← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 342 - Top Tips for Self-love, Manifesting Love, & a Deeper Connection with Your Partner
00:46:32
Tis the season of manifesting deeper love and more aligned relationships. And as Lacy points out, mid-winter brings new light, new hope, and new growth. Whether you’re happily single, searching for new love, or manifesting a closer relationship (or a million other versions of love!) this is the perfect time to let a little more light into your life. We love this day because while, yes, commercially there is a lot of programming, we consider it just the perfect time to look inward and reflect on all your relationships. This episode with Janelle, Lacy, and Jessica holds so many pearls of wisdom that will help you on whatever journey you find yourself on when it comes to manifesting love. When is a “spark” healthy versus a nervous system trigger? Are we speaking to ourselves internally with the love we are seeking? Are you falling for the Disney love myth? You don’t have to wait for someone to take you to the restaurant you’re dying to go to for love to find you. You are the archite...
Loading summary
Transcript51 lines
- [00:00]
A
If we're manifesting love, self love, great relationships, loving relationships comes down to self worth.
- [00:07]
B
You stepping through that fear to do what feels so aligned and right for you is going to reward you tenfold.
- [00:15]
C
Just keep going, keep going with the work.
- [00:21]
A
From To Be Magnetic. This is the expanded podcast with your.
- [00:26]
B
Host Lacey Phillips and your host Jessica Gill.
- [00:37]
A
As the leading destination for neural manifestation. We dispel the woo woo in order to help you create real, tangible results based on neuroplasticity, psychology, epigenetics and energetics. Our goal is to normalize the practice of manifestation and empower you to get into the driver's seat of your life in order to manifest the experiences, relationships and things that most align with your authenticity. And by pressing play, the process begins.
- [01:13]
B
Welcome back everyone to another episode of Expanded Jessica here. I hope you guys are having a fantastic day week Friday, wherever, whenever you're listening in. We have a really special episode today. All around our top tips and insight, current energetics on love, relationships, self love, friendships, all of the things. Obviously it feels timely because it is Valentine's Day, but really what I sort of see this day is as the ability to connect with self, to understand your own intimacy. And we can give you some tips and tools and insights of really reconnecting with that. I think no matter where you're at in this journey, if you're just looking to deepening your self love, if you're looking to deepen your relationships, your friendships, if you're manifesting love, it really comes back to that connection to self first and how we then take that connection to self to others. We have some really good protocols for you guys in there, and if you haven't checked it out yet, we launched a brand new video series called Channeling with Lacy where Lacy breaks down the current Energetics going on right now and how to work with them for your manifestation practice. It is free to all Pathway members. So if you want to join the Pathway, you can get access to this and all of our workshops in the link in the show notes. And this week we released inside of that Energetic Update, our brand new stripped Di. This year is no short of transformation and changes. And how do we reconnect to our center? Obviously you guys heard us talk about our authenticity challenge this past year and it's so important to reconnect with our authenticity. But from that place, how can we connect with it where it's not tied or limited by the external pieces, where we're not holding our authenticity as a reflection of an identity to self because of our belongings, because of our home, because of our social status, because of our career title or our role as a parent or a spouse or a daughter, you know, or a son. How can we really identify with our soul's essence? And that's what this stripped deep imagining is going to do. If you haven't heard of a DI before, it's our proprietary blend of hypnosis audio which helps you reprogram limiting beliefs in your subconscious into an empowering state. And from that space you can manifest anything you truly authentically desire. So that is live now in the Pathway portal. Check it out. It is definitely one that you are gonna feel so connected to your soul on the other side of. And we have another new one coming out next Wednesday that's kind of like the bundle for the energetic theme for 2025. In this transformation, it's stripped and empowered. So stay tuned for that one as well. It's gonna really just build you back up and be kind of that mantra you can keep coming back to again and again. Okay, let's jump into the episode.
- [04:11]
A
And now a word from our partners.
- [04:16]
B
I'm sure you've heard of Amara Colostrum by now. It is everywhere and for good reason. It has thousands of benefits. Tens of thousands of people are reporting life changing stories and shifts to their health with it. Strengthened immunity, fortified gut health, ignited metabolisms, metabolism, vitalized hair growth, enhanced skin radiance performance and recovery enhancement. The list goes on and on. And at first I was a little skeptical, like where has this bioactive whole food been my entire life? How have I not heard of this yet? And then I realized I had. When one of my best friends first had her baby, I remember she was telling me about the colostrum that her body produced. This is actually the first milk that all mammals produce. It's the first nutrition we receive in life and it contains all the nutrients in your body you need in order to thrive. So Armor Colostrum is just harnessing the power of humans. Original bioactive food. It hosts protective antibodies, whole food prebiotics, strengthening peptides, free amino acids, trace minerals, hemoglobins, tissue growth factors, antioxidant adaptogens, mitochondrial generators. The list goes on and on. Armour Colostrum is sustainably sourced from grass fed cows on family owned dairy farms throughout the U.S. utilizing an overflow of Colostrum ensuring that the calves needs always come first and only the surplus waste is collected and then upcycled. And I would say armor Colostrum is one of my top top products. I cannot live without. I have seen such a shift in my immunity, my digestion, my ability to handle foods that may be inflammatory, irritating to my stomach or gut lining. It has been game changer on so many different fronts and I notice a massive difference when I'm regularly taking it versus not. I like to take four scoops per day. I spread them out throughout the day. You can take them all at once in the morning. It supports me on so many different levels. And good news is that we have an incredible offer for our audience to receive 15% off your first order of armor colostrum. So go to tryara.comtbm that's T-R-Y-A R M R A.comtbm or enter TBM at checkout to get 15% off your first order. Try today. I promise you will not regret it. I get a lot of questions about my skincare routine and even though that is always changing, one thing that I've been really consistent with that has been helping so much is the Bond Charge Red Light Mask. Who knew the secret to glowing youthful skin isn't a cream or a serum or a spa treatment, but actually light? Bond Charge's red light mask uses a potent blend of red and near infrared light therapy that works to boost your collagen, reduce wrinkles, fight breakouts, and give your skin the glow from within in just 10 minutes a day. Personally, I'm lucky if I get it in three times a week, but I notice a massive difference on the weeks that I do. Even from one session, my skin feels so much glowier and dewier afterwards. Red Light therapy is backed by science to stimulate skin's natural healing process. It increases circulation, supports firmer, healthier skin without any harsh chemicals or invasive treatments. It's safe, it's painless, and it's incredibly effective for all types of skin. And as someone who's looking to support their skin as they age in the most natural and holistic way possible, getting the Bond Charge red light mask was an absolute must. Real results with no harsh chemicals, no downtime, no injections. Just completely supporting the natural healing and collagen production of your skin. And for those of you who are noticing some fine lines added extra from looking down at our phones all the time. I know. I'm so guilty of this. They actually have a specifically designed neck and chest mask as well that will help support it in the same way you can actually use both at the same time for a full facial rejuvenation session. So if you'd like to try the Bon Charge Red Light face mask or their neck mask. You can use code magnetic all caps M A G N E T I C for 15 off. Again, that's magnetic all caps M A G N E T I C for 15 off. Go to boncharge.com or check out the link in the show notes.
- [08:55]
A
All right, on to the episode.
- [09:00]
B
Welcome back everyone to another episode of Expanded. If you are listening in on Friday, February 14th, Happy Valentine's Day. I actually really love this holiday and I know commercially it's like so built into relationships, but I like it for the connection back to self. How to give yourself love, how to give your friends love. If you're in a relationship, give your relationship love. But it's so much bigger and deeper to me than just the romantic aspect. So today we wanted to give our top tips for anyone who is manifesting self love, manifesting relationship love, manifesting a better relationship. Here are our most heavy hitting tips from the experts. So Lacy, I want to throw it to you. What's your feel into the energy of love right now? And then what would you say is the biggest thing people do wrong when it comes to manifesting relationship?
- [09:51]
A
Yeah, you know what? One thing I really want to help people reframe is that in paganism, this particular holiday during the time of the 13th through the 15th, many different cultures actually celebrated this as mid winter. So it was like, like that midpoint when we're breaking out of winter and starting the light is getting brighter, we're starting to make our way into the spring. I want to just give a little bit of a reframe about that because what does that bring that brings new light, that brings new energy, it brings hope that we're coming into that fertility time of season of new growth, technically starting to make our way into the new year. So just wanted to use that little reframe for anybody out there who's sitting there and it's just like I hate the commercialism of this holiday that corporations have turned this into. Now getting into love, I would have to say, well, I had a little bit of a channeling this morning that is different. You can listen to many of our love episodes in the past. We have so many Jessica and team and everybody can, can definitely link those below. How to manifest love and such. However, the biggest channeling that came through due to the current energetics at hand in this big year of transformation is that I really believe that the architecture we have in our belief system, system in our mind is going to rapidly reshift in our relationship to self worth within the next three to four months. And so that brings me to the absolute most important piece. If we're manifesting love, self love, great relationships, loving relationships, whatever to do with that category. Energetic of love comes down to self worth. We only have what we feel worthy of and what we've believed to see as possible and for ourselves. And so the other key piece to this too is you have to realize your authentic essence in love desires something pretty specifically. It doesn't mean one person fits that I don't believe in the one at all. It's a feeling and a need that your essence and authenticity is looking for counterparts. And this isn't like psychology based, because we certainly will probably talk about trauma bonding in this. I imagine like Janelle has that up her sleeve a little bit, but not that the energetic is your true essence is looking for energies that are going to help you shine brighter at what your gifts are, at what your purpose is, at what your individual authentic magic is that you came onto the planet as. And so really anything that's not in alignment with that, including yourself, your own beliefs, your own subconscious beliefs of self worth, it's just not gonna line up the friendships, the relationship, the relationship to self, everything to do with what love actually represents. So the key thing we need to really be looking at is what is our authentic essence. And when we get to that space, we've released a deep imagining that you can listen to called the strip di that will give you a really clear perspective of what your authentic true essences in that luminal, loving, beautiful space. And then you get to take a moment and look from there and go, what in my life reflects this? Including my own beliefs and structure of beliefs. Because whatever's not reflecting that, including my own structure of beliefs, is about to rapidly get stripped away from me anyways, probably and shift in my life. So either you can be the proponent using these tools and getting that in motion, or the universe is certainly it's just the way of the year, it's just what's going to happen. The universe may have already or put this emotion or is about to help you in that process, in an effort to get you back into that space, operating from that space and attracting in the highest, most juicy, warmest, awesome counterparts to that that you truly desire. May it be in your relationship to self, partnership, etc.
- [14:05]
B
So good. So good. I had so many thoughts coming through there, but it's interesting, especially when you talk about that relationship to self. I forgot where I read it, but they were talking about the love languages and how People have their different love languages. You know, they express love by giving gifts or by words of affirmation or physical touch. Quality time. I think there's one more. But when you get clear on what yours is or what feels most authentic to you, you have which one you like to express love with. But then you have the one that you like to get love with. But there is also how you give love to yourself. So I'm someone that really likes and values quality time. So it's like, oh, no wonder when I take time alone, I feel so recharged. I feel so good. That exchange of love also extends to ourself or someone who has words of affirmation. How are you speaking to yourself? Are you speaking kindly? Are you speaking with love? Are you speaking with support in your mind to yourself? So I think that's just something to think about too, in this exchange of love. How you give love, how you share love, et cetera. How are you connecting to yourself on that as well? Janelle, tell us. So when it comes to love, relationships, self love, all the things, what do you think is one thing that people should be aware of? Of? I mean, I know you did this recent training on relationships. Mother wound. All of the things. Tell us a little bit what you learned there and then also what you think the biggest missing pieces that people are not understanding or it's not landing.
- [15:37]
A
Yeah, Janelle, like how brilliant you were with pockets of safety. When shit's hitting the fan for people in this moment, if someone's not experiencing self love, the partnership that they want and all forms of love, what are those hot? Like, what. What's that thing with this training? We all want to know?
- [15:53]
C
Yes, I have a bunch of different thoughts, but I was thinking this morning about. So when I do the unblocking sessions, most of the unblocking sessions, what people want, the majority are all calling in love. A very common block that I see most is the belief that intensity equals love. And I honestly feel like this is like a bigger conversation about, like, our, honestly, cultural grooming. We see it everywhere in music and media and everything, Disney movies, the whole thing, that intensity means love. And that when we're manifesting a partner, you know, when we're shopping, if we don't get this big spark, then it's not it. And then we have to pass the test because we're looking for this big spark. And that could not be farther from the truth when manifesting actual healthy love, and especially actually when we get a big spark that actually can be our nervous system. Signaling, run for the hills. That could be narcissistic love bombing. That could be honestly a number of things. But we think it's like activation and butterflies. So it must be it. Instead of, you know, you go on the date with a nice guy, that it might have been just been neutral, but like there was no red flags. And then we walk away because there's not the intensity there. You have to debunk that first before even getting to okay, what am I even looking for?
- [17:19]
B
I completely agree. I see this and then the other element I see is searching for perfection.
- [17:25]
A
Yes.
- [17:26]
B
Like if the person isn't a hundred percent perfect, fulfills every need, they discredit them or they're out or whatever. And I think it's this understanding of when our self worth is full, when our cup is full, when we are so secure in our life and so many different dynamics, we don't need someone to come in and fix the whole, the void, the issue. That is when relationships can come in with ease. That's when you can manifest even friendships with ease. But if we're like, God, I need this partner so I can be X, so I can do X. You gotta really be honest with yourself. Because so many people are like, I don't do that, I don't do that. But then you see how they're playing small in their day to day life, which is like pretend you had the partner. How would you be operating? Would you take yourself to dinner on the weekends? Have you been secretly wanting to go to like cool restaurants but you've been holding back because you've been waiting for the partner? What is the thing that you are limiting yourself in because you don't have it. And I think that's where people are like, they get in and they're like, oh, well, they don't want to do this with me. So they're out and they're not really giving them the benefit of the doubt in the beginning.
- [18:34]
C
Yeah, like fair, healthy expectations is everything. Or else you're just gonna cycle through dating partner after. You know, you're just gonna cycle, cycle, cycle until there's realistic expectations. I honestly feel like love has to come off of the pedestal and the fantasy that, you know, some fantasy person is gonna come and really just be the savior and fill the hole inside that has to be unblocked first. You kind of have to go through a little grief first before there's actually space for like healthy love to come through. And in that what you're saying is like healthy expectations. I feel like this is Another cultural narrative that, like, our partner is supposed to always give us unconditional positive regard and if they don't aren't always like admiring us or always giving us this unconditional positive regard, then they're the wrong person. And they're not, you know, we're settling and they're like, no, there's times and there's seasons where our shadow is stuff that needs to be worked out. And they're reflecting back. Not the prettiest picture. And they're not giving us unconditional positive regardless. And that doesn't mean that we're settling. Understanding that that's, that's part of healthy relationship. It's not always this beautiful mirror back of ourselves.
- [19:52]
B
We get that question a lot, especially as people are doing the work, they're in relationships and they're like, ugh, I think I actually have a test. I think my partner's a test. And it's like, is your partner a test or is the dynamic presenting between the both of you right now a test? And the, the opportunity is to work together, to understand each other on a different level, on a different way of operating that you've never had to do before. And it's not going to be rainbows and butterflies. It's not going to be seamless and easy in all the things because you're having to, like Lacy was saying at the beginning, you're having to cultivate this really true, authentic version of self. And there's going to be some pushback in that growth spurt as you're stepping into it. It's not like, okay, I've arrived, I'm here. It's all great. The world reacts. They just support me on this journey. It's like, no, it's almost like fortifying your belief in self. And it's like, okay, how can you hold boundaries with love? How can you communicate your needs with love and not mind reading? How can you have honest conversations? How can you have arguments and have healthy repair? Those are the things that are actually going to really transform it. Because if you're just like, well, the grass is greener somewhere else, or I just want someone to dote on me all day, you're not going to have that growth then.
- [21:14]
A
Yeah, I think normalizing, integrated, healthy love and manifesting that and knowing that that can actually transcend and be more magical than the fairy tale, which is so problematic. That's what we're really all talking about here is that deep rooted fairy tale culture in our life from media, from books, from. I mean, it's so projected. My daughter Teddy, who's you know, almost four and obviously we do a lot of it's Waldorf based, right? So there's a lot of fairy tale culture and we listen to a lot of podcasts when we're driving about stories and it is bonkers. And I am so conflicted about. I can see it. I can see it all happening. And so throughout the day, she loves stories. She like thr thrives on stories. And so at nighttime we do what's called story by mouth. And I'm literally taking the opportunity to like infuse and teach her things that are true. And yeah, this fairy tale culture, even the Little Mermaid, right.
- [22:15]
C
She.
- [22:15]
A
We've never watched this movie or anything. But that's an old. It's been spun so many ways and even on these like really elevated story podcast, it's still about will he like me if he doesn't hear my voice? Because the voice gets taken away. It is so not cool, man. Like the all of the patriarchy fairy tale culture. But just hearing that, taking a moment because that's what we're really all talking about is the fairy tale culture. We need to take a look at that and witness the subconscious programming we have of that from media and the lack we have of that from subconscious expansion and then the further lack that we have from integrated healthy love. No wonder we're all so not all of us. But it takes a lot to manifest. Or maybe somebody sitting here listening to this is like no fucking wonder. I've been single for X amount of time because I'm upgrading. But am I upgrading my subconscious, which I think is naturally the big push is coming regardless. So yeah, that's just like tying that up with a bow. I think that that's at the real root, the real blocks. And then you know, throw all of our childhood blocks on top of that we witnessed in relationship and our relationship to ourselves and self worth. And there's a great little package to work through.
- [23:34]
B
It's so funny. I've been seeing this. I've been on TikTok more just like investigating following pings on there and such. And there are so many trends or shares of this archetype of the dysregulated, disorganized, chaotic, moody female partner. And then the submissive man. The comments will say like oh my spicy. Blah blah blah side just so I could have the perfect doting husband and it's laughed at and like hahaha. Oh my gosh, yes, thank God I manifested my man who can just Support me through all my waves and chaos. And it's just so interesting watching that because I think it almost creates this reliance on the other person, but also like lack of a autonomy in some ways. But it's so interesting how praised that the dynamic is being right now. And to me I'm like, oh, the women need more help, they need more support. And the men need to figure out what their empowered role is in that relationship. Like, it shouldn't just be of full service all the time. At least in my personal perspective. Each person should be fully autonomous, fully in their own authentic energy. And this is true for any relationship, regardless of gender as well as. But I've just seen this particular dynamic on TikTok a lot. But it's so fascinating watching that play out and seeing like, what is this saying about our collective consciousness of like where we're at or what issues we're struggling with or where we need more help or support that isn't necessarily relying on one person to fix it all.
- [25:14]
C
I just think with the dynamic you just shared, I'm like, there's no intimacy in that. That's somebody that was probably wounded, that thought, I'll have a passive guy and then that's nice. But they hold all the control because that other partner doesn't have a backbound. It could go either way, to be fair. But there's no actual intimacy in that because that person doesn't. Isn't in their whole self. Because if two people in their whole self, there's actually some friction, you know, but then when polarity, tension, sexuality. Yeah, exactly, Exactly.
- [25:45]
A
Amen. Honestly, I would way rather have the partner that I do have that is on his path trying to become his authentic self. Both of us in our own autonomy, own way, it's a partnership at that point, right? Yeah. Normalizing that. Normalizing that both parties in a relationship are in their whole worthy, authentic selves manifesting the life that they want individually and together.
- [26:12]
C
Another thought I had too, is that in love, like we match to the level of intimacy we can tolerate. So if we are constantly finding these unavailable partners, that is a mirror that. That's the level of intimacy you can tolerate when you're in it. It feels like, no, I'm craving intimacy. I want intimacy so bad and this other person just won't give it to me. That's not what's happening. What's happening is you can put the finger on them for not being available, but really it's your way of staying safe and you actually haven't met your threshold yet, because usually when that healthy, available person comes in and you're at your threshold, you then become the unavailable partner. It's fascinating when you're aware of that. Instead of pointing the blame, it's like, okay, how do I increase my threshold of intimacy? Because that's really what I want. And there's a. There's this kind of self sabotaging that happens there. Last year was I studying this concept of intimacy and tolerance, which is fascinating to me because usually people with intimacy and tolerance are the ones that are craving intimacy the most. And they're craving intimacy the most because they didn't receive the touch, the soothing, the comfort, the care. They were starved of it on some level, or maybe even it's a little bit more nuanced that let's say the mom was shut down and, like, there still wasn't a level of emotional intimacy there. So then we crave it as adults. But again, when we're faced with it and we come upon our threshold, we will actually get the ick with the partner or we'll find some ways to make them bad, kind of make ourselves, like, above them. Because being with the vulnerability of them being our equal instead of the dynamic which you were talking about is like the man's below. When we're faced with our equal, it's way more vulnerable.
- [28:15]
A
I feel like that needs to. I feel like the. The two biggest takeaways from this is, number one, truly, truly understanding your authenticity, self and essence and what that really desires. And. And then the architecture of self worth you have around it. And number two, when you figure that out, you know, through the strip di or the authentic self challenge we did, then when you're going, I see the blocks, I see the layers, the onion peels. What you just addressed, Janelle, is the work that needs to be done in the inner child work, how you actually unblock in order to be able to receive the partnership you want and the intimacy you want, truly want, truly like being seen all of the layers of intimacy and then the expansion. Have you ever even seen that? Have you ever even seen from now knowing your total, authentic essence completely stripped, what it really needs in this lifetime through one partner, multiple experiences, multiple partners, whatever, then what's all the blockage that's holding you back from that level of intimacy of what you can actually really accept? And then the question, have you actually ever seen that in any healthy relationship, in a fragment, expanders, whatever, like, that's only you can answer that. But I really do think if you're sitting there and Wanting action orientated things from this episode. That would be the path I would be looking down.
- [29:50]
B
I think too sometimes when people look at relationship expanders, they're like, oh, they got each other that gift. I want that. Or they do this for each other, I want that. And it's more surface level. They're liking like very specific material engagements between the two instead of like reading beneath the lines. How did they show up for them? You can see it in real time with couples that have this, but it's almost like the attunement and check in with each other is, is so subtle and so caring and so loving. Where my. Some of my relationship expanders, when I see them interact, one of them will notice like, oh, I can see that they're stressed with that. And one will just like put their hand on their back. Very subtle. I like. You wouldn't necessarily put on your list, I want a partner who puts a hand on my back. But you would be like, I want us to be connected. And not in a codependent way, but in a like, oh, I just noticed that. Okay, I'm gonna say support them in that way. Those little tiny cues that let them know that these people are interacting in a supportive, loving, autonomous way. I think that's the stuff you want to look at in the expansion. It's not the. So many people talk also about like the power couple or they achieved all of this together. It's like, but what does their relationship look at behind closed doors? How are they speaking to each other at night? How are they navigating conflict? That's the, the stuff where it's actually going to shift your reality versus the superficial. And if we know anything about this year, it is dropping all the superficial, all the programming, all the shoulds, all the things we think are going to get us there and get really, really, really honest with ourselves of what our truth is.
- [31:29]
A
Yes, yes, yes.
- [31:36]
B
Foreign. You've heard us talk about our pathway membership, but what actually is it? It is an all access membership where you can get every single workshop that we've ever created. All of our deep imaginings, which are our reprogramming audios to help you manifest. You can access it on the desktop or in the TBM app on your phone directly. We of course have our foundational workshops, such as our how to Manifest workshop, which takes you step by step through this neural manifestation process to actually unblock, expand and take align action to connect with your manifestations. Our how to be Magnetic workshop, our Inner Child and shadow workshops, and then of course we have a workshop. If you are in a rut, if you're in a rock bottom, if you're in an up level, perhaps you need to set boundaries. Maybe you want to focus specifically on the block of money or love. It is all in there. And then twice a year as a community, we gather for our challenges. Our challenges are one of the most effective parts of the process because you get accountability. It is really a handheld experience in how to work through whatever the theme of that year's challenge is. And now to my absolute favorite part of our membership, which I think in and of itself would be worth the entire weight of the membership if we just had this alone. Our Deep Imagining Library. This Library encompasses over 60 neural reprogramming audio tracks. They're self hypnosis tracks that will really support you in any step of this journey. If you're needing calming nervous system regulation, unblocking with a specific test or trigger, going through a difficult time processing a big emotion, or maybe you just want reinforcing how to reinforce those neural pathways of confidence, abundance, self worth, deservingness and connection with your dream life. And not only that, if you go to the app, we just launched Deep Imagining playlists where we're grouping different themes of DIS together. So no matter what you're going through, you have something for you. And we're constantly dropping new playlists as well as brand new deep imaginary. And if you need more support in your process, you can go to our brand new video series Channelings with Lacy where she touches on the exact energetics that are going on right now in manifestation and how it may apply to your life. So obviously I am a huge fan of this membership. The peace of mind I get from being able to have all the tools I need at my disposal. No matter where I'm at with my life, if shit's hitting the fan, if I'm feeling dysregulated, if I'm needing to come back to my center, if I'm needing to to brainstorm or daydream or connect with what my vision for my future is, every single tool is in there to support me. And don't just take my word for it. We have thousands of testimonials of people who have had incredible success stories with these tools. So take the guesswork out of your manifestation process and get real tools that are going to give you real results. For podcast listeners only, you can use code expanded all caps E x P A N D e D for 20% off your first month of the pathway. Join now and have Your best year yet, Janelle, for that intimacy wound. Because I'm like, okay, this is really interesting because I. I have some friends who definitely do this, and they're like, no, it's not me. It's not me. But. But it is still that discomfort that they're struggling with. And I know so many times when they've gotten the ick, they're like, well, aren't I entitled to have the ick and be with someone that I don't have the ick about? True. But I guess that person is someone that could be their expander of where, okay, maybe in this situation, I got the ick and it didn't feel good. And not saying they have to, like, push through that, but it's that invitation to, you've met your limitation here, and you're not gonna get your full package unless you address that intimacy limitation. What do you think on that?
- [35:29]
C
It's interesting, right? There are people, of course, like, we don't have chemistry or connection with and all of that. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about stepping back and looking at patterns. Because a lot of time it's just like, well, I'm just not attracted to healthy guy. So it's like, why, though? Why? You know, if you're having a pattern of all these, the healthy available guy, you have an ick around. That is something to look at. It's not just like a one off. Like, ah, that person didn't do it for me.
- [35:56]
B
Right.
- [35:57]
C
And especially when there's a major history of going after unavailable guy. If somebody is just operating out of their attachment wound and they're just going after these unavailable people, they're not craving healthy food yet. They're addicted to. It's almost like they're addicted to junk food. There's a process in healing attachment wounds where junk food then starts not looking like junk. Like, it's like, I don't want that. I'm gonna feel like shit afterwards. It might be like, pretty to look at for a second, but like, no, I don't want to eat that because I know how I'll feel. There might be a phase where it's like, okay, I'm not attracted to the wrong people anymore. Unavailable people. But I'm also not attracted to healthy people yet. If you find yourself on that zone, just keep going, Keep going with the work. Because over time and with, you know, with healing and the work, you will be attracted to healthy people. You know, if there's a. They've gone through a process, like with Literal food where they're like, no, they genuinely are craving healthy food, genuinely craving it. And for, you know, years ago, they weren't. It's the same concept where you won't get the ick. You might have little tines where it comes up a little bit. But as a whole, it's like, no, I really craving nourishing love. But there's also a chemical piece to it with these kind of toxic love that really activate trauma bonds and. And attachment wounds and all of that. All these different chemicals that flood the brain. And so healthy love can look like. It looks like cardboard at first. And so it's a process of detoxing and healing to where you do want. And that starts like the stability and the safety and the intensity that just.
- [37:43]
B
Stops looking attractive for the intimacy piece. Because I think even anyone, regardless of where they're at in relationships, if they are not in a relationship, they're just connecting deeper with themselves. If they're in relationships relationship and they want to connect deeper with their partner or take more accountability for their roles and thing with their partner. Or if you're a manifesting partner. What do you think the best tool? I'm like thinking indexing of all the TBM stuff. Like definitely the inner child workshop. But I'm like, what else can help them grow that window of tolerance with intimacy?
- [38:13]
C
It's a mother wound. Like, that's where I would do the unblocked inner child. And I would specifically do it around your mom. And with the mom, the needs are nurturance, guidance, protection. So you go through and you look at where, where in nurturance, guidance, protection, where's that need not being met? And you create your magnetic mom, you create divine feminine energy, and you re parent and you learn on a subconscious level how to tolerate and how to receive intimacy and how to take it in. That will start slowly expanding your tolerance to it. And again, it's gonna sound funny because usually the people that they're like, no, I'm craving intimacy. I can't get enough intimacy. You know, when you're with your threshold of tolerance with an available person, that's not that way. So you actually do need to go back and reparent your inner child through all the different stages, which with learning to tolerate that intimacy and that will absolutely grow your capacity and your desire to have it.
- [39:22]
B
I mean, even hearing the imbalance of wanting to feel a power dynamic above your partner is a sign of having a lesser connection with your level of intimacy. That's eye opening too, because it's like how many times in relationships have one partner felt they had the upper hand or, or more sense of control or whatever. And it's like, oh, that's actually just my protection mechanisms coming in to protect me from the intimacy. That feels really scary.
- [39:51]
C
Exactly.
- [39:52]
B
One other piece on this shadow and integrating shadow. I think the meet your shadow DI is great for this. I think the self love DI is great for this. But when you're dating or a friendship or just in conflict or you're irritation with someone else, that's another example of reconnecting with your intimacy because you are not allowing yourself to do the thing that they're doing. So how can you take your power back and be like, actually it's not a them problem, it's a me problem. Not being able to allow myself to rest or have that space or to do whatever that thing is. You can change that window of tolerance with our meet your shadow Di and then with the self love one which is, is so good.
- [40:36]
A
So let's give a play by play self love. You're wanting more of a deeper connection in your current relationship. Calling in a partner. Maybe you've been doing that for quite some time. Genderless, you know, sexuality lists like all the. All the thing. Straight up. Anyone in this position right now, Any of the positions. What, what's the play by play?
- [41:00]
B
I would say authentic code exercise the first week of our authenticity challenge. Who is your authentic self? I would say stripped Di. Who are you at your core? Like remove all of the outside programming. Now you have a good sense of self two. Now the barriers. That's when I would take that nurturing guidance mother. Exactly what Janelle said through our inner child Di unblocked Di like really give yourself what you didn't get. And then if there's still some shadow coming up or any other parts of self you're having hard time loving self love di meet your shadow. That would be my 1, 2, 3, punch.
- [41:41]
C
We can also talk about the opposite side of this too. Some people right now, if they're calling in love and they are out of alignment and it's what's interesting, their intimacy and tolerance could be that they, they're partnered with somebody that doesn't truly doesn't have the capacity to meet their needs. They might have the willingness, but they don't have the capacity. And they subconsciously did this as their own intimacy buffer. But maybe they're breaking through. And again, there are times where we can hide behind staying and doing the work. And there's other times where the work is in the leaving. And we've all talked about the this before, but that can be kind of a sneaky way. We could stay with a nice person and hide because we don't want to face breakup and all of the stuff that that comes with it too. Everybody's situation is so unique and so different and there's nuance. But I want to name that too because for some there is. There's an invitation to leave.
- [42:45]
B
For some, I mean, I can imagine with this year of shedding and stripping, it's getting really clear with, okay, is this an invitation to connect with myself deeper, which is going to transform my relationships, or is this a situation where in connecting with myself deeper, I realize what I'm no longer going to tolerate. Like, I realize like what my bar is, what my non negotiables are, and this person, for whatever reason, with their limitations, with the best of intentions, just can't meet you. There's. And then it's like, okay, am I going to make that hard decision?
- [43:16]
A
And even more so, like, I anticipate that many people in that position are actually going to be met with mutual feeling. The highlighting is going to become very bright for both parties. If you're someone who's even on the fence and so could potentially your partner or other relationships in your life, there's going to be an opportunity there where it's like, can we both go deeper in whatever way ways speak to us the most and have a similar goal? Or is the shedding going to happen and. Or the universe is going to be like, nope, I already know it can't. Bam.
- [43:52]
C
Yeah, exactly.
- [43:53]
B
I think also that fortifying, you know, another big theme this year with connecting to that authenticity is like sourcing that safety within that as this stuff happens and as these, it can be really scary to think about changing a partnership, especially, especially if you've been in one for a long time, or changing a friendship, especially if you've been connected to someone for a really long time. But it's like no matter how fearful it may be in your mind, you stepping through that fear to do what feels so aligned and right for you is going to reward you tenfold on the other side of that happening. So just know that even if you are one of those people out there who's like, dang, I do have to make this hard decision and I'm really scared to do it and I have been playing it safe in this relationship or in this friendship. The universe is with you. It's going to help you make that transition and help you out so much.
- [44:48]
A
On the other side and with the other party too.
- [44:53]
C
Yeah.
- [44:53]
A
So if you're not leaving out of guilt or whatever, the universe is equally holding and guiding the other party.
- [45:00]
C
Yeah. I think it's Glennon Doyle says, like there's no thing such such thing as a one way liberation. And it's true. And that person might not feel it initially, but down the road. Yes.
- [45:09]
B
So good. Well, happy day of self love is what I'm going to call it for today and we will see you guys next time. Bye bye bye. Thank you guys so much for tuning in today. I hope you enjoyed that episode and since you are already listening in right now, you might as well start start your journey of manifesting and reprogramming your beliefs today. So if you are a member, you can head over to our app and if you're not a member yet, click the link in the show notes to join and start reprogramming your subconscious. If you go into our DI library, you can choose any DI that speaks to you right now. Take the next 10 minutes, the next 20 minutes start the practice of changing your brain. If you want to do any of the ones we talked about in the episode, you can do the inner child di, the unblocked di, the self love di, the meet your shadow DI or the stripped di. Any of those will be thematically similar to what we talked about in today's episode. Or just follow your intuition. What calls to you, what speaks to you? Which one do you feel like you're needing right now? You can sort them by time and even just pop in and do a 10 or 15 minute one. Enjoy.