Introducing Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent

Summary

Podcast Summary

Dying For Sex

Episode: Introducing Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent
Date: June 25, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This special crossover episode features a comedic and fantastical introduction to Audible’s podcast Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent. Instead of a standard Dying For Sex segment, listeners are treated to a playful, scripted vignette performed by Kate McKinnon and Emily Lynne, joined by a series of colorful characters from the mythical Night Realm. The episode humorously satirizes royal decrees, modern woes, and introduces the zany setting and personalities central to Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Royal Decree to Listeners (00:02-00:34)

• Kate McKinnon, as Queen Mortuana, grandly interrupts the regular podcast to plug Heads Will Roll.
  • Quote: "We interrupt your podcast to tell you about a different, better podcast. It’s the podcast of my life, and it’s called Heads Will Roll, heir apparent on Audible." (Kate McKinnon, 00:10)
• Emily Lynne (JoJo) humorously walks back Kate's bombastic claims, describing the show as a "really funny show with great guest stars" (00:25).

2. Comedic Power Struggles in the Night Realm (00:34-02:44)

• The setting is established as an absurd fairytale kingdom with modern overtones.
• Queen Mortuana, JoJo, and "sisters in their 70s," the Bards, discuss the backstory of their return to power and their new life choices.
• Running joke: Queen Mortuana threatens beheadings for minor annoyances (00:53, 01:23, 03:02).

3. Mortuana Finds Work-Life Balance (02:44-03:02)

• Hildegard the Bard: "Mortuana has finally found work-life balance, she's leaned in and so have we. Wink, wink. We're getting laid a lot now. Our girls are on top and life is our soul." (02:44)
• There’s a cheeky nod to self-empowerment and sexual autonomy, mirroring Dying For Sex’s themes in a satirical way.

4. The Apple Farmer & Community Relations (03:11-04:20)

• The "Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer" petitions the queen but is met with the usual threat of beheading.
• Quote: "Thank you, sir. I think it's because I finally made peace with who I am, which is a single, childless, evil bitch." (Kate McKinnon/Mortuana, 03:48)
• The exchange lampoons bureaucracy and authority figures with warmth and self-deprecation.
• Mortuana expresses acceptance and self-love, albeit through her villain persona.

5. Arrival of the Supreme Ruler, Tempesta (04:41-05:35)

• Tempesta, Queen of Queens and ruler of the Federation of Scorched Earth, makes a flustered, dramatic entrance.
• JoJo is praised for her bird-body-positivity movement: "Bird body positivity. Now that is some money making bullshit." (Tempesta, 05:17)

6. Final Invitation & Audible Plug (05:35-05:43)

• The clip closes with a nudge to listen to the full episode and series on Audible—couched once again in Mortuana’s imperious, tongue-in-cheek style.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Off with your head. I’m kidding." (Kate McKinnon/Mortuana, 00:34, recurring)
• "I have a pap next week. Jojo, what am I gonna do about my pap? Oh, well, I’ll do it myself." (Kate McKinnon/Mortuana, 01:37)
• "You look younger." — "Thank you, sir. I think it’s because I finally made peace with who I am, which is a single, childless, evil bitch." (Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer and Mortuana, 03:43-03:48)
• "Bird Body positivity. Now that is some money making bullshit." (Tempesta, 05:17)

---

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 00:02 — Royal interruption by Queen Mortuana & JoJo
• 00:53 — Dispute with gynecologist son
• 02:05 — Introduction of the Bards and recapping Night Realm history
• 03:11 — Apple Farmer’s brewery petition and Mortuana’s self-acceptance
• 04:41 — Tempesta’s entrance and corporate queen hierarchy
• 05:35 — Clip ends; call to action for Audible

---

Tone & Style

• Comedic, irreverent, whimsical.
• Heavily reliant on theatrical delivery and over-the-top character interactions.
• Modern concerns (work-life, empowerment, bureaucracy) refracted through a satirical, medieval fantasy lens.
• Frequent asides and meta-humor.

---

This episode serves as a zany introduction to Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent, matching the energy and humor of Dying For Sex while introducing listeners to Audible’s new scripted comedy universe.

Transcript

[Kate McKinnon]

You there. Tis I, Queen Mortuana of the Night Realm, aka Kate McKinnon and her raven

[Emily Lynne]

minion, JoJo, aka Emily Lynn.

[Kate McKinnon]

We interrupt your podcast to tell you about a different, better podcast. It's the podcast of my life, and it's called Heads Will Roll, heir apparent on Audible. And I can guarantee that it will fix all of your personal problems and make you a millionaire.

[Emily Lynne]

No, we can't do false advertising. It's more just like a really funny show with great guest stars like Richard Ky, Carrie Coon, Jimmy Fallon, at all.

[Kate McKinnon]

Listen now, exclusively on Audible. And download the Audible app today or off with your head. I'm kidding. You there. Approach your queen. What is it you see, ma', am, I.

[Hildegard the Bard]

Silence.

[Kate McKinnon]

That was a rhetorical question. Everyone knows that anyone who dares petition me, Queen Mortuana of the Night Realm, shall be put to death. And you, you acneed male teen, you have the nerve to approach me on a Monday morning before I've had my eggs. For your insolence, for your gall, for your floppy hair and your CAS vibe, I say to you, off with your head.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

No.

[Kate McKinnon]

Oh, fuck. That was my gynecologist son. God damn it. Oh, I knew he'd look familiar. Jojo, had you clocked that?

[Hildegard the Bard]

I had.

[Kate McKinnon]

I have a pap next week. Jojo, what am I gonna do about my pap? Oh, well, I'll do it myself.

[Hildegard the Bard]

Prepare the stirrups. Excuse me. Hello. I'm Hildegard the Bard.

[Emily Lynne]

Oh, and I'm Ermengarde the Bard.

[Hildegard the Bard]

And we are sisters in our 70s. We sing the tales of castles and realms of old. You may remember the tale of Mortuana of the night Realm, an evil queen in total be and her raven minion, Jojo, once a hot teen princess, now cursed to be a 30 year old bird. Now, it was some years ago that they relinquished the kingdom to live in the woods. But they immediately got bored as f. And now they're back, baby, and they are feeling themselves. Jojo the raven has taken that bird body.

[Emily Lynne]

Oh, and she turned it into a brat.

[Hildegard the Bard]

And Mortuana has finally found work. Life, balance, she's leaned in and so have we. Wink, wink. We're getting laid a lot now. Our girls are on top and life is our soul. Everything's fine now.

[Kate McKinnon]

So what could go wrong?

[Hildegard the Bard]

Let's listen in.

[Kate McKinnon]

You, McQueen, what is it you seek?

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

I'm but a lowly apple farmer and I seek a permit to open a brewery. You know, cider on top, wood fire, pizza, cornhole for the kiddies.

[Kate McKinnon]

Oh, you know what? I don't like places like that. Off with your head. It's. Yeah, I get it. It's, off with your head. I'm sorry.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

Yeah, you're right. It's stick. And a tired one at that. Anyway, before I get beheaded, I got to say, it's good to have you back.

[Kate McKinnon]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

Forgive me for saying this, but you look younger.

[Kate McKinnon]

Thank you, sir. I think it's because I finally made peace with who I am, which is a single, childless, evil bitch.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

That's great.

[Kate McKinnon]

And you know what? I love it. So with that, I say to you, my good man, off with your hand.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

No. Are you kidding me? Are you serious? Oh, McQueen, thank you so much. Keep crushing it. Yeah. Ew. Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Kate McKinnon]

Have a good one.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

That hurts, though.

[Emily Lynne]

Wow, Mo, you are just giving off light and joy and people see it. I know.

[Kate McKinnon]

I feel like I finally found inner peace and things will be good now.

[Hildegard the Bard]

Forever.

[Emily Lynne]

Dolphin at Lee. Oh, my God.

[Kate McKinnon]

Oh, I spoke to someone.

[Emily Lynne]

What is this hullabaloo and fanfare? It's.

[Kate McKinnon]

It's my ball.

[Tempesta]

Hi, it's Tempesta.

[Kate McKinnon]

I know.

[Emily Lynne]

Sorry, I'm on a call.

[Tempesta]

Yes, kill all of the dogs. Yeah, okay, I'll talk to you later. Sorry, that was my son. I'm here. Surprise. Yes.

[Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer]

Yes.

[Kate McKinnon]

And what a blessing you are. Tempesta, this is Jojo, my Raven Minion. Jojo, this is Tempesta, Queen of Queens, ruler of the Federation of Scorched Earth, and technically my boss, who usually leaves me alone, but is, for some reason, here now. Which is. What is the reason? Oh, God.

[Hildegard the Bard]

Oh, wow.

[Emily Lynne]

I've heard so much about you. You are a presence among us, Jojo.

[Tempesta]

I read your book. I mean, I read about it. Bird Body positivity. Now that is some money making bullshit.

[Emily Lynne]

Exactly. Thank you.

[Tempesta]

Anyway, so, Mo, I came to tell you that we're obsessed with you and we think the Night Realm could be one of our top realms.

[Kate McKinnon]

That was a clip from the first episode of Heads Will Roll, Heir Apparent.

[Hildegard the Bard]

It was good.

[Emily Lynne]

Listen to the rest of it on Audible.

[Kate McKinnon]

Download the Audible app and sign up for a 30 day free trial today or off with your head. Just kidding. It.