Ep. 382 - From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust: The Process with Karin Hadadan

Summary

Podcast Summary: EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™

Episode 382: From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust: The Process with Karin Hadidan
Air date: November 21, 2025
Host(s): Natalie, Lacey (TBM), featuring Karin Hadidan

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the journey from self-doubt to self-trust, exploring what it truly means to “return to self.” Through the candid, transformative story of author Karin Hadidan, listeners learn how identity, childhood imprints, cultural programming, and inner work blend in the process of deeply reconnecting with authenticity—and why this is the foundation for sustainable manifestation. The episode is a heartfelt exploration of embracing all parts of oneself, somatic healing, and the joy that comes from embodying worthiness, with actionable insights into integrating the TBM tools for radical self-acceptance.

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Key Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. The Season of “Cocooning” and TBM’s End of Year Challenge

• The hosts discuss collective exhaustion and the need for rituals that ground and nurture the nervous system.
• This year’s "Return to Magic 15 Day Manifestation Challenge" is positioned as a path to reconnecting with authenticity via inner child work.
• Lacey: “In those small moments that we choose ourselves, we really honor the magic we bring to this earth.” [01:01]

2. Karin Hadidan’s Pre-TBM Journey: Achieving Without Inner Peace

• Karin began TBM to heal chronic illness, not specifically for love or career, despite already having success in those areas.
  • Faced repeated cycles of “not enough” and “too much” feelings rooted in childhood and cultural upbringing.
  • Achievements felt hollow: “When I was on number five on Amazon best sellers, it was actually a crushing moment for me… it’s not number one, so gotta work harder.” [13:00]
• The realization: fulfillment can’t be found purely in external achievements but in aligning with her higher self’s frequency.
  • “When that happens, the career, the opportunities, the love of my life, the body—everything else will energetically align.” [13:56]

3. Childhood Imprints & Cultural Programming

• Karin describes a loving Armenian immigrant upbringing, but one where emotions—especially “negative” ones—were rarely processed.
• Parents’ survival and scarcity modes inadvertently transferred beliefs about safety and worth.
• The “too muchness”/“not enoughness” root belief reinforced in school and relationships.

4. Emotional Release and Somatic Healing

• Karin struggled to feel and express difficult emotions, holding years of pain in her body and developing chronic illness (endometriosis).
• Breathwork became her route to emotional release:
  • First major release happened during a holotropic breathwork class after the instructor told her, “You are safe to feel. Let it go, let it go, let it go.” [21:48]
• “I did not start crying … up until maybe two and a half years ago. … Now I cry without even needing to attach a story to it.” [24:03]
• She underscores the importance of somatic (body-based) healing alongside mental/emotional processing.

5. Reprocessing & Gratitude for the Inner Child

• Doing shadow work through TBM allowed Karin to grieve, tend, and ultimately release attachment to past versions of herself.
  • “When you finally feel the depth of those emotions that your inner child never felt, and you grieve that, you’re able to put that version of you to rest without any attachment.” [27:16]
• This self-parenting brings “deep, unshakable gratitude” for all versions of self and the imperfect journey.

6. School System Micro-Traumas & Loss of Authenticity

• Karin shares the defining moment of shrinking her identity:
  • At age 7, peers laughed at her Armenian name, and she adopted a more “American” version (“Karen Hadadin”) for 18 years.
  • “That was when I lost my authenticity.” [36:40]
• The powerful ripple effect of reclaiming her name and identity: “I no longer want to suppress who I am… Did extraordinary aligned people come in from that? Oh my God, yeah.” [40:15]

7. Authentic Visibility, Expansion, and Trust

• Reclaiming her name and accepting her wholeness led to new layers of confidence, self-trust, and flow.
• Major story: Her first live poetry performance. Initially motivated by ego/romantic possibilities, she shifted to pure self-expression:
  • “When my body finally felt safe being seen… I just felt like my 8-year-old self who loved to do plays… I was so in my body. I was so, so magnetic because I was operating from wholeness.” [44:55]
• Audience impact was moving, but even when book sales were low, she recognized her inner child’s healing as the real “win.”
  • “That day could have looked so differently. … But I took that as: I gave my inner child a stage that she would be marveling at.” [47:12]

8. The Surrender of Manifestation & Detachment from Outcomes

• Karin describes a deep shift from striving for specifics, to releasing control and living in genuine surrender.
  • “Each time I say I want something, I’ve already put a limit on it because I’m like, I want it this way. And God is not on a budget...” [49:51]
  • “The present moment is the miracle. I am the miracle.” [50:16]

9. Tangible Tools and Integrating Visibility

• Internal blockages around visibility extend far beyond social media—they often start with our willingness to even see ourselves.
• Karin’s healing practice: Sitting naked in front of the mirror, holding parts of her body, and practicing loving acceptance.
  • “Slowly, I started to see my soul, not my physical body… now, because I see my soul, because I see myself—the love, that’s what I am.” [59:30]
• Suggests similar “gazing exercises” and self-attunement to all listeners, emphasizing the power of ritual and conscious self-connection.

10. Ego Death as a Pathway to Soul

• Profound ego deaths—romantic, professional, physical—stripped away the illusion of lack and forced Karin into radical self-love.
  • Example: Meeting a “dream partner” who left suddenly, which propelled her into a solo trip and deeper communion with her soul.
  • “I don’t need anyone to make me feel loved. I have all of the love inside of me.” [64:11]

11. The Stillness Prescription

• For “good student archetypes” or those who overwork at healing, Karin prescribes stillness, presence, and only acting from a place of curiosity and love—not fear.
  • “Am I doing this because I need to fix something or because I want a certain outcome? Or am I doing this because I’m genuinely curious and want to show love to myself?” [72:19]
• Natalie and Lacey expand on how practices like DI (deep imagining) are best used as daily tools for self-connection, not as a punishment or “fix.”

12. Spiritual and Human Duality

• The true purpose of inner work isn’t detachment from humanity or pain—instead, it’s the deepening of presence in every moment of embodied experience.
  • “The point was to stay in that energy of love and wholeness… in the human world. … Our souls will miss all of this. … The only outcome you ever want is to be fully alive in each moment, whatever that holds.” [76:53]

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• Karin Hadidan:

  • “I just know that if I show up authentically without suppressing myself, then I’m inviting other people to do the same. And when the entire world does that, just imagine the amount of love that would overpower all the pain in everyone’s life. The world really does need my light.” [00:00]
  • “I didn’t feel inner peace. I was constantly pushing for the next thing without simmering where I was.” [12:45]
  • “If my body did not change until now, until the day that I die, how would I live? Would I hate it?” [57:20]
  • “The present moment is the miracle. I am the miracle.” [50:16]
  • “Once you arrive and once you remember who you are—and I don’t mean your authentic code. I mean your essence, your divinity—you will never believe that you are too much because how could you be? You are an expression of God.” [69:56]

• Natalie:

  • “It’s in the contrast that everything feels so good. You can’t experience that joy without that hardship. So it’s just like the acceptance of all of it.” [29:48]
  • “If we can just get our monkey minds out of the way and actually witness the miracle of the present moment…” [48:00]
  • “We have to have that balance between the two parts of self. That is the journey—the return to self, the return to magic.” [76:05]

• Lacey:

  • “If you are walking into this season feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, exhausted, tested, triggered in love, money, career, relationships… you are not alone. It has been a massive year of endings, ego deaths and transformation cycles. And when that happens, it’s always your inner child, your safety, your self-worth … that takes the hit.” [52:30]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-03:00 — Introduction and thematic setup (authenticity, return to self, collective burnout)
• 10:08-13:56 — Karin’s pre-TBM life, success without fulfillment
• 17:00-20:02 — Childhood, family roots, cultural programming, and lessons about emotions
• 20:48-25:06 — Karin’s journey to feeling emotions, breakthrough via breathwork
• 27:01-28:53 — Shadow work, grieving and integrating the inner child
• 36:40-40:15 — School-age loss of authenticity, reclaiming her name and identity
• 42:49-47:13 — Public speaking breakthrough, embracing visibility and its lessons
• 49:18-50:45 — Surrender, detachment from outcomes, “present as the miracle”
• 56:40-61:09 — Tangible practices for healing, “mirror work” for body image and self-love
• 62:32-63:22 — Gazing practices; connecting with the soul as a daily ritual
• 63:22-67:31 — Romantic ego death leading to true inner union
• 69:16-72:56 — Mini ego deaths, learning to trust stillness, curiosity-driven action
• 74:07-79:26 — Last reflections on ongoing practice, living present, and new book announcement

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Additional Resources & Where to Find Karin Hadidan

• Instagram: @icietnu (French for “here and now”)
• Substack: Karin Hadidan (her favorite writing platform)
• TikTok: @karinhadidan

All books and latest updates are linked via her Instagram bio and on Amazon. Her next book, "When Nothing Makes Sense: Finding God in the Gap Between Prayer and Answer" is coming soon.

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Closing Reflection

This episode is a masterclass on the lived experience of manifestation—where the greatest magic is returning to one’s soul through deep self-trust and acceptance. Karin’s story offers permission and inspiration for anyone feeling stuck, “too much,” invisible, or exhausted by the pursuit of external validation. Through nervous system nurture, inner child work, conscious surrender, and ritual, she models the path from self-doubt to embodied self-trust.

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For more episodes, tools, or to join the “Return to Magic” challenge, visit tobemagnetic.com.

Transcript

[Karin Hadidan]

I just know that if I show up authentically without suppressing myself, then I'm inviting other people to do the same. And when the entire world does that, just imagine the amount of love that would overpower all the pain in everyone's life. The world really does need my light.

[Lacey]

What does it feel like to come back to self? To return to your soul's essence, your purpose, your magic, your gifts? In today's episode, we are exploring that with author Karin Haddon and how she utilized the TBM tools to return to self. It's in those small moments that we choose ourselves that we really honor the magic we bring to this earth. And we can finally see the beauty that not only is all around us, but also within us and radiating from within us. It feels like this is the theme of the season right now. So many people I'm talking to are burnt out, exhausted, at max capacity, cannot wait to just cocoon and ground into those small rituals this time of year.

[Natalie]

And I talked about this in a recent podcast episode.

[Lacey]

But the intensity for busyness and urgency for busyness is higher than ever before.

[Natalie]

And it's funny because when we as a team at TBM decided to craft.

[Lacey]

You know, what this end of year challenge was going to be, we decided back in June, like, we were sitting.

[Natalie]

Around talking about the profound impacts that the Money Challenge had on everyone and.

[Lacey]

Seeing what was going on with everyone, and we're like, okay, what's the next step? You know, where do we take people from here? And also just noticing collective themes.

[Natalie]

Like, so many people have gone through transitions this year.

[Lacey]

Breakups, career shifts, identity shifts, ego deaths. We have all gone through the collective consciousness evolution ringer this year. And the thing that kept coming up again and again was that returning to self. And we're like, okay, what's the best way to do that? And it's through our inner child.

[Natalie]

I was recording an episode with Taylor.

[Lacey]

Page from Angels and Amethyst, and she said that our inner child is our spirit guide, reminding us of our authenticity, reconnecting us to our authenticity actually holds the keys to our gifts to our magic and oftentimes our inner child, this essence that was just innately wanting to emanate from within us, we lose touch with, we lose sight of, because there's so much programming and pain and shame and not getting our needs met through those developmental phases that we don't actually feel safe to connect with those pieces. So this year's end of year challenge is the return to Magic 15 Day Manifestation Challenge. It is your soft landing To a crazy year. It is the, the nurturing and the cocooning and the nervous system regulation that we're all craving, but also the one that's really gonna move the needle on your manifestation practice.

[Natalie]

If you can build that sense of.

[Lacey]

Security and trust and really strong internal.

[Natalie]

Boundaries from within, from the phases of development that they needed to be developed.

[Lacey]

In an inner child. You are in such a good place come 2026, no matter what happens.

[Natalie]

So I know I am so excited.

[Lacey]

To go in and do this challenge.

[Natalie]

For all of those reasons and really.

[Lacey]

Just touch base with any aspects of self that I may have never even felt safe to allow to come online. You know, so many times we're searching.

[Natalie]

For a reconnection with our authenticity, and our authenticity might even be a part.

[Lacey]

Of those shadow aspects we don't allow ourselves to step into.

[Natalie]

That was one big revelation for me. If you guys saw the announcement of the challenge theme reel that we put.

[Lacey]

On the to be Magnetic Instagram, I finally felt safe and comfortable to like dance and be goofy and silly and.

[Natalie]

So much on the podcast.

[Lacey]

I'm like, I'm your podcast interviewer.

[Natalie]

Welcome, guys.

[Lacey]

And I think for the first time.

[Natalie]

Especially while developing this challenge and putting.

[Lacey]

Into practice the tools from the challenge, I was like, wait. I actually feel safe to express this other side of me.

[Natalie]

And not that one side is more real than the other. They're all different parts of me. But it was really nice to slowly start to see and feel into what.

[Lacey]

That'S like, when we can embody all aspects of our fullest expression. And today in the episode with Karine, she really talks about that process for her over this past year and how to really reconnect with it. So if you are a member returning, this is your favorite workshop.

[Natalie]

The workshop that has truly been the thing that you've heard time and time again.

[Lacey]

Inner Child.

[Natalie]

But we have totally revamped it. It's all your favorite stuff in there, but a lot more simplistic to go through, a lot easier to go through, a lot more effective to go through because you're taking one theme through the entire space.

[Lacey]

Brand new deep imaginings. If you have not been a member before, it is the perfect time to join.

[Natalie]

I always tell people every time we craft these challenges, they are in mind.

[Lacey]

For the brand new person and all.

[Natalie]

Of our members of Attorney, which is.

[Lacey]

No easy feat to nail both.

[Natalie]

But I feel like we really managed to grasp that.

[Lacey]

So if you have been getting the.

[Natalie]

Ping, if you've been wanting to join tbm, if any part of you is like, wow. I really, I really do wanna nurture my inner child.

[Lacey]

I really do wanna reclaim my magic. I really do wanna regulate my nervous.

[Natalie]

System, want to be intentional and have.

[Lacey]

A ritual that makes me feel like magic.

[Natalie]

This season, please join us.

[Lacey]

We have our big end of year sale going on, 30% off. We never go that low.

[Natalie]

But we just really want you guys.

[Lacey]

To get in here and make sure to sign up for our newsletter because over Black Friday, we're having a slightly even steeper discount for newsletter subscribers only.

[Natalie]

So get in there. It's only for the weekend of Black.

[Lacey]

Friday and then we'll go back to our 30% off sale. This work has absolutely transformed my life.

[Natalie]

Like, would not be the person I am today without this work, hands down. And I've seen it totally transform tens of thousands of people. I get DMS every day of the impact this work being in Austin this past week.

[Lacey]

I mean, the people coming up to.

[Natalie]

Me and sharing their stories and sobbing.

[Lacey]

About how this has truly changed them.

[Natalie]

Like, this is no light feat. This is a big deal. And I really, I'm just so amazed at all of you for putting in.

[Lacey]

The work, for showing up for yourselves.

[Natalie]

For committing to yourselves, for knowing that if you're feeling that stuckness, that stagnation.

[Lacey]

That lack of clarity, that there is a better way and your soul is calling for it.

[Natalie]

So if you're getting the ping, now is the best time to join.

[Lacey]

We kick off the pre week on December 1st and the challenge kicks off on December 8th. And we're going to really show up for our inner child and pull some magic out this season and really have that ritual, that grounding practice, that return to self. I can't wait to see you guys in there. And now a word from our partners. I don't know about you, but maybe it's because we're getting into the chillier months, or maybe it's just that time of year where there's so much going on. But I have been really craving stillness, gentle ritual, slow practices that bring me back into the present. That's why when I heard Anima Mundi was launching a set of ritual candles, I could not be more excited. They are launching five signature candles to start each. Handcrafted organic beeswax and pure soy. All natural dyes, toxin free, sustainably sourced, and all vibrant colors with spicy, spellbinding energy designed to elevate your altar or ritual space. Each one crafted with a different intention. One for creativity, self love, intuition, protection and prosperity. And each one is covered in A special blend of herbs and flowers to enhance each of the themes. Things like mugwort, lavender, blue lotus, hibiscus, rose petals or lemon balm. I cannot wait to pair these with my TBM practice. So as we kick off and head into the book club and of your challenge, every time I go to do my TBM work each week, I am lighting one of these candles, setting an intention and knowing that I am calling in and manifesting with this towards my highest good. It feels like the best way to just set the energy, the intention of the space before I dive into all of this healing work and all of this alchemy work that we're going to jump into this season with tbm. You can even set the candle before you have a journaling session or you're going to do some big creative project. Or if you're tapping in more to your psychic or intuitive gifts, light the candle as that intention, that north star, that guiding light to be in the space with you. If you are getting the ping to create more of an altar or a ritual for yourself to slow down this season, I highly recommend checking out the ritual candles. You can go to animamundiherbals.com and use the code tbmalcaps20 for 20% off your purchase. Again, that is TBM20 all caps for 20% off your purchase or check out the link in the show notes. And now onto the episode.

[Natalie]

Welcome Karine, to the expanded podcast. We're so excited to have you.

[Karin Hadidan]

I'm so grateful to be here. This feels like a full circle. Cause I think I shared this with you when we first connected, but I was listening to this podcast maybe like seven years ago without connecting the dots that tbm like it's you and Lacey and tbm. And then once I got into the actual TBM practice, I was like, I think my soul attracted this and aligned to this seven years ago and it took my human self a little bit to catch up, but it's a full circle. So I'm so, so grateful.

[Natalie]

I feel like your story is so expansive on so many levels besides the material things that you've manifested in career monetarily. Your voice sharing, your voice sharing, your authentic essence. One of the things that just it's so kismet that we have these process guests come at the right time and all of the things. But you're in the midst of launching your next book, which you are in that portal, that flow state of and we when this airs, we'll be kicking off our end of year challenge, which is Going back and reclaiming our authenticity in each stage of childhood development. Your story is exactly a testament to doing that work, because you had gone in and done that. So kick us off with the before tbm, what was life like? What were some of those challenges that you were that were pushing against you? What were the beliefs that were operating and that you were living from? What did that kind of look like?

[Karin Hadidan]

So the reason why I started TBM was really to heal from chronic illness. I had done absolutely everything. I had done a lot of breath work and subconscious rewiring and a lot of that work, but I wasn't experiencing sustainable freedom and I and I still wasn't getting to the root. So that was the reason why I started tbm. So it had nothing to do for me at the time regarding love or money or career. Like, I already had a really awesome job. I had already published a book. At that point, I knew what my purpose was. I manifested my dream apartment three years prior, bought it, I've manifested and attracted extraordinary opportunities and things. I think though looking back, a lot of it was really hard. I got the dream apartment, but it didn't come with ease and it didn't fully flow. I manifested a book contract, but I didn't feel worthy of it. When I was on number five on Amazon best sellers, it was actually a crushing moment for me because the first thought I had was, it's not number one, so gotta work harder. So I think that simply paints a picture of I couldn't hold the blessings in my life. Looking back, I think we all dabble with different beliefs at different stages of our lives. Ironically, I was battling the I'm not good enough, but at the same time, I'm too much. Those were my root blocks. And so when I think about the I'm not good enough, it stemmed into my career. So with my purpose, my books, my Instagram, my community, all of those things, nothing was ever enough to creatively, financially, successfully. Then when it came to my health, my body was too much. It was holding on to so much chronic pain and weight and energy. I attracted so many men that made me feel like I was too much and also not enough at the same time. So it trickled into every corner of my life. But I was still happy with my life. I was pretty content with like what I've achieved at a young age. It. There was just no inner peace. I didn't feel inner peace. I was constantly pushing for the next thing without simmering where I was. And obviously when you start tbm, you start crafting that list. So now you're thinking big, like, okay, what is it that I really want in a partner and in my actually fully aligned purpose and career? And then I slowly started to get attached to those outcomes. And then I took a step back and I was like, no, starting TBM is actually not about my health. It's not about a man. It's not about my career. It's actually about manifesting or aligning to the frequency of my higher self. Because when that happens, the career, the opportunities, the love of my life, the body, everything else will energetically aligned to that frequency. So kind of where I was pre tbm, and here we are now.

[Natalie]

I love your approach to this because I think that speaks to so many people that there are things in their life that's working and there are things that are like in their life that are comfortable, but there's a repeating pattern or an issue or something that just keeps coming up that you're like, there's gotta be a better way to approach this, or there's gotta be a better way to experience this. Especially getting on the Amazon bestseller list and feeling nothing but disappointment and judgment and. And shame or criticism is not how you want to experience getting on the Amazon bestseller list. You want to get on that list and be like, riding high and feeling so proud and joyful of your work. And so then the question comes is like, well, why? Why can't I feel that joy? Why does this feel so hard? Why does my body feel out of whack? Why do I have the external things that should make me happy, but they're not? That is where the work really comes in. And I love your approach to not even going necessarily for those material things. It's like, let's get to the root. And that's kind of why I love manifestation in general. Because it's almost like the sugar with medicine. You sometimes need to set your goal on that material thing at first just to get. Get you to dive into that inner work. And then once you start to see the inner work is where it's at. That's where the magic is. That's where your soul is. That's where the best feelings you're actually chasing are. Then your manifestation list starts to look a lot more like embodiment practices than it does all these external goals. Because like you said, then it just.

[Lacey]

Starts to come naturally.

[Natalie]

You don't even need to say, like, I want XYZ career things. It's just like, I want to feel like this in career and be expressing like this in career, and then all the opportunities that allow you to do that just start flooding in naturally. So I love that approach to it.

[Lacey]

I think it's so important.

[Natalie]

What was your childhood upbringing and cultural background?

[Karin Hadidan]

So I grew up with Armenian parents. I'm Middle Eastern. I had the most beautiful childhood, truly. My parents gave nothing but unconditional love. They were so present. My mom would cook dinner every night. We would sit at the table. My brother, myself, my dad, my mom, every evening. I was very rooted in my cultural background. I went to Armenian day school up until first grade. I did Armenian dance up until 18 years old. I went to two different Armenian sleepaway camps in the summer. Saturday school, Sunday school. Like, faith was really at the core value of my family. Family was at the core of it. It was so vibrant. It was so beautiful. I sometimes look at my mom and dad, and I'm like, how did you move to a new country? My dad came here when he was 18, by himself. No parents, no money, nothing. Finessed a green card, Got two full scholarships to play soccer. Division one and division three. I'm like, how does that happen? I can't live without you guys. Like, I'm. I need to, like, hug you guys once a week. How did you do that? And then my mom came here when she was nine years old. Her parents never even learned English, so she was, like, doing the tax forms and bought her first car for, like, a couple hundred bucks. They did so well for themselves, but they were in survival mode. They were in scarcity mode. And so I think subconsciously, right, like, they weren't consciously trying to teach that or offer that to my brother and I, but that was some of the things that I had picked up as a child. I didn't fully feel aligned to some of those things, but I was like, okay. Like, I guess that's how things are. Joy and laughing and all of that were really embraced in my household. But tears and anger, Like, I was never really taught what that is and how to feel it and how to process it. So going back to my core block of I'm too much, you know, I always felt like I was too sensitive or I was of kind feeling too deeply. And just think about, like, chronic pain with endometriosis, which is what I had. All of that undigested emotion just sitting in my root chakra, basically, that was my upbringing. But I look back now, and I just think about myself, like, as a little girl. It all just makes sense. I love performing. I wanted to be a star. I loved using my voice. I loved helping people. I was the black sheep in my family. I was the only creative one. I loved being front and center in every childhood video. If there's like a footage of, like, me in a crowded room, everyone is looking at the same thing and my head is like a squirrel looking around, like, so curious. Which I think just shows, like, I see things other people didn't or I observe things other people didn't. So where I am now with my purpose and my mission and my creativity, it's like I'm just her in the adult version, which is beautiful.

[Natalie]

So much I want to pull out of that for the piece on emotions. This one, I feel like, is very tricky for people who intellectualize their emotions a lot. They can speak to them, they can name them, they can tell you their blocks and their reasoning for xyz, but somatically actually giving themselves space to feel through it. And especially that tie in with chronic illness or any sort of bodily issue. I feel like there's always an emotional tie in at some level. How did you start allowing your body to feel safe? And what sort of practices did you do to start unloading some of that backed up? Emotional gripping. Yeah.

[Karin Hadidan]

I'm so glad you asked this. I don't know if you've seen. What's that movie with Cameron Diaz and Jude Law, the Holiday. Oh, and like in that movie, she's trying so hard to cry and she can't cry. That was me my entire life. I did not start crying even in solitude, up until maybe two and a half years ago. Two years ago, actually, to the day, basically. 2023 is when I somatically released a lot. And how I did that was through breathwork, holotropic breathwork journeys. I would do one an hour and a half, four or five times a week. I don't even know how I had the time for that. I just created the time, to be honest. I remember the first breath work class I went to in New York City. I, like, stumbled upon it. It was one of those divine signs and synchronicities and all that. And at the start of the class, the instructor was like. It was like a gut punch. Immediately he was like, you might be here because you haven't taken a real breath all day. You might be here because you haven't taken a real breath all month, or you might be here because you haven't taken a real breath your entire life. And I was like, oh, my God, like, what did I just sign up myself for? And we go into the journey and it starts off really slow. Slow and peaceful and, you know, shallow breaths. And then it becomes very shamanic and the music intensifies. And I just viscerally remember this. There was about eight people in that class, and the music was very primal, like drums and intense beats. And the instructor was like, all right, like, let it out. Scream on the top of your lungs. I want you to purge it. I want you to scream it. And everyone's, like, on the top of their lungs screaming. And there I was being like, ah. Like, I couldn't even try to get it out. And I just knew in that moment, I'm suppressing, I'm suppressing. And the instructor came over, put his hand on my heart, and he just said, you are safe to feel. Let it go, let it go, let it go. And then I just screamed. And all of a sudden, that turned into, like, a guttural bawling type of cry. And that's when I saw this entire montage of, like, when I was 11 years old, having constipation issues to when I was 14, going to gynecologists. And, like, literally, like, the entire health journey, the doctors who told me it was all in my head, the ones that dismissed me, the ones that I would leave their office crying every traumatic health moment, all of a sudden, I just saw it, and I just finally opened the well to release all of that. The reason why I love breathwork so much is that it induces a state in your consciousness as though you are doing a plant medicine journey, but it's your own breath. And that, to me, just symbolizes what I believe, which is, everything is within you. Like, you are limitless. You have that power to heal yourself. When I walked out of that class, I felt 10 pounds lighter. And I think that that feeling of lightness after being. Feeling so heavy and tense for my entire life, I just had this thought of, I need to feel more. Like, I need to really open that up. And so I did that for many months. And then it became, you know, with every tool, like, sometimes you get to the point where you're like, I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore. Do I need this anymore? Like, it's carving out five hours every week to breathe. Like, what if I just danced? Or, like, went on a walk instead? And you start realizing, okay, that tool supported me for a time being. I don't need it anymore. And now I'm waterworks for everything. And I love that about myself. I cry without even needing to attach a story to it. If I feel an emotion, even if I'm in public. I was on the plane a week ago, and I just felt emotional, and I just, like. I don't even know why I'm crying, but let that rip. I don't intellectualize it anymore. I just allow the emotion to be whatever my body needs it to be. And I think that's a testament to. To that safety that I've taught my body. It is safe to feel. And I'm not gonna get in the way of you doing that.

[Natalie]

Oh, my gosh, I love this. I love this. That description of the release, too. I just feel like so many people hold on to so much. Like, there's so many ways that we burden our physical and spiritual bodies throughout life. And especially if you're a sensitive, highly sensitive person, if you're an empathic person, the energies that you're holding onto and then you pick up on from other people. Like, there are times when I'll go through my DMs and I'll have to, like, cry after because it's just so much that I'm like, people are sharing life stories, or they're asking these questions, or they're going here, they're going there, they're sharing what certain things meant to them, or they're sharing their pain points or their struggles or whatever. And I'm like, whoa. Like, that was just, like an ocean of stuff coming at me. I, like, I need to just purge it out. I think it's so, so important. And I'm like, I cannot freaking wait for end of year challenge to, like, help guide people through this. Because this is, like, so much of those developmental phases is getting space. I was writing the trust di, which will be the infancy di today, and one of the lines that I was, like, toying around with was, like, I'm actually going to bring it up. Because I'm like, it's kind of crazy that you said that, okay, every sound you make is met with warmth. Every feeling is allowed. You are never too much.

[Lacey]

You are never ignored.

[Natalie]

And I kept thinking, I was like, okay, do you think we need this? It was just like, yes. People need to hear that. They need to hear that they're not too much. They need to hear that they can feel every emotion, and they need to have a second of, like, what would that actually mean if I had got that in childhood? And how can I give it to myself now? I'm like, that is so, so intensely important.

[Karin Hadidan]

And I'm so glad you brought that up, because for me, out of all the TBM workshops. The shadow one was the most transformative, I think.

[Natalie]

I.

[Karin Hadidan]

Towards the end of the Inner Child, I had a lot of really big releases and downloads and dots started to connect. But what's so beautiful is that when you finally feel the depth of those emotions that that inner child version of you never felt, and you grieve that you are able to put that version of you to rest without any attachment. And I now look back on all versions of myself. I process and felt everything. I don't feel any attachment anymore. I don't grieve them anymore. And I. And I struggled with that this year where I'm, like, grieving these past versions of myself because I couldn't give them or I couldn't give myself what I now have or what I now know. And it's like, okay, well, let me revisit them in my meditation. Let me give them what they couldn't receive or couldn't have at the time. And then you get to a point where you're just in the state of utter acceptance. Deep, unshakable gratitude for even that inner child that didn't process that emotion. I look back and I'm like, I know why that happened, because had I processed that emotion, I. I would not be here in this exact way speaking to you right now. So in that sense, everything unfolded so beautifully and so divinely. But in order for us to move on and truly align to our soul's missions and really accomplish, like, what we came here to do and live in a state of peace and joy and fulfillment every day, we do have to go back to those memories, and we do have to do that inner work that you know this better than anyone else. Like, it's not fun, it's painful, it's daunting, it's terrifying. But it's the most rewarding thing you could ever give to yourself, to all.

[Natalie]

Versions of yourself, a thousand percent. I think you're also naming the next version of that healing, right? Like, in order to get to that place where you even have gratitude for all the versions of selves, or even have gratitude for the imperfect upbringing or the imperfect parenting or the imperfect school system or the imperfect society or peers or whatever, to even get to that space, you have to let that inner child, like, have a tantrum. You have to let them be like, this hurt. And you gotta listen, this is why. And this sucked, and I hated this. You have to let them fully move through it, and only then can you be like, okay, it's released. And now what is gonna fill that space, perspective, and only in that new elevation can you be like, oh, I understand. Even though it wasn't what I wanted and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, it did allow me this. It gave me this silver lining, it gave me this edge, it gave me this grit, it gave me this truth. It gave me this deeper connection to a part of myself that I didn't know or wouldn't have had or carved out had. Everything just been perfect from the get go. It's in the contrast that everything feels so good. You can't experience that joy without that hardship. So it's just like the acceptance of all of it.

[Lacey]

There's something about bone broth that feels almost medicinal. It's this ancient practice of slow simmering bones for hours to release collagen, protein and minerals that truly nourish the body. When I sip it, I can feel the difference almost immediately. My digestion settles, my energy steadies and it feels like this warm, comforting grounding nourishment. That's why I love Kettle and Fire. Their bone broth is rich, savory, slow, simmered and made with 100% grass fed and finished beef bones or organic free range chicken bones. No additives, no preservatives, no weird stuff, just just clean real ingredients. It supports gut health, digestion, muscle recovery, energy and immune function. Not only does it have 19 grams of protein per serving, but it's naturally rich in collagen and amino acids like glycine and glutamine which help repair the gut lining, joint health and aid in your recovery in ways that most health foods don't. Plus, sipping something hot and savory signals to the body to go into that rest and digest state, soothing your overall nervous system and digestion. I like to heat up a little cup of the Kettle and Fire either first thing in the morning before I make my breakfast or start my day or I'll do it in the afternoon right when I finish a workout to kind of fuel me, sustain me before.

[Natalie]

I can make a full dinner.

[Lacey]

And it feels so supportive. I notice a massive difference in my skin, my digestion and my overall health. It also tastes delicious and I love adding it sometimes to my cauliflower rice or my stir FR vegetables to just add more flavor and bring a different simmer to everything as well. It makes a huge impact on cravings as well as bloating and digestion. For a limited time you can get a free carton of Kettle and Fire bone broth by going to kettleonfire.com backslash tbm just buy any three cartons in store and they will pay you back for one. This works on any flavor at any retailer. You can find Kettle and Fire in stores nationwide including Costco, Walmart, Target, Publix, Whole Foods, Kroger and Sprouts.

[Natalie]

That's K E T T L E.

[Lacey]

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[Natalie]

Or your daily shake and it's become.

[Lacey]

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[Natalie]

There was one memory we talked about on our call in the schooling system specifically. Talk a bit about that and how those imprints kind of were so Rooted in this narrative for you as well.

[Karin Hadidan]

Yeah. So after first grade, my parents took my brother and I outside of Armenian day school and put us into public school. And the first day of school, I go, and I don't know anyone, and I go up to the front of the class. Everyone's already friends with everyone. They're like, there's like, 20 kids in the class. And I introduce myself and I say, hi, you know, my name is Karin Hadadan. And sitting in front of the class, a lot of the boys in that class started laughing when I said my name. The teacher didn't do anything about it. I had no idea what was going on, because my entire life up until that point, my name was my name. And I loved my name. I thought it was so beautiful. I thought my last name was Epik. Like, I didn't know anyone else who had that many Ds and A's in one name. And I came home from school that day, and I just remember my mom saying, look, it might just be hard for them to pronounce it. It's not Armenian people anymore. It's all American people. Let's go by Karen Hadadin. So I was like, okay, make it easier on everyone else. So from that day forward, I went by Karen Hadadin my entire life. College, internships, jobs, Karen. And I hated it. This was even before the whole, like, Karen, soccer mom. I just knew it was not me. But that was when I lost my authenticity. In truth, like, that was the moment where I just put myself aside, my true, authentic self aside, and said, I need to do what I need to do to survive and fit in in this society. So I understand why my mom said that. Thank God she said that, because that probably avoided bullying or even more trauma. To be honest, the day that it hit me was actually pre tbm. A friend of mine had a very similar experience with her name, and she just one day said, you know what? I'm going by my authentic name. And I just. One day at work, I went to my boss, who I was very close friends with, and I was like, I'm rebranding. And he's like, what are you talking about? And I was like, I'm going by my real name, Karin Hadadan. I'm telling all of our clients that's how I'm introducing myself. And that was one decision. And it was so uncomfortable for many, many months, because even to this day, sometimes people are like, so wait, am I saying it right? And I'm like, sure. But, like, this is how you Say it. And it's, I had to get over my own ego in those moments and I had to just get over my own discomfort, to be honest. And returning back to that essence has really made me fall truly in love with myself. Because now when someone calls my name, like, I feel, feel myself, there's no more incongruence there. And when we go back and think about that moment, those kids didn't know what they were saying or doing. I don't blame them. They were 8 year olds for all I know. So I forgive them. I have no resentment towards those kids. But I think what that shows is that sometimes the deepest trauma that has been the biggest block in her life or the root of your limiting belief is silly. And I put air quotes around that because for a kid, that is really traumatizing. But it could be a simple moment, just like someone laughing at your name and that could define you for 18 years of your life.

[Natalie]

I think the thing too is like, it's those moments that at least for me, it comes up as it'll pop into my head during a di. What the moment was.

[Lacey]

And I'm like, it can't all be from that.

[Natalie]

Like, that was such a simple moment. Like, it wasn't extreme in any way, but it was deeply rooted in a narrative that set me off one degree in the wrong direction. And I think that's where it's like, oh, it doesn't have to be. And sometimes it is the big profound stories for sure, but sometimes it's those little tiny things that, you know, they say like a plane. Like you, you change the course of the plane one degree and then all of a sudden you're on the opposite side of the world. That's kind of what happens with our authenticity. There's a place where we compromise or we take an awareness of what this meant about us and who we are and who we should show up as. And then all of a sudden we're one degree in the wrong direction. And over time we lose total connection from that sense of self. I think that is where we have the opportunity to reclaim and to get back on track is to say, oh, that's where I went down this whole rabbit hole, learning that I had to not even use my real name, that I couldn't even stand in who I authentically was. Like, where else am I not doing that? Where else am I not showing up from that place? How did you find in that reclamation and in taking that aligned action of like, no, sorry, this is my name. We're gonna go by this from now on. How did that have a ripple effect in other aspects of your life?

[Karin Hadidan]

I think it just showed me that I no longer want to suppress who I am. And so when it came to sharing what I believed, or being weird or like being my wonky, weird, silly, giddy self, little things like that that I would suppress and suppress and hide at this point, why would I do that to myself anymore? And it just slowly became little things, little decisions here and there where I just was like, this is who I am. And did people walk away from that? Totally. Did extraordinary aligned people come in from that? Oh, my God, yeah. And I think what is so important is like, you start feeling so good internally that nothing on the outside really shakes you anymore. Or you just don't care because you're like, but I feel good. I'm happier now. I feel like more myself now. So I actually don't care about what people think and I don't care about the judgment and I don't care how this is perceived because I just know that if I show up authentically without suppressing myself, then I'm inviting other people to do that the same. And when the entire world does that, just imagine the amount of love that would overpower all the pain in everyone's life. And that's what I think we all are. We are all beautiful mirrors. You know, the light you see in me is a reflection of the light inside of you. And. And I use that principle every day in my life. Like, if I'm judging someone, it's like, well, what am I judging about myself? Or if I'm resenting this about a person, well, what does that say about me? And so you just come to a point where the little things that you thought you had to hide to be accepted, it's no longer a priority anymore. Your own happiness and your own inner peace is.

[Natalie]

I feel like it. Also, it's where the trust muscle becomes built because you start doing this and you start feeling comfortable to choose yourself. And then you see in choosing yourself, that's where more flow is. That's where more ease is. And not to say that hard things don't happen, but like you were saying, they come in stride. You're able to metabolize them in such a different way. And it's almost like, oh, right, if I choose myself, if I choose my authenticity, if I do not compromise this, then the reward is so much bigger than I could have ever known. On the other side, talk about the story of your public speaking event.

[Karin Hadidan]

Well, I'm so Glad you brought that up. So I was invited to do my first ever live poetry performance in la. This company called between east and it's basically a Middle Eastern diaspora. So they brought all different cultural backgrounds together for this beautiful full day long event and festival in Los Angeles. I had never done that before. I'd never actually performed my poetry other than the audience of myself and the mirror, mirror in the shower. So that was something that I was really, really proud and excited for. I practiced a lot. I really felt like the rhythm of my poetry and what that feels like in my body. However, a couple weeks before the event, I was hand picking like what poetry I wanted to perform. Now I'm still single, but at the time I was single and I was definitely not embodying wholeness in this moment. And I was like, okay, well I'm going to a Middle Eastern event, maybe I'll meet someone there, like someone from my background. I'm gonna perform poetry that's about love and kind of allude to like, I'm still single, like, I don't know, something weird like that. And then I took a step back and I was like, that's ego right there. That is not soul. That event is not about that. Because what if the guy is not even in that room? Then what? How do I want to show up? I just stripped all of that away and I said, what do I want to remember this moment and how can I make it fully about myself? And so I handpicked all these different poetry and passages about divine timing and surrendering and quantum leaping and being limitless and trusting yourself. All these really important themes that I. That's my mission to share. When I got on that stage, when my body finally felt safe being seen, that was another fear of mine. I'm too much and I have this fear of being seen. When I got on that stage, I just felt like my 8 year old self who loved to do plays and loved to be on a stage performing. I didn't care who was in that audience. I wasn't looking around the room. I was so in my body. I was so, so magnetic because I was operating from wholeness. I didn't need anything from that event, I wasn't seeking anything from that event. I just showed up as myself. And when I got off the stage, it was like a standing ovation. Maybe like seven women came up to me full blown in tears. A lot of them being like, I wasn't supposed to be here today, someone gave me a random ticket because they couldn't come, or like Everything you said is what I'm going through. And I was like, that was what it was about. And I think for me, feeling safe in that visibility was the gift in that experience, because that is what I want to do. But anytime that I've about to be seen, my body has put on the alarm bells, and I'll get pelvic tension, I'll get endo symptoms. I'll have gut issues. And it's like my body literally rejecting that visibility because it didn't feel safe. Safe. And so when I got off that stage, I just thought, like, I think I just taught my body that not only is it safe to be seen, it is celebrated, and that the world really does need my light. So that was one of the most extraordinary experiences so far this year. But it's funny, because ironically, that same day, I had a booth to sell my books, and I sold maybe, like, 20 books out of the 150 that I brought. And in that moment, I could have let that defeat me. There was a moment where I thought, like, why am I not selling any books? Like, I don't get it. I just performed amazing. Everyone came up to me, and I just knew these books have a different purpose. Not in this audience. It's not about the books. It was fully about me accomplishing something and returning back to my wholeness. I say that because that day could have looked so differently. I could have walked away feeling like a failure, feeling like I didn't. I didn't sell any books. I could have walked away being like, I can't ever do that again. No one's gonna buy my books. Like, it could have been a whole different narrative. And I took that as I gave my inner child a stage that she would be marveling at, that she just accomplished.

[Natalie]

So I love breaking that down from that angle, because I think this is something that happens a lot, especially if you've been doing the TBM work for a while, where you can sometimes miss the manifestations. We're so focused on, like, the next, the shiny, the whatever, that we're missing all the things we're. All the medicine we're actually getting in the here and now. If we can just get our ego minds, like, our monkey minds out of the way and actually witness the miracle of the present moment. And in that example, like, okay, yeah, like, you could have had your very logistic hat on and been like, I'm going there to sell books, and this is my goal, and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, like, how fixed we are with, like, the Parameters of what we even define as like a successful event. Can't we see all of the magic, your inner child having that moment, having that healing and not only having that healing, but having that impact then on these women that move them to tears, that change their life, that they are going to remember that day probably forever of how they felt and how you made them feel in those moments. Like that win is bigger than any book number sale you can ever imagine. But how quickly it is that we go back to that. Like, well, it could have been better, this could have been done. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We need to take a pause and really take in this is what it was all about. And the book sales will take care of themselves. When you can surrender it. It's to the point of I give it up universe. Like now I've done my part and showing up in alignment. You can come in and meet my needs. And whether that need is met by these 120 book selling or maybe my books sell online somewhere or maybe another book deal or another career opportunity comes in, I don't care. You come meet my needs. I'm going to just keep showing up authentically and it does work itself out well.

[Karin Hadidan]

I think this is a really beautiful kind of closure that of that experience. One of my really awesome friends, she recently got married and she was considering, she came to me and she said, I want to have your books as like a takeaway at my wedding. And I was like, oh my God, I have all these books. I think this was the purpose. And so she ended up buying the books off of me through my publisher. And that was the purpose of it. And I am so much happier that that's where my. Those are the hands that my books landed in. I couldn't have predicted that. But how special. Not only that my books are in certain people's hands, but even just my friend coming to me and asking that was brought me to tears. Like that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. I think that really taught me too. I don't even if you ask me like what am I manifesting right now? I honestly don't have a list. I don't want anything anymore. I don't need anything. I feel like my entire life I was such a type a person. I was like, I want this in this exact way. And then each time it didn't happen, I would feel so defeated. And now I'm like, the present moment is the miracle. I am the miracle. Like I'm the one creating the magic moment by moment, by moment. And, and I've been in this genuine surrender energy since the summer, since I came back from my first solo trip. And I just realized, like, each time I say I want something, I've already put a limit on it because I'm like, I want it this way. And God is not on a budget. The universe wants to give you infinitely more than your human brain can grasp. And when I think about some of the beautiful things that are unfolding when it comes to my career, my purpose and love life and all those things right now, I could not have tried to make up the story that is unfolding right now. If I tried, if I use all my imagination, I cannot have predicted the way things are unfolding when it comes to my screenplay dream, when it comes to my romantic life, when it comes to my finances, my books, and I think just letting go of any preconceived notion has one, allowed me to fully just be in the present moment because there's nothing else I'm looking outward for. And two, I'm just open to receiving so much more. And I know I'm going to. And I also know that when the things do come in, I will be able to hold it. The number five on Amazon. I couldn't hold that when I went viral on TikTok six months ago from a clip of me speaking about meeting Sofia Coppola, my body went into panic mode for a week after that. I couldn't hold that visibility. And so, you know, of course I want things, but I actually just want to be the embodied version of myself that's already on that frequency. That's what I care about nowadays.

[Lacey]

If you are walking into this season feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, exhausted, tested, triggered in love, money, career, relationships, all of the things, or maybe just searching for clarity, you are not alone. It has been a massive year of endings, ego deaths and transformation cycles. And when that happens, it's always your inner child, your safety, your self worth, your nervous system that takes the hit. Most people don't realize this, but your inner child is actually the one who is quietly running the show. Your triggers, your relationship patterns, your blocks, the decisions you make, even the level of success you'll allow yourself to have, all root down to whether your inner child feels safe. That is exactly why we created this end of year challenge as the Return to magic challenge. A 15 day manifestation challenge guiding you to repairing your inner child. Or reconnect with your magic and step into this new year as your most confident, regulated, magnetic self. This is how you will come home to yourself this season reconnecting with your authenticity, grounding your nervous system and truly understanding the patterns that are running the show that need to reparent in order.

[Natalie]

To feel safe with all of the.

[Lacey]

Changes happening to us. You can access this challenge inside of our Pathway membership. If you are up for renewals, be sure to check out your renewal email or or if you are getting the ping to join to be magnetic. Now is the perfect time because we have our big end of year sale going on where you can get 30% off your entire membership of the pathway. So that means not only are you going to get this challenge, but you're going to get every single TBM workshop including how to manifest inner child shadow, love, money, boundaries, rut, rock bottom plus our entire library of deep imaginings, our science backed self hypnosis that are formulated with EMDR somatic healing parts work and neuroscience tools to help you regulate your nervous system and reprogram your subconscious so you can actually create the life you want. If you've been feeling stuck, overwhelmed or ready for a total reset, this is your moment. This is the portal. Return to your magic. You will walk away with a step by step, step reparenting guide that's actually going to change your reality from the inside out. This is the year you're going to feel more grounded, clear, confident and back to your magnetic self again. Again you can join us in the pathway with our 30% off sale at to be magnetic.com let's begin your journey. Foreign.

[Natalie]

People are going to be asking this in their minds, what were some tangible things, TBM exercises, DI's, any other outside tools that you utilize to be able to start to hold some of that stuff and to be able to hold it, but also when those things come up and you have those visibility hangovers, how did you get yourself back to baseline? Because I think people are starting to have pockets of visibility and then they get scared and they self sabotage and they go back and like whoa, gotta shut down again. Like don't want to put myself out there. How did you start to move the needle on that visibility threshold? Because that's really, I mean visibility, I think people think can be career visibility is really putting yourself out there authentically and feeling safe and secure in that. And that's really what we're all trying to do. We're trying to say hey, I want to be my fullest expression of self and not contract. I want to keep expanding that. And it's so much bigger than career or Instagram or you know, it doesn't. It doesn't matter. The method in the visibility. The visibility is the safety in the moment. But I digress. So what tools did you use to start to integrate that?

[Karin Hadidan]

So I think there's a couple parts to this. I would say the most transformative thing that I've ever done for myself, truly, is going straight to the source. And what I mean by that is I had this fear of being seen. And this was, I think, early May, end of April. I was still processing it, though, after that viral TikTok. So I think this just kind of shows. It takes time to, like, embody what happens, what you're discovering about yourself. But I asked myself, where am I afraid to be seen? And I think this brings up a good point with what you just mentioned. It's not just Instagram or social media or in your community at work, where are you afraid to be seen? And then it hit me that I'm afraid to look in the mirror. I can't see myself. I can't see myself beyond my physical body. And at the time, I had. I gained a lot of weight. Suddenly, like, I'm a small. I'm five three. I'm really tiny in general. So for me, like £10, it's noticeable. And I feel really inflamed. I don't feel like myself. And I had gained all this energetic weight. And I say energetic because it had nothing to do with my diet, nothing to do with my health. My movement hadn't changed. I knew it was energetic. I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. I avoided the mirror for months. I stopped working out in front of the mirror. I stopped checking my Alpha before I left my apartment. I was avoiding myself. I was not seeing myself. And I think as women, every single woman is conditioned to believe that their body is not beautiful, that they need to fix their body, that they need to compare their body. And even, you know, when I hear this, like my mom, even my aunts, my older woman in my generation, they birthed and created the most incredible miracle, which is, you know, life. And they still don't have deep reverence for their body. It just hit me one day, like, I don't want to be a mother and still carry that inner resentment. And we've all been there. We look back our pictures from college when we were, like, starving ourselves or, like, not eating enough or working out excessively, and we're like, oh, my God, I was so much skinnier back then, or, you know, whatever. And back then, we were miserable. Terrible mental Health. But this version of us, like, wishes we had that version of our bodies. And so I asked myself, if my body did not change until now, until the day that I die, how would I live? Would I hate it? Would I not look at myself in the mirror? Would I resent it? Would I wear baggy clothes to hide myself even further? And that helped me unravel. Oh, this is not about the world, actually. It's about me seeing myself again. Life is a mirror. And so one day I decided, I'm gonna go and sit in front of the mirror naked, and I'm gonna hold every part of my body that I hate or resent or want to change and just say, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And the first. First day that I did that, it was very, very emotional. I mean, it was hard holding the scars on my belly from my endo surgery. Like, I love you. Thank you. Like what? You know what I mean? And that's when I felt unconditional love for the first time. The fact that I was even doing that, I did that for about a month and a half. And slowly I started to see my soul. Not my physical body, but I saw my soul. The light in my eyes even now is like. Is glistening more than it ever has because that inner light is really shining. And so now, because I see my soul, because I see myself and the love, that's what I am. I am love. I don't create to be seen. I create to serve. I'm not posting to be seen. I'm posting to be myself, to share my heart. You know what I mean? So it kind of redefined everything. Obviously, that's a very personal example. Not everyone needs to do that practice. But for anyone that struggled with chronic illness or body image issues and has that fear of being seen, I think the body is part of that equation to that full wholeness and that acceptance.

[Natalie]

Oh, so, so good. I think we get this question a lot on body image and just the shame and moving through that, especially when, you know, how do you have complete love and acceptance for your body when it does change shape and size and texture and all of the things like, how do you love it through every single season, through every single chapter, similarly to parts of our inner children loving our body shapes and sizes like we would our inner children, where we're holding it with compassion and reverence and gratitude that even though it might not be the most perfect, idyllic, whatever, that's. We needed it in this season to be exactly what it Is and to support us in that way. I mean, that mirror exercise is so, so important. There is a attunement practice we have, and I think week one of our end of year challenge where you do a gazing exercise, which is extensively what you would have ideally got in childhood, where like the mother or the father or the parent gazes in your eyes and you have this connection for like a minute and a half where you're staring and you just. You feel so present, you feel so seen. But how often do we a do that with other people? Pets, children, partners, et cetera, friends? Probably never. Like, it feels so incredibly intimate.

[Lacey]

But also how often do we do it with ourselves?

[Natalie]

Do we actually gaze at our own eyes for a long period of time and just sit? And the first 30 seconds or so you're like, this is weird. Okay, what's in my eye? My skin looks funny. What's happening? And then after about a minute, that disillusionment happens and then it's the soul and you just see the energy and the essence and it makes you, like, want to cry, you know, like, it just like brings. Brings that connection back. So it's really, really important to have that scene. And I love that you had that connection to your soul and you were able to see it and feel it. I feel like I've. I've really connected to my soul for the first time, like really, really truly. And was able to name it as that, like this year, like, I. The really. Wow.

[Karin Hadidan]

And it came. I actually want to share this story if that's okay, because it's the most unpredictable way. And I hope this. If anyone here is single, I hope this really reaches them. So I met someone at the start of the summer. That was everything on my list. I thought he was the one. It was one date, I'll say that cringey looking back on it, but it was like this instant recognition in that moment. I had this inner knowing. I had a breath, breathwork journey afterwards that like, validated what I felt on that date. Everything I thought I wanted.

[Lacey]

He.

[Karin Hadidan]

On that date, inspired me to book my first solo trip that summer. I was toying with the idea of it, and he kind of was that catalyst to, like, push me to do that. The day that I booked the trip, which was like a week later, was the day that, like, slowly started to trickle away. So in retrospect, he served his purpose. I didn't know that at the time. Each time I had these nudges, and this was so crazy because I would have these nudges text him or send him this or do whatever. And I would listen, like, that's my soul speaking. And each time I would be defeated because it wasn't the outcome that I wanted. So it was like ego death after ego death after ego death. And all summer, truthfully, I was so sad. I was so drained. I. I had lost, like, the magic. Like, I remember there were days where I was walking in my neighborhood and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I haven't bumped into someone in so long. Like, that used to happen to me every day. Like, clearly, I'm not on my frequency. Like, I was, like, so desperate for something. Like, I felt. I felt like God just, like, had abandoned me. Honestly, it was the magic dark, but it was also the biggest ego death, because everything that I thought I had overcome that. I'm too much. I'm not good enough. The fear of being seen, all those things just suddenly reopened and I was so angry. I have never been angry like that in my life. It was like saying all the things that you don't tell anyone that you're saying to God, basically. And fast forward. In early August, I went to France and I went on my first solo trip. And that was the first time I met my soul, which was, I don't need anyone to make me feel loved. I have all of the love inside of me. I don't need anyone to make me laugh. I'm being wonky and silly in my Airbnb and I'm cracking myself up. I don't need anyone to take me out on a date or go on a trip. Like, I'm basking in my finances and I'm doing this all myself. And I look back, and now I don't ask, God, why did you take that man out of my life? Or why did you bring him if you were going to pull him out? I'm so grateful because it brought me, myself, my soul, and that energy that I felt on that trip was like the deepest inner peace because I had all that space, too, to access myself in that way. It also just hit me. My entire life, I always. I'm a Sagittarius. I want to travel, I want to be spontaneous, I want to be adventurous. But because of my health, I was in a cage. And when I was on that trip, it just hit me like I'm doing the thing that I once dreamed of, and I get to do it with myself. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to do this again. And I actually don't want to be with Anyone else other than my own soul. Because for the first time, I am enough. Like my soul is enough for me. And that's been the frequency and energy I've been operating from since August. It hasn't even toyed away. Like, it's so I understand what wholeness is now. I didn't up until that point. So thank God that guy came in and he went right out. And that's the gift of those tests or the rock bottoms or the resurgence of those limiting beliefs. It's actually guiding you back really to yourself.

[Natalie]

I love too, because I'm also noticing even in your stories, right, like from the speaking event, from the travel, from the guy dating dynamic. And I think this is true for so many people this year. And I have to go back and like, look at my patterns from this year because I bet you it's true for mine too, that in the most profound connections back to ourself, where we actually taste that divinity, our own divinity, our own endless well of love and worthiness, it's almost like there it is close to an ego death. You have to accept the ego death attachment of it looking like X and then it like shoots up through us. And I think that's why, like, this year has been such a year of stripping for so many people. But in that rapid stripping, it's like it gets removed and the other, the truth can fill the space. And I think if we try to hold on to the ego attachment, that's when we're like, where's my manifestation? It's not coming through. And it's like, let go of this. Sit in the nothing first moment and let the truth come flooding in. Which is like, you don't need to be felt by any material thing. Like, your needs are met. You have the things. Like it is all within you and happening. I always think about that movie. Everything everywhere, all at once. And like, that's what it feels like when you are really attuned to your soul. You're like, oh, I am with and of it. It is all. It is all encompassing. It is overwhelming to think about how deep it feels and how connected we are. And it's like that's the magic in those moments.

[Karin Hadidan]

It's so cool when whenever I have, I feel like I'm having these like mini ego deaths recently. And it's. And I hope this gives anyone here hope. It won't always be that painful and cathartic and heavy and terrifying. I'm having these like mini little ego deaths as I go on with my life. And I'M like, oh my gosh, like that thing that I wanted, that was so my ego. Like, I don't want that anymore. Or like I was blocking a beautiful thing from coming in because I was so attached to that one little thing. But that's not my soul, that's my ego. And it's like slowly the little remnants are dying off. And it's not always going to be that heavy, but I do think we experience a couple of those, those really intense ego deaths to get to that baseline of the soul. And then from there it's like you can't not know what you know. Like once you arrive and once you remember who you are. And I don't mean your authentic code or anything like that. I mean your essence, like your divinity, you will never believe that you are too much because how could you be? You are, you are an expression of God. How can you ever be too much? Why would you ever fear being seen when you are the light? The light has to be seen. And so it slowly starts to like reprogram in your mind without any conscious doing. The trip too, that was actually the first time. Like, I wasn't meditating in the mornings or I tried, but I wasn't having any downloads. I was like, I don't need to do that. Like, I just need to be on this trip. I just need to be. And that being is when I had those revelations about my soul. And I think sometimes when we are in that ego death phase, we want to do more and we want to do more DI's and more journaling and force the learning and the lesson, we're actually pushing it even farther away. So I think when that comes up, maybe just be still. That's the theme of my life for the past few months, is stillness is where I receive the answers more than doing ever did.

[Natalie]

So, so good. And that is your antidote of like the opposite is the medicine. If you are someone that's always doing, I have to handle it. I have to be the one putting it all together to make sure nothing falls through the cracks or I have to be making sure I'm not failing the test. If you're that good student archetype with the work, your medicine is going to be stepping back. Your medicine is going to be only doing a di when you're like, soul is like, I really feel like I feel called to this right now. That will be the best thing that you can do for your authentic self. And to start to reprogram that. You have everything you need right now. You just have to listen to it, you have to tap into it. You have to give yourself that.

[Karin Hadidan]

Yeah. I would ask myself, am I doing this because I need to fix something or because I want a certain outcome? Or am I doing this because I'm genuinely curious and want to show love to myself? That question really clarified to me that there was a part of me that still was trying to fix and that helped me take a step back. And so I think just asking yourself, like monthly, I'm a different person than I was a month ago. What do I need now? What feels right at this frequency that I'm operating from and that can change throughout life, throughout the different seasons.

[Natalie]

Yeah. I mean, it's so interesting. I think you definitely speak to something that a lot of members have felt before where they feel like the fear of it and not leaning into ease but just to maybe expand. Some people out there like how I utilize it and why I say like I will do DI's. Yeah, until forever. Because my relationship to the work and my relationship to the D eyes is never from punishment. It's never from fear or lack. It's never because I'm not enough. It's literally just like, what is the part of me need right now that is also my goal in expanding out the DI library? To feel more of your daily tool. To either touch in with your essence, to check with your inner child, to be that nervous system reset, to be that thing that grounds you, to let you vision, hold pie in the sky, what your abundant life looks like. Like whatever you're going through, let it be your quick check in. However often you need it less. Like you have to do this and you won't reprogram your brain. Like once you've gotten the baseline, it's.

[Lacey]

Like the touch up.

[Natalie]

I just want to grab this to make me feel good. And not because I don't have it, but because I just know I feel more myself in doing it. So for anyone out there who might feel like, oh, I feel the lack or I feel scarcity, or I feel like if I don't do this, my manifestation won't come, it's about. And this is true for not just tbm, but any self help tool, any meditation, any journaling practice, any breath work, any yoga workout routine, whatever it is, doing it from that place of I am whole and enough, what just makes me feel alive, what makes me feel good. Let me choose the tool that enhances that energy, that lets me tap into it differently versus something's wrong with me. And this is how I fix Me, it's like, no, no, no. This is how I return to me. That's how I see it.

[Karin Hadidan]

I love that delineation. And thank you for sharing that, because I think the way that you describe that is. Is really beautiful. And that is the reason why these tools exist to allow us, in the craziness of our everyday lives, to have a place where we can get into that stillness and reconnect with our essence. And then the practice really is. When you get out from that state, can you maintain that energy with compassion.

[Natalie]

Knowing that it's not the. You hit a peak and then you're there forever. It's like, we're still humans. We're still experiencing this world. Were you sharing this about having one connection to God and the universe and one connection to the human realm? I just heard this. I don't know.

[Karin Hadidan]

No, but that feels really aligned.

[Natalie]

Yeah, I. Oh, man. I'm gonna have to figure out where it is so we can link in the show notes. But someone was sharing about this, of how they feel very resonant, where it's not like, oh, I have. All of my connection is just to universe and God and whatever your religious beliefs are, it's that you have one there and you have one here. And that is grounding you. That is tethering you. That is your humanness. We can't just always be in the ethereal. We can't just always be in the practical. We have to have that balance between the two parts of self. And so I think that is the journey, the return to self, the return to magic is like. Like when I forget my truth, when I forget who I am, how can I pull these little cords to come back down into it and be like, oh, right, okay, now I can go back to my human world and, like, live from there and experience life.

[Karin Hadidan]

Oh, my God. I'm taking this as confirmation because I'm writing my third book right now, and the title of it is When Nothing Makes Sense. Finding God in the Gap Between Prayer and Answer. Oh, so good. The last chapter is the remembrance. And I have the last essay in the whole book is your soul chose to be human. And the point of the inner work was not to be this. Like, to avoid pain or to bypass suffering or to be on the top of the hill. The point was to stay in that. That energy of love and wholeness, no attachment to outcomes, not needing control, not needing the perfect outcome or whatever it is, and living in that divinity, in the human world, in the human realm. And so when you think about that we are meant to feel everything. We are meant to experience everything that we are experiencing. And the thing is, like, when God calls us all home, we will be in eternal peace, but we will never be here. We will never have the physical realm and our souls not to get like, so woo woo. But our souls will miss all of this. It will never be in your body ever again. It will never be around these people ever again. And when you realize that the only outcome you ever want ever again is to be fully alive in each moment, whatever that holds. So when I feel heartbreak, I really do celebrate that. I'm like, this is insane how my heart feels this deeply and I feel it in my entire body. Or when I'm with my parents and I give them a hug, I know what their hug feels like because I'm so present in that moment with them. When I'm belly laughing, when I'm dancing, whatever it is, this is what my soul came here to do. So the. The point of the inner work was to guide you back to your remembrance, to your oneness with God and the universe, so that you can live as a human, to really live and be here. And that's when none of it makes sense. And somehow it all finally does. But yeah, so good.

[Natalie]

So good. When do you think your book's coming out?

[Lacey]

It.

[Karin Hadidan]

So I think it's gonna be really quickly. I'm like in that flow state now. It's pouring out of me. I think I'll be finished with it in a couple weeks and hopefully it'll be out for the holidays.

[Natalie]

But if it's out by the time this airs, we'll link it in the show notes and we'll link your page on Amazon anyway so people can get your other books as well.

[Lacey]

Awesome. Oh, my gosh.

[Natalie]

Karin Hadidan, thank you so much for this episode. This was so expansive on so many levels. Where else can people connect with you, chat with you, consume your work? All of the great things?

[Karin Hadidan]

Yeah. So my Instagram is I C I E T N U. It means ecnu, which is French and Danish translates to here and now. So that's my Instagram. Everything is linked in my bio, but I'm really focusing on my substack these days. So it's just my name. I love that platform more than anything. And then my TikTok is my name. And yeah, you'll. You'll find my work when, if, if it feels aligned, if it's the right timing. And I'm just so grateful to be here. Thank you for giving me the platform. And thank you for creating the tool that brought me home to myself. Truly, I'm so grateful for you guys.

[Natalie]

My heart. So good, so good. Thank you. Thank you.

[Lacey]

I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. And if you are curious what it feels like to connect with your soul's essence, your purpose, your magic in the.

[Natalie]

Season of Life, we have a brand.

[Lacey]

New deep imagining launching with our end of year challenge called Purpose and souls essence di. It will be launching December 1st.

[Natalie]

You will be the first to grab it. All of our attendees from the speaking.

[Lacey]

Tour this fall have been getting a chance to listen to it and now.

[Natalie]

It will be in your member portals.

[Lacey]

And I'm so excited for you guys to have this and all of the magic at our end of your challenge. Return to Magic 15 Day Manifestation Challenge.

[Natalie]

Right now we have our big end.

[Lacey]

Of year sale going on where you can get 30% off the membership, the lowest prices that you will see and we can't wait to see you in there.