In this episode, Nikou speaks to Dr Janie Lacy, a master in her field of working with women with adolescents, marriages and families overcome trauma, anger, conflict resolution and helping them find joy and a place of unity. They talk about her journey to where she is today as well as giving tips on how you can have better quality relationships, better communication and how to manage toxic emotions like anger.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

A lot of us weren't taught to feel. My Dad was an alcoholic and my Mom wasn't raised by her mother. So, they bought a lot of trauma when they had children. Us children were seen and not heard. Then in your 20s you don't know who you are, how you're feeling or how to react to situations.
I find a lot of women – and men – if we don't have a template, and we try to enter a relationship, we don't know who we are and it makes a mess.
Women don't ask for what they want in relationships, business and life because subconsciously we don't feel like we deserve it. This can sabotage things when people are really showing up to be there for us or compliment us. We push them away and expect them to chase us and then when they don't we wonder what's wrong with them?!
A lot of women end up in the same kinds of relationships where they're treated less than they deserve. What we find on a healing journey is that there's some reflection of how we really feel about yourself. We expect people to treat us better than we treat ourselves when 69% of our own thoughts about ourselves are negative.
I ask people to make a list of who they want to be in a relationship with and then ask them to list the kinds of person those people would want to be attracted to. Usually, it's not the person making the list!
The friends I had at school I had to avoid the pain at home. My Dad was dealing drugs out of the house, my sister was in a toxic, abusive relationship and I found my grandmother dead when I was 12. I ran track, played basketball, I became a hustler because I didn't want to become like the women in my family, reliant on men.
My biggest mission is to help people enter their purpose and the process of entering God's plan for them. In the process of looking at how I saw myself really determined how I was going to see my future. Being able to know that there was more for me, even though I couldn't see it (which is what we call Faith). My friends were pivotal people in my life to get me to where I am now.
I was running away because I knew what I didn't want but I didn't know what I wanted yet until I had my own life tragedy. After being married for 12 years I realised I'd married my father, my husband had addictions, but I got pregnant and that's what made me realise there was something greater for me to run towards. I left my husband when my son was 10 months old because I saw what I was becoming.
Right now I'm running towards that every single person that I interact with is better due to my presence. I'm breaking generational legacy, curses, building a foundation for my son to be who God wants him to be and I now have peace of mind. Peace is priceless.
I see in women sometimes hyper-independence at our own detriment. There are many women working in corporations, but when that all goes away they don't know who they are.
It's not their fault, but many women will contribute to the demise of their relationships than they will even take ownership for. It's hard for women to step into their vulnerability.
When I had my child, I was scared I would lose my life because it seemed I was losing my freedom to do what I wanted. I couldn't name my fear at the time. But we have to name it and then build a support system, with no Mommy guilt. I got nannies and babysitters and cameras in my house so I can check up on him. You can still do all the things you want to do while being a Mom. It's not and/or, it's both.
Sometimes we make decisions based on social norms that are wrong, like mothers having to be housewives and homemakers to the detriment of your health and relationships.
How do you feel when you say “no”? Are you justifying them? This could be a sign you're codependent and putting other people's needs before our own. This won't serve us as wives, mothers, friends, business partners, etc.
The very thing that we struggle with is sometimes the very thing we're still suffering from, like including the quiet person in a group because that's who you've been or still feel you are.

BEST MOMENTS

‘Healing is so important to everyone's life.'

‘I didn't know what I didn't know. We need more tools to understand our own stories. We have to make sense of it first.'

‘If you look in the mirror and think “I don't know her”, how do you expect someone else to know her?'

‘I knew there was more to life than where I grew up. I've always asked “how can I get that” rather than worry about the barriers.'

ABOUT THE GUEST

Dr Janie Lacy, LMHC, NCC, CSAT-S is a Licensed Relationship Trauma Psychotherapist who has over fifteen years of experience in the field of relationship trauma. She is also a faculty member with the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals and an entrepreneur who took her counselling business from a solo practice to a group specialty practice. Dr Janie helps women overcome toxic relationships. She's the creator of Woman Redeemed, an intensive experiential group experience that uses proven therapy strategies to start women on their healing journey.

GUEST RESOURCES

https://linktr.ee/JanieLacy
www.JanieLacy.com
Woman Redeemed Monthly Program :https://bit.ly/3IkFbc8

VALUABLE RESOURCES

Email: nikoulohse@gmail.com

Instagram: @nikoulohse

@elev8tedtribe

Elev8ted Tribe LIVE & on demand workouts/community:

https://app.heymarvelous.com/elev8tedtribe/buy/product/13842

Gut Reset program details (email me nikoulohse@gmail.com if I would like to join the next group, or for more information to start today on self-guided course!)

now.nikoulohse.com

ABOUT THE HOST

Nikou Lohse is a mom of three, wife to former MLB pitcher Kyle Lohse, Master Pilates instructor, yoga teacher, and lover of all things MOVEment, MINDFULness, and commUNITY.

Nikou is a serial entrepreneur. She started her first company at 21 doing sales & marketing for Fortune 500 companies, made her first million at 24, and decided to exit at 30 in order to pursue her passion for helping others. She became a yoga, Pilates, barre, and mindfulness instructor, but her own struggle with SIBO and postpartum depression led her to redefine the way she took care of her body. Now, as a holistic health coach, she is on a mission to empower women and help them heal their gut through nutrition, movement, mindfulness, and spirituality.

CONTACT METHOD
Email: nikoulohse@gmail.com

Podcast Description

Failing forward is about the successes we find after enduring failure. Each episode is an opportunity to hear interviews and stories from professional athletes, entrepreneurs, executives, doctors, and loved ones who have fallen down, struggled, and transformed.

They'll be sharing how they got to where they are today, and the lessons they learned along the way. We'll be covering topics in entrepreneurship, careers, relationships, holistic wellness, mindfulness, gut health, and finding your competitive edge. With raw human moments and empowering information, this podcast is here to inspire you, remind you of your greatness, and give you the knowledge to up-level in every area of your life.

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Interview with Dr Janie Lacy – Healing Trauma For Better Relationships