Podcast Summary: Handling Sensitive Subject Matter in Family Interviews

Podcast: Family Tree Magazine Podcast
Host: Lisa Louise Cook (A), Family Tree Editors
Guest: Rhonda Lauritzen (B), Biographer and Founder of Evalog Life
Episode Date: June 1, 2025
Topic: Approaching Sensitive Issues in Family History Interviews with Empathy and Skill

Overview

In this episode, Lisa Louise Cook interviews Rhonda Lauritzen, a professional biographer and oral historian, about how to handle sensitive topics during family interviews—a crucial part of genealogical research. Drawing from her article "Speaking Softly" (Family Tree Magazine, May/June 2025), Lauritzen offers listeners practical tips, emotional strategies, and insightful guidance to ensure deep, respectful, and productive conversations that can reveal meaningful family histories while safeguarding the interviewee’s comfort and trust.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Emotional Intelligence as the Foundation

• Definition: Rhonda emphasizes that emotional intelligence (EQ) is the most important skill for any interviewer.

  “Emotional intelligence relates to your ability to listen with empathy, with absolute attention on the other person and without judgment.” — Rhonda Lauritzen [02:15]

• Expanding Emotional Vocabulary: Inspired by Brené Brown’s "Atlas of the Heart," developing a rich vocabulary around feelings helps interviewers both recognize and process emotions, creating an environment where deeper stories can emerge.

2. Preparing for Sensitive Interviews

• Advance Notice:

  “I always give questions to my subjects in advance... No one likes to feel blindsided.” — Rhonda [04:30]

• Pre-Interview Conversation: Rhonda suggests talking ahead of time to reassure interviewees, address any concerns, and clarify “off limits” topics. This establishes safety and trust:

  “Reassure them that you will respect their boundaries.” — Rhonda [05:31]

• Letting Them Choose: Offering a long list of questions and allowing subjects to select what they’re comfortable discussing offers agency and reduces anxiety.

3. Crafting Effective Questions

• Start Broad then Get Specific: Begin with general, gentle questions ("Tell me about your hometown," [06:42]) to warm up the conversation, then move to more specific queries to draw out richer stories.
• Avoid Overly Broad Questions:

  “Asking general questions is a recipe for a blank stare.” — Rhonda [07:49]

• Do Your Homework: Being familiar with the subject’s story allows for focused, meaningful questions, and demonstrates respect.

  “Doing your homework will make all the difference.” — Rhonda [09:18]

4. Structure and Flow of the Interview

• Using Timers and Breaks: Rhonda recommends dividing the interview into segments—both for technical reasons (manageable file sizes) and emotional comfort.

  “When they come back, the good stuff comes in the second part.” — Rhonda [10:14]

• Strategic Question Placement: Warm-up and icebreakers should precede sensitive questions, which are best asked after rapport is established.

  “The first half is for icebreakers and warm up... then maybe you can go into those things that they might have more difficulty answering.” — Rhonda [11:26]

5. The “Do’s and Don’ts” of Interviewing

• Do: Listen with Love

  “Bring love to the interview... When you genuinely feel a love toward this person, they will feel seen and validated.” — Rhonda [12:50]

• Don’t: Make It About You

  “Don’t say, oh, I went there too... Just make a note of it. But you never want to make the interview be about you.” — Rhonda [13:34]

• Larry King is cited: “I never learned anything when I was the one talking.” [13:49, paraphrased]

6. Handling Silence and Emotion

• Embrace Silences: Allow for pauses; do not hurry or try to fill them.

  “Be prepared for silence and embrace it. Don't fill the silence... Just have a pleasant look on your face.” — Rhonda [16:39]

• Prepare for Emotions: Bring tissues and allow emotions to surface. Shared emotion can deepen the bond and open the door for more profound revelations.

7. Navigating Declined Interviews or Questions

• Respect Refusals: If someone declines, don’t take it personally. Gently ask,

  “Would you tell me more about your reasons for not wanting to be interviewed?” — Rhonda [18:30]

• Leave the Door Open: Sometimes, people become ready later or after the relationship has deepened or trust is established.

8. Sharing Stories Involving Others

• Ethical Sensitivity:

  “There may be times when they say something because it’s unburdening for them, but maybe they don’t want it in the historical record... It’s important to have integrity and honor people’s wishes.” — Rhonda [20:42]

• Collaborative Decisions: Sometimes the person might share sensitive details with the understanding that together you’ll determine what is kept private or, if shared, how it's presented.

9. Powerful Interview Techniques

• Use open prompts: “Tell me more.” “And then what?”
• Soft “why” questions (asked with genuine curiosity, never accusation).
• Verbal affirmations:

  “I’m listening.” — Rhonda [23:31]

10. The Importance of Asking About Feelings

• Encourage interviewees to move from factual recall to reflection:

  “How did that make you feel?” — Lisa [23:40]

• Emotional impact is often more meaningful to descendants than facts:

  “Isn’t it the how, how did it make you feel that we wish we could get from our ancestors?” — Rhonda [24:26]

11. Special Cases: End-of-Life Interviews

• Approach with sensitivity and focus on the interviewee’s needs and legacy:

  “When people are at an end of life time, that can be another sensitive time and a really important opportunity... Show up in a space focused on them and what they may want to leave behind.” — Rhonda [25:55]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Telling your story can change its ending.” — Lisa (intro) [00:41]
• “We all like the chance to prepare in advance and to be thinking.” — Rhonda [04:30]
• “I never learned anything when I was the one talking.” — Paraphrased from Larry King by Rhonda [13:49]
• “If you just are present and validating and bring love to the interview... you can mess up a lot of things and love will make up for all of that.” — Rhonda [12:50]
• “Embrace awkward silences or big emotions.” — Rhonda [16:02]
• “Sometimes give it time. Some people may not be ready earlier in their lives, and they may become ready... after they’ve thought about it for a while.” — Rhonda [19:18]
• “Tell me more. ... And then what?” — Rhonda [22:40]
• “I’m listening.” — Rhonda [23:31]
• “Isn’t it the how, how did it make you feel that we wish we could get from our ancestors?” — Rhonda [24:26]
• “Not everything is meant for public consumption.” — Rhonda [21:30]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Emotional Intelligence in Interviewing: [02:15]
• Sending Questions in Advance/Prepping the Subject: [04:30]
• Specific Versus General Questions: [06:42–08:30]
• Breaking Up Interview Sessions: [10:14–11:49]
• Interview Do’s & Don’ts: [12:50–16:02]
• Handling Silence: [16:39]
• Dealing with Declined Questions/Interviews: [18:30–20:07]
• Ethics of Sensitive Stories Involving Others: [20:42–22:07]
• “Help Me Understand,” “Tell Me More,” and “I’m Listening”: [22:07–23:31]
• Getting at Feelings: [23:40–24:26]
• End-of-Life Interviews: [25:55]

Conclusion

This episode provides a compassionate and thorough guide for genealogists and family historians wishing to interview relatives about sensitive or difficult family topics. Rhonda Lauritzen emphasizes empathy, preparation, and partnership—encouraging listeners to combine love, respect, and careful listening to uncover not only facts but the emotional truths that make family stories truly resonant and memorable.

For more on Rhonda’s work and free interview resources, visit Evalog Life