In this episode, Nikou speaks to Dr Janie Lacy, a master in her field of working with women with adolescents, marriages and families overcome trauma, anger, conflict resolution and helping them find joy and a place of unity. They talk about her journey to where she is today as well as giving tips on how you can have better quality relationships, better communication and how to manage toxic emotions like anger.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

A lot of us weren't taught to feel. My Dad was an alcoholic and my Mom wasn't raised by her mother. So, they bought a lot of trauma when they had children. Us children were seen and not heard. Then in your 20s you don't know who you are, how you're feeling or how to react to situations.
I find a lot of women – and men – if we don't have a template, and we try to enter a relationship, we don't know who we are and it makes a mess.
Women don't ask for what they want in relationships, business and life because subconsciously we don't feel like we deserve it. This can sabotage things when people are really showing up to be there for us or compliment us. We push them away and expect them to chase us and then when they don't we wonder what's wrong with them?!
A lot of women end up in the same kinds of relationships where they're treated less than they deserve. What we find on a healing journey is that there's some reflection of how we really feel about yourself. We expect people to treat us better than we treat ourselves when 69% of our own thoughts about ourselves are negative.
I ask people to make a list of who they want to be in a relationship with and then ask them to list the kinds of person those people would want to be attracted to. Usually, it's not the person making the list!
The friends I had at school I had to avoid the pain at home. My Dad was dealing drugs out of the house, my sister was in a toxic, abusive relationship and I found my grandmother dead when I was 12. I ran track, played basketball, I became a hustler because I didn't want to become like the women in my family, reliant on men.
My biggest mission is to help people enter their purpose and the process of entering God's plan for them. In the process of looking at how I saw myself really determined how I was going to see my future. Being able to know that there was more for me, even though I couldn't see it (which is what we call Faith). My friends were pivotal people in my life to get me to where I am now.
I was running away because I knew what I didn't want but I didn't know what I wanted yet until I had my own life tragedy. After being married for 12 years I realised I'd married my father, my husband had addictions, but I got pregnant and that's what made me realise there was something greater for me to run t...

Interview with Dr Janie Lacy – Healing Trauma For Better Relationships

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