mistake. I almost cost me my marriage and missed the first six months out of my daughter's life. Tony Robbins talks about the human condition is to avoid. Avoid pain and seek pleasure. Sure, right. And what men typically do is whatever. Wherever they get the most reward. And it may, you know, we'll use pleasure as the main thing, but where the. Whether they. Wherever they get the most pleasure and have the least amount of pain, they will gravitate towards that. The example I'll give is in my own life, I had no idea how to be a dad, kind of, you know, had really no example of how to be a husband, a good husband at that point. And so. But I was super freaking good at my job, and people loved me at my job. And so I gravitated towards career instead of gravitating towards my family. And by the grace of God, my. My wife said, look, I don't know if you want to still be married, but if you do, something needs to change. And so I made a complete 180, changed my life, and 30. It's been almost 30 years. And I got, you know, probably 27 years, and it changed everything for me. But it's that perspective on what's. What the priority is in. In your life. And. And like you said, make the priority things that you actually can control. Those, you know, those are. Those are good.
John Gafford
Yeah. How often do you do, like, the check in with your wife to make sure everything's going okay?
Kevin Davis
Pretty much every day. I mean, I. I talked to, you know, you know, and it. It's those little moments. It's just really understanding because I can, you know, after this amount of time, I can just look at her and know that she's frustrated. I can look at her and know that she's just having a rough day or whatever. You know, I've got the quintessential. It is. It is law that if I walk through the kitchen. So my office is right here. The kitchen is literally, you know, six feet away. We have a decent Sized house. So we. She's always in the kitchen doing baking, all that. If I walk through that room and I don't slap her on the ass, something is seriously wrong. So that. By. By the way, man, that is a. That is a quintessential dude rule. Like, that's.
John Gafford
You have to. It is. See, it's. Where are we at? We're at 34, 36 minutes. Honey, I'm gonna make you listen to this, because she doesn't believe me. She thinks it's just me. No, it's not. It's not.
Kevin Davis
It's a rule. And, you know, I saw this video the other day of a. Of a woman basically saying, women, stop complaining that your husband slaps you on the ass or makes sexual advances or whatever. You literally have a guy that loves you and is attractive attracted to you enough to put that effort. Be happy complaining about it. Right? Like, be happy for it. Because you could be these. It could be the exact opposite.
John Gafford
Yeah. My wife and I are very practical in the assessment of our marriage. We have a thing that we do where we'll say, I love you today. And if the today is on there, you don't get it. You don't get it every day, Right? But if the today's on there, it's legit. Because what happens is when you're married for a long time in passing, it's like, yeah, good night. Love you. Yeah. Oh, see, I'm leaving. Love you. And just becomes goodbye or hello. There's nothing to it. So on those days when you get the I love you today, it's. It's like, oh, really? You do today? You know, because, look, I tell people to get married. I tell everybody that I know that's getting married. I tell them that story. Because I'm like, every day is not sunshine and rainbows. There's gonna be days when you're just sitting there and you're like, could she eat out of that Tupperware any louder? I mean, is it even humanly possible to scrape the side of that Tupperware with that spoon any louder and you want to murder this person. And then there's days when it's like, I love you today. But we do that a lot. We. We have a. I've been married four times. Always to the same woman, though. We get married every five years. Is a check in. And I figure you're about to throw.
Kevin Davis
This interview for a whole loop.
John Gafford
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's always. Always to the same woman. But, yeah, we. We do that every five years. And it's my way of like, hey, man, she'll go through with that again, then probably do it. Okay. So at least every five years I know exactly where I'm at. She's ever like, yeah, I think next time, just to throw some spice into it, I might ask her for a prenup. I don't think that's going to go over.
Kevin Davis
Yeah, I don't think she'll like that. I will give the audience a little bit of a here's a trick going back to you I love you today thing. What I did one year, I started in January and I started with three. I bought a pack of three by five index cards and every day I would write I love something. I love her, I love about her. Right. We have a pretty decent sized master bathroom. She has her own sink on one side, mine's on the other. I began tape them up around her mirror. And so, and so she'd see a new one every day and kind of knew where. Knew where the new ones would go. And, and so imagine 360 of those. 365 of those all around her bathroom mirror. Right? So you got all of these five by three by five cards. I got nerdy about it, actually put in an Excel spreadsheet to make sure I didn't repeat any.
John Gafford
Yeah, that would have made more sense.
Kevin Davis
To me, you know, make sure I did that. But I actually just hand wrote them out. And then at the end of the year for Christmas, I made one of those, you know, photo books that I had different pages of us.
John Gafford
So they're just randomly placed around the mirror. Literally, like they're taped, but just, just randomly kind of.
Kevin Davis
I mean, I'm pretty, pretty anal. So they.
John Gafford
I'm saying my add, like, all I'm hearing is my ADD is screaming.
Kevin Davis
They were organized.
John Gafford
Okay, all right. Okay.
Kevin Davis
Not my topic or anything. They were. They were aligned, right.
John Gafford
A random hodgepodge of cards stuck on the wall in. This is my worst nightmare.
Kevin Davis
Well, we'll have to find a different.
John Gafford
Way to do it. Yeah, that's it. Okay, now your spreadsheet. You're speaking my love language. Now you know my love language. Here we go.
Kevin Davis
I used the spreadsheet in order to make sure I didn't repeat anything.
John Gafford
Okay.
Kevin Davis
I made her a book and gave it to her for Christmas.
John Gafford
That's awesome.
Kevin Davis
Coffee table book. And so, and I, you know, some of them got a little spicy, but so that was. Those are. That's a great thing to do that.
John Gafford
That is. So if a Guy's coming to you, right?
Kevin Davis
Yep.
John Gafford
How quickly? And again, this is almost like an infomercial question. It's not. I'm just curious, though, because what is your expectation when you bring somebody on that they should see some results or see some advancement?
Kevin Davis
I mean, really, it's not nothing that we're not. We're not curing cancer here. Right. Like, we're trying to help men get better. And all I want these guys to do is to take deliberate action to improve a little bit at a time. Right. And actually, most of the guys, within a few weeks to a month. Month, they should see some sort of forward progress. And it's simple crap like. Like we talked about opening the door, you know, making sure you check in with her. Those are some of those marriage things, you know, And. And from a fitness standpoint, you're going to be sore after the first workout. So you start to see that happen. And Obviously it takes 6, 8, 12 weeks for you to see some real progress, but you're going to see progress just from the. From the commitment to yourself. One of the big words I use is integrity. And my buddy Marcus Collius, who became my mentor and just an amazing guy, he talks about integrity in a different way. That really changed my perspective. We always think about integrity as my promises to other people. Right. Like, that's kind of our outward measure, integrity. But integrity is a measurement with yourself.
John Gafford
Sure.
Kevin Davis
Do what I'm. I tell myself what I'm going to do, and when I don't do it, I'm breaking my integrity.
John Gafford
Yeah, you lose self confidence.
Kevin Davis
Right. And so just the fact that you now are doing what you say you're going to do for yourself instantly elevates your. Your entire world in my mind.
John Gafford
Let me ask you this. In a world of fast clicks and just the Internet and everything else and everybody's heads down is in their phone, I think I, you know, I. We catch ourselves doing it sometimes. We're sitting there and I look around, everybody's on the couch and stand in the front phones. How much do you think dopamine addiction is causing this mass reduction in. In masculinity with men?
Kevin Davis
I mean, I. Is there a bigger factor right now? I mean, because then. Because here's the problem. The dopamine addiction that you have allows the algorithms and this little tin hat, you know, tinfoil hatish. But the algorithm is feeding you stuff that based on the behavior that you have, the behavior you're doing is to get the dopamine hit. And when you see something about that that reinforces your predisposed biases. Then you get the dopamine hit and then it continues to ingrain that right? So like, if it's telling you that masculine men are, are rapists or whatever the message is for the day, you're going to continue to get that right. So you're using the dopamine to reinforce untruths in your life. And so, but, you know, it, it's crazy that it works that way, but it's like, it's literally like this, you know, self fulfilling prophecy to where the more I do it, the worse it gets. And the more, the worse it gets, the more I want to do it. And it's on and on and on.
John Gafford
The reason I'm laughing is because as far as algorithms goes, you know, my son was getting his news from Twitter and I'm like, buddy, you can't, you can't do that because if you look at one, like, if you look at, look at three articles that lean this way, everything you're going to get is going to be that way. And that was starting to happen with him. And I said, I'm going to prove a point. I grabbed his Twitter and I think I typed in, typed in like big booty college girls or something into Twitter. Watch your algorithm change. Now, his mom was not thrilled with that lesson. She didn't, she did not think that was the right way to go. I thought it was very effective. Like, I mean, I proved that to.
Kevin Davis
My wife because she had seen one of my, you know, on my TikTok account, I. There's girls on my TikTok account.
John Gafford
Yeah.
Kevin Davis
And so I said, all right, I'm gonna prove this to you. I want, right now we're gonna start a brand new Tick Tock account where I say, I'm a 53 year old male, brand new feed is full of nothing but young girls. Like, I, I had literally never interacted with Tick Tock under that account. Like, they be, they serve you what they think you're gonna like.
John Gafford
Yeah.
Kevin Davis
And you have to retrain it and all that. It's, it's crazy.
John Gafford
All right, well, let's, let's bring this home with something I like to do, which is I go on the old chat gbt and these are the only prepared questions I ever ask. Ready? I say just give me 10 random weird questions that would be appropriate for this person that they've probably never been asked.
Kevin Davis
Okay.
John Gafford
Right. So it's unique to you. It's a little unique to you, but it's random. You ready you go, we're gonna, we're gonna go fast. You ready? Number one, if masculinity were a meal, what would be on the plate?
Kevin Davis
Steak. Steak and potatoes. I mean, I think that's the common answer.
John Gafford
Okay, perfect. What is one non negotiable. You do before 7am that would sound crazy to most people.
Kevin Davis
Cold plunge.
John Gafford
Oof. Yeah, I don't do the cold. What's the dumbest thing you've done that still somehow made you stronger?
Kevin Davis
I have multiple times created situation with ladders that should have been, should have ended in my death death. But have not so far but made.
John Gafford
You stronger because you didn't learn not to do it again. I mean, I don't understand how that makes you stronger, but okay, maybe stronger.
Kevin Davis
Because I keep working out so I can do stupid, stupid things.
John Gafford
Okay, if discipline had a smell, what would it be?
Kevin Davis
Wow, that's a weird one. I'll say gear oil just because it's the worst smell in the world.
John Gafford
Okay, what's the most unalpha habit you have that actually makes you a better man in.
Kevin Davis
Self tanner?
John Gafford
That might be the start of this podcast. That might be how we start this out. Okay. Oh God. If you could go back and give your 21 year old self two piece, a two word piece of advice, what would it be?
Kevin Davis
Can I have three? Don't be an asshole. That's four.
John Gafford
Okay, number seven. You can only keep one forever. Physical strength or emotional control.
Kevin Davis
Oh, definitely physical strength.
John Gafford
Okay, 80 years old. Crazy. There you go.
Kevin Davis
Physical streak.
John Gafford
All right, number eight. Which animal best represents the kind of man you're trying to build through maxed out men?
Kevin Davis
A bear.
John Gafford
Okay, number nine. What's a quote you think is absolute garbage that everyone else seems to love?
Kevin Davis
God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
John Gafford
Okay, and last one.
Kevin Davis
It's not in the Bible, by the way.
John Gafford
Okay, last one. If you had to max out one area of your life that has nothing to do with business, faith or fitness, what would it be and why it.
Kevin Davis
Would be continue to grow My marriage because above all else, I want to be 105 years old and have been married for 80 years. Like I want to get to that.
John Gafford
And that's the wrap. Kevin, how do they find you if.
Kevin Davis
They want to find you, go to maximan.com. i also have a little digital product if you're interested, called the date nightblueprint.com super cheap, super digital download. Take your wife on a date this weekend. It's ready to go.
John Gafford
Love that. All right, well, brother, I Appreciate it, man. Anytime you want to come back on you, let me know. All right?
Kevin Davis
I appreciate it. Thanks, man.
John Gafford
Guys. So men, I'm assuming men, because I don't know how many women are still around after that. I don't know. Hopefully a bunch. I don't know. But listen, here's the deal. If you're drifting through life, chances are, I mean, the three pillars that he teaches are really where you need to start because they're all based on one thing, which is self accountability. If you can't be honest with yourself, you can never hold yourself accountable. If you don't do what you say you're going to do, you're never going to build self confidence. And you will continue to drift. We'll see you next time. Hey, it's John Gaffer from the Escaping the Drift podcast. And big news. My new book, Escaping the Drift is coming out November 11th. You can pre order it right now at thejohngaffer.com There are tons of bonuses, tons of giveaways. Get the book. If you are somebody that feels like you might be drifting along, this is for you. If you know somebody that feels like they might be drifting along, this is for you. Available everywhere, all bookstores, everywhere, Amazon, Barnes and nobles, the whole nine yards. But pick your copy up right now at thejohngaffer.com and get a bunch of the awesome bonuses I've thrown out because I promise you, I put my heart and soul into this thing. I want it to help you change your life. Pick it up everywhere. What's up, everybody? Thanks for joining us for another episode of Escaping the Drift. Hope you got a bunch out of it, or at least as much as I did out of it. Anyway, if you want to learn more about the show, you can always go over to escaping the drift.com you can join our mailing list. But do me a favor, if you wouldn't mind, throw up that five star review. Give us a share. Do something, man. We're here for you. Hopefully you'll be here for us. But anyway, in the meantime, we will see you at the next episode.
Escaping the Drift with John Gafford (Episode Date: Nov 4, 2025)
Guest: Kevin Davis
This episode centers on the journey of Kevin Davis—entrepreneur, coach, and founder of Maxed Out Man—as he explores the decline of modern masculinity, the power of service, and the importance of deep relationships in men’s lives. Host John Gafford leads a candid, sometimes humorous discussion about manhood, marriage, fitness, business success, and the societal trends challenging men today. They discuss practical strategies for self-leadership, building strong marriages, and reclaiming meaningful male mentorship in a shifting culture.
Upbringing:
Entrepreneurship & Sales:
On Cultural Shifts:
Regional Differences:
“Most of the time, men only get one or two of those right, and usually one or two very wrong.” (20:42, Davis)
On Modern Masculinity:
On Marriage:
On Long Marriages:
On Daily Check-Ins:
On Integrity:
On Men’s Social Connectivity:
For men feeling adrift:
Find more resources at maxedoutman.com or check out Kevin’s downloadable “Date Night Blueprint” for actionable ideas.
Listeners interested in breaking free from “the drift” will find this episode a mix of practical advice, lived experience, and light-hearted banter—inviting men (and those who care about them) to rethink what real strength and service look like.