Excellent Executive Coaching: EEC 401

From Ivy League to Prison and Back Again, with Ken Miller
Host: Dr. Katrina Burrus, PhD, MCC
Guest: Ken Miller
Date: September 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this powerful episode, Dr. Katrina Burrus interviews Ken Miller—a mentor, business owner, and coach with a truly extraordinary life story. Ken’s journey takes us from his beginnings as a foster child, through addiction, homelessness, and incarceration, all the way to Ivy League halls, recovery, and a new life devoted to helping others, particularly young men of color, realize their potential. The episode sheds light on resilience, self-reflection, breaking harmful cycles, and the critical role of community and mentorship in personal transformation.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Ken Miller’s Early Life and Descent into Addiction

[00:05-03:07]

• Ken was raised in foster care and adopted at age six.
• Began drinking in college at Dartmouth, quickly became an alcoholic, and was exposed to drugs.
• Substance misuse led to homelessness, criminal behavior, and incarceration.

“I tell everybody I majored in fraternity and I minored in drinking. That's what my degree was.” — Ken Miller [01:51]

The Pain that Triggered Change

[02:18-03:07]

• September 22, 2004: Ken was in deep emotional and physical pain (“My jaw was wired shut… I was on the streets homeless.”).
• Arrested for selling a $10 rock of crack, sentenced to six years (served three).
• Describes hitting rock bottom as his turning point to sobriety.

“I had lost hope, any sense of the future having anything but pain in it… I got to a turning point.” — Ken Miller [02:33]

Prison as an Unlikely Place for Healing

[04:22-06:58]

• Prison provided a controlled environment to rebuild himself in four areas: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.
  • Physical: Began lifting weights; gained 40 lbs of muscle; improved nutrition.
  • Intellectual: Read extensively (160 books in one year, over 1100 to date).
  • Emotional: Counseling was transformative, addressing deep trauma.
  • Spiritual: Developed a spiritual grounding through exploration of religions.

“At that time, prison was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because it gave me a controlled environment to work on self.” — Ken Miller [04:22]

The Importance of Community in Sustaining Recovery

[08:36-10:23]

• Upon release, Ken faced a pivotal choice: return to his old world or seek new connections.
• Changed communities from the “streets” to positive influences (mentors, sponsors, supportive programs like AA and NA).
• Emphasized the necessity of building new social circles for lasting change.

“Had to change my communities… I could take a right or I can take a left… This time… I went to the halfway house.” — Ken Miller [08:36]

Lessons Transferred to the Business and Coaching World

[13:19-14:45]

• Ken’s experiences fostered deep empathy and tolerance in his professional relationships.
• Highlights the role of “grace,” understanding, and “tolerance” as essential for effective teamwork and leadership.

“What it allowed me to do, especially early on, it allowed me to have a lot more grace in dealing with people.” — Ken Miller [13:19]

Breaking Old Scripts: Self-Control and Emotional Literacy

[16:31-24:00]

• Describes how street and prison life instilled rigid, often violent, “scripts” about respect and response to “disrespect.”
• Developed “gap control”—creating space between trigger and response, moving from impulsive to thoughtful action.

“Gap control, very simply, is we have input coming in from external sources. And what we're trying to do is not react, but with forethought, act.” — Ken Miller [18:41]

• Shares ongoing need for self-awareness: knowing triggers, analyzing self-talk, and identifying core issues from early trauma.
• When logical self-control fails, sometimes the best action is to remove oneself from the situation:

“Sometime the action is to run away. It's to get out of the situation because you can't think enough… because you built up this anger and, or fear.” — Ken Miller [23:15]

Mentoring: Rebuilding Others by Engendering Dreams

[24:19-29:19]

• Ken has mentored young men, especially men of color, for over 15 years.
• Mentoring is always free, open-ended, and built on explicit contracts.
• His core mentoring philosophy: encourage dreaming, rebuild self-belief, and help mentees trace their anger to fear, and dig down to painful core issues from childhood.

“I have one responsibility to you and that is to engender dreams. What is your dream? And I even say this to them. I give you permission to dream.” — Ken Miller [24:47]

• Mentoring seeks to disrupt cycles of pain and self-limiting beliefs inherited from early life.

Ken’s Core Wound and His Journey to Forgiveness

[29:19-40:59]

• Ken reveals his core issue: “Dying alone,” rooted in foster care experiences and separation from his mother.
• Shares a moving story of reconnecting with, and forgiving, his birth mother, leading to unexpected healing and building new family relationships.

“I really wanted to forgive her… and that I loved her.” — Ken Miller [39:48]

The Power of Story and Representation

[41:03-42:10]

• Ken has written a memoir: Becoming Ken (available on Amazon, Audible, eBook, hardcover, softcover).
• He mentors young men of color because the “need is so great”—his aim is to be a positive male role model, particularly for those lacking them due to systemic issues and incarceration.

Memorable Quotes

• On Personal Pain as the Catalyst for Change:
  “Always pain for me… discomfort. So if I have a situation where someone is ill at ease… because of me, I have to look at me.” — Ken Miller [16:34]
• On Changing Communities:
  “This time, even though it took me 20 minutes to make that decision… After three years of penitentiary, after many meetings, emotional, physical, everything, I still struggled. But I did, I went to the halfway house.” — Ken Miller [08:36]
• On Rewriting Scripts:
  “You cannot call me a punk… if you call me that in the penitentiary or on the streets, automatically, I will fight… That's the script that I was taught.” — Ken Miller [18:39]
• On Mentoring:
  “When I mentor young men… the first meeting, what I say to them, I have one responsibility to you and that is to engender dreams. I give you permission to dream. And then I shut up.” — Ken Miller [24:47]
• On Reconnecting with his Birth Mother:
  “I really wanted to forgive her… and that I loved her.” — Ken Miller [39:48]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ken’s Addiction and Early Trauma: [00:05–03:07]
• Trigger for Change and Experience in Prison: [02:18–06:58]
• Building Resilience, Changing Communities: [07:18–10:23]
• Business Lessons from the Streets: [13:19–14:45]
• Breaking Scripts and Gap Control: [16:31–24:00]
• Mentoring and Emotional Healing: [24:19–29:19]
• Core Issue: Journey of Forgiveness: [29:19–40:59]
• Book and Contacts: [41:03–42:26]

Resources & Further Information

• Becoming Ken by Ken Miller (Amazon, Audible, eBook, hard/softcover)
• LinkedIn: KenMiller84
• Mentoring focus: Men of color, fostering dreams and breaking cycles

Tone & Final Thoughts

Ken Miller speaks with raw honesty and insight, blending vulnerability, compassion, and the wisdom of lived experience. Dr. Burrus listens empathetically and draws out the lessons for coaches and leaders—highlighting the need for empathy, personal transformation, and the real work of changing internal and external worlds for lasting change.

Whether you are a coach, leader, or someone searching for evidence that change is possible, this episode brings hope and practical wisdom for building new futures from even the darkest beginnings.