In this episode, Nikou speaks to Melani Ismail who – like Nikou – is the wife of an athlete, so shares some of the same experiences of being associated with her husband first in most people's minds. Nikou invites Melani on to the show to tell us who she is, how she lived before meeting her husband, while her husband was playing and now he's retired, how she has come into herself.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

I was a very good barber in LA, which got me into the entertainment world, especially the music space. I wanted to get into A&R and worked alongside P Diddy.
I met my husband after 5 years of grinding in the business when I met my husband. I was 23 years old and within 8 months we were married. It was the most shocking PTSD moment in my life. Neither of us was really ready for something so big.
Within a year, I was pregnant and the Raiders moved location, so it was just me and my son. Then, 3 months after that, he got traded to Carolina which was a major move away from family and friends.
3 years later we moved again when he joined the Cowboys. I was about to have our third baby. The football playing days were just one constant blur of moving while having babies every 20 months.
At 32 years old, a year before his contract was coming to and end, he broke his neck on the field and was paralysed. It was rough. He did regain use of his limbs, but it had aftereffects.
I started a record label in Texas, but my timing was terrible because we were supposed to release an album with him on it the week he broke his neck. I felt responsible for my employees' wellbeing, but we needed to focus on his recovery.
I wasn't always there for my kids when I was trying to rebuild the record label, I was happy building my business but miserable because I was missing my kids growing up, or tucking them in.
All my kids are incredible entrepreneurs, they watched what I was doing all those years.
Then, when I was just about to release our second album my Dad died. That was God's way of saying “you're not listening to yourself right now, you're concerned about everybody else, but you're suffering”.
Nobody likes to feel invisible, no matter who you're married to. We all want validation, to be seen and respected.
I feel the pain and trauma now more than I did back then, because I had to just keep going.
I pray tat if any woman goes through that that God gives you the grace to get through it and he'll comfort you whenever you need to grieve.
Guys go through a lot when they retire and all of a sudden they don't have the camaraderie that they had when playing sport. He went into a dark, isolating space. Luckily the NFL now reaches out to retired footballers and reintroduces them as a support network.
I knew that somewhere I wasn't addressing my purpose, I wasn't fulfilled. So, I started going to con...

Interview with Melani Ismail – Who is Melani?

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