EXPANDED Podcast Ep. 342

Top Tips for Self-Love, Manifesting Love, & a Deeper Connection with Your Partner

Date: February 14, 2025
Hosts: Lacy Phillips and Jessica Gill, with guest expert Janelle

Overview

In this special Valentine's Day episode, Lacy Phillips, Jessica Gill, and guest expert Janelle dive deep into the science and psychology behind manifesting love—whether that's self-love, new relationships, or more profound connection with a partner. The discussion unpacks limiting subconscious beliefs, societal conditioning, and practical exercises to transform your love life. The tone is candid, supportive, and insight-rich, with a focus on empowering listeners to align with their authentic selves.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reframing Valentine's Day & The Energetics of Love

• Valentine’s Day Roots: Lacy reframes the holiday as a marker of newness and growth, not just romance.
  • "What does that bring? That brings new light, that brings new energy, it brings hope that we're coming into that fertility time of season, of new growth." (Lacy, 09:51)
• Energetics Forecast: 2025 is a transformative year—expect major shifts in self-worth and relationship patterns over the next 3–4 months.

2. Self-Worth: The Foundation of Love Manifestation

• Core Message: Everything in love—self-love, relationships, and even friendship—boils down to self-worth.
  • “We only have what we feel worthy of and what we've believed to see as possible for ourselves.” (Lacy, 10:55)
• Authentic Essence: Manifestation works when you connect to your true, authentic self and seek partners or friends who energetically support your unique gifts.
• Deep Imagining Exercise: The ‘Strip DI’ hypnosis helps you reprogram limiting beliefs and connect to your core essence.

3. Love Languages Applied to the Self

• Self-Love Languages: Jessica highlights expressing your love language (e.g., quality time, words of affirmation) toward yourself, not just others.
  • “How are you speaking to yourself? Are you speaking kindly? Are you speaking with love?” (Jessica, 14:04)

4. Debunking the Spark and Intensity Myth

• Janelle’s Insight: Culturally, we mistake emotional “intensity” for love, but often big sparks can signal trauma patterns or unhealthy dynamics.
  • “A very common block is the belief that intensity equals love… That could be narcissistic love bombing... But we think it's activation and butterflies, so it must be it. Instead, you go on a date with a nice guy and it might have just been neutral, but there was no red flags.” (Janelle, 15:53)

5. Perfectionism and “Tests” in Relationships

• Letting Go of the Fantasies: Perfectionism is a block. When your self-worth is high, you’re not seeking someone to “fix” you or fill a void.
• Healthy Love ≠ Fairy Tale: They discuss the need to discard fairy tale ideals promoted by media, culture, and even children’s stories.
  • “We need to take a look at that [fairy tale culture] and witness the subconscious programming we have of that... and the lack we have of integrated healthy love.” (Lacy, 22:15)

6. Healthy Partnership Dynamics & Intimacy Thresholds

• Autonomy over Codependency: Healthy relationships are two whole, authentic people coming together, not merging in unhealthy ways.
  • “Each person should be fully autonomous, fully in their own authentic energy... At that point, it's a partnership, right?” (Lacy, 25:44)
• Intimacy Tolerance: We match the level of intimacy we’re actually able to tolerate. If attracted to the unavailable, often we unconsciously cannot tolerate deeper vulnerability.
  • “We match to the level of intimacy we can tolerate... That person doesn't—isn't in their whole self.” (Janelle, 26:11)

7. Tools for Deepening Self-Love & Intimacy

• Practical Pathway: Jessica outlines a transformative protocol:
  • 1. Authentic Code Exercise: Identify your authentic self.
  • 2. Strip DI: Remove outside programming.
  • 3. Inner Child Work (Mother Wound): Address unmet needs for nurturance, guidance, and protection, especially with the mother.
  • 4. Shadow Work: Use “Meet Your Shadow” and “Self-Love DI” to integrate shadow aspects.
  • “That would be my 1, 2, 3, punch.” (Jessica, 41:40)
• Relationships as Mirrors: Pay attention to subtle attunement in couples—behind-the-scenes care, not just big gestures or “power couple” images.
  • “How are they speaking to each other at night? How are they navigating conflict?... That's the stuff where it's actually going to shift your reality versus the superficial.” (Jessica, 29:49)

8. Navigating Endings and New Beginnings

• Relationships Can End as Growth: Sometimes deepening love means leaving situations that can’t meet your authentic needs.
  • “There are times where we can hide behind staying and doing the work. And there's other times where the work is in the leaving.” (Janelle, 41:40)
  • “You stepping through that fear to do what feels so aligned and right for you is going to reward you tenfold.” (Jessica, 43:53)
• Mutual Growth in Breakups: The universe supports both parties in liberating decisions.
  • “If you're not leaving out of guilt or whatever, the universe is equally holding and guiding the other party.” (Lacy, 44:52)
  • “There's no such thing as a one way liberation.” (Janelle, quoting Glennon Doyle, 45:00)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Lacy:

  • “Energetics of love comes down to self worth. We only have what we feel worthy of and what we've believed to see as possible for ourselves.” (10:55)
  • "Normalizing that both parties in a relationship are in their whole worthy, authentic selves manifesting the life that they want individually and together." (25:44)

• Jessica:

  • “How you give love, how you share love, etc. How are you connecting to yourself on that as well?” (14:04)
  • "If we're like, God, I need this partner so I can be X, so I can do X. You gotta really be honest with yourself." (17:25)

• Janelle:

  • “A very common block that I see most is the belief that intensity equals love... That could not be farther from the truth when manifesting actual healthy love.” (15:53)
  • “You match to the level of intimacy you can tolerate... Increase your threshold of intimacy, because that's really what you want.” (26:11)
  • "It's a process of detoxing and healing to where you do want... nourishing love." (37:02)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Love, Self-worth, and Energetics Overview: 09:51–14:00
• Love Languages for Self: 14:04–15:35
• Intensity Myth in Love (Janelle): 15:53–17:18
• Healthy Love vs. Fairy Tales: 21:13–23:33
• Dating Culture Trends & Autonomy: 23:33–26:11
• Intimacy Threshold and Patterns: 26:11–29:49
• Subtle Relationship Expanders: 29:49–31:28
• Practical Steps for Manifesting Love: 41:00–42:44
• Navigating Endings: 42:44–45:00

Action Steps & Resources (As Outlined On-Air)

• Do the Authentic Code exercise – clarify your core values and qualities.
• Strip DI (Deep Imagining): Reprogram limiting beliefs and embody authenticity.
• Inner Child/Mother Wound Work: Address unmet needs for nurturance, guidance, and protection.
• Meet Your Shadow DI & Self-Love DI: Integrate shadow and cultivate inner love.
• Observe Subconscious Programming & Expansion: Examine fairy tale influences and seek relationship “expanders”—but focus on loving, attuned behaviors, not surface achievements.
• Decide with Authenticity: Sometimes growth means leaving. Don’t stay in situations where your needs can never be met.

Final Reflection

The episode normalizes the ups and downs of relationships, emphasizing that integrated, healthy love is attainable—and often more magical—than any fairy tale. The hosts encourage listeners to get radically honest with themselves, use TBM’s practical tools, and remember that the universe supports authentic expansion, whether that means deepening love or letting go.

Key Takeaway:
Manifesting love—romantic, platonic, or self—always starts with authenticity and self-worth, not external validation or fantasy narratives.