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Kate McKinnon
You there. Tis I, Queen Mortuana of the Night Realm, aka Kate McKinnon and her raven
Emily Lynne
minion, JoJo, aka Emily Lynn.
Kate McKinnon
We interrupt your podcast to tell you about a different, better podcast. It's the podcast of my life, and it's called Heads Will Roll, heir apparent on Audible. And I can guarantee that it will fix all of your personal problems and make you a millionaire.
Emily Lynne
No, we can't do false advertising. It's more just like a really funny show with great guest stars like Richard Ky, Carrie Coon, Jimmy Fallon, at all.
Kate McKinnon
Listen now, exclusively on Audible. And download the Audible app today or off with your head. I'm kidding. You there. Approach your queen. What is it you see, ma', am, I.
Hildegard the Bard
Silence.
Kate McKinnon
That was a rhetorical question. Everyone knows that anyone who dares petition me, Queen Mortuana of the Night Realm, shall be put to death. And you, you acneed male teen, you have the nerve to approach me on a Monday morning before I've had my eggs. For your insolence, for your gall, for your floppy hair and your CAS vibe, I say to you, off with your head.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
No.
Kate McKinnon
Oh, fuck. That was my gynecologist son. God damn it. Oh, I knew he'd look familiar. Jojo, had you clocked that?
Hildegard the Bard
I had.
Kate McKinnon
I have a pap next week. Jojo, what am I gonna do about my pap? Oh, well, I'll do it myself.
Hildegard the Bard
Prepare the stirrups. Excuse me. Hello. I'm Hildegard the Bard.
Emily Lynne
Oh, and I'm Ermengarde the Bard.
Hildegard the Bard
And we are sisters in our 70s. We sing the tales of castles and realms of old. You may remember the tale of Mortuana of the night Realm, an evil queen in total be and her raven minion, Jojo, once a hot teen princess, now cursed to be a 30 year old bird. Now, it was some years ago that they relinquished the kingdom to live in the woods. But they immediately got bored as f. And now they're back, baby, and they are feeling themselves. Jojo the raven has taken that bird body.
Emily Lynne
Oh, and she turned it into a brat.
Hildegard the Bard
And Mortuana has finally found work. Life, balance, she's leaned in and so have we. Wink, wink. We're getting laid a lot now. Our girls are on top and life is our soul. Everything's fine now.
Kate McKinnon
So what could go wrong?
Hildegard the Bard
Let's listen in.
Kate McKinnon
You, McQueen, what is it you seek?
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
I'm but a lowly apple farmer and I seek a permit to open a brewery. You know, cider on top, wood fire, pizza, cornhole for the kiddies.
Kate McKinnon
Oh, you know what? I don't like places like that. Off with your head. It's. Yeah, I get it. It's, off with your head. I'm sorry.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
Yeah, you're right. It's stick. And a tired one at that. Anyway, before I get beheaded, I got to say, it's good to have you back.
Kate McKinnon
Oh, thank you so much.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
Forgive me for saying this, but you look younger.
Kate McKinnon
Thank you, sir. I think it's because I finally made peace with who I am, which is a single, childless, evil bitch.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
That's great.
Kate McKinnon
And you know what? I love it. So with that, I say to you, my good man, off with your hand.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
No. Are you kidding me? Are you serious? Oh, McQueen, thank you so much. Keep crushing it. Yeah. Ew. Oh. Oh, yeah.
Kate McKinnon
Have a good one.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
That hurts, though.
Emily Lynne
Wow, Mo, you are just giving off light and joy and people see it. I know.
Kate McKinnon
I feel like I finally found inner peace and things will be good now.
Hildegard the Bard
Forever.
Emily Lynne
Dolphin at Lee. Oh, my God.
Kate McKinnon
Oh, I spoke to someone.
Emily Lynne
What is this hullabaloo and fanfare? It's.
Kate McKinnon
It's my ball.
Tempesta
Hi, it's Tempesta.
Kate McKinnon
I know.
Emily Lynne
Sorry, I'm on a call.
Tempesta
Yes, kill all of the dogs. Yeah, okay, I'll talk to you later. Sorry, that was my son. I'm here. Surprise. Yes.
Gynecologist Son / Apple Farmer
Yes.
Kate McKinnon
And what a blessing you are. Tempesta, this is Jojo, my Raven Minion. Jojo, this is Tempesta, Queen of Queens, ruler of the Federation of Scorched Earth, and technically my boss, who usually leaves me alone, but is, for some reason, here now. Which is. What is the reason? Oh, God.
Hildegard the Bard
Oh, wow.
Emily Lynne
I've heard so much about you. You are a presence among us, Jojo.
Tempesta
I read your book. I mean, I read about it. Bird Body positivity. Now that is some money making bullshit.
Emily Lynne
Exactly. Thank you.
Tempesta
Anyway, so, Mo, I came to tell you that we're obsessed with you and we think the Night Realm could be one of our top realms.
Kate McKinnon
That was a clip from the first episode of Heads Will Roll, Heir Apparent.
Hildegard the Bard
It was good.
Emily Lynne
Listen to the rest of it on Audible.
Kate McKinnon
Download the Audible app and sign up for a 30 day free trial today or off with your head. Just kidding. It.
Episode: Introducing Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent
Date: June 25, 2026
This special crossover episode features a comedic and fantastical introduction to Audible’s podcast Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent. Instead of a standard Dying For Sex segment, listeners are treated to a playful, scripted vignette performed by Kate McKinnon and Emily Lynne, joined by a series of colorful characters from the mythical Night Realm. The episode humorously satirizes royal decrees, modern woes, and introduces the zany setting and personalities central to Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent.
This episode serves as a zany introduction to Heads Will Roll: Heir Apparent, matching the energy and humor of Dying For Sex while introducing listeners to Audible’s new scripted comedy universe.