216: Piper, No! An Ill-Advised Hotline Episode

Summary

Every Outfit Podcast Episode 216: Piper, No! An Ill-Advised Hotline Episode – Detailed Summary

Release Date: April 11, 2025
Hosts: Chelsea Fairless and Lauren Garone

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1. Introduction and Missing Hosts (00:04 – 01:16)

In this pre-recorded episode, hosts Chelsea Fairless and Lauren Garone address the absence of Chelsea, who is out of town. They briefly touch upon the unwatched finale of The White Lotus, expressing anticipation and delayed reactions to its conclusion.

Lauren Garrone (00:27): "You may have noticed by the title that we are doing a hotline episode."

2. Celebrity Fashion Lines: Sarah Jessica Parker’s Bitten and Luggage Collection (01:16 – 07:46)

The episode delves into a listener’s inquiry about Sarah Jessica Parker’s lesser-known clothing line, Bitten, launched at Stephen Barry's mall store in the early 2000s. The hosts reminisce about the era when celebrities began mainstreaming affordable high-fashion collaborations.

Chelsea Fairless (02:55): "This was lodged so deep in my memory that I haven't thought about it since we started the Instagram account."

Lauren provides historical context, comparing Bitten to other celebrity collaborations like Stephen Sprouse for Target and Karl Lagerfeld for H&M, highlighting the shift towards accessible fashion.

Lauren Garrone (03:26): "While celebrities have had brands before, I think this was the era that really mainstreamed the idea that you could get something really high fashion from a kind of shitty mass market store."

Chelsea adds that Sarah Jessica Parker’s efforts with Bitten were part of her mission to make fashion more attainable, aligning with her personal ethos of authenticity.

Chelsea Fairless (04:34): "I genuinely feel like she does want, want to bring fashion to the average person."

3. Parker Posey’s Career and Memoir (12:06 – 16:45)

A listener requests insights on Parker Posey, prompting a deep dive into her illustrious career in independent films and her distinctive comedic style. The hosts recommend key films such as Dazed and Confused, Party Girl, and Waiting for Guffman, emphasizing her influence and versatility.

Lauren Garrone (12:22): "Now, I think the number one thing that you should know about Parker Posey is that she was in some of the most important and influential independent films from the 90s."

They also discuss her memoir, "You're on an Airplane," describing it as a whimsical blend of personal stories, how-to's, recipes, and collages, reflecting her creative spirit.

Lauren Garrone (16:19): "The book is full of not just personal stories, Chelsea, but whimsical how to's recipes and beautiful handmade collages created by the author herself."

4. Book Recommendations for Dark, Glamorous Fiction (17:20 – 20:50)

Listener Diara seeks recommendations for books with themes of tension, darkness, glamour, and psychological depth, akin to "My Year of Rest and Relaxation." The hosts suggest writers like Ottessa Moshfegh, Mary Gaitskill, Veronica, and Melissa Broder, highlighting their capacity to portray complex female experiences.

Lauren Garrone (18:05): "Perhaps Sex and Rage is a good place to start."

Chelsea emphasizes the importance of themes like female depression and unconventional sexuality in these narratives.

Chelsea Fairless (18:31): "All of Ottessa's books, I would read all of Mary Gaitskill's books."

5. Eva Mendes' Sponge Line and Skura Style Sponges (07:50 – 11:54)

A caller introduces the topic of Eva Mendes’ involvement with Skura Style’s sponge line, revealing her role in product development and marketing as a brand ambassador. The hosts critique the design aesthetics and functionality of these sponges, joking about their suitability and personal preferences.

Chelsea Fairless (10:10): "Ava discovered the company Skura Style, known for their sponges and what the brand calls their fade to change technology."

Lauren questions the technological advancement, while Chelsea humorously expresses disdain for the sponge's appearance.

Chelsea Fairless (11:05): "I like that, but the problem is I don't like the pattern."

6. Town and Country Magazine Evolution (57:00 – 24:45)

Caller Rosie shares her newfound appreciation for Town and Country Magazine, previously perceived as "stodgy blue-blooded." The hosts acknowledge the magazine’s transformation, praising its recent covers featuring figures like John Waters and its vibrant, playful content reminiscent of vintage magazines like Vogue and Elle.

Lauren Garrone (22:04): "It was delightful and just was wondering if you guys had any opinions on it."

Chelsea concurs, noting the magazine’s improved sense of humor and modern flair.

Chelsea Fairless (22:53): "I have bought a couple of issues in recent years. They did that really amazing cover with John Waters."

7. Eataly and Fine Grocery Shopping (24:38 – 27:31)

A caller questions why Eataly wasn’t discussed, prompting a discussion on high-end grocery stores. The hosts express their affinity for Eataly’s quality offerings but acknowledge its high pricing. They share personal anecdotes about shopping habits and the challenges of integrating luxury grocery shopping into daily routines.

Chelsea Fairless (25:12): "But I'm there to eat at one of their restaurants, not to grocery shop."

Lauren humorously suggests unconventional methods to incorporate Eataly purchases, like sneaking wine into movies.

Lauren Garrone (27:23): "You could look for the brand on the realreal as well."

8. Displaying a Barbie Collection: Etiquette and Tips (27:37 – 30:31)

Subaru Manhattan seeks advice on displaying a Barbie doll collection. The hosts share their own experiences, debating the appropriateness and aesthetic integration of Barbie displays in adult spaces. They offer creative solutions like integrating Barbies into bookshelves and rotating displays seasonally.

Chelsea Fairless (28:13): "I'm not most people, you know."

Lauren adds that the display can be curated to match home decor and seasonal themes.

Lauren Garrone (29:54): "You curate and rotate them per the seasons."

9. Dating Advice for Gay Men on Grindr and Relationship Struggles (30:58 – 35:13)

Maria from Brooklyn discusses her challenges with dating in her 30s as a gay man, particularly on Grindr, where she feels emotionally disconnected and encounters ethically problematic interactions. The hosts empathize, offering strategies such as expanding social networks beyond dating apps and fostering friendships as a pathway to meaningful relationships.

Lauren Garrone (34:10): "We need exclusivity on dating apps. If you are in an open marriage or open relationship looking for a third, get out of Hinge and Grindr."

Chelsea recommends leveraging social media to build connections.

Chelsea Fairless (35:53): "I think that friends of friends is the ideal scenario for meeting someone."

10. Revenge Tips: Wholesome yet Infuriating Ideas (37:00 – 40:40)

Jackie seeks subtle, non-malicious revenge tactics against her husband’s mistress. The hosts humorously brainstorm ideas inspired by the movie Amelie, balancing whimsy with annoyance. They caution against direct action, promoting the concept of internalizing revenge fantasies as a healthier alternative.

Lauren Garrone (38:43): "She did explain that unlike what movies and television have shown us, you rarely get to see the act of revenge happening."

Chelsea underscores the importance of allowing karma to take its course rather than seeking personal vengeance.

Chelsea Fairless (39:07): "Just because someone deserves revenge doesn't necessarily mean that you are the one that should bring it about."

11. Gala Outfit Shopping on a Budget (40:45 – 47:20)

Maria from Florida requests assistance in finding a chic gown for a fashion gala within a $500 budget. The hosts offer practical advice, recommending platforms like Norma Kamali’s website and The RealReal for affordable, high-quality options. They also discuss the importance of tailoring and shapewear to enhance fit and appearance.

Chelsea Fairless (42:16): "The first thing is Norma Kamali. Go to her website and search for gown."

Lauren emphasizes the value of second-hand shopping and strategic returns to maximize budget.

Lauren Garrone (43:46): "The RealReal is returnable. So buy a few things, return two of them."

12. The Hosts’ Smoking Journeys and Cessation (47:53 – 51:18)

A caller inquires about the hosts’ past smoking habits. Chelsea and Lauren candidly discuss the brands they've smoked, their experiences with quitting, and the challenges associated with various cessation methods. They share personal anecdotes, revealing vulnerability and offering relatable insights for listeners facing similar struggles.

Chelsea Fairless (48:20): "I've been on a journey with cigarette brands."

Lauren adds insights on nicotine patches and vapes as insufficient cessation tools.

Lauren Garrone (51:09): "If you're trying to quit smoking, you can't do it with a vape."

13. Sarah Jessica Parker’s SNL Hosting and New York Magazine Article (57:00 – 62:18)

A caller references an infamous New York Magazine article criticizing Sarah Jessica Parker’s (SJP) hosting of Saturday Night Live, labeling it one of the worst episodes. The hosts discuss SJP’s experience with SNL, her interactions with Lorne Michaels, and the broader implications of celebrity appearances on long-standing institutions like SNL.

Chelsea Fairless (58:04): "I didn't read the whole thing. I just searched Sarah Jessica Parker and skipped to the parts about Sarah Jessica Parker."

They analyze SJP’s portrayal and the reception of her hosting stint, concluding that the quality of the episode was more attributable to the sketches than SJP herself.

Lauren Garrone (59:17): "I think it's not Sarah Jessica Parker that made this bad. It is the sketches in the episode."

14. Taylor Swift's "Illicit Affairs" and Sex and the City Parallels (63:28 – 67:52)

Rebecca, a longtime listener, connects Taylor Swift’s song "Illicit Affairs" to the affair between Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big in Sex and the City. The hosts discuss lyrical parallels and character motivations, affirming Chelsea’s belief that the song draws inspiration from the iconic TV relationship.

Chelsea Fairless (63:28): "Further confirmation of something that I have always believed."

Lauren encourages Chelsea to engage directly with Taylor Swift about the song’s inspirations.

Lauren Garrone (63:42): "If you were ever to meet Taylor Swift, I hope the first thing you would ask her is, 'Come on, illicit affairs is inspired by Carrie and Big,' right?"

15. Hear Me Out Cake Trend (67:08 – 71:00)

The final caller discusses the viral trend of "Hear Me Out" cakes, where unconventional crushes are depicted on cakes. The hosts playfully critique and elaborate on their own unconventional "hear me out" choices, blending humor with personal anecdotes about attraction and aesthetic preferences.

Lauren Garrone (67:22): "Because I feel like we're into ugly, hot people."

Chelsea humorously supports the idea by choosing Ghostface as her unconventional crush.

Chelsea Fairless (67:19): "Ghostface is fucking hot."

16. Conclusion and Patreon-Only Content (71:00 – End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the richness of the hotline calls, praising the diverse topics and personal connections. They tease forthcoming Patreon-exclusive content, particularly an Sex and the City themed hotline episode, encouraging listeners to engage and contribute their own stories.

Chelsea Fairless (68:18): "Call in. Don't be discouraged if your call wasn't played, it might be played later."

Lauren Garrone (68:18): "Ooh, sounds like an episode for my maternity leave if I've ever heard one."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Lauren Garrone (03:26): "While celebrities have had brands before, I think this was the era that really mainstreamed the idea that you could get something really high fashion from a kind of shitty mass market store."

• Chelsea Fairless (04:34): "I genuinely feel like she does want, want to bring fashion to the average person."

• Lauren Garrone (12:22): "Now, I think the number one thing that you should know about Parker Posey is that she was in some of the most important and influential independent films from the 90s."

• Chelsea Fairless (18:31): "All of Ottessa's books, I would read all of Mary Gaitskill's books."

• Lauren Garrone (27:23): "You could look for the brand on the realreal as well."

• Lauren Garrone (34:10): "We need exclusivity on dating apps. If you are in an open marriage or open relationship looking for a third, get out of Hinge and Grindr."

• Chelsea Fairless (37:32): "But I totally understand the impulse."

• Lauren Garrone (43:46): "The RealReal is returnable. So buy a few things, return two of them."

• Lauren Garrone (51:09): "If you're trying to quit smoking, you can't do it with a vape."

• Lauren Garrone (59:17): "I think it's not Sarah Jessica Parker that made this bad. It is the sketches in the episode."

• Lauren Garrone (63:42): "If you were ever to meet Taylor Swift, I hope the first thing you would ask her is, 'Come on, illicit affairs is inspired by Carrie and Big,' right?"

• Chelsea Fairless (67:19): "Ghostface is fucking hot."

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Final Thoughts

Episode 216 showcases Every Outfit hosts Chelsea Fairless and Lauren Garrone engaging with a variety of listener calls, ranging from fashion nostalgia and celebrity ventures to personal relationship struggles and pop culture analyses. The blend of humor, insightful commentary, and relatable advice underscores the podcast’s unique position at the intersection of fashion and personal discourse. Listeners are encouraged to participate actively, with promises of exclusive content for dedicated patrons.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Chelsea Fairless]

I spent $40,000 on shoes.

[Lauren Garone]

What's the matter, Morty?

[Caller]

Great gowns. Beautiful gowns.

[Lauren Garone]

Fashion has changed. No, it hasn't. Hi, I'm Lauren Garone.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And I'm Chelsea Fairless.

[Lauren Garone]

And welcome back to another episode of the Every Outfit podcast. You may have noticed by the title that we are doing a hotline episode. I feel like I need to acknowledge why Chelsea is out of town this week. So we are pre recording this episode. And the bummer about that is we cannot talk about what has happened on the White Lotus finale because we haven't seen it yet. But I would like to give our opinion anyway. Chelsea, can you believe what happened in that last episode? That was crazy.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. I was a little disappointed, actually.

[Lauren Garone]

And there you go, our preemptive White Lotus commentary.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, I've been loving this season, so I assume it was major.

[Lauren Garone]

Only time will tell, and by the time you get back, it will be old news. So anyway, let's hop into the calls.

[Caller]

I'm a big fan of you guys. Been listening to the POD since day one. I. I don't think you've ever spoken about this on the POD before, but curious to know if you guys remember Sarah Jessica Parker's clothing line, Bitten. That was at Stephen Barry's, one of those early 2000 mall stores. It was pretty cheap, but I just remember wanting the whole line when I was younger. But would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks.

[Lauren Garone]

Do I remember Sarah Jessica Parker's clothing line, Bitten? Vaguely. I do get her perfume. Lovely. And this Stephen Barry clothing line. Confused.

[Chelsea Fairless]

This was lodged so deep in my memory that I haven't thought about it since we started the Instagram account, which was a long time ago now. I still don't know what Stephen Barry is. Stephen Barry's.

[Lauren Garone]

It seems to be two men's names, Steve and Barry. To be fair to us, the existence of this brand has kind of been scrubbed from the Internet and only exists as a distant memory to us. But I was able to find a clip of Sarah Jiska Parker discussing the collection.

[Caller]

The idea of working for and with.

[Lauren Garone]

Steven Barry, the company, I thought it was extraordinary. I just didn't understand how a company.

[Caller]

Exists with their philosophy.

[Lauren Garone]

It didn't seem doable because you're so.

[Caller]

Ingrained to think that you can't get quality and have it be affordable.

[Lauren Garone]

It was a completely new way of thinking. I loved this philosophy.

[Caller]

I loved the idea of quality, affordable clothing for everybody.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Can I put Bitten in a historical context really quick?

[Lauren Garone]

Of course.

[Chelsea Fairless]

This was 2007 in 2002, Stephen Sprouse does his line for Target. The Isaac Mizrahi for Target stuff follows. And then in 2004, we have the watershed moment that was Karl Lagerfeld for H and M. So while celebrities have had brands before, I think this was the era that really mainstreamed the idea that you could get something really high fashion from a kind of shitty mass market store.

[Lauren Garone]

I was going to say this also exists in Sarah Jessica Parker history, this brief period post Sex and the the series, but pre the Sex and the City film, where I feel like she really made an effort to distance herself from Carrie Bradshaw and the rampant luxury over consumption the show had brought to the mainstream. Because I remember every endeavor she did at this time was all about affordability. So much so, Chelsea, that one of the taglines for this collection was fashion you could afford to love.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, one character trait of Sarah Jessica Parker that we've talked about before is her wanting to keep it real. Whether that's her carrying a canvas tote bag instead of an expensive handbag or taking the subway, this is part of a larger effort to be a normal person.

[Lauren Garone]

Yes. Despite the fact that she lives in two townhouses that were constructed into one large, gigantic townhouse.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sure. But I genuinely feel like she does want, want to bring fashion to the average person.

[Lauren Garone]

Very true. So the only other text supporting the existence of this line is from a woman named Irene Newman, who was the women's design director at Steven Berry's at the time. And according to her website, she, quote, oversaw all aspects of concept, color, silhouette, fabrication, production and marketing for the line. She also goes on to say that she worked directly with Sarah Descin Parker to bring her ideas into this wearable, fantastic, affordable clothing brand. And really her website is the only place that you can find images of the marketing of this clothing brand.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Or like Poshmark.

[Lauren Garone]

Yeah, there's like a handful of Poshmark listings for this brand. It only had one season. I can't say if it was successful or not because the following year Stephen Barry closed, I assume due to the great financial crash of 2008, not because.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Of the existence of Bitten by Sarah Jessica Parker.

[Lauren Garone]

That's what I choose to believe.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, look, there's not much to talk about in terms of the clothing. I think it is pretty aligned with the kind of clothes that you would buy at Target or TJ Maxx or any mass market retailer at the time.

[Lauren Garone]

It really, in looking back at the large floral prints on a little tea length dress, it is g late Bush administration, early Barack Obama administration.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, for sure. But to bring it back to Tina Fey. And that's why we started talking about celebrity side hustles to begin with. Right. Because her whole thing is celebrities aren't qualified to give us these products. I do think that Sarah Jessica Parker is a little different, I do think, because the way she dresses has been so influential, I feel like she is qualified for things pertaining to fashion and shoes, certainly.

[Lauren Garone]

Yeah. You know, when it extends to wine and cheese, perhaps it gets a little more into Tina Fey's point.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, exactly. Although, Lauren, I was shocked to discover a Sarah Jessica Parker side hustle that I did not know existed this past weekend. So I went to Houston, and during the trip I acquired some stuff. I had to buy a suitcase to transport it back to Los Angeles. So I just like went on Postmates, went to Staples to buy a suitcase to get it sent to the hotel room. Sarah Jessica Parker has a line of luggage. And no, it is not the collab with Samsonite that she had done previously.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh, see, that's what I was gonna say. We saw that on Oprah's Favorite Things one year.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, she has her own line of luggage. I don't know where it's sold beyond Staples, but I almost bought this like, hot pink hard shell suitcase with a big heart that says S. But it was $89 that I found like a, you know, $59 suitcase instead. But I almost did get it just to give it to you as a gift. So that made me think, like, maybe Sarah Jessica Parker has product lines that we aren't even aware of. Like, there could be more.

[Lauren Garone]

Speaking of which, I think this transitions perfectly to our next call.

[Caller]

Hey, Lauren and Chelsea. So I was just listening to your episode where you're discussing celebrity side hustles. And then all of a sudden I remembered one that is so bizarre to me. And I wonder if you guys are aware of it. And I also wonder if any other.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Fuckettes called in to talk about this.

[Caller]

But it's like Eva Mendez's sponges. Like, Eva Mendez, I believe. Either she's the face of this brand, or I think she created it where there is like a specific type of cleaning sponge. And that's it. Did you guys know about this? Yima Mendez's sponges. It's weird. Okay, well, love you guys.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Bye, guys. If the who weekly podcast won't play your calls about obscure celebrity brands, just call us, because we could use more calls like this.

[Lauren Garone]

This was a huge oversight on our part when we were talking about celebrity side hustles. A few weeks ago. Because while I was unaware of Eva Mendez's sponge line, I was aware of her other domestic side hustles in recent years. Because, Chelsea, I don't know if you knew this, but Eva Mendes from Training Day, the Women, A Place between the Pines has not been in a film since 2014. Her last credit is her partner Ryan Gosling's directorial debut, Lost River. And while she has vanished from the movie and our television screens, I know what's going on with her, because every few years, I'll be sitting at a doctor's office or in a nail salon, I'll be flipping through a People magazine and there'll be an interview with her about her clothing line for New York & Co. Or her bedding collection, Vita, which is sold at Macy's.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wow. She's what Tina Fey is talking about.

[Lauren Garone]

I don't know, because this sponge line did take me by surprise. And, guys, by sponge, we mean the cleaning product and not Elaine Bennis preferred birth control method. Kind of like with Bitten, where it has been erased from the Internet. It is very difficult to find any information about this line other than its official website. But I did find this clip from the Today show explaining the sponge line.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Thusly, during the pandemic, Ava discovered the company Skura Style, known for their sponges and what the brand calls their fade to change technology.

[Caller]

I tried everything, and I just wasn't.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Happy with anything because I always smelled them.

[Caller]

You do your dishes and then your hands smell or like you wipe down your counter and your counter smells. I was like, there's got to be.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Something better out there.

[Caller]

Ava started as an obsessed customer and.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Soon became a co owner, reaching out.

[Caller]

To the company's two female founders, Linda.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sawyer and Allison Matz, to get in on the action.

[Caller]

She now has her hand in product.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Development and design marketing and serves as.

[Caller]

The company's brand ambassador.

[Lauren Garone]

So how dare you, Chelsea. This isn't a Tina Fey side hustle. She is intimately involved in the product development of this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, it seems like she picked an existing company that had some technological advantage over other sponge companies.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh, Chelsea, did you not get from this clip the technological advancement of these sponges is that the pattern fades to let you know when to change the sponge?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I like that, but the problem is I don't like the pattern. I would sooner die than have anything that looks like this in my kitchen. You know, and I don't feel the need to buy a sponge that isn't a scrub daddy or a scrub mommy. They have my ass forever to me. That product is the apex of design and function, and I do not feel the need to look any further.

[Lauren Garone]

Also, Skura style does not spark joy to say either.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, but thank you, caller, for making us aware of Eva Mendez's sponge line.

[Lauren Garone]

I have been calling her Eva Mendez my entire life. No, but this NBC story is calling her Eva Mendez, which clearly is how she must want her name pronounced because it's an official press piece about the spongeline.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Us pronouncing something wrong. Unthinkable.

[Lauren Garone]

No. Anyway, next call.

[Caller]

Hi, Lauren and Chelsea. This is Paola from Chicago, and I wanted to ask for you to educate me on Parker Posey.

[Lauren Garone]

I mean, Parker Posey in the White Lotus finale when she did that thing and I was like, give her the Emmy.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Now, I think the number one thing that you should know about Parker Posey is that she was in some of the most important and influential independent films from the 90s. And she is one of the most brilliant comedic actresses of her generation. And she is known for a very deadpan style of comedy, for sure.

[Lauren Garone]

I first saw her as the overbearing senior girl who was hazing all the freshmen in Dazed and Confused. All right, you little freshman bitches.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That was pathetic.

[Lauren Garone]

I mean, love at first sight for sure.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And that was her first, like, big IMDb credit, I would say. And then she did Party Girl, which I actually watched a couple weeks ago. I think it's on Criterion or something right now. If you haven't seen it. It's about the struggle of a woman that just wants to wear Gaultier and party but she's forced to be a librarian.

[Lauren Garone]

It's giving proto Carrie Bradshaw.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But she was in so many good movies in the 90s. Clock Watchers comes to mind. House of yes, maybe her greatest and most unhinged performance. But I feel like if you haven't watched any of these movies, you should probably start with the Christopher Guest movies. Waiting for Guffman, Best in show.

[Lauren Garone]

Yes. And I think her best performance is typified in Waiting for Guffman.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I've been working here at the DQ for about eight months. Seven.

[Caller]

I don't know.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Something like that.

[Caller]

It's fun.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Just do the cones, make sundaes, make blizzards and put stuff on them. And see a lot of people come in. A lot of people come to the dq. Burgers, ice cream, anything, you know, Cokes. Just drive in and get a Coke if you're thirsty. I think about her every time I pass a Dairy Queen or a DQ also, you know, that shit is ad libbed.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh, of course. What I love about Parker Posey and I don't think that we have a film environment that allows for this anymore, but she is the type of character actor that works. And because of that, that has led to some very hooey credits in popcorn films like this woman has been in Blade, Trinity, Josie and the Pussycats, Superman Returns. She played a version of gale weathers in Scream 3. Who could forget that?

[Chelsea Fairless]

So good.

[Lauren Garone]

Obviously we think she's cool. And when we were living in New York, she lived in the same Brownstone as Chloe, 70. I mean, the coolest apartment building on the block. I personally love her in a movie called Broken English. I don't know if you've ever seen this movie, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I saw that.

[Lauren Garone]

It was written and directed by Zoe Cassavetes. Again, very Carrie Bradshaw coded. It's about a 30 something year old woman in New York who is dating all the wrong guys. And then she meets a handsome, mysterious Frenchman, if you like, before sunset beginners. Very similar vibe.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, also she's had a comeback recently between the Staircase, which she was incredible in, and Beau is Afraid, which you still probably haven't seen, right?

[Lauren Garone]

No, I'm saving that for maternity leave.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I just want you to know that she was incredible. Of course, the most insane part of the movie, which really says a lot.

[Lauren Garone]

Chelsea, did you know that Parker Posey wrote a memoir in 2018?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I did. It's called like you're on an airplane or something. I meant to read it, but I never did.

[Lauren Garone]

Yes, you're on an airplane. A self mythologizing memoir which is written from the perspective, I guess you're sitting next to Parker Posey on a plane and she's telling you about her life.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, she looks really good on the.

[Lauren Garone]

COVID The description of the book, which I love. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to talk to Parker Posey, star of the White Lotus, Party Girl and so many other favorite films? And the answer is yes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, I have imagined we would have so much in common.

[Lauren Garone]

Of course, the book is full of not just personal stories, Chelsea, but whimsical how to's recipes and beautiful handmade collages created by the author herself. We need this book.

[Chelsea Fairless]

We have to read that immediately. And caller, you have a lot of movies to watch.

[Lauren Garone]

Start with Party Girl.

[Caller]

Hi Lauren. Hi Chelsea. This is Diara. First time caller. I was actually calling to get some book recommendations from you guys a couple months ago you mentioned my year of rest and relaxation, which crazily enough, I'd never heard of. And so I went and got it and absolutely loved it. So I'm looking for more of those sort of tense, dark, glamorous and having nervous breakdown kind of books that maybe you enjoy. Thank you so much. Love you guys. Bye.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, this is probably obvious, but Ottessa Moshfegh does have other books that you could read that are great. I haven't read all of them, but I've read a few of them and she's demented, which makes me think that you want other books that are really sick and twisted and depraved.

[Lauren Garone]

I leaned more into the caller asking for glamorous women having nervous breakdown vibes. And I feel like if you're looking for that, we've got to go with the goat. And I must suggest Eve Babbitts.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sure.

[Lauren Garone]

Perhaps Sex and Rage is a good place to start. You know, waifish woman drifting through life, sleeping with a married man in Los angeles during the 70s. I have other misanthropic glamorous women books to suggest. But do you have some fucked up lady books to suggest?

[Chelsea Fairless]

All of ota's books, I would read all of Mary Gateskill's books. Also Veronica and Bad Behavior are the most famous, but my personal preference is because they wanted to. But you could really start anywhere with her. Also Melissa Broder, a parallel thinker to Mary Gaitskill and Ottessa Moshfegh, I would say.

[Lauren Garone]

Which book would you suggest? I was thinking the Pisces I love so Sad Today.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I love the Pisces too. Milk Fed was also great. But I feel like all of these writers that I've mentioned are really great at writing about female specific depression and things like eating disorders and sexuality that is out of the mainstream, which I think are themes that carry through.

[Lauren Garone]

There's a book I found in a bookstore in London many years ago called After Claude. It's by a woman named Iris Owens. The book was Originally published in 1973, but the new York Review Books, which I trust them implicitly, re released the book about 15 years ago. And Iris Owens in this book, like I assume that the main character is a version of herself and it's like the Lee Israel equivalent of an Eve Babbitts. The book is about a woman who breaks up with her situationship and then desperately wants him back. Just does increasingly crazy things to get him back. I always remember this sequence where her ex is so frustrated with her, he lets her stay the night. And so in an act of revenge, she calls a locksmith to lock him out of his Own apartment.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Seems like a crazy bitch, but we love her. I have one last thing to note and perhaps this is a bit of a cry for help on my part. Ottessa Moshfegh recently wrote a book for Prada. It was called the Ten Protagonists. It accompanied that campaign that is out currently with Carey Mulligan, shot by Steven Meisel that is very Cindy Sherman esque and I guess she wrote a whole ass book that relates to these characters. But it was released in very limited quantities. Anyone can read it. Like they made it available as a PDF on the Prada website. So we can all read it, but I want the hard copy and there's nowhere to buy it now. I don't think it was ever on their website. So if anyone listening got this book because they are on the Prada PR list and are like I have it but I don't really give a, please consider rehoming to me because I will never be okay until I have this book.

[Lauren Garone]

I now see why you wanted to answer this call.

[Caller]

Hi Chelsea and Lauren, this is Rosie. I had a question for you guys. I was wondering if you have picked up a Town and country magazine lately. I did and I was very pleasantly surprised. It was recommended from an article in the New York Times about their editor and I had never given Town and Country a single thought in my 41 years of living until I read about it a few months ago and I got one for a plane ride and it was so playful and it was just a fun read like in the way that reading Vogue or elle in the 90s or like nylon and Jane in the 2000s used to be. Just fun. It was entertaining.

[Lauren Garone]

It was.

[Caller]

It was delightful and just was wondering if you guys had any opinions on it. I always thought of it as like a stodgy blue blooded thing, but I like it and would love to know what you guys think. You have the best taste. Obviously. The POD has saved my life many times. I love you. Bye.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I will admit I have not followed Town and Country super closely, but I agree that it has significantly improved. It has a sense of humor and a joie de vivre that it never had before to my knowledge. But I have bought a couple of issues in recent years. They did that really amazing cover with John Waters and they did a really cool cover that was all about the legacy of Paper magazine with like all of The New York OGs like Michael Musto and Candace Bushnell and Justin Bond and that whole crew which I thought was quite cool. Basically everyone that I see when I go On a trip to Provincetown essentially. But I appreciate the fact that they've tried to make it like a more fun Vanity Fair kind of vibe in recent years.

[Lauren Garone]

One thank you listener for suggesting this. I truly after the call I went to a newsstand which is increasingly harder to find. Oh, side note, the newsstand on Fairfax closed.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, like the one by John and Vinnies.

[Lauren Garone]

Yes, the one next to Genghis Cohen that's been raised. And the shopping complex next to Genghis Cohen is also completely being renovated. But it seems Genghis Cohen, one of our favorite restaurants, remains. Thank God, when I finally was able to find Town and Country at a newsstand. It is so delightful and I don't know if because it's blue bloodedness or its origins in a sort of blue blood culture because everyone has sort of aped quiet luxury and they're the og that they're just their instincts are better. Because you're right, that John Waters issue was incredible. It's certainly what we want to see. Probably not what the masses want to see. And that's obviously what Vogue is trying to go after.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, well I feel like they've made it appeal to gay men a bit more who always read Town and Country to begin with. Like it's either like straight women or gay men that were ever reading that magazine, let's be real. So why not make it a little more fun for everyone?

[Lauren Garone]

And when you put those two types of people together, you get us.

[Caller]

Hi there, long time fuckette here. I was just wondering why eataly never comes up in conversation. Like you guys mentioned Erawan all the time but I've never heard you talk about Eastley and I think that like it would be Lauren's Gosh Darn Jam. So why are you sleeping on it? Okay, thanks, bye.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Lauren's Gosh Darn Jam. Is this Sarah Jessica Parker calling?

[Lauren Garone]

Look good point caller. It's always erewhon this, Whole Foods that. What about Italy, the fine Italian grocer. And here's the truth. I do go to Italy quite often. Every time I'm at the Century City Mall in fact. But I'm there to eat at one of their restaurants, not to grocery shop. And that is mostly because I come to the Century City Mall which not to dox myself is not particularly close to where I live to go see a movie, usually with you. Then we go and have dinner and it's just on top of mind to then add grocery shopping onto the docket.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I usually buy a few things. I'm surprised you don't just buy, like, the cute olive oil or whatever. I'm so seduced by the packaging at Italy. But that's kind of the problem because when you start, it's suddenly $200. It doesn't matter what you get. Like, if you just get a bottle of wine and some olive oil and a bouquet of flowers, it's suddenly like a $200 situation. But sometimes I go there for specific things. Like, I get caviar from there.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh, very nice. Yes. Again, not to dox Chelsea either, but she lives far closer.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I live quite close to that Eataly, and I appreciate it. I'm happy whenever I'm there. I don't co sign on everything that Mario Batali has done, but he really put his whole pussy into Eataly.

[Lauren Garone]

He had to abdicate his ownership in Italy after the MeToo movement. And that New York Times article that came out about him. Rough and absolutely not great. Horrifying what he did. But his apology, some of the best in the MeToo movement.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wait, I don't remember it.

[Lauren Garone]

It essentially was. I don't remember everything that was documented in this article, but sounds like something I would have done.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Could have done a lot worse than that, I guess.

[Lauren Garone]

Every time I am in Italy, I do look around at the beautiful produce and the meat and fish, and I fantasize about, like, ooh, Paul and I are gonna have a dinner party and we'll come to Italy and we'll get everything here. And then that never happens.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, you could.

[Lauren Garone]

I understand. And this caller has pushed me to do this because it should be my gosh darn friggin jam.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Although, Lauren, you really have to do the grocery shopping after the movie because I made that mistake recently. I had my groceries, I tried to go in the movie, and these motherfuckers thought I was trying to, like, smuggle in food and alcohol. And I was like, no, I just went to Eataly because they do have.

[Lauren Garone]

An excellent wine shop. And the workers at AMC did have something to fear because, as we've noted on this podcast several times, they are terrible bartenders. So honestly, not the worst idea to go to Italy. Go to the wine shop, sneak it into the movies, and just drink some natural wine.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay. But as unhinged as I am, I would never, like, uncork a full bottle of wine. I might smuggle in a hard seltzer or something.

[Lauren Garone]

I guess what we're learning is that the one thing that the Westfield Mall in Century City doesn't have is lockers.

[Caller]

Hi, girls. Love you both Love the podcast is a question for Chelsea. What is the appropriate place to display one's Barbie collection? I recently happened upon some nice vintage Barbie dolls. Like we have like an Eliza Doolittle situation and a I Love Lucy situation and a year 2000 millennium Barbie with a crazy outfit. And I just don't know, like, what is the etiquette and decor tips for Barbie?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, as a huge fan of Barbie and collector of Barbie, I just want to say there's no appropriate way for an adult to display a Barbie collection. Because to be an adult that displays a Barbie collection, like, that's a deeply inappropriate kind of person, which I, and.

[Lauren Garone]

I believe your wife has sort of 86 your ability to display your Barbies.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I've always had big bookshelves and I usually disperse some of the Barbies within the bookshelf. That's what I've currently done. I think I have like three out in my house presently. And then I rotate them out. I don't have the whole collection out, although at one point I did. And this is really, really mental because I had like, I don't know, like 25 of them at the time. I displayed them on like, black stands, like standing up, so it looks like they're standing in midair. But then my bedroom was black, so it fully, like, you couldn't even see the stands. It looks like when you walked in, it looked like they were all standing upright, like possessed and staring at you. And I don't think there's a lot of people that could like, sleep or have sex under those circumstances. But I'm not most people, you know.

[Lauren Garone]

I mean, you certainly tried.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I wouldn't do it now. But I will say another thing. I'm not a big proponent of keeping Barbies in their boxes. I'm about freeing our girls. And I would put them with some other books or decorative objects.

[Lauren Garone]

Listener, I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but as someone that has seen Chelsea's Barbie collection displayed, we should also note that you curate and rotate them per the seasons. Like during Christmas, you have your Christmas themed Barbies out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, like, that's when I bring out the Dynasty ones, for example.

[Lauren Garone]

How many Barbies are too many Barbies to display?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Again, I think there has to be a level of acceptance because I think if you display more than a couple, it's freakish and you have to make a choice like, am I going to be the freak or am I not? And both are valid choices.

[Lauren Garone]

Yeah, I guess. At what point do you become. What was his name? Marty Mendelsohn, the guy that Stanford dates with the doll collection?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, you don't want to be like him. You don't want to be like Steve carell in the 40 year old virgin again. That's why I think packaging is not advisable.

[Lauren Garone]

You also decorate and curate based on your books, which are often color coded, so, like, the outfits will match a certain. You know, if it's a pink outfit, then it's around your pink books and magazine covers.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sure. I like switching it up. So depending on how many Barbies that you have, you could rotate.

[Caller]

Hi, ladies, this is Subaru Manhattan, and I'm calling because I'm in a quixotic quagmire. I'm just getting over my first real relationship. Long story short, I was in my late 20s, he was in his early 50s. It was strange, but it was good until it was bad. And it ended in a clash of bipolar disorder, wrongful imprisonment, AI Bot mistresses, and bunny shaped diamond rings. But that's a whole other story. Never mind. Anyway, I'm grappling two things now. Like, one, I'm going through a major breakup for the first time in my early 30s, which seems kind of pathetic, but also maybe a little cool. I just think that's like, kind of a uniquely gay millennial thing, because we just had less opportunity to have, like, normal human milestones, like when straight people did, like, in high school. So it just seems weird. And I don't exactly know how to move on or meet new people in my 30s outside of Grindr. And that brings me to grapple number two. Every guy on Grindr seems so detached from any emotional connection whatsoever, which is kind of par for the course for men and people on Grindr. But, like, also, they're all in relationships. Like, everyone I sleep with is literally happily married, and everyone knows this, and it's totally cool for everyone except for me. So I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel silly to think that I could still fall in love in my mid-30s, which is so fucking sex and a fitty. But I don't know, am I just being, like, too idealistic? It just seems like maybe I should just become a lesbian. I don't know. But I just wondering if you have any advice. Okay, thank you. Love you, bye.

[Lauren Garone]

A quixotic quagmire. Age gap relationship, bipolar disorder, wrongful imprisonment, AI Bot mistresses, you call her. And I know this is beside the point. Have a way with words. And may I suggest you channel this breakup energy into a book because I would read it.

[Chelsea Fairless]

This call introduced me to the fact that AI Bot mistresses exist. I was not aware of that, and I went to try and find one earlier today. There's a lot. But she didn't respond to me, like, in English, so I just kind of gave up. But of course that's a thing.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh yeah, there was a New York magazine, or was it the New York Times story recently about a woman who, like, fully had an affair with ChatGPT. Like, she fell in love with a ChatGPT boyfriend. And like, the gag of the article was only halfway through did you learn that she was married, so she was having an affair. On that point, I know we want inclusivity everywhere. And just as I was getting out of the online dating pool, this was becoming a thing. But I am sorry, we need exclusivity on dating apps. If you are in an open marriage or open relationship looking for a third go on field, stop being on Hinge and Grindr.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I agree. And call her. Your disillusionment with everyone on Grindr and everyone being in open marriages is completely valid. And it's something that I've heard a lot of guys that I know talk about. So you are clearly not the only person that feels this way.

[Lauren Garone]

To answer your question, will you ever find love again? Even in your mid-30s? The answer is yes. How do I know this? I acknowledge the dating scene is brutal, but there are other gay men out there that just want to be in a relationship because they have called our hotline before, which made me think, chelsea, should we start a fuck it dating service?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I think if anyone's single, they could make themselves known in the comments section on Patreon. Perhaps.

[Lauren Garone]

But what if this is not a Patreon fuckette? Is this why we need to have a discord? I don't even know what discord is.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know we really need to figure that out this year. You're right. I do feel like we should find some way to bring the Sex and the City fans together, since it clearly worked for you and Paul.

[Lauren Garone]

And I know that our single female fuckettes would love this. I will say I probably got the only straight guy that fucks with this Instagram slash podcast, but for gay men and lesbians, I. I mean, I think this is a fruitful place. We need to match them up together.

[Chelsea Fairless]

My suggestion is that you need to make some new gay male friends, because gay guys often have whole ass crews. And if you meet one new friend, you could maybe potentially have a thing with someone in their crew. And if you're like, how do I make new friends slide into people's DMs on Instagram? Or it goes without saying, do that to anyone that you think is cute. But I personally have met a lot of people through Instagram and through the Internet and that I've met all of their friends and it has expanded my social network significantly. And I do think that friends of friends is the ideal scenario for meeting someone.

[Lauren Garone]

I do agree. I think these are all great tips until we can get the every outfit matchmaking service up and running.

[Caller]

Hi, this is Jackie again. I just called about my husband having an affair, but I wanted to add, this is insane, but do you have any suggestions about, like, like, low grade revenge towards the girl that my husband was having an affair with the entire time? And I would never feel that way if she didn't know, but she knew about me the entire time. She sent me screenshots of their text messages. Like, this girl is awful and I don't want to do anything. I know I'm above that. But I was like, maybe there's, like, little things you could do, like an Amelie that are, like, sort of wholesome but also just infuriating. I don't know. But you guys seem like you might have ideas about that. And not to be too cheesy, but for real, like, your podcast helped me a lot through this entire process. And just, like, wanting to leave my house and just sit in my car listen to this. Made the past year a little bit easier. So thank you, love you. Bye.

[Lauren Garone]

So, a little backstory. As the caller indicated, she did call us previously, and her question was about when was the right time to put herself out there post divorce. Then she called back with this question, which is clearly the more unhinged and interesting question to answer. So we're going to do that.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But to answer the first question, the time is now. This guy cheated on you, so dating immediately or as soon as you feel emotionally prepared to date is the appropriate time. There's no inappropriate time. If you've been slighted like that in a relationship, you are correct.

[Lauren Garone]

The timing is now. But my asterisks would be like, I don't know about dating people. As the other callers indicated, it's brutal out there sleeping with people, getting some new sex energy in there, I think is a great first step.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, for sure. And first off, thanks for the Amelie reference, but Amelie revenge would be like stalking this bitch to Starbucks and then replacing her espresso with a hot chocolate.

[Lauren Garone]

I was gonna say first Off. This sucks. I'm so sorry this happened to you in the previous call. She also goes on to explain that her now ex husband was having an affair the entirety of their marriage. I personally feel like any revenge should be directed at your ex husband and not this other woman. But I totally understand the impulse. Now, here's the thing about revenge, and I'm not gonna tell you to not do it, but I just want to make you aware that unlike what movies and television have shown us, you rarely get to see the act of revenge happening. Like, you and your BFF aren't going to be hidden around a corner when she opens an anonymous glitter bomb package. And like, Natasha Bedingfield is playing in the background.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, why is Natasha Bedingfield played?

[Lauren Garone]

Because it seems like the correct music for. For this pranking my husband's current girlfriend mistress montage. Whatever revenge you're gonna enact, you're not gonna see the results. And that's sort of the whole point of an act of revenge is like, you wanna see it happen so you can feel better about it.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Personally, I think that just because someone deserves revenge doesn't necessarily mean that you are the one that should bring about that revenge. Because I do believe in karma. I do believe that something awful will happen to this woman. I don't know if you need to be the cause of that. As Taylor Swift once said, I keep my side of the street clean.

[Lauren Garone]

I don't think revenge is a dish best served cold, but rather something that should exist in your head because in your head. Go nuts. In your head, you can key her car without facing a misdemeanor charge. You can imagine your ex climaxing and saying your name instead of hers.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, this seems unhealthy.

[Lauren Garone]

She can grovel on her knees begging for your forgiveness before you kick her down a flight of stairs. That's all. A safe space to play out whatever revenge fantasy you have.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, my God, hire a dominatrix and just do a whole revenge scene.

[Lauren Garone]

What is this, a scene from Miranda July's All Fours? Having said all that, but you could give their personal information to the Church of Scientology and say that they're very interested in how to prove their life. Because I hear, again, I don't know from experience, the Church of Scientology is relentless and will never stop hounding their ass. But again, I think this energy should be safe for your ex husband and not this mistress.

[Caller]

Hi, ladies. Maria from Florida here, longtime listener. I'm calling because I have an event that I have to go to in May. It's A gala. It's a very fashionable gala. It's a fashion show for charity and everyone gets really dressed up. I think I'm someone that has great fashion taste, but I can't find anything chic to wear to this thing that flatters my post. Baby body on a budget. I am trying to spend under $500 and I'm having such a hard time finding something that I like. If there are any stores you think I should check out, I'd love to hear your thoughts. All right, bye. Flood.

[Lauren Garone]

I noticed that a lot of people that call our hotline either say, hi sluts or buy sluts. I'm not offended by it. I'm just curious when and where it started.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That's our outgoing message.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh, my God, it's been so long.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I forgot we should really change it to fuck it. But we recorded it so long ago that we didn't really have that yet. We hadn't established a name for the listeners. Oh, you completely forgot the voicemail message that all these poor people have to listen to.

[Lauren Garone]

Yeah, we really need to change that. I totally understand your plight because the problem with shopping for any formal dress at this price point, even a higher price point, is nothing is lined anymore. It is all of these unlined dresses making us look like trash.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I have been in this position before where you have to go to something black tie or, God forbid, white tie, and you have no more than $300 or $500 to make that happen. Truly a nightmare. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hell is how I would describe a situation like this. But I do have some advice, having been through it myself. The first thing is Norma Kamali. Go to her website and search for gown. You will have to experience some truly distressing E com photography and styling. You will also have to sort through a lot of deeply bizarre things that you would never wear in a million years. But once you get through all that, you will find a range of affordable options that do flatter different body types. I actually bought my bridesmaid dress for Lauren's wedding from Norma Kamali, and It was like 250 bucks, which I feel like was a steal. Second option. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but the real, real search for black gown. If you're just looking for something flattering, if you're looking for something that you might want to wear again in the near future, anything on the RealReal that is full price or less than 40% off is returnable. So buy a few things, return two of them. Because with vintage or with resale you can get well made things for a lot less money than you would have to pay if you walked into a store or bought something current season.

[Lauren Garone]

The answer is the realreal a good tailor and shapewear. On the realreal you can filter by size, price point and under dresses you can select gowns. The label Bernadette is above your price point, but on the realreal I think you can find something.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's still kind of expensive. On the real real though. I think it's weird. There's some brands I think like Bernadette, like Taller, Marmo that are kind of popular now, newish brands. A lot of people are buying this stuff for weddings specifically. To me the pricing is as if it's like Balenciaga or Dior or something. That's why I would just do a more like sort of wide swath and just weed through the results of different brands because you never know what you'll find.

[Lauren Garone]

Even pre pregnancy. I was someone who always wore a thigh support short as shapewear, especially with evening wear. So Huddy Love makes a great one. I'm not just saying that because we used to do their ads. Those have a pee hole in it, which is essential when you're wearing evening wear like this. But Spanx and Skims, they all make similar ones. I think that goes a long way, especially as I previously noted with all of the online dresses that exist today. We also had a call from the fuckette going to a wedding in Mexico City in May asking for a resort vibe wedding guest attire recommendation.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I feel like with Mexico City weddings the expectation is that you wear something kind of colorful or at least that's what I have seen on Instagram. Sorry if I'm oversimplifying things.

[Lauren Garone]

I think Norma Kamali is a good choice.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know, they don't really do like resort type things. To me it's always Poochie is the ideal, right? And unfortunately that's one of those brands that doesn't get that cheap on the RealReal if we're talking about like a caftan or a gown or something like that, but worth looking.

[Lauren Garone]

I also think STOD S T A U D makes really good dresses for under 500, under a thousand dollars. And I think the quality matches the price point. I just went on their website and they have their new spring summer line out or I think it's just spring resort actually. And it has for someone that doesn't like to wear a ton of color, as much color as I would wear there's like a linen dress with a kind of watercolory ombre pattern. They do nice floral patterns as well. Also, you could look for for the brand on the realreal as well.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, see, I'd go on realreal and look for dries old Dolce and Gabbana caftans, Poochie, Tyler Mormo.

[Lauren Garone]

And I know you're gonna laugh at me, Chelsea, but there is a sub brand within Forward and Revolve called Helsa.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, Elsa Hosk's brand. I think it's good.

[Lauren Garone]

I know.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I mean, they did fully plagiarize, like a Loewe gown recently, but, you know, it's fast fashion and I think the taste level is high.

[Lauren Garone]

Most of the clothes don't work on my body type. Chell, you might be shocked.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's like an Elsa Hosk body type.

[Lauren Garone]

You are correct because my hip to waist ratio seems equ incompatible with that of a model slash influencer's body. But she does make a lot of great, as you said, knockoff Loewe dresses. I did look recently. There are some Bobo Alaia dresses in like, yellow and lavender.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's a lot of Alaia. I mean, I think that's true of many of the Revolve brands. It's very like, let's find a way to make Alaia more affordable to y'all. But I do think the strength of the Elsa Hosk Revolve brand is the pieces that are that are a bit more 50s inspired, the flared skirts, the stuff that actually does feel quite Carrie Bradshaw adjacent.

[Lauren Garone]

Yeah. And I've noticed the price point. Many of These dresses are sub 500, sub $400. And having ordered many things from the line only to have to return it because nothing fits me, I can say that it's relatively good quality for the price point. Even though Chelsea and I don't wear this label, it is Lauren and Chelsea approved.

[Caller]

Hi, Loren and Chelsea. This is a really embarrassing call, but there's a question that's been on my mind ever since. And I've heard on the podcast several times that Chelsea used to smoke. And I've just been wanting to ask, what cigarettes did you smoke? I personally smoke Barbara Gold, which used to be called my Rollite. And I just hope you smoke the same because I just love you so much. And I. I would be really happy to know that I've smoked the same cigarette as you.

[Lauren Garone]

Well, Chelsea, are you going to disappoint this fuck up?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I've been on a journey with cigarette brands. The first cigarette I Ever smoked was Virginia Slim, because all of the marketing towards women apparently did work on me. But then I smoked Benson and Hedges Ultralight one hundreds for a really long time. Or like when I was in high.

[Lauren Garone]

School for the aesthetics.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. I just was into them, and they were a light cigarette. Right. I had just started smoking. It's. It's a. It's the Diet Coke of cigarettes. Or it was to me then, I think because of Sex in the City, I switched to Marlboro Lights because Carrie smoked those. Then in college, I had this weird phase where I started smoking Parliaments. And I did that for a while, maybe a few years.

[Lauren Garone]

I feel like the early 2000s, like when you would see celebrities smoking, it was Parliaments or American spirits.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I never fucked with an American spirit. I fuck with the idea behind American spirits.

[Lauren Garone]

What's the idea behind American spirits? Just the American spirit.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, it's a less toxic. There's less chemicals in an American spirit. It's closer to, like, natural tobacco.

[Lauren Garone]

You don't really believe that bullshit, do you?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, yeah, I do. After smoking one. It's very, very different from smoking like a Marlboro Light or another. Even a Marlboro red.

[Lauren Garone]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

The last cigarette brand I smoked and the perfect cigarette brand that I found was the Marlboro medium.

[Lauren Garone]

What color were they?

[Chelsea Fairless]

They're red, but they're lighter than just like the full. And then I quit using those Stephen Dorff approved blue E cigarettes.

[Lauren Garone]

I remember that.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know if anyone's trying to quit. I do think that cold turkey is probably the best. The first time I tried to quit, I did do the Allen car method, which is basically cold turkey. And I survived for a few years, then relapsed and then quit with the Steven Dorff cigarettes. I think those are good because they aren't good like Juuls and like the newer vapes, of course, are much more appealing to smoke. Blue cigarettes are disgusting, but enough nicotine to keep you holding on. But I can't imagine how anyone would want to smoke them regularly, like, as a lifestyle choice.

[Lauren Garone]

Yeah, well, my dad quit smoking in the late 90s, early 2000s. There was something called the Nicorette inhaler. And it was like a little plastic pipe that looked sort of like a fatter cigarette. And then you would just put a nicotine patch or something in the center, and then you would just inhale that. Which is even grosser than the blue E cig that Stephen Dorff was hawking. Because we're all adults here, stop. But I agree, if you're trying to quit smoking, you can't do it with a vape.

[Chelsea Fairless]

You can't do it with a vape of today.

[Lauren Garone]

No.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No.

[Lauren Garone]

So caller, you can rest assured at some point Chelsea did smoke the same cigarette that you smoke.

[Caller]

Hi ladies. Fuck it from Brooklyn here. I have a question about your close friends and family listening to the show. Not sure if your partners do. I'd be curious about that and family members I know. Lauren, you've mentioned a couple times that your dad listens to the show. I'm just curious if you've ever censored yourself because of people who might be listening or if you've ever gone back and edited something out saying, my dad absolutely cannot listen to this. Yeah, just be curious. Thanks.

[Lauren Garone]

Our partners do not listen to this podcast. They get this shit for free against their will. 24. 7. Why would they listen to the podcast?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I think Tat listens to like one in five episodes, but I wouldn't say that she's an avid listener at this point.

[Lauren Garone]

My parents listen to the podcast. My father, Andy Garrone Patreon Fucket at the Isabella Pair level, will listen as soon as the episode drops. Which is very disconcerting for my mother because like most boomers, he doesn't listen in headphones. It's just playing from an iPad. And my mother sometimes thinks that I'll be visiting the house when it's just my dad playing our podcast.

[Chelsea Fairless]

She's like, fuck, Chelsea's over.

[Lauren Garone]

It's only been more confusing because of the construction at the house. We're not recording there today, but we have been going to my parents house to record. I'd be so curious to know, do your friends and family listen to the podcast?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I would say about half of my friends do listen regularly. The other half probably listened to one episode and were like, fuck, this is annoying.

[Lauren Garone]

So some of my friends listen to the podcast, but I've noticed that they are usually a few weeks behind, which is absolutely fine. I've only noticed this because I will get text messages from them a few weeks after the episode airs commenting on something we talked about. I'm frankly shocked that they listen at all again, because my friends, they get this shit for free. Unwanted. So it's like, why would you go and listen to the podcast?

[Chelsea Fairless]

My parents do listen and I try really, really hard not to censor myself because of that. Although to answer your question, yes, we have cut things out in the past.

[Lauren Garone]

I was gonna say because our podcast is not inherently about our lives. Thank God. There is a natural boundary.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Not really, because it's like we're talking about Sex and the City episodes and all that relates to your life.

[Lauren Garone]

But often because we're talking about fashion or pop culture, most of the time our real life does not intersect with that. But of course, there are sometimes things, examples in life I would love to reference. And then I go, oh, shit, that person listens to the episode. I can't have them hear this more. The issue, and I don't know if this happens to you, is when friends of my parents want to listen to the podcast.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh yeah, I have some friends of parents that do.

[Lauren Garone]

Our parents are proud of us. I'm not sure why. And they talk about us to their friends.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, like seriously, do not recommend this to your friends. It's a very niche thing for a very niche audience. It does not have to be liked or appreciated by everyone.

[Lauren Garone]

And understandably so. They want to talk about our accomplishments. So this podcast comes up and invariably, and this just happened this past weekend, my mom saw an old work colleague and was like, she wants to start listening to the podcast. And I was like, see, I'm even censoring myself. I wanted to say, fuck luck, I.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Hope she listens to this episode.

[Lauren Garone]

It made me realize we need to have a parent safe episode that we can just send to our parents when they ask this and be like, here, send this to your friend. And then the only other issue I've experienced with the podcast in my real life is this very funny thing where family and friends will want to discuss stuff on the podcast. Like, my friends will be like, oh, what did you think about this thing? And I'll be like, well, we discussed it on the podcast because I know they listen.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, well that's annoying. You can't be like, listen to my podcast to hear my take. You're mental.

[Lauren Garone]

Oh, I'm aware how delusional I sound right now. I realize I have to do one of two things, which is come up with new material. That's the thing is like, okay, I'm about to tell you my exact thoughts that were on the podcast, which you listen to, which you will then hear in like a couple of days whenever you get to the episode.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right. It's like when you see a standup comic do the same routine twice. You're like, that wasn't just improv again.

[Lauren Garone]

Because we'd be recording at my parents house. There was this time a couple months ago whenever we were discussing the Blake Lively Justin Baldoni stuff where I was about to walk into the room to record with you, and my dad was like, what's this whole thing with Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni? And I'm like, I can't waste this material on you. And I know you listen immediately. Like, just wait 24 hours. I gotta record this with.

[Caller]

Just see.

[Lauren Garone]

Anyway, that's what it's like to have friends and family listen to your podcast.

[Caller]

Hey, first time caller, longtime listener, but I just need to call and connect with someone about this SJP SNL lore I found via Tick Tock. Of course. Anyways, this Tick Tock, this guy talks about an infamous New York mag article for the Saturday Night Live 20th anniversary. And the title is Saturday Night Live at 20 how the Show that Transformed TV Became a Grim Joke. So the title pretty much sums up what the article is about. But it does feature a quote from Sarah Jessica Parker talking about how she didn't find the atmosphere to be friendly at all when she hosted. I couldn't read the article in question because, you know, paywall. But I did further Googling and found people talking about her how her episode that year was one of the worst SNL episodes of all time. So I watched it and I felt like it did suck, but like, you know, didn't like super shock me. It's like kind of themed in parallel with most typical sucky SNL episodes. But mostly I just wanted to call and like hear your thoughts on SJP spilling that kind of tea so publicly, especially about a New York institution like that. Thanks. Love the show.

[Lauren Garone]

I was surprised to see Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew broderick at the SNL50 because I don't associate them with the show. I looked it up. This out is correct. Sarah Jessica Parker only hosted once in 1994, and Matthew Broderick hosted twice, but in 1988 and 1998. So I assume they must just be friends with Lauren from hanging out in the Hamptons.

[Chelsea Fairless]

You didn't read the New York Magazine article that is referenced, did you?

[Lauren Garone]

It's paywall, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, but you actually do pay to read New York magazine.

[Lauren Garone]

That's true, but I gotta enter my email every time. Then I gotta go in my email to get access to it. It sounds like you read it.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I didn't read the whole thing. I just searched Sarah Jessica Parker and skipped to the parts about Sarah Jessica Parker. She was quoted as saying about Lorne Michaels in this article. I'd come into his office and he'd put his head down and not pay attention. I decided I wouldn't take it personally that he wasn't talking to me. If I had been my normal self, I would've really flipped out because I would've thought he doesn't like me at all. So that was the quote that she gave. She wasn't saying that the environment in general was not welcoming. She was saying that Lauren just would not talk to her and that she tried not to take it personally. But yes, I was surprised that she said this too.

[Lauren Garone]

And as the caller indicated, I watched a few sketches. It's not great. It's certainly not the worst episode. I think the caller references it being listed as one of the worst episodes. This, I think, is kind of clickbait. Like, if you ever saw that Rolling Stone list of the worst SNL cast members. Robert Downey Jr. Is at like 100 as the worst.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I think a huge percentage of SNL episodes are bad. So it's not Sarah Jessica Parker that made this bad. It is the sketches in the episode.

[Lauren Garone]

And to give you a sense of the quality of the episode, let's go to even the promotion of her episode, which had musical guest REM I mean, you could do worse.

[Caller]

Hi, I'm Sarah Jessica Parker, and I'll be hosting Saturday Night Live with musical guest REM4 fine Southern gentlemen. Okay, who pinched my butt? Sorry.

[Lauren Garone]

I love the idea that Michael Stipe is sexually harassing Sarah Jessica Parker.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, he is notoriously bisexual, but like, not that kind of guy. For sure.

[Lauren Garone]

Over the time that Sex and the City was happening, there was a very hot cast and SNL was back in the zeitgeist. And so it did make me wonder, like, why Sarah Jessica Parker never hosted throughout the run of Sex and the City. She is a quintessential New Yorker on a quintessential New York show. And the reason might be something that another fuckette called in about, which is Sarah Jessica Parker hated a late 90s sex and the City parody sketch involving Jennifer Aniston wearing a prosthetic nose while portraying her. The source of this story is a podcast called Inside Late Night, where former SNL writer Hugh Fink discusses what sketch he wrote got the most flack. And I have no memory of this sketch. I always think about Amy Poehler as Carrie Bradshaw in the infamous Christina Aguilera's Samantha parody sketch.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, that was definitely a better sketch. This sketch was about the Chris Kattan monkey character.

[Lauren Garone]

Ultimately, Mr. Peepers, excuse you.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also, I forget which girl she was playing, but Molly Shannon, who would be in Sex in the City, she was in this sketch. Yeah, it just wasn't that funny. But the prosthetic nose offended SJP so deeply, which, for the record, I understand that she, according to this SNL writer, called HBO and was like, you can't let them use any of our branding or anything.

[Lauren Garone]

Not just, I think, Sex and the City branding. He. He says any media request from hbo, including graphics and logos. So it was like they made her so mad. It was like, guess what? You can't even parody the Sopranos. How about that?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I do think it's fucked up and cruel that they did that. I'm surprised that Jennifer Aniston agreed to it.

[Lauren Garone]

When you watch the sketch, Jennifer Aniston isn't doing anything to affect a Sarah Jessica Parker or Carrie Bradshaw esque impression or cadence. It's just the prosthetic nose, which maybe she didn't have a problem with. Because if you remember in like Flashbacks and Friends, Rachel Green famously had a nose job. Was very upfront about that. And in flashbacks would have a prosthetic nose as well.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sure.

[Lauren Garone]

Which leads me to believe the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick were at the SNL50 and have not been on this show in nearly 30 years is because they're friends with Lorne Michaels and they all have the houses in the Hamptons or something.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It is weird, given the fact that she was so upset about this that she made it a problem for SNL and that she gave this quote about Lauren to New York Magazine. Pretty crazy. But clearly all in the past, all has been forgiven.

[Lauren Garone]

Or has it? I've noticed no one just like that parodies on snl.

[Caller]

Hi, Chelsea and Lauren, this is Rebecca, longtime listener, first time caller. I wanted to just echo the fact that I know Chelsea believes that Taylor Swift wrote Illicit affairs based on the Big and Carrie cheating scandal and affair. And I have another aspect of evidence there. In episode six of season two, the cheating Curve, when Carrie is secretly seeing Big again but hasn't told any of her friends, she literally says that seeing him again felt illicit. So feather in your cap for that one, caller.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Did not realize that. Completely forgot that she used the word illicit. Further confirmation of something that I have always believed.

[Lauren Garone]

Congratulations, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Fairless]

You're welcome. You're welcome.

[Lauren Garone]

I know that if you were ever to meet Taylor Swift, I hope the first thing you would ask her is, come on. Elicit affairs is inspired by Carrion Big, right?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Admit it. No, I like to think that I would not be that much of an outward freak. Any who. Last call.

[Caller]

Hi plus, my question for all is, who would be on your hear me out cake? This is a viral trend of folks taking pictures of their unconventional crushes onto a cake. Mine would be Billy Bob Thornton. He's a really great actor and has.

[Lauren Garone]

A ton of Riz, the male chef.

[Caller]

Of the PBS show America's Test Kitchen, and Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. You're not going to know those last two. I know, but just want to hear what you guys have to say.

[Lauren Garone]

So did you make tat look up on TikTok what a hear me out cake was? Because I did need to look this up.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I didn't make tat do it. I could look something up on TikTok by myself. Jesus Christ.

[Lauren Garone]

Now I understood the concept of a hear me out. I didn't realize that we were getting cakes printing out photos of our hear us outs and then inserting them into the cakes to do what afterwards? Exactly. I'm not sure. I'm so intrigued to hear what your hear me out is.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, first of all, Billy Bob Thornton is traditionally hot. He's not hot because of his personality. But if you've ever seen one of his earlier films where he's playing a normal person, you don't look at him and think that's an unconventionally attractive person.

[Lauren Garone]

To be fair, on previous VIP episode, Angelina Jolie, her life between 1995 and 2001, we did get into this idea of, like, there is something hot about Billy Bob Thornton that is not about his looks. I would say Steve Buscemi, but, like, I feel like that's a known quantity. I've said that before. I really wanted to think about it, and I feel like in this trend of hear me out, it has to do with things or people you found attractive in your childhood. I say things because I've noticed a lot of people putting animated characters. So when I was a child, I loved a movie called Dick Tracy and there was a henchman named Itchy who was one of Big Boy Caprice's Al Pacino's henchmen. And he looked like this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Ew.

[Lauren Garone]

I mean, again, hear me out. And my hear me out is like, I don't know. I was six and thought he was attractive, so I was like, who is that actor? He is such an interesting face. He's this man named Edo Ross. And he doesn't look like that anymore. Chelsea. He looks like this. Does this man look familiar to you?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wait. Yes.

[Lauren Garone]

He was Ruth Fisher's love interest that owned the floral shop in Six Feet under.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right The Russian man.

[Lauren Garone]

This man is very much not Russian. We have to put photos to explain our heroes out because, like, him and Dick Tracy is, like, so skinny. He has bleach blonde hair. He's got a prosthetic nose, and I don't know, I fancied him.

[Chelsea Fairless]

This is hard.

[Lauren Garone]

It is because I feel like we are into ugly, hot people. I really tried to search deeply for an interesting. Hear me out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, it's hard for me because I feel like I'm into more, like, masculine women and those just like. Like, people like that just aren't deemed hot generally. So I feel like probably everyone I think is hot is, like, not hot, if that makes any sense. But if I'm thinking back to, like, childhood, you know who I think is hot? Ghostface.

[Lauren Garone]

Ghostface is a good. Hear me out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Ghostface is fucking hot. Ghostface has no gender. Could be non binary, we don't know. Ghostface has a pretty chic outfit, kind of Rick Owens, kind of Balenciaga, and just like a kind of sensual, expressive face. I like fantasizing about what could be underneath the robe.

[Lauren Garone]

Okay. Yeah. Your hear me out is far better than mine because you're making me be like, yeah, I would give Ghostface a chance.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garone]

All right, guys, that brings us to the end. I think this is one of our better hotline episodes. Like, these calls were. Were a great amalgamation of just like, random pop culture thoughts or questions about pop culture relationship advice.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. And we did get a lot of Sex and the City calls, but we are saving some of them for a very special patreon only. All Sex and the City hotline show.

[Lauren Garone]

Ooh.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Call in. Don't be discouraged if your call wasn't played, it might be played later. We shall see.

[Lauren Garone]

Ooh, sounds like an episode for my maternity leave if I've ever heard one.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I'm trying to save the, like, extra spicy ones that we might want to pay wall. So if you have any of those especially, call in.

[Lauren Garone]

All right, guys, until next time, bye.