Federalist Radio Hour – "The Kylee Cast" feat. Brad Wilcox, Ep. 32: How To Make Dating Great Again
Date: March 12, 2026
Host: Kylie Griswold
Guest: Brad Wilcox (Sociologist, University of Virginia; Senior Fellow, Institute for Family Studies)
Episode Overview
This episode delves into the findings of a major new study by the Institute for Family Studies and the Wheatley Institute on what’s dubbed the "Great Dating Recession." Host Kylie Griswold and sociologist Brad Wilcox explore why young adults are struggling with dating and marriage, what cultural and policy factors are at play, the disconnect between desires and actions among Gen Z and Millennials, and what families, religious institutions, communities, and government might do to revive intentional dating and marriage. The discussion includes societal shifts, political and economic influences, and practical steps for individuals and policymakers.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Introduction to Brad Wilcox and the "Great Dating Recession" Report
Timestamp: 03:04 – 03:58
- Wilcox's Background: Over 20 years studying American family trends, especially marriage and dating (03:13).
- Study Methodology: National Dating Landscape Survey; over 5,000 unmarried adults, aged 22–35 (03:58).
- Key Focus: Exploring young adults’ perspectives on dating and serious relationships.
2. The Disconnect: What Young Adults Want vs. What They’re Doing
Timestamp: 04:36 – 05:30
- Major Findings:
- 83% of women and 74% of men surveyed want intentional, serious relationships.
- Only about one-third are regularly dating (04:36).
- Reasons for Not Dating:
- Lack of confidence in relationship skills; only 1 in 3 men feel confident approaching someone (05:30).
- Insecurity in judgment of potential partners.
- Financial insecurities about being able to "afford" dating.
- Difficulties rebounding from bad experiences and low resilience—over half say breakups make them hesitant to try again.
“There’s just a kind of a higher fragility, if you will, when it comes to social life that I’m seeing…”
– Brad Wilcox (07:28)
3. Causes Behind Lost Confidence & Resilience
Timestamp: 07:46 – 10:49
- Digital/Social Factors:
- Screen-based socializing has replaced in-person interactions; time spent with peers dropped from 12 to 5 hours/week.
- Dating rate among high schoolers dropped by about 50%.
- Parenting Style Effects:
- Helicopter/snowplow parents prevent kids from gaining social and practical resilience.
- Cultural Shifts:
- "Me Too" movement has made some men extra cautious/fearful about romantic advances.
- Educational systems often not oriented toward fostering confidence in boys.
“There’s a way in which our boys have been ill-served by schools, middle schools, elementary schools, high schools, and now by colleges as well.”
– Brad Wilcox (09:44)
4. Gender, Politics, and the Dating Divide
Timestamp: 12:59 – 16:26
- School Experiences:
- Anecdotes about boys who attended single-sex schools being better at dating (12:01).
- Ideological Polarization:
- More young women moving left politically, while some young men shift right, causing a dating "mismatch" (13:34).
- Notable Statistic:
- Two liberal single women for every liberal single man; two conservative single men for every conservative single woman.
- Personal Story:
- Wilcox recounts a woman whose serious relationships ended over political incompatibility (15:32).
“...the algorithms are often pushing young women and young men in different directions online in ways that...accentuate this partisan and this ideological divide.”
– Brad Wilcox (16:14)
5. The “Midas Mindset” and Delayed Prioritization of Marriage
Timestamp: 20:29 – 24:49
- Main Points:
- 64% say marriage is important; under half say it’s a top immediate priority.
- Many consider marriage only after education, career, financial stability, and personal freedom.
- Midas Mindset:
- Social and parental focus on income, career achievement, and "status" over love/marriage.
“...the public in general has sort of downgraded the importance of love and marriage and family.”
– Brad Wilcox (21:51)
- Cultural Assumption:
- Belief one can "just snap your fingers" and get married at 30, despite a shrinking pool of eligible partners and greater difficulty.
6. Biological and Social Realities of Delayed Marriage and Fertility
Timestamp: 23:56 – 27:22
- Fertility Awareness Gaps:
- Many young women delay kids, unaware of declining fertility post-30.
- Anecdote of Elizabeth, a Texas lawyer, who postponed prioritizing marriage until late 20s and struggled to find a suitable partner (24:49).
“I would have given every dollar in my bank account to have my sister’s life right now.”
– Brad Wilcox, quoting "Elizabeth" (26:08)
- Happiness Gap:
- Married moms are 2–3 times more likely to be "very happy" than single/childless women—even for women under 35.
- Modern messaging frames motherhood as a "bad deal," but research shows the opposite in terms of life satisfaction (27:35).
7. Shifts in Marriage Stability & Divorce Trends
Timestamp: 35:36 – 39:07
- Divorce Rate Down:
- Divorce has declined ~40% since 1981; now, most marriages last.
- Key protective factors: regular church attendance (lowers divorce risk by up to 50%), stable full-time employment for men, and regular date nights.
“A majority of couples who are marrying now will go the distance... that’s sort of the good news that someone like Andrew Tate’s not aware of.”
– Brad Wilcox (36:32)
- Downside:
- Fewer people are marrying at all; marriage and parenthood have become selective, more common among the educated, religious, and conservative.
8. The Role of Government and Policy
Timestamp: 40:48 – 42:39
- Government as Surrogate Spouse:
- Public welfare policies provide material support that can make "husbands optional" for lower-income women.
- "Marriage penalty" in social programs discourages tying the knot.
“It’s not that anyone in D.C. was... saying I’m going to create these marriage penalties... but that’s sort of the way it works today.”
– Brad Wilcox (42:00)
9. Solutions and Practical Steps for Reviving Dating & Marriage
Timestamp: 43:43 – 50:14, 50:14 – 52:29
- Apps & Matchmaking:
- New apps (Date Drop, Keeper) aim to foster intentional, commitment-oriented dating, but in-person meeting (via community, church, school, friend groups) is still best (44:40).
- Call for parents, pastors, professors to actively connect/matchmake.
- Cultural & Personal Interventions:
- Encourage young people to treat dating/marriage with as much intentionality as career/education (47:12).
- Parents should let kids face challenges and failures to develop resilience.
- Honest guidance for young men: focus on fitness, dress well, perform at work and school, and practice real (not digital) social skills (49:07).
- Volunteering as a means to meet like-minded, marriageable people.
- Policy Proposals:
- Expand child tax credits, eliminate marriage penalties in welfare programs.
- Promote school choice and education about the "success sequence": education, work, then marriage.
- Public messaging about the benefits of marriage/family.
“We should... develop a more technological asceticism, where you’re not as plugged into the virtual world and much more engaged in real-world activities that allow you to have real-world relationships...”
– Brad Wilcox (49:56)
10. Recommended Resources
Timestamp: 52:42 – 52:59
- Wilcox's Book: Get Married (HarperCollins, 2024) – a practical, research-based guide to marriage.
- Study Referenced: “2026 State of Our Unions: The Dating Recession” by Wheatley Institute & Institute for Family Studies.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On cultural confusion about marriage:
“There’s nothing like...waking up in the morning and there’s some toddler or young child kind of snuggled between you and your spouse. It’s just a magical experience.”
– Brad Wilcox (29:44) -
On mistaken assumptions about timing:
"There’s this assumption...you kind of can just turn about 27, 28, 29, snap your fingers and, like, find the perfect partner and get married around 30."
– Brad Wilcox (23:15) -
On the cornerstone vs. capstone marriage model:
“The cornerstone model is...getting married often in your early 20s and sort of seeing marriage and family’s opportunity where you can...really kind of forge a more we first orientation, both to life in general and into your family in particular.”
– Brad Wilcox (34:34) -
On practical action:
"Encouraging my students to be much more intentional about dating, getting out there, meeting people and just being open to serious relationships..."
– Brad Wilcox (47:25)
Key Timestamps for Important Segments
- 03:04 – Introduction to Wilcox’s work and focus
- 04:36 – What the study reveals about young adults’ dating desires and activity
- 07:46 – Roots of lost resilience and confidence among young adults
- 12:01 – Anecdotal evidence from college students, political impact on dating
- 20:29 – The gap between valuing marriage and prioritizing it now ("Midas Mindset")
- 23:56 – The fertility/marriage age disconnect
- 26:08 – Elizabeth’s story: career vs. family trade-off
- 27:35 – Happiness data: married women vs. single and childless peers
- 35:36 – Divorce rate, marriage stability, and what helps marriages last
- 40:48 – Impact of government policy on marriage
- 44:40 – Potential and limitations of matchmaking apps
- 47:12 – Practical steps to support young adults in dating/marriage
- 50:26 – Policy recommendations
- 52:42 – Further resources: books and studies
Tone & Language
Throughout, the conversation is pragmatic yet optimistic, with Wilcox mixing data-driven insights and personal anecdotes in an accessible, conversational style. The tone encourages cultural self-reflection, intentionality, and communal responsibility for reviving healthy dating and marriage cultures.
For listeners, this episode is a candid, research-based exploration of the dating crisis—its causes, consequences, and most importantly, actionable solutions for individuals, families, and policymakers alike.