← Fated Mates - Romance Books for Novel People
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- [00:00]
A
Hi, it's Eric. I produce the show. It's Wednesday, December 24th at 10:30am and as you probably noticed, we're not releasing a new episode this week. As you've also probably noticed, we are incapable of going a week without putting something in your ear holes. So I'm here to talk at you for a couple of minutes. Before we rerun our Here Comes Santa Claus episode, I kept wanting to say Santa Claus is coming to town. And it's like, that's not right. It's not. The. The correct phrasing is slightly filthier. If you're looking for more holiday goodies from the podcast, we have quite a few holiday episodes in our back catalog. A number of those have been converted to lists and included at pagebound. And we have a Libro FM playlist that includes every holiday romance we've ever recommended that has an audio version. You can also find a handful of holiday ish videos on our YouTube channel, which are just visuals for our holiday episodes. We made it through another year and we're gonna do it again in 2026. Happy holidays and here comes Santa Claus.
- [01:44]
B
Tell everybody. Oh boy. We've just decided like we're just, we're free range now, everyone. It's season five and we just. All the things that we were holding in for the first four seasons just out.
- [02:01]
C
Yeah. You know what I say sometimes when I'm in this mood? I say like, shields are down. Like you're just getting me on full blast. Like there's no, there's nothing, there's no buffer, no buffering down.
- [02:14]
B
So we.
- [02:17]
C
Both celebrate Christmas, such as.
- [02:19]
B
It is in this house. We celebrate like we put up a tree in Hallmarky. Well sure, we do it real Coca Cola style.
- [02:28]
C
I mean it's.
- [02:29]
B
Did you know that Sam, we celebrate.
- [02:31]
C
The capitalist holiday that is Christmas. We don't really celebrate a religious holiday.
- [02:35]
B
Just like everyone else celebrates capitalism every day. But that's a different episode. Did you know Santa is actually an invention of Coca Cola? I mean not St. Nicholas or there are like all these mythologies that were brought into it but that like jolly bellied, like twinkly eyed, red wearing, not.
- [02:55]
C
Norman Rockwell, gray haired dude.
- [02:58]
B
Well, I think Norman Rockwell maybe painted it, but it was a Coca Cola advertising.
- [03:03]
C
The one with like the one with.
- [03:04]
B
The invention of Coca Cola. We'll put it in show notes and here we are.
- [03:10]
C
You know what? Actually that kind of makes it a little better for me because what we're gonna be talking about today is basically, I'm gonna say Santa erotica. Because it sounds a little less Santa erotica. Santa Rodica as a Christmas chef. Santa porn is. Yeah, Santa Rodica.
- [03:30]
B
So like, headphones in for small. For the protection of the small ones. Headphones in. Welcome, everyone, to Fated Mates. It's our Christmas episode. I'm Sarah Maclean. I read romance novels and I write them.
- [03:46]
C
And I am ton for procop, a romance reader. And I don't even know what to say, really. It's for this episode, really. Just read them. I'm just reading them. That's it.
- [03:54]
B
We did a lot of research for.
- [03:55]
C
This one because, listen, that's the best part.
- [03:58]
B
Let me say people are pretty pervy out there right now in 2022, because last year when we sort of vaguely waved a hand over Santa romances, there were not running, not a whole lot this year. Sure, Santa really delivers.
- [04:15]
C
In fact, if you know what, I probably peppermint flavored too. Definitely peppermint flavored. This year I was, I sent Sarah, like this morning, Book Riot published a piece that was basically like, you know, why is Santa Claus erotica suddenly popular? And they mentioned our last year's episode. And, you know, this person had some ideas about, you know, wanting to be taken care of and, you know, whatever. And I was like, I think all of that's true. And also, apparently some people just like a jolly man with a big bel. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
- [04:52]
B
I mean, we know that beards are popular in the world. We've all read a KU book with that one bearded guy on the COVID who seems to be on all the beard romances. And you know, it's a slippery slope.
- [05:12]
C
It is.
- [05:13]
B
Now I will say we're gonna start.
- [05:15]
C
Off, I think, by talking about some of our favorites, which we've talked about before. And I don't care. You can just fast forward. You can look down until you see a new cover if that's.
- [05:24]
B
But I'm not sure. I still think not that many people listen to that episode. I mean, a lot of people listened to our Nalini sing Caressed by Ice episode last year, which was our December read along last year. But people don't always listen to the read alongs.
- [05:38]
C
Well, especially. Cause that was like the fourth or.
- [05:40]
B
Fifth book holiday season.
- [05:43]
C
Yeah.
- [05:44]
B
So we're gonna quickly recap.
- [05:47]
C
Well, look, I think we both think one of the. The best entries into the Santa Rodica marketplace is Adrianna Herrera's Her Night with Santa.
- [06:00]
B
But wait, before we get there, should we talk about why Santa is so compelling for so many people right now. You know, sometimes we try to be smart on this podcast. I mean, should we try it all today or just.
- [06:11]
C
Yes, go for it. I don't know why. Actually, this is a tough one for me.
- [06:16]
B
So it does feel to me like there is a certain amount. So we've talked lots this year about heroes in romance being kinder, softer, gentler, more giving heroes.
- [06:30]
C
There you go.
- [06:31]
B
And I wonder if there's some appeal to the kinder, softer, gentler, more giving hero being also magical in some way. Like, Santa is sort of all of those things. He is the best of us in a lot of ways.
- [06:46]
C
Sure.
- [06:47]
B
He represents something that, like, we could all aspire to, like being just sort of jolly and giving.
- [06:55]
C
Well, I think. Here's the other thing. And we were talking about this before the episode started. This is, for many people, an incredibly stressful time of the year. Right. Like, just thinking about the holidays and the food and the gift giving and the budget. Well, it's a big lie, really, that.
- [07:13]
B
Everyone tells you when you're little that, like, it's all magical and, you know, there's. Because the truth is that behind the scenes. Yeah. There are a lot of people working.
- [07:24]
C
To make a lot of magic happen. Right. And I feel like. Yeah. I mean, so part of me is like, I get the appeal. Like, I do get the appeal of. What would it look like if this holiday was also really for you?
- [07:41]
B
Well, also, I mean, let's be clear. All these Santas, they are extraordinarily giving.
- [07:48]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [07:49]
B
That's like, in many cases, like one of mine, it's basically just, like, all giving to her. That's it.
- [07:55]
C
Well, yeah. I mean.
- [07:57]
B
Right.
- [07:57]
C
As opposed to this time of year where it feels like all you're doing, all, like, all I'm doing is giving. It would be nice to be given, too.
- [08:06]
B
Sure.
- [08:06]
C
Right.
- [08:08]
B
So I think that it doesn't take that. It's like Santa is the billionaire of the holidays. Right.
- [08:12]
C
Like, you could sort of. Sure.
- [08:14]
B
You could just see how, like, it would be appealing for somebody to just wander into your house, fill your stocking, so to speak.
- [08:23]
C
You did not just say that. I hate you so much and then, you know, wander out. Sure.
- [08:31]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [08:32]
C
Right. Like, that's also, I've gotta say. Right. He's got other places to go, people to service.
- [08:38]
B
And also, like, on top of it, I find that there's some. There's always something. The charact, the. The characters who are not Santa in all these stories, often. Not always, but often are people who need Extra love. Right.
- [08:56]
C
Like 100.
- [08:57]
B
Feel very alone or feel very isolated or feel very overwhelmed, even.
- [09:02]
C
Yeah, yeah. I actually have a new favorite, actually, based on that observation that I will talk about once we get to it, but I do think we should start mufing this.
- [09:11]
B
But that said, even though Santa, as we know him in the Zeitgeist, as wearing red and white and, you know, a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly, even though, like I said, he's an invention of capitalism, I do think that there is. There is all this mythology right around the holiday, this, like, magical person who. Or magical being who turns up and delivers gifts. And my favorite of all of the books, all of the Santa books, my favorites are all books that rely heavily on that basically invent a mythology for Santa.
- [09:56]
C
Right.
- [09:56]
B
And you were talking about Adriana's book, and I think we should start there because there is such a strong, fascinating mythology there that I have now. I think I said this last year, but I've now, like, imparted this Herrera mythology of Santa to my daughter as like, hey, some people think. Because here we do the kind of. Like, some people think this and some people think that. Some people think Santa is a family business, that people inherit the role of Santa. So go ahead.
- [10:26]
C
Well, and so in Adrianna's book, Christina and Farnaz. Oh, that's right. Thank you. In her night with Santa, the family business. That is Santa. Right. Farnaz is essentially the niece of the Kings of the magi. And so she borrows their beach villa for a getaway.
- [10:52]
B
And she, as one does. Listen, no one's going to be there.
- [10:55]
C
No one's going to be there. Exactly. And all she has with her is a suitcase of her favorite toys. Not those kinds of toys. Those kinds of toys. Right. And, you know, she's. It's essentially like a stopover. I think she's going to be with the family. And what happens, though, is Christina Kringle, who is currently, you know, in these names. I know. It's amazing. It's amazing.
- [11:21]
B
Listen, the best thing about these books is the name.
- [11:23]
C
Yeah. At one point I was like, everyone.
- [11:25]
B
Name all the heroes. Yeah, Jen, I gotta write down the names before we start talking. I'm like, well, they're not all named Nick because, I mean, let's be honest, they're mostly named Nick. Holly, Candy, Candy, Candy Cane, Christina Kringle.
- [11:39]
C
I mean, listen, I love it, so.
- [11:41]
B
I don't want it any different. Don't take that as any criticism at all. That's what I. That is the promise of the premise.
- [11:49]
C
That is the promise of the premise. I agree. So Christina, you know, kind of walks in. She's also planning to, like, have a rest over at this. At the. This fancy beach villa. And she finds Farnaz taking care of some personal business with some toys. This is her specialty. And she figures this could be fun for both of us. And it is.
- [12:11]
B
I love it.
- [12:13]
C
And it is. And that's all you need to know. The other thing you need to know is that it's 61 pages, according to Kindle. And I honestly feel a little ashamed of Adrianna that she couldn't have turned out eight more pages. Why? It was right there.
- [12:28]
B
You were so close. Ben wrote a second one, though. She wrote Toy King the following year, which is about one of the Magi's. And I mean, he is just a plus work there. She could throw in eight pages of the Toy King as a teaser. There you go. And make and really deliver the goods to everyone.
- [12:50]
C
Yeah, that one's great too. He's got like a, like a toy sled hover. Oh, yeah. God, me too. It's amazing.
- [12:58]
B
He's a beast on the COVID I'm.
- [13:00]
C
Not sad about it at all. They're perfect.
- [13:03]
B
So much fun. I really, really love the, like I said, the mythology of, like, you just like it's a family business, you inherit the job. And so my next one is also that premise. The sort of a family business, you inherit the job. So, Ellie Mae McGregor, we talked about this last year, I think, so I'm not going to spend too, too much time on it. But her the naughty list, which is Kate and Nikolai.
- [13:32]
C
Sure.
- [13:32]
B
A lot of these again, like Nick, Nikolai, Nicholas.
- [13:36]
C
Like, remember when you had the whole theory about, like, the Alexanders being something?
- [13:41]
B
Alexanders.
- [13:42]
C
These are the Santa Sebastians. Yes, yes.
- [13:45]
B
So Nikolai's brother has retired to Florida. He got tired of being Santa.
- [13:54]
C
I mean, it seems like a lot.
- [13:56]
B
Of work, let's be honest. And so he was just like, listen, I'm done. I'm done being Santa. I'm gonna pass it off to you. And Nikolai was like, ugh, okay, I'll take it. And he is now Santa. And Kate is a divorced mom whose kids are going to. Or she might have more than one kid. I can't remember whose child slash children are spending Christmas with their father. Their first Christmas separate, like during post divorce. So Kate's a little sad and she falls asleep under the Christmas tree or next to the Christmas tree on the couch and wakes up to Nikolai there in the house because he didn't get the memo that the kid was going to be at a different house. So he's there with gifts, but there's just a gift there under the tree for him, so that's pretty hot. The tagline for this book is, Santa comes more than once this year, which is.
- [14:57]
C
I can confirm. What else do you need to know about it? I just feel like that's all you need to know. Listen. But all.
- [15:05]
B
All joking aside, this is a really fun book. It's also really sweet again, and I think that that's kind of what needs to happen in these books. Like, it needs to have a real layer of sweetness, because you want these romances to feel like warm hugs. Right. I mean, you want them to feel like other things too, but you want to ultimately feel like you've really had a delicious experience. And this is really sweet. And Kate is really lonely at the beginning of the book, and then, like, all of a sudden, it's just clear, and she thinks, what I love about one of my favorite sort of microtopes within this genre is, this can't really be true. Like, this can't really be happening to me. This can't really be Sana.
- [15:50]
C
Yes. Right. Yeah.
- [15:52]
B
And that happens here, too. And ultimately, it's just a delight. Okay.
- [15:58]
C
I have one that in my brain I call BDSM Santa.
- [16:03]
B
Yeah, sure.
- [16:04]
C
Of course. It took me a bit to run this one down, because it's by Jody Griffin, and it is called Sleigh Bell's Ring, and I was sort of sure that I had read it in ku, and so I actually tweeted it Jodi this morning and was like, are you gonna make Sleigh Bell's Ring available again? Because here we are, and it's actually a free download, so everybody, if you go to, like, show notes and click on the photo, im, it'll. I'll take you right to Jody's page. And in this book, all of the reindeer are shapeshifters.
- [16:35]
B
Sure. How have I never read that before?
- [16:38]
C
And Santa is a dumb.
- [16:40]
B
Yes.
- [16:41]
C
And so when he's, like, whipping the reindeer to get them to go faster, that's like, foreplay. And his favorite reindeer this year is Vixen. Of course. Sarah's just like, I am in love with this already. Right? Yes. And I mean, it basically, like, starts off with her in, like, subspace, because she has just been, you know, getting. Getting it on with. With. With Sadist Santa, who, you know, has really taken care of her in a way that she likes the other Reindeer also, like, shift and like, you know, have sometimes, like, triads and polyamorous orgies. And basically it's just like a huge reindeer Santa sex fest. And I just want you to know that I just don't think anybody's gonna regret it. Like, there's like an entirely, like, list of, like, what all of the different reindeer are into. And I just.
- [17:45]
B
Is it like, at the beginning, like a glossary?
- [17:47]
C
Oh, yeah, basically. Oh, my God, I love it. Right? I mean, you know, Donner was a flexible kinkster, for example. Right. Comet was new to this year's team. Oh, yeah.
- [18:00]
B
So doesn't quite know where he fits in.
- [18:02]
C
Yeah. And I want to say I think Jodi was really ahead of her time because this was. I read all the way back in 2015, and I feel like she just was like, too early on. The, like, hot Santa banging you into next week or whatever.
- [18:14]
B
Well, maybe we're bringing it back.
- [18:15]
C
We're going to bring it back, so. And like I said, it's free, which is amazing. So anyway, there's. It's all just. Yeah, it's Santa Rodica, like, with a capital capital S right there.
- [18:27]
B
Okay, well, since you went poly, I'm gonna stay poly. Sure.
- [18:30]
C
As you should.
- [18:31]
B
This is great.
- [18:33]
C
It always works out, Sarah. Always.
- [18:36]
B
I read a novella also. All of these are novellas. Like, truly. Here's my thing. I actually did read one that was like 350 pages and I was like, no. I. I literally noped out at like 125 pages. I was like, too much. Don't want it.
- [18:51]
C
I think you need to know what exactly what the. This is Kink. This is. You know, remember a couple weeks ago I said it's not Kindle Unlimited, it's Kink Unlimited. Yeah. This is Kink Unlimited. And Kink Unlimited is 120 pages or less. Always. Always.
- [19:06]
B
Can confirm. Also, I think with Christmas and holiday novellas in general, I should say, or holidays in general, I think that when you are in a time of the year that is so holiday packed with stuff like the month of December, and we've talked about this on past holiday episodes, novellas are really the right thing for you. I often think that I should release a holiday novella every year. I mean, I never do because I don't have that skill, but I. But it's like the perfect. That is the only length I'm interested in for the month of December. Cause it's the only thing that I have enough time to like, sit and read in one full sitting.
- [19:54]
C
Yeah, agree.
- [19:55]
B
So. But back to polyromance. Everybody's like, shut up, Sarah. Just tell us the name of the book. This week's episode of Fade of Mates is sponsored by Nikki Sloan, author of the Frat Boy, the fourth in her Nashville neighborhood series.
- [20:12]
C
Jen, it's happening. Listen, this. I'm so excited. Every single one of these books really hit for me.
- [20:21]
B
Every one.
- [20:22]
C
Yeah. I'm really excited about this one. So Colin Novak is the big man on campus.
- [20:27]
B
You will all remember Colin from earlier books in the series. Colin is the friend. He's just always around.
- [20:34]
C
Well, he has an arch nemesis on campus, Madison. And the two of them essentially take a Greek wars tournament a little too seriously. And both of them get expelled from their, like, their prospective, like, Greek houses. Uh. Oh, I know, right? So Madison is homeless and she's like, it's all his fault and she owes her. Yeah. What are you gonna do? She ends up answering an ad for a leading role in an adult film. And when she gets to the audition, who is there auditioning with her?
- [21:08]
B
Let me guess.
- [21:09]
C
Is it Colin? It is Colin. Which honestly is like, the perfect enemies to love her setup because they have to bang Sarah.
- [21:18]
B
There's no choice.
- [21:19]
C
There's no choice in the matter, of course. Perfect. Right. And so they're super attracted to each other. The chemistry is incendiary. Right. And of course they're gonna end up like. Right. Like living together in close proximity while they're on this set. So you can check out the frat boy anywhere the books are sold. It is available in print and in ebook.
- [21:44]
B
And thanks, as always, to Nikki Sloan for sponsoring the episode. Okay. I read Kay Draper's Frosty Twisted Hearts.
- [21:55]
C
Sure.
- [21:57]
B
Which is sad.
- [22:00]
C
Like, we couldn't be more delighted by this, everybody. I hope that's clear.
- [22:03]
B
The heroine is a Frost, which I did not know was a thing, but apparently is like a mythological creature who brings winter.
- [22:15]
C
Okay, sure. But Loki is like a frost giant. But that's different. Is it different?
- [22:19]
B
Oh, maybe it's the same.
- [22:21]
C
I don't know.
- [22:22]
B
I mean, this is not Loki. He's not in the book. But there. But okay. The heroine's a Frost. She's in charge of bringing winter to a, like, resort town for Winterkins. Winterkins are like winter mythological creatures who really are into winter. And so, like, her job, it's this, like, posh place. Like, think Vale or Jackson Hole, something like that.
- [22:50]
C
Right. Okay.
- [22:51]
B
And. But it's just for these, like, kind of high level Winterkin people and their families. Right. Or creatures and their families. So her and she's been hired to like, make sure it snows properly and make sure like there's ice for the kids to like, you know, skate on and make sure like everything that, you know, whatever, whatever it is that people like in winter, everything is like properly frosted. At this resort, however, are a Krampus, complete with hooves. Everyone, everyone who loved that part of Morning Glory Milking Farm.
- [23:33]
C
I got you, I got you.
- [23:37]
B
A Krampus, a cupid who is not a winter creature but like goes to this stuff because he's really good at like, I don't know, he likes mischief and he likes making people. He loves making enemies to lovers matches or like cross species matches. So like we meet him in the bar at the winter resort matching a like werewolf and a like pixie and he's like, they're amazing. Their families are going to flip out when they, you know, like, he's, I love him. He's all mischief. And then a Santa. There are like five or six families of Santa and they're like high level celebrity creatures in the world and he is one of them.
- [24:24]
C
Okay.
- [24:24]
B
And he, the Krampus and Cupid are all best friends. Like they've known each other since childhood.
- [24:32]
C
Sure.
- [24:33]
B
And I'm not like 1000% sure what the plot of this thing is.
- [24:39]
C
Well, I think it's coming. I think the, I mean, yeah, it is coming. We all know what the real plot.
- [24:47]
B
Is, but Cupid is like a good friend. And he's like, hey, cramp. Hey, Santa. Santa's super shy and he's like, santa, your aura and the frost's aura are similar. You guys should go bang in the woods. And Santa's like, I don't know. And then he's like, mm, okay. And then Krampus, when the, when Santa and the frost go off into the woods, Cupid says to Krampus like, hey, you should take this thermos of like hot cocoa out to them because it's cold out there and while you're there you should bang with them in the woods. And Krampus is like, I don't know, but okay. And then he goes off and then the three of them are in the clearing in the woods and then Cupid shows up with more hot cocoa and also banging in the woods.
- [25:32]
C
Sure.
- [25:33]
B
But Cupid's not a winter thing, so they don't stay in the woods for very long because it's too cold. So then they end up in a hotel room. And that's kind of the plot. There's some other stuff Too. But really, it's. If you've ever thought to yourself, what if Santa and Krampus and a Frost all had Cupid involved in a hotel room?
- [25:57]
C
Which.
- [25:58]
B
I mean, who among us hasn't asked that question? Frosted Hearts by Kay Draper is the book for you.
- [26:05]
C
I actually don't think I know what a Krampus is, Sarah.
- [26:08]
B
A Krampus, that is the creature. It's like some Norwegian mythological creature who's like part goat and part monster and part man, and he has a forked tongue. That's important in this particular book. It's an important note for everyone. But he is the creature that he either steals or eats bad children. Like, in the mythology, there's no. It's not like you get a lump of coal in your stocking. It's like you get eaten by the Krampus if you're bad, which, like, as a parent in December. Look, I'm not opposed to it as a way of keeping your children well.
- [26:44]
C
I mean, that's all Elf on the Shelf is. Elf on the Shelf's a cop. Right. So it's fine.
- [26:49]
B
Yeah, but it won't eat you, Jen. And that is, you know.
- [26:57]
C
Sure. I mean, I've really.
- [27:00]
B
If I was. I will look that up later. I know sometimes I just say things on the podcast and I say it with authority, thinking, like, no one will question me, but I will look that up and.
- [27:09]
C
And no, that sounds right. I feel like it'll help with the mythology there for whatever reason. Like, that's just not like a sticky thing to me. Like, I think I've had people explain it to me what it is before, and I'm always like, well, you didn't.
- [27:20]
B
Grow up with Krampus as being the thing.
- [27:22]
C
Threat. Sure.
- [27:23]
B
No, that. I think small children in Norway, maybe.
- [27:27]
C
Okay. What do you.
- [27:28]
B
So. So where do you go from there?
- [27:30]
C
Yeah, well, I. I'm going to tell you. So I remember I said there was this book riot piece. So I dutifully checked out some of the books we had recommended. There are some new ones. So I checked out some of the new ones. So one was called In Love with Alien Santa. Oh. By Zara Zhenia. And in this, the mythology, because you're right, it was like, a little different. Is that Santa is Santa because he was an alien who. His spaceship got kind of fucked up on Earth, and then he got trapped on Earth. And so everyone, like, when they would sight him, this mythology rose around him. And so then he decided to lean into it because why not? I'm trapped on Earth and I'm immortal. And so he is Santa, but his name is Kristarkin Clarkastar. No, Clotharker. I'm gonna say it again because I'm not sure that. I'm not sure I pronounced this right.
- [28:32]
B
I'm not sure either.
- [28:33]
C
Kristarkin Klausarker is his alien name. And anyway, so the thing that's really.
- [28:44]
B
Interesting about this one, this job is.
- [28:47]
C
Amazing romance, you guys.
- [28:50]
B
This podcast is free. Can you believe it? Can you believe it?
- [28:56]
C
My friend Hannah sent this message to the group text yesterday. It was just like, romance is unmatched. And I was like, it's true. It is. It really is, right? Romance is the final boss.
- [29:06]
B
And the rest of it, the rest of literature, the rest of fiction is out there just thinking, those ladies, they don't know what they're talking about. If they spent two seconds with Faded.
- [29:19]
C
Mates, they would love it. It must be an alien Santa, right?
- [29:23]
B
We would wreck them with Scarfis Crarfestar.
- [29:28]
C
I know. Anyway, so Chris has.
- [29:33]
B
That's short.
- [29:35]
C
Chris for short. Along with, like. So his thing every year is along with, like, present delivery. He also picks, like, 100, like, of these. Really, like, this part's kind of effed up. But I'm just gonna tell you, like, kids that are essentially. Or kids that are, like, really praying for a medical miracle, either for, like, themselves or a family, and he, because he's an alien, will come down and, like, literally, like, make people cancer free. And so Jessica Lane is our heroine. And when she was a little girl, she saw Santa essentially, like, come into her room and cure her of, like, leukemia when she was, like, six. And now it's 16 years later. Santa's been. Chris has been keeping an eye on her, and she's a woman now. And, you know, anyway, he gets stuck in a chimney in her neighborhood trying to go down and save some little boy. Like, something goes wrong with his transporter or whatever, and he's. And all of his elves who are other aliens, of course, are like, we better go get Jessica. We happen to be in the neighborhood. They kind of all know that Chris really likes her, and she comes and helps me.
- [30:52]
B
We better get Jessica.
- [30:53]
C
Yeah, I don't know. For some reason, she's the person that's.
- [30:56]
B
Hardcore romance reasons.
- [30:57]
C
Yeah, of course. I mean, honestly, I don't even. I can't even go back and tell you why, but Jessica was gonna be the person to help them, and she and Chris, like, get together. And the thing that's kind of cute is, like, she's been writing her, like, master's thesis in folklore and her whole life, basically really believed in Santa. And so all of her studies are about sort of where these things come from. And then she's like, oh, look, I was right. And then they have sex.
- [31:28]
B
As is customary.
- [31:30]
C
Sure, sure. Because you know you're in love with alien Santa. That's what's going to happen.
- [31:36]
B
Well, I also have an alien Santa.
- [31:39]
C
Who knew?
- [31:40]
B
Look, it's a different kind of alien Santa.
- [31:43]
C
Okay, fine. Not part of the Clissarker family. No. Okay, sorry, everybody.
- [31:55]
B
We probably talked about this last year too, but ML Eliza, who also writes as Marie Lipscomb, who we've talked about before, who specializes in, like, I think specializes in this, specializes in bigger hair heroes plus size heroes, wrote last year what I hope will become a romance classic, Santa Claus is Going to Town on Me, which. In which Santa.
- [32:27]
C
The promise of the premise, it's just all right there if you can't figure out what's gonna happen.
- [32:30]
B
You know how I said at the beginning, at least in one. In one of these books, like, basically all that matters is her. This Santa is so giving. So giving. So anyway, this Santa turns up at her house. I forget why. I'm sure it's a mistake, but it doesn't matter. She's asleep. Probably also. Look, it's fine. It's really worth the price of admission. This book, very fun. Delivers exactly what you want. And the mythology of this particular Santa. Because the question comes up here and in all places around the mythology of Santa. How does Santa make all those gifts so quickly for millions and millions, hundreds of millions of children around the world, one might ask. And what ML Eliza has given us is the possibility that Santa is actually an alien who lives on a planet in a pocket dimension.
- [33:30]
C
Sure.
- [33:31]
B
All by himself out there in space, where time operates differently. So say 5 minutes on earth is about a year in this pocket dimension. So he can take all that time.
- [33:51]
C
To make all those toys, to make.
- [33:52]
B
All those presents and toys, and then what feels like a year to us has actually been like 10 years to him. Right?
- [34:00]
C
Sure.
- [34:01]
B
So Holly, our heroine, of course, and his name is Klaus, with a C, spelled Klaus, but I pronounce it Klaus in my head. That's their. That's the first book. But then ML Eliza knows the job because she got to this year and she was like, holly and Klaus maybe deserve a little vacation. We need to check in on them, make sure everything's going well. So she wrote Plowed, which is the second in the Holly and Klaus Series. And it's a really lovely little. Klaus is stressed because he's halfway through his year in the pocket dimension, and he's really stressed. He's behind. Cause you see, Jen, he fell in love. And love is a distraction, as we all know from all those, you know, billionaire romances. We know, love gets in the distraction.
- [34:58]
C
It's hard to do your job.
- [35:00]
B
Exactly. And so he's really stressed because he's not on time. And also, there's, like, this alarming alarm in his pocket dimension that goes off anytime the population of Earth hits a milestone that will require him to increase production on his toys.
- [35:16]
C
Oh, good. My goodness.
- [35:17]
B
Feels very intense. And so he's, like, freaking out because he has to make more toys. And he's been very distracted by this hot lady who now he's in love with and who lives in his pocket dimension with him. Turns out you make toys faster if you live alone on a space planet, I would imagine. And so Holly's like, listen, I can tell that you are experiencing burnout. And so instead of making toys, why don't we go to, like, fun islands and other vacation spots all over Earth and bang it out until you feel better?
- [35:53]
C
This seems like the right thing to do.
- [35:55]
B
I mean, it's just good sense.
- [35:57]
C
Look at she. See, we said it was all about giving, but here she is giving.
- [36:02]
B
She is. I mean, she's really thinking about him. So anyway, that's cloud. And you should really just read them back to back because they're delightful.
- [36:10]
C
Sure. That's, of course, how it should be. Okay, Sarah, the last. I have two more.
- [36:15]
B
I have three more. Okay.
- [36:16]
C
I will say one of mine is a mall Santa, and one of mine is a secret Santa. So I feel like if you have me, I think you should continue with Santa.
- [36:24]
B
I'm gonna do two then.
- [36:25]
C
Real Santas. Okay. Not Santa proxies.
- [36:29]
B
No, these are all real Santas. Leisha McCoy wrote a book called A Christmas Wish. This one, the heroine's name is Candy. Now, listen, I want to trigger warning this for people who have fertility issues or who are struggling with anything that has to do with babies, because this has a real, like, strong baby through line here. But Candy is a young woman in her 20s, in her mid-20s, who has been fostering children since she turned 21. Both because the foster system, you know, is terrible and needs good people in it, and also because she was told when she was, like, 20 or 21 that she would not be able to have children. And, like, that's basically all she ever wanted was like, have children.
- [37:18]
C
Sure.
- [37:19]
B
So there's a little bit of, like, I can see how this would be triggering for some people because her. She also doesn't date. And the reason why she doesn't date is because she can't have children. And she, like, is afraid that, like, there won't, like, men will reject her because of that. So just heads up on that. But the. But she. In this mythology, in the, like, world building of this one, Santa exists. Everyone knows it. And because. And it's also a family business. And his sister fell in love with a human and then decided that she was no longer going to prolong her life. She wanted to live and die alongside her human love.
- [38:08]
C
Right.
- [38:09]
B
So she quits the job and, like, I don't know, moves to wherever.
- [38:14]
C
Boise or something.
- [38:15]
B
Exactly. But in quitting the job, she has left them in the lurch because there are all these toys that have been made, but they haven't all been wrapped. And so Santa puts out an ad for holiday help.
- [38:36]
C
Amazing. He probably did in, like, a local newspaper. I mean, all over the world.
- [38:41]
B
So, like, television networks all over the world put out this, like, call for people to, like, fly to Lapland, in.
- [38:48]
C
Sure.
- [38:49]
B
Like, Norway, like northern Norway, and go to work for Santa for the month of December.
- [38:57]
C
Sure.
- [38:57]
B
And candy. Yeah. A seasonal job. Candy. Our heroine is from London, and she is like, I'm in. I love Christmas. My most recent foster kid has gone home for Christmas with his biological mom. Like, this is super great, but I'm a little sad. Cause I won't be able to make a kid's day this Christmas. So I'm gonna go to work for Santa for the year, for the month. So she gets on a plane from London, she flies to Lapland, ends up in the North Pole.
- [39:33]
C
Sure.
- [39:34]
B
And starts working in Santa's factory. And she's, like, empirically one of the greatest Christmas rappers who has ever Christmas wrapped.
- [39:44]
C
And so, like, did she have, like, years of practicing at, like, a local Macy's?
- [39:49]
B
She does not. She's just like. She's just like. It's intuitive for her. It's like, in the DNA. And so she gets there, Santa sees her. And in my head, Santa, like, this Santa is like a very Idris Elba y kind of, like, vibe.
- [40:06]
C
Right?
- [40:06]
B
Like, just, like, hot and Santa.
- [40:08]
C
Yeah.
- [40:09]
B
And like, a deep, nice voice. And he, like, comes down from his, like, office above the warehouse floor and, like, spends the evenings with her, like, after, because she's so into Christmas that everybody else is exhausted and goes home after a day of wrap she's like, no, I'm gonna stay and wrap. And so he. And Candy. But she doesn't know he's Santa. She thinks he's just like someone who works for Santa, a hot guy. So it's a little bit of like a maybe. Like it's a little secret identity. It's a different twist on Santa.
- [40:42]
C
And.
- [40:42]
B
Yeah, so that's Lisha McCoy's A Christmas Wish.
- [40:46]
C
I like it.
- [40:47]
B
And his name is Nico, obviously.
- [40:49]
C
Of course. Of course.
- [40:52]
B
And then I'll just do one more fantasy. This is a straight up fantasy that is basically snowed in with Santa, but there's a little bit more. There's like some dark magic afoot here too. This is Heart of Winter by Rizzo Rose Leah Espinosa. Our heroine is in the Black Forest on vacation and there is a danger afoot. And there is a kind of question of who is going to inherit a kingdom and evil brother. And Santa's evil brother is involved. And there's lots of like, Santa has an evil brother, like monsters in the woods. And she gets. She's in the Black Forest and she gets trapped in a cabin and Santa is there to help her, to save her. And so they just like, do it out and get hot in a cabin together.
- [41:51]
C
That sounds nice.
- [41:52]
B
And then it's much more. Rizzo Rose is like, clearly, like, really interested in, like the fantasy part aspect of the world. It's a really rich world building. There's. It's the first of two, but the second one is not out. I don't think is out yet or is not coming out this year. And then my last one is a person, a human person who looks like Santa.
- [42:18]
C
This week's episode of Fated Mates is sponsored by Pocket Bookshop in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, an eclectic feminist bookstore.
- [42:27]
B
Listen, a few weeks ago, I drove out to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, specifically to go to Pocket Bookshop. I dragged my best.
- [42:35]
C
Dragged.
- [42:36]
B
I brought my best friend and her 9 year old and my 9 year old, and we sojourned to Lancaster, Pennsylvania to go to this beautiful bookstore, feminist, anti racist, queer bookstore, in this big, beautiful Victorian house with a huge wraparound porch and all these nooks and crannies. It has a magnificent children's section and it has a gorgeous sci fi section and thriller section. But the best thing, Jen, was the romance section is front and center. You walk in, it is immediately to your left. It's massive. They do not shy away from their love of romance. And as a romance reader who has struggled for my entire romance reading life to find indie bookstores that really, really love romance. This felt like coming home.
- [43:24]
C
They have an amazing selection and a terrific website. So if you are not anywhere near Pocketbooks in Lancaster, you can still enjoy the very cool vibe of their website, including a Fun reading challenge. 22 reading challenges for 2022. I can't wait to see what they do for 2023. And also they have subscription boxes including a romance box. And for fated mates listeners, they're going to put together a cool sapphic romance box. You can check out the links in show notes or go to their website and hit shop and you will see there's like a fated mates option.
- [44:01]
B
You can visit their website@pocketmate bookshop.com. that's 2S's pocketbooks shop.com. again, links are in show notes. And thanks to Pocketbook Shop for sponsoring the episode.
- [44:17]
C
All right, I'm gonna go with Katie Wild's secret Santa before I go to the mall Santa at the end. That's what I'm talking about at the end. And listen, Katie Wilde, if you've ever read any Katie Wild, I really like, she has like a whole like biker series, motorcycle club series. I really like this one though. Listen, it's, it's like if you have any problem at all with like the ridiculous virginity thing, you probably are gonna have to skip it. But I thought it was amazing. So I mean, I'm embarrassed to tell you, Like, I'm a little ashamed. Like, this is not how virginity works. But here we are. Emma Williams has been unemployed for a couple months, looking finally has a new job at a local furniture store. Like, furniture store. And there's like kind of two streams in the store. There's like kind of like the prefabricated made stuff that they made, but then they also have like a side like a part where they do all of this like really beautiful, like handmade furniture. And she really likes her new job. But she has been, you know, she's young, she's 22. She grew up in foster care, right. And so, you know, the money is really tight for her right now. And the her new boss, who she likes a lot, has the son, Logan Crenshaw, who is always glowering at her. But he's glowering her because he wants her real bad.
- [45:41]
B
Obviously. I mean, that's why men glower, right?
- [45:44]
C
Obviously.
- [45:44]
B
Most important lesson we learn as children.
- [45:48]
C
Listen, I'm sorry, but I know it's hardwired into us. I know, I'm sorry. Yikes.
- [45:53]
B
Eggs on bikes, everyone.
- [45:54]
C
Yeah, I don't care. I loved it. So anyway, so she doesn't know him that well. Other people who know him realize that he is attracted to her. And so when it comes time to pick a person out of the hat for Secret Santa, he makes sure that he gets her name. And then. I know, right? He finds her outside and her car won't start, and so he drives her to her run her errands, and then, like, comes to back and realizes that, like, she can't afford a Christmas tree. And so he, like, delivers her Christmas tree while he, like, like sticks a little note under the door that's like, put this on. And it's a blindfold. Sure. And she's only, you know, she can't turn on the heat in her apartment, really, because she is, you know, struggling to pay the bills, but she has on, like, flannel shorts and knee high stripes. Sucks.
- [46:51]
B
Oh, my God, of course she does.
- [46:52]
C
Of course she does. Listen, I wasn't even mad about it. And she puts on the blindfold and, you know, he brings her Christmas tree and lights and ornaments and kisses the hell out of her and then just basically wants to, like, love and take care of her. But then he's really worried because he's like, what if she thinks that I'm expecting her to sleep with me as, like, kind of a quid pro quo for, like, these gifts I'm giving her? That is the small and inconsequential problem between them. Mostly it's fine, you know, but the whole ridiculous, like, he discovers she's a virgin, he's like, we're just gonna have to take some time and work you up to my huge, raging, monstrous guy. Oh, my God. I'm just like, is that really how any of that works? But it's fine. But it's fine.
- [47:36]
B
It's fine.
- [47:38]
C
So anyway, it was great. I loved it. But yeah, it was super ridiculous. Like, if that is, like a deal breaker for you at all, I understand. And I'm warning you now, if, like, me, you grew up on, like, eating that shit up with a spoon, you're gonna love it. Just like I did. Okay.
- [47:58]
B
My last one is also just a thing that's hardwired into me and works for some people and does not at all work for others. And that is dad's best friend.
- [48:08]
C
Yeah.
- [48:09]
B
Chloe Maine, who we have talked about.
- [48:13]
C
Before on the podcast, knows the job.
- [48:15]
B
Wrote a book called Santa's Baby and our heroine Neely, works at a elder care facility. And they're the Santa who was supposed to come and, like, be Santa on Christmas Eve or whatever. Doesn't turn up. And so she has no choice but to ask her father's best friend, Ford, who has a thick beard and thick.
- [48:46]
C
Other things.
- [48:48]
B
Yep, for sure. Who has, like, a big beard and looks a little Santa y, to, like, put on the Santa costume and come and play Santa at this, like, at her place of business. Um, he's also a lighthouse keeper, which. Sure, yes.
- [49:05]
C
Amazing.
- [49:06]
B
He's like a. He's, like, lives alone and in a lighthouse. It's very stark and barren. But, like, listen, I think we can all agree that Mystic Pizza probably, like, really coded lighthouses as the hottest place. I mean, there's.
- [49:21]
C
So.
- [49:21]
B
It's so problematic, that lighthouse bit in Mystic Pizza, but I don't care.
- [49:26]
C
Yeah.
- [49:27]
B
And so Ford has a lighthouse, and so they end up spending the night together because it's stormy and cold and she can't get home. And then she's like, I've always had a thing for you. And he's like, you're my best friend's daughter, but I have a thing for you, too. And then there's a little bit of daddy in here, and it just hits. What's the spot?
- [49:54]
C
Just not. There's also a wife for Christmas this year, new from Chloe, Maine. And I just noticed that it is part of something called a Colorado Christmas 14 books. And you can just bet that every single one of those other books in that series is a Christmas novella with, like, a similar vibe. And I'm not mad about it. Not at all. Okay, so I have one more. This is about the mall Santa. It is called. What's it called? Sorry? Oh, Santa's Helper by Shea Sanders. And this book is great. So Felina is our heroine. She is recently divorced, and she has two pretty young kids, young enough that she is, like, essentially, at the beginning, dragging them out to the mall, to the only mall that has a black Santa. And this is, like, the Santa she grew up going to in her hometown. So she is, like, dragging. You know, she's like. Even though she's recently divorced, she's like, this is what you do at Christmas. And so I'm going to take the kids and we are going to go see the mall Santa. And that Santa has gotten sick and died. And in his place is his son Julian, who Felina went to high school with and went out on a couple dates with. And she recognizes him, and he recognizes her. And so the woman who's, like, helping him, you know, like his Mrs. Claus, like, kind of bringing people up, is like, you know, she had to leave her contact information for, you know, to get the pictures or whatever. Like, yeah, you should email her. And he's kind of like, should I, though? Is that, like, against small Santa protocol? This woman's like, what's wrong with you? Right? So he emails her and they end up talking. And it's like you said, you know what? The one about this is like, this is very sweet. Like, they, you know, they get it on and it's really hot. One of the things I really. Can I tell you the thing I loved about this book more than anything else?
- [51:49]
B
I want it. Tell me.
- [51:51]
C
Like, I don't think I have ever seen this before in a romance, and I want to give Shea Sanders, like, a fucking medal. Is Felina is. So her kids are going to go to her ex husband's for a couple days for around Christmas. And at this point, Julian's like, well, why don't you come be my Mrs. Claus, right? This other woman can't do it or is sick, and so you can like, kind of help me. And they finally get together and she admits to him that she was like, you know, I love my kids, but I never really wanted to have kids, and this is kind of nice to be without them. And I'm gonna go. And I'm. I'm, you know, like, my husband asked me to, like, share custody or split, you know, kind of 50, 50. And people have been like, oh, that would make you a bad mother. She's like, but I'm gonna do it. Like, this is great. And I was like, this is amazing.
- [52:47]
B
Wow. Yeah.
- [52:48]
C
Yeah. Like, to just have this woman be like, I love my children, but you know what? He's a good man and a good father. And this is what parenting is gonna be now is half them. Half. I don't need to be a hero. And I was literally like, wow. And instead of Julian judging her, he's totally like, that's awesome that you said that. Right. Like, I just. Good for you for knowing that about yourself. I just thought it was, like, in this tiny little Christmas novella, like, one of the most revolutionary things I've read, especially as we talked about, like, Christmas is so stressful and have this woman kind of realize, like, hey, it doesn't mean I don't love my kids, but, like, I don't need to, like, go get sole custody just to, like, with my ex husband, like, it's fine. And I was like, wow.
- [53:37]
B
So anyway, I love that.
- [53:40]
C
Yeah. Talk about the true Christmas spirit. Like, realize, like, it's okay. Love yourself. That doesn't mean you don't love your kids.
- [53:48]
B
Exactly. Listen, it's. It's the holidays. Do whatever it takes to survive, y'. All. And if that means alien, small. Yeah.
- [54:06]
C
Lighthouse Santa, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
- [54:09]
B
We are here for you.
- [54:10]
C
I think we're gonna get more of it. I think next year is just gonna be a bonanza. I know these. Right? I think over the next few weeks, they're just gonna be dropping. Like, we're gonna get, like, a. Yeah.
- [54:20]
B
You'Re out there, and you write a fast. A fast book. Just write a tight 61 pages.
- [54:30]
C
Very tight. We would have to go back and practice before we could get in there. So wrong. I'm sorry.
- [54:40]
B
Well, we watched Bridget Jones last night, which is my annual holiday tradition.
- [54:45]
C
Nice.
- [54:47]
B
Eric was at one point, he was like, I don't understand.
- [54:50]
C
She. She.
- [54:51]
B
They. They see each other all the time. They've never seen each other before. Bridget and Darcy. And now they literally run into each other every minute.
- [55:01]
C
Romance Reasons.
- [55:03]
B
And he's like, why? And I literally was like, romance reasons. You edit.
- [55:07]
C
You edit.
- [55:08]
B
Yeah, right.
- [55:09]
C
You know the answer to that. That's literally. This is Romance Reasons at its best.
- [55:13]
B
But listen, what a delight. I cry at the end. Every damn thing.
- [55:17]
C
So my mom was here for Thanksgiving, and before she left, Mr. Reid's romance, and I watched four Christmases with her, which is the one with what's his name. He's not really in movies anymore, but Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon.
- [55:34]
B
I haven't seen that.
- [55:37]
C
It is good, but, like, in a terrible way, but, like, basically, like Reese Witherspoon, he. And they never spend Christmas with their families. They always, like, go to Fiji and, like, it's terrible. They, like, will lie to their parents, like, oh, we're going to, like, inoculate children in this country or whatever. Like, they're terrible people. And so their flight gets canceled, and the news people are literally, like, we're here at sfo and they're in the background, and their families are like, you've been lying to us all this time. So they have to go to, like, both their parents are divorced. They have to go to, like, so in that day, right? His mom, his dad, her mom, her dad, and, like, their siblings. And the whole thing is honestly ridiculous and offensive and really funny. And we had a great time. So I love it.
- [56:25]
B
Tell us what your favorite holiday tradition is. What's the book that you reread every time? As you all know, I reread the A Pocket Christmas Anthology featuring Judvariau and Judith McNaught and Joanna Lindsay every year. It's a delight. And tell us what movie you watch every year.
- [56:47]
C
See, there you go.
- [56:48]
B
We used to watch that Love actually movie every year. And then slowly, like all people, we started to realize it wasn't very good.
- [57:00]
C
You know what? Listen.
- [57:01]
B
It took. Though I will say, y', all, it took eight or nine years before. Before we were like, this isn't actually very good.
- [57:09]
C
I think it would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that, like, all the independent, strong, awesome women don't end up alone. That's what kills me about that book.
- [57:18]
B
No, listen, I still. Now we can't watch it anymore because every time Emma Thompson opens that Joni Mitchell cd, I get angry at Eric. Like, really mad at Eric, as though he himself had bought a gold necklace from Mr. Bean for someone other than me and given me a Joni Mitchell cd.
- [57:38]
C
Yeah, sure. And then you're like, this isn't good. This is my friend.
- [57:40]
B
And he's like, why?
- [57:41]
C
Am I in trouble?
- [57:42]
B
And I'm like, you just are. Shut up.
- [57:45]
C
He's like, you know what? Bring on romance. Reasons Bridget Jones. Bring it on.
- [57:52]
B
Anyway, Mark Darcy buys Bridget a notebook, and it's the best. Anyway, sorry. I hope I didn't just spoil Bridget Jones for all of you.
- [58:04]
C
I don't think you did. It's 25 years old now, but don't.
- [58:07]
B
Ever talk to me about 2 and 3. They don't exist. That is the only book Bridget and Mark end up together at the end of that. And there's never Helen Fielding.
- [58:16]
C
Then nothing ever happened.
- [58:18]
B
Fell out of a tree and broke her writing hand.
- [58:22]
C
Whatever you're talking about. There was no 2 and 3. That's clearly never happened. I legitimately have never seen them. So it did really, in fact, never happen. It's fine.
- [58:31]
B
You never saw two and three. You've seen one, though.
- [58:33]
C
Sure, of course. Well, because, you know. Remember Mr. Reid's romance went to the prom with Renee Zagwer.
- [58:38]
B
Did I tell Eric that? Last night. And he was like, yes, I know. You've said this every time we've watched Zellweger.
- [58:45]
C
If we say Renee Zellweger on the pod, I have to point out that Mr. Reid's romance went to prom.
- [58:51]
B
Tell me something. If you say Renee Zellweger in your house, does Mr. Reid romance say, I went to prom with her?
- [58:56]
C
No. You know what, though? He does. That would be amazing if it comes up, though. He just. He is upset that people like don't like her. You know how some people just engender, like, an instant dislike? She seems to be a person that some people don't like.
- [59:10]
B
I think she's a delight.
- [59:12]
C
He is like, she's the nicest person. He's just outraged by that. He just. He can't understand why anybody would feel that way about such a nice person.
- [59:19]
B
I went to prom with Matt Lavoy and he's a fucking delight. He's great, everyone. Matt Lavoie is awesome.
- [59:28]
C
Well, on that Note.
- [59:33]
B
I'm Sarah McLean. I'm here with my friend Jen Prokup, and that is fated mates for the week. Thanks to our sponsors, Nikki Sloan, the author of the Frat Boy, and pocketbooks shop. That's pocketbooksshop.com. that's two S's, pocketbooks shop.com in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. As always, the best way for you to support us is to support our sponsors. So we hope you have great reading and great book buying this week.
- [60:02]
C
Have a good one, everybody. Merry Christmas and we will see you soon.
- [60:06]
B
Happy holidays.
- [60:07]
C
I hope Santa brings you something nice, Sam.