← Escaping the Drift with John Gafford
Loading summary
Transcript332 lines
- [00:00]
A
When somebody is interested, they come up with stories and reasons and excuses of why it can't be done or why they won't do it. Says they allow their current circumstances or their past failures and traumas to control their thinking, thereby repeating the same patterns over and over and over again which lead to the same results. But people who are committed upgrade their identity to match the destiny that they are committed to achieving. They upgrade their knowledge, they upgrade their skills, they upgrade what they believe, and then they take consistent action until it becomes second nature to do the things required to achieve the goals that you wrote down on this document that I know are achievable.
- [00:59]
B
And now, escaping the Drift, the show designed to get you from where you are to where you want to be. I'm John Gafford and I have a knack for getting extraordinary achievers to drop their secrets to help you on a path to greatness. So stop drifting along, Escape the Drift. And it's time to start right now. Back again, back again for another episode of like it says in the opening man, the podcast that gets you from where you are to where you want to be. And today, people in the studio, I've got somebody. Yeah, I mean, living legend, next level, thinker, doer of all things. This guy is somebody I met at one of my masterminds a couple years ago and I've been trying to get him through, man, it just never works out. But again, Vegas being Vegas, everybody comes through eventually. And when I saw he was here, I hit him up immediately. I was like, I gotta get you on the podcast. And being the giver that he is, he said, I'll be there, no problem. This is a guy that came from a troubled youth, as so many of us do. Overcoming that by really leaning into mentorship. Wound up to build his first big company was would be a remax where he had 1200 agents. And trust me, I could tell you somebody owns a real estate company. That is a lot. And we were just talking about it. They were doing like 35,000 transactions a year, which is insane. Exited that thing. Co founder of Bamboo ipx which had a market cap of like two and a half billion. He's the CEO of Neuro Jim, which is a company that's dedicated literally to changing how you think. He is a thought processor, a thought leader. He was in the secret and we are lucky to have him here in the studio. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. This is John Assaraf.
- [02:40]
A
Hey. Hey. Great to be.
- [02:42]
B
How are you, man?
- [02:43]
A
I'm doing so good. It's so great that we're able to make this happen.
- [02:47]
B
I know. And you know what? And I didn't even include best selling offer. Offer three times.
- [02:51]
A
It's all right.
- [02:51]
B
Three time best selling author. So, you know, you are somebody I want to talk a little bit about. For people that aren't familiar with you, I want to talk a little bit about that early life struggles.
- [03:00]
A
Sure.
- [03:00]
B
Because I always like to. I always like to dive into the nature versus nurture of success. So tell me about young John Assereth.
- [03:09]
A
Listen, like, like many people, I grew up with a dysfunctional family, so I think that's, that's normal. Parents were unhappily married, got married for the wrong reasons, but they had my brother, my sister and I, and we lived like, listen, normal childhood, right. Roof over our heads. My, my parents worked hard every day. My father was a cab driver, my mother worked as a seamstress, trying to make ends meet. And most of the months, there was too much month left at the end of the money. My dad was a gambler, alcoholic, physically abusive to me, mentally and emotionally abusive to my mom, and moved us, fortunately, from Israel to Montreal when I was five. Now the reason they moved was they wanted to get away from the wars. The wars that are still going on. Yeah, right now. So this was literally, you know, 56 years ago or so, a little bit longer. And when I moved to Montreal, I was five and I spoke English, I spoke Hebrew. But I was put into a classroom with, you know, 60 other immigrants who hardly spoke any language that any of us knew. And I quickly fell behind by, by two years in school. So I was getting in trouble because I was bored in the classroom. I felt like I wasn't smart because my grades were terrible. I would come home and get beaten by my father for having poor grades only to feel like I'm not smart enough, not good enough, not worthy of it, of success in school. And that was the self image that I developed. And so I hung out with a group of kids that would go across the street to the stores and shoplift. The shoplifting led to drug selling. The drug selling led to drug using. The drug using led to breaking in entries. The breaking entries led me to jail or detention centers, police departments, kicked out of school. Grade 11, I left. Failed English, failed math, and said, I'm just going to keep doing the hoodlum things and surviving this way on the streets.
- [05:09]
B
What was the, what was the hinge point that made you say this? There can be something other than this?
- [05:15]
A
Well, there were two things that happened Simultaneously that were great one. I was, I was traveling at the airport, I was going to the airport and in front of me was this guy and this woman. And I recognized the guy and his name was Denis. And my buddy and I, who I was selling drugs with, we're selling this guy drugs. And we found out at the counter that he was a cop.
- [05:44]
B
Oh boy.
- [05:45]
A
So I'm like, holy. And what dawned on me was my father said to me, even the best juggler in the world will drop what he is juggling once in a while.
- [05:56]
C
Yeah.
- [05:57]
A
And so here I am looking at this guy that we've been selling drugs to and he's a cop.
- [06:03]
B
So wait, was he a cop that was using drugs or was this.
- [06:06]
A
It was, it was a, it was. He was, he was trying to sell him more and more and more drugs to, to find out our sources and all that stuff. So that's kind of like part one.
- [06:14]
C
Yeah.
- [06:15]
A
Part two was my brother who I've been dear friends with for my whole life. He's nine years older than I am. He was worried about my, my well being. One of the kids that was in the little group that I was in was in jail. Another one had died. And my, my brother, my sister were afraid that I'm going down this path. And I knew what I was doing was wrong. So I knew right from wrong. I knew that what I was doing was illegal. I knew what I was doing could get me in trouble. But there was this amnesia, you know, around, you know, I'm not going to get caught.
- [06:50]
C
Yeah.
- [06:52]
B
Invincible.
- [06:53]
A
Yeah. You know, 19 years old. You know, my brother was concerned for my well being. And my brother time was a tennis pro. He had just finished playing on the circuit when he was in his 20s and he moved to Toronto, Canada. I lived in Montreal at the time. And he moved to Toronto, Canada and he was teaching this one guy, his name was Alan Brown tennis. And Alan Brown was a philanthropist in town that everybody knew. A real estate developer, had real estate offices and was just a really nice guy from what my brother said to me. So, hey, listen, I know you don't want to, you know, continue working in mycom, which is a subsidiary of Philips in the shipping department. Why don't you come down to Toronto and let's have lunch with him. Maybe he like you, maybe he'll offer you a job to work in his real estate company. I said sure, I'll come down. So I took the train.
- [07:41]
B
Nothing to lose.
- [07:42]
A
Yeah, Took the train on a Friday, Friday morning. Got the, the day off from Work and met my brother and we went to lunch to meet this gentleman, Mr. Allen Brown. He was white hair, handsome man in shape, probably 50s, somewhere in that range. It was very, very, very soft spoken. And we just started chit chatting, small talk and he asked me what are my goals? And I said, well, I'd like to leave the company that I'm working for in the shipping department because I'm making $1.65 an hour and I hate it. I'd like to move out of my parents house because they won't let me bring girls over. I want some independence and I'd like to buy a car because I really don't want to take the subway, you know, and the bus to school anymore, to, to work anymore. It's cold in Montreal. And she said, that's all great, but what are some of your bigger goals and dreams? So I don't, I don't have any. Like, I just want that like 1.65 an hour is not a lot of money. I'm making more money selling drugs.
- [08:44]
C
Yeah.
- [08:44]
A
And I don't want to do that anymore. But you know, you get used to making a lot of money.
- [08:49]
B
Necessity.
- [08:50]
A
So he said to me, would you mind answering a few questions for me and then we can take it from there. And I said sure. So he reaches into his briefcase, this is how far back this goes. Briefcase. And he pulls out this document and it was the 1980 goal setting guide.
- [09:07]
B
Okay.
- [09:08]
A
So he says, read the questions, answer them to the best of your ability and then let's talk about it. I said, okay, Mr. Brown. So I opened up the first page and I still laugh. I'm 19.
- [09:20]
C
Yeah.
- [09:20]
A
The first question was at what age do you want to retire? Like retire? Yeah, I want a freaking job.
- [09:28]
B
65 an hour.
- [09:29]
A
I want retired. Nobody in my family's retired. Yeah, retire. I asked him what am I supposed to put here?
- [09:35]
C
Yeah.
- [09:35]
A
And he said, just pick a number. I said, well, when do people retire? My father's, you know, in his 50s and like he's not retired. My aunts and uncle, nobody's retired. He says, you know, somewhere 45, 50 is a good age. From 19, you're 26 years now. So I wrote down 45. Second question. Upon retirement, how much net worth do you want to have? So I said to him, excuse me, what does net worth mean? I'm like green as green can be. So he explains to me, assets minus liabilities. There's a number left over, that's what your net worth is, that you can maybe have Cash. I said, what should I put there is, well, 45. You're going to retire. You're going to need enough money for like 30 years. So it better be millions. Yeah, I'm like millions. Like the only people I thought made millions were people on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous TV show. And so I said, what am I supposed to put? He says, pick a number. So I said, Is three enough? He says, sure, put it down. Put down 3 million. Retire 45. 3 million. What kind of home do you want? Four bedroom, two bat, two car garage, you know, plenty of land. What kind of cardio? Mercedes Benz convertible for sure. Where do you want to travel? All over the world. How do you want to travel? First class. Who do you want to help? My mother and father love to retire them. What kind of clothes you want? Italian clothes. I just wrote down, started running to, to these questions, just made up, pulled it out of my ass. And he grabs the document when I'm done. I gave it to him. And he reads and he says, now, if you could achieve all of these things, would you consider that to be a ordinary life or an extraordinary life? I go, well, Mr. Brown, I mean, this would be an extraordinary life. There's nobody we know that has that and is living this lifestyle. He goes, I'm going to ask you one question and the answer to this question will tell me whether you will achieve all of these things or not. And again. 19. Cocky.
- [11:30]
B
Can I guess? Can I guess?
- [11:31]
A
Sure, guess.
- [11:33]
B
Did he ask you what you were willing to give up to get it?
- [11:35]
A
Nope.
- [11:35]
B
Okay. All right. That was my guess. That would be my guess.
- [11:38]
A
So he asked me a question. He leans in, he says, son, are you interested in achieving this lifestyle, in these goals, or are you committed to achieving them? John, I'm like, am I interested or am I committed? I'm like, I didn't know the difference. I said to him, feeling stupid again, which I felt a lot in school. What's the difference? And he smiles and he leans in. Son, when somebody is interested, they come up with stories and reasons and excuses of why it can't be done or why they won't do it. Says they allow their current circumstances or their past failures and traumas to control their thinking, thereby repeating the same patterns over and over and over again which lead to the same results. But people who are committed upgrade their identity to match the destiny that they are committed to achieving. They upgrade their knowledge, they upgrade their skills, they upgrade what they believe, and then they take consistent action and till it becomes second nature to do the things required to achieve the goals that you wrote down on this document that I know are achievable. So now that you know the answer, son, which are you and John, to this day, I was excited. I was nervous, and I don't know why, but I said, well, in that case, sir, I'm committed. And he leans in with a big smile, puts out his hand and says, in that case, son, I will be your mentor.
- [13:27]
B
Wow.
- [13:27]
A
And I said, wow, what's a mentor?
- [13:31]
C
Yeah.
- [13:32]
A
And he explained to me what a mentor was. And then he said, okay, listen, the first thing I need you to do is move from Montreal to Toronto. I said, what do you mean, move from Montreal to Toronto? Where am I going to live? I only have $50. Figure it out in the bank. He says to me, he says, listen, successful people make decisions first and figure out how after. So I said, fine. By the way, I'm giving you the short version.
- [13:56]
B
Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure.
- [13:58]
A
I said, fine, I'll move. He said, the next thing I need to do is. He says, on April 5, no, May 5, 1980, that there's. The real estate class begins. I need you to get your real estate license. I go, what do you mean, the real estate class? He goes, well, you're gonna have to go to school nine to five every day, pass a test, get your real estate license, and then I could possibly offer you a job in my company because you have to be a licensed real estate. I said, you want me to go back to school? He goes, yes, you need a license. I said, but I failed English. I failed math. I don't know anything about real estate. Stop. Here you go again, giving me stories and reasons, excuses why you can't. This is the sign of somebody who's interested, not the sign of somebody who's committed. I said, well, but I don't do well in school. I cheat on every freaking test, you know, in high school to try and get out of high school. He says, well, are you going to. Are you going to do it or not? I said, fine, I'll do it. He says, and you're going to need $500 to pay for the course. So. 500 bucks. I got $50 in the bank.
- [15:01]
B
Could have been a million dollars.
- [15:03]
A
$50 in the bank. He says, well, I know what you have in the bank. You told me. He says, but figure out how to get the $500 and. And let's get this done. And I am fighting him like tooth and nail, holding on to my old identity in my present reality, which Was the truth, by the way. 50 bucks in the bank. Living at my parents. Nowhere to live in Toronto. Hate school. Didn't do well in school. Don't think I'm smart enough. Don't think I'm good enough.
- [15:29]
C
Yeah.
- [15:30]
A
And he's challenging me to break this pattern and the language and the emotions that go with it. So, long story short, borrowed money from my mother, my sister, my brother. My father figured it out. My father. My father didn't have any. I figured it out. Moved in with my brother in Toronto, figured it out. He let me use his car to go to school. The manager, what's the manager's name? I've got a picture of the manager. The manager helped me study for the test and he tested me, quiz me every, every day in, in. In the office after school. Joe. Joe is the name of the manager at his real estate office. And I passed the test on June 20, 1980, and I got my real estate license. And the reason I remember these dates so well, the day I passed the test, I started to cry because it was the first time I didn't feel like I was dumb. I didn't cheat to pass a test. And I thought to myself, for the first time, maybe you're not dumb.
- [16:30]
C
Yeah.
- [16:31]
A
Maybe you're not stupid. You just learned real estate law. You just. So I had the slightest evidence that maybe my idea of myself, the paradigm I had of myself was not right only because of school.
- [16:48]
B
Yeah, but I think so many people, though, get stuck in that paradigm. And I think what you just said is a fable for this example. This is if you're around people with that scarcity mindset, that, that limiting belief mindset, you're going to adopt it. And when you get around somebody that has that just growth mindset and that just achiever mindset, it's so unbelievable for people to think that people really think this way.
- [17:14]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [17:15]
B
And it's, it's really hard for people to kind of get over that hump. But once you can, I think that's amazing. So my question is this, right? So what do you think he saw in you as a kid? That here's this guy that's obviously reached a certain level. And I talk about this in business all the time. There are seasons of business. And when you hit that certain season of success, you want to find some people to help and bring up. You want to. Real success is reaching back to pull forward. Right. And you want to find those people. So what do you think it was about you, that kid sitting there that he Said, this is the kid.
- [17:48]
A
I think he saw potential that I didn't see. But I think in. In him challenging me and me breaking through my limitations, he saw that there's some real potential to help me because I came up with the stories, the reasons, the excuses and the evidence, and I was charged, you know, and then I let him lead and guide, and I trusted him. So I put some trust and faith that he knew better than I did. That was very hard for me. Is, you know, growing up on the streets a lot, you trust you and, and the buddies that are with you, you know, during one of your drug deals or breaking the entries, like, I learned to trust them. I got their back, they've got my back. There's a code of honor.
- [18:39]
C
Yeah.
- [18:40]
A
Everybody else I didn't trust. So I'm. I'm the one who's doing all the illegal stuff, and I didn't trust everybody else. Right, right. So he saw that. And. And then the, the best part of all of this. Said he offered me a job. You know the best part? Zero Inc. Zero. Zero salary.
- [18:58]
B
Oh, sure.
- [18:59]
A
Commission only. Yeah. What? I went from A$65 to 00. But. But day one in the office, June 21, 1980, he brought out that document with my answers to the questions. And then he says, now that we have some goals, is there anything you want to modify? No. I mean, this is like. This is the. This, this like house, car, travel, money. I'm like. I'm like, I'm down for this. He goes, great. Here's part two of the exercise. What do you think you would need to believe about yourself in order to achieve these goals?
- [19:42]
B
This is a wise guy.
- [19:43]
A
Oh, he's wise man. And he had a process. Right. So he led me to the. The imagination first. And then. So I'd have to believe I'm smart enough. I'm had to believe that I'm good enough. I'm have to believe that I'm skilled enough. I wrote down all of these, and then Joe helped me, the manager. Wouldn't you have to believe that you can do this right now? Would you have to believe that it's possible? Wouldn't you have to believe that, you know, I wrote down like 10 or 15 beliefs that I would have to believe? He said, now what I want you to do is I want you to look at your vision and your goals and read it. I want you to close your eyes and just pretend that all of these things are already real and true. How does it make you feel? I read it, you know, you know, 45, retired, $3 million. I'm like, I feel energized, I feel excited, I feel, I feel, you know, a little bit, you know, that's not possible, but I'm feeling this and then I'm reading what I would need to believe in order to achieve that. And he said, now if you really believed these things, that you were knowledgeable enough, you, you deserved that you were smart enough and you learned what to do to earn this, you think it's possible? I said, yeah, if I believe this and, and I learned how to do this, of course I believe it's possible. This is great. Let's move to the how part next. So he helped me realize that it's doable with the right structure. So he said, I want you to learn this script. He said, in real estate you have to do marketing. So I was a real estate agent now, right? I had a licensed real estate agent, says you've got to do marketing and you've got to learn how to sell. Says the first part of marketing is getting listings or finding buyers is that is the highest impact and income producing activity you can do. So I said, okay, what I need to learn.
- [21:43]
B
Pick up the phone.
- [21:44]
A
Well, he had the phone in front of me. I had one of those books with the streets behind the office and around the office with name, phone number, address. And he had a script on like a little pedestal. And the script was, hi, this is John Asraf with Allen Brown Real Estate Company. We have somebody who's looking to buy a home in the neighborhood. Have you thought about making a move? If they say yes, I go, great. Can my broker, Allen Brown and I come over today at 3 o' clock or would 5 o' clock be better? He said, that's an alternative choice. Yeah, don't ask them if you can come over. Ask him what time. So I had the script. If they said yes, what time could we come over? If they said no, I said, oh, thank you. Oh, by the way, do you know if any of the neighbors are looking to make a move? If they said yes, great. Would you mind getting me their name and number? If they said no. Oh, one final question just so we can keep track of, of you and your home. Have you considered if you're going to make a move in the next year or three or five? And if they said yes, we put it into this card system. So he had a process to teach me, you know, cold calling and my job. I had a sheet of paper with 100 boxes on the sheet of paper box once at $15. Box 230, box 345, 60, 75, 90, 105, 120, 135, 150, 175, ET, 165, etc. He said, here's your job. Every day, make it through the hundred boxes, call 100 phone numbers, see how many people you could speak to. Here's what I promise you. Over the next 30 days, you do this for every day, you will start making money.
- [23:14]
C
Yeah.
- [23:15]
A
So I fumbled at first. I was a clumsy beginner because I was reading. Hi, this is John. John Asraf with Alan Brown Real estate.
- [23:22]
B
You sure that's who this is?
- [23:23]
A
Right? It's terrible. Right? So I was terrible. I mean, like, terrible reading off of the script, trying to talk into the phone. Right. There was no headsets.
- [23:31]
B
Well, you weren't listening at that point. You were just talking. I was talking, yeah, you weren't listening.
- [23:35]
A
So. So I, I, I, I not only practice the script, you, Joe had me record the script onto cassette tape. And they said, on your way to work, on your way to look at homes, you know, which is what real estate agents do. So they're familiar with the area. Listen to this over and over and over again. So I memorized the script. So then I didn't need the script anymore. Listen, I'm 63 now.
- [23:59]
B
You still know it.
- [24:00]
A
I still just recited the script to you. You did, right?
- [24:04]
B
You did.
- [24:04]
A
I was 63. I was 20 at the time.
- [24:06]
C
Yeah.
- [24:07]
A
43 years ago. I learned that.
- [24:09]
B
I think it's ingrained.
- [24:10]
A
It's ingrained because I did it for a whole months every day. And then he taught me another script. Over the next six months, I made $62,000 because of the listings I got or the buyers that I found, because we also did ads that I.
- [24:24]
B
Which was more than you ever thought possible.
- [24:26]
A
My father made 25 grand that year as a cab driver. I made 62,000. I got 31,000 that in six months. Yeah, I thought I died and went to heaven.
- [24:33]
C
Yeah.
- [24:34]
A
And then he said, great, time to upgrade your skills again now that you know that script. He's Tommy. Tommy Hopkins. For sale by owner script and so this script was, you know, go into the. Go into the newspaper every day, cut out all the ads, paste the ads onto these little three by five cards, by phone number, because people change that, but they don't change the phone number. So I learned this system. And then my script for that was, hi, I noticed that you're trying to sell your home privately. This John assert with Alan Brown Real Estate Company. And I'm not looking to sell your house.
- [25:05]
B
If I bring a buyer, will you pay me?
- [25:07]
A
If I could find a buyer, you know, to buy your home, would you be willing to pay me a small commission we could agree on afterwards? Yeah. Great. Do you mind if I come see the house today at 3 o' clock or 5 o' clock so that I can talk intelligently to our buyers and I'll let the other agents in the office know? Now, the process he taught me was the purpose of the phone call was just to get to see the house, to meet them. And I learned an entire process, you know, for sale by owners.
- [25:32]
B
You know, what's so funny is as you talk about this, it's, this is 1980. You're cutting ads out of the newspaper, you're using a phone book, inverted, whatever, the tools have changed, but the skill to be able to connect with somebody and make them believe that you can because you genuinely can solve their problem. That skill set transcends all technology, all AI, everything. Which is why I tell people, you know, I get asked that question a lot by people on panels, whatever. Do you think AI is going to replace real estate agents? And I'm like, no. And they go, why not? And I go, because much like real estate agents got travel agents got downsized. I still love a good travel agent, especially if I'm going to take an elaborate trip. I love a good travel agent. But they did get that. That industry got decimated by Orbitz and the other companies that came out. The reason that real estate agents will always have a job is because the majority of people, when making the largest single transaction or, you know, financial investment of their entire life, they need somebody to tell them it's okay to do it.
- [26:34]
A
Yeah.
- [26:35]
B
And I get it. Somebody right now, is this going? No, I can do it without your help. No, no, I get it, dude. But the majority of people need somebody or want somebody that is a trusted professional to tell them this is okay.
- [26:46]
A
Even you mentioned AI. I've been teaching AI to my students, you know, for two and a half years now and, you know, help them grow their companies, their businesses. And what I teach them is even though people want to use AI, most people prefer somebody else to do it for them.
- [27:04]
C
Yeah, right.
- [27:06]
A
And, and what Alan Brown, you know, shared with me back then is there's a process and structure for every goal you want to achieve. There's a mindset piece, there's a skill set piece, and there's a behavior piece. And if you don't have the skill set, then you're basically trying to like solve a Rubik's View without structure. And if you don't have the mindset piece, you're not going to take action even if you have the skill set.
- [27:33]
C
Yeah.
- [27:34]
A
So the mindset piece was the, the, the inner game stuff, the self belief, the identity, you know, piece that, you know, I can do this, I can achieve this, I can learn this, I can let go of whatever I need to let go of, I can start whatever I need to start. And I was the, the worst part for me was I wasn't good at structure. I was good at setting the goal and the vision and what Alan Brown provided me. And then later on when I got into the franchising world, the franchising, you know, provided me was a process, a system, paint by number. And what I've discovered in 44 years of brain research now is every brain functionally works the same. And some brains are really, really good at structure, some brains are not. Some brains are much more social, some are more conceptual, some are more analytical. But everyone needs a structure to follow. We need a structure, you know, to cook, we need a structure to drive a car. We need a structure for language. We need a structure. And most people don't have the structure for success if you want to. Now in, in today's day and age, we talked about AI, how to achieve anything, how to stop anything, how to start anything, how to achieve anything, how to lose weight and keep it off, how to, how to have a better marriage, how to have better sex, how to have, make more money, how to build a million dollar ten million dollar business. All the how to exists. Yeah, it all exists in, in seconds I could have it in my fingertips. That's not the major issue. There's three other parts that if we don't address when we're talking about high performance, we're leaving a big portion of what it really takes to achieve. So I'll give you an example. Let's say you teach somebody like me cold calling skills, but you don't deal with their fear of being rejected. If you don't deal with their fear of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, judged. If you don't deal with their fear of failure, if you don't deal with their fear of disappointing themselves or others, you're missing a huge piece of the motive required for action. Because when the fear circuit is activated in somebody's brain, the behavior circuit, the take action circuit turns off, shut down. It turns off fight or flight. Fight, flight or freeze.
- [30:11]
C
Yeah.
- [30:11]
A
Right. And it's not that they don't want to take action. They don't know how to turn the switch off and turn the other switch back on. And they're focusing on the pain or discomfort, whether they're aware of it or not. So emotional regulation has to be a part for all entrepreneurs. You want to raise money for your company, you want to sell your company, you want to take it public. There's a fear of making mistakes. There's a fear of screwing it up. There's a fear of things shifting or changing or not doing it right. But highly successful people learn how to feel the fear, the doubt, the uncertainty, and they learn how to do it anyway. But they also learn how to mitigate their risks if they're smart.
- [31:02]
B
There is a chapter, a whole chapter in my book that's coming out November 5th about risk mitigation and how to measure and evaluate risk. And when you talk about overcoming fear and insecurity in these things, are you talking about conditioning your brain to think differently, or are you simply reframing the obstacle in a way that doesn't make it fearful?
- [31:21]
A
In some cases, you reframe the obstacle that doesn't make it fearful. But before we even reframe the obstacle, we have to recognize when the fear circuit is. Implement. Is impacting.
- [31:37]
B
Like why?
- [31:38]
A
Yeah, why? Why? Like, our brain has networks like the Salience network, Executive functioning network, default mode network. These are networks like computer networks. And then we have circuits that turn on or off, and one minute we can have, you know, the motivational circuit turned on. So let's talk about young men. Okay. Let's say they're in school and there's somebody that they're attracted to. Right. You know, they initially get motivated to go and talk to the guy or the girl, doesn't matter. But then all of a sudden, their buddy says she rejects everybody. Yeah, she's just going to give you the hand or she's going to reject you. Well, all of a sudden, oh, if my friends are watching and I go and talk to her and she basically, you know, rejects me, then I'm going to be embarrassed. And they might, you know, judge me and they might reject me, and they might, you know, cause me to feel a certain way.
- [32:36]
B
So in that situation, do you try to reframe the. Again, reframing or conditioning?
- [32:40]
A
The first. The first thing we want to do is recognize when the fear circuit is turned on.
- [32:46]
B
Okay.
- [32:46]
A
So first it's awareness. Awareness of thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations, behaviors. So why do I keep not wanting to make Those calls, why do I keep not going, you know, and talking to him?
- [32:56]
B
What's the real reason behind the real reason?
- [32:59]
A
Like what's causing me, you know, the circuit to go active. And so it's only going to be, you know, either being embarrassed, ashamed, ridicule, judged, failing, and what it means to me being disappointed. And those are the main, you know, seven or eight fears that we have. And so whenever we become aware, we go, okay, so let's say that I take the action and I fail. Can I handle it if I had to? If I, if I.
- [33:33]
B
What's the worst case scenario?
- [33:34]
A
Can I handle it if I had to? If the answer is, well, yeah, if I had to handle, I can handle it. Great, take action. Because we've already established you can handle it if the answer is no, I can't handle it. Now we go a little bit deeper. Well, what specifically do I think I cannot handle? Right. So let's say, well, I can't handle losing all my money in this transaction. Great. Okay. Now we're dealing with a fear of loss and a fear of things changing drastically because I won't have money for the mortgage, the rent, the car payment, whatever the case is. So now it's a more serious threat.
- [34:09]
C
Yeah.
- [34:10]
A
So now we go to, okay, what would have to happen in order for me to mitigate the risk so that the worst outcome I can handle. Because I don't want this to be an all or nothing game.
- [34:24]
B
I think I find that so many people, their biggest fear is simply looking foolish. And one of the things.
- [34:30]
A
Embarrassed.
- [34:31]
B
That's. That's the biggest fear.
- [34:32]
A
Embarrassed.
- [34:33]
B
And one of the things I love that right now seems to be coming out of the hustle culture, if you'll call it, is I saw her mosey post this the other day. I loved it. You know, Alex, the guy lives here in Vegas, and he posted, normally the people that achieve the greatest success are the people that are willing to be embarrassed the longest.
- [34:49]
A
Absolutely.
- [34:51]
B
And I think when you start, when you start seeing these guys of very high stature saying, it's okay to be embarrassed, it's okay to not know what you're doing, it's okay to look like an idiot.
- [35:00]
A
Well, but even saying that I'm going to be embarrassed, why would I feel like I'm going to be embarrassed?
- [35:08]
B
Yeah, why?
- [35:09]
A
Listen, yesterday I was on a TV filming with one of our friends, David Meltzer, and I was a panel judge for part of it and our panel list for part of it and in the hot seat for another part and in One of the questions I. I fumbled the answer. I said, hold on, stop, give me a second. I need a retake on that while this is filming. This is not going to be edited out. Hold on a second, hold on. Now what I want to answer is this. Now, I didn't feel embarrassed because I'm okay making mistakes.
- [35:38]
C
Yeah.
- [35:38]
A
I'm okay failing. I'm okay. Whether it's public or private, I don't care.
- [35:41]
B
And it was more important for you to clarify good information than it was to just let it run.
- [35:46]
A
So. So the reason we feel embarrassed is because of the meaning that we give. Fumbling or making a mistake or failing. I don't give failing a negative meaning.
- [35:58]
B
Okay, let's talk about this because we talked about cold calling earlier. And I'll tell you, one of the things that I do or I do to get people over the fear of rejection on the phone is we value the no. Which means how many calls it take to get you to get to a yes. What is a yes worth? Take the value of the yes, whatever it is, and divide all those no's into it. And now every time somebody tells you to suck it or hang up on you or call your name, you just made 300 bucks. Whatever it is.
- [36:23]
A
You remember I said to you the chart, the thing that I had, I never finished it.
- [36:26]
C
Yeah.
- [36:27]
A
15, 30, 45. That was for all the calls that I made. Every time I made a call, it was worth 15 bucks.
- [36:34]
C
Yeah.
- [36:34]
A
Because I know 100 calls to make. 1500.
- [36:36]
C
Yeah.
- [36:37]
A
So it's exactly the same thing you just said.
- [36:39]
C
Yeah.
- [36:40]
A
I looked at 40 years ago.
- [36:42]
C
Yeah.
- [36:42]
B
But now, see, now you're sitting here telling me. And again, which is so great, I feel like I should be digging into. Why would you be embarrassed?
- [36:49]
A
That's exactly right. So I'm not embarrassed.
- [36:52]
B
So how would it. So let's see. So help me help the folks that listen.
- [36:55]
A
We have a lot of real estate people listen. The meaning I give anything causes how I feel the meaning I give anything. So if I give a meaning, example, I make a call, you know, a cold call. Or I ask a girl or a guy, or I do something and somebody vehemently rejects me and calls me a fucking asshole.
- [37:16]
C
Yeah.
- [37:18]
A
Okay. It doesn't mean anything other than they hung up on me. I failed. What did I learn? Failing, to me are lessons learned. I'm not a failure. See, there's a difference between failure and a loser. Failure and a loser and failure. And I'm a failure.
- [37:36]
C
Yeah.
- [37:36]
A
What I tried failed. The timing failed. The Strategy failed, the tactic failed. But the fact that I tried, I'm a winner.
- [37:45]
C
Yeah.
- [37:46]
A
So failures are some of our greatest lessons. Now the question that we can also ask ourselves is what did I learn and what can I do the next time so that I get the result that I want? Now, when we're doing sales, 100 out of 100 people do not say yes. Yeah, ever. So let's change the expectation, right? Maybe five will say yes. Maybe two, maybe three. Maybe one out of this hundred, you know, will say yes. Maybe none of them out of 200 and then 30 the next go around say yes right off the bat. So in sales it's a numbers game and dating, it's a numbers game in business.
- [38:27]
B
But I want to point something out about that though, that you just said. It is so hyper important to track your KPIs.
- [38:34]
A
Of course.
- [38:34]
B
To understand exactly how many calls it does take.
- [38:37]
A
Of course.
- [38:37]
B
If you look at my office where you walked into inadvertently, you walked into my personal real estate team's office earlier, there's a board up there that shows the active KPIs based on their calls, how many dials they have to make to get a deal. And it's based on the math of what they're doing in real time right now.
- [38:50]
A
Every success is all about specific predictable behaviors.
- [38:56]
B
Well, let me ask you this. So you know, I always think to myself, we went on a cruise many, many years ago and there was the kids talent show. My kids were in the kids club every day as they are and they go, yeah, come to the talent show. Okay, fine. So we go, and my son was maybe seven and then they go, okay, for our next act, Hayden Gafford's gonna do a dance. And me and my wife were like, what? So what? And my son comes out in front of all these people and he's jumping around like he's got epilepsy on the stage to Oompa Gangam style on this thing. And we're just laughing and we're recording it. It's awesome. And at the end of it I said, dude, how did that happen? Like, and they said, does anybody have any talent? I just raised my hand and said I could dance. And I've always said if I had the confidence of my 8 year old son, I could do it. So here's the thing. At what point do you, and I think all kids have that. So at what point do you think you lose that and why do you lose it and how do you overcome it?
- [39:55]
A
So let's dive into a little A little neuroscience.
- [39:58]
B
Yeah, I love it. That's why you're here.
- [40:01]
A
Was any human. There's been 110 billion humans walking on planet Earth since the beginning of time. Were any of them born with any beliefs about anything?
- [40:11]
B
No.
- [40:12]
A
Were any of them born with any fear?
- [40:14]
C
No.
- [40:14]
A
Or any of them born with a self image of self confidence of themselves?
- [40:18]
C
No.
- [40:19]
A
0. So we're born a clean slate. And we weren't born with any knowledge or skills. We have an innate ability to suck on breathing, cry, right, breathe, cry, you know, eat and shit and, and the rest is autonomic, you know, nervous system taking care of everything else. So we learned what to believe. We learned what to be afraid of. We learned what is embarrassing and what is not. We learned to be afraid of snakes or to take selfies with them. We learned to be afraid of flying or not to be. So what is that in the brain? Well, in the early years when we're born, there's something called the imprinting years. And basically everybody's heard, you know, when a duck or a chicken is born, the first thing that it sees, it imprints to that thing. So it basically matches and mirrors that it learns from it. Well, as, as children, you know, we, we, we hear. We don't even, we don't even see yet. You know, we learn how to see. Our eyes, you know, our brain does not see yet. So we're not born with any patterns that have been reinforced through experience. So we learn from our parents to believe what's good or bad, to believe whether, you know, we're good enough or smart enough or not smart enough from our teachers. I believed I wasn't smart enough because of my school education and doing so poorly in school.
- [41:44]
B
That was the only feedback you, feedback I had.
- [41:47]
A
So I had the report card, you know, I had the, the D's and the F's. If I got any grades, if I showed up, then I'd go home, my father would beat the hell out of me because I got, you know, poor grades, which reinforced I'm not very smart. So now I got it beaten into me and then, you know, I went back and repeated the pattern until I was 19. So we, we, we learn what is embarrassing, you know. So how do we learn? Well, you're on a sports team and you miss a basket, you miss a shot. You're on the spelling bee and you miss a word. You answer a question in class and you get the answer wrong. And your friends go, you're so stupid, right? You come home in some cases and a Parent tells you you'll never amount to much.
- [42:34]
B
That's.
- [42:35]
A
I know you, you, you can't believe that, but it happens. But it happens all over the world in almost every culture. So we, we start to develop these limitations from 0 to about 13. There's something called the neuroplasticity switch. It's the brain's on switch to create and reinforce patterns. Beliefs are patterns, fears are patterns, confidence is pattern, self image is a pattern. So we develop these neural patterns which become soft wired in our brain and they move into a part of the brain called the cerebellum, which is the, the habitual part of the brain. So I now develop these patterns from 0 to 13, 14. And then the neuroplasticity switch goes from mostly on to mostly off.
- [43:30]
B
Like, we're set, we got all the.
- [43:31]
A
Data and then, and then we are in the reinforcement pattern, the experiential years and reinforcement patterns. So now we look for the evidence and we reinforce it. Our brain doesn't care if it's the right pattern, the wrong pattern, the constructive pattern, destructive pattern, empowering you or it doesn't care.
- [43:51]
B
Well, let me ask this because, like, I have two kids, right? And as little kids, my son Hayden, fearless. Fearless with, with roller coasters or whatever else. My daughter Roma, same environment, same everything. Same, same everything. Terrified.
- [44:06]
A
Yeah.
- [44:07]
B
So what's the difference?
- [44:09]
A
You're assuming that everything she learned and experienced about roller coasters came from you.
- [44:14]
B
Oh, that's a good point.
- [44:16]
A
She's got friends, she goes to their houses, homes, she's got, you know, teams that she's on. She's got classes, she's got girlfriends, guy friends, and they all talk and they all share their experiences. Oh, my God. I went to, I went to the, to the park and we were on the roller coaster and, and there was a kid that came. You almost fell out off of there. And I was so scared and they stopped.
- [44:36]
B
Yeah, I'm not doing that.
- [44:38]
A
I'm not doing that.
- [44:39]
B
That's fair.
- [44:39]
A
So we, we learn how to react, we learn what to fear, we learn all that stuff. I've got two boys as well, 30 and 28 now, and I've jumped out of planes with them. I've, I've gone acrobat flying with them. I've, I've done paragliding with them, I've done diving with them, I've taken them on every excursion, they've tried every type of food so that I wouldn't have that happen.
- [45:05]
C
Yeah.
- [45:05]
A
You know, to my sons who are willing to try anything now, and they're. They're not fearless, but they don't allow fear to hold them hostage. So we become conditioned programming, and then our brain just reinforces the programming, which also leads to, you know, you're in real estate. I'm in real estate. When an agent, for example, or a salesperson or a business owner is used to making 50,000 a year or $100,000 a year, $500,000 a year. How many of them? 10x the next year?
- [45:37]
C
Yeah.
- [45:37]
A
Very, very few. Why? We have these cybernetic mechanisms in our brain, these set points. We have it for our weight, we have it for our relationships, we have it for our business, we have it for our income. And any deviation in the set point, high or low, like a thermostat, I.
- [45:55]
B
Always use the third. I use the thermostat. Always use the thermostat.
- [45:59]
A
Calibrates back to the comfort zone. So we might have a good month that we sabotage or procrastinate, you know, or we go on vacation.
- [46:08]
B
The real estate roller coaster, as I like to call it.
- [46:10]
A
The real estate roller coaster. But by the same token, for example, you know, when Covid hit, right. And people were, you know, disrupted in a. In a major way years ago, the people who had to figure it out. Figured it out.
- [46:26]
C
Yeah.
- [46:27]
A
Maybe you made a little bit less money in some cases. Maybe you made smash or you smashed it. Right. So. So there's. There's. There are people, for example, that because it's December, they think they can't make a lot of money. Let's say they're in sales.
- [46:42]
B
Oh, I love this. I love it.
- [46:43]
A
I used to. I used to have the best months ever in December.
- [46:46]
B
I will tell you this. This company, we have, the best month is December. And here's why. I'll tell you why. I have this thing. I have this theory that pumpkin spice latte is like anesthesia to realtors. Like, as soon as it comes out in October, they're like, well, you know, Thanksgiving's coming and then the holidays, and I'm going to start working on my business plan for January, they all go to sleep.
- [47:11]
A
Agreed.
- [47:11]
B
So there's nobody making calls. There's nobody grinding. There's nobody grinding. And the people. My team grinds like crazy. Crazy every November, December, and we crush.
- [47:19]
A
See, that's a philosophy.
- [47:21]
B
Yeah.
- [47:21]
A
That's a belief. My behavior. Listen, I learned that again. I'm going to go back 43 years ago.
- [47:29]
B
So it was the same then.
- [47:31]
A
So, yeah, I. I had my best months in December because my broker said to me, everybody goes to sleep during this time. And the people who are smart, that are the producers, they crank it out right now. Take off time in January.
- [47:44]
C
Yeah.
- [47:44]
A
So I used to work all the way through to New Year's, make the final deals for the end of the year. Take the first two weeks of January off.
- [47:51]
B
Because Jan.1, man, if you're on any type of a call list, it's like first day at the gym. It's like January.
- [47:55]
A
So. So if we go back to. But this is a mindset. Yeah, right. This is a mindset. But. But here's another piece that you're going to love. So when we're dealing with this neuroscience of success, this may shock some people. So pay attention, everybody, to what I'm about to say. We don't see reality out there. Second by second, our brain is constructing the reality that we already have in here.
- [48:28]
B
Okay, give me an example.
- [48:30]
A
So let's say you believe, okay, that December is a slow month. Your brain constructs a slow December and finds all the evidence for a slow December. Let's say you're used to making 10 grand or 15 grand, a month or a week, it doesn't matter. Your brain constructs all the patterns for that reality to show up in front of you so you don't see what there is to see. We see what we are conditioned and programmed to see based on our map and belief of reality.
- [49:05]
B
So I know, look, you. You were featured on the Secret, and that came out. So this is obviously now we're getting into the law of attraction. We're getting metaphysical stuff, which I love. I think it's great. Your first book, I think, was the one for vision boards, correct?
- [49:18]
A
No. First book was called Having it All.
- [49:19]
B
Having It All.
- [49:20]
A
That became a New York Times bestseller.
- [49:21]
B
And then the. When was the vision Book?
- [49:23]
A
The Vision board book was the third book. The second book was called the Answer how to Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom Or Live an Extraordinary Life. Life. The third book was the Vision Board.
- [49:32]
B
The Vision Board.
- [49:33]
A
Yeah. So it was the Vision Board Kit is what it's called.
- [49:36]
B
The reason I bring that up is because I'm guessing that the best way to change your construct or your belief or your view is through tools like vision boards.
- [49:44]
A
Well, you. You use the vision board. So if we think about, like, vision boards are a waste of time on their own. What's the purpose of a vision board? Well, it's a picture representation of a goal of a vision. What's the purpose of, you know, a pilot having the coordinates of where she wants the plane to land the city.
- [50:11]
C
Yeah.
- [50:11]
B
You have to have a map.
- [50:13]
A
Well, you got to have the destination first and then you build the map towards it. If you're. You said you were just on a cruise. What if the captain, when you hopped on the cruise says, everyone, we're just going to be sailing around for seven days.
- [50:25]
B
Then we'd be on Carnival.
- [50:26]
A
You're like.
- [50:29]
B
I don't know what they do.
- [50:30]
A
Yeah, yeah, right. So. So the vision board is an instruction to your brain of this is what it looks like, okay? This is the house, this is the car, this is the business, this is the income, this is the charity, this is the time off, this is the vacation. It's the clarity for your brain to have a coordinate to lock and load in on.
- [50:53]
B
Well, the thing I wanted to bring up about it is I. Look, I've never been a vision board guy, right. I just, it seems silly to me to sit with the magazines and cut the stuff up and look at this blah, blah. Until now with chat gbt, I am all about it because you can make such specific images that are hyper real. If you go to my gym, in my house, right there on the, on the big mirror, I've got four images that I look at every day and I feel like, what achievement? One is bestseller. My book one is a lawsuit settling. And it's a picture of the settlement and the amount that I'm owed. And I mean all this stuff. And I'm a believer, man. And I think being really specific with that, the more specific you can be, the better off it is.
- [51:36]
A
Listen, do you have a goal for, you know, your volume of real estate for the year?
- [51:42]
B
Yeah, we owe every year. We have a goal.
- [51:43]
A
Why?
- [51:44]
B
Why do we have a goal?
- [51:45]
A
You just let them do what they want to do.
- [51:47]
B
Because if you don't measure it, it doesn't get better.
- [51:50]
A
But you have to have a target to measure.
- [51:52]
C
Yes.
- [51:52]
A
And the more clear you are on the target, you can say, here's the number of listings we need, here's the number of sales we need, here's the number of agents we need to help achieve that. And if we do that, then it allows us, you know, to be the number one or two real estate company in Vegas. And it allows the agents to live great lives, allows us to take care of the community and to do the charitable things we want to do. Community, to serve the community. It allows us to invest in real estate, allows us to invest our money in our community and to feed, you know, the other members of community and that makes us feel good because we can do things for the charities here that make a difference. And so we have this vision. Yeah, well, so the money is the vehicle, the activities are the vehicles to achieving the vision. So a vision board just gives your occipital lobe the biggest part of your brain, a picture of what the completion looks like. Listen, real estate, you don't go to a builder and say, build me a house.
- [52:54]
B
No, you pick everything out, do the.
- [52:55]
A
Plans well, and then you have a schematic, you have a blueprint.
- [52:59]
B
You have everything.
- [53:00]
A
So a vision board is just a blueprint of what it looks like upon completion. And then we back off from the vision board and we say, okay, what are the steps towards that? Yeah, and then we said, then we set some goals towards that. Right. And then we develop the strategies to achieve the goals. And then so we think, we plan, we take action, we review and tweak the plans.
- [53:22]
B
I think I want to go back a little bit because I should have said. I meant to say this when you were talking about something else, but when you talk about limiting beliefs that hold you back and all of this stuff, I think if you boil it. I don't want to simplify this too much and tell me if I'm wrong, but it really comes down to fear is the. No, that's not right. Okay, then correct me there.
- [53:43]
A
No, fear is fear. And limiting belief is limiting belief. We're dealing with patterns in the brain that trigger circuits. And there's stimuli either from external that triggers a circuit or from internal that triggers a circuit. So I can have a belief that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, I'm worthy enough. And I can also have a fear of failing. I can have a fear of being embarrassed or ashamed. So the fear of being embarrassed or ashamed will override my knowledge and skills and feeling that I'm worthy enough and good enough. I'll give you an example. Somebody goes to Harvard, Oxford, you know, Pepperdine, unlv, whatever, and they got a degree. Good for you.
- [54:37]
B
And LV getting put in that category.
- [54:40]
A
They're a degree. You know, they get a degree in engineering, Got a degree in medicine, they got a degree in. In whatever. Doesn't fashion design, whatever it is. And then they ask themselves a question. I have the degree. I know how to do this. Should I open up my own business? Oh, no, I don't want to open up my own business. How come? Well, I mean, just so much risk, and I don't have the knowledge. I don't have the Skills. So now I have the, the degree I may not have the knowledge of skills or like I don't want to take on the stress or I don't want to fail. And because I have other underlying issues that override the knowledge and the skills and the belief that I, that I could do my job or career well. So that's why I say we have to really line up all the different pieces of mindset. So you mentioned a growth mindset before. You can still have a growth mindset and have fear. Right. So fear is a state that most people don't know how to override and change their state so that they are frozen in fear or, or they procrastinate or they self sabotage. They don't even know why they're doing it. But fear by its very nature is the sympathetic nervous system that is activated and the way it operates is fight, flight or freeze.
- [56:12]
B
Sure.
- [56:13]
A
Right. And most people don't know how to be aware of that state. And then how do I deactivate the fear circuit and turn on the motivational circuit?
- [56:23]
B
Yeah, because obviously you don't want to get eaten by a saber toothed cat. It's there for a reason.
- [56:27]
A
Worry about saber tooth.
- [56:28]
B
I know it's there for a reason.
- [56:29]
A
So there's nothing wrong with the circuit. That's like having an early warning detection mechanism in your car.
- [56:35]
C
Yeah.
- [56:35]
A
You're, you're driving your car. Do you like it when the light pops up on the dash says you're low on gas?
- [56:39]
C
No.
- [56:39]
A
Oh, you left. Well, but, but, but it's helpful.
- [56:41]
B
It's helpful, it reminds you, right?
- [56:43]
A
It reminds you like if the trunk is open, you're on the highway, you want to know that it's open. It helps, right? If the left back tire is, is got low air pressure, you want to, you want to fill that up, you don't want to get it flat. So we have these systems and this is where my work around inner size, you know, came in. That's why my fourth best selling book was Inner Size is how do I train my brain to feel fear and take action anyway? How do I train my brain to feel uncertain, have doubt, have worry and turn off that circuit. Like let me take better control over my own brain's functioning. And we're not taught this in school. Yeah, but every children, every child in kindergarten and grade school should be taught self talk makes a difference. Self talk activates the focus lens by which you see the world and yourself. Emotional regulation is just a skill to turn off doubt, fear, worry, stress, anxiety, panic, and turn on confidence, certainty, motivation. Okay? And taking action. These are circuits, two different circuits in the brain that, that operate either together or oppose each other. And so, for example, you know, Wim Hof brought, you know, breathing onto the circuit, you know, a few years ago, right.
- [57:59]
B
Ice baths.
- [58:00]
A
Ice baths and breathing.
- [58:02]
C
Right.
- [58:02]
A
Well, what he's doing, he's teaching people how to deactivate, you know, that stress circuit through ice baths to self regulate your focus and to get yourself to work from the powerful Einstein part of your brain instead of the, the, the Frankenstein's monster I call part of the braces. Oh my God. I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm going to freeze. I'm cold. I don't know how long I can stay in here. You learn to override that part of your brain. Well, why is that useful? Well, don't you have to override fear sometimes? Don't you have to override being uncomfortable sometimes? Don't you have to override your brain's natural propensity to keep you safe and secure and avoiding pain or discomfort? And the more we can stretch that boundary. Right. If you think about stress, right. What stresses you out may not stress me out. The stress circuit is only activated when the demand exceeds your current capacity. So how much tolerance do you have? How much patience do you have?
- [59:11]
B
A lot.
- [59:12]
A
How many no's?
- [59:13]
C
Yeah.
- [59:13]
A
Can you, can you get before you break? And for me, there aren't enough no's in the world to get me to break.
- [59:23]
B
Yeah, there's always another rep.
- [59:25]
A
There's always another rep. Right. So, you know, talk about, you know, real estate. One of the games we used to play because we have to make these 100 calls a day. There was Arthur Chang, Leo Ng, Dave, I don't remember Dave's last name myself. In the office all the time making calls. Oh, and Eve. And every day, like 4:30, 5:00 clock, you know, some of the agents would go away and there's always one of us. I learned this from Leo and, and vern. We're making 10 more calls. What do you mean you're making 10 more calls? We're only supposed to make 100.
- [59:57]
B
Doesn't matter. 10 more, right?
- [59:58]
A
10 more calls.
- [59:58]
B
There's always more.
- [59:59]
A
Make 10 more calls. Now it's 5:30. Somebody will say, yep, 10 more. And somebody would always raise the benchmark. So the people that were like comfortable, they left. And then 10 more calls every day, or 20 more calls every day is 100 a week, it's 5,000 a year.
- [60:21]
B
Yeah, you're gonna win.
- [60:22]
A
That's the difference between making 50, 60 grand and 250,000 bucks.
- [60:26]
B
Well, that was like, on. Was it the pursuit of happiness or whatever it was with Will Smith, we learned if I don't hang the phone up, I can't get an extra 2.7 calls or whatever.
- [60:36]
A
So. But. But that's a mindset, right? That's a philosophy. That's a mindset. And in life, you know, I find that people either do none of what it takes, some of what it takes, most of what it takes, or everything it takes. So if you want to. You want to win big, right? You want to win big, you want to escape the drift, right? Which are you? Are you gonna do everything it takes? That's me. Like, when I want to get in shape, I'm, like, all in.
- [61:07]
B
Dude, I was gonna ask too, because I saw. I saw a picture of you not too long ago just flipping through the Instagram, whatever, and I'm like, oh, there's John. He's in a pool. Dude. Seriously, this guy's, like, 60, and you're.
- [61:17]
A
Like, shredded 63 in a six pack.
- [61:20]
B
All right, so the question becomes, right, are you, like, this is not about what we're talking about. I'm just curious. Are you, like, macro counting?
- [61:27]
A
Are you zero?
- [61:28]
B
Nothing? None of it.
- [61:29]
A
I don't care. My. Don't macro count.
- [61:31]
B
Really? Because, dude, I, like. ChatGPT is my nutritionist. I take pictures of my food. It tracks my macros. It does all this stuff.
- [61:36]
A
The reason I don't is. It's amazing is I. Thank you. I, I know I need about 2500, 3000 calories a day. I'm a pescatarian. I eat, you know, greens, vegetables, fish, seeds, nuts, protein powders. So I, I know what I'm supposed to get.
- [61:56]
C
Yeah.
- [61:57]
A
And. And I know, I know my baselines. I work out, you know, six days a week. You know, before I went on my tour here in Vegas to come and see you, I was in the gym. You know, I had my protein powder and all my accoutrements for my protein shake this morning.
- [62:11]
C
Yeah.
- [62:12]
A
So I have pretty much the same diet because I've honed it in, so I don't need to focus on anymore. I know what my workouts are. I know. I know what that is Now.
- [62:20]
B
What about the peptides?
- [62:21]
A
Hold on.
- [62:21]
B
Are you on the peptide?
- [62:22]
A
I am on BPC157 and TB500, writing these down. And I'm also on testosterone and HGH.
- [62:28]
B
Okay. Because I, I, I do tessamorelin and testosterone Y. And I was going to ask you just because you're the neurological stuff. Right. I'm curious. Anything with Dihexa, have you looked into that at all?
- [62:39]
A
No.
- [62:39]
B
You know, but you know what it is? Yeah. Dihexa apparently is. Makes your synapses fire faster.
- [62:45]
A
Oh.
- [62:46]
B
It's a brain deal.
- [62:47]
A
So I have to look at it.
- [62:48]
C
Yeah.
- [62:48]
B
I just didn't know.
- [62:48]
A
If you text. Text me, please.
- [62:50]
B
Yeah, I'm going to. I didn't know if you heard about this.
- [62:51]
A
Yeah, yeah. So. So again, you know, 20, 25, what we're learning about the brain biology. Hacking cells, mitochondria. Right. Like When I was 243 pounds and 33% body fat, I was eating like shit. I was drinking alcohol. I don't drink alcohol. I don't eat refined sugar anymore. I got my diet honed in, got, you know, released 43 pounds of fat, clean, clear. I don't have a fatty liver anymore.
- [63:18]
B
Good for you.
- [63:19]
A
I got myself back into a state of really outstanding health. But it was deliberate. And what I didn't do is saying it's going to happen in 30 days.
- [63:28]
B
When you stop at the alcohol. How quickly did the mental clarity just ridiculously take? I don't drink a lot. Right.
- [63:34]
A
I was drinking a bottle of wine a night and yeah, it's a lot. Two, three, four cocktails and I was an alcohol.
- [63:39]
B
That's a lot. Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.
- [63:42]
A
And so 100 days was when I really noticed, you know, like, holy mackerel.
- [63:48]
B
Like, I feel good.
- [63:49]
A
Within two, three weeks, I could tell a big difference. I was sleeping better, number one.
- [63:53]
C
Yep.
- [63:54]
A
I was losing. Losing fat. I was. Had more energy. So sleeping helped me get more energy. More energy helped me do more things I know I should do. More self confidence, more certainty, feeling better about myself. And I was feeling okay, you know, this. It was picking up momentum.
- [64:12]
C
Yeah.
- [64:12]
A
You know, and. And I started this journey. Just so we're clear, 15 years ago at 48 is when I started the. I'm focusing on health and well being. And I made a promise to my sons. I was skiing with my. My two boys are like 14, 12 and 14 at the time. And I was on the chairlift with. With them. And I was on like run number three.
- [64:31]
B
And you were done.
- [64:32]
A
And I said to my son Noah, who's sitting next to me, and Keena was sitting next to him, he said, hey, peanut, I'm going in after this run. And he's like, papa, what do you mean you're going in after this run. I said, no, I'm tired. I've done a few runs with you. Like, I'm tired. He goes, you're always tired. We're on vacation, and you're. This supposed to be our time. And you say you want to go on trips with us and teach us boarding and skiing, and you're always tired. And I got mad at him. I said, no, come on, give me a break, man. Like, you know, I've been working. I give my story. I stopped myself. I caught myself. This got became aware. I said, hold on, honey. I thought. I thought. I'm sorry, Noah. First of all, I shouldn't be raising my voice to you. Second of all, you're right. I have been saying I'm tired a lot lately, and. And this is not fair to you and Keenan. I said, give me one second. I was thinking in my head, okay, I'm 48. He's 12. His brother's 14. Said, I'm gonna make you a promise. Now, I did some calculations in my head. Here's the promise. As soon as I get off the chairlift, I'm gonna call Ari, my trainer in San Diego. I'm gonna have him get a nutritionist for me. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get into the best shape of my adult life. And the promise I'm gonna make you right now is I'm gonna teach how to board or ski.
- [65:55]
B
Love that.
- [65:56]
A
Now, just so you know, I had to calculate that I would be up to 70 years old. 48. Yeah, he was 12. So I had to give myself some leeway. I hired the trainer, hired nutritionist, lost 40 pounds over two years of fat. Got into the best shape of my life at 50. My son is now 28.
- [66:17]
B
Your kids on the way?
- [66:18]
A
Not kids on the way yet. But he's finally. He's in a relationship, okay, where we have high hopes. That's the possibility for two and a half years.
- [66:26]
B
It's coming.
- [66:26]
A
So my calculation, I'm 63 now, so it might be 65, 66, 7. We were in there.
- [66:31]
B
Yeah, we're good.
- [66:32]
A
But it was the. The. The promise was because of not wanting to disappoint my son and not being the role model that I hoped I would be for them.
- [66:43]
B
I mean, I think that's the catalyst for any big change, though. You've got to find a. You got to find a. Why.
- [66:47]
A
The why was.
- [66:48]
B
It's bigger than your bullshit.
- [66:49]
A
Yeah. Why? That's bigger than my bullshit, bigger than my fear, bigger than my addiction, bigger than my, you know, my all that stuff. I achieved success in every area of my life other than that, in my health.
- [67:01]
B
That's amazing.
- [67:01]
A
And so I got into great shape and I've stayed in great shape and I just, just tweaking it.
- [67:07]
B
Yeah. Well, John, I, I know you got a plane that you got to catch for an hour and five minutes now. This is, this has been fascinating. I love this, this conversation so much. It's been absolutely fascinating. If they want to find more about you or more importantly how to help them with their brain because I know you got some apps, you got some programs, you got some stuff that you can really help people, how they find you.
- [67:26]
A
So listen, if anybody wants the bra, if they want to set and achieve goals, get my book. Having it all. Want to grow a business and understand the, the neuroscience and the strategy. The answer. Inner Size is my latest best selling book on how to really use your brain better, how to trust, train your brain for success. And I also have an app with over 600 brain training, visualizations, meditations, mindfulness techniques, affirmations for health, wealth, relationships, career, business, sales, leadership. And we have, those are audio trainings that I will be your inner size coach and I'll guide you through the inner sizes. And then we also have a video training section in there with world renowned experts on stopping self sabotage. You know, how to get rid of disempowering habits, how to master your emotions, how to stop procrastination. The app is like 100 bucks for a year on, on the app store. Go to inner size.com it's $12 a month or hundred dollars for a year and get yourself training your brain like you train your physical body to be stronger. Good for teens, great for teens, great for adults, males, females, teens. Train your brain for success in every area of your life. And all you've got to do is it's easy and it's fun. You put on the headphones, you listen to the inner sizes and let me guide you through the different techniques to refire, to rewire your subconscious mind where these patterns are so that you can have a clear path to being unstoppable.
- [68:54]
B
And it's so funny. People get so consumed with what they put in their mouth when they need to be way more concerned with what they put in their head.
- [69:00]
A
In their head. I totally agree with you.
- [69:02]
B
Get some health food for your head. Look at John stuff.
- [69:05]
A
Inner size is the drill.
- [69:06]
B
Well, man, thanks buddy. No guys, if you didn't get any out of that, there's something wrong with you. I don't know if maybe you have a limiting belief that you you need to listen to more podcasts. But listen, in most cases in life, if you're not getting what you want out of things, it's because you just don't really believe you're worthy of it. And I'm telling you, if you start believing in yourself, great things can happen. I'm living proof. See you next week. What's up everybody? Thanks for joining us for another episode of Escaping the Drift. Hope you got a bunch out of it, or at least as much as I did out of it. Anyway, if you want to learn more about the show, you can always go over to escaping the drift.com you can join our mailing list. But do me a favor, if you wouldn't mind, throw up that five star review. Give us a share. Do something man. We're here for you. Hopefully you'll be here for us. But anyway, in the meantime, we will see you at the next episode.