Faith Matters — "The Art & Science of Getting Happier"
Guest: Arthur Brooks
Hosts: Faith Matters Team (Aubrey Chavez and co-hosts)
Release Date: October 19, 2024
Episode Overview
In this episode, the Faith Matters team welcomes Arthur Brooks—Harvard professor, acclaimed social scientist, and co-author (with Oprah Winfrey) of Build the Life You Want—to discuss the real science, sacredness, and practice of happiness. The conversation explores happiness as a learnable skill, the interplay of genetics, brain chemistry, and agency, and offers practical strategies for navigating negative emotions, building meaningful lives, and approaching faith, family, and love with renewed understanding.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Arthur Brooks’ Connection to LDS Community
- Affinity and Respect: Arthur shares fondness for Utah and the LDS community, noting a "synchronicity of values, of Christian values." (02:10)
- The ‘Magic Briefcase’ Story: Brooks recalls how carrying a BYU-branded briefcase made him more mindful of his actions, symbolizing how social identity can shape behavior and morality. (04:07)
"It was carrying this BYU briefcase, LDS briefcase, I was being nicer. I didn’t want to besmirch the well-earned reputation of kindness of the LDS." — Arthur Brooks (04:21)
2. Rethinking Happiness: More than Just a Feeling
- Skepticism about ‘Selfish Happiness’: Hosts raise doubts over self-focused happiness; Brooks affirms that real happiness comes from transcending self. (07:30)
"If you’re all about selfishness and self-care, here’s the punchline: You’re not going to get happier." — Arthur Brooks (07:35)
- Scientific Components of Happiness: Brooks defines happiness as a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning—not pure pleasure or fleeting feelings. (08:00)
- Happiness as Skill & Practice: It's not merely a byproduct of genes or circumstances; habits and practices matter.
3. Genetics, Brain Chemistry, and Agency
- 'Genetic Lottery' & Baseline Mood: About 50% of mood is genetic, but mood is distinct from deep happiness.
“Your mood is not your enjoyment and satisfaction and meaning. Those are the things you’re actually trying to get better at.” — Arthur Brooks (10:15)
- Agency in Response: Personal practices can elevate overall satisfaction and meaning, even with genetic limitations.
- Suffering as Sacred: Negative emotions are necessary, evolutionary signals; suffering can be sacred and growth-producing.
"My suffering is sacred. My suffering has meaning. I'm going to learn from my suffering..." — Arthur Brooks (11:24)
4. The 'Macronutrients' of Happiness
- Enjoyment, Satisfaction, Meaning (Purpose): Each aspect is essential; pleasure alone leads to addiction and emptiness.
- Enjoyment Requires Presence & Connection:
"If you're doing it alone, you're probably doing it wrong." (15:15)
- Bringing consciousness and others (people + memory) turns pleasure into true enjoyment (13:55)
- Enjoyment Requires Presence & Connection:
- Negative Emotions as Signals: "Good feelings and bad feelings don’t exist. There are positive and negative emotions that tell you when there are opportunities and threats." (12:13)
5. Agency Over Circumstances – Story of Arthur’s Mother-in-Law
- Transformation through Inner Change: His mother-in-law, despite hardship, found happiness not by changing the world, but by changing herself
"She realized, ‘I can’t change the outside world...But I can change the inside world. I can change me.’" — Arthur Brooks (16:21)
- Waiting on Circumstances is Futile: Brooks details the kinds of circumstances people mistakenly wait to change—health, finances, relationships—and emphasizes claiming agency over one’s own mindset and actions (19:35–20:26)
6. The Direction, Not Destination, of "Happierness"
- ‘Happierness’ over ‘Happiness’: Coined by Oprah, this concept reframes happiness as an ongoing journey of progress, rather than a final state.
"The goal isn’t happiness...It’s not a destination, it’s a direction...the goal is ‘happierness’.” (20:43–21:41)
7. Metacognition: Managing, Not Suppressing, Emotions
- Healthy Emotional Management:
- Not about making negative feelings vanish, but understanding and moving them from limbic system (reactivity) to prefrontal cortex (conscious processing).
- When angry, “Count to 30 while imagining the consequences of what you want to say.” (28:12)
- Tools for Metacognition: Journaling, lists of fears/disappointments, writing down anxieties, and especially prayer.
"'My limbic system is going bonkers. I'm going to deliver it to my prefrontal cortex and then offer it up to heaven.'" — Arthur Brooks (37:16)
- Petitionary Prayer as Metacognition: Prayers of petition ("help me...") help articulate worries, reinforce humility (“thy will be done”), and move negative feelings into constructive action. (37:15–44:41)
8. Faith, Family, Friends, and Work: The ‘Big Four’ Practices of Fuller Living
- Four Domains:
- Faith (not always denominational; transcendence—a connection beyond self)
- Family (cultivating close, unconditional relationships)
- Friendship (real vs. deal friends; oxytocin & true connection)
- Work that Serves Others (a sense of meaning from labor that benefits others)
"You got to do something. That's what I mean by faith. And again, I'm not a syncretist...but my point here is what actually brings people a lot of the worldly happiness that we're seeking." — Arthur Brooks (46:03–48:05)
9. Navigating Family Values Breaches and Unconditional Love
- When Family Members’ Faith Changes: Brooks counsels not to center happiness in controlling others’ beliefs or behaviors.
- Children are "not your kids...they're God's kids. And you're just stewarding it."
- Maintain unconditional love, even if dreams for unity or faith continuity are dashed.
"There should be nothing your kids do...that should put your love for them in question. And they should know that." — Arthur Brooks (53:42–54:01)
- Avoid ‘values breach’ rifts: Disagree without withdrawing love or rejecting the person (54:20–57:46)
10. Real Friends vs. Deal Friends, and the Loneliness Crisis
- Deal Friends: Those connected through utility (work, acquaintances); not enough for a fulfilling life.
- Real Friends: Offer "cosmic usefulness"—useless in a material sense, but essential for meaning and love.
"Your real friends are useless. Beautiful useless, cosmically useless." — Arthur Brooks (60:33)
- Social Media Is Not Friendship: Oxytocin, the love molecule, comes from presence and real connection—not likes or messages (58:13–59:51)
11. The Centrality of Love
- All Four Practices Are Forms of Love: Love of God (faith), love of family, love of friends, love through work.
- Love as a Decision, Not Just Feeling:
“To love is to will the good of the other as other. That's St. Thomas Aquinas, based on Aristotle. And perfect love drives out fear, according to the apostle John. But that means it's a decision to love, a commitment.”
- Radical Love: Deciding to love, not just when easy or sentimental, but especially when hard—including loving one's enemies (Matthew 5:44).
“Whenever you’re in doubt, love more. And how do we know this?...When couples are struggling...when they learn how to practice approach...that's a stronger couple...Love is decision, right?” — Arthur Brooks (60:56–63:17)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On the Social Science of Happiness:
“Happiness is something that is scientifically valid and observable and something that we can study and we can practice and get better at, and a good deal of it is actually transcending yourself.” — Arthur Brooks (08:00)
- On Suffering:
“Suffering is an incredibly sacred and beautiful thing. That’s the only way that we learn and we grow.” — Arthur Brooks (11:17)
- On Agency:
“I can’t change the outside world. That’s an incredibly inefficient strategy. But I can change the inside world. I can change me.” (16:21)
- On Friendship:
“Social media is the fast food of social life. You’re craving oxytocin...you'll binge...but the problem is you'll get lonelier and lonelier.” (58:29–59:35)
- On Prayer:
“Prayers of petition, for sure...when you bring your concerns to God...you’re articulating them and they're no longer ghosts in the machine...you’re bringing them to your prefrontal cortex.” (37:16)
- On Love:
“Love, by the way, is not a feeling. Love is a decision. To love is to will the good of the other as other.” (61:33–61:41)
Key Timestamps
- 02:00 — Arthur Brooks describes his relationship with Utah and the LDS community
- 04:00 — The Magic Briefcase story: how visible identity changes behavior
- 07:30 — Debate about the point/purpose of happiness: self vs. others
- 10:00 — The heritability of happiness and distinction between mood and true happiness
- 11:24 — “My suffering is sacred"
- 13:55 — Pleasure vs. enjoyment: the importance of presence and people
- 16:04 — Brooks’s mother-in-law and the lesson of inner transformation
- 20:43 — ‘Happierness’: reframing happiness as a direction, not destination
- 22:09–32:11 — Metacognition and techniques for dealing with negative emotions
- 37:15–44:39 — Petitionary prayer as a metacognitive tool and the role of radical acceptance
- 45:27–48:05 — The four practices: faith, family, friends, work that serves others
- 53:42 — Navigating family faith differences with unconditional love
- 57:56 — Deal friends vs. real friends: friendship and loneliness
- 60:56 — The primacy of love as the key to happiness
Final Takeaway
Arthur Brooks and the Faith Matters team articulate an expansive, actionable, and spiritually grounded vision for seeking happiness—not as endless positivity or absence of pain, but through conscious engagement with our emotions, lived values, and loving connection. Faith, family, friendship, and purpose-driven work—not social media followers, not material gain—are the macronutrients of a meaningful life. And when in doubt, the answer is almost always: Love more.
For more, find Arthur Brooks’s book Build the Life You Want or visit faithmatters.org.