Podcast Summary: Using Find a Grave Ethically and Efficiently – An Interview with Daniel Loftus

Podcast: Family Tree Magazine Podcast
Host: Family Tree Editors (hosted by Lisa Louise Cook)
Guest: Daniel Loftus, genealogist & creator of Project Infant
Date: October 15, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode is devoted to getting the most out of the popular genealogy website Find a Grave. Host Lisa Louise Cook interviews genealogist Daniel Loftus, who shares both practical tips and ethical considerations that family historians should keep in mind. The discussion dives into how to use Find a Grave efficiently, best practices when visiting cemeteries, features to better organize your research, and the importance of respecting families and the recently deceased when creating online memorials.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Planning Your Visit to a Cemetery

(02:42 – 06:31)

• Preparation is Key: Daniel advises planning your cemetery visits in advance. Use Find a Grave to check if a cemetery is listed. If not, start a new page and add details later.
• Photo Requests: One of Daniel’s main tips is to look for open photo requests on Find a Grave before visiting. These help people who can’t visit in person to see the graves of loved ones. Daniel shares how a friend’s photo of his grandaunt’s grave in New York meant a lot to him.
  • Quote (03:33): “Check to see if there are any open photo requests and if there are, try and fulfill them if you can.” — Daniel Loftus

2. Staying Organized with Virtual Cemeteries

(04:59 – 06:27)

• Daniel recommends making use of Find a Grave’s “virtual cemeteries” feature to categorize and track your research.
• He keeps separate virtual cemeteries for each branch of his family and for gravestones he still needs to visit.
  • Quote (05:38): “Other people may want to do it in different ways... but I don’t see virtual cemeteries used a whole lot, so I figured that might be a good thing to mention as well.” — Daniel Loftus

3. Maximizing the Mapping Features

(05:52 – 06:31)

• Turn on GPS when taking marker photos.
• When a photo is uploaded with geolocation data, Find a Grave will display a “Show on Map” button, which pinpoints the exact spot in the cemetery via Google Maps.
  • Quote (06:18): “Having that facility of geotagged photos... is beyond helpful.” — Daniel Loftus

4. Important Features of Find a Grave

(06:31 – 07:48)

• Family Linkages: You can link parents, spouses, and children’s memorials using unique memorial numbers. This enables clear family connections across pages, even when relatives are buried in different places.
  • Quote (06:56): “When you’re editing a memorial… you can link their memorials together by their memorial number… parents, spouses, children, you can do all of that…” — Daniel Loftus

5. Don’ts and Ethical Considerations

(08:19 – 13:57)

• Don’t Cut Off Contact:

  • Daniel strongly encourages members not to disable contact features. Hiding your email or disallowing messages blocks collaboration and efforts to correct errors or share information.
    • Quote (09:25): “Don’t cut off people from trying to contact you because you might be able to offer them information that you are aware of.” — Daniel Loftus

• Wait, Don’t Make:

  • Daniel advocates for waiting before creating memorials for newly deceased individuals—especially soon after their obituary appears.
  • Creating a memorial before burial or during the family’s grieving period can feel insensitive and cause distress.
    • Quote (10:15): “It is very common… for memorials to be created incredibly soon after the demise of someone… sometimes before the person is actually buried.” — Daniel Loftus
    • Quote (11:29): “I would just ask, you know, to be mindful… there’ll be time to add someone after, you know, they pass away. I think it’s important that whenever someone dies, you give the family that time to grieve.” — Daniel Loftus
    • Quote (12:39): “Genealogy is personal. It’s about people, and people grieve differently. It’s all just about trying to be as mindful as we possibly can with it, especially when we’re doing something so deeply personal.” — Daniel Loftus

6. Who Can Edit or Control Memorials?

(15:26 – 17:22)

• The original creator controls the memorial, but if a family member claims it for a recently deceased individual, they take over control.
• All edits from non-owners must go through a suggestion process.
  • Quote (16:20): “If they create a memorial, they can make as many changes as they want, but if someone takes it over, they lose that control.” — Daniel Loftus
  • Quote (17:08): “If it is a recently deceased memorial, you do not have to [request it]; it is just a, like, who are you to them? And then you can just take it over.” — Daniel Loftus

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Collaboration: (09:43)
  “Really, genealogy is such a collaborative effort, isn’t it?” — Podcast Host
  “Oh, absolutely, it really is. And if you’re cutting off the means of doing that collaboration, it just makes it a little more tricky.” — Daniel Loftus

• On Mindfulness: (11:29)
  “There’ll be time to add someone after...they pass away. I think it’s important that whenever someone dies, you give the family that time to grieve.” — Daniel Loftus

• On Respect: (12:39)
  “Genealogy is personal. It’s about people, and people grieve differently. And it’s all just about trying to be as mindful as we possibly can with it, especially when we’re doing something so deeply personal.” — Daniel Loftus

Project Infant: Daniel’s Work Beyond Find a Grave

(17:53 – 18:18)

• Daniel briefly shares about Project Infant, an initiative he started to record and memorialize names of children and women who died in Irish institutions, “to try and give the women and children... their names back.”

How to Use Find a Grave Efficiently & Ethically:

Do:

• Plan cemetery visits in advance using Find a Grave.
• Fulfill open photo requests for others.
• Use virtual cemeteries for organization.
• Enable contact so others can reach out for info or corrections.
• Use mapping and family-linking features.

Don’t:

• Disable all methods of contact.
• Rush to create memorials for recently deceased strangers or before families have time to grieve.

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tips & ‘Do’s’ of Find a Grave: 02:42 – 07:48
• Ethical ‘Don’ts’ on the Site: 08:19 – 13:57
• Memorial Control & Editing: 15:26 – 17:22
• Project Infant: 17:53 – 18:18

Summary

This episode is a must-listen for anyone serious about using Find a Grave thoughtfully and productively. Daniel Loftus shares not just his favorite features and organizational hacks, but also his passionate plea for respect, patience, and empathy. He reminds listeners to be cautious about quickly posting memorials and to always keep in mind that real families and real people are at the heart of genealogy. The episode closes with a brief mention of Daniel’s important work memorializing institutional deaths in Ireland. The guidance here can help you become a more effective—and ethical—family history researcher.