Family Secrets – “Homeschooled” (January 22, 2026)

Host: Dani Shapiro
Guest: Stefan Merrill Block, author of “Homeschooled”

Episode Overview

In this riveting episode of Family Secrets, Dani Shapiro interviews novelist Stefan Merrill Block about his memoir “Homeschooled.” The conversation explores the complexities and consequences of a secretive, codependent mother-son relationship, shaped by profound loneliness, manipulation, and unmet emotional needs on both sides. At the heart is the story of Stefan’s years-long removal from school—justified as devotion, but isolating and damaging. The episode uncovers how secrets, trauma, and silence shaped an unconventional childhood, ultimately leading to a journey of reckoning and healing.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Childhood Roots and the Move to Plano, Texas

• Idyllic Beginnings: Stefan remembers his early childhood in Indianapolis as secure, joyful, and close-knit (04:10).
• The Move: At age 8, after his father loses his job, the family relocates to Plano, Texas—a rapidly developing “city-sized airport, duty free” lacking community roots (06:00). The move is jarring, especially for Stefan’s mother, who loses her job, close friends, and her sense of purpose.
• Mother’s Transformation: What began as enthusiasm for a fresh start turns to “anger” and “rage” as she grapples with loss and shifting family needs (08:23).

The Family Dynamic and Mother’s Emotional Turmoil

• Maternal Bond: Block’s mother struggles with the boys’ individuation. Any attempt at autonomy is met with rage, followed by shunning and withdrawal—a “brutal silent treatment” (11:15).
• Stefan’s Coping: He learns to win his mother’s affection by performing sadness and unhappiness, initiating a codependent loop (16:04).

From School to Homeschooling

• School Troubles: Stefan’s transition into Plano’s regimented, “factory”-like school is rocky after his “Montessori-esk” experience in Indianapolis. He and his mother unite in shared disdain for the new school (13:19).
• The Leap to Homeschooling: His mother’s dissatisfaction—channeled first as maternal concern—shifts into full-blown zeal for homeschooling, despite neither knowing anyone else who is homeschooled (18:00). Stefan is deeply uneasy, but prioritizes restoring his mother’s happiness over his own wishes.

Notable Quote:
“What I wanted more than to be at school or not to be at school was to repair the broken world of my early years in Indianapolis. I wanted to be back and happy with my mother.” — Stefan Merrill Block (18:00)

• The Secret: Homeschool begins with weeks of leisure and secrecy, creating a private world between Stefan and his mother. The academic rigor is inconsistent—only math is scheduled, and Stefan often cheats by copying answers, which his mother takes as “evidence” of her son’s genius (22:00–24:00).

Regression and “Returning to Infancy”

• Physical Regression: Stefan’s mother attempts to reverse his growing up—bleaching his hair to keep it blonde, holding him like an infant, and eventually insisting he crawl around the house “to fix his handwriting” (29:46, 55:07).
• Isolation and Silent Pain: Stefan’s private rebellion takes the form of self-harm—a hidden wound representing the only part of himself he controls (30:17).

Notable Quote:
“I needed to have some part of my body that was mine and not hers.” — Stefan Merrill Block (34:00)

Emotional Enmeshment and Prevented Escape

• Mother’s Trauma as Curriculum: His mother’s pains and childhood traumas are shared as life lessons, delivered precisely at moments when Stefan might have broken away (36:53–41:37). Her view becomes the organizing principle of their days and curriculum.
• Friendship Barriers: The few friends who remain are driven away—through awkward financial arrangements (babysitting fees) and manipulation (46:20–49:14).
• Social Irony: While the house fills daily with children being tutored by his mother, Stefan remains isolated upstairs (49:14).

Breaking Point and Difficult Return

• Growing Despair: The years pass, with Stefan telling himself, "This is the year I go back," but circumstances always conspire to keep him in the bubble (36:03).
• Lowest Moments: Social deprivation peaks with the death of Harriet the hamster, which Stefan interprets as an allegory for his mother’s inability to let go (62:18).
• Return to School: Eventually, he insists on reentering the public school system. His mother sends him with an embarrassing rolling file cabinet for his typewriter, painting him as different and subject to ridicule (64:30).

Notable Quote:
“Looking back… it does feel like maybe a form of sabotage, because how am I possibly going to fit into… a class of my peers with… a 20-pound typewriter and a filing cabinet?” — Stefan Merrill Block (65:59)

• Academic and Social Struggle: Academic gaps and lack of test-taking experience leave him feeling lost and exposed (65:41–66:49).

Young Adulthood and Mother’s Decline

• Struggle for Independence: In high school and college, Stefan strives for autonomy. His mother’s inability to cope with “empty nest” leads to guilt-driven manipulation and the linking of her health decline to his choices (71:46–72:42).
• Grace and Pain at the End: As his mother is dying, she expresses a wish to come back as his daughter. Their final moments—via Zoom—bring both healing and sorrow (74:24–75:14).

Notable Quote:
“She said, ‘If I can choose, I’m going to come back as your daughter.’ And I was like, I don’t think that’s how it works…she’s already here.” — Stefan Merrill Block (75:16)

From Silence to Speaking Truth

• Breaking the Family Code: Block discusses the family’s long-held “code of silence” and how his writing breaks it, sparking candid conversations and healing with his father and brother (76:11–81:00).
• The Unseen Secret: Only after his mother’s death does Stefan learn of her alcoholism, reshaping his understanding of her later years (81:53–84:18).

Notable Quote:
“I look back and I see I was lying to myself. I don’t know, like, why I didn’t permit myself to see that particular pain.” — Stefan Merrill Block (84:18)

Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• Mother’s Transformation After Move (08:23)
  Stefan and his brother privately ask, “What happened?”
• First Discussion of Homeschooling (18:00)
• Hair Bleaching as an Attempt to Halt Growing Up (29:46)
• Being Dunked for Wrong Answers—“School by the Pool” (31:00)
• Isolation Amidst Household Full of Kids (49:14)
• Crawling to Fix Handwriting (55:07)
• Mother’s Health Tied to Stefan’s Independence (71:46)
• Final Farewell and Mother’s Parting Words (75:14)
• Discovering Mother’s Alcoholism (81:53)
• Reading Final Sad Passage from Memoir (84:39)
  “Weren’t we so happy here in the house when it was just the two of us?”—his mother’s emotional need still present at the end.

Notable Quotes

• On Maternal Grief:
  “For mom to have her little boy back in her arms is like a kind of medicine. But when the supply runs out, the crash will only be that much more awful.” —Stefan Merrill Block (02:20)
• On Family Patterns:
  “Any attempt to individuate…was met with rage, and then after the rage would come a kind of shunning or a kind of silent treatment that was just brutal.” —Dani Shapiro/paraphrasing Stefan (11:15)
• On Breaking Silence:
  “As soon as they were expressed, like the floodgates opened.” —Stefan Merrill Block on talking with his brother (78:00)

Structure and Flow

The episode follows a chronological arc: idyllic childhood, sudden move and rupture, descent into enmeshment and isolation, slow preparation for escape, and finally, the difficult but healing process of reentry into the wider world and the reckoning with painful truths. The tone is both raw and reflective, with Stefan’s literary sensibility providing moments of humor, sorrow, and profound insight.

Useful for Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This episode provides a deep, nuanced portrait of psychological enmeshment, the cost of family secrets, and the redemptive possibility of truth-telling. Listeners will come away reflecting on childhood wounds, the lingering power of unspoken pain, and the risk and necessity of breaking the silence, for liberation and healing—not just for oneself, but for generations.