← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 384 - How to Feel Safe, Trust, and Have Healthy Boundaries: Inner Child Healing Part 1
00:58:17
What if the way your needs were met in infancy still shapes your ability to feel safe, seen, and supported today? Welcome to the end-of-year challenge: The Return to Magic. Today, Lacy, Jessica, and EMDR-certified LMFT Janelle dive deep into the foundation of all manifestation work: your earliest subconscious blueprint set in childhood. This episode explores the powerful programming from ages zero to 18 months. It’s a period most people don’t remember, but it’s when your soul touched down into your human body—and profoundly shapes who you are today. This early stage is where safety, secure relationships, and boundaries are formed, and Janelle helps us understand how the presence (or absence) of these things can leave us feeling out of balance. This conversation is a reminder that our TBM practice is here to bring us back to our most whole selves. We are not destined to stay stuck in old patterns or loops that don’t serve us. We can start from the very beginning and manifest the...
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- [00:00]
A
Anything you're manifesting, it roots down to inner child.
- [00:04]
B
Ultimately, you're learning that you can always trust the universe.
- [00:09]
C
What did you need the most from your dad? What did you need the most from your mom? That's what your inner child is needing from you now.
- [00:20]
A
What if the magic, the gifts and the clarity you are seeking this season is already within you and your inner child holds the key? The return to magic 15 day manifestation challenge is underway. This week we launched pre week where we're diving into our magnetic home and family. How to create that security, that safety from within. Creating an environment, the energy, the essence that we wanna be around. We're also connecting with our biggest block in the season. What have the lessons of this? The tests, the stripping, the rock bottoms, the ruts, the transitions, whatever has come up this year. What is that underlying theme? What does the universe want us to fully move through so we can step into our higher version of self in 2026? And how does that connect to our purpose? That is everything we're doing this week inside the Return to Magic Challenge. It is not too late to join. The challenge will be available into the new year. So be sure to sign up and get in. Renew your membership so you can have access to it into the new year. I know that the end of the year can feel so chaotic and so busy and I don't know if it's the retrogrades have shifted a little bit, but there is this energy of lightness and openness that is wanting to come through. But I think part of allowing it to come through is making the space and the time for it. I know earlier this week I had a jam packed schedule, wasn't really prioritizing anything for my inner child, my joy, my hobbies. I was like, you know what, we're in the middle of this challenge cycle. I am going to make some space for me. So I curated a little time each night where I set up a little ritual. I pulled out my manifestation journal. I started in on the TBM work and just allowed a space that was sacred for me. And even just that time with myself has allowed this routine and this remembrance of how important it is to show up for for me and how that has such a ripple effect on so many other things. And it's also given me other pings and ideas for things I want to incorporate in my schedule. Like making time to have coffee with a friend transformed my entire energy. Like had such a great time going to that coffee and that made recording this intro even more exciting and landing and Sharing that energy of hope and mysticism and magic with each other translates into the rest of my meetings throughout the day. So if you're getting those little pings of small ways that you can tap into your joy, your authenticity, your inner child magic, those magnetic inner child rituals, more on that in pre week, lean into that this week. There is a reason that they're knocking at your door. There's a reason they're calling to you. Because that is the key, that is the the magic into your superpowers. In this season, on today's episode, Lacy, Janelle and I are going through what you needed in each of the inner child phases in a more robust pullout, especially through the lens of manifestation. And if you didn't get certain needs met, how that may show up in your manifestations. We're going to go through all five stages over a two part episode series. This will be part one. But in this, I really want you guys to start thinking about any little blocks or tests or stories or limiting beliefs that may be coming to the surface of. Wait, that may root down to this. I would be surprised if you don't walk away with this episode with a ton of ahas of where things may root down. And the beauty of this work, and of neuroplasticity in general is the fact that we can overwrite our brains at any time. So the good news is, if you didn't get your knees met, which newsflash, none of us did not fully, at least you can go in and give that to yourself now. And that will in turn change what you're projecting out and what your reality is and your ability to call in what you're truly manifesting. This is so foundational and so paramount to the manifestation work because so much of our subconscious beliefs, our beliefs of self are formed in these early phases. So if we can understand what was the blueprint we picked up, what did we learn about ourselves and you know, our worth. And if we're good enough and if we're safe in this world, and if we can trust other people, what do we pick up around these elements? And if we can attune to them and if we can get curious about them and start to overwrite them, start to show our inner child a different story, a different narrative, a new way of being and connecting to a new somatic experience in our body where we're actually living from that safety, security and high self worth that we are inherently born with. Watch what shifts in your reality. I know for myself, and talking with so many team members and community members that this week in particular has been so nourishing and grounding back into that safety and that trust, especially with the magnetic home and family di. So if you guys are getting the ping, if you haven't started yet, here's your reminder. We can't wait to see you in there. And just a reminder that our biggest end of year sale is going on right now so you can lock in the lowest rates of the season, of the rest of the year and join us for this challenge. It is going to be such an impactful, moving one because this is where we're really taking our power back and reconnecting to our magic.
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And now a word from our partners.
- [06:08]
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- [07:49]
And now onto the episode.
- [07:53]
Well welcome back everyone to another episode of Expanded. We are entering in our magical portal of our end of year challenge and this one is returning to Magic 15 Day Manifestation Challenge. But through the lens of our inner child. Reclaiming the magic, stepping into the. The rituals, the power, the play, all of that stuff from our inner child and healing those wounds that are really activating and repeating right now in this season, pushing away our manifestation. So whether you're manifesting in money or love, career, purpose, just higher self worth, more ease and flow, anything you're manifesting, it roots down to inner child. This is where we picked up the blueprint of our subconscious self worth. So we're going to get to go through the phases with expert Janelle Nelson and Lacy Phillips on the manifestation front of it all. I'm just so excited because I feel like. And Janelle, you can speak to this more too. But it just like clicked in a new way when we were talking how even if you have a rupture or something that really took you off your path in the later developmental stages, right, like in your tweens and your teens and your twenties, yes, it on its own can be disruptive, but it is the most disruptive if it roots down to a need that wasn't met in that first formative 0 to 18 months and how, like, that really is the bedrock of everything. Talk a bit about how much this phase that most of us don't remember because we were infants has so much power.
- [09:39]
C
Yeah, isn't it? It's so wild, right? So, you know, when you study attachment work, most people, right, when they think of like, oh, I gotta talk through my childhood trauma, right, they're usually bringing up memories and, you know, teens or later childhood, very rarely people, like, remember, you know, you don't remember what happened, especially zero to three. And that is where all of those basic connections of like, where whatever attachment style you identify with, all of that gets formed in really, 0 to 18, 0 to 3, 0 to 5, right? But, like, especially right now, if we're starting to talk about that zero to 18 months, whether we were picked up and held and comforted when we cried, if we were, if our hunger cues were noticed, if we were changed, if we were warmed, if we were held, there was a beautiful quote I learned recently. It was we form from the skin inward, basically talking about the significance of touch during that time. You know, so there's a lot of research on, like, skin to skin for babies. And honestly, almost like it's more important than even breastfeeding. Don't come at me. But like, both, you know, like the significance of both. But how significant touches. So especially if you identify or see pieces of avoidant attachment in you, this would be one to like, kind of take notice of as you're going through the dis with this, you know, so like when you're re parenting in the dis, to really bring in like intuitively, like watching yourself be held and intuitive touch, intuitive comfort. Because that's how babies and children like kind of sense their presence in the world.
- [11:22]
A
Right.
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C
If we're not touched, do we exist?
- [11:25]
A
Right.
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C
So that's how they get a sense that they have belonging and are here and are connected and are held and if the world is safe. So, yeah, so so much, you know, happens through that time.
- [11:39]
A
Oh, so good. I mean, the touch piece is. Is interesting too, because if you think about it from a spiritual perspective that we were souls in essence who took a body and came down to this earth and wanted to be here. If that's what you believe, then you're also coming into a body shape form, which likely you might not have been in as a soul, as an essence. And how strange that process must be from this cocooning womb that's warm and comforting and soothing and all the things to. Whoa, there's. It's like an overload of stimulation. And so that makes so much sense that it's like, wait, you're in a body, these are your arms. Like, this is how this works. Your training wheels for becoming a human being.
- [12:27]
C
Right, exactly.
- [12:29]
B
And I'm just going to come out right away and say 98% of us weren't parented properly.
- [12:38]
Like thinking back to mine, you know, and it's like my poor mom at, you know, 19, having me having been the last child of a like, very alcoholic family that didn't even want her. The fifth child never held needs, never met. Teeth so crammed together. No nutrition there. If you've ever studied Weston Price. And it's just like, yeah, let's all take a moment to really reflect on this stage because it's pretty powerful what you both have just said. Anyone listening to this episode, it's just straight up, anything you're manifesting in your life is from this period to everything we're going to talk about until you were about to seven, these being the most prominent, of course, everything after is still prominent. But I can't wait to hear Janelle a little bit deeper because even this phase, phase one we just touched on, you said it. If there was a rupture in this phase, most likely later on, you will not have self worth or resiliency through other traumas you experience at whatever age you experience them. Right. So I just want everybody to really take a reflection, reflective moment. The little that you may know about that phase for yourself. Were your needs met in these ways? Like, this is so big one thing.
- [13:54]
A
Too, as people are listening to this and starting to think back, like, I don't have any memories. Active memories that I know for sure are memories from 0 to 18 months. Like, I have pictures of myself, but I don't have an active memory. What I do have is my behaviors, responses, blocks programming today. And I have a bit of a story of what I think my mom or my dad went through at that phase. So you don't have to have the active memories to be doing the unblocking. If you see that you have certain blocks that route down to that phase or any of your blocks, figure out how they route down to that phase. And then it's more of like a hypothesis of like, well, I know my mom, I was the first kid I know she was very stressed. Her nervous system was definitely dysregulated. That may have played a factor in X, Y, Z, you know, and you kind of go in through that way. But that's also why I love this challenge in particular, because the way that we're going into the DI's that are all brand new, by the way, all brand new exercises, whole brand new workshop is that you're nurturing every single need that is to be met. So it's not so much of like, go back and remember when that time your mom didn't pick you up, maybe that memory comes to mind. But if it doesn't, you can just go back in and kind of flood the system with what you did really need there. So I just want to put that out for people. As you're listening to this and you're like, I have nothing from then. Most people don't. And that's okay. But you can almost see where things may have not been met by your responses today.
- [15:33]
B
And I just want to say I think there's something so important a I've been begging the team to do this this for our challenge for like two. Because it's the most pivotal thing in manifestation. You learn how to manifest and then you go into what. And it's so fascinating because the very first workshop name it had was called Reparenting. How empowering is that that you get to go through and re parent the blocks you picked up knowingly or unknowingly, just whatever information or assumption you may have of that time, you get to go in and rewrite the whole experience experience in order to now be available to manifest it. So let's get into it.
- [16:13]
A
Okay, so that first phase, this is the infancy phase, 0 to 18 months. The biggest factors here as it relates to manifestation is trust and safety. Can you trust others? Can you trust yourself? Can you trust the world? Can you trust the universe? And are you inherently safe? Do you feel safe existing? Do you feel safe to be yourself? Do you feel safe to have needs? This is where the attunement taps in. So safety and attunement. A parent responds when you cry, to reach out, gentle physical touch, being held, hugged rock soothe, soft warm communication, calm voice, eye contact, reassurance when you're upset. Caregiver models to you as well. This energy, the regulated nervous system. If your caregiver is regulated, you co regulate with them based off their nervous system pattern. They even say, I think Janelle, you can speak to this more. But how the mothers nervous system is when you're in the womb, is your first imprintation of your nervous system correct?
- [17:15]
C
Yes. No pressure.
- [17:16]
A
Yeah. Seriously. But yeah, your caregiver attunes your emotions, soothes your distress, but also celebrates your joy. There's consistency. This was one that I actually didn't know about before working on this challenge is the routine of knowing, oh, I'm usually fed at this time, I usually go to bed at this time. And the importance of that framework for them to feel safe, stable, home without sudden changes, conflict, danger coming in and then reliability. The caregiver is consistently coming back to meet it knows if you know, the parent goes away, they're going to come back and meet your needs at some point. And I just want to echo here that like Janelle said, if you're also a parent listening to this right now and going oh, I was going through this thing when it happened. I know so many parents out there who were also processing like the loss of their own parent while they were becoming a parent and how traumatic that must have been for them to deal with those two things at once. So just know that no kid gets everything met, that anything can be overwritten and worked out at any time. And it's not about a blame game. Literally no one I, whenever I become a parent, I will get this wrong. I know for a fact I will. I just have to accept that the best you can do is the best you can do. And the more awareness you have over it, the more you can try to, you know, move to that. So Janelle, if people don't get these needs met, what are the biggest things that you find where people. It becomes very obvious that some of these needs were not met in childhood. You had mentioned the attachment piece when.
- [18:58]
B
You'Re doing the manifestation sessions. Like, I mean, the unblocking, the big ones, like, what are the key things you're seeing over and over in your practice? When somebody didn't have these met? This was. The rhythm wasn't developed. The attunement wasn't there. What is it that you're seeing?
- [19:15]
C
Yeah, there's this, like, one. You know, there's.
- [19:18]
A
Well, there's.
- [19:18]
C
There's one famous study about, basically, babies, if they repeatedly were not attuned to or cried out and all that kind of stuff, they will start shutting down. Like, they. They will start stop crying. And so that's where you see, like an adult avoidant is somebody who did initially cry as a baby and had needs and was aware of their needs and then internalized. No one's coming for me. And so as an adult, they're like. They're usually out of touch with their emotions. They're like. They look at their emotional friends. They're like, that looks annoying. Why would anyone want that? And they're just not connected to their emotional selves because it was like an off switch got turned off really, really little. And so you can feel it, too, in their. Honestly, even in their energy, you can feel that their boundary is really high. Even if they're kind people or evolved people, there still can be like, a don't come near me kind of thing. I'm an island, I'm okay by myself kind of thing.
- [20:19]
A
And you can imagine, like, even that one, how that would translate to the manifestations. If you were like, no one can meet my needs. Well, then you're going to be pushing, subconsciously pushing away the relationship. You're going to be subconsciously pushing away the career or the money or any form of safety and security, I imagine, for that person would feel really unsafe and unpredictable. Like, I can't control if this is going to stay or not, so I should just assume it's going to go away.
- [20:46]
C
Right. I also think about the baby who had some needs met sometimes, but it wasn't consistent. It was maybe just like, it was inconsistent. They did have needs met, and they did feel that connection, but then it was ruptured. You can. There's like a. Like a dysregulated energy, an anxious energy presenting. There's a little push and pull. They're just not quite settled like they want to, but they're. But it's also like, I can't quite trust it. Like, I Want to trust, and I'm more open and I'm more aware about connection, but I don't totally trust it.
- [21:20]
A
Would that create hypervigilance in someone? Would that be someone who's kind of like scanning for threats in their environment constantly? Like, when's the ball gonna drop? When's the rug gonna get pulled out? Like that kind of. Yeah, yeah. Patterning.
- [21:35]
C
Yeah.
- [21:36]
A
And then what about. We've had this a lot where members have wrote in about either disconnection from their parent really young, where their parent either couldn't be in the same place as them or couldn't consistently be in the same place as them. Or maybe they had to live with a different caretaker for a while and then they came back. What sort of attachment or wounding or patterning would you see there?
- [22:02]
C
You know, what a beautiful thing is, is like, maybe their parents were unavailable for whatever reason, but they had this amazing grandma, right? That was their safe place that they loved. And so they did experience, at least from someone early on, that a secure, trusting, safe attachment. And so they still have some wounding, but they did have that experience. Right. It's also hard because it's like, maybe they did. I'm thinking of my really sweet friend that adopted. Has adopted kids. And those babies were in orphanages. They probably weren't touched. And she did all the things like weighted vest, lots of, you know, connected touch. And I just saw her son recently, and I'm like, oh, my God, he's so securely attached, Beautifully securely attached. And he missed, you know, really zero to probably two and a half. You can just see him like, he's. He's great. So repair can happen at any stage, just to name that. And what we're doing now is right. We're reflect, reflecting about, okay, what do we. What did we need from our parents that our younger self is needing from us now? That's what we're doing here. So, yeah, it's beautiful. Like, sometimes people, like, their parents were really disconnected, and then they had an incredible teacher or whatever. You know, we get. You know, there are safe, good people that come in where they just have this a little bit, like, okay, something can be different. And then hopefully they can take that and build and, you know, find and build safe community connections when they're older.
- [23:32]
A
One other piece is the self soothing. There's like a thread there with people who maybe their physical needs weren't consistently met. They were fed late, left to cry, no soothing touch, or their emotional needs were minimized or dismissed. But how that can lead to a Neglect for their own needs and signals now. So now they either might ignore their hunger cues, ignore rest, ignore their emotions, or the opposite spectrum. They use food and substances and busyness as a self soothing mechanism. What does that look like?
- [24:07]
C
I see this a lot of like I always, I usually get a lot of like highly sensitive clients and people and, and a lot of times their parents were, you know, if somebody is, is connected to their emotional selves, like they can't show up for you, they're not going to be able to hold space for you. These kind of like, I don't know, boomer engineer parents that are disconnected and then you have this highly sensitive kid and their feelings, they're just like, why are you so emotional? Why are you so sensitive? Why are you so this. And they are just constantly being invalidated over and over and over and over and over again. And actually they just get more dysregulated. They need to be met with, oh, of course that was hard that that person didn't sit with you at the lunch table. I'm so sorry that really hurt your feelings. You're so, you're, you're such a sensitive heart that you know, and that actually brings the containment. They can learn how to self regulate, but if they're constantly being and validated, you know, if that's you and this challenge, it's like, oh, there's going to be so much validation that gets built into every single step of your reparenting journey.
- [25:24]
A
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- [27:16]
B
And let's talk about that for a minute. I know we're gonna go through every phase here, but when? I mean, obviously we've seen this for 10 years, so feels so second nature to us. What happens when you overwrite these things in your subconscious? Because again, if you're brand new, you're tuning into this, a friend sent this to you. You've never ever heard of this type of manifestation. The biggest key difference here is we manifest from our subconscious imprintation, not from our conscious thoughts. That's what makes this formula of manifestation so effective. Why we have thousands and thousands of testimonies. Because what we're Talking about from 0 to 7 and beyond, we'll talk about whatever developed, whatever imprinted is what you're manifesting today. Where you had high self worth and your needs were met, you're manifesting easily in those areas where you didn't, which we call blocks, which is just trauma, pain, shame programming that you picked up. So let's talk a little bit about what that looks like when somebody goes through this, which we all have done in this course you do in your practice all the time as a therapist. When you do overwrite these experiences, you renegotiate the trauma, you give yourself and attune to yourself, your needs are met. What does that look like? How does that change? Because we can talk about this until we're blue in the face, but I just want to know through a therapeutic lens, like what do you see in your clients when they do that? Like what changes really happen?
- [28:44]
C
I mean this is like the most foundational principle to look at in tbm. People, you know, usually ask like what workshop? I'm like, well ultimately if you want to do anything like foundationally, you need to start with an inner child right now just think in your mind like what did you need the most from your dad? What did you need the Most from your mom. That's what your inner child is needing from you now. And you're going to take those things, right? If it was empathy, compassion, attunement, maybe it was discipline, maybe it was boundaries, whatever words came to mind, you're going to take those words, you're going to reparent yourself at every single step of the ways with those needs in mind. And what that does, because we're doing this on the subconscious level, we're not just talking about it. It's landing in your body with all the different, you know, somatic tools we bring into the di. It's landing in your subconscious, in your body in a way where there's a healing, there's a corrective experience, the trauma gets renegotiated. You know, the three year old version of you is still very much alive and well. The five year old version of you is very much alive and well. The angsty 14 year old in you is very alive and well. So it's really making a deep connection with those parts and saying, hi, I see still see you. I know you didn't get that and I'm here for you now to give you those needs and we're okay now. And there's a settling, there's a settling in your, your whole energy and your psyche where you're not as, I mean you take this anywhere you go literally from like the grocery store line of having patience to your partner when you're deeply triggered, but especially in partnerships, that's where we really, really see, see now our inner child coming online when your partner is like nagging you, giving you a comment or feedback about the dishes or something in the house that you didn't, whatever, and you get that big reaction, really that's your 10 year old self coming up whose mom was critical of you. And that's when our inner child like really comes out. And so the more we do this inner child healing and exercises, the more that part, those they, they come out less and less and we're like, oh, I know what that that person just triggered and it's not about that. And we can go, oh yeah, you're right, I did the thing with the dishes again and it's, and it's not a big deal.
- [31:09]
A
I think it's also so beautiful when you have awareness on your own stuff and you can voice it and then also communicate that to your partner as well. Some of the greatest work that Daniel and I have done over the years is trying to really understand like oh, that is that part of you that's up that I'm communicating with right now, like your younger self who wants X and is seeing me as Y. That's what we're dealing with and vice versa. And so that's been really beautiful. But you can see, I mean, Lacy, you talk about the love, money connection so much, where it's coming up in relationship, it's also mirroring our relationship to money. And if you think about anything, we're manifesting this first phase of trust and safety. This is it. Any place that you're blocked in money or love, like, this is it, this is the phase. And it may seem like very simplistic, like so I just need to, you know, have myself be like hugged and rocked more. But it's so much more beyond just that. And that's why also we have embodiment practices in the challenge where you're actually gonna like physically do some practices with that. But it's this felt sense of safety you start to develop internally. It's the secure attachment to self because you are the one guiding yourself through the di. Like you're sitting in the room, you're choosing the time you want to put it on. You're re parenting with a version of your higher self. You form a secure attachment. You are meeting your needs and ultimately.
- [32:41]
B
With the universe, right? Like at the end of the day, you're learning magic, right? So what I mean by that is someone like me who, as you guys are talking, it's so painful going through this first phase. I'm like, yeah, no, no, I can tell because I'm an avoidant. I'm all the things we're talking about just Simply from this first phase of having two 19 year old parents who didn't want to have a baby, got pregnant, split not long after going from household to household. Like, I am a great example of this. And ultimately, at the end of the day, through this reparenting work that you'll be doing the biggest piece, not only are you becoming, you're working with your highest self and in it really magical things like magnetic homes and magnetic parents and all of that kind of stuff. But ultimately you're learning that you can always trust the universe. That's what sets us apart from all other inner child reparenting work. And not to mention, you know, with your help and the latest and most effective tools out there, we're incorporating like you're talking about Jessica, embodiment tools, parts work, somatic tools. You know, these are those state of the art things that actually move the needle quickly. So this workshop is absolutely step one in manifestation after how to manifest. That's why to me, it's been so crucial that we do it. But beyond that, it's not like you're just hugging and rocking yourself like you're learning to trust the universe and that you have to understand how to communicate with the universe properly and how to work with the universe properly in order to get the life you deserve and want. You have to know how there's such a language to manifestation. And so, you know, we talk about it. It's unblocking, expand. If you're brand new here, expanding and aligned action. You're learning how to do that work in here. It's not just the unblocking. You're going through the expansion piece too. Are you kidding? That reptilian brain of yours that's still completely looping from this first phase of no memories, just completely somatically in your body of how you cannot trust anyone, you are not safe, you will not always be protected. You have to learn how to have that dance with the universe to understand. Ultimately, it's never going to be my parents who are going to do this for me maybe a little bit. But ultimately it's the universe. And to really kind of loop back around to step one. The universe's only intention is getting back to our whole, worthy, authentic essence. That essence we were before we chose our parents and to come through them divinely. The universe is only curious about that, right? Like that's our most magnetic cell. So if you think about that prior to even taking a body, being inside of your mother's body, you were the universe's child. That's why I believe that it's only interested in that totally authentic essence of yours. You have a very specific, unique imprint of an essence that comes through with purpose. So I like to look at this as beyond just our inner child. Physically in this body, in this lifetime, we're re parenting to understand our most authentic essence outside of all of that pain, shame and programming to get back to being like the one consciousness of the universe's child in order to manifest everything that the universe is wanting to give us.
- [36:04]
A
So good. I recorded with Taylor Page of Angels and Amethyst not long ago and she said that she got a channeling that the inner child is our spirit guide connecting us back to our authenticity that we can think about like really connecting with the magic, the joy, the essence, the purity of our inner child to be that map back to authenticity. And you know, obviously authenticity is such a buzzword, but so many people don't really understand, like, can't distill down, can't put into like, okay. But because it's so different and unique to everyone else, like what is authenticity? And the map to your authenticity starts with your inner child. Like it had all of the keys to that authenticity there. It was the pain, shame, the needs not met that got piled on top that clouded that authenticity. So if we can start to meet those needs so we stop trying to control situations or self sabotage or do these things that are actually pushing away our authenticity, pushing away our manifestations and let our authenticity shine and come through, which is what we're going to reclaim in the challenge. That's where magnetism happens. That's where you're in a flow and a dance and you're like, wow, this came through. And manifestation is so easy. It just flows and dances. Doesn't mean you won't have challenges in life. But it just comes so much more easily because you're guided and you know you're okay. Even in those periods when you're waiting for your manifestation, you're like, oh, I know it's coming. I'm so okay. This is just this chapter of the journey. I trust myself, I feel safe. You know, it's all that foundational piece.
- [37:47]
C
Basically. Lacey, it feels like, you know, you had all this wounding when you were, you know, from the 19 year old parents and all of that. And somewhere along the line you were like, I think when you're creating this work, maybe without the, the words, you're like, I need to have a secure attachment with the universe. And you were learning how to not control, how to trust, how to feel safe. And all of that really birthed tbm.
- [38:11]
B
You know, totally, completely. It was the universe's womb.
- [38:20]
Figuratively, the mother, the father. Yeah, the universe. When I'm doing this, this is my mag there. It's my magnetic parents. Oh yeah. Like that's where I go, you know what I mean? After having done this so many times, ultimately people are always going to be people. You know, that we all have our stuff, they had their stuff from their parents and blah blah, blah, that ultimately the only sure thing to me is the universe, which is all my wounding right that like only will trust me.
- [38:52]
A
Foreign.
- [39:03]
If you are walking into this season feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, exhausted, tested, triggered in love, money, career, relationships, all of the things or maybe just searching for clarity. You are not alone. It has been a massive year of endings, ego deaths and transformation cycles. And when that happens, it's always your inner child, your safety, your self. Worth your nervous system that takes the hit. Most people don't realize this, but your inner child is actually the one who is quietly running the show. Your triggers, your relationship patterns, your blocks, the decisions you make, even the level of success you'll allow yourself to have all root down to whether your inner child feels safe. That is exactly why we created this end of year challenge as the Return to magic challenge. A 15 day manifestation challenge guiding you to repairing your inner child. Reconnect with your magic and step into this new year as your most confident, regulated magnetic self. This is how you will come home to yourself this season. Reconnecting with your authenticity, grounding your nervous system and truly understanding the patterns that are running the show that need to reparent in order to feel safe with all of the changes happening to us. You can access this challenge inside of our Pathway membership. If you are up for renewals, be sure to check out your renewal email or if you are getting the ping to join to be Magnetic. Now is the perfect time because we have our big end of year sale going on where you can get 30% off your entire membership of the pathway. So that means not only are you going to get this challenge, but you're going to get every single TBM workshop including how to manifest inner child shadow, love, money, boundaries, rut, rock bottom plus our entire library of deep imaginings, our science backed self hypnosis that are formulated with emdr, somatic healing parts work and neuroscience tools to help you regulate your nervous system and reprogram your subconscious so you can actually create the life you want. If you've been feeling stuck, overwhelmed or ready for a total reset, this is your moment. This is the portal. Return to your magic. You will walk away with a step by step re parenting guide that's actually going to change your reality from the inside out. This is the year you're going to feel more grounded, clear, confident and back to your magnetic self again. Again you can join us in the pathway with our 30% off sale at to be magnetic.com let's begin your journey today.
- [41:53]
Okay, so the next phase. Toddler 18 months to 3 years. Our other big formative phase. This is where autonomy and boundaries are learned. This is where you're encouraged to explore. Follow your question Curiosity. You decide that you have choice. You figure out that you have choices. You do you want to wear this? Do you want to wear that? You have preferences. This is where your no and your boundary of I don't want to do that. It's really important that that's respected Your feelings, ideas and efforts are validated. You're encouraged to try things independently. And you get pride from your parents when you do it, even if it takes you a really long time. But they're encouraging you to try to do, tie your shoe or whatever little thing you're learning about the world. Permission to express all of your emotions, your joy, your anger, your frustration without shame or withdrawal. A parent shutting down because they can't handle your emotions. And then boundaries and structure, safe to explore. Make mistakes without punishment or shame, even if you knock over a cup of milk, you know, making sure that that isn't met with, you're a bad kid, what did you do? Blah, blah, blah. More like, okay, well, we want to be careful. You know, something like that. Clear, loving structure and predictable limits. Correction paired with warmth and a real understanding that when you hear the word no or a boundary from someone, it doesn't mean disconnection or punishment. When you hear no, it means you're still connected. But there's just a limit here. And I think this is really, really important for people who have trouble with boundaries, both boundaries with themselves, setting boundaries with others, feeling safe to even say no because they don't want to remove the connection with someone else. That's really important here. And then, last one, caregiver models repair. Calm, problem solving, emotional regulation instead of yelling and withdrawal. So they start to kind of see, like, oh, when a parent yells or when a parent does this, and I feel scared they're going to come back and repair. Lacey, you were talking about this a lot on the tour that you are like, really, it's really important to do that. Let's talk more about this phase. Janelle, share more on this. And then, Lacy, I want to hear some examples of how you handle that repair and what that looks like just to give people some ideas of, like, what they could do in the DI's too.
- [44:10]
C
Okay, so this one builds, of course, on the last one, right? So the kids that really, you know, their needs are met, they feel secure. All of that. They feel really comfortable to explore. All those needs were met. That's the kid. If you go to the park, they feel safe and secure. They're like, bye, I'm meeting new friends. I'm playing with people. I'm going down the slide and they're looking back and they're, hi, mommy. And they're doing all the things because they, they've in turn, they have that security. If they don't feel secure, those are the ones that are. They're a little bit More clingy. They don't feel as safe to explore. They're not as secure. So. So their autonomy isn't. They don't feel safe to fully. Right. Explore. So that's interesting on that one. Yeah, that's their first sense, right. Of individuation of, I'm separate. You want me to eat this? And no, I don't want to eat that. You want me to do this and no, I don't want to wear that. And so as frustrating as it me as a parent, it's so critical that they're not shamed or shut down or if it is a no, it's met in a way where they can kind of understand it. It's like, it's more. It's more gentle and the way it's done, or they're validated or some. Some space is given for the fact that they can't have X, Y, Z. Yeah, those are the.
- [45:25]
A
That's the.
- [45:25]
C
That's the first dip into autonomy of separateness.
- [45:29]
B
Let's dig a little TBM style. Because we used to always say, we had the slogan, and it's very true. No is the most magnetic word on the planet. Like, when it comes to manifestation. Let's talk about boundaries. How much does this play? And we have a whole workshop on boundaries. It tells you the energetics and manifestation of why. So how does this phase play a role to the gazillion of people who have done this work and have manifested and have learned. When I set a clear boundary and I take aligned action, which is a huge piece of this work, so many people don't feel safe to set boundaries, to have boundaries. There's a meshman and also that safe exploration. I remember my parents, they didn't have the patience to allow me to explore and do it safely and all, you know, there was none of that. It was like, lacey, if you do this, don't do that. This is gonna, you know, all of that. So people, that's perfectionism. But I just want to talk about, like, what are we seeing in terms of blocks with TBMers or people interested or if you're brand new here on boundaries and perfectionism, really, here's just what's.
- [46:34]
C
Coming to my head. I remember I loved dressing August, my son, up right when he was little. Like little, like the cutest little outfits had so much fun. And then I remember the second, and I knew, and thank God enough at the time that when he was like, oh, I want. He loved the movie Cars, right? And he wanted to wear cars. And Thomas the train shirts. And I was like, here we go. It's so critical, right, that they start and have their own autonomy and practice expressing it and that that's received. And you look so cool. Like not talk them out of the. But oh yeah, your special shirt and the whole thing. And like, so they have a safe of like I can express and be this and this and this and they, they feel secure in it. But yeah, boundary injuries.
- [47:22]
A
Yeah.
- [47:22]
C
If there's, I mean, I'm wondering for the person that might be relating to this is like there was something that you picked up very, very early that it wasn't safe to be you, that you weren't going to get acceptance if you liked something different or wanted to do this or wanted to that. And that is like the, literally, that's the start of codependency of where it starts. That's the start where you get disconnected from your authenticity. So I would spend a lot of time in this age bracket in the DI's to say, okay, I'm doing this. And my mom and dad affirm it, I'm trying this. And I give a big no. And they didn't shut down. And they go, okay, yeah, like makes sense. And you know, I would play with it. You will feel it in your body where it's like, oh, that felt so good. I just said no. And my magnetic parents received it. You'll feel it, right. It'll land differently. But I would play with that so you have a corrective experience.
- [48:19]
B
And I mean this could not be more important because, right. Everything we're saying here at to be magnetic is your most authentic, whole worthy self is your magnetic self. Right? So in this stage, you are starting to express who you are authentically. And if it's shut down anywhere that is literally blocking you from, from being yourself. Right. Because you know, we all, we know this therapeutically, we know this, that our greatest thing in childhood is secure attachment, attachment, security. Knowing that our parents love us. So if there's. Something they're. They're continually breaking that rupture and not liking something about us or we're hearing them express things they don't like about other people that we inhabit. Like whether it's body things or whatever, we're immediately taking that in and saying this isn't safe about ourselves. So you know what? We're gonna put up the mask. This is our onion layer. We're not safe to be this. However, if you're wanting to manifest everything you've ever wanted, you have to be that thing. So this Is your reclamation back to it, right? And it's again not a blame game. It's not your parents issues. This is just the way they were parented. They were doing the best they could with what they had and their skill set. Even if they were completely, completely like addicted or whatever, you know, whatever their stuff was like mine. So this is really truly everything. I also think is this the place where we talk about where you may have lost your connection to intuition and to your own personal gifts. Those really fringe extreme, the things that make you so uniquely you and weird. The shit that's going to make you so fucking magnetic and work right now in love right now and being seen right now, this is the place where that rupture probably happened that you have that stuff inside of you and you just can't get that career off the ground. You just can't seem to exceed past this thing in your current career. Similarly also with the way that in your dating that love and money connection, right, like really being loved for who you are and being fully seen for who you are and then being loved when you have boundaries, boundaries around those things. Like this is really kind of everything.
- [50:30]
A
Yeah, I think this is the phase where that those gifts piece start and then the creativity and play one will like that intensifies it even more. But I think also here a lot of blocks that I'll see with people is because it's that autonomy. Like I can start things, I can take initiative, I can follow my interests and curiosity. I mean imagine a toddler, they're learning the world and the landscape for the first time. So to be able to like pick up a pen and be like what's this? And asking a parent like what that is. You ideally would want an environment which you feel safe to explore those things. Now pull that back out to your current self. What are the pockets of the world that you don't feel safe to explore? Right. So if part of exploring the world is exploring a passion that you shut down that you told yourself you couldn't be, well, yeah, you're going to have conflict now as an adult because you never felt safe to explore that. And so this is that first initiation point to you're actually safe to explore things that are different. You're safe to explore the world, you're safe to ask why, you're safe to have questions about things. And to that boundaries piece as well. It's boundaries with others which obviously is going to be really challenging. If you didn't feel like you could do that. It's going to Feel like, oh, if I set this boundary, I'm harming this person. Because when people set boundaries with me, they were cold or mean or they told me to go to my room and shut the door. And a no was a really scary thing. So I don't want to do that to someone else. So I'm not going to have boundaries with someone else. That's one way it could present, but it could also present with boundaries, with self. I was literally looking this up last night. I was like, okay, well, sometimes when I get. When I do very structured work, like creating the chart that we're using for this, I get so excited to do it, and I don't want to put it down unless, like, the next thing is complete. And I'll have worked on it for, like, two, three hours. And I'm like, this is a natural break time. I should stop. But there's like a. Like a itch I need to scratch. Or I'm like, I have to complete it. And I've clocked it over the years, and I'm like, oh, that's a compulsion. I'm gonna, like, you know, regulate and move on. Close the laptop. And we're okay. But I'm like, where does that come from? What is that? And as I was digging around in all the research here, basically, if you don't feel like you're safe to have these boundaries or you had an emotionally unsafe environment or environment that felt chaotic in any way, completion of something feels like security, feels like safety. And so how are you using pour boundaries, maybe with yourself, to complete something to give you a false sense of control, of safety, of security? That's a huge one that I was like, I would never have thought that it registers back here, but here we are.
- [53:30]
B
Here we are. Same here. Here we are.
- [53:34]
A
And then fear of failure. This is a big one here. People who are really scared of trying and putting themselves out there, because when they did try and put themselves out there, it was shut down and then rebellion and defiance. So it can kind of go the opposite way. Like, some people are told no, and they're like, okay, I'll become the good student. The good. I'll. I'll, like, morph into the people pleaser, whatever you want. But the flip side of that is, as an adult, if you are told no so much, you might be like, I'm never doing what my parents say, what authority says, what mainstream media. Like, I always want to be the opposite to what they're doing and doing something. Like, everyone else feels honestly unsafe to.
- [54:17]
B
Those People I know, it's so vast. Each of these are so vast. I'm like, I keep going through my head of like all the reasons why someone's not manifesting X, Y and Z.
- [54:26]
A
I think too one other place I want to leave people before we stop. When you're going through, there can be many different ruptures, many different places where you're like, oh my gosh, this didn't get matter. This happened here, this happened here. For the purpose of the challenge, we have this exercise in the pre week. But you're going to get really clear on the one or two narratives, one or two core wounds, one or two blocks that are coming up for you the most and impacting your manifestations the most right now. And then going through the challenge and reparenting just those so you can have awareness. You can circle things that you want to come back to and address at a different time, but you don't need to cover all of the ground. This is a lifelong journey with this stuff. We're not gonna overhaul it overnight. Just focus on that one thing that's really like the place you've been stripped to this year. What core wound is that pushing on? That's what we wanna take through the challenge. So there may be many things that you resonate with, but think about that.
- [55:25]
B
That's the beauty of tbm, right? People like really looking at this brand as you know, we were talking about this earlier, Jessica, like as the meditation app you use, right? Like this is your thing. Just know this is your manifestation experience in your app, your center, your brand. Because every time you manifest something you want, a new layer presents. Because ultimately as a human, we want more. And so that means we're going to go to another level. That means we're going to address new stuff. And I think what's so beautiful about the way that you re crafted this workshop is it's so much more digestible and faster now. Especially for everybody's attention span. It just gets like right to it. And so you can address like any new that's really coming up, any new big pattern that you're like, what I'm dealing with this again? Because you know, I do this all the time. Like when I was manifesting from one house to my next real estate property, it's like, and here we go again. All the triggers, all the things you're presenting. So just really looking. I love that you're saying that, Jessica, like while you're going through this version in this end of year challenge, like really addressing just what's coming up for you right now because that's going to give you precision as you go through in order to be a bit of a reader when the next experience pops up and how to sort of be surgical with it the next time.
- [56:45]
A
So good. Thank you, Janelle. Thank you, Lacey.
- [56:48]
B
Thank you, Jessica.
- [56:49]
A
You guys next?
- [56:51]
B
Here we go.
- [56:52]
A
Foreign.
- [56:58]
I hope you guys enjoyed that episode today. And if you're learning about these phases, you're getting excited, you're getting interested in it. I would highly recommend joining our Return to Magic Challenge. That is where we're going to go through all of these phases and really give ourselves what we need. So this upcoming week in week one, we're going to go through the Trust and Safety DI and we're going to go through the Autonomy and boundary CI the example exact DI's that are curated to help you meet all of the needs of your authentic inner child, reclaim any aspects of your authenticity, and reprogram any major blockers that are standing in your way. Don't worry, you don't have to have direct memories of them. It's going to be a really magical time. I'm telling you, these DI's are some of our most potent out there and it is not uncommon for people to listen to them, have a healing experience and then go on to manifest something small. Kismet, beautiful. Literally on the other side of the DI's because it loosens up so much. Make sure to give yourself some grace this week and lots of nourishment and connecting with your inner child. And we will see you guys all for part two. Coming soon.