Expanded Podcast Ep. 371

How to Reframe Jealousy and Step Into Your Power with Elise Loehnen

Date: September 5, 2025
Host: Jessica Ashley Gill (To Be Magnetic™)
Guest: Elise Loehnen, NYT bestselling author, podcaster, and speaker

Episode Overview

This episode explores the pervasive cultural narratives—particularly for women—around goodness, jealousy, self-worth, and power. Co-host Jessica Ashley Gill welcomes Elise Loehnen to discuss her new workbook, Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness, a companion to her bestseller On Our Best Behavior. The conversation provides actionable insights and exercises for listeners ready to shift from internalized scarcity, comparison, and doing-itis toward claiming wholeness, self-trust, and authentic manifestation. Both women draw from personal experience and TBM’s Neural Manifestation™ framework to address how envy and cultural programming can both block and empower us.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origins and Perils of "Goodness" Narratives

[10:43–15:24]

• Elise identifies how her work dissects the centuries-old programming tied to being a “good woman”—self-sacrifice, suppression of wants/anger, and discomfort with money or visibility.
• She shares the emotional and practical importance of moving from simple awareness ("consciousness is the most important step") to integration and action:

  "To identify the limiting subconscious belief and then work it out of your psyche and choose something else instead, is very much what this companion workbook is." (Elise Loehnen, 11:22)

• The workbook offers tools to claim new stories and paths, rooted in one's true self rather than collective expectations.

2. Recognizing Shared Cultural Blocks

[15:24–19:31]

• Relief in naming these patterns as collective, not personal failures:

  “All women, humans, everyone needs to read to really understand what are the cultural narratives and stories that are so pervasive in us.” (Jessica, 13:55)

• Exploration of cultural "sins" and how they manifest in career, relationships, and self-identity.
• The critical importance of community and “expanders”—those who show us what’s possible.

3. Overwork, Burnout, and the Danger of “Doing-It-All”

[19:31–24:23]

• Elise explains the chronic belief:

  "I'm the only one who can do it right, so I should do it all." (Elise, 19:34)

• She links this to childhood dynamics, cultural messages, and the illusion of control—acknowledging how these drives can be both self-affirming and self-destructive.
• The emotional cost of tying self-worth to utility and over-functioning surfaces:

  “I don’t know if I have any value to people if I’m not serving them… My identity is so structured around this belief.” (Elise, 23:11)

4. The Role of Family, Culture, and Internal Personas

[24:23–29:25]

• Elise discusses how programming emerges not just in family, but via societal messages:

  “It’s so hard to parent against the culture.” (24:43)

• She shares anecdotes about inherited scarcity, particularly through the “bag lady” persona modeled by her mother, and the anxious behaviors around money that ensued—even if those circumstances were not logically present.
• Listeners are encouraged to externalize and “interview” their own internal Personas as a method of compassionate self-inquiry.

5. Rewiring the Narrative & Somatic Practices

[29:25–32:06]

• Jessica emphasizes the body’s role in holding and metabolizing these fears and stories.
• Elise and Jessica discuss the importance of observing “protector parts” and not simply overriding them:

  “It feels so merged with us... Even if we know another route, why can't I shake this intensity?” (Jessica, 29:25)

• They share how embodiment and gentle awareness help in decoupling old fear-based narratives.

6. Practical Exercise: "Teaching the Class"

[32:06–34:23]

• Elise details an irreverent exercise from her workbook:
  • Imagine teaching a class to a group of young women, passing on this limiting belief ("I must do it all")—which exposes its absurdity and motivates change.
  • Jessica shares personal breakthrough moments around delegating in her home and work life.

7. The Visibility Trap: Pride, Envy, and Scarcity

[39:33–44:42]

• Elise unpacks the collective fear around female visibility and success—how pride and envy are closely linked, and why culture punishes women who “shine too big.”
• Quotes:

  “We live in a culture… that destroys visible women and prides itself on putting women back in their place. Collectively, we can tolerate a certain amount of success… before it becomes too much.” (Elise, 39:33)

• The pair stress the urgency of shifting from rivalry and scarcity to supporting each other as expanders:

  “The more that we switch it from threat to expander, the more we start using each other as models for our own freedom, the faster we can shift this culture.” (Elise, 15:24 / echoed later)

8. Expanding Through Discomfort and Shadow Work

[44:42–48:47]

• Jessica describes consciously seeking expanders who have survived backlash, envy, and sustained their visibility—unpacking fears around being “cut down.”
• Both reflect on the impossibility and dangers of being “universally liked,” and the necessity of shadow work:

  “Owning all those disclaimed parts of us. Owning the fact that yeah, sometimes I can be mean and that's okay, I'm human rather than constructing a very rigid personality.” (Elise, 47:10)

• They discuss how integrity, self-inquiry, and honest feedback are crucial as one gains influence.

9. Modeling Healthy Empowerment and Community

[53:35–58:37]

• Jessica reflects on how deep shadow work has shifted her away from jealousy and judgment—modeling radical compassion for herself and others.
• Both affirm that the deeper you go, the more challenging, but also more rewarding, this work becomes.
• Elise passionately calls for women to step behind one another, highlighting the creative, nurturing, and leadership potential that is already present:

  “No one’s going to give it to us. We actually have it. If we can just learn how to use it.” (Elise, 58:32)

10. Closing Thoughts: Trust and Integration

[58:37–61:11]

• Jessica and Elise close by emphasizing that we must trust ourselves and each other, shifting from looking outward for permission or safety to owning our inner power.
• Quote ([59:50]):

  “So often we waste so much time questioning it… just taking that action, just continuing to show up, trusting that you’ll tweak and iterate as you need to. But just go for it.” (Jessica)

• Elise underscores the centrality of trust:

  “Trusting the universe and trusting ourselves… and, in time… really starting to trust each other—I think that’s all we need.” (Elise, 59:50)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Elise on cultural programming:

  "The instinct when we're not conscious is to deprecate, destroy, judge, silence, police…The shift move…is…no, if she can do it, you can do it too. It's a testament to what's possible." [15:24]

• Jessica on normalization:

  "Even naming—hey, you're not alone in this. … Let's start to peel it back…because they're just so pervasive." [17:53]

• Elise on busy-ness as a shield:

  “That busyness is our way of quelling all of our existential anxiety and keeping our feelings at bay.” [19:31]

• On teaching the class of your limiting story:

  "Imagine you’re teaching this class of 20-year-old women…making sure this is true. … You just start to understand…the ways you are keeping this story going…” (Elise, 32:06)

• Elise on visibility and envy:

  “It’s like, almost impossible to find a woman who has maintained relevancy in the public eye without being destroyed…You just have to say, she’s a bad friend…That’s enough. She’s done.” [39:33]

• Jessica, on practical manifestation & community:

  “Find those expanders, connect with community…Now is that time to double down and…trust muscle that what you want is so possible, that it is on your heart for a reason.” [07:44]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Introduction & Book Tour Details: 01:13–08:51
• Interview Starts—Workbook Integration: 10:43
• Expanding, Sins, and Cultural Narratives: 13:55
• Overwork, Burnout, Childhood, Scarcity: 19:31–29:25
• Personas & Somatic Practice: 24:43–32:06
• Teaching the Class Exercise: 32:06–34:23
• Delegating, Letting Go of Control: 34:23–36:14
• Visibility, Envy, Judgement: 39:33–44:42
• Shadow Work, Receiving Feedback: 46:47–54:53
• Empowerment and Inner Trust: 58:37–61:11

Episode Takeaways

• Manifestation and liberation require both personal and collective work—identifying blocks, seeing them as both individual and systemic, and then dismantling them through awareness, integration, and community.
• We are wired for connection and impact; shifting from competition and judgment to expansion and support accelerates growth for all.
• Practical tools and self-compassion are essential to rewiring deeply embedded patterns. It is possible to transcend scarcity and step into wholeness—now, not someday.
• Trust—of self, of others, of the process—remains the linchpin for empowered manifestation and cultural change.

Resources Mentioned:

• On Our Best Behavior and Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness by Elise Loehnen
• Pulling the Thread podcast (Elise Loehnen)
• TBM Pathway Membership, workshops, and Deep Imaginings
• "Teaching the Class" exercise and somatic integration practices

Connect with Elise:

• Instagram: @elise_luna
• [Podcast & Substack: Pulling the Thread]

Connect with TBM/Expanded:

• tobemagnetic.com