Fail Better with David Duchovny – “Fail Again: Kumail Nanjiani’s New Ambition”

Podcast by Lemonada Media
Original Air Date: February 24, 2026
Host: David Duchovny
Guest: Kumail Nanjiani

Overview

In this engaging and soulful conversation, David Duchovny sits down with comedian, actor, and writer Kumail Nanjiani to dissect the nuances of failure, ambition, creative growth, self-acceptance, and the evolving definition of purpose. Their discussion moves fluidly from childhood family dynamics and career anxieties to the meaning of masculinity and the transformative power of relationships—particularly, Kumail’s partnership with his wife Emily. Intertwined with humor and vulnerability, the episode is a heartfelt meditation on why “failing better” is central to living well and authentically.

Key Topics & Insights

1. The X-Files & First Impressions

(Start – 09:58)

• Meeting on The X-Files: David recalls meeting Kumail on the X-Files reboot and expresses pride in seeing former guest actors find later success.
• Kumail’s X-Files Fandom: Kumail shares how the X-Files shaped his early perceptions of America while living in Pakistan—humorously revealing he believed the show’s claims of being “based on true stories.”
  • Quote (04:41, Kumail): “Honestly, when it was first promoted there in Pakistan, they said based on True Stories. ... I truly thought it was real.”

Notable Moments

• Kumail’s appreciation for the “depth of feeling” between Mulder and Scully, going beyond romance to trust and equality (06:32–07:21).

2. Family, Upbringing, and the Genesis of Humor

(09:58 – 15:38)

• Family Dynamic: Kumail grew up in a family where humor was central, but he felt overshadowed and only found his comedic voice in college, away from home.

• Unexpected Career Path: Despite his family’s support, pursuing comedy and acting was, at first, a confusing choice for his practical-minded parents.

  • Quote (11:00, Kumail): “Choosing to be in this business is objectively a bad decision to make... But they were always supportive...”

• Parental Recognition: Kumail describes initially feeling neglected or unsupported by his family’s lack of attention to his work—a source of sadness and motivation to earn their pride (12:19–13:26).

3. Identity, Achievement, and the Search for Meaning

(15:38 – 18:27)

• From Good Student to Performer: Both David and Kumail reflect on losing their identities as academic achievers, and the subsequent anxiety to be “good” at something else.
• Fear of Mortality & Legacy: Kumail reveals how a brush with mortality—prompted by his cat’s illness—deeply shifted his outlook.
  • Quote (16:38, Kumail): “I want my life to matter once I leave. I want there to be something of me that's left behind.”

4. Redefining Ambition: From Outcome to Experience

(18:27 – 22:35)

• Letting Go of Results: Kumail acknowledges that his earlier career choices were ruled by the desire for external success. After midlife reflections, his approach now centers on “giving myself an experience that’s worth having,” regardless of external validation.

  • Quote (20:45, Kumail): “All I can do is try and give myself an experience that's worth having.”

• Art as a Patient Legacy: David observes that creative work outlives immediate attention, patiently awaiting rediscovery.

  • Quote (21:45, David): “These movies, these performances ... can be more patient than us.”

5. The Value of Failure Indifferent to Success

(22:35 – 24:12)

• Failure as Growth, Not Just a Step Toward Success: Both guests challenge the cultural narrative of failure as a mere stepping stone, proposing instead that failure itself contains humility and unique value.

  • Quote (23:36, David): “Is there not an intrinsic value to just failure?... the humility that comes with failure...”

  • Quote (23:36, Kumail): “Maybe just lay there and be comfortable with laying there, and being really with yourself ...”

6. Purpose, Meaning & Partnership

(26:32 – 31:28)

• Personal Meaning: Kumail traces his original ambition in comedy to a “search for meaning,” which has since shifted profoundly toward his relationship with his wife.

  • Quote (27:40, Kumail): “I realized the purpose of my life is just to be with my wife... be as vulnerable to her as I can, and allow her to get to know me...”

• Art and Intimacy: Kumail and Emily approach both careers as joint ventures; Emily’s belief in him is a key source of strength. Acting, for Kumail, has become a therapeutic process of self-discovery—making more of himself accessible to his marriage (29:15–31:28).

7. Self-Acceptance, Religion, and “Bad” Parts of Ourselves

(31:28 – 33:53)

• Shame and Self-Acceptance: Kumail discusses unlearning religious-based shame around “bad” thoughts and learning to share his vulnerabilities with Emily. By owning one’s flaws, anxiety and shame lessen.
• Therapy & Growth: Both agree that sharing weaknesses with trusted partners is liberating and transforms relationships.

8. Performance Anxiety – Past & Present

(35:15 – 41:14)

• Pressure to Impress: Kumail confesses that fear and perfectionism throttled his early acting performances, notably on the X-Files. David admits to feeling similar pressure, even as a series lead.

  • Quote (36:20, Kumail): “I wish I’d approached it differently... I was very, very scared, put a lot of pressure on myself. I kind of choked myself out...”

• Owning Individuality: Both discuss learning that each actor's unique presence, not conformity or imitation, is the greatest asset.

  • Quote (40:19, David): “I wasn’t trying to imitate anybody. I was trying to do my own thing.”

9. Fun versus Pressure in Creative Work

(41:14 – 45:17)

• Rediscovering Joy: Kumail describes a turning point with Marvel’s Eternals, where he resolved to approach his work with joy and fun, rather than dread.

  • Quote (44:05, Kumail): “I decided I am going to have fun every single day on set... I went in with that attitude and genuinely, one of the best work experiences I’ve ever had.”

• Masculinity & Emotional Honesty: Kumail unpacks how true strength lies not in anger or aggression, but in emotional frankness—qualities he brought to his superhero role (45:17–49:33).

10. Success as a Trap and the Value of New Challenges

(50:11 – 52:43)

• The Cage of Achievement: David notes that great success can create its own prison by binding you to repeat past victories.

  • Quote (50:36, David): “Success is actually the cage… nothing better than failure to move you forward.”

• Seeking What’s Unfamiliar: Kumail’s new “ambition” is to pursue only what’s different and challenging, rather than seeking praise or repetition.

• Award Recognition: Both men reflect humorously and humbly on the fleeting high of external accolades and how that shouldn’t drive one’s purpose.

  • Quote (51:30, Kumail): “It doesn’t matter that you win until the moment before they say the name of the other guy.”

Notable Quotes

• Kumail on Marriage:
  “I realized the purpose of my life is just to be with my wife... that is the project of my life.” (27:40)

• David on Artistic Longevity:
  “These movies, these shows, these performances, they can be more patient than us.” (21:45)

• Kumail on Letting Go of Results-Based Work:
  “All I can do is try and give myself an experience that's worth having.” (20:45)

• David on Failure:
  “Is there not an intrinsic value to just failure?... the humility that comes with failure...” (23:36)

• Kumail on Masculinity:
  “Anger can be weakness, and I think saying that you’re sad or scared is powerful. I think that’s real strength.” (47:28)

• Kumail on Awards:
  “It doesn’t matter that you win until the moment before they say the name of the other guy.” (51:25)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• Intro / Meeting Kumail – 00:36–03:10
• X-Files & America, Childhood Fandom – 04:23–07:21
• Family Humor & Finding His Voice – 08:52–10:15
• Parental Support and Career Doubts – 10:15–13:26
• Losing Academic Identity / Search for Purpose – 14:49–16:38
• Midlife, Mortality, and Shifting Ambition – 17:25–19:33
• Redefining Approach to Work – 19:33–20:57
• Art’s Longevity and Patient Audience – 21:44–21:59
• Failure’s True Value – 22:35–24:12
• Meaning & Marriage as Central Purpose – 27:40–28:56
• Vulnerability, Therapy, and Self-acceptance – 31:28–33:53
• Performance Anxiety on the X-Files – 35:15–36:20
• Fun versus Pressure in Work—Eternals Experience – 43:41–45:17
• Masculinity & Heroism Redefined – 45:17–49:33
• Success, Failure, and Ambition Going Forward – 50:11–52:43

Tone & Style

Throughout, the conversation is candid, introspective, and often laced with dry humor. Both Duchovny and Nanjiani are intelligent and deeply reflective—never shying away from vulnerability or self-deprecation. Emotional honesty is central, with each guest gently interrogating the contemporary myths around masculinity, success, failure, and intimacy.

Memorable Moments

• Kumail’s revelation that he believed the X-Files was “based on true stories” as a boy in Pakistan, shaping his idea of America as a land of aliens and psychics.
• The moving description of Kumail’s ambition transforming from wanting to leave a legacy through art to prioritizing deep connection with his wife.
• The mutual confessions of performance anxiety even by established actors, and the relief—and fun—that comes from finally letting go of perfectionism.

In Summary

This episode is a nuanced, generous, and often funny exploration of the purpose behind ambition, the reframing of failure, and the lifelong process of self-discovery—both alone and in partnership. Anyone seeking meaning, creative inspiration, or reassurance that “messing up” can be its own form of progress will find wisdom and comfort here.